ember20sblog

[ember20sblog]

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Grieving the life I had before I got so sick mentally and physically:(

#ed not ed sheeran #i hate my body #chronically ill #chronic pain #chronic illness #actually mentally ill #mentally fucked #mentally tired #mental illness #mentally exhausted

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Fucking hate this 😖

#ed not ed sheeran #i hate my body #anorex14 #i want to be tiny #i want to be weightless #tw disordered eating #tw ed diet #tw ed sheeran #starv3

[ember20sblog]

When I see my bloated stomach in the mirror after eating a meal🥲

#ed not ed sheeran #i hate my body #anorex14 #i want to be tiny #i want to be weightless #tw disordered eating #tw ed diet #tw ed sheeran #starv3

[ember20sblog]

hey sorry can't talk rn i'm busy grieving all that could've been, yeah it's gonna be all weekend

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I mean yeah I carry a sadness that exhausts my will to live like a leach on my heart but I’m basically fine

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:(

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I wish i could eat like I ate as a kid. No worries, no calories. Just food.

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I’m so disgusting:( I can’t seem to restrict as much anymore and it sucks!!! I’ve bee gaining weight like crazy and I hate myself so much for it!!

Idk what else to do? I wanted to purge today but I couldn’t bc my mom made me go with her to the bookstore. I feel awful and I wanna just rip open my skin and leave my body

#ed not ed sheeran #i hate my body #anorex14 #i want to be tiny #i want to be weightless #tw disordered eating #tw ed diet #tw ed sheeran #starv3

[ember20sblog]

#ed not ed sheeran #i hate my body #anorex14 #i want to be tiny #i want to be weightless #tw disordered eating #tw ed diet #tw ed sheeran #starv3 #body dismorphia tw

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I miss the times when cals didn't scare the shit out of me.

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Your ED is valid, even you are overweight.

You are allowed to recover, at every BMI or weight.

- It's worth it.

Much love ♡

[ember20sblog]

I have failed the edtumblr community:( I have been gaining weight instead of losing and I feel disgusting af. Also the new meds I’m on make losing weight even harder. But it’s no excuse bc I’ve been eating poorly during my depressive episode. I need to get back down to 100lbs. Right now I’m 107-108lbs and I haven’t been this weight in a couple of years. I’ve stayed under 105 up until now.

Also does anyone else Lowkey wish they didn’t have food in the house? Like Ik that sounds so bad bc being able to have food at home is a blessing that not everyone has and I don’t wanna sound insensitive to those ppl at all! But my ED brain wishes we didn’t have money to go grocery shopping. I wish I didn’t go buy food because now I don’t wanna eat any. I feel so awful in my body right now and food being around me makes me feel worse. I can’t even say I have Ana anymore like I’m so disgusting and greedy and a pig!! Someone tell me to stop shoving food in my face pls!!

#i hate my body #ed not ed sheeran #i want to be tiny #i want to be weightless #tw disordered eating #tw ed diet #tw ed sheeran #anorex14 #starv3

[ember20sblog]

Welp…passed out at my cardiologist appointment today😀

Guess who got diagnosed with POTS🥲

Also yes I’m in the middle of a depressive episode so I’ll probably disappear again :’)

#mentally tired #i hate my body #ed not ed sheeran #chronically ill #i am physically unwell

[ember20sblog]

[ember20sblog]

#sewer slide #actually mentally ill #ed not ed sheeran #i hate my body #kms #trigger warning