literalsandwich

[literalsandwich]

The pinnacle of my parenting career was that time I shoved an uncrustables packet under each titty to thaw them more quickly for my hangry kids.

#parenting #toddler #uncrustables

[literalsandwich]

Puffy vests are so fucking dumb

#vest #vests

[literalsandwich]

I've ghosted every therapist I've ever met, not even physical therapists are safe from me

#mental health

[literalsandwich]

“I’m the Labor Day Fairy and I’m here to teach you the true meaning of collective bargaining.”

[literalsandwich]

Hello we've diagnosed you with lazy fuck stupid head brain. The only cure is to drive out the demons with amphetamines.

Oh, you'd like some amphetamines? Fuck you

#lazyfuckstupidheadbrain #adderal xr #fuck you