ktchen

[ktchen]

Introject heavy culture is always having the urge to tell people that you are that person / character, but you can't without telling everyone you're a system.

#us at work fr #especially bc so mqny coworkers know about a number of our sources #like of course we wont tell them! but like #ugh i wish we could

[ktchen]

Image not made by us, but edited by us

[ktchen]

We showed our roommates the chart and now we're too self conscious to share it haha! I know they were just joking with their responses but like making fun of spike for how many people he's dating? His role in the system has to do with using so much love... One of them called Mal a slut and I KNOW they didn't mean to hurt him but they did! They have no idea what he holds and how much he cares about us all. Like y'all don't think there's a REASON our internal relationships are the way that they are? And each relationship formed organically, out of love and trust and communication. It's not like Mal or spike or anyone is going around like "hmmm who else can I date? Gotta date em all!"

Idk I guess this is a direct result of us being pretty private about system things? Like ... Idk. It's embarrassing. We showed them the chart bc it's too awkward to tell them everytime someone starts dating.... And also frankly it's noones business who is dating who. Like. Idk. We felt very vulnerable in sharing what we did. Like, our relationships are a result of us healing from our traumas. More or less. Of course we don't go into detail about them... We just wanna be able to speak openly about our love.

Just ranting at this point. Because I know they didn't mean it. But they actually have been told about spikes role specifically in relation to past trauma and so it's not fair that they made fun of him for being in healthy happy relationships.... It's being taken very personally.

Like we already have to deal with feeling insecure about our relationships. Not being able to acknowledge them at all with singlets. Feeling the pressure to still date outside the system because to society our relationships aren't "valid". Not that we're opposed to dating someone else it's just like. It would be an addition to the polycule. Not just two single people dating each other. I already have partners and we love each other very much and we understand each other more than anyone ever could. Idk.

Any special relationships within the system?

Yes we have a whole chart on who's dating who. Maybe we will share at a later point after discussing with everyone. The platonic and familial relationships are also very special. We care deeply for each other and that's very extremely special.

#text #feeling defensive! i know we could bring it up to them and theyd understand but this is probably more of an us problem idk #mal is taking the comment towards him particularly hard #like the past two days have been a severe trauma anniversary and that comment just #we wont get into it to give mal space #but just want to honor and communicate that he is hurting

[ktchen]

I want to talk sometimes and to say things without the other ones saying I can't talk about things. They say I'm too little I can't make friends it's not safe. But they say their friends are safe but might not be safe because I'm little it's not fair..... I wanna talk too ......

#text

[ktchen]

Had horrible intrusive thoughts about death but then my first thought was "I hope all our names are on our tombstone" which is a really nice thought. I wouldn't want it any other way. Though I guess it doesn't matter because we'd be dead

#text #not planning on ever dying #i just want all of us to be remembered.....

[ktchen]

you fell in love with your own sadness

[ktchen]

We're like a family... Like a family thatt isn't fucked up like the family we grew up in..... It's nice to not be alone, and be with so many people who care about each other.... We aren't perfect by any means. And things are still difficult. But sometimes it's nice.

Being a system is so doo doo ass sometimes. But sometimes it's pretty nice

#text

[ktchen]

Being a system is so doo doo ass sometimes. But sometimes it's pretty nice

#text

[ktchen]

I keep trying to front and getting too dissociated and switching out again. took me five minutes to even type this post. Bruh

#text #cane #just wanted yo talk about therapyyy #later i guess

[ktchen]

We need to get better at.... Sharing this life. It's not easy to do when so many people front in a day, and more in cocon. The ones who front the most get to do the most stuff, naturally. But many in cocon still want to watch their favorite shows and things like that.... It's hard not to feel ignored when people don't make time to meet your needs. Like we understand how busy we are but couldn't more time be made for others....? Sigh. I know we're doing the best we can but cmon. Ugghhh. It's nice when we share interests. We can't just watch 13 different shows every single day. We just can't. Sigh. And it's also hard for us to play our switch, for those of us who want to play games. Because of chronic wrist pain, back pain, etc. we spend most of our time at home laying down dealing w the pain

#text

[ktchen]

Erm therapy was really good today.... Didn't go super duper in depth about things but did share a lot about multiple things a couple of us have been going through

#text

[ktchen]

Too sleepyyyyyyyy

#text

[ktchen]

Dagou, Burning tears 2021

[ktchen]

[ktchen]

It's been. A long past few weeks

#text

[ktchen]

Okay. We answered all the ones we're gonna answer lol. Helped get our mind off of things. A bit more grounded rn than we were a few minutes ago

#text

[ktchen]

What's something you're grateful for right now?

We are eating goldfish!

#text