free-themind

[free-themind]

[free-themind]

i’m all alone and i’m afraid you aren’t coming back. idk if it’s for the better or worse yet. we will find out soon enough.

[free-themind]

i don't know what to say. i hate my life. i have so much anxiety and depression as of now. i'm hopeless of the future and of myself now. i wish things felt easier. but they never do. i hate my job so much. i'm surrounded by people who don't believe in me. people that get mad that i don't know how to do simple things. i have anxiety attacks constantly now. my social anxiety has gotten worse. my friends have gotten even more distant.

i am trying another therapist and trying to be constant with this new one. i don't know if it will help. i think i'm a lost case. i feel like my friends are lying to me when they say i'm doing better cause in my eyes i see no improvement. just more fuel to my never ending fire. i just want to break out of this body. i feel like a prisoner locked in this body.

im tired. in every way.

#depressing shit #diary entry #actually mentally ill #mentally fucked #Spotify

[free-themind]

So, It has been a little more than a year since that last post. I’m still single and doing great. LOL i’m lonely. I want someone new in my life but time will tell right?  I’m realizing that my bipolar is something I need to focus on and handle because it is affecting my life a little bit too much and I need help. I’m constantly having highs and lows. And I just feel myself having a low soon. And I’m just not looking forward to it I guess. Idk. My friends are distant. I miss them. And I don’t wanna bother them so I’m just stepping back I guess. I am isolating myself to not bother anyone. I’m closing up. I hate this feeling of knowing that i’m gunna shutdown soon. I hate it man. 

[free-themind]

Damn it’s been a minute. … so we had another girlfriend and we broke up w her after two years w them cause she was a crazy manipulative bitch. a leo. ew. and then we were with boy. I think this one hurt more than the others. We were together for nearly two years. This one really broke me and it’s been a year since the break up and i’m still picking myself up again. it is not easy. this year has made me realize that i need a lot of self improvement. and after eight years of nonstop relationships i need to be alone. to be in a relationship with myself. cause i have just been emotionally terrible. and it’s only getting worse so i need me more than ever.

[free-themind]

why is she doing this? to make me feel like shit. i don’t care about any of this. just say you are mad at me. fucking say it. but fuck i love her so much. god this girl is the love of my life. even if she pisses me off sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo much. fuck you. 

[free-themind]

you continue to break me. when I get the guts to tell you my feeling you just say your done with apologizing. your done with me. and I break down. I miss you so much. as much as I know you don't deserve me I can't help to want you again. your all I ever want in life. your my first love. your the only person who understood me. and now you have a new girl that you say you love. I wish that were me. but I guess you moved on. and I was left alone, and now I'm more alone than I have ever felt. I need help and soon.

[free-themind]

I’d do anything to be enough for you

(via bl-ossomed)

[free-themind]

I thought you were the one.

I thought you were the one. The one who I would see in 60 years and still say is mine. The one I would have children with. The one I would have loving sex with. The one who would hold me when I felt no one cared. The one I told everything to. Even the things that I’m ashamed of. And you accepted me. The one person. You helped me get through so much. And when we kissed it felt like you were always gunna be there. You were my best friend too. I loved you and you threw it away for some girls that after a few months I know wouldn’t give a shit about you. And who still would? That’s me. My dumbass always comes back to you. Cause I love you and I would do anything to have you back. And to have that trust I had for you before. Because of you I am the person I am today. I miss you with everything. But I know I shouldn’t go back to you because I gave you plenty of chances for me to trust you again. But all you did was use me for sex and have attention. And I don't want to deal with this again. I'm sorry babe, you fucked up too many times. I wish it were different.

[free-themind]

The most painful thing is losing yourself in the process of loving someone too much, and forgetting that you are special too.

Ernest Hemingway, Men Without Women (via thegoodvybe)

[free-themind]

[free-themind]

Fresh start.

I'm leaving behind something/someone that I thought I knew. I'm leaving behind the reality that i got used to knowing. But that reality wasn't real. It was just a way of me escaping it. My reality is just now coming back to me. And this time my reality is gunna focus on me. I need to love myself again to be able to move on. I have to learn that I don't need people to be happy. I just need to be happy on my own. I need to find out who I am again. And this time around I won't let anyone stop me. And sadly, not even the person i once grew to love, ( and still love) won't be able to change my mind.