amanda: wow carisi that suit looks so nice, what’s it made out of?
sonny: husband material
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Alex: hey I’m a lesbian
Mon-el: I thought you were American?
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Alex: Maggie, I hope you’re proud of me, I’m sneaking broccoli into Jamie’s Mac and cheese so she doesn’t know she’s eating vegetables, because that’s what parenting is all about; helping your children through lies.
Maggie: well not just our child…
Alex: hm?
Maggie: I’ve been sneaking vegetables into your food for years now, since way before we were married.
Alex:…
Alex: wHAT?!
Alex: I have literally never been angrier at anyone in my life. Walk away Maggie.
Maggie: ok but––
Alex: WALK AWAY! Gertrude, Jamie, attack your Mama!
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Serial killer: What do you want? You want to kill me?
Emily Prentiss: You really think I’m that boring? I’m a woman with far more vision than simple murder.
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Max Lord: What do you want? You want to kill me?
Alex: You really think I’m that boring? I’m a woman with far more vision than simple murder.
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Alex: This date is boring
Maggie: This isn’t a date. I said I was going to the store
Alex: Then why did you invite me?
Maggie: I specifically said “don’t come with me” and then you said “fuck you, I do what I want” and followed me here
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David: so how long have you been sleeping with Mayor Mills?
Emma: That’s disgusting. And wrong. I don’t even get– why would– I’ve never had sex with anyone, anywhere. It’s none of your- you have- the nerve, the audacity, Regina is my boss, technically. And she is terrible, face-wise. And how- how- do I know, frankly, that you’re not sleeping with her? Maybe you are. Maybe you’re trying to throw me off? Hmm check and mate.
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JJ: *in exam chair*
Doctor: so, who are these people?
JJ: *points to Emily* lesbian lover *points to Will* baby daddy
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J'onn: Why is Maggie on the table?
Alex, Kara, Winn, James, Lena [not looking up]: She likes to be tall.
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Snow: Regina! Why are you and Emma so late to family dinner?
Regina: Emma, do you want to tell her…?
Emma: …
Regina: Emma was driving here when I shouted “Emma, deer!” and do you want to tell your mother how you reacted?
Emma: *very quietly* I said, “yes, honey?”
Regina: and then we crashed
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Aubrey: Beca! Why are you and Chloe so late to rehearsals?
Beca: Chloe, do you want to tell her…?
Chloe:…
Beca: Chloe was driving here when I shouted “Chloe, deer!” and do you want to tell Aubrey how you reacted?
Chloe: *very quietly* I said, “yes, honey?”
Beca: and then we crashed
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Cat: you look happy. let me guess, your sandwich fell on the floor and so they gave it to you for free?
Kara: no, can you do that? why doesn’t everyone just drop their sandwiches on the floor?
Cat: I was trying to insult you
Kara: instead you gave me an amazing life hack!
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Alex: Kara, relax, go get a beer.
Kara: I don’t want a beer!
Alex: who said it was for you?
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Alex: okay, how about for a girl, Gertrude?
Maggie: Alex, why do you hate our dog?
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Ava: what do you have?
Sara: a knIFE!
Ava: NO!
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J’onn: Danvers, go home, you’re sick
Alex: no I’m not. Sir if I was sick, could I do this? *stands still*
J’onn: what are you doing?
Alex: cartwheels. am I not doing them?
J’onn: …no
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