dianitalv

[dianitalv]

Hi friends!! If you ever find this blog and want to know more about me and connect with me, please join me in my official blog

I finally decided to DO IT, to open my own blog, to embark in this journey purposefully, and fully. I am taking this risk and I am so scared and excited, I do NOT know where life will take me.

ALL I do know is that I've got nothing to lose <3

Love,

DC

#blackandwhite #black and white aesthetic #columnist #blog #analysis #book reviews #podcast #accountant #aesthetic #personal growth

[dianitalv]

Letting Go

Life is really testing me right now. I pray for opportunities and blessings.

So it is not a surprise to find my prayers answered.

It’s been a revelation of sort to see friendships crumbled without closure.

To let go of a career that was part of my identity.

To move to a different city that is forcing me to begin again in EVERY single aspect of my life.

I’ve been feeling so so so dazed and confused throughout it all.

I cannot explain this feeling, this redirection of sorts feels aligned, I do not see a clear path but I have a really really good feeling about this.

#black and white aesthetic #blackandwhite #blog #columnist #aesthetic #instrospection

[dianitalv]

I don’t care about the societal norms but I am abrasive somehow to share my feelings.

I feel and I feel deeply, just not for one man.

I feel for them in different ways and they are all beautiful and unique in their own ways.

Yet they all demand of me this man made moral construct that’s called exclusivity.

They offer their hearts and proclaim eternity.

I feel shackles in my ankles and wrists as I look up into the sky and watch the birds fly freely.

Is it love? To want something so beautiful and ephemeral but not allowing its space to exist freely?

Is it love? Demanding servitude and companionship.

Is love then when you utter the words I love you but cannot let me go?

[dianitalv]

Aeterna Scribimus

I was never afraid of the dark even when the nightmares haunted me.  I used to be afraid of giving in to it.  After all,  How can one be in the midst of a void and not feel empty?  How can one feel nothing and everything concomitantly?  How can one be a beacon of light and joy to others and the darkest of hell to itself? I used to be afraid of giving in to it.  Now I find comfort in the darkest of nights.  Now I find I need not my sight to see. Now I find company in the darkest pit of hell.  Now I find art, every time I am touched by the dark.

#black and white aesthetic #blackandwhite #blog

[dianitalv]

Chapter 26 

I walked into this sport not seeking glory, belt color, or competition.  

In my journey to let go of the shackles of hurt, pain, shame, and rage. I came upon something far greater – an ouroboros mirror.

A mirror I am forced to look at every single time I show up to the mats. Only this mirror doesn’t show what I wish to see.  

Instead, what greets me are reflections of shadows that are typically hidden underneath pretty skin and empty smiles.  

Every single day is a new realization. Intertwined deep in the subconscious of the mind I find a mirror image of the feelings reflected on the mat to a reflection of my life. 

Often what the mirror shows me is painful. Painful to look at. Painful to accept. Or Painful to let go.  

There was a part of me missing too. 

I’ve come to understand now that the shadows were never shackles but potential to tap into, I had only to embrace it.

While this journey had just begun a year ago today, a chapter has also ended. Birth and Death carried simultaneously in an endless cycle, a part of me now and forever.  

.

📸 C: instagram: vivianarmzphotography

#jiujitsu #wsd #women self defense

[dianitalv]

He will see me, all of me.

He will latch onto the deepest darkest shadows of my soul and ask for more.

He will speak my name like it’s holy, his favorite prayer.

He will hold me with gentle touch and embrace me with strength.

He will kiss every single scar and stretch mark that is on my body.

He will be safe with me and I with him.

He will never give up on us.

and if life does part us away.

There will never be an after me.

#blackandwhite #black and white aesthetic #boudouir

[dianitalv]

"I accept you as you are and I will always hold you close to my heart. I will walk beside you forever."

#im cryin

[dianitalv]

I think there’s power in your own story and you have to believe that. 

[dianitalv]

cambié y no cambié.

cambié de estado, cambié de numero, cambié de cama, cambié de rutas. cambié de amigos, cambié de carro, cambié. 

cambié tanto que nuestras vidas nunca volvieron a coincidir. 

cambié y no cambié. 

Porque aún no logro cambiar de mi misma. 

Cargo conmigo heridas que no he me permitido aceptar.  

Cargo conmigo un contexto de ideologías que no he podido soltar. Cargo conmigo un frio que congela todo corazón amable que lo quiere tocar. 

cambié y no cambié.  

porque en mi copa vacía aun no hay espacio para llenar el de alguien mas. 

porque aunque de rostro tu cambies, la historia no cambié.

#lonelier version of you #sad thoughts #soledad

[dianitalv]

I feel so sad and lonely

[dianitalv]

KAIZEN ♾ 2022 is a year of a lot of self-reflection.

Kaizen is the concept of continuously improving. In business, it refers to all functions from the CEO to front-of-the-line employees.  Jumping from nonprofit to healthcare accounting this year was a big challenge both in my career and my personality.

And in a magical, yet weird way I cannot explain all the growth I’ve experienced this year just how much more relaxed I feel mentally, and emotionally. 

Looking back I reflect on how intertwined everything is in life. Despite societal divisions amongst communities. Even those whom we look up to and that seem to be so unshakable and confident, at the end of the day we are all a bit dazed and confused fighting our own personal wars.

In pinstripe, I learned that you need to focus on where you want the brush to go, not where it’s been.

In art class I learned going back to the basics (like holding a pencil) is necessary to practice, practice, practice, and yet perfectionism will not be achieved but considerable progress will.

In JiuJitsu I learned that you need to be present, and make an opportunity out of every situation you get put on, no matter how uncomfortable and bad things look not all is lost.

I started Therapy things started to get way better because she helped me accept it’s okay to feel my emotions and not suppress them. She provided a guide, and for the first time, I got someone to tell me the actual HOW, actions steps to heal.

I cried myself to sleep a lot this year too. Life isn’t always aesthetically or pleasurable. 

Wishing you a successful new year’s that all your dreams, plans, goals, intentions, manifestations, etc succeed!

You will reap what you sow. 

#kaizen #cid #2022 #self improvement #self reflection

[dianitalv]

SNOWBOARDING FOR THE FIRST TIME + 3 LESSONS LEARNED 

Being comfortable falling and failing. 

Props to anyone that tries something new and automatically exceed at it. This is not my case in this situation. I did better than I expected to, and I am proud for lasting a full 4 hours in my first time snowboarding and not giving up. I ended up physically and emotionally exhausted. I realized just how much more comfortable I became with falling and standing up without making it a big deal.  

This is vital for this sport and many other things in life. We have to accept that at the beginning nobody is 100% good. When we accept this we allow ourselves to make mistakes and not take those personally. 

2. Being comfortable making fun of yourself. I made my self a silent promise to laugh and enjoy the snowboarding lesson no matter how many time I fell, I laughed through every single one. I knew this was a silent win in my books, I did not have to be a perfect snowboarder on my first day. I won just by trying something new. I won by lasting through the whole class. I won by picking myself up everything I feel, and boy did I feel! I won just by showing up and having fun. I won by putting myself in a situation that made me so uncomfortable. And what if other people where cringing or making fun of me? I wasn’t. I was having the best day in my life. Seeing snow for the first time, watching snow fall and land of my gloves, touching the snow, it was all magical for me. A very magical experience for a little girl that was born and raised in a little town nobody knows about in Reynosa, Tamaulipas, Mexico. I won. I am winning in my books. I am as worthy of existing as the overhyped billionaires in Fortune 500 list.  AND SO ARE YOU.

3. Being comfortable being uncomfortable.

This is a lesson I am still dealing and practicing. As of right now I don’t know If being ‘comfortable being uncomfortable’ is an achievable state of being. But I will continue practicing to put myself in such uncomfortable situations. That is where growth is find, that is where I am corned mentally and have to face the shadow aspects of myself. The shadow that I ran away from on my routinely life. It’s through practices like this, that make me so uncomfortable and trigger deep emotions, that’s where the real feedback takes self. Those are the moments that show the deepest darkest characters of myself. 

How do I react to failure?

Why is this making me upset?

Why am I holding back?

Why am I holding on to this limiting belief?

Where does this thought come from?

#manifestation #snowboarding #colorado

[dianitalv]

Nuestras cicatrices están ahí para recordarnos nuestro pasado, lo que hemos hecho y lo que hemos vivido. Pero ese dolor no tiene que conducir o determinar nuestro futuro. Podemos sobreponernos si nos lo permitimos. No es fácil, pero nada en la vida lo es.

Crónicas de Nick; Sherilyn Kenyon

#sk #sherilyn kenyon

[dianitalv]

#Camping #moon #reclecting nights

[dianitalv]

December 4, 2020 at 10:10PM

 Tʜᴇ ᴅᴇᴍᴏɴs 

𝙸 𝚍𝚘𝚗’𝚝 𝚞𝚜𝚞𝚊𝚕𝚕𝚢 𝚝𝚊𝚔𝚎 𝚙𝚒𝚌𝚝𝚞𝚛𝚎𝚜 𝚏𝚕𝚒𝚌𝚔𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚌𝚊𝚖𝚎𝚛𝚊 𝚘𝚏𝚏 𝚋𝚎𝚌𝚊𝚞𝚜𝚎 𝙸 𝚍𝚘𝚗’𝚝 𝚠𝚒𝚜𝚑 𝚝𝚑𝚎“𝚏𝚞𝚌𝚔𝚢𝚘𝚞“ 𝚖𝚎𝚜𝚜𝚊𝚐𝚎 𝚝𝚘 𝚊𝚗𝚢𝚋𝚘𝚍𝚢. 

𝙱𝚎 𝚝𝚑𝚊𝚝 𝚊𝚜 𝚒𝚝 𝚖𝚊𝚢 𝚢𝚎𝚜𝚝𝚎𝚛𝚍𝚊𝚢 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚍𝚎𝚖𝚘𝚗𝚜 𝚌𝚊𝚖𝚎 𝚋𝚊𝚌𝚔 𝚝𝚘 𝚑𝚊𝚞𝚗𝚝 𝚖𝚎. 𝙸 𝚑𝚊𝚟𝚎 𝚗𝚎𝚟𝚎𝚛 𝚋𝚎𝚎𝚗 𝚊𝚏𝚛𝚊𝚒𝚍𝚘𝚏 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚍𝚊𝚛𝚔 𝚋𝚎𝚏𝚘𝚛𝚎, 𝙸 𝚏𝚒𝚗𝚍 𝚒𝚝 𝚙𝚎𝚊𝚌𝚎𝚏𝚞𝚕𝚕𝚢 and 𝚏𝚞𝚕𝚕𝚏𝚒𝚕𝚕𝚒𝚗𝚐. 

𝙽𝚘𝚗𝚎𝚝𝚑𝚎𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚜 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚍𝚎𝚖𝚘𝚗𝚜 𝚖𝚊𝚝𝚎𝚛𝚒𝚊𝚕𝚒𝚣𝚎𝚍 𝚠𝚒𝚝𝚑 𝚏𝚊𝚖𝚒𝚕𝚒𝚊𝚛 𝚏𝚊𝚌𝚎𝚜  𝙸’𝚟𝚎 𝚜𝚎𝚎𝚗 𝚋𝚎𝚏𝚘𝚛𝚎 𝚋𝚊𝚗𝚐𝚒𝚗𝚐𝚕𝚘𝚞𝚍 𝚜𝚒𝚗𝚗𝚒𝚜𝚝𝚎𝚛 𝚝𝚑𝚘𝚞𝚐𝚑𝚝 𝚠𝚑𝚒𝚕𝚜𝚝 𝚠𝚑𝚒𝚜𝚙𝚎𝚛𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚊𝚕𝚕𝚝𝚘𝚐𝚎𝚝𝚑𝚎𝚛 𝚒𝚗 𝚖𝚢 𝚎𝚊𝚛𝚜  𝚝𝚑𝚘𝚜𝚎 𝚜𝚌𝚊𝚛𝚢𝚝𝚑𝚘𝚞𝚐𝚑𝚝𝚜 𝚝𝚑𝚊𝚝 𝚊𝚛𝚎 𝚋𝚞𝚛𝚛𝚒𝚎𝚍 𝚙𝚛𝚘𝚏𝚘𝚞𝚗𝚍. 

𝙸 𝚠𝚊𝚜 𝚙𝚊𝚛𝚊𝚕𝚢𝚣𝚎𝚜 𝚑𝚎𝚊𝚍 𝚝𝚘 𝚝𝚘𝚎, 𝚞𝚗𝚊𝚋𝚕𝚎 𝚝𝚘 𝚖𝚘𝚟𝚎. 

𝚄𝚗𝚊𝚋𝚕𝚎 𝚝𝚘 𝚋𝚛𝚎𝚊𝚝𝚑𝚎, 

             𝚖𝚢 𝚑𝚎𝚊𝚛𝚝 𝚏𝚎𝚕𝚝 𝚑𝚎𝚊𝚟𝚢.  

𝙸𝚗𝚊𝚌𝚝𝚒𝚘𝚗. 

         𝚃𝚑𝚊𝚝 𝚒𝚜 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚍𝚎𝚏𝚒𝚗𝚒𝚝𝚒𝚘𝚗 𝚘𝚏 𝚒𝚗𝚊𝚌𝚝𝚒𝚘𝚗. 

𝙸𝚗𝚊𝚌𝚝𝚒𝚘𝚗, 𝚝𝚑𝚊𝚝 𝚠𝚑𝚘, 𝙸 𝚏𝚎𝚊𝚛 𝚏𝚊𝚛 𝚖𝚘𝚛𝚎 𝚝𝚑𝚊𝚗 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚍𝚎𝚖𝚘𝚗𝚜. 𝙵𝚘𝚛 𝚖𝚢 𝚒𝚗𝚊𝚌𝚝𝚒𝚘𝚗𝚜 𝚊𝚛𝚎 𝚏𝚒𝚕𝚕𝚎𝚍 𝚠𝚒𝚝𝚑𝚛𝚎𝚐𝚛𝚎𝚝𝚜 𝚊𝚗𝚍 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚍𝚎𝚖𝚘𝚗𝚜 𝚊𝚛𝚎 𝚘𝚗𝚕𝚢 𝚒𝚗 𝚖𝚢 𝚑𝚎𝚊𝚍.

#annexation

[dianitalv]

December 4, 2020 at 10:10PM

 Tʜᴇ ᴅᴇᴍᴏɴs 

𝙸 𝚍𝚘𝚗’𝚝 𝚞𝚜𝚞𝚊𝚕𝚕𝚢 𝚝𝚊𝚔𝚎 𝚙𝚒𝚌𝚝𝚞𝚛𝚎𝚜 𝚏𝚕𝚒𝚌𝚔𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚌𝚊𝚖𝚎𝚛𝚊 𝚘𝚏𝚏 𝚋𝚎𝚌𝚊𝚞𝚜𝚎 𝙸 𝚍𝚘𝚗’𝚝 𝚠𝚒𝚜𝚑 𝚝𝚑𝚎“𝚏𝚞𝚌𝚔𝚢𝚘𝚞“ 𝚖𝚎𝚜𝚜𝚊𝚐𝚎 𝚝𝚘 𝚊𝚗𝚢𝚋𝚘𝚍𝚢. 

𝙱𝚎 𝚝𝚑𝚊𝚝 𝚊𝚜 𝚒𝚝 𝚖𝚊𝚢 𝚢𝚎𝚜𝚝𝚎𝚛𝚍𝚊𝚢 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚍𝚎𝚖𝚘𝚗𝚜 𝚌𝚊𝚖𝚎 𝚋𝚊𝚌𝚔 𝚝𝚘 𝚑𝚊𝚞𝚗𝚝 𝚖𝚎. 𝙸 𝚑𝚊𝚟𝚎 𝚗𝚎𝚟𝚎𝚛 𝚋𝚎𝚎𝚗 𝚊𝚏𝚛𝚊𝚒𝚍𝚘𝚏 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚍𝚊𝚛𝚔 𝚋𝚎𝚏𝚘𝚛𝚎, 𝙸 𝚏𝚒𝚗𝚍 𝚒𝚝 𝚙𝚎𝚊𝚌𝚎𝚏𝚞𝚕𝚕𝚢 and 𝚏𝚞𝚕𝚕𝚏𝚒𝚕𝚕𝚒𝚗𝚐. 

𝙽𝚘𝚗𝚎𝚝𝚑𝚎𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚜 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚍𝚎𝚖𝚘𝚗𝚜 𝚖𝚊𝚝𝚎𝚛𝚒𝚊𝚕𝚒𝚣𝚎𝚍 𝚠𝚒𝚝𝚑 𝚏𝚊𝚖𝚒𝚕𝚒𝚊𝚛 𝚏𝚊𝚌𝚎𝚜  𝙸’𝚟𝚎 𝚜𝚎𝚎𝚗 𝚋𝚎𝚏𝚘𝚛𝚎 𝚋𝚊𝚗𝚐𝚒𝚗𝚐𝚕𝚘𝚞𝚍 𝚜𝚒𝚗𝚗𝚒𝚜𝚝𝚎𝚛 𝚝𝚑𝚘𝚞𝚐𝚑𝚝 𝚠𝚑𝚒𝚕𝚜𝚝 𝚠𝚑𝚒𝚜𝚙𝚎𝚛𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚊𝚕𝚕𝚝𝚘𝚐𝚎𝚝𝚑𝚎𝚛 𝚒𝚗 𝚖𝚢 𝚎𝚊𝚛𝚜  𝚝𝚑𝚘𝚜𝚎 𝚜𝚌𝚊𝚛𝚢𝚝𝚑𝚘𝚞𝚐𝚑𝚝𝚜 𝚝𝚑𝚊𝚝 𝚊𝚛𝚎 𝚋𝚞𝚛𝚛𝚒𝚎𝚍 𝚙𝚛𝚘𝚏𝚘𝚞𝚗𝚍. 

𝙸 𝚠𝚊𝚜 𝚙𝚊𝚛𝚊𝚕𝚢𝚣𝚎𝚜 𝚑𝚎𝚊𝚍 𝚝𝚘 𝚝𝚘𝚎, 𝚞𝚗𝚊𝚋𝚕𝚎 𝚝𝚘 𝚖𝚘𝚟𝚎. 

𝚄𝚗𝚊𝚋𝚕𝚎 𝚝𝚘 𝚋𝚛𝚎𝚊𝚝𝚑𝚎, 

             𝚖𝚢 𝚑𝚎𝚊𝚛𝚝 𝚏𝚎𝚕𝚝 𝚑𝚎𝚊𝚟𝚢.  

𝙸𝚗𝚊𝚌𝚝𝚒𝚘𝚗. 

         𝚃𝚑𝚊𝚝 𝚒𝚜 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚍𝚎𝚏𝚒𝚗𝚒𝚝𝚒𝚘𝚗 𝚘𝚏 𝚒𝚗𝚊𝚌𝚝𝚒𝚘𝚗. 

𝙸𝚗𝚊𝚌𝚝𝚒𝚘𝚗, 𝚝𝚑𝚊𝚝 𝚠𝚑𝚘, 𝙸 𝚏𝚎𝚊𝚛 𝚏𝚊𝚛 𝚖𝚘𝚛𝚎 𝚝𝚑𝚊𝚗 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚍𝚎𝚖𝚘𝚗𝚜. 𝙵𝚘𝚛 𝚖𝚢 𝚒𝚗𝚊𝚌𝚝𝚒𝚘𝚗𝚜 𝚊𝚛𝚎 𝚏𝚒𝚕𝚕𝚎𝚍 𝚠𝚒𝚝𝚑𝚛𝚎𝚐𝚛𝚎𝚝𝚜 𝚊𝚗𝚍 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚍𝚎𝚖𝚘𝚗𝚜 𝚊𝚛𝚎 𝚘𝚗𝚕𝚢 𝚒𝚗 𝚖𝚢 𝚑𝚎𝚊𝚍.

#just a though i had #demons

[dianitalv]

333

I miss you.