madelinemaediscovered23

[madelinemaediscovered23]

Oh boy where do I start? Some would say when they hear my story that I was dealt a bad deck of cards from the start. But what most don't understand is that God gifted me a woman who may not have brought me into this world but took the role on to guide me on how to survive this crazy thing we call life and love me through it, even if at times I made it very difficult on her and my dad. She may not have shown it physical at times. And it took me awhile to understand why I deserved the tough love I got over the years and still get today was not them not loving me enough. It was that they loved me enough and that if I was going to survive this crazy world that they had to show tough love so I could gain all of the things a person needs to survive once we are no longer under the care of our parents. I get so many complements of the wisdom that I have and the things I have overcame at the young age of 24 not most can say that they have battled addiction and single motherhood and supporting children I wasn't ready for and the confidence and wisdom I have gained. I am not perfect, but I strive ever day to do my best and to overcome whatever comes my way and honestly without my mom's "tough love" I would not have any of that and I am forever grateful for that. God knew I needed these two in my life or I would not have made. I love you Mom and Dad.

[madelinemaediscovered23]

Mountains to Climb...

"At the top of one mountain is the bottom of another."

Most of the time when I receive comments from people of how proud they are of me I feel an overwhelming guilt. I feel as though I have eliminated the drinking that I have yet to eliminate the characters defects I either developed over my years of use or the ones that I would drink to forget. I feel that I have been at a standstill in my recovery even though I am 9 months sober. A goal I thought was unreachable for myself. Even though I am and super proud of myself for that accomplishment I still feel like I have cheated myself still doing some of the same things I did when I still drank. The top of the first mountain was removing the bottle. The bottom of the next is facing life on life terms and facing them in the truest in your own heart's way. I have dealt with many hurdles in my 9 months of sobriety, but I feel as though I have run around them instead of facing them head on. I did get sober, but I am imperfect, and I honestly can say that I do not try my very best every day. I can no longer afford to lofe life coasting like this. I am faced with going back down the mountain I had just climb or starting to climb the next one... I have fought and battle so many things and I am not giving up now.

[madelinemaediscovered23]

The sick and still suffering....

Never did I ever expect that at only 9 months sober that I would have to conquer the things I have already and stay sober through it. This past month I have noticed myself drifting further and further away from my recovery mindset. One of the biggest warning signs for a relapse is becoming complacent in your recovery when it is very vile that in this simple program is that your recovery comes first before anything else. "Thing you put before recovery you will end you will end up losing"

One thing preached in AA is that "We keep what we have by giving back" I never thought this early in on in sobriety I would be faced trying to guide someone who is still in the madness into recovery. The hardest obstacle of the whole situation for me was how do I help without being an enabler. This has been one of many hard decisions I have had to face. You can do all the research you want and try to find how you can approach this person; however, everyone is different in their own addictions and whether they are truly ready to start taking the steps to a better life. It's scary investing your time, energy, and emotions out there for someone you love but don't trust just yet.

All of our stories are unique, but we all have the one part in our story that is the same that at some point we were/are powerless over drugs and alcohol. Today I had to face the fact that my part in this was not to comfort and coddle this person but to share my expirence strength and hope. What it was like for me in active addiction and what life is like now. As addicts we become accustomed to co-signing one another bullshit and that is a character defect that we have to force ourselves to change if we truly want to help the sick and still suffering.

#obstaclesofrecovery #sickandsuffering #character defects #never lose hope

[madelinemaediscovered23]

"LIFE IS'NT ABOUT FINDING YOURSELF. LIFE IS ABOUT CREATIING YOURSELF." -GEORGE BERNARD SHAW

#inspiration #soberiety #life quotes #self discovery