ghostly-wisp

[ghostly-wisp]

NARCOS | 2.02 | Cambalache “Get ready to get your balls snipped.”

[ghostly-wisp]

[ghostly-wisp]

i'll be home for christmas | part two

Pairing: Joel Miller x f!reader

Summary: Having just caught your fiancé cheating on you, you decide to come back home from the big city to Austin for the month of December to try to figure out your next step. You had no idea you would be getting more than you bargained for with the handsome single dad who built your parents' house.

Chapter Warnings: no outbreak, modern day but Joel is 40, language, fluff, very soft!joel, flirting, kissing, hallmark movie tropes up the wazoo, mentions of infidelity, mentions of divorce, reader's sister is pregnant, hurt/comfort, explicit smut (18+MDNI), (somewhat) unproteced piv sex, angst (but you know there will be a happy ending, this is Hallmark, after all)

WC: 12K

A/N: I am so overwhelmed at the response I received for part one. No contest, it's my most successful story to date, and I can't thank you all enough ❤️ I really hope you enjoy this part just as much. Please read the warnings, this has some (very sweet and soft) smut at the end, so if it isn't your thing, feel free to skip it.

Part One | Part Three

Joel sat in his truck, the engine long cooled down by now, as he stared blankly at his garage door, waiting for the stupid grin to leave his face before he went inside to face his brother. But he had been sitting there for almost twenty minutes, and he was still smiling behind the back of his hand.

That date with you was perfect. Well, he could have done without getting knocked on his ass by some kid, but it worked out for him in the end, so he didn't mind.

Goddamn, did you make him feel good. There was no way he would be able to sleep that night, he was sure of it. Not after the way you looked at him, touched him, kissed him. A big part of him wondered for a long time if he would spend the rest of his life alone, believing that lightning doesn't strike twice, that he would never find anyone who would look at him and want him the way you did.

He ignored the nagging voice in the back of his head that reminded him you didn't live there, that you would be going back to New York in a couple short weeks. He couldn't let that bring him down just yet, that was a problem for another day. Right now, his only problem was resisting the urge to drive back to your house and scoop you up in his arms so he could make you feel as good as he felt.

It was close to midnight, so he caved and went inside, hoping his brother would be too groggy to interrogate him. When he walked in and saw Tommy and Sarah lounging on the couch, wide awake and watching some action flick, his face fell.

"Hey, it is way past your bedtime, the hell are you doin'?" Joel scolded, sliding off his boots.

"Dad, c'mon, it's the weekend," Sarah whined.

"Don't care, you know the rules," he told her, trying to sound firm, but he had such a soft spot for her that he never succeeded in sounding threatening.

"But it's a special occasion, I wanted to hear how your date went," she grinned, sitting up and wiggling her eyebrows. Joel's jaw dropped and shot a glare at his brother while stretching his arms out at his side in disbelief.

"Oh, come on, she practically dragged it outta me," Tommy smirked.

"Unbelievable," Joel muttered, collapsing on the end of the couch and rubbing his eyes.

"So?" Sarah pushed, tucking her legs underneath her excitedly.

"I ain't talkin' about this with you," he said, biting his cheek as he stared at the TV.

"Why not?" she pouted, but Joel just shook his head.

"Go brush your teeth," he said.

"Fine," she replied, rolling her eyes as she made her way to the stairs. "But I'll get it out of you one day."

She stomped upstairs and it wasn't until Joel heard the water running that he turned to his brother.

"What the hell, Tommy? You know I didn't want her knowin' about that," he said, exasperated.

"Oh, relax," Tommy said, stretching his arms above his head. "She's sixteen, Joel. She's smart. She figured it out herself, I just confirmed it after gettin' the third degree."

Joel sighed and tipped his head back onto the sofa, closing his eyes.

"Christ," he muttered.

"What's the big deal?"

Joel sat up and opened his eyes.

"Big deal is, she lives in New York. There's no future there, we were just hangin' out, and I don't need Sarah gettin' her hopes up," Joel explained, trying to downplay his feelings, but his chest squeezed at the thought of you leaving one day.

"Ever hear of long distance?" Tommy asked, raising an eyebrow.

"That never works," Joel replied, shaking his head.

"Well, maybe you should make it work," he said, sitting up and muting the TV. "You know, Sarah just wants you to be happy, Joel. We both do," Tommy said somberly. "Told me tonight she's worried about you bein' all alone when she goes off to college."

"I'll be alright," he said gruffly, although the same thought was plaguing his mind recently, as well.

Tommy stared at his brother a moment as Joel watched the TV, pretending to follow the story even though there was no audio. He decided to drop it for now and changed the subject.

"So, you gonna tell me how it went or what?"

Joel bit his lower lip, trying to keep himself from smiling, but he failed. Tommy noticed right away and grinned, leaning forward to tap his knee.

"I know that look," he said, still grinning.

"Yeah, alright," Joel finally said with a smile. "It was great. Really fuckin' great."

"Hell yeah!" Tommy yelled, and Joel immediately shushed him, pointing upstairs.

"She's funny and she's sweet, we had a real nice time," Joel said, his grin permanently etched on his face now.

"I figured it went well since you got home so late," Tommy replied with a wink.

"I ain't gonna sleep with her on the first date," he whispered, just in case Sarah was listening. He settled back into the couch as Tommy turned the TV volume back on, letting the movie play for a minute before adding, "She's a good kisser, though."

"Oh, I can't wait to meet this girl," Tommy chuckled with a shake of his head. "Haven't seen you smile this much in years."

"Yeah, well," Joel replied noncommittally, still smiling like an idiot and staring at the TV. He decided to stay downstairs that night, finishing the movie and then starting another one on the couch long after Tommy left, unable to quiet down his mind long enough to fall asleep until nearly three in the morning.

You woke up the next day, stretching your arms above your head with a big yawn, not ready to get out of bed yet but the voices downstairs told you it must have been late. With a groan, you reached over and snatched your phone off the charger. When you saw you had a text waiting for you, your heart skipped a beat until you read Sydney's name and not Joel's. Your eyes flicked to the top of the screen, noting it was close to ten in the morning, before sliding open the text.

Sydney: sorry forgot to reply yesterday. I saw will at black & blue, he was hammered and falling all over the place

You scowled, not interested in whatever your ex was up to, so you replied with just the thumbs up emoji and set your phone back down.

Staring at the ceiling, you dreamily thought about your date with Joel. God, he really took you by surprise. You were proud of yourself for taking that first big step forward and putting yourself out there again, but you had no idea it would feel like this. You weren't even sure you ever felt like this with Will. Even when things were good, Will never treated you the way Joel did last night. He was so earnest and respectful, opening doors for you and actually listening to you talk about work. And he didn't even try to feel you up, either, although you probably wouldn't have minded. Maybe it was those Southern manners you were missing this whole time.

With a groan, you dropped your phone back on the nightstand and swung your legs over the edge of your bed, wrapping yourself in your robe, still not expecting it to be so cold in Texas. Even though it was December, it was unusual.

You made your way into the kitchen and made a beeline for the coffee, tossing a wave in the direction of your parents sitting with your sister and brother in law in the living room.

"She lives!" Cassie exclaimed with a smug look on her face. You held your mug up to your lips and blew on the liquid, frowning when the whole family was looking at you with matching, goofy smirks.

"Why are you all looking at me like that?"

"Like what?" your mom asked innocently. You squinted at her as you sat down, not buying it.

"How was your date?" your sister asked. You took a sip of coffee before replying.

"Good," you said simply, nodding your head. Your mom and dad exchanged a look and you frowned again, getting annoyed.

"What?" you asked loudly.

"Nothing!" your dad said, looking back down at his newspaper. Who even still gets the newspaper delivered anymore, anyway?

"Josh, what's going on?" you asked your sister's husband, knowing he was the weakest link. He glanced nervously between you and Cassie.

"They saw you and Joel on the Ring camera," he blurted out, and your family all groaned in unison. Your face flushed beet red, gawking at them all in disbelief.

"Are you kidding me?" you screeched.

"We didn't mean to, Bucky. Dad was reviewing the footage because he couldn't find the newspaper this morning and, well..." your mom trailed off, trying to hide her smile.

"Oh my god," you whined, tucking your legs to your chest and hiding your face.

"Looked like the date was a little more than good," Cassie teased, and you smacked her on the leg.

"I can't believe this," you mumbled to yourself, hiding your face behind your coffee mug and praying someone would change the subject. "How much did you see?"

"Just from when he pulled in the driveway til when you went inside," your mom said with a shrug.

"That's, like, everything, Mom! Oh my god!" Your face was hot with embarrassment now.

"He looks like a good kisser, is he a good kisser?" Cassie asked.

"Shut up!" you whined, covering your face with your free hand.

"There's nothin' to be embarrassed about, he was a gentleman. Held the door open for you and everythin'," your dad murmured, and you groaned.

"Can we talk about literally anything else, please?" you begged.

"Of course!" your mom said, her eyes flicking around the room, waiting for someone to say something, but nobody spoke.

"I'm sorry, Buck, but you gotta see the the smile on his face after you went inside, it was so cute," Cassie said, pulling out her phone.

"I'm going upstairs!" you announced, jumping up from the couch.

"Wait! Are you still coming by later to help paint the nursery?"

"I don't know, are there any cameras there?" you shouted over your shoulder as your climbed the stairs with your coffee to hide in the sanctity of the guest bedroom.

"Well, no. Only because I haven't set the baby monitor up yet," Cassie called back and giggled when she heard you slam your door.

Grumbling to yourself, you flopped back into bed and picked up your phone, looking for a distraction from your embarrassment. You quickly found one when you saw you had a missed text from Joel.

Joel Miller: Question for you - when is the earliest you should text someone without looking too pathetic after you've had the best date of your life?

You grinned as you typed out a response.

You: answer - whatever time you sent this text :)

Joel Miller: Oh, good. Thought I scared you off, sent that about ten minutes ago.

You: sorry, I was downstairs talking to my family, forgot to bring my phone. And I don't think you could ever scare me off

You almost told him about the doorbell camera fiasco, but decided against it. Picking up your mug, you tried not to stare too hard at your phone as you waited for a reply.

Joel Miller: What are you doing later?

Your heart skipped a beat at the thought of seeing him again so soon, then quickly stopped yourself, remembering your promise to your sister.

You: I told my sister I would help paint the nursery...

Joel Miller: That's a shame. I was hoping you could teach me something again.

You: oh? lol

Joel Miller: I just realized how that sounded - I meant wrapping Christmas presents for Sarah. I'm awful at it and I have another hunch gift wrapping is a secret talent of yours.

You giggled and rolled over in bed, your embarrassment long forgotten now.

You: you might be right... how about tomorrow?

Joel took the porch steps two at a time, eager to see you again and it hadn't even been a full two days. His finger barely pressed the doorbell when he heard your voice call out I got it! and the door swung open. You smiled up at him, your eyes lighting up before dropping your gaze to his mouth.

"Hi," you said breathlessly.

"Hey," he replied, swallowing roughly.

"Have a nice time, Bucky!" your mom's voice rang out somewhere behind you as you shut the door quickly. Joel grinned, his gaze drifting from your eyes to your mouth before leaning in. You put your hand on his chest and tilted your head back before grabbing his hand and leading him to his truck. Confused, he followed behind and tried not to stare too long at the way your jeans perfectly hugged your ass.

You led him to the passenger side of the truck, but when he reached out to open the door, you snaked your hand up to wrap around the back of his neck, pulling his face down for a searing kiss only when you were sure you were hidden from view.

"Would I sound crazy if I said I missed you?" you whispered.

"No," Joel replied, shaking his head and trying to calm his pounding heart. "Couldn't stop thinkin' 'bout you."

"Me, too," you admitted softly, gazing up at him with your beautiful eyes all wide and burning with desire.

He cradled your face in his calloused hand, the other flattened firmly against the truck door behind you as he stared into your eyes, fighting the urge to pick you up and wrap your legs around his waist so he could pin you against his truck and let you feel just how badly he missed you.

Then, you heard your dad's SUV unlock and your eyes widened in panic.

"Shit," you muttered. "We should go. I think they're heading out."

"Alright, maybe I should say 'hi' real quick," he said, pushing himself off the truck and letting his hand drop from your face.

"No! That's okay, we'll be stuck here forever if you do," you said hurriedly. He gave you a curious smile but agreed before opening the door for you and hopping into the driver's seat.

He waited until he backed out of the driveway and was heading down your street before shooting you a sideways glance.

"Everythin' okay?"

You sighed and rubbed your palms over your face before clearing your throat.

"So, remember the other night on the porch, after you dropped me off?"

He smirked and nodded.

"Yeah, I think I remember," he teased.

"Well," you began. "My family saw us on the doorbell camera the next morning," you cringed.

He laughed, throwing his head back just a bit so he could still keep an eye on the road, and shook his head.

"Oh, I hate those fuckin' things," he said, but he was still laughing.

You grinned, your nerves and unease dissipating quickly.

"You're not embarrassed?"

"Nah," he said with a shrug, then turned his head briefly to look at you. "I'm sure we put on a good show."

You giggled, your cheeks tinting pink, and turned your head to look out the window.

"Alright," he said after a minute. "I've waited long enough and I gotta ask."

You swiveled back towards him, waiting for him to continue.

"What's the story with the nickname?"

You groaned and squeezed your eyes shut.

"It's so unbelievably stupid," you said, but he shook his head.

"Well, now you gotta tell me."

"Fine," you said, rolling your eyes, but your playful smile gave you away.

"It's Buck, or Bucky. Short for Bucket," you began.

"Bucket?" he repeated, bewildered.

"I warned you it was stupid!" you protested, and he chuckled. "Anyway, when I was little, my sister and her friends had a sleepover one time, and I overheard them swearing."

"Okay," Joel said slowly, nodding along while he kept his eyes pinned to the road.

"I always looked up to my sister, I was like her shadow when I was younger. So, when I heard them swearing, I wanted to be like them, too, you know?"

"Yeah, I follow," he replied, still not sure how the story related to your nickname.

"Well, thing is, I misheard them. They were saying 'fuck it', but I heard 'bucket'," you explained. "So I went to school and, thinking I sounded cool, I would say 'bucket' to all my friends. We were little, they had no idea what I was talking about, so I explained to them it's a swear word. Before I knew it, I had the whole class saying 'bucket' any time someone dropped something, or got a bad grade on a test, or whatever."

Joel howled with laughter, gripping the steering wheel for dear life as he tried to make it safely into his driveway.

"The principal called my parents and told them what was happening," you continued, joining in and giggling. "They got me home, and-" you doubled over, clutching your stomach as Joel put the truck in park and slumped over the steering wheel, his body shaking as he laughed.

"And I had to tell them the whole story, about why I kept saying it and-" you wiped the tears from your eyes as you took a deep breath. "And - oh my god - my sister got grounded for two weeks-" Another fit of laughter washed over Joel, tears streaming down his face.

"Wait, wait," he gasped, unbuckling his seatbelt so he could turn to face you. "You got in trouble in school, and your sister ended up gettin' punished?"

"Yes!" you squeaked, still giggling.

"Oh, shit," he breathed, panting as he leaned the back of his head against the seat rest. "Can't believe you thought that was stupid. That's gotta be the funniest thing I heard in a long while."

"Well, I'm glad I could brighten your day," you said, still grinning.

He rolled his head back towards you, his soft gaze drifting up and down your frame quickly before stopping on your eyes.

"You really do, y'know," he said quietly, and you furrowed your brow, tilting your head in confusion.

"Brighten my day," he clarified.

You bit your lower lip and smiled, looking away as the flush began to return to your cheeks.

"Come on, charmer. Why don't we go teach you how to wrap presents?"

You never really gave much thought as to what Joel's house would look like, but once you saw it, it immediately felt like him. It was a smaller, two bedroom house. When you first walked in, you entered a living room with a leather couch and an oversized recliner. A big screen TV was front and center across from the couch, with a few framed pictures of Joel and Sarah mounted on the wall next to it.

"You want somethin' to drink?" Joel asked, making sure to slide the coat from your shoulders before shrugging off his own.

"Maybe just water," you said, following him into the kitchen. You gasped when you saw his cupboards and immediately rushed over to them while he pulled two bottles of water from the stainless steel fridge.

"Oh my god, Joel," you whispered, running your fingers gently over the designs. Each one looked different but somehow they all were cohesive. Some had small flowers or butterflies carved into the corners, while others had simple, yet intricate designs grooved into the wood.

"Had to practice somehow," he said, feeling his cheeks flush as he walked over to hand you your water.

"God, it's so beautiful," you said breathlessly, unable to look away from the dark, stained wood. Your fingers danced over some stars etched into one of doors, your eyes wide with awe, but he was focused entirely on you. He couldn't get enough of watching the delicate features on your face light up whenever you found something new that pleased you.

"How long does this take for you to do?" you asked, finally dragging your eyes away to look up at him. Your throat tightened when you noticed the heat behind his stare, your pulse fluttering in your neck.

"Depends," he murmured. "Some are faster than others, but I prefer to go slow and take my time. Anythin' worthwhile takes time. Gotta show it respect, gotta care for it."

His low and sultry tone made your face flush, forgetting for a moment you were talking about woodworking.

"Y-yeah," you stammered, clearing your throat. Suddenly, you were feeling short of breath. "That makes sense."

He gazed down at you for another moment, his eyes slowly raking over your face as if committing it to memory before speaking again. Your entire body felt hot, and you cursed yourself for wearing such a thick sweater.

"Ready to go upstairs?" he murmured, still staring at you in a way that made your spine tingle.

"Huh?" you whispered, completely entranced by his deep, brown eyes.

"The presents?" he reminded you with a small smirk.

"Oh, right," you said, finally blinking and looking away. You shakily opened your water bottle after he turned around to lead you to the stairs, your mouth suddenly extremely dry.

As you walked up the steps, you tried to get a look at the pictures that lined the wall, but it was difficult to do without tripping. You thought you had finally gotten your head on straight after that moment in the kitchen, but when you realized he was leading you to his bedroom, you felt the tremble return to your hands.

"Sorry, had to hide everythin' in my closet, she's too nosy," he said over his shoulder.

"No problem," you squeaked, trying not to stare at his neatly made bed. Your eyes briefly drifted over the end tables filled with personal effects. You thought you saw a chapstick, a cord for a phone charger, and a worn paperback book, but you didn't want him to catch you, so you looked away quickly.

He opened his closet and you were surprised to find his clothes packed away so neatly. For a bachelor, he kept a really clean house. He pulled out the bags of gifts from the shelf above his clothes, then the wrapping paper, which was leaning against the corner.

"D'you think we got enough room?" he asked, glancing around at the floor.

"Yeah, of course," you said, sitting down crossed legged on the carpet. You reached out for the wrapping paper and rolled it out in front of you as he sat down at your side, taking out her gifts one by one. You felt yourself involuntarily clench as you watched his large hands deftly lay out each item on the floor, his muscles twitching slightly under the tanned skin of his exposed forearms.

"I know what you're thinkin'," he said, and your eyes widened in surprise. "I spoil her, I know, but she's such a good kid, I can't help myself."

That was definitely not what you were thinking, but you chose to keep that to yourself.

"I think it's sweet," you told him. "You seem like a really good dad."

Now it was his turn to blush. He tried to turn his head away so you wouldn't see, murmuring his thanks as you each picked an item to start. After a quick tutorial, which included way too much tape and ripped paper, Joel finally seemed to get the technique down. It only took until about halfway through the pile for you to muster up the courage to bring up a topic you couldn't help but be curious about.

"So," you began, hoping you came off nonchalant. "Is Sarah with her mom this Christmas, or..."

Joel's fingers fumbled for a moment with the wrapping paper, but he quickly recovered.

"Uh, no," he replied, keeping his eyes cast down on the shoe box in front of him. "She's not in Sarah's life anymore."

"Oh," you said, unable to keep the surprise from your voice, but you didn't push him any further. Your mind was scrambling, trying to think of something else to talk about, when he sighed and leaned back, abandoning the gift.

"I'm sorry, this is all so new to me, I probably should've told you about her sooner," he said, feeling guilty, but you quickly shook your head.

"No, you don't have to-"

"I want to," he said, cutting you off. You clamped your mouth shut and turned your body so you could give him your full attention, leaving the hair dryer you were wrapping on the floor next to you.

He drew a shaky breath in and looked up at the ceiling before speaking.

"There's not much to say, really. I'm still not always sure what happened," he began. You nodded, staying quiet and letting him take his time. "We were together since high school, ended up stayin' together after graduation. Sarah was a surprise, we were both still so young but we made it work. It was hard, but once me and Tommy got the business goin', it made things a bit easier."

Your fingers tangled together in your lap as you listened, refusing to say anything until he was done. His gaze drifted towards a fixed point on the wall as he continued.

"From what I gathered, she felt like havin' Sarah so young robbed her from doin' certain things in life," he said heavily. "Said she couldn't do it anymore. Didn't want her life to pass her by and be full of regret."

You bit your lip. The pain was clear as day on his face and it was making your chest ache.

"Well, anyway. I thought maybe she would go off for a couple months, do whatever it was she thought she was missin' out on. Parties, college... other men," he added the last part quietly, and you dropped your gaze to the floor. "Get it out of her system, y'know? But she just... never came back. Eventually, the calls came less and less, and I put two and two together. Didn't even get a courtesy call before I got served with the papers."

He rubbed his eyes, trying so hard not to look like a blubbering idiot in front of you. You reached your hand out and placed it gently on his knee, giving him a reassuring squeeze. He dropped his hand from his face to cover yours, staring at your coupled hands for a moment.

"Joel-"

"It was just so fuckin' hard on Sarah, y'know?" he said, his voice cracking. "I had no idea what to tell her. She cried almost every night, askin' me why her mom didn't love her anymore."

"Oh, Joel," you whispered, unable to hold back any longer. You closed the small gap between you, wrapping your arms around his shoulders and pulling him into your chest, your fingers gently raking through his hair. "I'm so sorry," you told him, burying your nose in the hair on top of his head, breathing in the citrus scent from his shampoo.

He didn't say a word. He just tugged you closer and closed his eyes, leaning into your comforting touch with a deep sigh.

"I'm sorry," he finally managed to croak out. "I'm throwin' way too much at you, I know you didn't sign up for this."

"Shh," you whispered into his hair, then tilted his face up to look at you, his dark brown eyes glassy with unshed tears. "It's okay," you murmured, pressing a soft kiss against his lips. A solitary tear slipped down his cheek when he pulled back to look deep into your eyes.

"It's okay," you repeated, wiping away the tear with the pad of your thumb before placing another gentle kiss against his lips.

He hummed contently against your mouth, sliding his hand up to the back of your neck and pressing his lips more firmly against your own, scared to let you go because if he did, he was sure he would fall apart.

Your grip on his hair tightened as he leaned forward, one strong arm wrapped around your midsection and the other pressed against your back. You mumbled something against his mouth when he tried to lay you down and knocked over a small pile of DVDs.

"Fuck," he whispered and, oh god, the way he said it made your legs turn to jelly and your cheeks flare with heat.

Frustrated, he tightened his grip around you and lifted you up, refusing to break the kiss. A tiny, high pitched squeak slipped past your lips as you wrapped your legs around his hips, letting him carry you to his bed.

He laid you down carefully on top of his plush, navy striped comforter. You sighed into his mouth, your legs loosening around his waist and falling open while you dragged your hands out of his hair and down to his shoulders, wrapping your fingers around his biceps to keep him close. He hovered above you, balancing all his weight on his elbows while his fingers played with the ends of your impossibly soft hair.

He slipped his tongue easily past your lips with a low groan, the noise going straight to your core, making the ache between your legs almost painful while your tongue danced with his, the two already so familiar with each other.

You tipped your head back with a gasp, desperate for air, but he kept going, unable to stop himself. His lips brushed against your jaw before his teeth and prickly beard scraped against the sensitive skin behind your earlobe. You let out a needy whimper and arched your back at the sensation, pushing your breasts into his broad chest as goosebumps spread over your whole body.

"Oh god, Joel," you whined softly, squeezing your eyes shut.

"Yeah, baby?" he replied, his voice thick and muffled against your neck. Baby. Jesus, this man was unraveling you so fast, it was making your head spin.

"I-I know we said this was casual, but-" the words got trapped in your throat as you cut yourself off, unable to finish your thought.

"I know," he said, his voice strained. "Fuck, I know."

He lifted his head away from your neck as he stared down at you, patting your hair back and away from your face as he panted slightly for breath.

You looked up at him, eyes watering as you tried not to think about your time coming to an end in a couple short weeks. You could tell he was thinking the same but didn't want to say it, the pain behind his eyes was obvious.

He blinked a couple times, the clouds clearing as he forced himself to focus on the present. He had you here in his arms, in his bed, underneath him right now. And he was going to be damned if he didn't soak up every single second.

He leaned back down and locked his lips on yours again, this time moving slower, more gentle and tender. He wanted to treat you right. You deserved it, and he wasn't going to give you anything less than what you deserved while he still had you.

You loosened your grip on his arms and allowed your hands to drift to the buttons of his flannel, slowly and shakily undoing them. His heart began to slam against his chest when he realized what you were doing, his mind going fuzzy with desire.

He pulled his head back when you were about halfway down his shirt, looking down hazily at your fingers working open the buttons as he desperately tried to think straight.

"Dad?" Sarah called from downstairs, the front door slamming shut. "Are you here?"

"Shit," Joel mumbled, scrambling off of you as he clumsily tried to redo his buttons. You jumped off the bed, leaning over so you could see into the mirror above his dresser, raking your hands through your tangled hair and quickly fixing your sweater.

"Yeah!" Joel shouted back, glancing over at you to make sure you were decent. "Sorry," he whispered, but you just grinned. Then his eyes fell to the half wrapped presents on the floor.

"Wait! Don't come up-" he called out as he heard her skipping up the steps. Joel grabbed your arm and pulled you out of the room, closing the door behind you both just in time.

"What? Why?" Sarah asked, then froze when she saw you. She looked up at Joel, then back to you, and a slow smile spread across her face.

"Ohhh..." she said with her hands on her hips. "Now I see."

"N-no, it's not what it looks like, she was just helpin' me wrap some gifts," Joel stammered, jutting his thumb over his shoulder. You shifted your weight nervously as you looked back and forth between them.

"Then why are you missing a button on your shirt?"

You both glanced down at his flannel, and she was right. He missed fixing a button in all the chaos. Your face flushed beet red as you stared at the ground while Joel hurriedly fixed the button, cursing under his breath. When you dared to look back up at his daughter, she was smirking playfully at you. Joel cleared his throat.

"Sarah, this is-"

"Yeah, I know, I remember from the party. The pretty dress, right?" she asked, and you nodded.

"Yeah, that's right. Nice to see you again," you said awkwardly.

She nodded, still smirking and looking at you and Joel. You could tell she loved catching her dad in this uncomfortable situation.

"Oh, crap. I forgot. Uncle Tommy is waiting for you in the driveway, said he needed your help unloading some work stuff out from the back of his truck," Sarah said.

"Ah, dammit, alright. You okay for a couple minutes?" he asked you, eyebrows raised.

"Of course," you said. He nodded, walking down the hall past Sarah, muttering "be good" to her as he walked by.

You listened as Joel made his way down the stairs and out the front door, leaving you and Sarah in silence, still staring at one another.

"I'm sorry, we really were wrapping gifts," you assured her.

"It's okay," she said with a shrug. "Last year he used duct tape on my presents, I know he needs the help."

You giggled, causing her to laugh, as well.

"Do you play an instrument?" you asked, just noticing the case on the floor next to her feet.

"Yeah, violin. I had practice after school today," she said, picking it up.

"Oh, cool. I played piano growing up, but I was never any good," you said, sliding your hands in the back pockets of your jeans.

"I have my school's Christmas recital on Friday," she said. "My first solo."

"Oh my god!" you said, clapping your hands together, genuinely impressed. "That's incredible! You must be so excited!"

"Yeah, at first, but now I'm getting nervous," she said, glancing down at the case in her hand. "You wanna hear me play?"

"Duh. Absolutely," you said with a grin. Her eyes lit up and a huge smile spread across her face again.

"O-okay. This is my room right here," she said, turning to her right and opening the door. "Sorry it's messy, my dad's gonna kill me."

"It's totally fine," you said, walking in and sitting down at the edge of her bed. You glanced around the room as she set up her music stand. On the pink walls, she had posters up of her favorite bands with a calendar and string lights draped across the room.

"I really like your room," you said, squinting to look at the stickers and drawings she had on her headboard.

"Thanks," she said sheepishly. "My dad let me do whatever I wanted."

You were about to comment on the various trophies she had on her windowsill when Sarah spoke again.

"Just so you know, I don't mind that you're seeing my dad."

Your eyes shot up to hers in surprise, not sure what to say. You hadn't really had a chance to talk to Joel about your relationship and how that would affect his daughter.

"He's been in such a good mood this past week, and he won't tell me but I know it's because of you," she said, pinning you with a familiar brown gaze.

"Oh, that's so sweet, Sarah," you said, finally finding your voice. "Thank you. That means a lot."

"You're welcome," she said. "I just want him to be happy again."

You dropped your gaze to your lap, your chest tightening at the thought of Joel being so lonely all these years.

"Me, too," you whispered, still looking down. Sarah regarded you for a minute before slapping her palms against the tops of her thighs and leaned down to pick up her violin.

"You ready?" she asked. You looked up and nodded, giving her an encouraging smile and sat back to listen as she began playing a hauntingly beautiful version of 'Silent Night'.

Sarah got about halfway through the song when she hit the wrong note and abruptly stopped, dropping her chin to her chest in frustration.

"Hey, it's okay," Joel heard you say softly as he walked back up the stairs. He paused at the top, right outside Sarah's room to listen.

"It's okay to make mistakes. Just go slower, take your time. Anything worthwhile takes time," you told her, and he smiled when he heard his earlier words to you repeated back to his daughter. He took a step forward to lean against the doorframe and watch the two of you, your back to him as you sat on her bed.

"Okay," Sarah said, taking a deep breath and closing her eyes before lifting the violin to her chin and starting over.

Joel listened to Sarah play the same song he's heard a million times already in just the past month alone, but kept his eyes trained on you. The way you gave her your full, undivided attention and encouraged her with a smile or a thumbs up when she would glance over at you shyly made his chest ache.

When Sarah successfully finished the song with no mistakes, you jumped up from the bed, clapping and cheering for her, making Sarah giggle and hide behind her hands.

Fuck, this was going to be so hard.

"Dad?" Sarah asked the next morning over her bowl of cereal.

"Yeah, baby girl?" he replied, frowning as he pulled his bread from the toaster. He sucked his fingertips into his mouth, trying to bring some relief to the quickly reddening skin.

"Can your friend come to my recital tomorrow?"

Joel froze, his fingers still pressed against his tongue as he slowly turned around to look at her. He dropped his hand and took a deep breath.

"I don't know if that's such a good idea," he replied.

"You don't think she would wanna go?" Sarah asked, her eyebrows pinched together.

"No, it's not that, I'm sure she would," he said, trying to find the right words.

"Then what's the problem?"

Joel sighed and picked his mug up from the counter, then walked over to join her at the table.

"She doesn't live here, baby. She's goin' back to New York in another week or so, I don't want you gettin' too attached," he finally admitted, watching Sarah closely as she considered his words.

"Well, you guys like each other, right?" she asked, and Joel smirked.

"Yeah, but it ain't that simple."

"Yes, it is, Dad," she said, rolling her eyes and dipping her spoon back into her bowl. "My friend Katy was dating this guy last year and he switched schools over the summer. They're still together, it doesn't matter," Sarah said with a shrug, taking a bite of cereal.

If the topic didn't fill Joel with a sense of dread, he would have chuckled at the comparison, but instead he just sat there quietly, watching his daughter as she finished her cereal and scrolled on her phone.

Sarah pulled on her backpack and was sliding on her sneakers to catch the bus when she called back to Joel over her shoulder.

"Just ask her, okay? Please, Dad?"

Joel sighed, hanging his head between his shoulders and paused his hands over the dishes in the sink.

"Alright," he relented, and he heard Sarah clap her hands behind him before slamming the front door shut.

You: good morning :)

Joel Miller: Good Morning, sweetheart. I didn't think you would be up this early.

You: couldn't fall back asleep. What are you doing

Joel Miller: Just getting to work. Why couldn't you fall back asleep?

You thought about it for a minute from under the pile of blankets on your bed, rolling to your side before answering.

You: I was thinking about you...

Joel Miller: Good thoughts, I hope?

You: VERY ;)

His throat went dry when he opened the text. He glanced around outside his car window, making sure he was still the only one on the job site before replying.

Joel Miller: What are you trying to tell me, baby?

You smirked and bit down on your lip.

You: I was wishing you were in bed with me right now

"Shit," he muttered to himself, glancing around once again before adjusting his pants.

Joel Miller: Me too, what are you wearing?

The answer came back almost immediately.

You: nothing

He groaned and rubbed his palms roughly over his face.

Joel Miller: You're killing me, baby. I have to get working in a minute.

You: i'm sorry ;)

You: I promised my parents I would go to dinner with them tonight, but are you free tomorrow?

Joel took a deep breath, trying to clear the onslaught of inappropriate thoughts from his head when he remembered his promise to Sarah.

Joel Miller: It's Sarah's recital tomorrow night. She asked me to invite you this morning, did you want to go?

He nervously chewed his cheek for a moment before sending another text.

Joel Miller: No pressure, I can tell her you're busy.

He sent his second text right as your reply came through.

You: I would love to!

He grinned and raked his fingers through his hair. Tommy's knuckles tapped on the outside of Joel's window, making him jump. He held up a finger before sending you a quick answer.

Joel Miller: Sounds great. I'll pick you up. Try to go back to sleep. Dream of me.

Joel opened the door and slid his phone in his back pocket, a stupid grin etched across his face as he joined his brother in the half-built storefront they were working on.

"Oh man, you got it bad," Tommy said with a chuckle when he saw the look on Joel's face.

"Alright, what do you think of this one?" you asked Cassie as you stepped out of the bathroom modeling the sixth dress of the day.

"I liked the red one better," she said, glancing up from her phone.

"Are you sure? This one is a little more chic," you said, twisting around to look at your backside in the mirror.

"It's a high school recital, Buck. I don't think anyone is expecting 'chic'," she teased, and you rolled your eyes.

"Well, I just want to look nice, is all," you said, sitting next to her on your bed in a huff. You tapped your phone screen, frowning when all you had was another text from Sydney and nothing from Joel. You opened it up anyway, curiosity getting the best of you.

Sydney: OMG!!!!!!

You sent back three question marks and locked your phone with a sigh.

"You still wanna get together next week so we can look at apartments online for you?" she asked.

"Yeah," you said sadly, looking out the window.

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing," you told her. "Just not ready to go back yet."

"Could that be because of a certain sexy contractor?" she asked, raising an eyebrow at you.

"Shut up," you smirked, tossing a pillow at her lightly.

"Ooo you like him! Lookit how red you're getting!"

"I'm gonna kill you when that baby's out, you know that, right?" you giggled.

"Yeah, yeah, sure," Cassie said, looking back down at her phone as the smile slowly faded from her face. "You know you don't have to go back, right?"

"What do you mean? My job is there, my life is there... everything is there," you replied. "Of course I have to go back."

"What life, though?" she asked, and you frowned at her. "Seriously, Buck. Aside from your job, which you hate, what's left?"

"Well, my friends are there. And I don't hate my job that much. I mean, everyone hates their job a little bit," you said with a shrug.

"Is this what you expected to do when you were in college? Is this what you wanted?" Cassie pressed, sitting up on the bed. "Are you even happy?"

You paused, letting her words roll around in your head for a moment.

"Well, I mean..." you trailed off, not sure how to answer her question.

"If you have to think about it this long, I think you know the answer," your sister said quietly. You groaned and rolled off the bed.

"I'm going back. I have to. I can't just give up because some guy broke my heart," you said, turning around so she could unzip the back of your dress.

"I'm just saying, think about it," Cassie replied. "I wouldn't hate it if my child's aunt was in their life more than twice a year!" she called after you as you shut the door to the bathroom.

Joel eagerly jogged up the porch steps and rang the doorbell, very aware of the camera this time while he fiddled with the cuffs on his dark red button down shirt. He heard high heels clicking on the other side of the door and the corners of his mouth turned up into a smile, which quickly vanished when you opened the door and he saw the dress you were wearing.

"Hi," you said with a shy smile, pulling a soft looking white cardigan on over your shoulders.

He thought he had greeted you. He could have sworn he said something, anything, that didn't make him look like a complete idiot, but apparently nothing came out because you scrunched your eyebrows together when you saw his face.

"Are you okay?" you asked, pulling the door shut behind you.

"Yeah, it's just - Jesus, you look so good," he managed to finally say, tilting his head back to stare up at the roof of the porch for a moment, taking a deep breath.

"Thank you," you said with a giggle. "You don't look half bad, yourself."

He rubbed his forehead, exasperated and flustered before pulling you quickly into his arms and latching his mouth onto yours with a groan.

"Joel," you pulled back breathlessly with a small smile and leaned your head to the side, trying to silently remind him of the doorbell. His eyes raked over you hungrily before shaking his head and pulling you back into a deep kiss.

Fuck the camera, let them see.

You giggled against his mouth, causing him to smile and break the kiss.

"Come on, I wanna get good seats," you said, rubbing your thumb over his lower lip to wipe off your lipstick that transferred. It caused his stomach to clench. That sweet, little intimate gesture made him ache for more so badly that he could hardly breathe.

He walked you around the front of his truck, opening the door and giving you a hand so you could hop onto the seat, the gorgeous red dress you were wearing hugging your curves just right and distracting him to no end.

On the walk around to the driver's side, he mentally scolded himself, reminding himself over and over that tonight was a big deal for his little girl and he needed to stay focused.

As he drove down the street, he realized that his hand instinctively found yours across the seat, his body craving the warmth and softness of your own. How on earth was he going to go back to the life he had before, now that he knows what it's like to bask in the heat of your touch?

Once he got to the school, he found a parking spot and jumped out of the truck. You had figured out by now that he preferred you to wait so he could open the car door for you, so you did. Swinging your legs over the side of the seat, you slid down into his waiting arms, your hands gently coming to rest on the tops of his shoulders. He gazed down at you with his arms loosely hanging around your waist. You saw his adam's apple bob in his throat while he let himself get lost in your warm, beautiful eyes. You lifted a finger from his shoulder, tracing an invisible line down the side of his cheek as you stared up at him with your plush lips parted so invitingly that it made his knees weak.

"Joel! Hey!" Tommy's voice called out from behind, snapping you both out of the moment. Joel sighed and untangled himself from you, taking your hand and leading you forward so he could shut the door before turning around to find his brother.

You could see the family resemblance immediately as Tommy approached you with a wide grin. His hair was a bit darker and a lot longer, and his beard was less full than Joel's, but he had the same soft, brown eyes that you had grown to know and love.

Love? Oh, no.

"Hey, Tommy," Joel said as he got closer, his hand pressed firmly on the small of your back. "This is-"

"Oh, I know who she is. How're you doin', darlin'?" Tommy asked, pulling you into a bear hug, taking you by surprise.

"I-I'm good," you squeaked shyly once he released you. "Nice to meet you."

"I've been dyin' to meet the little lady who's got my brother all wrapped up," he replied with a grin.

"Tommy!" Joel seethed warningly at your side, but you just giggled.

"I'm just messin' around. She knows that, right?" he said, shoving his hands in his coat pocket and rolling on the balls of his feet. "Supposed to snow next week, can you believe it?"

"Yeah, I heard we might get a couple feet," Joel said, steering you toward the doors to the auditorium. "Better get your shovel ready."

You settled in between the two brothers as you found a decent spot in the fourth row. Joel draped his arm around the back of your chair while he chatted with Tommy about work. You inadvertently leaned to the side and rested your shoulder against his chest as you glanced around the room, admiring the lit up garlands around the windows and Christmas trees on the stage with fake presents underneath.

When their conversation died down, Tommy pulled out his phone and began scrolling through social media, holding it low between his spread knees with his chin tucked into his chest.

Joel tilted his face forward to press his lips on the top of your head, breathing in a deep and contented breath. A small smile played across your lips as you turned your gaze up towards him, resting your cheek gently on his shoulder. He looked down at you with a smile and planted a chaste kiss on your forehead, and as each of you slid your eyes closed for a moment, Tommy angled his phone to snap a quick picture, smiling to himself and making a mental note to show his brother later.

The lights dimmed and you all straightened up in your seats. You listened to the music teacher make a small speech at the beginning and politely clapped afterwards. You saw Sarah twice throughout the concert as part of the orchestra, smiling at how focused and beautiful she looked in her white dress. As the concert wound down, Sarah finally came out on stage for her solo, and the three of you eagerly leaned forward. At the last minute, you remembered to pull out your phone and start a video, telling yourself you were doing it for Joel so that he could be in the moment, but you knew you would end up watching it by yourself when you went back to New York City.

The performance was flawless. When it was over, the three of you lept up from your seats, cheering, jumping and clapping, making her wave and blush as she exited the stage. You sat down, giggling, as the people surrounding you gave you all polite smiles and chuckles, then quieted down for the finale.

When the lights came back up, everyone stood from their seats, murmuring and laughing while waiting for their kids to come out from backstage and take pictures. You saw a flash of white out of the corner of your eye and moved out of the way just in time for Sarah to run and jump up into Joel's arms, burying her face in his neck. He squeezed his eyes shut, his arms wrapped around her tightly, murmuring praise in her ear. You felt warmth spread across your chest as you watched them have their moment, the corners of your mouth turned up into a smile with your hands clasped together against your chest.

He let her down gently and she turned to give Tommy a quick hug. He spun her around, making her giggle and fidget with her dress before she turned to you.

"You came!" she exclaimed, wrapping her arms loosely around your waist. Your eyes widened in surprise, not expecting such affection from her, but you quickly returned the hug.

"Of course I came! Thank you for inviting me," you said, pulling back with a grin. "You were absolutely perfect, I took a video, I'll send it to your dad so he can show you later."

"I did exactly what you told me, I slowed down and took my time," she beamed, and it gave you a new feeling deep in your chest that you never felt before.

"That's great, Sarah," you replied, your throat tight with emotion. Tommy dropped his gaze from you and ticked his jaw to the side, finally understanding why Joel was hesitant to let Sarah know about the two of you.

"Dad?" Sarah asked, turning away from you. "Can I sleep over at Katy's? She's having a bunch of girls over and her mom said it was okay."

"Uh, sure, baby girl. Don't you need clothes and stuff?"

"I have stuff I keep here in my locker for gym," she said.

"Well, alright, lemme talk to her mom first," he replied, glancing around the room.

"Thank you! She's right over here," she said, grabbing his hand. "Thanks for coming!" she called back last minute over her shoulder to you and Tommy, and you both smiled and waved as she dragged her father across the room.

"She's so talented," you said, turning to Tommy. He looked down at you and gave you a weak smile.

"Yeah, she's somethin' else," he said with a nod. "Hey, listen. I'm havin' a get together next week at my house. Little Christmas party, I guess. I invited a guy I met at your parents' house - Josh? He's comin' with his wife, Joel and Sarah'll be there, I'd love for you to come by if you can."

"Josh is my brother in law," you clarified for him. "That sounds great, I'll be there, thank you."

"You're welcome," Tommy said, then his brows pinched together as he opened his mouth again to speak. "Joel might kill me for sayin' this, but you gotta know how happy you've -"

"Ready to go?" Joel asked, sneaking up beside you. Tommy cleared his throat and gave his brother an innocent smile.

"Yep," you replied, dropping your hand to find his at your side, lacing your fingers together and giving him a gentle squeeze.

After saying goodbye to Tommy, Joel slowly led you through the parking lot to his truck, desperately trying to think of something else you could do, not ready to drop you off yet. He knew the time you had together was coming to an end, and he wanted to soak up every precious second. Especially after the way he saw you with Sarah: so warm and sweet and patient. He couldn't remember the last time he saw his daughter's eyes light up that way.

He prided himself on being a good father since his wife left. Always making sure to put Sarah first, that she got everything she could ever want or need. Especially his love. When Natalie abandoned them, he made sure Sarah got every ounce of love he had, hoping it would help make up for the loss. But as hard as he tried, he could never fully fill both roles. There were just some things that a mother provided for her daughter that Joel couldn't give.

He didn't realize it until he saw you with Sarah earlier that night, and then it felt like everything shifted into focus for the first time in his life.

He held out his hand to help you get back into his truck, making sure your legs were safely tucked in before he gently shut the door.

Sitting in the driver's seat gripping the steering wheel, he stared straight ahead for a moment in complete silence, the keys still in his coat pocket while his mind reeled.

"Is everything okay?" you asked timidly. He blinked and turned to you.

"Yeah," he said hoarsely. He swallowed and looked at his watch.

"You wanna get coffee or somethin'? I know it's gettin' late but I'm sure some place's open," he said, deep in thought as he considered the cafés nearby.

"Don't you have coffee at your house?" you asked shyly. His eyes snapped up to yours and he saw the flush creeping up your neck and the rapid rise and fall of your chest.

Oh.

"Yeah, yes," he croaked, nervously clearing his throat. "Let's do that. I have- yeah, good idea," he stammered, fumbling with the keys in his pocket.

You smirked as you watched his shaky hand turn the key in the ignition. He twisted around to back out of the parking spot, and this time you gave into temptation, unbuckling your seatbelt so you could slide over and tuck yourself under his arm. He immediately pulled you closer, not even caring that you weren't wearing your seatbelt. He would make sure to drive safe. Nothing could possibly ruin that night. He wouldn't let it.

At stop lights, you would run your hand up his chest and plant small kisses against the corner of his mouth, filling him with a radiating bliss he never felt before.

Once you got back to his house, you shrugged off your sweater and trailed behind him as he made his way into the kitchen. You leaned against the wall and watched as he opened one of the cupboards - the one with the small birds carved into the bottom - and pulled down a can of coffee.

"I don't think I have any decaf," he said turning to look at you.

"I don't want coffee, Joel," you said lowly. He swallowed roughly and put the can on the counter.

"What d'you want, then?"

You pushed yourself off the wall and slowly walked towards him, his eyes skating up and down your body as you approached. Wrapping your arms around his waist, you tilted your face up to gaze at him, your mouth hovering over his own.

"I want you."

His eyes fluttered closed as your lips slotted against his, his rough hands immediately coming up to cup your smooth face, holding you firmly against his mouth. Christ, he would never get tired of kissing you. If he could do it every single day for the rest of his life, he would. He knew it seemed crazy. He knew you just met, but he couldn't help the way you made him feel.

"Let's go upstairs," you whispered, nipping at his lower lip.

He couldn't speak. He just nodded in a daze and let you lead him coyly up the steps, then turned around to walk backwards down the hall towards his bedroom so you could pull him tightly against your body. His big hands gripped your waist while his tongue slipped past your lips, searching for its mate.

You reached behind you blindly, your hand fighting with the doorknob as his big frame caged you in against the wood, his masculine scent invading your senses and making it difficult to think. Finally, the door swung open and you both stumbled in, a giggle erupting from your throat as your fingers got to work undoing the buttons on his dress shirt.

You hurriedly tugged his button down off, leaving it in a heap on the floor as you slid your palms underneath the white t-shirt he had on, feeling the warm skin of his stomach and chest for the first time.

"Off," you whispered, your heart getting stuck in your throat when he yanked the shirt over his head, leaving his upper body completely bare to you. Your mouth went dry as you drank him in, then lunged forward, your lips brushing up his sternum until you reached his collarbone. You sucked on a bit of tanned skin there with a moan, then slipped your tongue out to press wetly against the red mark you left, feeling drunk off the taste of his sweat.

He gently pushed you backwards so he could ease you down onto his bed, his breath growing erratic and desperate with each little bite you left on his chest. God, has anyone ever desired him this much before? Has he really been missing out on this his entire life?

"Baby, we're gonna have to stop soon if you don't want this to go any further," he murmured. He found himself in the familiar position of hovering above you while his hand slid down your leg and toyed with the hem of your dress.

"I don't think I can take much more, tell me to stop," he whispered when you didn't answer, running the tip of his nose softly against your cheek.

"I don't want you to stop," you gasped as his fingers slipped underneath your dress. You tilted your head back and moaned when you felt his fingertips brush against the damp fabric of your panties.

His mouth hungrily devoured the exposed cleavage of your breasts, growing frustrated with the fabric of your dress keeping him from seeing all of you.

"Sit up," he demanded, leaning back and pulling his hand from between your legs. You obeyed, and he made short work of your zipper, pulling it all the way down so you could shimmy out, leaving you in just your underwear.

"Oh, fuck," he whispered when he realized you weren't wearing a bra. You let yourself fall back gently on the bed, spreading your arms out above your head so he could see every inch of you in the moonlight.

He couldn't believe this was actually happening. He kept waiting for his alarm to go off and reality to slap him across the face, but it never came. His heart was pounding so fast, he was sure you could hear it as he leaned back down and nibbled at your exposed jaw while his calloused hand cupped your soft breast, his thumb flicking over your hardening nipple.

You scraped your nails over his shoulders and down his chest as you arched your back, pressing into his hand, needing to feel the heat of his skin against your own. Your stomach flipped as you made your way down to his belt, and with shaky fingers, pulled hastily at the leather.

Yanking the belt through the loops with one swift motion, you flung it across the room, making him chuckle against your skin. When you started to work on popping open the button on his dress pants, a devastating thought suddenly occurred to him.

"Shit, wait," he said, putting his hand on top of yours. You frowned up at him, your chest heaving, as you gave him a confused look.

"I don't have any protection," he said through gritted teeth. He hung his head and squeezed his eyes shut angrily. "I-I haven't been with anyone since my ex, and I never thought... fuck," he said, clenching his jaw.

You weighed your options for about half a second before tugging his chin up, forcing him to look at you.

"I'm still on birth control," you told him, searching his eyes. "I mean, only if you're comfortable with it, we don't have to," you said, but in your head you were chanting please, please, please.

"Are you sure?" he asked, panting for air. "I don't wanna make you feel like -"

"Yes," you said, cutting him off by grabbing his face. "Yes. I'm sure, Joel. Please," you whimpered, pulling him back down to you, his mouth crashing down on yours again.

"Please," you whispered again, tipping your head back as his lips left a trail of soft kisses down your throat. "Please, Joel, I need you."

His mouth stuttered against your neck. Hearing you beg and say you needed him when he never thought he would ever be needed like this in his whole life made his mind go blank.

"Okay," he rasped. "Okay, baby."

He tugged at the zipper on his black pants and pulled them off as quickly as he could without leaving you. You reached down to help him, hooking your fingers over the band of his boxers and shoving them down. He kicked them off before yanking down your panties, dropping them on the floor next to his clothes.

You eagerly spread your legs so he could settle his hips between them. You glanced down with a small gasp when you saw the size of him and you felt your cheeks flare. Jesus Christ.

He didn't seem to notice your reaction when he was too wrapped up in staring at the wet heat between your legs, pulsing and waiting, just for him. He slid a finger gently between your folds, making you moan and your back arch. Fuck, he loved how responsive you were to his touch.

He readjusted so he was kneeling between your legs. His palms slid up your calves, past your knees and to your inner thighs, pressing them down into the mattress so you were spread wide.

He lined himself up at your center, glancing up at you quickly to make sure you were ready. You swallowed and nodded, your eyes filled with desire, desire for him, something he still couldn't fathom but decided not to question. He pressed forward gently, notching himself against you before falling forward on his elbows.

He kissed the tip of your nose as he eased himself inside you, pausing when he heard you gasp and felt you tense under him.

"More," you finally croaked, your nails coming up to rake against his scalp. He let out the breath he was holding and pushed in further, his eyes fluttering shut and his mouth falling open as he felt you slowly stretch around him so perfectly, like you were made just for him.

"Oh, god," he sighed, dropping his face to the crook of your neck after he fully sheathed himself inside you. He dragged his mouth across your chest, leaving a wet trail from his tongue and red marks from his scratchy beard in his wake. He waited until he felt your muscles relax under him before he slowly rolled his hips, dragging himself in and out as his teeth scraped over your tightening nipples. You moaned his name softly, the sound permanently etched in his brain, a sound he will refuse to forget for the rest of his life.

He began to roll his hips faster at your encouragement, becoming obsessed with the way you felt and the sounds you made, and it was all for him. He spent so much of his life giving to everyone around him, he never truly felt like anyone was able or willing to give him what he needed in return until now. The recognition was depressing and freeing at the same time. Now that he finally had what he always wanted, what he always needed, he was going to lose you and there was nothing he could do about it.

Each moan from your throat and each kiss from your lips dragged him down deeper and deeper until he collided head first with the stunning, yet so painfully obvious, realization that he was deliriously in love with you. It was insane, he knew that. But it didn't make it any less true.

"Joel," you gasped, pulling him out of his trance and back to the present.

"Yeah, baby? I'm here. I'm right here," he whispered, planting soft kisses all over your face.

You bit down on your lower lip and squeezed your eyes shut. The sheer intensity behind his gaze coupled with the agony of only getting to experience this for one more short week made tears burn in the backs of your eyes.

You felt your orgasm begin to swell deep in your belly while your breath became more ragged and your vision went spotty. It shouldn't feel this good. This was cruel, to be able to experience something like this just to have it brutally ripped away from you. It wasn't fair, yet you never wanted it to stop.

He could feel it. It's been years, and it was never, ever like this, but he still knew. The way you whimpered and clawed at his back while your walls squeezed him so tightly, he thought he might pass out.

"Open your eyes," he panted. "I wanna look at you."

You forced your eyes open, now unable to hold back the tears that pooled there as two drops trickled down the side of your face, getting lost in your hair.

"It's okay, I got you," he whispered lovingly, staring deep into your eyes, seeing everything you didn't dare say out loud.

"You can let go, baby," he told you, his hips snapping against you ruthlessly, desperate to come at the same time.

You felt the wave rip through you like fire, the power and emotion behind it unlike anything you ever felt before. More tears poured from your eyes as you cried out his name, your thighs squeezing his hips so tightly you weren't sure you would be able to stand after.

He followed seconds later with a deep groan, spilling himself deep inside you while murmuring praise and wiping away your tears with his thumb.

"Why're you cryin', did I hurt you?" he asked, his voice filled with so much concern that it broke your heart. You shook your head, wiping the tears away with the back of your hand, but fresh ones just took their place.

"C'mon, talk to me," he urged, leaning up a bit as he softened inside you.

"What are we gonna do, Joel?" you blubbered pathetically. He took a shaky breath in and tenderly tucked your hair behind your ear.

"I don't know, baby, but we'll figure somethin' out. We gotta," he said with a sigh.

"I can't lose you," you whispered, pressing your forehead against his and closing your eyes.

"You'll never lose me, I can promise you that," he replied, pressing a gentle kiss against your swollen lips.

He waited until your tears slowed down before sliding out of you with a hiss. Rolling off to your side, he wrapped his arms around your middle and pulled you close against his chest, and as you finally drifted off in his embrace, he thought about all of the options available before you, determined to find a solution.

Tag list: @lola8888673 @pedropascalsbbg @nandan11 @sushiumex @serenadingtigers @jjlevin @survivingandenduring @amyispxnk @mysterious-moonstruck-musings @merz-8 @wonyoungismind @fandomscollide @anoverwhelmingdin @cayleejx16 @msjjekyll @lizzie-cakes @hexedbywanda @harriedandharassed @joeldjarin - lmk if i missed anyone, if your name is crossed out it means it won't let me tag you

[ghostly-wisp]

It's my fave season of the year again :3 Merry Chrysler! sr no new artwork this time I'm so freaking swamped with finals rn o(-(

[ghostly-wisp]

[ghostly-wisp]

Hi! I have a request for a Luke danes and female reader love story? Thank you!!

hi, I'm sorry my response isn't the fic.

I'm working very hard on it. However, my dog pissed on my laptop. and I'm very sorry because I was very excited about this and wanted to get it to you in a timely manner, however that may not happen😭

I'm still going to work on it, it just might take more time. thank you for your request, it means the world ❤️

[ghostly-wisp]

me bcz I just got a Luke Danes ask (going to start working on it after therapy)

[ghostly-wisp]

yeah, college sucks but i just walked out after failing my first midterm wearing a "i am kenough" shirt.

#ghostly wisp #wisp speaks #college #i am kenough

[ghostly-wisp]

welcome to my very first kinktober 🖤

below you'll find all of the characters & prompts in one place, enjoy! last updated 07/10/23 (prompts marked as "wip" aren't finished yet, characters & the prompt might change)

pegging/leather & latex - maxwell lord

titfucking - ezra

hate sex - agent whiskey

teratophilia - max phillips

sweat - javier peña

dubcon - joel miller

waxplay - oberyn martell

breeding kink - oberyn martell

lactation kink - oberyn martell

praise kink - oberyn martell

sensory deprivation - agent whiskey

somnophilia - dieter bravo

size difference - joel miller

orgasm denial - maxwell lord

shotgunning - dieter bravo

double penetration in one hole - javier peña

threesome - oberyn martell (& ellaria sand)

spanking - frankie morales

uniform - javier peña

mind control - max phillips

panties & lingerie - joel miller

bondage - agent whiskey

deepthroating - dave york

sex toys - agent whiskey

pregnancy - marcus moreno

overstimulation - oberyn martell

double penetration in two holes - dieter bravo

body worship - joel miller

breathplay - ezra (wip)

free use - pero tovar (wip)

free day/public sex - oberyn martell

[ghostly-wisp]

on this episode of kat got bored and made another quiz: pick some vibes and i'll give you a very specific pedro!

[ghostly-wisp]

so i can read later <3

The Crush Series

Pairing: Javier Peña x OFC!Isabel/Fem!Reader

Turn on notifications for @ren-browne-writes to be updated when I post new content.

Read on Ao3

Summary: After eight years in Colombia, Javier Peña is finally back home and hoping to keep his head down. Although you were fourteen and harboring a schoolgirl infatuation when he went away, you and your crush are now all grown up and it’s proving hard for Javier to ignore.

Rating: Explicit 18+ (By proceeding to read beyond this warning, you are agreeing that you are 18 years or older)

Content: Age Gap (15 years), Smut, Hidden Relationship, Secrecy, Pining, Family Interference, Small Town Dynamics, PTSD

Entries

The Crush (Part 1)

The Lie (Part 2)

The Trip (Part 3)

The Gift (Part 4)

The Hero (Part 5)

The Call (Part 6)

The Choice (Part 7) - Sneak Peek 

The Water (Part 8) - Sneak Peek - Flood Photo

The Altar (Part 9)

The Truth (Part 10) - The Door Sneak Peek

The Rosary (Part 11) - Sneak Peek

The Ofrenda (Part 12) - Sneak Peek

The Clock (Part 13) - Sneak Peek

The Doll (Part 14) - Sneak Peek

The DEA (Part 15) - Sneak Peek

The Return (Part 16) - The Maps Sneak Peek

The Ribbon (Part 17)

The Reunion (Part 18)

The Hill (Part 19) - Sneak Peek

The Letter (Part 20) - Sneak Peek

The Home (Epilogue)

TBA - Part 1 of Gabe’s Story (Bonus)

Extras

Reading Order

Title Meanings

Meet Isa

The Crush Playlist

The Crush Timeline

The Peña House

About Aarón

About Eli

About Gabe

Drabbles

The Sketch (Gabe POV)

The Party

The Window

The Lesson

The Curls

The Sweet Tooth

The Shower

The Bite

The Record Player

The Tie

The Books

The Show

The Valentine

The Birthday

The Trim

The Goodnight

The Barn

The Something

The Ex

The Booth

The Slip

The Stray

The Crush Art Masterlist

[ghostly-wisp]

Mr. Loverman update #2

so, I decided that I will no longer update mr. loverman, however, I will leave it up for people to enjoy if they so please. I'm sorry to the people that did enjoy the series, and I appreciated all the support I got from it. However, I was finding it hard to find a way to continue it + I wasn't enjoying writing it anymore. I WILL be continuing my Joel series, I'm just finding it hard to get inspo these days, I also want to do other characters - I will be active again at some point, I promise.

#mr. loverman #ghostly wisp

[ghostly-wisp]

Mr. Loverman Update

hi, me again.

I'm just coming on here to say that I might delete my Mr. loverman series — not writing it for a while has made me notice that I hate the way I wrote it, and that I honestly don't enjoy writing rpf as much as I used to when I was younger.

if I do delete it, I'm going to re-write it but as a Pedro pascal character instead.

I'm sorry to the people who loved Mr. loverman, but I hope you could understand <3

— wisp

#pedro pascal #mr. loverman #x reader #reader insert #pedro pascal x you

[ghostly-wisp]

Javier Peña in Every Episode: The Cali KGB

[ghostly-wisp]

Peña’s Anatomy, Chapter Sixteen:

pairing: surgeon au!javier peña x resident!reader (Lucky)

rating: M (talks of surgery, lying, brief angst/argument, talks of potential death/grief, fluffy fluffy fluffy ending)

wc: 3.1k

series masterlist | javi p masterlist

“Well, look who’s finally decided to hang out,” Steve drawled, flashing a smirk at Javier as he walked up to the booth his friend was sitting at in their favorite diner.

“Very funny,” Javi said, sitting down across from him. “I saw you yesterday morning, asshole.”

“At work,” Steve corrected. “How long has it been since we hung out, just the two of us?”

Javi shook his head and laughed as their waitress came by to fill their cups with coffee. “I’ve got better things to do these days.”

“Oh, I’ve heard all about the things y’all do from Connie,” Steve chuckled. “I’m just waitin’ for y’all to get over this horned up teenage puppy love shit and have a real fight.”

“We fight,” Javi defended. “Not very much, but we do.”

“Yeah, well, ain’t gonna stay that way forever,” Steve said, taking a sip of his coffee. “Like this whole Dallas trip. I expected that to take ya right out of the honeymoon and into reality.”

Javi squinted at him, trying to figure out what he could possibly know that he didn’t.

“What are you talking about? It’s a girls trip, why would I be mad?”

“Shit, she hasn’t told you? Connie’s gonna kill me for runnin’ my mouth—“

“Talk, Murphy,” Javi demanded, his eyes turning into daggers as he tried hard not to kill the messenger. With a sigh, Steve hung his head and gave in.

“They’re goin’ down there because Lorraine’s agreed to do the surgery on Mickey,” he said, watching as Javi’s eyes widened, his breath stilling for a moment before he stood up and fished out a bill to leave as a tip for the food he never got around to ordering. “Jav? Where the hell are you goin’?”

“I’m going to go call my girlfriend and ask her if she’s lost her mind,” he said, his jaw clenched as his brain forced him to overthink every possibility of how this procedure could go wrong.

He knew Lucky wasn’t stupid enough to believe that this surgery would end any other way than with her best friend dead on the table, her baby likely too premature to be spared. And yet, for some inexplicable reason, she still proceeded with this irresponsible plan and lied to him to assure he wouldn’t intervene.

How out of her mind was she?

It was a quick drive home with the way Javi was speeding and weaving through traffic, his heart pounding in his chest even as he stepped inside his home, disregarding McCartney to make a beeline for the landline that hung in his kitchen. Dialing up her hotel that she called him from the night prior—the memory of her lies about their plans for shopping and relaxing making his chest tighten all the more—he discovered from the woman at the front desk that she had left early this morning with her “pregnant friend”.

“Fuck,” he growled, slamming the phone against the receiver.

After gathering his wits a bit more, he decided there was only one thing to do. He needed to drive up to Dallas and be there for Lucky—after he did some yelling, of course—so that no matter the outcome, she’d have someone to carry the weight of her grief.

“Macca, you up for a little road trip?” Javi asked, squatting down to scratch behind the pup’s ears. “Come on, let’s go pack.”

“Alright,” you took a deep breath, squeezing Mickey’s hand as she laid on her gurney, prepped and ready for surgery. “This isn’t goodbye because you’re making it out. Alive.”

“Not entirely up to me,” she said.

“No,” Lorraine walked into the room in her scrubs, her hair out back in her scrub cap. “It’s up to me. And I’ve got this handled, alright? No goodbyes.”

You swallowed your dislike for her and offered her an appreciative smile before leaning down to hug Mickey in a rare display of affection.

“Love you, Mick.”

“Love you,” she said, rubbing your back. “But if something does happen—“

“Stop saying that—“

“If it does, and my baby survives…I want you to help Rich. I know he’s an ass—“

“Shh,” you shushed her, shaking your head and giving her a small smile. “Say something nice about him so that those aren’t your last words.”

“His dick is huge.”

“Gross, but there you go,” you laughed. “Alright, good luck. I’ll be here when you wake up.”

“Can’t wait to rub it in Peña’s face.”

“Excuse me,” Javi stood in front of the counter at the hotel you and Mickey were staying in, McCartney glued to his side with a tight leash.

“Hello, how can I help you, sir?”

“I don’t have a reservation or anything, but was hoping you had any rooms available?” he asked, his fingers dancing nervously against the wooden countertop as the young woman searched the system.

“Yes, it looks like we have a double and a king room, which would you like?”

“Uh, the king works,” he said, reaching into his back pocket to tug out his wallet.

“Javi?” His head whipped around at the sound of your voice, his heart pounding in his chest as you looked at him so nervously he thought you might faint. “What, uh, what are you doing here?”

The woman behind the counter seemed to misconstrue the scene before her as something more scandalous than it was, her throat clearing as she asked Javier whether or not he’d still like a room.

“No, he’s with me,” you said, meeting him halfway across the space between you. Dropping down, you gave your pup a couple gentle scratches before standing up and looking into Javi’s eyes. “What are you doing here?”

“I know,” he said, trying to keep his voice from shaking as he watched you try and play clueless. Using your name, an occurrence that was so rare it almost knocked you on your ass, he tipped his head towards the elevator. “Come on, let’s go talk.”

“Jav—“

“No,” he shook his head, his jaw clenching as he avoided your eyes and walked forward to the elevator. Once the two of you were inside and left alone, he shook his head and let out a deep sigh. “You lied to me. You never lie to me.”

“I know,” you sighed, feeling your pulse throb in your neck. “I just…I knew—“

“You knew I’d fucking stop it,” he snapped, shooting you a stern glare. “Because that’s what a responsible care provider would fucking do.”

“Lorraine says—“

“Lorraine has a fucking ego and is determined to get published, even if it means her mortality rate takes a fucking hit,” he seethed, looking away from you. “God, how fucking stupid—“

“Javi,” you scolded, hurt by his words and tone. “Believe it or not, I do not make Mickey’s decisions. She is a grown woman who set this up on her own and did her own fucking decision making. Not me.”

“No, you just lied to your boyfriend about it.” Scoffing, you shook your head and faced forward as the doors opened up to your floor. You headed out first, Javi and McCartney following behind down the long, silent hallway until you were unlocking your room.

“I lied because there is an ego involved here, but I’m not sure it’s Lorraine’s.”

“Me? You think I’m pissed off because it’s not me doing the surgery?” he snapped before letting McCartney off his leash so he could roam around the room. “I don’t give a fuck who does the surgery! I care about—“ He let out a huff of frustration as he took in your meek stature, the guilt in your eyes as well as the worry. Softening his stern expression, he walked over to the foot of the bed and sat down with his head in his hands. “I care about you.”

“I have nothing to do with this—“

“The fuck you don’t,” he said, turning to look at you as you sat down beside him. “You’ve lost so much already. I don’t…this will ruin you, and that will ruin me.”

You swallowed every comeback and argument you had prepared as you saw the tremble in his hands, the frantic anxiety in his eyes. Reaching your hand over, you rubbed his back and leaned your head against his shoulder.

“I didn’t come here to fight. I came here because if this goes the way I think it will—and god, I hope I’m wrong—I needed to be here for you so that you…so that you didn’t do anything, I don’t know…permanent.”

“Jav.” You moved to stand in front of him, your hands cupping his cheeks as you lifted his eyes to meet yours. “Jav, I’m worried. I’m so worried. But I would never, ever, leave you alone in this world. Do you hear me? Never.”

Javi nodded, his eyes batting shut as your thumbs stroked over his cheeks. “I know, I just…I worry so much about you. It’s all I fucking do. And this…it’s so fucking risky.”

“But it’s her only shot at more time,” you said, moving to sit on his lap. “And I’m selfish and I want more time with her. I…want her to stay around. I want to believe that this will work out, that I’ll get to see her become a mom and live a long, happy life. And I know I fucked up by lying to you, but…I just didn’t want to hear how unlikely it was that any of that would happen from you again.”

“She’s in surgery?” he asked, pressing his lips against your shoulder.

“Yeah,” you nodded. “I just came back because I forgot my book.”

“Well,” he turned to look at McCartney. “You gonna be good and hold down the fort, kid?”

“Did you even bring his—“

“Food, toys, blanket? All in my bag.” Tapping your hip, he let you climb off his lap before walking over to get everything set up for McCartney while you looked on with adoring eyes. “Alright, Macca. M’trusting you to not bark, okay?”

“You don’t have to wait with me at the hospital,” you said, packing your book in your bag. “It’s going to be brutal.”

“No, I’m gonna be there with you, good or bad,” he said, holding his hand out for you to take. You smiled, slipping your palm against his and allowing him to tug you into his arms for a tight hug, his lips pressed to the side of your head. “I love you, Lucky, but please don’t lie to me again. I want us to stay honest with each other, because when we’re honest, we don’t fight. Everytime one of us lies, the shit hits the fan.”

“I know, you’re right,” you sighed, squeezing him tighter. “No more lying.”

After a long day of waiting, Lorraine finally came out to update you and Javi on the surgery, waking you up from the nap you were taking on Javi’s lap.

“Everything went perfectly,” she said, ignoring Javi as he sat reading beside you, the two of them seemingly content with pretending the other didn’t exist. “I was able to remove the entire thing, but I’m sure you’re aware that we won’t know the real state of things until she wakes up.”

“Thank you,” you said, your voice laced with exhaustion as you wiped your eyes. “Do you have any guess as to when she’ll be awake?”

“We’re going to keep her asleep and resting throughout the night, so if everything goes as expected, she’ll be awake in time for visitors tomorrow morning,” she said, flickering her eyes to Javi. “You know, I’m surprised you’re being so silent.”

“You know the risks,” he said flatly, not looking up at her as he turned the page of his book.

“And you have nothing to say?” she asked, causing Javi to sigh.

“No,” he shrugged, meeting her eyes. “As long as you did your job well and saved our friend's life…I don’t care.”

You felt a smile growing on your face at his growth over the course of just a few months and pride swelling in your chest at his ability to brush off her taunting with maturity.

“Well,” she said, standing up and looking at you. “I’ll, uh, page you if there’s anything that comes up. Otherwise, I’d urge you to go back to your hotel and get some rest. Tomorrow is going to be quite a big day for Dr. Brown, she’ll need all the support she can get.”

“Thank you,” you said, watching her walk off before turning to Javi. “It worked, Javi. It really worked.”

“We don’t know that,” he started, but quickly reeled in his negativity. “You know what? You’re right. The surgery worked, that alone is a success. Everything else…is just a matter of support.”

“Thank you,” you gave him an adoring frown as you leaned in to kiss his cheek. “I’m so glad you came down here. I’m not sure I’d be able to sleep tonight if it wasn’t for you being here.”

“Anytime you need me, anywhere, for anything, I will be there,” he said, intertwining your fingers with his and squeezing. “Things are easier for both of us when we’re together.”

“I want it to always be like this,” you said, hugging his arm and resting his head on your shoulder. “I’m sorry I almost fucked it up.”

“You didn’t,” he assured, kissing the crown of your head. “I was planning on giving you the silent treatment for a while, but never even considered not being with you. It would take a lot more than taking your friend to a life saving surgery to get me to leave you, and even then, I’m not sure I could stay away.”

Smiling you lifted your head to kiss his cheek again, so full of love and admiration for him that you nearly ached.

“I love you, Lucky,” he said, meeting your eyes. “Let’s go get some sleep, huh? Maybe blow off a little steam?”

Chuckling, you nodded your head and allowed him to pull you out of your seat, tucking yourself beneath his arm.

“Love you more, Dr. Daddy.”

After stuffing yourselves to the brim with tacos and taking McCartney out for a long walk after dark at a wonderfully landscaped park that looped around a shimmering lake, you and Javi found yourselves cuddled up in bed, too tired to do anything but cuddle while the hotel TV played Happy Days reruns.

“You’re kind of Fonzie-esque,” you noted, hearing him chuckle, his laugh puffing against the top of your head as it rested against his chest.

“Shut up,” he said, his tone light with amusement.

“Oh, he denies it,” you mumbled to yourself, earning another laugh. “I wouldn’t be surprised to find that a young Javi stayed up watching this shit, hoping one day he’d be as cool as the Fonz.”

“Did my dad tell you that?” he asked with an embarrassed lilt to his voice, making your head lift so that you could meet his eyes.

“Oh my god, did I guess right?” Javi blushed and shrugged, failing to conceal his bashfulness. “Javi Fonzarelli Peña.”

Rolling you onto your back, he slotted his hips between yours and propped himself up on his hands, staring down at you with a dimpled smile.

“You know, since we’re being honest now, I guess there has been something I’ve been keeping from you,” he said, watching as your eyebrows laced together. “You know how I said I never wanted to get married, have kids, all that shit?” You nodded, feeling your chest tighten with a mixture of hope, affection, and worry at what he’d say next. “I guess I haven’t been lying, because it doesn’t…before you, I certainly didn’t want to, and even now, if you didn’t want those things, I’d be okay with it. But…every time I look at you lately, all I can think about is spending my life with you, having a kid with you if the time is right, building a family—“

“Javi—“

“And I don’t want you to think I’m trying to pressure you into anything, because I know that having a kid is an entirely different ballgame for you than it is for me, so whatever you want to do,” he said, interrupting your second attempt at speaking with a soft kiss. “But I wouldn’t be honest if I said the thought of you and I having a family at some point hasn’t been stuck inside my head ever since my cousin’s wedding.”

Smiling, you reached a hand up to cup his face, your fingers lightly scratching at his beard.

“I never thought I’d want any of that,” you said, watching as he swallowed his feelings down and nodded. “But I’d be lying if I said I hadn’t daydreamed about all of that, too.”

“Yeah?” he asked, his voice cracking with vulnerability.

“Yeah,” you nodded, feeling your smile grow even wider at the sight of his dimples showing. “And while I can’t promise you a kid or anything yet, I can promise you that if you ever asked me to marry you, I’d say yes.”

Javi grinned as he leaned in to kiss you slowly, his hands roaming up and down the side of your body before he pulled away just enough to mumble against your lips.

“Marry me,” he said, making you laugh.

“No.”

“But you promised—“

“I did, but I also think I deserve an actual proposal with a ring and all that,” you said, kissing him. “Don’t you think?”

“I do,” he smiled, nuzzling his nose against yours. “What kind of ring do you want, then? Something big?”

“No, I’ve already got something big,” you giggled, rolling him onto his back to straddle his hips before running your palm over his bulge just to feel it swell. “I want something simple, something you pick out because it makes you think of me.”

“Mmkay,” he hummed as you leaned over to kiss him. “I’ll get to work on planning, then.”

“And it better be a surprise,” you added with a smile.

“Well, you can’t go snooping around then,” he countered. “Gotta let me plan in peace without sticking your nose in my business.”

“Fine.”

“Fine,” he repeated, holding his pinky out. “No snooping and no spoiling the surprise.”

“No snooping and no spoiling the surprise,” you promised with a smitten smile. “I love you, Javier. Seriously.”

“And I love you,” he said your name. “Seriously.”

[ghostly-wisp]

HEARTLESS 💔 - PART FIVE

Agent Whiskey (Jack Daniels) x f!reader

Summary: Jack regrets treating you so bad lately after he learned you cried because of him, but he doesn't know how to handle the situation at all

(This is the fifth part of the HEARTLESS 💔 series)

• PART ONE | PART TWO | PART THREE |

PART FOUR

Warnings: angst, hurt, fluff (because Wyatt is the cutest child in the whole world), asshole! jack, mom!reader

A/N: I don't know what to think... Jack is overall a dick, but he wasn't that bad in this one, i really don't know what you will all think of this chapter besties ❤️

2.8k words

Friday night came without warning and with that, it just dragged your heart around. You still hadn't wrapped your head around the fact Jack had managed to blackmail you into going to the ranch after pulling the extremely cowardly card of bringing lawyers into the games. 

You knew the court wouldn't side with Jack, not in a normal situation at least, but the expenses of having to hire a lawyer to defend your cause, plus the drama Wyatt would be brought into would be too traumatic for him. He was so little and so innocent, he didn't deserve to find out his dad had left him, and then suddenly decided to come back and now he was going to try to take him away from his mommy.  

And because he wasn't just a regular man with a regular job, he was an agent. He worked for one of the biggest agencies in the world, and you didn't know until what extent that went, but you figured it would be very easy for him to influence a judge for instance. There were too many possibilities and you were not willing to risk your son in a situation like that. He was your everything, the little one you loved the most in your life, you felt a kind of love you thought wasn't even possible to feel. Before your son was born, you thought the love you felt for Jack was the most intense feeling you'd ever experienced, which was, it was a romantic feeling, it swept you off your feet and you knew that even if you found love again, it wouldn't compare to what you felt for that asshole of a cowboy. But the love you felt for your son was almost blinding, you couldn't even imagine yourself losing the right to see him every day, it hurt you to even consider such a possibility, and that was why you would have to submit to Jack's will at least for the moment. 

You finished packing your bag for the weekend and placed it right next to your son's, which had been done with his help, two days earlier, because your boy couldn't control his excitement. As much as you were tense and scared of what would happen on the ranch, you were also glad to see your son's happiness. You were both incredibly happy and also broken to see he was indeed a little cowboy at heart, just like his dad. 

You sighed and began putting the things you didn't pack away, stopping as you found your memory box inside of your wardrobe, knowing exactly what it was inside of it. Your heart raced and it wasn't a good idea to take a look at it, but you couldn't fight your feelings any longer, so you dragged it over your bed and opened it. 

There were so many pictures in it, pictures of you as a kid, your family, your life and pictures of the ranch and the cowboy you loved once so much. Technically Jack should avoid being caught on cameras, as this could be harmful to his job as a secret agent, not that it mattered, you never really understood how he could work as an agent, there was nothing discreet about him, he was a cowboy for god's sake, he drew everyone's attention in the room, but still, rules were meant to be obeyed. However, Jack never said no to you, and that included pictures. He never resisted your cute polaroids, you just loved clinging to him and snapping your pics together. 

You had pictures of the ranch, the little animals and of course pictures of you Jack. You had a sad smile as you watched them, one by one, being taken by so many memories, so much happiness you had felt at those moments. 

You only realized you were crying when your sight got blurry and one tear fell onto the picture, you quickly wiped it, not wanting it to be ruined and when Wyatt walked into your bedroom for the third time that night. He just couldn't help himself and he was so excited he had to snuggle you. He quietly walked to your bed, his curious eyes scanning you, tilting his head "why awe you cwying, mommy?" He asked innocently and you sniffed, drying your tears and shaking your head. You lifted your son up, helping him in bed, next to you, and showed him the picture. He smiled sweetly as he saw you, his tiny finger stroking your image in the picture with affection. Wyatt loved his mommy with all his heart. 

But then something caught his attention, the man that stood next to you in the frame, even if he had the stetson and the sunglasses on, the little boy was able to recognize him anywhere 

"Cowboy, mama!!!" He said with a giggled and then frowned "whewe's Wyatt?" He pouted and you bit your lips "you were just a tiny little bean in mama's womb when I was friends with the cowboy" you said and saw as your son nodded. You didn't know if he was able to put the information together, but he didn't say anything at all, he just smiled "cowboy my fwiend too!" He giggled and you snuggled him closer. 

You felt you couldn't hold back the emotion in you and let out your tears, just as Wyatt got distracted with the other pictures of the ranch. He loved seeing the animals, and the flowers and it just made him happier and happier to know he was going to visit his cowboy friend. 

When he looked up at you, he saw your tears and widened his big brown eyes "don't cwy mommy, pwease" he said sweetly and snuggled into you.

You held him closer and you didn't even notice when he fell asleep, you were too far deep in your memories, knowing you would never be as happy as you were one day, because you would never have Jack with you. Not the Jack you loved at least, because the one you were going to meet in a few hours could never be the same man that stole your heart. 

       •••

Jack paced his kitchen nervously, he was anxious and eager to see his son. A part of him still doubted you would show up with Wyatt, as much as he persuaded you to come by not playing fair, he still worried in his heart that he wouldn't see his son. And he'd been looking forward to it the whole week, it was just so hard not to stop by your apartment every single day to see him, be welcomed by his sweet face, his adorable voice and giggles and his expressive eyes that would never deceive Jack's paternity. 

Helen sighed "Jack, I'm trying to finish these cupcakes for your boy and you are getting in the way, soon enough Y/N will be here and I can't wait to see my little boy" she said excitedly and earned herself a frown

"Your boy?" 

"Yeah, you know damn well he is like a grandson to me, just as you are like a son to me, when you aren't being unbearable" the older woman said. She'd been working for Jack as his housekeeper on the ranch ever since he bought it, being at least a good twenty years older than him, she immediately took a liking to him in a maternal way. After she learned about his loss, she made sure to dedicate him her time just as she would to her own kids, as if his own kids had done something horrible, she felt so disappointed when he kicked you out while pregnant and never went after his son. Helen didn't know what had changed, and if she had to guess, she thought Jack himself probably didn't know what had changed, but she was happy, because she was going to see you again and meet your little boy. 

He checked the table Helen had set for you and Wyatt and bit his lip, she could see he was tense and walked to him, placing her hand on his shoulder "they're gonna be here soon, don't worry about it" Helen reassured him and smiled as the two of them could hear the sound of a car approaching.

"Told you" she said excitedly and went outside. 

Wyatt was too excited and couldn't even control how his little heart raced as he was still trapped by the safety belt. 

"Huwy mommy!!! I wanna pway!" He whined and as soon as you helped him off, he ran to Jack, squealing excitedly and opening his arms to him. Jack's excitement was also visible, he lowered himself to welcome his boy, but Helen was faster, being so eager to meet him. She wrapped her arms around him and lifted him up, making your own heart flutter to see how much she cared about your son. 

Wyatt was a little confused at first, but he giggled and looked at the woman 

"Hi, I Wyatt!" He said sweetly and looked at her, but Jack was faster and picked him up 

"Let me talk to my beautiful boy!" He tickled his tummy as his son wrapped his arm around his neck 

"Hi cowboy!" He giggled adorably and stared at him with the same eyes Jack saw every day in the mirror.

Helen immediately wrapped her arms around you, excited to see you after the years and showering in compliments, you felt your heart warming, seeing her made you feel so glad, but then Jack walked to the two of you, only nodding his head at you. 

When everyone was back in the kitchen, Jack placed Wyatt comfortably on his lap, as he showed him all the food they could have for breakfast. The man cleared his throat and looked at you 

"Join us Y/N, you must be hungry too" he said coldly and you nodded, Helen could see the tension between the two of you was thick enough she could cut with it a knife, but Wyatt was innocent, he smiled big at you and pointed at the beautiful cake "chocolate cake, mommy! Can I have it pwease?" He gave you the puppy eyes and you nodded at him, Jack looked at the little boy and smiled "do you like this one, little man? It's my favorite too!" He tickled his tummy once more, loving his beautiful sweet little laugh. 

You only sipped your orange juice but didn't feel like eating anything at all, as being back at that house was causing you a big wave of emotion; it'd been your home once, you'd wake up everyday and have breakfast there with your boyfriend, or late at nights when you would have a quickie with him, pressing against the kitchen counter. 

You blushed softly as you thought of that and saw Jack was staring at you, he had asked you a question but you hadn't heard it as you were too deep in thought 

"I told you you can take the guest room down the hallway upstairs, you know where it is" he instructed and you nodded, excusing yourself as you didn't feel hungry at all, and thankfully, Jack gave you the perfect excuse to stay away from him. How convenient, you thought to yourself. 

You thanked Helen for the amazing breakfast though you hadn't eaten anything, but you could tell by the way your son chewed his food enthusiastically he was enjoying it for the both of you.

You quickly observed Jack handling Wyatt's food and thought it was quite interesting he wasn't so clueless about taking care of a child, maybe he was making an effort after all. 

You told your son you would organize the bedroom and he nodded, turning his attention back at the man. 

Jack made sure to pay attention to him, answer his silly questions and show Wyatt he was having a great time with him, until his son sipped his juice so he would wash down the food and place his small hand on his big one.

"Mommy was cwying last night" he said innocently, not understanding that maybe he shouldn't talk about personal things like those. Jack raised his eyebrow curiously at Wyatt and wanting to know more about it. 

"Was she? And why was that?" 

"Because of cowboy" he shrugged simply "cowboy and mommy wewe fwiends" he added and in his childish way told Jack about the pictures his mommy kept, about the animals he'd seen in them and how mommy had told him she used to be friends with the cowboy but they weren't anymore. 

Jack took a deep breath, he tried to seem unbothered by it, but he felt a pit of guilt in his stomach, he had no idea you'd keep your pictures together, he'd figure you would've erased every single trace of him from your life, but apparently you hadn't. Jack sighed as he thought that maybe he shouldn't have been so harsh on you, maybe he should have been loving, sweeter, he should have fallen to your feet and begged you for forgiveness, that would've been better than calling you a bitch. 

"Helen, can you stay with Wyatt and make sure he gets another slice of cake? I gotta check on Y/N really quick.." he asked the woman, who was more than happy to spend time with the adorable little boy. 

Jack assured him he'd be back soon and ran upstairs as fast as he could, walking through the hallway and finding you inside of the guest room. 

You were unpacking Wyatt's bag and placing his clothes inside the drawers, Jack wanted to tell you to stop, as he had prepared a surprise for you and Wyatt, Jack had turned one of the empty rooms into a beautiful bedroom for his son. He'd picked the decoration himself, everything full of farm animals and other things he thought his son might like it and he would keep it a surprise until it was bedtime, so he'd let his son decide if he wanted to sleep with his mom or by himself in his bedroom, like a baby boy, even if he wasn't sure Wyatt would sleep alone in a different house. 

But he stopped himself and only watched you. 

You looked so beautiful while doing something so simple such as folding some clothes, Jack felt his cold stone heart yearning for something he forced himself to pretend he didn't want anymore. 

He took off his hat and held it in his hand and walked inside

"Y/N?" He asked in a low voice, even if it wasn't his intention, he startled you and you jumped a little, turning to him and feeling anxious. You were mentally preparing yourself to spend the whole weekend next to the man that broke your heart, you knew eventually you'd have problems, you just didn't want it to be less than an hour after you arrived. 

"What do you need, Jack?" You asked him, as you saw him approaching you. His eyes scanned you shamelessly, he looked at your face, down your body and saw you hadn't aged a day, though you still managed to look more beautiful than before. Your body was looking gorgeous as ever and at that moment no matter how much he'd lied to himself over the years, he would give up everything to run his hands down your curves. He was at a loss of words at that moment, placing his hat on the bed and taking a step closer 

"I'm sorry… about how I treated you, sugar, I really regret it" he said and looked into your eyes, but it wasn't enough, you needed to know what he meant and how much he meant it, so Jack's hand got on hips quickly, pulling you to him and before you could react to anything, his lips met yours in a needy kiss. 

He was finally kissing those beautiful lips years later after making you go away, it felt to him he had returned home, at the same time it also felt not a day had passed after your last kiss. He was so glad in to be kissing you he barely noticed your hands pushing him away at the same time you managed to break the kiss.

You wiped your mouth as he took a step back and the next thing he felt was your hand on his cheek, a slap strong enough its sound echoed through the room. 

"What the fuck do you think you're doing, Jack?" You raised your voice, furious to have been kissed by him, as he held the part of his face you'd slapped him as hard as you could, finally placing his hand down, you could see the redness and your handprint on his skin.

_____

A/N: idk besties, he deserved the slap, but the kiss 💋🔥🔥🔥🔥

[ghostly-wisp]

we’re writing R*PE FICS NOW y’all ?!?? are you for fucking real ?!?? THIS IS WHAT WE’RE DOING NOW ????? i beg you to keep that shit off of my feed for the love of GOD. r*pe isn’t some silly dark romance trope ?? like i literally do not get why anyone would want to read that ??? especially knowing that the majority of women/female presenting/identifying people have experienced some form of sexual trauma !!! wtf has happened ???!?!

edit: so many people i’m following seem to be into this trope, and while i don’t hold any hard feelings towards anyone, i need to protect my own mind and heart so i will be unfollowing anybody who i see reblogging these types of fics solely because i cannot keep seeing these triggers on my feed. please do not take it personal. i am a victim of r*pe and sa and would rather my happy place (this hellsite) to be free from any reminders of those events. sorry and thank you for reading.