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I had a mini talk with Kuya Mike yesterday. It’s a casual one leaping from work to opening experiences to one another. It made me ease and dump all thoughts I had in my busy mind.

He first asked how was I doing for weeks both in professional and personal aspects. I admitted that I have difficult times as the system’s changed as we started of 2018. I also shared my frustrations with him like how I can start a basic conversation as I am having a hard time doing that, and he gave me tips. I also shared what I would like to achieve as a person, for instance, participating a statistical training which will be lead by PSRTI. He offered me to go to training and in return, I will be sharing what I have learned to my colleagues. It’s like basically tutoring, but we at the company called it cross-learning collaboration. I quivered as self-doubts pull me back.

First off, I told him the training’s too pricey. He didn’t care as he smiled at me and told me that he has plans for me. He also added that Miss Kat has plans for me as well, and it made me nervous and challenged even more. As I thought of it in bed, I worried leaving my work behind for the training. Like, I would always go half day as I attend the training. I worried about my team especially in research aspects. Half of me says, “Pursue it cos you will miss the opportunity if you keep hiding in your shell.” Further, I worried I may not disseminate what I learned to my colleagues clearly. I am aware that most of them hate statistics stuff but is essential in research. The challenge is how will I get them into learning stat stuff when I am aware that they hate it, what would be the easier way to teach them?

But, despite all of my what-ifs bothering my disorganized mind, I am already weighting my decisions and might give it a try. It’s for my growth anyways.

#edlabuhay #01182018

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It was the first Saturday of 2018 and I was nervous how it would turned out - whether my parents would say "yes" for my trip which I lied about (I told them I was with my officemates rather than my boyfriend and his officepals since they knew I broke up with him; anyway, it was a long story), how will his officemates react if they saw me, what will I be doing together with them, and the worrywart's list went on. I was so close of getting a "no" from my parents as I was bitten by our office dog the day before the trip, and even suggested that I should rest but I insisted to go. Hey! It's Calaguas and I haven't gone in Bicol region, plus it would be my first trip with my beloved so I really don't want to miss the opportunity. Further, the payment was not refundable (I think).

Worrying about the dog bite which I got cured and vaccinated was the least priority as I was worried of not arriving on time and missing the trip. I was running late and had to go to my dorm to arrange my clothes I should be bringing for the trip. Tummy rumbled but did not bother. He kept me posted of who was arriving.

As I was miles closer and closer to MOA where our meeting place was, heart went up and down that I even froze the moment I was about to turn right to Starbucks. They were waiting in front it, he was with his officemates. I was this shy, awkward girl approaching them with only one liners coming out from my mouth the moment he introduced me to them. I did not know how to act as I was introduced by him as his "friend" so I should act one. We had little talks before we departed while buying some meds for the trip, and planned that we should not be touchy or whatsoever that may lead to the idea that I am his girlfriend (or was I the only one thinking that I should be normal friendly with him cos he said he did not mind?).

Fast forward to the trip, we were at the left back seat. His hands went to places like embracing me with one arm and holding my hand while inside the van. I was worried that his officemates might saw the thing but he did not mind and told me it was okay. I remembered I slept on his shoulders which I was bothered about!

We arrived at Calaguas island at 10 AM with a two-hour boat ride from the main land. The waves were harsh as we got splashed and soaked nth times. We even saw two rainbows that left us inspired that it would be a good day for swimming and tanning. His two girl-officemates showed some skin but I didn't, though he was looking forward to it as I was conscious of my flaws (my summer bod ain't ready yet, haha!).

We had alcohol after lunch and played a card game wherein we had to take shots depending on the cards we picked. We had plenty and were dizzy after the game. We played another game that would make us even dizzier like caterpillar, and "salok-tubig" using our body parts without squeezing clothes.

Our actions also became intense as we spent the day at the island. We were always close to each other, he took glances at me (not just ordinary ones). We were holding hands in almost everywhere we went. I even hugged his leg as I snoozed off due to fatigue and alcohol while he was playing the guitar on his feet at night, which did not end the "scandal" from there. He even let me lay down on his thigh while he and his officemates chugged another bottle of Emperador! From how we acted that day, I knew that our affection to one another was evident to their eyes in which he did not deny it (I did not know if he confirmed it as he only laughed all the teasing off).

We shared his tent together, his pillow and blanket - and it was my first time ever to share a single tent with a guy. He even hugged me while sleeping. Silly little me became bothered again of what his officemates would be thinking, but he did not mind and told me again it was okay.

Morning before we departed from the island, we collected shells and rocks while having some conversation. It went from random stuff, our plans with each other, and to romantic but "bolero" stuff. I told him that his officemates were thinking weird stuff about us as I heard them at 3AM. For the nth time, he told me he did not mind and instead was grateful that he spent time with me and had our another first's. He apprised that it was the first time he brought his girlfriend at the beach without the presence of his family. I couldn't help it but smile upon hearing it and complimented him "bolero".

I became less and less conscious of my actions as I just enjoyed the scene. It was also a missed opportunity for me as I did not communicate well with his officemates to cope up with my social awkwardness. I did not get to ask Demos, his officemate who is also a freelance voice actor, about voice acting and stuff as I let my shyness shone away. However, it was a fun experience as I de-stress myself while listening to the ocean waves and be one with nature. Further, spending the day (more than 24 hours actually) with him though I borrowed him often from his officemates was an accomplishment for us as we only spent half days or less together.

I am looking forward to more adventures like this. Hope I could travel more this 2018!

#edlabuhay #01162018

[edlabuchorva]

Daily reminder.

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#2017Highlights

It's that time of the year wherein I do my annual year highlights. Before I list down what happened this year, I officially proclaimed 2017 as my year for growth as I learned lots this year. I can't deny the fact that it has been good to me. Though there were some punchings that brought me to tears, those were necessary to make me stronger. Thank you, 2017, your memories will never be forgotten as you are my friend. [curtsies]

And since there were only couple of minutes left, I am now listing down my ultimate throwback list for the year 2017:

Thesis days. Those scratchy sleepless nights preparing for thesis defense, the "Andyan na ba si [insert name of thesis adviser/technical critic]?" questions that we often hear down the hall just to get the papers signed, those kaba-kaba moments whenever we stand in front of our panel to present our paper... I just can't enumerate other details as there were too many! But as we made our paper, I've learned to be patient of my output (cos most of the time, I don't have that spirit). Having an award as we presented our paper at our college's student research forum was a plus, but I guess that was God's way of saying, "you wouldn't know that your research will effect people, here's a recognition for you." Sweet!

Graduation. Say goodbye to those (unsure) grad-waiting sayings as I graduated this year, baby! Actually, I was unsure if I would be able to graduate in May this year, but with the encouragement my batchmates and loved ones gave as well as a little push from my department's faculty, I did it on time. I remembered I was late on my graduation day that I thought of extending a semester (kasi may sabi-sabi na kapag 'di nakapagprusisyon, 'matic hindi na gagraduate). I did the walk and finally got my dream diploma. <3

Job hunting. After graduation day, my mind went "Ano na magiging trabaho mo, bes?" I even re-evaluated myself a couple of times if I was fitted for the job. Most of my applications were failures as I did not hear from the company of what happened to my applications. I got some job offers though, however, I did not like the job description once I learned about them until I finally got one that was and is still challenging for me, haha!

The RA job. So I got one after four months of patiently waiting and praying prior to my graduation rites. And the job I got is challenging for both professional and personal growth as the company I got in seeks greater heights. Actually, I was still bothered of how did I actually get this job as I knew I did not do well on my presentation round (there were three rounds: the interview, the exam, and the research presentation, that is, if you were applying for a research analyst position). But I'm glad I'm still at the company and am hoping that I would last.

Tiwala camp/Welcoming party. A month after I got in, a welcoming party was waiting for us during our Tiwala camp in Real, Quezon Province (we did not know we were heading in QP until the day we departed) and everyone was wasted. Our security guards went wild at the pool while chuggling on wine and hard drinks, some were singing half-awake due to the alcohol's influence, and there were things that cannot be unseen nor unheard but should be buried within the company's premises. Though our welcoming performance was a total face-palm, diverting from city to cool province scene was a sure way to de-stress our minds and souls.

Dorm life. Commuting from P'que City to Cavite for two to three hours a day sure was exhausting as week one turned to weeks three, four, turned to a month. I realized that commuting was fun, however, was consuming your energy until you got drained at work. So I insisted my parents to rent a bedspacer for me and it came true. Now, I'm having a roommate who's my ex-classmate from my ECON subject back in college (which was unexpected for us two), hope that we get along [fingers crossed].

The account switching. I have experienced two switches from October up to the recent one which happened last month. The first one was challenging as a former member of Account A as I did not get switch up, however, I felt the urge that I needed to step up and help Glenda (who was a semi-senior for Account A) teach newbies of how this account revolve. This gave me an opportunity to learn more about this account and got to (super) appreciate it. The second and recent one was I got switched to Account B. It was difficult at first cos there were lots of adjustments (till now, I guess) as I was accustomed to Account A. My team at this account were dependable that sometimes they even took some of my tasks whenever needed that I became frustrated of myself. This experience made me look for opportunities to earn techniques when doing research.

Halloween party 2017. Though my costume was a failure as I did not achieve my look in mind, the experience was totally worth it. I was supposed to look like a cracked doll but then time was up and I did not have someone to do my makeup, I did my makeup simple and went from failed cracked doll to someone in Victorian era. Glad I did not end up in chamber though haha! I guess the fun part was when we play games. That tagu-taguan ended up sparring scaring security guards for me as I searched the empty, dark office for clues (yep, that's how we do our hide-and-seek).

The talk. Honestly, I went from kilig to tears whenever I did this with him and I don't know why haha! The first one was with our TF: Acceptance as we had to share what we could not accept in life yet with our learning partner (and I was partnered with my crush!). I told mine first then the next thing I knew I was bursting into tears (hell, I looked ugly in front of him!). After, he told his stories then cheered me up. Thought that was the first and last until I got depressed and needed someone to talked to so I sought for his ears and advice, and cried again. This time, I thought I saw him wiping his side tear while hearing me out. Guess that was the first time I think I 'touched' him and it was an achievement for me as this was the first time I ever talked to someone I am crushing on.

Christmas lean team. Being the lean team means expecting less work, more chilling mode until requests and unexpected happenings came for the week. This was the time I went reliever mode for Account A originally on Tuesday and Thursday only, that it became from Tuesday until Saturday due to Hania's leave. I was handling two accounts then that I did not know what tasks from which accounts should I do first. It got tougher as I spent my Saturday shift with only Joshua, and only us two were at the office doing reports. I admitted we were 'sabaw' as we stayed on the morning of Christmas' Eve. I was happy that we got to finished all up before Christmas.

With this experiences this 2017, I hope 2018 will make me a lot stronger, wiser and braver that I could distinguish myself to the old one. Though I'm a bit nervous as I know 2018 will be a tough one for both professional and personal life, I hope I could make friends with it as I did with 2017.

Ending this list with bangs and cracks and hopes for a better life.

Happy 2018 in a bit! <3

#edlabuhay #12312017 #2017highlights #2017 year in review

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instagram: ahmetkayaozturk

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50 ways to cope with Stress

Get up 15 minutes earlier.

Prepare for the morning the night before.

Don’t rely on your memory. Write things down.

Repair things that don’t work properly.

Make duplicate keys.

Say no more often

Set priorities in your life.

Avoid negative people.

Always make copies of important papers.

Ask for help with jobs you dislike.

Break large tasks into bite sized portions.

Look at problems as challenges.

Smile more.

Be prepared for rain.

Schedule a play time into everyday.

Avoid tight fitting clothes.

Take a bubble bath.

Believe in you.

Visualize yourself winning.

Develop a sense of humor.

Stop thinking tomorrow will be a better today.

Have goals for yourself.

Say hello to a stranger.

Look up at the stars.

Practice breathing slowly.

Do brand new things.

Stop a bad habit.

Take stock of your achievements.

Do it today.

Strive for excellence not perfection.

Look at a work of art.

Maintain your weight.

Plant a tree.

Stand up and stretch.

Always have a plan ‘B’

Learn a new doodle.

Learn to meet your own needs.

Become a better listener.

Learn your limitations and let others know them too.

Throw a paper airplane.

Exercise everyday.

Get to work early.

Clean out one closet.

Take a different route to work.

Leave work early (with permission)

Remember you always have options.

Quit trying to ‘fix’ other people.

Get enough sleep.

Praise other people.

Relax, take each day at a time…

You have the rest of your life to live.

#reblog

[edlabuchorva]

Our team leader called via office phone while I was doing a 9AM report. She asked me to check on a group post requested by our CEO with my crush's name tagged in it. Upon checking, she then asked me to get him to send the requested report (since he's been thru many accounts that he knows how to handle them, while I have only handled account A up to this moment).

I went to our sleeping quarters called Tent City (since it’s full of tents haha) searching for him. I lastly stumbled upon a tent fully zipped (doubting there was sleeping inside). When I unzipped it, I found him half-awake and was surprised of me. He thought I was some kind of ghost! And here's the catch, though lying down with bed hair, I cannot help but squeal internally. My heart skipped a beat that I want to shout it aloud. But remaining calm, I told him that our CEO needs a report to be sent by him. He then agreed.

After waking him up, I quickly returned to the floor with my OMG smile shining on my face. My mind kept on reminding me "Shet! Ang gwapo nya kahit kakagising lang huhu" til I returned to my own pace doing the 9AM report.

Minutes later, he went to the floor sipping his mug then asked me about the request. I showed him our CEO's post then went to his Mac to check on the report. While he was commenting to our CEO's post, our group chat kept on ringing. He gave me a thumbs up for a good job which was waking him up. He also told everyone of what happened -- he was shocked while I was unzipping his tent, thought it would be another horror story in our company. I laughed it off and told I did not mean to be a "ghost".

I asked him random questions after like who is his tent buddy since I was curious. He answered "Wala kong katabing lalaki kase ilang ako. Mas sanay akong katabi ko matulog ay babae," then I went kilig upon hearing his statement (internally, again). My mind would tell me "Sana makatabi mo ko sa pagtulog" but I did not tell him anyway because I know it would turned out awkward. Hahahaha. I would love to bug him questions to know him better but I could not think of any so I continued doing my daily task/report.

#edlabuhay #11122017

[edlabuchorva]

Self-Motivation

I have had a huge amount of people messaging me asking how they can be motivated to revise for exams, or to work when they get home. Here’s a post with some tips that will hopefully help you guys out!

JUST START: Maybe you are lying on the sofa watching Netflix, on your phone warm in bed, or curled up with a great book. The hardest thing to do is to start working when you just don’t want to, but if you ‘just start’ it can really flip your attitude. The process of cleaning up your desk and getting your books out to study can focus your mind, and get your head in the right place ready to work and revise. I often find that if I just start, it immediately becomes a lot easier to keep going.

SET GOALS AND FOCUS: It is really hard to motivate yourself if you have no set goal or aspiration to aim for and accomplish. By setting yourself goals you give yourself a reason to work, and this will immediately increase your motivation. Once you know what you are aiming for, try and keep those goals in the back of your mind all the time, and use them whenever you are feeling demotivated. Don’t be shy or conservative with these goals either - aim and dream big!

TRACK YOUR PROGRESS: Keeping a journal, or just some type of daily reminder of what you are aiming for and what progress you have made so far will really help you maintain your motivation. Being able to write down your thoughts will help organise the things you have to do, and reading through it at times when you’re feeling demotivated will help stimulate you and remind you why you are working so hard. It will also allow you to see how far you have come, motivating you to keep going in the same productive and positive direction, giving you a sense of achievement.

DON’T WORK ALONE: It can be hard to motivate yourself to work sometimes, so having a study-partner to give you that extra ‘push’ on the days you don’t feel so motivated can be invaluable. You don’t have to necessarily work with them, as you may work more efficiently alone; but having that person that you can rely on to tell you when you are procrastinating will really help just get you going.

FIND YOUR MANTRA: I have found that you can really get yourself motivated a lot, just by telling yourself that you are good enough, and that you can and will accomplish what you are aiming for. Make yourself a mantra which you can say to yourself to motivate yourself. It doesn’t have to be long or complex at all, just a little phrase or quote that you can write down, think in your head etc. to get yourself wanting to start studying.

SPLIT UP TASKS: If you sit down at your desk with an absolutely huge project to complete you will feel demotivated, and it would be easy to just think that there’s no point in starting to attempt the huge task. Instead, split up larger pieces of work into small chunks. This will make each individual task a lot more manageable, and it will mean you can ‘tick-off’ more tasks from your to-do list, which will give you a greater sense of achievement, motivating you more.

REWARD YOURSELF: It can be really hard to just study or revise all day. If you set rewards for yourself then these can be used to motivate yourself to work through the things you have to do, and finish all your tasks. These rewards can be anything; from allowing yourself to go out with friends in the afternoon/evening, or having a piece of chocolate cake if you finish all your homework.

HOLD YOURSELF ACCOUNTABLE: You can do this by making a public announcement of your goals/aspirations in a big way, or just by telling your parents that you are going to be revising for the next 3 hours. As long as you tell someone else, then you will be held accountable. The people you told know that you are meant to be studying/working and will be expecting you to be doing so, this will therefore make you motivated to work and stick to what you said you were going to do.

LEARN FROM YOUR MISTAKES: Everyone makes mistakes - it is completely normal and expected/ The key thing to do is not to lose motivation and feel bad for yourself. You need to accept the bad result/outcome, and choose to learn from it. Analyse your actions leading up to the mistake/bad test result etc. and see what you can do better next time. If you are feeling bad about it, then let yourself really feel it, and use that as motivation - to never have to feel like that again. 

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[edlabuchorva]

This is for...everybody.

This is for the depressed whose mind forces you that you can no longer go on because it’s all useless and worthless, you are not your depression. You are not why it is so hard to get up in the morning. You are not the negative thoughts that keep you awake at night. You are not the missed opportunities you have slept through because sleep seems like the only escape. You are not tears you try to hide when you go in the shower. You are not the emptiness you feel when you’re supposed to be happy over beautiful things. You are not your depression. You are a person with depression, you’re still a person and you’re alive and you still have hope to heal, to have a beautiful life.

This is for the anxious ones whose mind cannot focus on one things because every single thing is too much. You are not your anxiety. You are not that buzzing tornado you feel inside you every time something happens. You are not how you lose control and how things slip from your hands because it’s all just too much. You are not your worries, your fears, your potential mistakes. You are much more than this. You will rise above all this and somebody but right now, just keep going. Count to ten to relax. Focus on specific things like the color of the walls when things just get too much. You can do this. You can do this. You can do this.

This is for the insecure ones who never believed in themselves. You are not your mistakes. You are not your past. You are not your imperfections. You are not your flaws. You are not what people say about you. You are not the number your weighing scale shows you. You are not the size of your pants. You are not the things you find ugly in yourself. Who you are is another human being whose soul is looking for patches when there are holes in you but you need these holes for light to come through, to let the darkness inside you fade. You may find comfort in yourself, to not always seek for perfection but for comfort and peace whether it’s a strength or weakness or flaw or beauty. 

This is for the brokenhearted ones who feel like it’s the end of the world. Maybe it’s the end of just one world, of one chapter in your life. There is pain inside you that words cannot even describe but it’s tearing you apart and you don’t wanna wake up anymore. But hearts heal. Pain fades. Or maybe when pain doesn’t fade away, you get to be the stronger version of you that lives with the pain and be okay with you. This broken heart of yours will find its pieces again and be whole in time. But right now, gently hold the pieces and let every edges be covered in love from people around you. You will heal soon. You will be okay.

This is for the angry ones who just can’t let go. It’s okay. You have the right to be mad. to be angry. or even to get hurt. You have valid emotions but anger is can grow into hatred and hatred can rot your soul. Be angry for a while. Say things you wanna say but be careful. And learn to forgive, maybe not for them for yourself because if you hold onto these things, you might miss out on better things you deserve. 

This is for the ones feeling they’re alone. Whether you are actually alone or you just feel alone despite the people around you, you got this. You got yourself. If there’s no one else to push you, do it for yourself. You can do this. If there is someone, let them in. Let them break your walls and let them in. Let them be there for you. Let them see who you are and let them be there for you. You need people too but you need to be there for yourself first. You can grow on your own for a little while and use this time to discover yourself first.

This is for ones feeling lost. You are confused. You don’t know what’s next. You don’t know what you want. Or maybe you do but when you don’t know what to do next. You are clueless or you have too many choices. You see too many roads and you don’t know which path to take. It’s okay. You can pause for a little while and think. But remember whatever you do, wherever you go, you will eventually come to the places you need to be. You will be who are you meant to be and you will realize why things have to happen. Breathe for a while, you are not in control of everything. Just breathe. 

This is for everyone, you’re all valid. What you feel is valid. Where you are now isn’t necessarily who you are. Your past may be dark but your present gives you the choice to add light into your future. Your soul may need rest but keep going when you can. You can cry when you need to. Just breathe. Love. Hope. Have faith. You’re all not supposed to be perfect in everything. You got this. 

#reblog

[edlabuchorva]

Hello, employment!

Finally! After three months of waiting and registering as tambay sa bahay following my graduation rites, those anxious days of applying for a job are now over. From the moment I got an interview, got invited for a series of examination, and have to deliver a presentation until got the job offer, I still can’t imagine that God has answered my prayers. I used to think that I’m unemployable — but maybe because it wasn’t my time yet to get a job that suits me well. Now I have it in my hands, I can’t wait till my first day though my feelings are mixed.

First was I feel excitement as I will meet the rest of the company’s personnel as well as my batchmates. I can’t wait to spend my (first) working life with them and learn lots that would gained points for a professional skill. I’m also thrilled to participate with the company’s activities be it in service for clients, team building or just de-stressing and having fun.

I also want to admit I’m pretty nervous due to roads I have to travel just to get in time at the company. There’s the non-ending (and sometimes unexpected) traffic at the metro. Alternative routes which I’m still unfamiliar with are also present. The area was new to me. The first time I traveled to Parañaque was for my initial interview. I have gone through it only thrice for application purposes (and near the company’s area) only so I could say I’m not pretty confident traveling to and fro Parañaque, but maybe as I spend my working hours there, I could get used to it eventually.

Working hours at the company is from 12pm to 9pm which is rare as most companies have working hours from 8am to 5pm. My mom worries my commuting hours as she expects me to be home at a late hour, plus all those negative news about killings worsens it. I insist her to rent a bedspace or dorm or an apartment for me so I could cancel those tiring travel hours to and fro the office from my schedule, however, still unamused. Her only reply was “Hindi ko alam yung lugar na yon” which made me worry more. I don’t have family members residing in Parañaque area as most of them lives in Cavite. Well, we do have cousins from my father’s side in Las Piñas; the problem is we’re not that close to them, and I’m also not familiar with the area. The only light I could see that my parents would approve of renting a bedspace is to have a dormmate who’s also my batchmate or officemate so their worries would lessen. If only the company would let its employees stay for the night(s) at the office — well, they do for those who are regulars, but I’m still in probationary status so it doesn’t apply for me. So I’m praying to God for a go signal to get a dorm near the office.

Another thing that I’m worrying about was my medical clearance. I’m still short for a requirement and I couldn’t get my medical clearance unless my UTI is out of the picture. I’m taking antibiotics the doctor has prescribed and will have my re-urinalysis this week. I’m hoping and praying that it would heal as I have a week to go to complete my requirements and prepare myself. Hope God gives answers to my worries and prayers.

#edlabuhay #08282017