equallyshaw

[equallyshaw]

I’ll be back this weekend!!!!!! Freed myself my a almost toxic situation with a guy and finishing my final week of undergrad !!!! Can’t wait for y’all to see what’s been sitting in my drafts lol

#Anna’s thoughts #equallyshaw Masterlist

[equallyshaw]

theres TOO much going on here lol

You know, at least once a day, I think about how I feel as if we just skipped right past this moment. I could write an entire essay solely based off this picture alone.

#Luke hughes #trevor zegras #jack is GONE #jack hughes

[equallyshaw]

Your girl might be having a boyfriend in a few weeks which means…idk how I’ll write on this account anymore 🥲😅

#advice? #lmaoo #let me NOT jinx myself lol #Anna’s thoughts

[equallyshaw]

“have you ever touched connor bedard’s stick? (and did he know?)”

#I’d pay a monthly fee to get more articles like this #because I got so much entertainment out of it #lol #Connor Bedard #chicago blackhawks

[equallyshaw]

shut the fuck up -- i LOVE this

through it all | luke hughes

summary: when the comments start getting to her, luke is there to show his girl he'll be there through it all.

warnings: rude comments, body shaming, fat shaming, angst (w/ a happy ending), swearing

wc: forgot to keep track but a lot

The constant ticking of the clock seemed to mock you, counting away the time wasted reading those insufferable words. You typically veered away from the comment section altogether, but something about the empty apartment weakened your resolve. 

Being away on a roadie, Luke didn’t understand the trouble that plagued your mind. He always made sure to make you feel like the only girl in the world, so why was it that as soon as he leaves, you fall apart? He didn’t understand how the words of others held so much power over you, how they held you hostage. 

You sat, legs tucked under you, holding your phone with shaky hands. Something in you had hoped for better. Maybe people changed their views about you and everything that came with. Maybe you could finally open social media without the constant fear of ridicule. Yet, you were proved wrong once again. The comments hadn’t changed and neither did the way your throat contracted in disgust and embarrassment.

User4562: still can’t believe luke would date someone like her

Fan93: get this whale outta here pls 

Hater365: luke is so much hotter then her?? shes not even pretty??

User67:  this is kinda embarrassing for her tbh

Fan42: girl needs to learn what the gym is asap

Hater6783: pretty sure her thighs are bigger than his…

User3421: comments did not disappoint💀

Hot tears filled your eyes as the negativity swarmed your senses. How could people be so cruel? Deep sobs wracked through your body as you let your phone fall to the couch. You grabbed the nearest pillow, pulling it into your chest.

You felt suffocated. The weight of being in the spotlight and the tense wave of hate was too much. You couldn’t fully understand why people were so bothered by your appearance or the fact that Luke had chosen you.

Though, in all fairness, you couldn’t grasp why Luke chose you, either. He had a roster of beautiful, fit women at his beck and call, yet he was bouncing his way home to you every night. No matter how many times he expressed his love, it was too big for you to comprehend.

So, there you sat, mascara running down your face, sobbing into a throw pillow because random people on the internet decided you weren’t good enough.

❥.

You must have fallen asleep at some point through your cries, because as your swollen eyes managed to peek open, you noticed the sunlight beginning to shine through your living room curtains. For a peaceful moment, you forgot the previous night’s turmoil. You let yourself fully wake up, slowly sitting to adjust to your surroundings.

Confusion plagued you as you realized you were on the couch. Your face fell with gloom as reality hit you like a truck. Swarms of comments flashed in your mind once more, diminishing any energy you had for the day.

Although, as you slumped back into the cushions, you heard the front door unlock.

Shit.

You grabbed your phone to check the time, only to be met with a black screen. Your phone must have died during the night, rendering your alarm to go pick up Luke, pointless. Standing from the couch, you rush to the kitchen to make yourself look busy.

Luke swung the door open, trudging in with all his bags.

“Hey angel, I thought you were picking me up?” He chuckled, “You’re lucky Dawson lives in our complex, or I would have been stranded.”

“Yeah-” You cleared your throat trying to will away the tightness, “Yeah, I’m sorry, Lukey. My phone died last night.”

Luke shook his head at your forgetfulness. He quickly set down his bags by the kitchen table, noticing the state of the living room.

His brows furrowed, “Did you sleep in the living room last night?”

Panic flooded deep in your stomach. You should have known Luke would get suspicious. After all, he knew how picky you were about where you slept.

Scrambling for a lie, you responded with a quick, “I was watching a movie and fell asleep.”

Luke walked over to where you busied yourself by cleaning the leftover dishes. You sucked in a breath, hoping you didn’t appear too disheveled. Ducking your head closer to your chest, you tried to look anywhere else but Luke’s face as he took to the spot next to you.

“Y/n?” Luke’s voice came in a soft whisper.

When he didn’t get a response, he gently reached to grab the faucet handle, turning it till the water trickled to a halt. Grabbing the dish towel nearby, he also helped dry your hands while you sat limply.

In truth, you were too afraid to speak, or move. You were afraid that if you looked into Luke’s sorrowful eyes, you’d crack. You’d finally show the version of yourself that the internet sees, the version that he’d hate.

Luke set down the towel, his eyes seeking your downcast face. “Y/n, baby? Please talk to me.”

You shook your head slightly, pulling away as his hand brushed up your arm.

“D-did I do something?” Luke began to worry, he’s never seen you act like this, “Was I gone too long? I thought we facetimed enough, but I can try to call you more.”

It broke your heart to hear him. The simple fact that he assumed it was himself and wanted to fix it. He was too good for you, the internet saw it, you saw it. So naturally, it was only a matter of time before he did too.

“No,” You let out a deep sigh, “It’s not you, Luke.”

He swallowed thickly, nerves beginning to take over his senses. “Then what is it, angel? Please, I just want to help you.”

Hot tears blurred in your eyes, he finally broke your resolve.

Luke immediately pulled you into his chest, his calloused hands moving to cradle the back of your head as you sobbed. He was at a loss. Not knowing what the correct thing to do was, he held you tighter. Luke was prepared to hold you forever if it meant you’d stop crying. He could swear a piece of his heart dies every time he sees you cry.

“Shh, shh,” He soothed as he stoked your hair, “Angel, it’s okay. I promise, I’m here.”

You gripped his hoodie, scared he’d disappear from under your fingertips.

The both of you remained in each other’s embrace until you found your breath regulating. Pulling away, you swore Luke winced when he saw your bloodshot, puffy eyes.

“C’mon, let’s go to the couch.” He guided you carefully, making sure to help you get comfortable enough to talk to him. Once you had settled into his side, he finally nudged you to start talking.

“If you’re ready, will you tell me what’s wrong, baby?”

Deciding to go against your gut will to hide the truth, you pulled out your phone, now freshly charged. You shakily opened up your social media, hitting into the comment section.

“Here,” You placed the phone into Luke’s hand, “Just scroll.”

Upon beginning to read the first few comments, you could see Luke’s face visibly grow stern and frustrated. He bit the inside of his cheek as angry tears welled in his eyes. Luke felt every muscle in his body tense with hatred and fury towards the lowlifes that would dare to say such vile things about his girlfriend.

He shut the phone off and tossed it away, not being able to handle reading another word of the electric slander on your screen.

It took a moment for Luke to compose himself, taking deep breaths and debating on how to approach the situation.

Now, of course Luke had grown used to people writing heavily opinionated articles and hate comments about him. Hell, he even got used to seeing it about his brothers. But something he never considered was the impact it would have on you.

“I’m sorry.”

Your eyes shot up at Luke’s apology.

Why is he apologizing?

He had his head down, fingers picking at each other. He looked guilty, as if, somehow, he caused all of this to happen.

“What?”

Luke wouldn’t meet your eyes.

“I’m sorry, this is my fault.”

You shook your head sternly, “No it’s not, Luke. It’s mine” Your voice went quiet.

Luke slowly looked up to see fresh tears cascading in taunting rivers down your cheeks.

“It’s my fault for being not good enough.”

He tried to protest, but was only silenced by your words.

“It’s so hard trying to be perfect all the time. Especially when all I’m getting is ridicule for living my life. It’s not fair that I have to have my head on a constant swivel because some person decided my body wasn’t up to standard. It’s not fair that I have to wake up, everyday, worried you’ll realize you deserve so much more than me.”

Luke’s own tears rolled down his face at your confession. He couldn’t quite get a handle on how long you have felt this way.

His beautiful girl.

His heart shattered, “I- I don’t understand.”

“There’s nothing to understand, Luke.” You interrupted, “It’s just the way it is. People who look like you don’t love people who look like me.”

His face grew grim.

“No, Y/n. What I don’t understand is how you can think like that. I mean, fuck, don’t you realize you’re every thought I have before bed. And every breath of air I breathe when I wake up. I don’t know who these “people” are that you’re referring to, but I’m not one of them.”

Luke took your face in his hands, “You are my girl. And if I have to spend the rest of our lives proving that to you, then I will.”

There wasn’t much you could say through the thickness of emotion. You threw your arms around Luke, his own coming to dig into your plushy hips.

“Thank you, Lukey.” You mumbled into his neck.

“For what?”

“For loving me.”

“Always.”

Maybe you were enough for him.

#the cutest thing ever #Luke hughes #fic recs #!!!!

[equallyshaw]

I PROMISE that once this semester is over and I’m 98% done with my degree (random # lol) and have half a semester after this one of my undergrad, I’ll be more active!!!! My internship, job, sorority AND school has been kicking my ass recently. And since the only thing I do is read if my schedule allows it - I’m too tired to write let alone watch hockey😭

#equallyshaw Masterlist #Anna’s thoughts #this is the FINAL stretch #lmao

[equallyshaw]

drop this sunflower 🌻 into the inboxes of the blogs that make you happy! lets spread a little sunshine ☀️

Needed this 🥹🥹🤍

#inbox

[equallyshaw]

ouu im excited!!!

Angels like you

Julianna Vargas has grown up to love hockey at a young age. Ever since she can remember she's gone to many devil games as she's from New Jersey. Julie, how everyone likes to call her is a singer that rose to fame back in 2020 after one of her songs from her breakup album went on top charts. She had been in the spotlight since then and went from being invited as a guest to the games to singing the national anthem. From there she met many of the players and invited them to one of her concerts in New York, but she ended up getting really close to one specific player.

→ all chapters, social media edits, and headcanons are under the hashtag #angels like you and #nico x julianna

★ extras

playlist

taglist

introduction

✯ Julianna's introduction

fics

(coming soon!)

social media edits

(coming soon!)

blurbs/asks

(coming soon!)

#au recs #!!!! #nico hischier

[equallyshaw]

CONGRATULATIONS Cillian Murphy on being awarded Best Actor by the four major film award associations, effectively sweeping the 2024 award season

[equallyshaw]

So. Fucking. Good.

OBSESSED

SUMMARY: you and jack had been dating for around nine months now, and recently his ex has been coming back around. this causes you to go on a social media stalking rampage, and soon you become a little obsessed with her.

PAIRINGS: jack hughes x fem!reader

WARNINGS: social media stalking, shit talking exes, use of jenna and nicole (nicole is a real person tho!!! bratters gf), use of (y/n)

if i told you how much i think about her, you’d think i was in love. and if you knew how much i looked at her pictures, you would we’re best friends.

It wasn’t hard to figure out who jack’s ex was. The way he seemed to barely look her way when one of his teammates brought up the fact she was at the game. Instead of sporting a devils jersey, like she used to, she was wearing a rangers jersey, and holding a sign for a rangers player.

it also wasn’t hard to immediately become jealous of her when jack’s teammates talked about how she used to always show up to games. it almost made you feel.. belittled. especially because you had a job, you couldn’t always make jacks games, but he understood that.

by the time the game ended and you sat on a bench, waiting for jack, you’d already find yourself scrolling through her instagram. you looked at every picture, how she was such a pretty blonde. short, tan, blonde, the stereotypical puck bunny. but she knew puck.

for the next fifteen minutes— she stayed on your mind.

‘cause i know her star sign, i know her blood type, i’ve seen every movie she’s been in and god she’s beautiful. i know you loved her, and i know i’m butt hurt— but i can’t help it, no i cant help it.

of course as soon as you and jack got home, you began to search her up online. so invested in your research, when you and jack ‘went to bed,’ you carefully snuck out of the man’s arms and back to your laptop.

she was an actress, of course she was an actress. she starred in a few movies, she was amazing. you bit your nail before quickly exiting the tabs as you heard your boyfriend’s footsteps.

“baby what are you doing up? it’s 12:44, come back to bed.” he spoke, hand rubbing his eyes.

you stood up from the stool and walked over to him, your body pressing against his as your arms wrapped around his torso.

“sorry love, i was just finishing up work.” you lied.

jack just hummed and the two of you went back to your bedroom. your mind began to cloud with thoughts, thoughts of her and jack. did jack treat her the exact same way he treated you? was anything special or was it shared? you know he loved her at one point, but now he loved you, so why stay butt hurt?

i’m so obsessed with your ex, uh huh. i know she’s been asleep on my side of your bed, and i can feel it. i’m staring at her, like i wanna get hurt. and i remember every detail you have ever told me, so be careful baby. IM SO OBSESSED WITH YOUR EX!

it was the second game against the rangers, this time and away game. the blonde was sat in the regular stands while you were in the WAGs suite. you could see her from where you sat, and your eyes burned holes in the back of her head.

thats the woman who had jacks heart before you, the woman who slept on your side of the bed, the woman who cheated on him twice. oh you knew a lot— especially from what jack told you.

“she cheated on me with some guy on the rangers— a real work of art, both of them.” jack told you.

you didn’t realize you were zoning out until nicole, one of the other WAGs, placed a hand on your shoulder.

“you alright there lovie? you seem to be staring at something down there a little too hard.” she asked.

your eyes flickered to her. “yeah im fine— just zoned out. when i get too excited it happens.”

nicole smiled. “well— hopefully our boys can kick the rangers ass. im tired of jenna constantly texting me to rub it in my face that we lost. im not even her friend.”

jenna was jacks ex. that was her name, jenna. she was still texting some of the devils girls? even after everything? you almost laughed, but instead you out on a confused look.

“jenna?” you pretended not to know her.

“oh shes jacks ex— we can’t stand her, especially after what she did to the boy.” nicole told you.

good to know.

she’s got those lips, she’s got those hips, the life of every fuckin’ party. she’s talented, she’s good with kids, she even speaks kindly about me..

the devils won, which called for a celebration in some random club. even though you were still in new york, people congratulated the team on the win. maybe they hated the rangers too, or they were islander fans. you didn’t really expect some of the rangers to show up though, and especially not jenna.

her lips popped with the bright red lip stick she adorned. her hips swayed with every step she took in that mini silver dress. in that moment, she became the life of the party. in that moment, you felt your hands wrap around your body.

that didn’t last for long though, especially not when jack was there. his body pressed against yours as you both danced to the music. his hands gripping your waist, your arms slung around his neck. the sloppy kisses he pressed to your jaw. you had this, she didn’t.

but she had to ruin it. “wow you are so pretty!” her voice rang out. this caused jack to slowly, irritatedly pull away. your hands fell down to his arms as the smile on your face slowly turned fake.

“oh thank you.. uh do i know you?” jacks hand squeezed your waist.

jenna gave a look to jack, which you caught, before looking back at you. “one of jacks exes. you are?” she spoke.

“his girlfriend.”

and i know you love me, and i know it’s crazy.. but every time you call my name, i think you mistake me for her. you both have moved on, you don’t even talk. but i can’t help it, i got issues, i can’t help it baby.

“(y/n), baby?” jacks voice rang through the apartment. your body tensed slightly as his voice, scared that maybe he said the wrong name and that maybe you were just another jenna.

“(y/n)? have you seen my shirt?” he spoke loudly.

you sighed through your nose, “which one?”

jacks footsteps padded on the floor. you hid a smile as you sat at the kitchen island. you expected him to speak, but instead his arms wrapped around you from behind, causing you to let out a laugh.

“well it seems to be right here, isn’t that right?” he pinched at the fabric that draped over your body.

you feigned a look of innocence. “oh, you meant this one?” you smiled.

“when did you put this one on, pretty girl?” he asked you.

“it was the first shirt i found this morning. i dont find it to be too endearing walking around naked.”

jacks lips met the side of your neck, as his hands ran up and under his shirt that you wore. “mm, i dont know, i think that would be pretty nice.”

you let out a laugh as your hand reached back to play with his hair. “and let some random people see me? no thank you.”

“i guess you’re right, wouldn’t want anyone to see whats for my eyes only.” he spoke.

you hummed, feeling his kisses move to your jaw and become sloppier. “lets take this shirt off you, shall we?”

your thoughts disappeared as he dragged you to your room. there was no way he didn’t love you, not after the way he just worshipped you. oh no, he was yours, but his ex was still someone who made you worry.

is she friends with your friends? is she good in bed? do you think about her? no, im fine, it doesn’t matter tell me, is she easy-going? never controlling? well-traveled? well read? oh god, she makes me so upset! im so obsessed with your ex!

as jack left for practice, you couldn’t help but wonder about his ex. the last few questions that ran through your mind. she wasn’t friends with nicole or any of the girls, but what about his friends? her and trevor followed each other, same with her and cole.

does jack think about her often? last night at the club she seemed to piss him off by coming up to you both, maybe thats all? maybe he thinks about how much he hates her? or maybe he misses her— oh god was she good in bed?

was she easy-going? you were easy-going. so who cared. never controlling? you werent that controlling, the only thing you didnt want jack doing was liking random models pictures, and that was a set boundary because he said the same thing about random male models or hockey players (besides friends of course— for the both of you).

god jenna barely did anything to you and she made you so upset. pissed— frustrated, made you wanna pull your hair out.

you were obsessed.

im unable to tag everyone!

TAGS: @slaythehousebootsdown13 , @lxnceclercs , @honethatty12 , @outrunangelss , @absolutelyhugh3s , @hockeyboysarehot , @lovinbarzal , @shadowsndaisies , @um-mads , @bqbylon , @whoreforthehughesbrothers , @Robloxlover2007 , @p3nislawd , @alexx-stancati , @queenmendes , @-eedwardss , @if-my-heart-bleeds , @love-like-woaah , @freds-slut , @sleepybesson , @love4lando , @equallyshaw , @bellstwd , @ivy-34 , @slafgoalskybaby , @hischierxx , @dancerbailey3 , @jackhughesily , @cstads-blog , @ru-kru , @sbrn0905 , @love4ldr , @loveforaugust

#go read #now !! #fic recs #Jack hughes #mutuals

[equallyshaw]

Nico Hischier Pre-Raw | 03.05.24

#cut the bs nico #youre happy his ass is GONE #and pls be real #y'all did not have a good relationship #lmao #nico hischier #New Jersey devils

[equallyshaw]

𝓼𝓮𝓮𝓲𝓷 𝓻𝓮𝓭 | 𝓶𝓪𝓽 𝓫𝓪𝓻𝔃𝓪𝓵 𝓪𝓾 ↠ kisses to my exes.... - fic. ↠ au masterlist. ↠ takes place in november 2024. ↠ warnings: derogatory words are used against olivia. ↠ word count: 2.2k.

it all happened so quickly, that mat's only response was seeing red and a hard wack against jacks wrist. mat doesn't remember what happened afterward, only that he won the fight and ended up on top of jack before the refs pulled him off. those words still etched into his brain, as he skated off the ice and towards the locker room. matt martin watched with pure acid across his face, as he watched jack skate to the box whilst fighting with a ref. matt skated over from the corner and started screaming at jack, along with bo. jack was so out of line and he deserved to go to hell for it.

olivia and sydney watched from the suite, and olivia could feel herself needing to heave at the sight of it all. there would have been nothing for mat to go after jack, unless jack said something about her. and that was true for each and every islander, for the one's who had met her once and for the one's who had spent time with her when she was on long island. jack was relentless and had no problem going head to head with mat, bo and martin in the same 5 minutes. sydney took ahold of olivia's hand and rubbed circles on it, trying to comfort not only herelf but olivia who needed it more. "stop stop stop." olivia kept repeating to herself, hoping the universe would stop them from fighting. jack was not backing down though, and that ticked matt and bo too no end. her phone vibrated in her pocket, and saw a few texts from mat. one, saying that he was thrown out for the rest of the period- which meant the game. second, that he needed to speak to olivia that evening after the game. and finally, he needed a tall glass of red wine to go with it. and maybe some pizza, to push the guilt and anger into his system; even more. "go- if mat is done he is done. he's gonna want to leave and not sit around." sydney commented not even looking down at her sister as she scolded mat in her mind. olivia nodded before turning around and taking off.

as she did so, she received small smiles of encouragement from some of the other wags, and she nodded in acknowledgment. she headed down to the elevator at the end of the hall, and pressed the tunnel button. she breathed in and out, counting to three for each trying to calm herself. the elevator opened and headed to the right, down towards where the players entered and exited the locker room, and saw the security guard that she'd taken a liking to. so had mat, once she told him about a recipe they should try to make together and as soon as the season started, she always greeted him and wished him a safe drive home and a good evening or day, etc.

"hey miss reddddd." the woman said excitedly, coming up to greet the girl with a fist bump. the redhead smiled, as she gave her one back. "he just entered maybe ten minutes ago, he should be out soon. training staff said he was skedaddling asap." the women chuckled trying to ease the tension and olivia nodded with a small smile, "i'd expect nothing less leslie that's for sure." she hummed leaning on the wall across from the door, a few feet away so mat didn't feel bombarded as soon as he exited. leslie gave her a knowing nod, before going back to her original position.

olivia's foot tapped, for the next ten minutes before mat exited the locker room looking to his left than right for the red head. mat's body physically sighed as soon as he laid his eyes on her. she looked up as she saw feet enter her vision, and smiled softly once she met his gaze. he could tell she was nervous and very apprehensive when they met each other's eyesight. "are you hurt?" was the first question out of her mind, but he didn't say anything but kiss the top of her head before wrapping his arms around her shoulders. she savored his warmth, incase it was the last time she'd ever hug him.

"let's get going." mat whispered and she nodded before he took his hand in hers. "barzal!" they heard behind them, and low and behold matt waltzed down the tunnel towards the lockerroom door. mat gave him a slight and curt nod, in awklodgement. matt and olivia met each others eyes, and he gave her a salute. the two of them knowing exactly what had happened, once mat left.

mat thanked the valet for getting his car started, and he swiftly opened the passenger side letting olivia in first before walking over towards the driver side. olivia took in the tension lines on his forehead, as they began to drove. he was deep in thought, and that made her nervous. mat drove with both hands on the steering wheel, while olivia fidgeted her in her seat. sydney texted her that mat was thrown out for fighting with jack verbally and then arguing with the ref, over not throwing out jack. oh and looks like bo was headed down the tunnel too, with 5 minutes left. he'd no doubt be having a hearing in the next few days for a hit to jack. she sighed, locking her phone and clasping her eyes shut. she did not like the fact that these guys she'd gotten close to, were standing up for her. she appreciated it, but did not like them getting thrown out. or suspended even.

mat pulled into the townhouse garage, shut the car off quickly, and hopped out. she pulled off her seatbelt and thanked mat when he opened the door for her. she walked in behind him and greeted them with her cat finnick, and she smiled picking him up. mat headed towards the kitchen, yanking off his suit jacket while she went upstairs to get changed and wash her makeup off. finnick curled at her feet in the washroom, as she finished putting on some skincare oils. she was in the middle of applying an eyelash serum when mat came into view, and leaned against the door. he had two glasses of red wine. he stood their silently as he allowed her to concentrate, before walking over and setting the glass down in front of her. she thanked him and turned back towards the mirror, but instead he set his glass down as well. he turned her to face him, and placed his hands on her cheeks. her very freckled and pale cheeks, leaning his forehead against hers without breaking eye contact. "im sorry." she breathed, closing her eyes shuts. she felt his eyebrows knit in confusion before he spoke, "what for? for standing up for you? defending your honor? making sure he knows that if he ever speaks about you in that way again, he's gonna get hurt even worse? or better yet get a cease and assist?" he rambled and she sighed loudly, "exactly that." she hummed pulling away and looking down at the sink before putting the eyelash serum tube back into the drawer, with a loud clink.

he pulled her hands into his towards his chest, and she had no choice but to look at him. "exactly that livvy. the things he said-" he paused tasting a vile taste, "the thigs he said were out of line, un provoked and un called for. everybody on the ice heard it. and-" he paused as he saw anger and then embarrassment flash through her eyes. "it's not ok. you and everybody else knows that livvy, and he deserved to have his ass kicked. multiple times. he will never hear or feel the end of it from me." mat said caressing her chin softly, "and that doesn't make you want to break up with me?" she questioned without a second thought. mat was taken a back. "what?" he asked barely audible. she looked up from his chest to his eyes, "that doesn't want to make you break up with me? anybody with a brain would. it isn't worth the stress of having to play against somebody like that or have to be 'on' each and every time. i dont want to that for you, matt or bo. or anybody on the team. so please, just save yourself the hassle and break up with me." she finished in a whisper, not wanting to hear those words again.

mat shook his head, "just because he said those things doesn't change how i feel about you olivia monroe. it will never change how if feel. just because he met you before we had a conversation, does not change things. it'll never change things. just because you two hooked up before we ever did, doesn't change anything. it'll never change things. what happened in the past, is the past. he cannot change the past 8 months, i will not allow him to and - " he paused as she gazed up at him, "do you want me to break up with you?" he questioned in a brittle voice. she didn't want that, right?

olivia sniffled, with a soft shake of her head.

"no ofcourse not but-" he cut her off, "but what?" he questioned softly. she shook her head, "but nothing, forget about it." she said pulling her hands away from his and taking the glass of wine, and exited the washroom. she chugged a few sips before walking out of the room, and towards the small library that mat had added to his second guest room for her. she turned on the small space heater that doubled as a fake fire place, then curled up to the window seat that he had built into a bookshelf, he also had made her her. her phone sat next to her on the little side table, letting it go voicemail and let the texts go unread.

mat walked in, knowing he'd find her here. he walked over towards the girl, setting his glass down next to her's. he shifted her legs to they laid across his, as he sat across from her on the window nook. she would not meet his gaze, as he silently pleaded for her to. "i know you'll hate this question, but what did he say?" she questioned with bitterness and a mission. he sighed licking his lips, really not wanting to repeat the words. "mat, please tell so i know that if the way i'd want to get back to him is proper." she said with a slight cock of her eyebrow. he nodded and took a few seconds to collect himself, before speaking.

"first off, he called you a cunt. then he started to talk about the night you two hooked up, detailing the experience in great detail, greater detail than i ever though a guy would care to think of, then he called you a easy bang and a needy slut because of how quickly you 'folded'." he began, and finished with quotation marks. "he said that as soon as i broke up with you, that you would come crawling back to him or try to get with trevor, as you have apparently wanted to do for some time now." he finished and olivia could vomit, it made her sick to her stomach. mat noticed the way her nostrils flared in anger, embarrassment, and regret. "he really did a fucking number on me." she said in a breathy and quiet tone. "he's so fucking full of himself, it makes me nauseous." she added, meeting mat's eye. mat nodded in agreement, and took hold of her hand.

"that actually pisses me off so much...god i want to kill trevor. fucking trevor." she said in a cold voice, as her gaze turned dark. "trust me, already sent him a lengthy text." mat responded and olivia nodded. "im sorry you had to hear that, that was not ok." she said feeling horrible for mat. mat shook his head, "im still reeling that he had the guts to say that, and that you had to be at the forefront of it all." he said solemnly. she bit the inside of her cheek as her leg began to shake with anxiety.

"now whats the way you wanted to get back at him?" mat questioned with a glint of enthusiasm in his eye.

olivia grinned.

"i may or may not know his ex who wasn't thrilled with how he treated her at the end.." olivia said with humor. olivia leaned over to get her phone, and texted jacks ex gf as well as her go to photographer and designer, letting them know she had a small exclusive collection in the works.

she looked back up at mat after she set her phone down before leaning over to kiss him.

_

olivia stood in front of sienna as they stood on site, for this shoot in laguna beach california. when sienna heard about the collection and the reasoning behind it, sienna jumped at the opportunity. the collection was named, "x's." instead of literally saying, 'exes' and sienna even had two pieces named after her, a pearl necklace called "sienna" and gold pearl earrings called, "gold digger". olivia gushed over the final photos, and the two were smitten with them. she posted onto her personal account with, "on site" and tagged sienna in her candid picture.

olivia was petty and suttle, and mat absolutely adored that side of her for whatever reason - olivia did not know.

trevor instantly texter her as soon as the story went live, "OH SHIT RED".

hope you all enjoyed!

Tags: @toasttt11 @tshelbyfics

#mat barzal #mat barzal fic #mat barzal au #seein red au #sydney martine #matt martin #new york islanders #nhl #hockey #hockey fic #nhl fic #hockey au #nhlblurb #nhl au #nhl imagine #hockey blurb #hockey imagine #jack hughes

[equallyshaw]

[ sober thoughts ] n. hischier

paring: Nico Hischier x fem!reader

summary : Nico appears on his best friend’s doorstep after the Stadium Series win and confessions are made

warning(s) : slightly drunk nico, mentions of alcohol (but no actual alcohol consumption involved)

author’s note : pls ignore any typos bc i thought of this while drunk and wrote it while tipsy so i will go back and edit when i am 100% sober. it’s a v short and cute thing that i wanted to write (even tho i am working on like 7 different requests rn)

༺═──────────────═༻

The moment ‘nico 🏒🤍’ appears on her phone screen, she thinks something is wrong. She’s especially worried because it’s nearly two in the morning. Something could be seriously wrong.

The last time they talked, Nico was getting in an Uber to go to the bar after they won the Stadium Series game against the Flyers. That was a half hour after the end of the game and nearly three hours ago at this point.

A very exhausted and confused (Y/N) quickly answers the phone as soon as she processes what’s going on.

“Are you okay?” she asks, voice slurred with sleep. “Do I need to come get you from the bar?”

“I’m outside your apartment building,” he tells her. “Can I please come inside? It’s so cold outside and I just played a game in this weather. Please let me in.”

She rolls over and turns on her bedside lamp before she walks to the window. Outside on the sidewalk stands her best friend and captain of the New Jersey Devils. He smiles up at her and waves. “Oh my God,” she gasps as she puts on a pair of slippers. “Why are you just standing outside my building like that?”

“Because I missed you and wanted to see you,” he tells her as she grabs her keys and leaves her apartment. “It felt very wrong that I wasn’t celebrating with my best friend after one of the most amazing games and one of the most beautiful moments of my career. If I woke you up, I’m sorry.”

Without tripping down any stairs, she says, “It’s okay. I was just worried you were passed out on the side of the road in East Rutherford.” She pushes the main entrance door open. “Yet here you are on my doorstep.”

Nico smiles and stumbles up the steps after he hangs up the phone when he sees her. He trips on the last step. She catches him and he catches himself on the doorway. She can smell the alcohol on his breath because of how close they are to each other, yet her heart races in her chest since they’re so close to each other.

“Are you drunk?” she asks as she backs away from him with a look on her face. “How did you get here? Don’t tell me you drove because I might kill you and your team is going to be left without a captain.”

“I’ve had a few drinks,” he admits to her. “I took an Uber because I did have a few drinks. I didn’t drive here. Don’t worry. I still have brain cells.”

Nico walks into the building in a hoodie and jeans instead of the tracksuit he showed up to MetLife in. She’s happy he is in actual clothes because if he showed up in that tracksuit, she might lose it.

“Why did you come here instead of going home?” she questions as they make their way up to her apartment. “I thought that maybe after the game you’d celebrate with your teammates then go home to sleep.”

They walk into the apartment as soon as she unlocks the door. “I told you that I wanted to come celebrate with my best friend,” he replies. She closes the door behind her. “Especially since I couldn’t get you into the stadium to watch the game. I wanted you to be a part of this day.”

She pouts and sits on the couch as Nico turns on one of the lamps. “Your family flew in for the game,” she says to him. “I shouldn’t take priority over them. I get to see you play all the time. They don’t.”

He sits next to her. Not too close but close enough where she can feel the heat coming off his body. If he were to move his knee, it would bump into hers.

“You’re my family too,” Nico softly says. “I wanted you to be there.”

“I’m your friend, Nico,” she sighs. “I’m not your girlfriend or your wife. I didn’t need to be there.”

It feels like she is trying to convince herself too because sometimes the line blurs. Sometimes she doesn’t know what she is to him. She has to remind herself that they aren’t together, and probably will never be together.

A moment of silence falls over them. She looks at her hands on her lap while she plays with her thumbs. Nico’s big brown eyes never leave her while she avoids looking at him.

Nico sighs and practically whispers, “I wished you were there as my girlfriend.”

Her head snaps up and she blinks at him. “You what?”

“I wished you were at the game as my girlfriend,” Nico repeats. “The entire time I wished that you were at the family skate and sitting in the suite with everyone else’s families. I wished you had one of those cute jackets that the wives and girlfriends had with my number on it.”

She stares at him until he’s done talking. Then she starts to shake her head. “You’re just saying that because you have been drinking,” she replies. “You don’t actually mean that.”

Never once has Nico shown that he wanted to be in any kind of romantic relationship with her. He’s never given her any kind of hint or sign that he wanted to be more than just friends with her.

They’ve known each other since Nico moved to the US in 2017 to play in the NHL and never once did it seem like he wanted something more.

There is no way he means that.

“Drunk words are sober thoughts,” he says.

“Then tell me when you’re sober,” she retorts. “Tell me in the morning if you actually mean it.”

Nico frowns and brushes a loose piece of hair behind her ear. “Schätzli, you have no idea how long I have wanted to tell you that,” he tells her. “I guess I’ll just have to wait until I wake up before I tell you again.”

Almost as if on cue, he yawns. “Go to sleep, Nico,” she says to him. “Tell me whatever you want in the morning. You know where the guest room is but do you need my help in getting there?”

He shakes his head and sinks down against the back of the couch. “I’ll get there eventually,” he replies. “You can go back to sleep.”

With a nod, she stands up. Nico’s eyes are half open so she takes off his shoes and pulls his legs up onto the cushions. She grabs a blanket to throw over him as he lets out soft snores. The alcohol has finally caught up to him and knocked him out.

“You have no idea how long I have wanted to hear you say that you wanted me to be your girlfriend,” she whispers to a sleeping Nico. “All it took you was having a few drinks and winning a big game before you told me how you felt.”

She presses a soft kiss to his temple before she retreats down the hallway to her bedroom just in case he wasn’t actually asleep.

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*

The smell of coffee is the thing that wakes her up in the morning. Not the sunlight or an alarm. Coffee. It takes a second before she remembers that Nico stayed over.

She remembers Nico telling her that he wishes she was at the Stadium Series game as his girlfriend. She has no idea if he remembers that he said that to her.

It’s time to find out.

Slowly, she makes her way out to the kitchen. She finds Nico standing at the coffee machine with his back to the hallway. She yawns and walks into the kitchen area.

“Morning,” she softly says so she doesn’t scare him. He turns his head and looks at her. “You making coffee?”

Nico nods and pours them both a cup. He puts cream in her cup and hands it to her. “I figured we could both use a cup,” he tells her. “Me to get rid of this hangover and you because I woke you up at two in the morning.”

She blows on her coffee before taking a sip. “How much of last night do you remember?” she curiously asks as she leans against the counter beside him.

The moment of silence that follows worries her. He probably doesn’t remember what he said, and she isnt going to remind him if he doesn’t remember.

He takes a sip of his own coffee before he asks, “Are you asking me if I remember telling you that I wish you were my girlfriend? Yes, if that’s the case. I told you that I meant it.”

“And you’re sober?”

“Very,” Nico replies. “And very hungover.”

It surprises her to the point where she almost drops her cup of coffee. Her eyes widen and Nico smiles. “Nico, I could kill you and kiss you at the same time because why did it take you playing in one of the biggest games in your career before you-”

Nico takes the cup of coffee out of her hand while she’s talking then cuts her off by bringing his lips to hers. She gasps in surprise then melts against him as he presses her against the counter. She wraps her arms around his neck and puts her fingers in his hair so he can’t break the kiss.

Never in her life did she think that she would be in her kitchen kissing her best friend of nearly seven years. The thought only occurred in dreams and occasionally during games when she found him attractive, which is really all the time.

This is something she has wanted for two years. Since the moment she realized that she was in love with Nico.

He lifts her up and sits her down on the counter. He stands between her knees and rests his hands on her thighs.

It becomes too much for her and she has to pull back for a second to breathe. Her eyes meet his and finds worry in them. “I just- I don’t think you understand how long I have waited for this,” she breathes out. “Wanted this. Wanted you. I just need a second.”

Nico smiles and pushes her hair behind her ears before he cups her jaw. “I’m such an idiot for waiting so long before I told you,” he replies. “I think I’ve loved you since the moment I met you, Schätzli.” His voice drops to nearly a whisper and his thumbs brush her cheekbones.

“We’re both idiots,” she tells him. “I’m glad you meant it though. I thought you were going to get my hopes up.”

He shakes his head and kisses her nose. “I would never lie to you about loving you.”

“Well I love you too,” she says. “Just so you know.”

Nico laughs and envelopes her in a hug. She smiles and happily accepts the hug.

“I told you that drunk words are sober thoughts.”

“I believe you now.”

༺═──────────────═༻

MASTERLIST

have a request ? check out the guidelines !

wanna be added to the taglist ? fill out this form !

taglist : @dasiysthings @ithinkimokeei @equallyshaw @dancerbailey3 @love4lando @stony1386 @mangoluver @prettyinsatiable

#this is so cute #gonna go cry #brb #nico is to die for #nico hischier #!!!! #fic recs

[equallyshaw]

Do you happen to have any blog recommendations?

YESS!! i have way to many recommendations!

@faithshouseofchaos one of the first blogs i ever read on here! amazing f1 and hockey stories, does a lot of supernatural in her stories!!

@bedsyandco her au’s are so goooooood and she has amazing ideas i swear she always is coming up with something new!

@sunflower-lilac42 love love love love all of her stories and au’s! definitely one of my favorites to reads!!

@luke-hughes43 one of my favorite blogs ever!! i adore her stella and luke au! and bella and ethan au! jsut read everything she has posted!

@sc0tters amazingggg au’s and stores, i swear she gets me so attached to her characters! literally love everything on this page!

@sweetestdesire the sweetest writer ever!! either writing the sweetest or really smutty stories, definitely recommend!

@chelawrites one of my favorites as well! i love her formula one stories!

@hischier-papaya i adore her blog, she’s an absolutely amazing writer and has such an incredible brain i swear she is always coming up with new ideas!

@hockybish one of my favorite writers for au’s! i absolutely adore her au’s and i love all of the characters so much!

@prettyboywoll Ahh one of my favorite writers! makes amazing au’s and if you ever wondered what it’s like to have a certain hockey player be your boyfriend she’s written many for many players!!

@burreaux-drys i loveeee her works but her au’s with ethan and rutger and one with trevor and jamie, they are so good!

@wintfleur i adore her au for stella hughes!! stella is written so well and she’s so sweet! writes for hockey and formula one!

@generalllimaginesss love everything she has written!! has so many au’s/series that are so well written!

@uglyducklingofthe2000s one of my absolute favorite formula one writers! writes for so many of the drivers!

@whatsaninterestingplacethisis definitely an amazing writer and i alway enjoy reading the stories!!!

@equallyshaw such an amazing writer, always writing the softest or the sadest stuff i swear!! really great au’s!

@quintinh43 i’ve adored reading eveything she’s posted and is an amazing writer!

@diorsluv her series i swear is such a funny and enjoyable read, i die laughing everytime i read her work!

@corrodedcoffins-blog one of my favorites again!!! but really an amazing blog and has some very fun au’s that i recommend!

@chewingcyanide some of my favorites stories are on this blog! i definitely suggest her jack series, it’s amazing and a roller coaster of an emotions

@angelicsoka love love love everything on this blog! such amazing work that i’ve read on the blog!!!!

@babydollmarauders one of my favorite writers to read! absolutely amazing stories and au’s, also a major plus she is a major john and jack stan :)

@thatintrovertedwriter i swear luke hughes number one fan, so if you want anything luke please go to her :) but like all of her stories and au’s are incredible so read them all!

@starry-hughes one of my favorite blogs! really has a incredible writing styles and i always enjoying reading anything from her!

@slafkovskys really writes incredible pieces! my favorite is always the angel x hughes bros so like definitely read that and all of her other au’s and works!

@sunkissed-zegras i adore reading anything from the blog, just adore everything i’ve read from her!

@fiapartridge i love everything on this blog too! but her au’s are amazing and she has a macklin au!!!!!

@thewintersoldierdisaster i love that she writes for some hockey players that aren’t always on this app a lot!!

@goldielia i adore her will au!! like you need to read it immediately!

@luke-hughes43 love everything from her! i love her au’s and ami am obsessed with nico and blake

@theemporium i LOVE this blog so much! formula one and hockey content, has written some of my favorites!

@drewsbuzzcut writes some amazing works especially her series!! i love dallas and nick!

@mclarengremlin definitely check out his golden son series! it’s amazing and i’ve definitely reread it so many times!

@lennysfridge you want a hockey au go to her page! i swear i’ve binged read all of her au’s many times!

@valluvsu i loved her top gun stories!! and i just love her whole blog!

is this enough recommendations? let me know love!

#omfg #I’m gonna cry #brb #mutuals #!!!!

[equallyshaw]

𝓼𝓮𝓮𝓲𝓷 𝓻𝓮𝓭 | 𝓶𝓪𝓽 𝓫𝓪𝓻𝔃𝓪𝓵 𝓪𝓾 ↠ what happens in the hamptons...stays in the Hamptons. - blurb. ↠ au masterlist. ↠ takes place in june 2023.

warnings: swearing. some sexual content. no mat sighting! word count: 1.1k

for the past week now, jack and olivia had had secret moments throughout their hamptons stay with jamie, trevor and alex turcotte. jack was respectfully obsessed with the red head, and so was she. trevor could even tell that there was something there, but when pressed about it; she scoffed and brushed it off. olivia would watch from the other end of the room or from the other end of the pool, subtly - while she paroozed on her phone or read the oppenheimer biography. jack had been doing the same, behind the backs of his best friends and jamie. he knew it probably was not the greatest thing, because he'd not only have trevor to answer to but jamie as well. but he also loved the idea of it, and potentially toying with her. no strings attached, nothing. he'd get off scotch-free. alright jack.

_

the five of them had just gotten to a fourth of july party at a house in the Hamptons, near where they had been staying. the house was set back a nice ways away from the ocean, with windows that never seemed to end. olivia took a glass of champagne from jamie, with a small smile before going off and touring herself. the house was filled, while in the backyard it was as if it was never-ending. she was in the library, looking at all the classic and newer books the owners/hostess' possessed and found her smiling at the great gastby. she took it out of the bookshelf and physically gasped. it was one of the first editions, and was signed by the author himself. she put it back as she found it before trailing her finger across the wooden shelf.

not a speck of dust to be felt or seen.

"had a feeling i'd find you in here." she heard from the door that was ajar. she turned back towards the voice and saw the unmistakable dirty blonde boy. she turned back towards the bookshelf while hearing the door shut, "and why's that?" she teased kneeling down and looking down at the modern texts they had. "the amount of books you brought for this week getaway and secondly." he paused walking up next to her as she stood back up, "you think i don't hear you at 2 am from the other room?" he teased now, and she felt herself swallow tensely. "oh." she said softly, before leaning her head back to sip some of the cool drink. "am i that loud?" she questioned sarcastically, and jack chuckled. "just a bit, red." he grinned now looking at her, distinctly. she nodded, connecting the pair's eye's. she saw the glint of playfulness in his, causing the pale red head to blush. "i'd just like to know...the content of it all." he said an octave lower than before, as he stepped a bit further towards her casing the hair on her arms raise; in a good way. she sent a small smirk his way, "wouldn't you like to know cheeky boy." she hummed sipping more of her drink. he leaned against the wooden staircase, his arm resting on the ledge. "ofcourse red, especially when i heard you whimper two nights ago.." he trailed off, leaning closer to her ear. he'd gotten her there, she was gone for.

he pressed a soft kiss right beneath her ear, which caused a shiver to run down her spine.

he looked back towards her with a grin, before bending down without breaking eye contact. his hands slowly raised up her green pastel silk dress that sat right against her ankles, which hung and eclipsed her curves to no end. she breathed in heavily as she felt his hands touched right behind her pale and freckled knees. he paused waiting for her to motion for him to keep going, she nodded and he was quick to chuckle. he scrunched the silk dress up to her hips, and chuckled when he saw the barely there thong she dawned. "oh hush now, no lines." she chastised him, and he shook his head before getting rid of them.

it was one last glint of playfulness before she was a goner.

_

olivia felt herself tear up, as she leaned her head against her sister's car window. she had left the overpriced and inhumanely big, that morning without letting anybody know besides her sister. she'd call her sister around 1 am that morning after she'd left the hamptons party the group went to, and after jack and her had slept together. and after he had thanked her for a quickie, and that he'd love to do it again before they left. she had quickly left the party after calling an uber and quickly got her things ready before heading towards a small hamptons inn downtown.

her phone blew up around 5 as she was getting up for the day, jamie and trevor were heavily concerned when they came back and she wasn't there. she'd also turned off her location when she'd left the party too. her sister had called her awake, letting her sister know that she was there and olivia jumped out of bed. once sydney saw the redhead, she wrapped her arms around her sister. sydney didn't know why olivia needed her, but her calling her 10 times and sending multiple texts with "please" and "can you please get me from the hamptoms" "i need you" etc etc. sydney didn't need to be told once more, nor did matt. sydney grabbed olivia's small carry on suitcase, while olivia hopped in the front with her small weekender bag. "coffee?" sydney asked and all olivia did was nod, she'd need some caffeine and a butter croissant to get through this drive.

"he did what?!" sydney asked before catching herself, and her volume. the two were sitting outside a coffee shop that was the only thing open on the downtown strip. "sorry, but fuck him. he's disgusting." sydney said swirling her iced americano. olivia nodded sadly, before sipping some of her vanilla latte. "i also don't want to be called red anymore." she announced, and sydney was about to ask why but she understood. jack had ruined the sentimental name she'd had since she was a young girl. "let's get going, traffic should still be good." sydney announced, and olivia stood up to follow her back to the car. "just..just please don't say anything to matt please." olivia begged. "at least not who it was or what he does." olivia clarified and sydney nodded. "ofcourse." she said taking ahold of olivia's hand between them, driving off. "lets get you home." sydney hummed and olivia grinned.

a few days in long island...before jetting back off to los angeles.

hope you all enjoyed !!!

@toasttt11 @cillianthinker

#follow up to this…. #coming asap #mat barzal #mat barzal au #seein red au

[equallyshaw]

no longer home, to me. | nico hischier ↳ warnings: sad, swearing and talks of cheating. ↳ word count: 1.8k

nico was not sure where it all went wrong. he was not sure when the isolating, the constant back and forth, and less-than-thrilled conversations began. but for the past two months, it had been eating away at him - too afraid or nervous to say anything that could possibly break the two forever. but then it all became too much, the night of the 19th, of march. he didn't recognize the woman he had once loved - yet - still loved deeply - at the same time. he did not see the future he - no they had once envisioned, on what seemed to be the 100th date, but in actuality, it was only the 4th. 4 years later, nico no longer felt at home with the woman he had once felt. he was no longer considered her home, and truthfully- neither was she.

_

nico walked through the door of his and her's apartment in jersey after a team meeting and practice. he saw his fiance of a year, in the kitchen mixing some salad together looking less enthused as she nursed the wine bottle next to her. his eyebrows crinkled a bit as he set down his keys near the door, watching as she didn't look up to greet or to aknowledge that he had arrived home. which was very uncharacteristic of her, he thought. "hi Schatzi." he said walking in the kitchen and placing a kiss on her naturally tanned cheek, before moving to the fridge to grab water and a gatorade. "hi." she mumbled back, not looking up from the mixing bowl. he looked around at the dinner that was on the table, seeing the table done up all nicely for them.

had he missed an anniversary? a special date? why were their nice napkins and utensils out? fancy wine glasses?

"did i miss something schatzi?" he questioned looking over to her as he opened his drinks, and all she did was shake her head. he nodded softly before making his way over to the dining room table. he noticed that it was filled with his family's traditional dishes, and as he turned to ask her a question - she was walking over with the wine bottle in one hand and the salad bowl in the other. nico pulled out her chair at the head of the table, and she sat down quickly. he moved next to her and sat down, quickly digging into the food. though she didn't move an inch, as she slowly sipped on the red win. "sweetie?" he asked softly, placing his right hand on her left. she pulled it away, and chugged some more of the liquid.

"birgit what is going on? what happened? did i do something?" he demanded, now slightly annoyed. she slowly turned her face towards him, and stared at him for a few seconds. he looked into the the love of his life eyes, her eyes were red and puffy. her cinnamon skin puffy, and looking paler than usual. she looked absolutely lifeless for whatever reason, one that nico couldn't pinpoint. nothing had happened at work recently, the team was doing better, she had just gotten back from california a few days prior for a little girls getaway with some work friends. what had changed recently? though let's be real, things had changed a long while ago.

"birgit are you ill? did something happen at work?" he questioned softer, placing a firmer hand on hers. she let it be but scoffed, throwing her head back for some more of the wine. "please talk to me, my love." he begged and she shook her head. "did i do something?" he questioned and she shook her head. "then tell me! stop with this silent treatment, i cant take it!" he said standing up now, the seat scratching the floor. she looked up at nico, with widened eyes. he was never one to get heated or irritated quickly.

birgit would still not speak or make a peep, as she turned her gaze - slowly - back towards the table. she felt her eyes begin to water, her lip begin to tremble and her breathing begin to rise. he pulled her chair out a bit, kneeling in front of her before pulling her into his arms. she sobbed into his chest, feeling herself slowly but surely pull away physically - and emotionally. he wiped her tears as she sniffled, with her not bothering to look at him. "birgit...schatzi." he said softly pulling her chin up to face him, his fingers softly raising it. she finally looked into his eyes, her dark chocolate mirroring his own. "what's wrong? please tell me, tell me so i know what i can do to fix it." he said softly, and she shook her head with a sniffle. "this...this you cant fix neeks." she said feeling herself on the verge of crying again, as she let out a small trapped sob. "what do you mean?" he questioned with eyebrows furrowed.

she licked her lips before speaking again, "this." she paused motioning between them, "cannot be fixed nico." she said defeatedly. he was still confused, with a deep feeling of anxiety beginning to creep up his spine. "us?" he questioned as his voice gave out. without a response from her, he stood up and retracted his hands from her chin. he bit the inside of his cheek, walking towards the other end of the room in disbelief.

"did you cheat?" he asked abruptly, turning around to face her. her head shot up, finding his stare instantly. she looked at him in disbelief now, "why would you ask that knowing the answer?" she questioned, with a small grimace on her face. he shook his head, "i don't know what to think anymore, birgit!" he voiced and she sighed.

she pinched her nose, "there have been things that have made this happen, nico. there have been things out of both of our control that have brought us here, don't act like you didn't know or maybe you were naive and don't understand." birgit voiced now and he shook his head. "did you cheat?" he questioned again, doubling down. her mouth was agape and scoffed, "fuck you nico. you again- know that answer!" she screamed. "i don't know if i believe you!" he said placing his hands on his hips. "that's your problem, not mine. you know that i've been faithful this whole time, and have never once stepped out, don't kid yourself now." she said standing up and staring down at the table full of food. she sighed, clasping her eyes shut.

"i have-i've tried nico. ive tried so very hard to fit into your life." she paused turning around, "i have tried relentlessly to conform to this life that's foreign to me. still." she paused again biting the inside of her cheek. "i've lost myself throughout all of it, i've killed pieces of me to keep you happy- us together- us happy and to- to make it seem like we were just oh so happy in love. a fucking fairytale!" she confessed. he shook his head, "why did you not say anything? why did you keep it bottled up?!" he demanded and she shrugged, "why would i want to make you lose your focus? why would i want to distract you from what matters the most?" she questioned as if it was not obvious.

he now scoffed, "don't you get it? birgit...you are the most important thing in my life, above hockey, above everybody else. you- you and you, alone are it. i would give up hockey for you, don't you realize that? if you had said something-" she cut him off, "if i'd what? said something? what difference would it have made? we would have still at some point made it to this situation, this moment- this dissolution. dont kid yourself nico, it isn't a good look - even for you." she said distastefully. "how can you stand here and be ok with this? why aren't you upset? why are you so cool-headed about this?" he demanded and she chuckled.

"ive come to terms with this long ago, i've made peace with this for some time. i knew it was coming but wasn't sure when. ive come to terms with this, and have prepared myself. i've shed too, way too many tears over this. trust me nico, i tried! i tried to sew it back together, i tried my darn best to mold and fit into the old me but i can't do it anymore. i need out, i need space, i need - need to move on and get away from this, and- and you. i-i-" she paused carefully deciding on her next words, "the real reason i went to california was for a job interview." she confessed and his eyebrows creased. "what?" he asked softly, almost a whisper. "you arent coming home?" he questioned, referencing swizterland, where the two had grown up together and fallen in love.

she shook her head.

"you gave me the absolute gift of a lifetime, inviting me out here and letting me move in with you. but-but, my life is based here now. i have my small-knit group of friends both here in new york and out there in california, im gonna be ok. this will all be ok." she said trying to reassure him but he would not buy it. "it isn't though. im gonna be alone and without you, my best friend in the entire world for what seems like a lifetime." he said sitting down on the living room couch in disbelief. she made her way over to the couch, and sat down next to him wrapping an arm around his shoulders.

"but you aren't going to be alone, at least not forever. maybe a little while, and that's ok. but you'll find your eurydice well, at least minus the underworld and dying part." she said with a small giggle, and he looked down at her. "you were my eurdyice, minus the snake." he said and she met his eye.

they still held so much love and light for her.

"but youre not my orpheus nico." she said softly placing her head on his shoulder. his own falling to meet hers.

"youre no longer considered my home nico, which is death in itself." she whispered, breaking nico's heart as he turned inward to kiss her temple; with tears pouring out.

because she wasn't his anymore too.

_

the next time the two saw one another, was when she opted to take a two weeks trip home to swizterland during the off-season. her parents and nico's still in the same childhood homes, down the street from one another. and seeing him on the lake, having a good time with his friend group from childhood, she couldn't help but smile at how happy he seemed. and vice versa. word travels fast in their small town, and the return of birgit was widespread, and so was her every blossoming smile.

hope you enjoyed! sorry for this being sad ):

some random tags: @cuttergauthier @toasttt11 @nicohischierz @nicohischier @hockeyboysarehot @jayda12 @devilinpradaheels @fallinallincurls @sc0tters

#reblogging #incase you didnt see this #(: #Nico hischier

[equallyshaw]

excuse my absence, currently engrossed in the fourth wing series and cannot put iron flame down. i have read each in two days so im busy doing that. next week i am on spring break so i will for sure have more time to write!!

#anna's thoughts