meowdocrime

[meowdocrime]

Just Say It - Ellie.W x fem!Reader

summary : you knew about Joel saving Ellie but kept it to yourself, one evening she confronts you about it.

warning : angst

You knew the day would come, but you didn’t expect it to come so fast. The sun was setting when you heard that knock on your door. That gut wrenching knock. Opening the door, that’s when you saw a glimpse of her face, she looked like she had been crying for hours and your heart broke a little for her. She stood still on your doorstep, her eyes begging you to say something, to do something right by her so she wouldn’t have to break your heart. You didn’t say anything, you knew what was coming ever since you heard of her running away and you weren’t ready to face it.

“Did you know ?” She muttered, her voice cracking at the thought of your betrayal.

You opened your mouth but you were silent, the guilt stopped your words from coming out. You couldn't even bear to look at her anymore, your eyes drifted from hers, down to your shoes, and she knew.

“Please tell me I got it all wrong. You wouldn’t, right ? You would have told me.” She pleaded.

“Come inside.” You finally spoke up.

“No ! Not until you say it !”

There was a pause, neither of you dared to speak, afraid that the other one might say something beyond repair. You had to tell her the truth, it was too late anyway.

“I did.”

Her breath hitched and she took a step back, you could read the anger on her face but it was soon replaced by dismay. Then, she walked inside your house, slowly sitting down on the couch all whilst contemplating whatever was in her sight. She was deep in thoughts, debating whether to cry, scream, lock herself up in her shed or all of the above. Still at the door, you closed it and dared to get closer to her shaking form.

“How long have you known ?”

Her voice was empty, rid of emotions. How you wished your younger self minded her own business.

“I’m not sure, I heard a conversation between Joel and Tommy and then I guess I knew. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you, I really am, but it wasn’t my secret to tell.” You confessed.

“But I’m your girlfriend, you should’ve told me right away !”

“I wanted to but that wasn’t my business and you were finally starting to feel a sense of normalcy, I couldn’t just fuck that up !”

The atmosphere was heavy and you could feel it, something shifted. You reached out to her.

“Please talk to me…”

“No, I need some time.” She sniffed, never meeting your eyes and you nodded.

———————

After what felt like hours of silence, she got up and headed to the door. You wanted to run after her, take her in your arms and beg her for forgiveness but you decided against it, she had every right to be mad at you. So, you only watched her as she opened the door and stopped before looking back at you.

“I love you but I’m not sure I can do this right now.” She softly let out, her voice so quiet you almost missed it.

“It’s okay, I understand.”

You hated yourself for letting her go so easily but it was the right thing to do. When the door closed, the tears you held back fell from your stinging eyes and you could only whisper, hoping the wind would carry your words to her :

“I love you too.”

#the last of us #ellie x fem reader #ellie the last of us #ellie x you #ellie x reader angst #ellie x reader #ellie williams #joel and ellie #ellie miller

[meowdocrime]

The Most Beautiful Night Of Winter - Ellie.W x fem!reader

Summary : you try to hold her back

Warnings : angst + drinking

The night you lost her was the most beautiful night of winter. You could hear the cold wind whistling in the trees, the soft crunch of the snow under your boots, her laughs. But she wasn’t laughing with you, not anymore. She was laughing with Dina, and you didn’t. Even when you were supposed to laugh with them, you couldn’t. She was always stuck in your mind, asking you what went wrong. When they kissed you, you could only ask yourself what it would feel like to kiss her. Would it feel warmer ? Softer ? Dina would know, you wouldn’t. As you came closer to them, you noticed how the fairy lights complimented her. She looked heavenly, like she never shed blood. She’s beautiful.

“Finally! We were waiting for you. Come sit, you must be cold!” Dina cheered to your dismay, how could you even hate her ?

“Hi Dina.” You greeted over the loud country music. “Sorry, I got caught up in the snow.”

“No worries, as long as you catch up with us.” Her smile could really light up the room.

As she slid a drink in front of you, you couldn’t help but notice how Ellie didn’t even acknowledge you. You took a sip of the beverage, burning down your throat in the process.

“Hi Ellie.”

You hoped the music was so loud that she didn’t hear you. Otherwise, it would mean she was blatantly ignoring you because of her lack of response. You shared a look with Dina who was harboring a tight-lipped smile, maybe it wasn’t because of the music. Suddenly, your glass seemed really interesting.

“Hey babe!” A voice made you jump out of your thoughts.

“Oh, hey.” You awkwardly smiled.

They put a hand around your waist and you heard a scoff. Knowing who was the origin of that sound, you decided to put that aside and tried to enjoy the night. You made small talk with Dina and your partner, when really you only wanted to talk to her. The way she did her best to stay out of your way made you want to crawl up to a ball and cry your heart out, it wasn’t fair, you weren’t the only one in the wrong.

Your throat was tight from the sobs you held back and burning from whatever alcohol Dina poured you. It wasn’t a great night. Your head was heavy with thoughts and everything looked foggy, you really wanted your bed. The loud music didn’t help your buzzing ears, everything felt amplified and you were stuck on that stool drowning in your own pity. What a sight. Dina and your partner were dancing, Ellie was everywhere but near you, you were all alone in a room full of people. Deciding you had enough, you stumbled off the stool and made your way toward the exit, trying not to mix up your steps and face plant in front of everyone.

Once out of the building, you could feel the cold air hitting your burning face, it felt good. Hearing the constant sound of the snow underneath your steps comforted you in a way, it was there, distracting you when no one else was. When you looked up, you saw a flash of auburn hair among the white. That stopped you in your tracks. When she noticed you she said nothing, but her eyes screamed at you.

“What are you doing here ? Shouldn’t you be inside ?” You asked, fiddling with your sweater.

“I could ask you the same thing.”

“Yeah, well, you didn’t.” You huffed.

You were annoyed by now, deciding the conversation wasn’t going anywhere, you followed your feets when your heart begged you to stay.

“I was at Joel’s.”

You turned around to face her, was she really trying to make small talk ?

“So... Are you two okay now?”

“I don’t know, I’m trying.”

You nodded, not knowing what to say next. She didn’t either, creating an uncomfortable silence. You hated the way things turned out. There was a day when the two of you would sit in her shed listening to rock bands from before, all day, without having to share a single word because a glance was enough to make eachother laugh.

“I miss you.” The words slipped past your lips before you could take them back.

She didn’t say anything, but you noticed how her demeanor shifted. Her shoulder tensed up and she stopped playing with her fingers.

“Ellie please, say something. Anything. Even if you scream at me I’ll take it, but I can’t stand your silence anymore.” You complained, tears tingling the corner of your eyes.

“Why them ?” She mumbled. “Why didn’t you stick with me ?” She finally looked at you.

“Trust me, I try to but you make it so damn hard for no reason !”

“Because it’s too late now ! I needed you before but you just left me as soon as someone wanted to date you !”

“Now you’re just making stuff up, I didn’t leave you, you did ! You’re the one that left me when I started dating them !” Your tone escalated, you felt frustrated that she didn’t want to admit she was in the wrong.

“Yeah, you keep telling yourself that.” She started to walk away, again.

“Please wait.” You pleaded. “Why does it feel like you won’t come back to me if I let you walk away tonight..?”

By now your tears were running hot on your cheeks, it really felt like the end. She stopped in her tracks and looked at you, the moon made her eyes shine, reflecting the same pain that was hidden in yours.

“I have someone else to come back to, so do you.”

You could swear you heard a cracking sound in your chest, not sure if hers cracked the same. Of course you loved them, but is it the same kind of love ? She can’t even look at you. Is it shame ? Is it anger ? You don’t know for sure but it hurts.

“But I loved you first, and I don’t think I could ever go back from that.”

“I’m sorry.”

With that she walked away, her silhouette slowly merged with the shadow of the street and left you crying in the cold streets wondering if you two could ever be okay again.

The night you lost her was the most beautiful night of winter, yet, it was the night of winter you hated the most.

#the last of us #ellie x reader angst #ellie the last of us #ellie x reader #ellie x fem reader #ellie x you #ellie williams #ellie miller #angst