milatherese

[milatherese]

[milatherese]

So a free tool called GLAZE has been developed that allows artists to cloak their artwork so it can't be mimicked by AI art tools.

AI art bros are big mad about it.

[milatherese]

1. Make the list…

…of what you look for in someone.

2. Work on being the list (because how can you expect someone to be the list if you cannot even come close to being the list?)

And a year ago I would have said numbers one and two are enough. But I recently learned it’s not enough:

3. Review your ideal list every quarter. Evaluate your friends (preferably of the opposite sex) - mainly the traits they have - and see if any of those are worth adding to your list.

And, lastly,

4. Recognize that you can like traits your friends have without liking them romantically.

#milamusings

[milatherese]

Are we ships passing in the night?

#milamusings

[milatherese]

Just gonna vent a bit here, okay? Okay.

I’m so tired of fighting.

I had to fight for time off just so I can sleep. I need to defend myself constantly.

I have to fight for doctors to believe my symptoms.

Also found out I don’t have enough serotonin - which explains a LOT of things. (And found out I was unknowingly taking anxiety meds from grade school until college when I got lazy and stopped taking them. But that’s a story for another time.) Doctor prescribed me anxiety meds to take as needed. But also told me I need to naturally increase serotonin by doing things I love and eating well and sleeping well. Except it has been really hard to do that while working 7 days a week (on top of emotionally processing 4 deaths in the family).

I need to fight for higher pay for my subordinates. And I found out I’m being underpaid.

Also, long distance is so difficult. It’s been nearly 5 months since we’ve been together in person. I hate it.

I am grateful someone finally believed me and I now have my first actual break since the summer (which was barely even a break). I am a minister, but I’m not a priest.

Things to work on:

living in the moment

not worrying about the future

maintaining work boundaries

standing up for myself

not requiring everything to be perfect

self-care (as much as I hate the modern definition of this)

#milamusings

[milatherese]

Lol I sure am one to talk

But also wow I was much wiser before my wisdom teeth got pulled out haha. I feel I have regressed.

Grief Isn’t So Bad

Grief is something we all go through - breakups, friendships, death, loss of a job, etc. Grief is an essential part of life. Two examples…

In elementary school I became really good friends with people who eventually turned out to not be my friends. We had a fall out in our friendship (that ship has sailed - haha). I never saw it coming but eventually my “friends” fell out one by one and I was alone. This experience happened again and again in my different high schools and colleges (I transferred a few times). I kept on losing friends. Though I know I can never completely trust these “friends” of mine, I still feel the loss.

I recently had a friend pass away. We were not was super close but he helped me through a very difficult time in my life. Let’s call him Brother Morgan. I met him online through Instagram (N.B. I highly recommend meeting people in person but sometimes online friendships happen) and I was blessed to have him guide me out of a sea of confusion and despair. He was a brother to me.

It has been a few months since his passing and, though I never got to meet him in person, I still feel the loss.

Over these months I learned that grief isn’t something you just “get over” in time. Rather, grief is something you grow from.

Sure, time helps, but only in learning how to live with the loss.

In the first example, I learned time and time again how to find better friends. Each broken friendship brought me closer and closer to choosing stronger and trustworthy people. Though I never had a job that involved directly interacting with others during those times, I strengthened my interpersonal skills and learned to never give up and keep on pushing forward.

In the second, I learned death is not the end. I truly believe he was a living saint (he made such an impact on the world that I am positive there are people out there praying for his beatification) and is in Heaven helping all of us on Earth. He always had words of wisdom and his lived his life solely for the greater glory of God. Yes, his passing cut a hole but it also filled in a larger hole in me that I never realized I had. In my grief and while reflecting on how he lived, I realized I am capable of doing something good that impacts the world just like him. This may seem like I’m stretching it but his passing showed me there’s no such thing as “the end” but rather many beginnings. I feel him guiding me when I ask him if he can. I guess God needed him in Heaven to help even more people.

Grief isn’t so bad, afterall. Grief is just a tough lesson life teaches. 

Requiescant in pace, everyone who made a positive difference in the world.

[milatherese]

Y’all.

Please pray for my family. Found out on Sunday that my uncle died. Cried during all the Masses I worked.

Really gonna be living it up this Lent.

Christmas cards still looking like thank-you cards.

Also, got my period, so ya know my body is really feeling like its heart got ripped out.

#milamusings #grief

[milatherese]

I just realized another blessing of my mom's suffering and death:

She died the week before Holy Week and, because we're not allowed to have funerals during Holy Week (because Christ's suffering, death, and resurrection – the culmination of our salvation history – takes precedence), her funeral was the first available day after Easter – which is the week most folks (in certain age groups) have off for vacation! This allowed many people to join us in celebrating her life!

My grandmother figure (we called her "Aling" for respect) doesn't really have people in those aforementioned age groups. And her funeral is on a weekday of ordinary time. I would have been happy if my mom died on a weekday of ordinary time, but I think my soul is happier that she died just in time for [most] everyone to be able to attend and for her funeral to be the first available day of Easter week. God's timing is the best.

Idk if that makes sense. I'm tired and sick and sad and numb. One day I'll be able to read this and retrace my thought process to rewrite this more coherently.

Haven't forgotten about those Christmas cards, btw. They're turning into Thank You cards now.

#milamusings

[milatherese]

I figured out why I don’t like slow songs in minor keys.

It’s because they make me feel my sad feelings.

Oh well.

#milamusings

[milatherese]

Yesterday, my only grandmother figure passed away at 11:30am. Requiescat in pace.

In a way, it felt like mom’s passing all over again. Like grief had an interest rate or something.

Today marks one year since mom had a stroke and fell into a coma.

We all got sick last night and, as much as it sucks to be sick, i think it’s a blessing because now we can each be sick and cry in silence if we need to today. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

#milamusings

[milatherese]

Christmas cards (and gifts) are very much delayed due to sickness and overall fatigue. I love my primary job, but dislike the fact that everyone's holiday is my workday. (And my secondary "normal" job means I'm also working "normal" hours when I'd rather rest after working the holidays.) 🙃

#milamusings

[milatherese]

Practicing Catholics:

Pope Francis didn’t say what you think he said. Do your own research.

Here’s the document: https://press.vatican.va/content/salastampa/it/bollettino/pubblico/2023/12/18/0901/01963.html#en

#catholic #pope francis #same sex attraction #lgbtq

[milatherese]

LEVEL 1 (PAST): What is difficult to forgive yourself for?

Ooof.

This is going to sound cheesy as a Christian, but definitely all those times I was NOT Christ-like to others. When I was arrogant and thought I was better than others. When I turned a blind eye to unjust acts. When I spoke poorly of others. All of these hurt people. And I'm 99% sure it hurt them in a way that made them feel less than. And nobody should ever be made to feel less than.

I wish I could go back and think before I acted (or knowingly failed to act) on all of that. But at the same time, having had those experiences keeps me on my toes sometimes. I have to be on guard, especially when I get comfortable.

I rate this question 8/10.

#milamusings #self-love

[milatherese]

11/17/2023

That's it. I've peaked.

___

JOKE-OGRAPHY: You see, the joke is that he sticks his money in a riverbank, and not a bank for money.

[milatherese]

I am fucking dying

[milatherese]

[milatherese]

LEVEL 1 (PAST): What have you grown to love about yourself?

A few things...

My hair

My liturgical music experience

My voice

I realize two of those are pretty superficial, but they are definitely things I was self-conscious about.

When I was younger, my hair was mostly straight. Once in a while, it would be a little unruly, but it was nothing water couldn't fix. When I hit puberty while visiting the Philippines, I thought the humidity turned my hair curly. But that wasn't the case. My "curly" hair lasted even when I returned home. I decided to just chop it all off and tried to maintain a short-medium hair length to avoid my "curls." It wasn't until last year that I learned that I actually have wavy hair. No wonder my hair was unruly at times! I stopped combing my hair and this year began using hair products that fit my hair and, dang, my hair is pretty cool. I'm nowhere near perfect in caring for my hair, but at least I don't have split ends anymore. Or I rarely get them. Either way, a win.

When I got hired, I definitely had imposter syndrome. And now I don't. Simple as that. Every once in a while, I meet someone who thinks I know nothing, but my boss-boss and my sem friends help me remember that I do have the experience and expertise to be in my current job.

During my job interview, my now-boss-boss asked me "Do you sing?" I said "yes" but I felt like I lied. I was part of choirs and an a cappella group, but only sang solo once, and it was mainly because my voice blended better with my partner in a performance. At this job, I began singing for special liturgies (funerals, quinceañeras, weddings, etc.), but mainly because it was my job to do so. A few weeks later is when the compliments (from people I would actually feel would give authentic compliments) came in.

Also, as an aside, this self-love card deck makes me feel like a braggart. But I guess this is supposed to be that way in a way. Because you can't love yourself without being a little braggy, I guess.

I'd rate this question as a 5/10. Too braggy for me.

#milamusings #self-love