how-tf-do-i

[how-tf-do-i]

How TF do I... not lose my cool when someone rages at me?

Anger is a normal human emotion. When I say rage, I don’t mean anger. Anger is often justified and the mind’s way of distracting from the hurt the heart is feeling. When I say rage, I mean when someone snaps either because they didn’t get something they want, aren’t receiving special treatment, or not being ‘respected’ by someone who they perceive to be lesser than themselves. Anger results when someone puts their wants above your needs or the rules.  Rage occurs when someone is unhappy that you have prioritized your needs or the rules over their wants. 

I know I’ve gotten very philosophical about anger vs rage. This is because today I was ‘raged’ at by an angry customer at my minimum wage summer job, because I told her I could not make a return because she did not have her receipt, the card used to make the purchase, or any proof of transaction on file (both in our system and their’s). I believe a direct quote at full volume in a crowded store was “I don’t think there is a breakdown in communication. I think that girl isn’t listening and instead giving me attitude.” Dear readers, no attitude was given and I was indeed listening. I was listening to a 25 year old woman have a temper tantrum in a store like a toddler. But, I kept my cool. And afterwards my manager told me that I followed procedure and that it was surprising that I kept my cool. So below, I’ve got some tips on how to keep your cool while someone is raging at you.

1) Don’t raise your voice or let yourself be visibly angry: You being angry will not solve the problem. If anything, it will make the rager believe that they’re rage is acceptable as “He/She/They were raging at me first!” Its very hard express a strong emotion like rage when the other person is emotionally distant. This is called the ‘Grey- Rock’ method. It is most commonly discussed as a way to deal with emotional manipulators, though I’ve found it also works on ragers. If you do not engage with the rager, they receive no satisfaction from their actions and will eventually leave you alone. I’m not saying agree with the rager. I’m saying don’t get emotionally invested in the argument. 

2) Don’t agree with the rager:  This builds off of number 1.  Agreeing with the rager only makes them feel more justified. Don’t say, ”You are right” unless they are actually right. But don’t say, “You are wrong” because that puts you in a defensive position. There are ways to say “You are wrong” without actually saying those words. What I said during my confrontation was “I’m sorry you feel that way. Let’s look at other options.” This was a good response because its a negative response with an apologetic tone. Also this option offers a solution, so if a superior were to get involved, you would have evidence of trying to resolve the conflict by yourself. 

3) Get backup if needed: One of my coworkers intervened to try and diffuse the situation and when the rage persisted, my manager intervened. Basically, have people back you up as additional support and as a tactic to get the rager’s attention off of you and you alone.  Also, if multiple people are unable to quell the rager, power up and get a supervisor or someone in power involved. That’s an easy way to a) divert the rager further b) end the rage once and for all. 

Hopefully these tips helped! LMK if you have any questions and gimme your suggestions for new “How TF...”

See ya!

Lil

#rage #new blog #f4f #advice #how tf #customer service #nightmare #conflict resolution

[how-tf-do-i]

How TF do I... write a letter of recommendation[for myself or others]

Hi there! Have you ever asked a teacher or boss for a letter or recommendation only to have them turn around and ask you to write one for yourself, claiming its a way to self-evaluate? No, is it just me then? Anyhow, I was asked to write a letter of recommendation for myself and I found it super challenging. As a human, its not the norm to be overconfident or braggy about your abilities, which is why talking about yourself is so challenging. 

But that is exactly what you must do when writing a letter of recommendation for yourself! Because if you don’t brag about yourself, who will? The person told you to write your letter and they’ll ‘sign off on it’ clearly won’t be bragging about you, otherwise they would have written the letter of recommendation for you! Below, I have amassed the steps that I have found crucial to an excellent and unique letter of recommendation for yourself! 

1) Traditional letter heading rules:  On the right alignment, write your supervisor’s name, address, email, and/or phone number, each on their own line. Its important to include this information because, say the hiring manager at the company you are trying to work at has questions about your letter of recommendation? In order to ask those questions, they need your supervisor’s contact info. Include the date below your supervisor’s information, also right justified. On the left alignment, repeat the previous steps, but for the hiring manager/point of contact. This is mostly just to be polite.   

2) Address the letter to the hiring manager/point of contact in the format of ‘Dear Mr./Mrs./Ms./Mx./Dr./Sgt. etc...’ depending on their pronouns or status. 

3) The first sentence should state the 3 Ws, who this letter is being written for (ie you) , which position are you applying for at the company, and what company/branch of the company/location you are applying to work at. As this is not a personal narrative this and every single sentence in this letter should be written in the third person. The words “I or you should not be used unless you are speaking on behalf of your supervisor/the ‘author’ of the letter!!!”Start a new paragraph after this sentence for easy reading. 

4) The second sentence should also be a ‘stand-alone’ for dramatic effect. In this sentence, you should state how long you have been working for your supervisor. 

5) Sentences 3-6 should be a paragraph detailing your soft skills and how they benefit your current employer/teacher/work. Some examples of soft skill are: good communicator, detail oriented, driven, hardworking, etc..  These are qualities of your personality. 

6) Sentences 7-10 should be a paragraph outlining your hard skills and how they benefit your current employer/teacher/work. This is where you would talk about how you are fluent in a language, can code, have done research. An easy way to differentiate between a hard and soft skill is as follows.... if you have received training in a skill, it is a hard skill.  You can be hardworking without training, you can’t speak French without training, unless you are from France or a French speaking country or family in which case, Bonjour! 

7) Sentences 11 -13 should be where you discuss your character. Are you a team player? YOU BET YOUR ASS YOU ARE! Basically, this is where you politely tell the hiring manager that you aren’t a jerk. Now, you might be tempted to fill your letter with all of your skills, but remember this isn’t your resume!  Letters of recommendation are supposed to be well rounded and show who you are as a whole. You would want to hire someone who’s boss called them a ‘valuable employee and a team player’ wouldn’t you??

8) Sentences 14-15 should restate that your supervisor would recommend you to the new job (name the new job in this sentence) and that you are a valued member of their team. 

9) Sentence 16 should be an offer to elaborate on any details of the letter/your work from your supervisor.  Basically the “Direct any questions to me” sentence. 

10) Sign off the letter with “Sincerely, Regards, etc.” Don’t get too personal with it. This is essentially two strangers talking to each other about a mutual contact. 

So, this was both my first post (Yay!) and a comprehensive guide on how to write a letter of recommendation. If you have any questions or any suggestions for tomorrow’s ‘How TF...’ message me!

See ya!

Lil

#writing #practical life skill #lifehack #newblog #how tf #letter #letter of recommendation

[how-tf-do-i]

How TF do I...write my first post?

Hello there! Do you often find yourself wondering “How TF do I balance a checkbook?” or “How TF do I get through this terrible blind date?” If so, this is the blog for you!

I’m Lil and I’m a college kid trying to figure out how to grow up and be a functioning adult, or maybe just function. My goal behind this blog is threefold.

1)To figure out how TF to do things that are expected of you as a functioning person.

2) To try some crazy new things that make me think WTF and how TF am I going to do this.

3) To share what I’ve learned so you never have to say “I don’t know WTF I’m doing!” Because let’s face it, no one likes to feel stupid. 

Like Bob, from Bob’s Burgers, I say ‘Oh my god’ all the time, as I am a hot mess surrounded by other hot messes of both my own making and of those around me. Some of those messes happen to be very close friends of mine and I would love to get them involved as well.

So welcome to ‘How TF do I...’  If you have any suggestions feel free to message me! 

Lil

#newblog #how tf do i...