lovestraykldz - Tumblr blog

lovestraykldz · 3 years

Text

ily | jisung

summary: do they really mean it when they say they love me? why can’t i believe that they want to help me?

𝙞 𝙡𝙤𝙫𝙚 𝙮𝙤𝙪

rain knocks on the windows sweetly as the night grows. his back against his shared room door, tears fall silently. he quietly heaves, trying desperately to breathe without anyone hearing his cries.

he can hear their voices outside, not talking about him but the voice in his head convinces him they are. “stop,” he whispers carefully.

footsteps near his door, stopping just before it. a knock sounds. he inhales heavily and does his best to keep his voice from quaking. “yeah?” he calls.

silence plays for a moment before the doorknob shakes and now he begins to shake. fear strides gallantly through him, pulling his arms tightly to himself. “jisung,” the boy outside calls, his voice growing worried.

jisung’s breath falters and his throat tightens, his hands shake, his legs weaken, and the thoughts in his mind race each other.

the tears move quickly and intricately as if the music they dance to had gone intense. his cries sound now, just enough for someone sitting outside to hear. knocks begin to raise in number as his shaking worsens, his thoughts racing faster than ever.

“jisung,” the boy outside now sounds distressed. more footsteps come near.

and if he hadn’t knocked so loudly, they wouldn’t have noticed. do they really mean it when they say-

“stop,” he cries, his voice heard by those outside. knocks become pounding fists and he can’t help but curl in, hiding his face between his knees and letting his tears wet his caramel skin.

the lock undoes and the door pushes open. he wishes he could have shot up and locked the door once more, but his thighs would have failed him and let him fall.

he feels a hand pet his head, slowly stroking his hair to the side, away from his eyes. “jisung,” the boy inside sighs in a voice coated in honey. he turns his head to see the boy moving his hair, tears falling and no emotion visible in his eyes.

“chan,” he whispers, as if speaking louder would break him apart. chan smiles lightly, hurt showing clearly. jisung does his best to sit up, still panting for air from his ever-closing throat.

his brows turn up and he frowns, crying, “chan.” he wraps his arms around the boy inside and hugs him tight.

chan pets his hair, smoothing the strands carefully as if tugging them slightly would break him apart. “it’s okay, hani,” he whispers into his ear, leaning his head to jisung’s. tears soak into chan’s hooded sweater and his hands smooth over hair strands, soft sobs escaping passed the boy’s lips.

he hugs chan closer, as if it were possible, and sighs heavily. he takes in every kilogram of vanilla scent from chan to help calm himself.

you know .. if he were to leave, you’d be the only broken one.

“stop!” he cries, hugging tighter, his fists gripping chan’s sweater. the boy pulls jisung closer and closer until it can look like they were one. “it’s okay. i’m here. i’ll always be here. i’ve got you,” he reassures jisung again and again.

is he? does he? will he?

“no,” he repeats softly. “stop, please.” he begs the voices to cease, but to no avail. they fall dormant for now, as chan continues to hold and assure jisung.

the boy breathless, lifts his head to see chan’s. they both have tear streaks staining their cheeks. chan wipes jisung’s and places his hand on the boy’s head, tilting it and kissing his forehead.

he catches his breath and whispers thank you, smiling lightly. chan shakes his head, saying he has nothing to thank him for. “please don’t hide away when you’re hurting. you don’t have to say anything, just cry and i’ll hug you.”

chan pauses and fixes another hair strand before continuing. “okay?” jisung nods slowly and goes back into their hug, taking in each centimeter of warmth. he nuzzles his face into chan’s neck, finding peace in the arms of his leader.

“i’m always here to help you,” chan hums, his words muffled by jisung’s oversized sweater. jisung nods and fixes himself in chan’s arms, filling in each empty crevice.

do they really mean it when they say-

they mumble into each other, no secrets from each other, no space from each other.

“i love you.”

☽

!disclaimer!: their love confession is not meant in a romantic way.

#stray kids #skz #han jisung #han #bang chan #bangchan #healing #ff #stray kids ff #skz ff

4 notes · View notes

lovestraykldz · 3 years

Text

yatr | chris

summary: bangchan works late into the night. felix just wants someone to play games with. 𝙮𝙤𝙪 𝙖𝙧𝙚 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙧𝙚𝙖𝙨𝙤𝙣 a knock at his door wakes chan from his late night nap in his studio. “yeah?” he calls, rubbing his eye and stretching his arms. the door opens carefully and felix steps in. chan smiles and greets the freckled sweetheart. “hi, hyung.” felix replies with a smile. “what’s up?” chan asks, twisting in his seat to get a clear look at felix. the boy sits on the couch closest to the door and curls up. “i want to play but no one wants to play with me. they’re all too tired,” he pouts. “it’s kinda late so i’d assume they’re tired,” chan chuckles. felix looks at his hands resting in his lap and picks at the nail polish on his thumb. “i know, but i’m not tired.” chan rolls his way over to felix and strokes the boy’s hair softly, reminding him that the hour is too late to play any games. “you should go get ready for bed. we have an early photo shoot and we need you to be awake,” chan smiles. felix nods sadly, rising from the couch and leaves chan in the studio. he goes back to the song he was working on until his door is knocked on again. “it’s open,” he calls, a bit upset. felix enters, pajamas on. “felix,” chan sighs. “i said to get ready for bed.” felix smiles and replies he is. “i meant to go to bed, as in sleep so you won’t be tired tomorrow.” felix shakes his head slowly and goes to sit on the couch furthest from the door. he curls up and rests his head on the arm of the couch. “felix. you can’t sleep there,” chan says. the boy stands and goes to the other couch. “can i sleep here?” he asks. chan shakes his head and says he needs to go sleep in his own bed. felix disagrees and rests on the couch he’d originally curled in. “felix,” chan says, growingly upset. felix pretends to snore and ignores chan. he can’t do anything to change the freckled boy’s mind, so he decides to make an offer. “felix,” chan asks. he looks up and listens. “come here,” he says softly. “you can sit in my lap until i’m done working. and then we’ll go to bed. okay?” quickly, felix shoots up and fixes himself on chan’s lap. chan pulls him close and twists around to face his computer to continue the song. minutes pass and felix is fast asleep in chan’s arms. an hour goes by and chan’s eyes grow heavy. he sniffles his tiredness and tries to stay up a bit longer to finish. though, he fails and sleeps only minutes after. chan only wakes up when felix begins shaking intensely. “felix?” chan grows worried. he strokes the boy’s head and back, shushing him sweetly. felix suddenly wakes after jolting, panting from the dream. chan takes felix’s face in his hands and looks at him. “hey, are you okay? what’s wrong?” he asks. felix tries to gain his composure but to no avail and begins tearing up. chan takes him in a hug and strokes his head. sniffles fill the room as chan does his best to calm felix down. he continues to hug him close and stroke his head. chan plants a kiss on felix’s head and whispers sweetly, “it’s okay. i got you. okay?” felix simply nods and sniffles. after a few strokes and sweet whispers, chan gets felix back to sleep. he checks the time on his phone and sees it’s already half passed two and decides to head to bed. chan fixes the sleeping boy to hold on and wraps his arms around felix to keep him from slipping. he stands, turns the lights off, and walks out to their dorm’s floor, three flights above. once he reaches the door, he’s greeted by minho who sits at the table with a mug. “what’re you drinking?” chan asks. “milk,” minho replies softly. “can’t sleep?” minho nods, taking a long sip, then asking where he and felix were. “i was working and felix came in. he didn’t want to go to bed so i let him sleep in the studio.” minho nods and motions for the one holding the sleeping boy to go to his room. chan bows lightly and whispers for minho to go to bed soon as they have a photo shoot early in the morning. minho nods and they leave each other. when chan gets to felix’s room, jisung wakes up. “go to sleep. i’m just putting felix to bed.” and with that, jisung goes falls back asleep. chan tucks him in and pets his hair, leaving him to sleep soundly. he goes to his own room, finally, and plops himself in bed. he sighs and within seconds of hitting the sack, he’s knocked out. ☽ chan wakes up to the sound of kitcheree clinking and the smell of eggs cooking. he sits up and realizes he’s still in the same clothes from the night before, changing into his pajamas to not gain upset questions from everyone that’d he’d stayed up too long again. upon entering the kitchen, he’s met with jisung and hyunjin setting the table, minho cooking, and jeongin striding in with an extreme bed head. “morning,” seungmin smiles, coming from the shower. chan smiles and pats the boy’s head before heading to the bathroom. once he’s changed and prepped to go for their photo shoot in two hours, he goes to join everyone in the kitchen for breakfast. felix comes out from his room last and scratches his head. “what time is it?” he asks. changbin answers that he has two hours before he needs to look presentable and felix goes to get ready slowly. breakfast’s eaten, the kitchen’s cleaned, and everyone goes to meet their manager at the lobby an hour before the shoot. as they’re on their way, chan walks behind and counts to be sure no one’s missing, which no one is. they see their manager and quickly head to the shooting site. as each member gets their pictures taken and they all play about until their turns and until they head back, chan sits back. he looks at each of them carefully and can’t help but smile. a flash goes off beside him and he turns, seeing hyunjin with a camera to his eye. “what’re you doing?” he asks. hyunjin brings down the camera to his belly. “taking your picture. you looked really happy.” chan looks down at the floor and smiles. of course he looks happy, because he is happy. he’s looking at the reasons he loses sleep, the reasons he enjoys himself, the reasons he’s still breathing.

#stray kids #skz #bang chan #bangchan #lee felix #lee minho #lee know #lino #seo changbin #hwang hyunjin #han jisung #kim seungmin #yang jeongin #i.n #ff #stray kids ff #skz ff

6 notes · View notes

lovestraykldz · 3 years

Text

icstay | chanlix

summary: it's another fall without him, and felix can't help but continue the habits he's started since the last day with chan. cw: implications of death i can’t stop thinking about you ,, rain taps the windows of the cafe as the door opens every so often; customers ordering, drinking, and leaving. the leaves resting on the cement outside become soaked and more fall from the rain pulling them. autumn’s crisp air visits the cafe with each customer, the place staying warm for only a few moments at a time. another fall without him. it doesn’t surprise me that more people walk in once school hours end. the shop is pretty well known around seoul as the menu doesn’t have much of a limit to it. he actually introduced me here our first year of high school. i take a sip of my earl grey tea and finish my coffee cake. outside, a high schooler says something to his friends and drops down to tie his shoe. he stands up and rushes to catch up to them, walking into the cafe seconds later. their group adds to the noise already bustling in the evening rush. i overhear one of them talk about visiting a pc room after they order and they’re all in. “i’m sorry. i can’t.” the others pester him as to why and he says, “my brother just got back home and he said he’s cooking tonight. i’ll go tomorrow.” his friends mutter okays and wave him goodbye as he goes home to his brother. my phone buzzes on the table and i almost feel something. hey, i just came back from uni. do you want to go out for a meal? my treat! i reply with an enthusiastic sure and turn off my phone when he says to meet him outside my complex at 18:00. after an hour or so, the cafe calms and my sister comes over from behind the counter. “hey,” she smiles lightly. i look to her as she sits in the seat beside me. nothing is said for a few moments until she sighs. “i have a date tonight, so,” she pauses, bites her lip carefully and continues. “i won’t be home until late. you don’t have to stay up.” i nod and take the last sip of my earl gray tea, taking it to the kitchen behind the counter. she follows me and asks if i’m mad. i shake my head. “why would i be mad?” the kitchen door opens and her coworker kihyun puts his things away as his shift is finished for the day. he leaves us afterwards and we’re in an awkward silence. “because it’s the fall..” she trails off and i can’t help but make a remark. “it being fall doesn’t mean anything. you find someone when you find them and you don’t let them go until you know. don’t make the same mistake i did.” the air stills and she looks at the floor like it’s the one she’s having a conversation with. i wash the mug and plate and leave them on the rack to dry. i look at the clock and it strikes a quarter to 18:00. “i have to go. have fun on your date. see you tomorrow,” i say and dry my hands, making my way home to change into something a bit more fitting for the occasion. i turn my phone on right before i walk into my apartment and jisung texts me a second later as i’d timed it. i’m downstairs! :) i reply an okay and slip on a pair of jeans, a white tee, my converse, and his hoodie. when i reach the front door of the building, i see jisung whistling and looking around. he sees me walk out and waves with a smile. “hey! how’ve you been?” he asks. i tell him the truth: okay. he nods and smiles as if okay was something spectacular to be. i ask him the same and says he finally got his own apartment and he’s going to adopt a puppy soon. he goes on about his future dog as we make our way to the restaurant. upon entering, the waitress at the front desk asks us how many and jisung answers a table for two. we’re seated after minute and given our menus. “your waiter will be with you soon,” she smiles and walks back to the front. i take out my phone and turn it off, setting it on the table beside my chopsticks. jisung notices and asks. something clicks and i ask myself like the protagonist in a drama, why’d i turn my phone off? “habit,” i answer simply and he nods, almost taking note of it. i stand by my action and keep my phone off but still ask myself why i’d turned it off. “felix,” he calls my name softly. i look up from my menu. “what’re you going to get?” he asks, tilting his head to the waiter waiting for me to place my order. “can i get pork belly and stir-fried rice cake,” i order and jisung follows with his and the waiter takes our menus, saying our orders will be up soon. he looks over at me with a slightly shock and confusion in his eyes. “you like pork belly?” he asks. i nod, asking myself why i ordered pork belly if i was already planning on eating stir-fried rice cake. do i even like pork belly? jisung seems to take note of this too, and he puts it aside bringing up how uni’s going. “it’s good,” i lie. i haven’t gone to classes since two weeks ago. my professors have emailed me saying if i don’t show up next week, they’ll either drop or fail me for the semester. i can’t tell him, though. he’s the only one treating me like i’m not broken and the moment he hears this i know he’ll try fixing it. he sighs, dropping his head and says my name as if i’m a child in trouble by his father. “have you even gone to your classes?” he asks, his eyes are now closed. i hum a yes and he looks up, a bit angered. “felix. please,” his expression goes soft. “tell me the truth. how’s uni? how are you?” he breathes carefully as if his breathing will push his questions to push me off the cliff. suddenly, finally, i feel something. i don’t know what to say. i want to say that uni sucks; that i’m not doing so well; that it’s getting harder to get out of bed again; that i can’t stop ordering the food he ordered on our dates; that i can’t stop turning off my stupid phone becasue without him i have no one i need to text; that all i can smell is his damn cologne; and that all i want to see his stupid face one last time. but all i can do, is cry. i don’t make a sound, and nothing falls, but the tears form heavily. he sees our waiter with the food and asks if we can get it to go. the waiter nods and goes back to place everything in containers. when he comes back with our take-out, jisung pays quickly and we leave. once we reach my apartment, he starts opening the bags. “do you want to watch a movie?” he asks. i agree and put on howl’s moving castle, hiring the volume enough so we can watch it from the kitchen table. once the movie finishes, we get up and i start clearing the table and sink for the night. “hey, jisung,” i mumble. he hums softly in response. i put the dishes down and let the water run as i ask, “how’d you get over minho?” i look over and he has his head down, maybe thinking. he looks up and smiles lightly, “i didn’t. sometimes, you just learn to live with the memories they leave behind. it took me a while to start smiling again,” he pauses and looks down again. “the last year of high school and starting uni weren’t the best. i couldn’t get up; i didn’t want to. all i wore for months was his cardigan he left behind.” jisung sighs and leans against the couch, still smiling softly. “i’d even check my phone a lot; i thought he’d text me or something. don’t even get me started on the pictures,” he chuckles. i let my head down and think, so, i’m never getting over him ,,? “thing is,” jisung continues. “it doesn’t hurt as much as it used to. i know i didn’t lose him like you lost chan. can’t imagine what it’s like.. i’m sorry.” i shake my head, “it’s not your fault.” “it’s not your fault either,” he sighs, standing up. “i should go. it’s getting pretty late. i’ll text you. keep your phone on tomorrow?” i nod with a faint smile and he smiles back, waving and leaving to his place. i’m alone in my apartment for a couple more hours till my sister gets back, so i decide talk as if he’s still here. “hey, chan,” i try to smile. this is stupid.. but it’s all i have. “i hope you made it to the happy place you always told me about.” tears start bubbling up. “i miss you, a lot. i still wear the hoodie you gave me for my birthday. it’s still really soft,” i chuckle lightly. “i hope you’re not mad that i’m using your cologne on the hoodie.” there it is: the first tear i’ve let fall since that day. “i miss you so much, chan. fuck!” i let out, going to the ground. “how can i forget you?! i can’t stop fucking thinking about you!” i try to breathe, and let out one more cry. “i can’t stop thinking about you..” ☽ !disclaimer!: i wrote this without knowing if chan is passed or not, so i myself am not sure what the situation is.

#stray kids #skz #lee felix #bang chan #bangchan #han jisung #lee minho #lee know #minsung #chanlix #mlm #lgbt #gay couple #ff #stray kids ff #skz ff

16 notes · View notes