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coffeehighallthetime-blog · 5 months

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🥺🥺🥺

I’m gonna cry, this is so so sweet

I truly missed the way you broke everything down and told me what you enjoyed

I’m so so happy you loved this chapter

Honestly this was a rough one to figure out bc I didn’t want to info dumb too much but I also didn’t want to make anything confusing! Obviously you know what’s gonna happen lololol but I’m still just in the brick laying stage 😈😈

There will be more cuteness over load, more pining, more of Odin being a shithead, and finally ! Everything will [redacted] and then [spoiler], and omg I can’t wait for everyone to freak out when Heimdall [*********] and when Yen in turn [beeeeeeep]

Anyway, I’ve been annoying enough, you get the point! I’m very excited to write more now that I’ve gotten over this little hump. But you’re so right, angst needs a vibe. I’m hopping on the plane in an hour so hopefully I can listen to some music and knock out a rough draft.

I honestly appreciate you so much for continuing to support my writing always look forward to seeing what you thought of it 💜

Love you, bud😘

I Am Kind not Complacent Chpt 8

chpt 8

word count: 6K

pairing: gow heimdall x reader, young

A/N: hello, again. it's been a minute. I'm sorry this is late, I have been going through it 👉👈 again! just busy end of the year craziness. also everytime I opened this document it made me want to scream. I still don't love it???? but I guess that's ok. this is for fun and I need to remember that. thank you as usual to everyone who likes and comments and thank you for your patience, I hope you enjoy it <3

P.S: I named our reader for this chapter. Her name is Yen, it's close to YN for ppl who still want to read it that way but is also more of a name for people who have an easier time with that. let me know how you guys feel about it and I can change it or not. i just wanted to test out a "name" to make the writing feel a little less clunky but idk :\

@engardeitsme I'm back!! i missed you :..) i hope you enjoy and thank you for talking with me a couple weeks ago!

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“Why are your teeth gold?”

Heimdall turned his head to look at the girl, a brow raised.

“What?”

“Why are your teeth gold?” The girl repeated, tapping her incisor with her nail. He snorted, shaking his head.

“ I heard you. It’s just a stupid question, so I was allowing you the opportunity to change it.”

“ Oh,” she took a moment to ponder and spoke again, “Are they solid gold, or are they just gold plated?” She smirked at him. Heimdall rolled his eyes, folding his arms behind his head.

“Didn’t your mother ever tell you not to say things about a person’s appearance they can’t change?...oh, wait! I guess she couldn’t.” Yen’s mischievous smile quickly pulled into a pout.

“Hey!” Heimdall cackled as a hand came down to smack his chest, and he grabbed the girl’s wrist to stop another blow.

“I let you get one in out of pity.” she pulled her wrist free.

“Yeah well, didn’t your precious All-Father ever tell you-... oh wait, that’s right he’s too busy ignoring you to teach you any manners.” Heimdall frowned, looking up at the girl. Yen sighed, shaking her head. “Poor poor Heimdall. You have all the training in the world on how to be a spoiled prince and a warlord, but you don’t know the first thing about how not to be a prick-!”

The wind was knocked out of her as she suddenly hit the grassy floor, and the two were rolling to the bottom of the hill, a jumble of loose limbs and shouting. Their bodies settle at the bottom, and Heimdall and Yen lay sprawled out next to each other. Heimdall looked at the girl, grass in her hair and a smear of mud across her right cheek. She had green stains on her shoulders and pebbles bunched up in the folds of her shirt. He did not look better, with dandelion seeds in his braids and rocks digging into his back. His pristine white shirt was covered in yellow, green, and brown. Their chests heaved and giggles started to bubble before they were both aware. Heimdall heard Yen’s first, her laugh bounding out of her head and out her mouth, between fits of snorts and chuckles. Heimdall found himself mirroring her, his laughter thrumming in his ears as they looked at each other.

“ They’re solid gold,” Heimdall mumbled through a laugh. Yen calmed her own giggles and nodded. They looked up at the sky, watching the clouds shift past their vision. On slow days they had started sparing together, then stopped to talk, sometimes about how bad the other was, sometimes about how they had slept. Yen would offer a walk into the surrounding wood and the boy would refuse, ending their meetings. At some point, however, he started to say yes, despite the idea of stumbling together in twigs and bushes. At some point in the passing days, when the leaves had started to fall and the air had gotten cooler, they would meet at dawn, walk through the woods into a clearing, lay in the tall grass, and talk for as long as they could before their guardians would look for them. Yen would talk endlessly about her different plants and collect cuttings as they walked. Heimdall had somehow found himself holding her pack for her collected specimens.

Yen grabbed her bag and sifted through the plants they had found, humming as she sorted them by type.

“Do you know what those all do?” the boy asked, leaning up on his elbows.

“Vaguely. I’ve learned about some of them. But I also see what the animals in this area are eating and take them home to test them!”

“Test them?”

“Mhm,”

“Like what, you eat them and see what happens?”

“Sometimes,” Yen shrugged, looking over to see Heimdall glaring at her, “What?”

“That’s idiotic! You could get sick, eating random things from the forest floor,” he shivered at the thought, grabbing the pack. Yen frowned and held it farther away from him.

“A little late to be worried, Weasel. Besides, I only test what I’ve seen other animals use. Worse case, I induce regurgitation.” The girl explained that this is how she’s been able to make new medicines and learn the toxicity of poisons to develop antidotes. She let him read her notes and the extent of her research on the Asgardian flora. She was very passionate about her findings, though Heimdall could not stop the sinking feeling of worry. How many times she had gone into the woods alone before he started coming with her.

“ You know we already had a lot of good Asgardian medicine right? There is no reason for you to be doing this.”

“Well that’s not true, “ she smiled softly, pointing to her older notes, “ I’ve had to do this since I lived alone in Vanaheim. It’s important I know myself. When you are alone, who is going to help you?” she shrugged, “ sure it’s a little risky, but to be able to depend on myself? That’s not something I want to give up.”

“But-”

“Besides,” she held a hand up, urging him to let her finish, “ We will be working together in the future, right? If we end up in the middle of nowhere and you get hurt, I want to be able to help you when we don’t have access to Asgardian medicine.” He faltered. She surely couldn’t know more than their medics. Heimdall swallowed a shallow breath and looked away.

“Well… now you’re just being ridiculous.”

“How do you mean?”

“Obviously by the time we will be old enough to go on missions, no enemy will be able to lay a hand on me. So I’ll never be hurt.” Heimdall smirked and Yen snorted, shoving his shoulder lightly. Heimdall pushed his shoulder back against her hand and she giggled shaking her head. There was silence, and he could hear her thoughts swimming. She wanted to show him everything from the past week, but she felt nervous after their conversation on the medicine.

“Right then, show me what you’ve learned,” Heimdall sat up, a small smirk on his lips. Yen frowned, sitting up on her elbows. Heimdall rolled his eyes. “Come off it, you’ve wanted to show off your little trick since we got here.” She bashfully sat the rest of the way up, fiddling with her hands. He looked at her expectantly, hearing her nervousness spinning as she siked herself up. “Any day now.”

“Okay, okay!” She grunted more to herself, shaking her hands to loosen up. She slowed her breath, holding her hands over the grass. “Rót,” she whispered, her palms glowing a violet light, the earth rippled apart as a single vine sprouted slowly, winding up and curling around the girl’s wrist and out. Heimdall’s smirk fell and he just stared as the vine wound around on itself. Leaves and small purple blossoms sprouted from it as it grew thicker. Yen let out a final breath, relaxing her shoulders as the glowing stopped and she looked at her creation, smiling as it flexed and relaxed in the cool breeze. Heimdall leaned forward, getting a better look at the plant.

“ A root?” he asked, reaching to touch it, and had to hold back a laugh when it seemed to reach back out to him. Yen nodded with a small smile.

“Yeah, cool right?” Heimdall shrugged, his lip once again quirked as he teased.

“Eh, sure. Would be better if it did something though. Is it for you to make flower crowns for everyone while they sign peace treaties.” He raised a brow as the girl matched his grin, raising a hand.

“Not exactly. “Rót,” She repeated, snapping her fingers. Heimdall barely took in a breath by the time the vine had darted at him, winding around his leg and lifting him into the air. His body spun stiffly in the air as the root suspended him. A hand reached up to his shoulder, stopping the motion, and his magenta eyes met hers. He looked like a carp out of water, trying to come up with something to say. Yen giggled at the boy’s speechlessness. “You shouldn’t judge things at face value, Heimdall. You of all people should know that.”

“Put me down.”

“Oh, but aren’t you having fun up there?”

“Watch yourself, Songbird,” There was no venom in his words. Nonetheless, she put her hands under him, helping him lower back down into the grass. As he brushed himself off, her magic dissipated and the vine shrank back into the dirt. Yen rocked on her heels, a nervous grin pulling at her cheeks. Heimdall shook his head with a snort. “Okay, yes. That was fairly impressive, and can actually be useful.”

“Even though it's Vanir magic?” she shifted her weight, looking at him nervously. Heimdall’s face softened slightly. He had so many preconceptions before the two had met. How they were savage warriors. Stupid, tricky, untrustworthy. She wasn’t like the Vanir people his father had spoken to him about, and Odin wouldn’t lie to him, right? So that meant the girl must have just been different from them. An exception.

“Don’t make me compliment you again. Once was enough.” Yen knew it was reassurance in his own way, and let it go. Heimdall nudged her shoulder, already starting to walk. “Come on, let’s start heading back.” She smiled and nodded, falling in step with the boy. Heimdall swallowed, his shoulders stiff. “So…what else have you learned?” “Well,” The girl pondered for a moment, thinking through her past lessons. “ Freya showed me how to leave markers to amplify magic, which is pretty neat. But I still need to work on my aim for it. I also know how to grab small objects without touching them now, and I can hopefully do bigger things soon…” She trailed off.

“What?”

“I just… feel like she doesn't want to teach me anymore. She keeps me at basics, but I know I understand it already… I just don’t know if she’s grown tired of it or if I’m just not getting it like I should…” Heimdall frowned. This was not the first time Yen had brought this up.

“She’s always been a stiff. It’s not you.”

“It’s not just her though…” Yen rubbed the back of her neck, looking away as the boy stared.” Don’t do that.”

“I wouldn’t have to if you stopped and just told me what was bugging you… I didn’t know the old goat had started shutting you out too.” Yen swallowed a shallow breath and nodded.

“He’s just… He won’t tell me much more about the other realms when I ask anymore. It’s like they gave me a hobby and dangled it like a carrot for a horse so they could take me away from some bigger picture…when he and Freya started teaching me about plant life and then left me to my own devices… “Yen plucked handfuls of grass from next to her and dropped it just as fast, over and over until there was dirt under her nails as she spoke. “ I wanted to be useful… I drowned myself in it… I wanted to see if it could help me in some way…Odin came to me, congratulating me on my new ‘goddesshood in medicine” she scoffed as she repeated the words. “...I could just tell he was filled with disappointment… at my uselessness. And who can blame him!”Heimdall rolled his eyes.

“You are not useless. Those two are just holding you back. Don’t blame that on the All-Father.”

“I’m not! I just-” She groaned, raking her fingers through the dirt, “Mimir says there’s a lot I don’t know still…but he’s also not showing me things. he says I’m doing well at controlling my powers but I’m just worried that even if I’m not trying… it’s hard wanting to talk to people and not knowing if they agree with you or being nice to you because they want to or because…” she trailed off, looked at the boy next to her, “I don’t want to be… I want…” she struggled to find her words for a moment, “ I want to earn trust, not take it.” She spoke finally, after trying to catch her words. Hiemdall looked at her for a moment, before shrugging.

“I trust you.”

“You do?” she asked, caught off guard by the response. “I guess…I just am worried that-”

“That my change of opinion was your doing? Don’t flatter yourself, Songbird.” Heimdall snorted, bumping her shoulder with his own. “Maybe you can control those braindead Einjhar to do your bidding and treat you like a princess, but I’m a god.”

“So?” Yen frowned, glaring weakly at the boy.

“So?” So, I am the god of foresight. I cannot be swayed by petty tricks. I can sense intention, and since the beginning, I have never felt… uh..” his face grew a light pink as he realized his point. She stared at him, a brow raised, waiting for the end of his thought. Heimdall coughed into his hand, feeling the warmth radiating off his cheek, “I’ve… never felt uneasy around you…I trust you… we were using each other, and we still are,” he looked at her, his lips lifting into a shy grin, “But I don’t mind it anymore…”

Yen’s cheeks started to grow red, her eyes widening slightly and she looked away, feeling herself warm up despite the fall air. Heimdall swallowed, walking faster ahead of the girl.

“Come on, you have your lesson with the old goat and I have a meeting with the All-Father.” Yen grinned. She quickly recovered, coughing and starting a chuckle.

“Oho! So you aren’t being ignored.” She teased, hands crossing behind her back. Heimdall sighed, his hands squeezing at his sides. Odin had wanted to talk to Heimdall about how Yen had progressed, and when she would be of use to him. She caught up the the boy, softening her posture, and nudged him with her elbow. “It’ll be fine. You’ll see. I’m sure he just wants to tell you how well you’re doing!”

“Well of course, I’ve been doing well in my assignments, it’s just a regular report. Nothing to worry about.” Yen chuckled, reaching into a pouch on her belt.

“Hey, I know you may not want to. But I’ve been working on this medicine for your migraines.” she held out the little leather sack to him. He hesitated looking to her for some kind of reassurance. Her thoughts were full of nothing but the want to help. “Don’t worry, it’s just Feverfew and Butterbur mixed with some mint and juniper. Steep it and drink a cup before bed.” He sighed and took the pouch, tucking it into his pocket.

“ You’re pushing this “trust” envelope, and I’ve just admitted to it. I shouldn’t have to take anything for help. I just need to get through it until it doesn’t bother me anymore.”

“Humor me. Try it once, and only if you really can’t handle it yourself. Oh, and if you could maybe tell the All-Father how hard I’ve been working… I would appreciate it…”

‘I don’t want to be left behind.’

Her voice echoed in his head. Heimdall looked at the girl as they split ways in the large cabin

“I will.”

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“It’s been eight months!” Odin’s voice rattled through his study. Mimir stood still, hands behind his back as Odin paced to and fro. Hugin and Munin sat in the rafters, their eyes glowing as they peered down at the men. “ Eight months! And you tell me nothing is progressing with the little thing?”

“Apologies, All-Father, but it appears she is still having a hard time adjusting to Asgard.”

“Pah!” Odin grunted, leaning on his desk. “I’ve seen her, Mimir. She must be holding out on you, or something! Being extra clever. Hiding her powers. Munin has seen her in the woods a few weeks back, using magic. And we know what she is capable of. The question is why is she hiding from us all of a sudden,” Odin paced towards his desk, uncorking a pot of mead. he poured a goblet at held it out to the Goodfellow.

“Ah, no thank you, All-Father,” Mimir waved a hand. Odin huffed and slammed the bottle onto his desk, taking a deep gulp from the goblet.

“She was doing so well before. I offer her safety, offer her family, I offer her trust! And then her progression just halts.”

“Freya has been teaching her, and she has been practicing. We have both encouraged her not to use any magic until she can control herself.” Mimir tried to reassure him without bringing too much attention to the fact the girl was gifted enough to use magic without help. The two had done their best to hide the progression of her gifts to stop the All-Father’s advances from using the girl. But with how strong she was already getting, it was getting more difficult to hide, especially while keeping her in the dark about the fact she couldn’t show her true potential. It had gotten to the point even Mimir and Freya could not keep up with the pace of the girl’s learning. As though she spent hours outside of lessons practicing the control of her magic.

“Well, it’s not working. If anything she’s become stir-crazy. I don’t care if she loses control. I can do damage control! What I can’t do, is use a scared little girl that’s too afraid to use her powers, to help me gain control of the realms! She tried to use it against me! To get me to, what, compliment my son? useless! Don’t you see? We need to get this under control so we can use her, and so that she will not be a threat. It’s already starting to get out of hand. If only we had tracked her down sooner,” Odin’s voice was rough with frustration as he pulled at the ends of his beard. “ She doesn’t even know the extent of what she is. She’s a silly little child, who sees the world as back and white. And I’d like to keep it that way until she fully trusts us. Then we can finally-” Mimir was about to interject when the door to the study opened.

“ I’m here for my report, All-Father,” Heimdall spoke with a short bow. Mimir stiffened and looked at the boy from the corner of his eye. The two gods turned to Heimdall, their figures dark and towering in the candlelight of the darkened amber of the study. They knew. They knew he had heard, how could he not? Heimdall stood ridged at the door, his eyes glowing in the darkened doorway.

‘ The boy will ruin everything,’ Heimdall heard Mimir’s thoughts rattle into his skull. The Goodfellow’s anxiety came off in waves. ‘protect Yen… keep her safe… the lad will say too much…’

Heimdall looked up at Mimir, his brow cocked. Keep Yen safe from what? What wasn’t the old goat sharing with the All-Father? His father would be the one who knows best how to protect the girl if she was in danger. Odin straightened, rolling his shoulder back and nodding his head to his son.

“Come in, Heimdall. Mimir, my friend, we will talk more later. You may leave. You have a lesson with the girl now, don’t you?

“Yes, All-Father,” Mimir bowed, ready to take his leave. As he started to shut the door on his way out, Odin called out.

“And Mimir, please try to push the girl further. I’d like for her to be able to aid in the Jötunheim treaties. It's either that, “He sighed, “ or we may have to call the whole thing off… put her back where she came from.” Mimir nodded, hoping that he could keep the visage of the girl’s powers useless just long enough for Odin to lose interest. Odin however knew something was amiss. He knew just from the small passings with the child that she was brighter than his allies claimed. And he knew exactly who to ask to get the feast of information he craved. Anyone would need to be blind to not see that the two children had grown close. The whisperings from Hunin and Mugin of the two sneaking off to the others’ room in the night, to being spotted in the woods. Odin was pleased, thinking his son finally stepped up to the title of his spy and learning all he could about the Vanir creature. Still, he was worried that the girl may have also tricked his son as well, so he needed to make Heimdall give any information willingly. He picked up a scroll and licked the tip of his quill before dipping it into a pot of ink, scribbling away as he spoke to his son.

“I’m sorry, Heimdall, but it seems I’ve called you here for nothing. Mimir has shared with me how our guest has been doing and it seems the lessons aren’t going anywhere.” Odin rubbed his temple, taking a seat in his chair, “their reports say she is unable to grasp basic concepts, her understanding of both Vanir and Asir magic is only basic, and she seems to be causing more trouble than the entire debacle is worth. I think you were right before, my son. She’s truly better off back home.”

“That’s not true!” Heimdall’s voice carried through the room with an echo. He composed himself, swallowing. Odin looked up from his reports, staring at Heimdall with his good eye, head tilted.

“Not true?” Well, I will say she has been improving her skills of manipulation. What with trying to use them on me? I wouldn’t be surprised if she’d gotten to you, boy. She’s just not worthy to be among us.”

Heimdall swallowed. “She has been doing remarkably well, All-Father. I’ve seen it.”

“Seen it?’ Odin replied, pushing himself from his chair. “Tell me, Heimdall. What Mimir and Freya refuse to.”

“I have gained her trust, All-Father. Mimir and Freya are not being fully honest with you…” The boy’s eyes glinted as he looked at his father across the room, “But I’m not sure why, yet.”

“You are suggesting that my most trusted allies are not being truthful with me, Heimdall? This is a very serious accusation, you understand.” Odin sauntered over to the boy, making him take a step back on instinct. He swallowed, pushing himself back forward, hands behind his back.

“I simply believe she may be… too anxious to show them what she can do. But I have heard from her myself that she is eager to serve Asgard, father. She wants to be of use to you.” Heimdall urged, taking another step closer to his father. Odin hummed, his hand tightening around his staff. Why was the old goat not telling him any of this?

“Heimdall,” Odin started, stalking closer to the boy. “Have you noticed anything in peculiar about the child?” he circled the boy, never looking him in the eye. “Has she shown you things behind closed doors? Anything of use?” Heimdall swallowed, concentrating on his heartbeat.

“ She is… she is able to quiet the mind, All-Father…” Odin halted his steps behind the boy, glancing down at him from the corner of his eye. Heimdall continued. “I’ve seen her… calm people, quiet unruly thoughts… I… she’s done it to me, before.” Odin scoffs.

“I don’t need my soldiers softened.”

“I think it can be of use to you, All-Father.” Heimdall spoke quickly, turning to face the man. “To… to manipulate the other side?” Odin hummed, tilting his staff the boy to urge him to continue. “She also… She also has been studying Asgardian and Vanir magic and has been able to start creating hybrid potions.” Heimdall pulled the medicinal tea from his pocket, turning to hand it to Odin. “She made this, just today… she said it’s for headaches. It’s made from things she studied herself in the woods with the help of Queen Freya’s knowledge. With help… She could use her medicines to strengthen Asgard and weaken enemy forces. I do not know why your allies are hiding this from you, All-Father, but I assure you she is worthy of staying here.” Odin’s lip curled into a grin and he hummed, reaching out to grab the pouch. He took a whiff of the tea. What else were his dear wife and friend hiding? And was it truly even their fault, or was this girl able to weasel her way into their heads?

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“Mimir, did you know that if you mix yarrow with the inner bark of birch trees, it will cure nearly any stomach ailment.”

“Oh? And did the queen teach you that?”

“Well, sort of. She taught me about yarrow but then while I was with Heimdall in the woods we found some rabbits scratching at birch trees,”

“What were you two doing in the woods?” Mimir interjected, a brow raised. The girl frowned, as she thought this unimportant to her explanation.

“We were brambling,” Yen said, as though this were a normal thing for two twelve-year-old gods. “So anyway, I told him, “Wonder why they’re doing that” but he didn’t seem to care. But I kept watching them and they were licking at the inner bark! so then I collected a sample and see what it could be used for, and guess what!”

“Wait wait, you tested this on yourself?”

“Well I didn’t want to poison anyone,” she shrugged, then pointed at her findings. “look see? I tested it with different plant combinations and by itself.” she rolled her sleeves up to reveal some light scares. “I tested to see if it could used for physical injuries, but it didn’t do much. So then I thought, “Maybe it’s for internal problems?” so then I ate some nightshade berries-”

“You did what?!”

“It’s ok, it was just a couple-”

“Lass, lass…” Mimir rubbed his face, trying hard not to shout with frustration. She truly had turned into quite the little scientist, and though most of the time Mimir found her brilliant, it was not hard to also easily find himself drowning with worry. Like when she had measured the amount of toxicity needed to be consumed from said nightshades to cause death and even made some medicines from the poisonous plant as well. All this to say, this was not a special occurrence, but it worried the Goodfellow just the same every time. “You are… quite the little toxicologist,” he chucked through his nervousness, reading the girl’s findings while wringing his hands together. “I thought we talked about this. About being more careful about-” he sighed, “About not using yourself as an experiment. We have all the medicine you would need here, why go and try to make more, hurting yourself in the process?” Yen’s excitement wilted as she wrang her own hands out, a tick she had picked up from the man, gods forbid he ever lost his hands.

“Well… what if we don’t have anymore? What if someone gets hurt and the medicine we have doesn’t work? What if someone accidentally eats nightshade?... I just want to be prepared. Help people…be useful…”

“You are useful, Sweet girl.” Mimir assured, “ And despite my points… you are right… you have found many interesting findings and new medicines for Asgard.

“ Then why won’t the All-Father show any interest in me? Has he forgotten about me?” She looked up at the man, her eyes pleading. “ Does he not see I’m willing to sacrifice myself to be of use, here? You tell him everything I’ve done right?” Mimir swallowed and nodded.

“Of course, Daughter. I tell him all the time about how much you’re progressing.” his lies stung his throat, but not as much as knowing what Odin would use her for if he knew her actual potential.

“Then… I’m just not good enough, then…” She whispered to herself. Mimir shook his head, unable to hold in his utter disbelief.

“Not good enough? That’s not even a funny joke, Lass!” she looked up at the puck, confused.”

“But I’m not-”

“Nope! Surely you’re mistaken. It must have been a joke. Because I’m sitting in front of a child goddess who’s been here less than a year and already knows more about medicine than most of our damn medics! A girl, who can command the attention of an entire room! A girl who put that little brat prince in his place and even became his friend!”

“I-I wouldn’t say we’re-”

“That boy would not bother walking into the woods and waiting, albit annoyed at your birch bark notes if you weren’t friends.” she shut her mouth, a flush on her face. Mimir chuckled, crouching down to her level. “ You are fiercely kind in the face of the strange and taxing, you are sharp as a blade and undeniably brilliant. And the All-Father will see so soon enough.”

The girl left after her lesson and Mimir dropped his hopefulness, falling into his chair and grabbing his book of observations. A list of words describing his little companion. his face faded as he read down the list after a few months of teaching the girl. his hand trembled as he wrote down his recent evaluation. Odin had been right. She saw the world as black and white, and truly wanted to be good. But the truth was simply not that simple. Nothing ever was. Mimir had wanted to keep her in the dark for just a day longer. Let her see herself in the sun for one more day. But that was dangerous and he knew it. Mimir moved to the margin, where he had her goddesshoods marked, on the first day, he had written her base abilities and what they thought she was at first. “Goddess of peace, goddess of logic…goddess of medicine…” goddess of…

He needed to speak to Freya. She would be better at giving Yen the news. Tell her that everything has a shadow.

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“I need to show you something,” Yen looked up from her notes to see Freya standing in front of her. Her face was stone, and the shadows of the sun through the window fanned over her face, painting her worry marks. Yen frowned, sitting up a bit straighter and setting her pencil down.

“Show me what?”

“ Just come with me, and we'll talk, alright?” Freya offered a steady hand, and Yen took it, her little fingers enveloped fully in the Valkyrie’s gloved hand. She ushered her tenderly towards the fireplace and they sat down on the bundle of furs and tapestries on the floor. Yen sat across from Freya and watched as she pulled some research journals, illustrations, and scrolls. “When you are ready,” Freya spoke, sliding the scrolls to Yen. There was not another word between the two, just the crackle and pop of wood splintering in the fire. As Yen stared at the pages, Freya was patient, watching and waiting for the girl to start reading when she was ready. Yen finally picked up the journals and did not finish reading until she had gone through every document.

The day her village had burned to the ground.

The first time she told Freya she should have died, were she mortal, but didn’t.

The resources of different towns and villages, of a girl wandering into their domain and leaving without a trace. Some spoke of her kind words and the peace she brought to them. But in the timeline, soon it was nothing but stories of ruin. Of villages filled with nothing but drones. shells of what were once beautiful towns and cultures reduced to nothingness. What was once left to be peaceful and logic-built structures soon dissolved into a spiral of selfish behaviors. Stealing instead of trading, abandoning children, and killing people to take their land. How was a child to know such loose rules would lead mortals to find twisted loopholes? Then again isn’t that what mortals are best at?

“Why are you showing me this?” Yen whispered, rubbing at her eyes as her vision got blurry. “I know all this already, I know that I made a mistake b-because I was stupid, why are you doing this to me?” she spoke, her voice harsher this time as she finally looked up at Freya, who sat still, keeping her eyes cast down.

“Because you need to know why you can do these things,” Freya spoke, sifting through the journals, bringing one up and flipping through to a page. “Here. this one. What did you say to this village before you left them?”

“I don’t want to do this-”

“What did you say.” Freya’s voice boomed against the walls of books surrounding them, and Yen squeezed her hands against the knobs of her knees.

“I said…” she mumbled, trying to remember her last commands, “I told them to walk away from the battlefield….to take care of themselves…”

“And they did…” Freya spoke softly now, “And when they take care of themselves, they stop taking care of their community. They left each other for dead.”

“I didn’t mean to,” Yen’s voice crumbled into sobs, her shoulders shaking, “I-I didn’t want them to-”

“Breath, Yen…breath,” Freya rested a hand on the girl’s head, letting her take her time to ground herself. “Your words have power, but so do your intentions. If we can practice properly, we will be able to give simple demands without worrying how they will be interpreted. On the other hand…” Freya continued, pointing at a different passage. “It almost seems as though your powers currently default to pushing people towards disarray… which means I believe we have found for certain the two sides of your coin.” she grabbed the girl’s shoulders, squeezing just slightly. Yen looked up, her tears slowing. Freya sighed, calming her heartbeat. “Yen, ever since you came to Asgard,…even before we met, I have seen you. You are the goddess of peace and logic and that can be seen from your ability to defuse altercations and to calm even the most ill-tempered…but I’ve also seen how out of sorts your own temper can get…how angry you are inside…”

“I’m not angry,” Yen whispered, but Freya shook her head, shushing the girl.

“You are angry, and in pain and uncertain. You use logic at one turn and act on impulse at the other. You are a paradox, sweet girl.” Freya held the girl’s face in her calloused hands. “ And I know you know…you are a smart girl, and you’ve been putting the pieces together yourself.” Yen placed her hands over Freya's, and she could feel her little fingers tremble over her own.

“I don’t know what to do…”

“Chaos is not something to be afraid of…” Freya smiled just a bit, holding the girl’s face tighter. “It is the order of the world. It is an order of all things. And it is also not all that you are. Do you remember what I said before? About how we were going to find all your sides and help you put them together?” Yen could barely nod with her face trapped in the woman’s hands. The Valkeryie laughed, pressing their heads together. “You will be ok, goddess of peace, goddess of logic… goddess of medicine and healing…” She offered, to soften this very blow, “goddess of chaos, goddess of discord.”

A Cocauphany. That’s all you could call it. As sobs reverberated through the room, thrumming between the two until there was nothing left.

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#friends writing♥️#engardeitsme beloved

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