destructivepacifist

[destructivepacifist]

pees myself sussy warn?? NOT BAD im fine lmfao

soemtimes my head rlly do be goin "KYS" at shit that inconveniences me and its funny i dont get Triggered abt it but i feel bad for thinking it bc its rel8d to a trigger 🕺 also gas pains suck so much booty ass

[destructivepacifist]

im going to go draw porn now byeeee

[destructivepacifist]

breakdown momence long tags

#been sobbing on and off for the past 10 minutes man #i really miss those fucking dogs #i wish i didnt have them in the first place theyd be w people who wouldve actually cared abt them and couldve helped them #i know none of it is 100% on me but i will never stop feeling partially responsible no matter what anyone says #and thats on me #but i really just cant stand it #i hate myself for it #i hate my sisters for it sometimes #i wish i couldve done more i really do i do i do #i hate it i wish they couldve gotten better lives #fuck this #fuck everything #i hate this #i cant stand it #i wish i could know if they ever think about the dogs #i wish i could know if they actually cared about them #there was something there #i know there was #please tell me there was #and you didnt just have them for fck all #please #i wnt to know you really loved them #why would you do this #why would you do this to them #why did you do this to them #i wish i could know why #i really wish i could #i need water #the best one who got the better outcome was definitely diva #i miss her

[destructivepacifist]

the pain ive been feeling all day because of the dogs is crushing me

#i miss them every day #genuinely if i could go back i would #i was so scared to do anything #i wish i ciuld change sk much of what happened #i wish i couldve saved aji and leo and been able to see fucking evie #i miss evie so much #i miss her and i wish i couldve kept her #anyways #at home imma cry #lawl

[destructivepacifist]

hate having food issues tht are so bad i get to the point where i get snippy w people for daring to even be in the kitchen or around me when im cooking smth

i don't wanna feel on edge and ready to lash out and recluse every time someone does smth while im in the kitchen

i get so angry and annoyed and it sucks like. i want to exist without being so Mad over smth like tht

#F

[destructivepacifist]

fr hate getting like this bc it rlly just brings up the feeling of It's so much easier to just be gone but ik I can't do that and i need to keep fighting and i have a future to fight for but i don't feel like i do rn lol!! ik there's so much and life is barely starting but why's it have to be this competitive and straining

yeah life is work working helps life but like. why is it so detrimental to everyone's health and wellbeing

it's work till you die and if you die early it's a blessing

making passive income in any way is a drean that i just don't know if i can fulfill

everyone talks about like hope and belief that you can do the things you want and make your dreams come true through that but i can't and im not in the position to do so because of how fast everything around me is evolving. it's different from 2, 3, 4 years ago now and everything's just spiraling and i don't know if i can keep up anymore.

the hope for my future is still inside me and i know that i just don't know how much longer i can keep going with this.

#!>= weewoo #&%-. nyways thinks about the sims thinks abiut the sims

[destructivepacifist]

sometimes i think about how customers couldn't give less of a shit abt what's going on in your life as an employee, which yeah vice versa we couldn't give less of a shit about their lives

#wild

[destructivepacifist]

tw s__dal ideation or something idk just tw sussy shit im being dramatic basically, and i have no reason to complain. i just like complaining.

bro dying fr easier than being alive lmfaoooo 😭😭😭 theres so much to look forward to but how can i look forward to it when nobody can do anything anymore other than to work their asses off and CONTINUE wanting to die bc of the state of everything. i can only hold out for so long. nobody should break their backs for $13/hr at a SHITTY JOB that has you doing work that you should be getting paid fucking $25 AN HOUR FOR. mine and my gfs and my fucking friends good futures are ripped away because NOBODY can do anything in life unless you somehow jump through whatever fucking hoops you can until you end up working for someone who couldnt give less of a shit about you, realizing youre fucking expendable in this fucking world SUCKS. of course youre so individual in who you are as people but when work is involved nobody could give less of a shit unless you make a lot of money for them, and no money for yourself.

life is fucking stupid. only thing going for me is being with people i love but i don't know how much it can keep me going for anymore when i can barely see a sustainable future for us anymore i gotta remember its always been like this though, people killing themselves (literally and fucking figuratively) working for a future tht is never fucking promised to anyone unless you wanna just work until youre gone.

#-[.<.- dont read its a lot and im just being an internalized mess #-2---4- having one of thjose days where i woke up and felt like everyone hates me or i do smth tht sets someone off so I get mad <3 at thew #world #.-:-- only thing we can do is work! but that sucks so bad man. its not fair #.--- yeah yeah baby ass lifes not fair get over it #whatever.

[destructivepacifist]

IM OK just dumping thinking abt how my cousin deadass in 7th grade manipulated me into thinking my best friend at the time was going to abandon me and stop being friends w me and i dont know what exactly he said but smth abt a gold card or whatever and me being tht for her that sucks he's kinda fucked me up in more ways than one man just kinda sucks bc he rlly was supposed to be one of those ppl who i felt i could rely on and we could be friends or smth but thinking abt all the stuff between us just sucks i wonder if he remembers what happened still and it sucks but i dont want to confront him abt it like i do but i dont my memory issues make it so hard to tell if my memories are correct or if im fabricating it or anything i get vivid images of things tht happened and i can sometimes repeat it in my head but so much of my life is lost that i cant personally remember and is probably with someone else its just another drive for psychiatry help i guess it makes me scared to get into any problems in life in general like i can barely remember if i clocked out at the end of the day at my job and that sucks dude hell i couldn't even remember which cousins of my best friends m--sted her and i just had to sit there and watch her mom cry because i couldn't answer her i just wish my brain was different sometimes. i wish i didnt have to live with this shit. but im sexy in other ways so its whatever i guess i know im allowed to be hung up on my memory not serving me and having haha mental illness, i feel dummy selfish for it but i'm trying to let myself express when i'm not doing ok

i'm only now realizing how emotionally pent up i've been for a while rough man.

#.==`- yeah X( not fun thoughts but its good to let em out #for once im not having a breakdown and just thinking abt it

[destructivepacifist]

& then i stopped crying

lil babygonna cry

im so fucking stupid

[destructivepacifist]

lil babygonna cry

im so fucking stupid

[destructivepacifist]

nobody listens to me nobody listens to me and i hate everybody!!!! fuckyou guys!!;!

#.&._.- mentall illnessmomens 🤪 #.)$?_- i dont want to be at work rn i want to be home qnd asleep i woke up from such a shitty dream this morning is such ass!!!! #.$(@/- im trying my best to stay positive bc ive been on such a good kick but today is just making me angry

[destructivepacifist]

2 different moods abt it

[destructivepacifist]

i hate men with a passion`

#L #theyre just gross. tbh.

[destructivepacifist]

tw self dep dumb shit in the tags

ready to accept my piece of shittery boutta lash out at ppl! lol!

#ive gotten so mean #my fat little body is full of >:( and :'( at the same time #im rlly jus a huge pos disgusting little mf i am #i want to get high and ik its not good i was honestly not planning on getting high today and now its like Do me again! and im like OK! #tfw u personify weed to separate it from the fact its just urself knowing u have an addiction but u dont want to take tht responsibility r #hashtag justgirlythings x3 lol #nothings gonna stop me from hating myself

[destructivepacifist]

tfw ur d--b ass overthinks and you overreact and then you kinda fall and ur not high or hyperactive anymore so ur like Ah fuck! *almost cries at work* if someone yells at me today i'll cry and make them feel bad tho so its ok

#brain is like 494223mph and thats okay #anyways i wish i had food #i wanna get some but 1. no card 2. friend cant eat and i dont want to make her upset so anyways #vent art

[destructivepacifist]

i am going to fuck myself better