mvsxnxxo
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─── king𝓼𝓵𝓪𝔂𝓮𝓻.
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why? why is it always me? why am i always getting played? why are my feelings always getting hurt? why is it so hard to find someone genuine? it doesn’t matter what age, race, or gender, everyone is playing a game. i hate that nobody takes me seriously when all i wanna do is love. the minute you speak so highly about someone you care about, that same person does something to disappoint you & let you down. i hate it. i hate myself. i hate him. why all the games? why is it so hard to be truthful? why choose somebody else other than me? why did i have to peep? i’m right here? it’s bittersweet knowing you’re already looking for someone else to take my place. it hurts. it’s bittersweet because now i got the clarity i needed to move on & find something or someone better for me. but i only want you...but i know i shouldn’t. but i see nobody else but you, but you seem to be wanting to look elsewhere. i just don’t get it. am i not enough? what did i do? what’s wrong with me? it hurts so much because i know we’re not even together but still, why? i hate the fact that i get crazy, obsessive, & possessive about these things, but i just can’t help this raging fire in my soul whenever i feel like i’m being played, i react. i’m angry. i’m hurt. i’m confused. but why? you’re not even mine? why can’t i just be the only one that you can call on to make you feel better? why can’t you be mine? i’d love to be yours…there’s nothing else in the world i would want other than you. i thought you were different. i thought i was the only one you saw. but now the truth is coming to light. i know i deserve better but it doesn’t hurt to try again, does it? nah. it does. the more i try, the more i get left with nothing. so where do we go from here? where do i go from here? idk what to do now. you were everything i thought i wanted. but now it seems like you want nothing to do with me. all that time being wasted. just tell me. tell me the truth, even if it hurts. i know i can handle it. just know i cherished every single moment we were together. at least i was good to you. there isn’t a day that you don’t cross my mind. now i’m wondering if i even existed to you. this hurts so much. being a genuine person gets you no where. after all these years, dealing with ain’t shit mfs, i thought you were the one to sweep me off of my feet. but nah, you’re just like everyone else. it kills me that i keep on going through the same old bullshit cycle. you’d think i’d be used to the pain right? but i always end up getting hurt in the end. where did we go wrong? where did i go wrong? i know i’m not perfect but at least i was always a good person to you. & what sucks is, i thought you were a good person too. i’m heartbroken. i’m tired. i told myself not to get too attached but i couldn’t help but think we had a good thing going. but i guess not. the ride is over now. this rollercoaster has come to an end. even though it might sound like a broken record but, someday, i’ll find the one. i’ll find someone who will treat me right. i’ll find someone who doesn’t make me second guess myself. i’ll find someone who truly deserves & cherishes me. love is an illusion, pain is forever. love is a lie, pain is the truth. at least pain doesn’t lie. although this might not be true, until then i’m proved wrong, i’m sticking to myself. i can’t believe i’m even going through this again. you’re all i can think about & the thought of you being with someone else kills me. rage & jealously are poison & it’s slowly eating me alive but what can i do? i feel so strongly about this & you only because i hate feeling like i’m being wronged. but it’s okay. we’re not even together. you’re free to do whatever you want & so am i. & what i’ll do is focus on myself while you’re still looking for something that can’t even come close to what we had. i’m sure of it. it’ll take me some time to realign myself but until then, i hope you find what you’re looking for. all i know is, what we had was something special. nobody will ever compare to me. i’m the best you’ve never had & you don’t even know it yet.
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“Balance is the natural state of life, because the basic characteristic of the fundamental element of life, pure consciousness, is complete balance.”
--Maharishi Mahesh Yogi
Balance
mendezmendez
@mendezmendezart
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It is both a blessing
And a curse
To feel everything
So deeply
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A silhouette lightkeeper to shine the way.
Naya Kotko
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