preetyugly

[preetyugly]

lololol

[preetyugly]

This is What happens when I eat now

[preetyugly]

I’m so back. I started watching mukbang again. I have fucking relapsed again

#ana hacks #need to lose more weight #best way to lose weight #st4rv1ng #sweetsp0 #weight loss #vitamins #tw restriction #supplements #healthylife

[preetyugly]

Need me a Ana coach

[preetyugly]

[preetyugly]

[preetyugly]

i’ve had this in my th1n$p0 folder for so long, i think it’s my favourite. does anyone know what bmi this would be?

[preetyugly]

I think the reason I binged and gained all the weight back is because my problems were not fixed magically after I reached my goal weight.

It wasn’t enough and my goal weight kept going low. Yes, I was happy every time I would see the mirror and see how small my face has gotten or how small my thigh were but they were merely momental.

I couldn’t think clearly anymore, couldn’t work long hours shifts. I kept losing things, missing deadlines, disappointing myself, and I went to my breaking point when I left my whole freaking bag in the bus(which has my MacBook) on it cause I was too out of touch with this world, and 4 days later, I lost my phone in the beach. It got buried under the sand, and even with find my iPhone, I couldn’t exactly locate it. All this hurt so bad that I started eating again. I think I have always deeply hated myself and that I didn’t deserve good things. But after so many events happening one after another, it was so hurtful and traumatic that I felt like I deserved food.

I pitied myself. I let myself eat all the foods I hadn’t had in months. I needed energy to find a new job, being able to work, manage my life and earn back the money to pay my uni fees and buy a new phone. It was freeing first. But it slowly turned into binges. I didn’t like the fact I was gaining weight, so I ate more to hide from that uncomfortable feeling. From 44kg(98lbs) my lowest, I got up to 54kg in a month (120lbs). Honestly, I love eating whatever I want and I admit I have more energy and dignity but that’s because I avoid mirrors or reflection. As long as I don’t see my big face or acknowledge my belly fat or thigh, I feel amazing. I feel motivated and determined. I have goals in life now, but if I can’t come to the term with the truth that I have gained weight, and can’t look at myself anymore, isn’t it just as bad. The momentary happiness I used to get from seeing myself smaller has transitioned to the happiness I get while eating. Other than that, I feel sick cause I can’t believe my body has changed. It’s so simple but I am in denial. In denial that all those pizzas, good meals have made me gain weight. Isn’t that stupid of me? I want the energy it gives me, I want the taste, I want the freedom of not having to read every labels, ingredients, portion but act surprised when I gain weight.

Anyways, the point is I am gonna go on a diet again cause I did try out moderation, portion control, all food fits rules but I don’t seem to be losing weight this way. If I only love myself until I don’t acknowledge my reflection, is it not just denial? It’s almost the same as when I was in the other end of things. I just went from one disordered pattern to another.

I tried being healthy and adapt better mindset but I failed countless times and that too miserably. I can’t afford a healthier, stable mindset right now.

So if I have to choose between under-eating or binging, I will choose under eating. They are basically the same. They have almost equal number of pros and cons.

#tw restriction

[preetyugly]

[preetyugly]

I am all alone here. Ana is the only one I have. Ana is the only one that will validate me and my feelings. Only way I can feel proud of myself, get praised, and makes me feel seen and valued. I feel sense of accomplishment when I do what my disordered thoughts tells me to do. Only goal of my life, reason to live and reason to look forward for next day, week and month is ana and my weightloss goal.

Being anorexic is better than being suicidal. Its better than feeling like I have no reason to exist right now. If I actively lose weight and work towards my goal, I am allowed to live.

#ana trigger #weight loss #ana hacks #best way to lose weight #ed di3t #need to lose more weight #ed not ed sheeran #pro a4a #ana meal #an0r3c1a

[preetyugly]

[preetyugly]

i bingedddd. i am 47 again after binging. But it's alright. new diet from tomorrow. I will be 44 this time and 24 in the waist.

#ana trigger #ana hacks #ed di3t #weight loss #an0r3c1a #st4rv1ng #th1n$po #ana meal #best way to lose weight #need to lose more weight

[preetyugly]

I am losing one kg a week. I am down to 48kg from 50 in 2 weeks and this is so much more sustainable. I can go on forever or atleast i get to my goal weight. I am actually 47 on empty stomach but i choose to record my weight after eating a meal plus water to keep me motivated.

#ana trigger #ana shit #sweetsp0 #i want to be weightless #ana hacks #ed di3t #need to lose more weight #best way to lose weight #weight loss #ed bllog

[preetyugly]

better in the waste than on the waist <3

[preetyugly]

need ana buddies or coach.

ME :

age ; 19. height: 163 cm

cw;50kg

gw: 46kg

time frame to reach the goal: 4 weeks

Please dm if you are of similar age/weight/height or age of mine

#skinny #proana #ed blog #ed but not sheeran #anabuddy #tw ana related #tw ed diet #tw disordered eating #anor3xi4 #ana trigger #weight loss #ed di3t #ana hacks #need to lose more weight #best way to lose weight

[preetyugly]

“Everybody comes from the same source. If you hate another human being, you’re hating part of yourself.”

— Elvis Presley

[preetyugly]

The momentary happiness of eating will never compare to the euphoria of losing weight