overwatch: DO YOU TRUST ME!!!! anime, literature, art, movies, all ships -canon or not, ffxv, kingdom hearts, anything and everything. have an open mind to all things even if its a differing opinion. also icon is not mine
must a fictional relationship be “healthy” or “functional”? is it not enough to simply watch two made up people destroy each other, hand in unlovable hand???
Words cant express how rough its been these last few years. From my brother dying to my painful descent into severe depression. The drain and fatigue, friends that I've lost....mainly from a misunderstanding.
I know for my part, I didnt handle my mental health well, and relied too much on those friends. Friends that never opened up to me, even while saying they were there for me, and started viewing me as toxic when I wanted to do my best to keep our friendship.
Spamming them under the impression that they still wanted to be friends but being unable to talk because they lead busy lives. None of them talked about their own depression despite me offering to let them vent life's troubles....one said she was tired of my back and forth fear of her abandoning me, she said she was tired of it....apparently that meant she was tired of me altogether, even though how she said it wasn't clear at all. So, I began sending her things we both liked, pics of fandoms and thoughts about it, small things like how her day was....all the while I never knew she had given up on being friends...I should have guessed when her responses became little to nothing. The art she made me, I sent it back to her, hoping to get closure from a friendship I had come to understand had fizzled out was misunderstood as a way for me to draw her out....I gave it back, I dont have copies of it, I dont want anything more to do with her, even her art.
Another friend, I scared unnecessarily. I shouldn't have expected so much from them, and once I knew the damage I had caused, I apologized profusely and only limited my texts to letting them know I was thinking of them.
They thought I laughed off the event when its stayed with me and the guilt of the pain I gave them. I never intended to use them as a therapist, they said they were there for me, but in the end they dreaded hearing from me, even after sending them things that were lighter and we both liked to talk about.
They were the ones who said they forgave me and wanted to be genuine friends once more, and they wanted me to stop blaming myself for the past....then quickly blamed me for it all.
Guess what I mean is...maybe if your friends arent speaking to you at all, dont chase, maybe have some hope but let them damn well be. And to those "friends" that you've had deep conversations with and have had fun with for at least a year, and have at some point ignored and blamed you, I would have rather you told me that you didnt want to be friends anymore or hear from me than making me think things were ok or that you were simply too busy to talk. Dont draw things out. Talk it all out if you can, but if it doesnt work then you dont need either them and they dont need you.
Because I haven’t touched my Mac all weekend I didn’t post this here yesterday like I did on twitter, but here’s the final version of my A2 gift art piece! I was lucky enough to get in line early for a signing with Adam Croasdell yesterday at Pomex, where I could hand it over <3!
I spent about ~65 hours total on this (from 8th August to 19th Sept, so not all at once!) and decided to work with a change on a classic: I am a coloured pencil artist, for the most part, so I decided I would experiment with prismacolours for the first time! I can honestly say by the end of it I really enjoyed them as a new thing in my ‘armiger’ of art supplies, even though I had a few ups and downs! A few WIP iPhone shots have been compiled below (including an earlier version of Glaive Ignis’s face before I decided mid-colouring the eyes that I wanted to change it!):
The general idea behind this was to reflect on how much Episode Ignis means to me. I’ve been playing FF games since I was 7/8 years old (FF7 was the first video game I remember playing solo), and it’s a series that has always been pretty significant in my life, but I’ve never really had a favourite character before Ignis. I could gush forever about how dedicated and brave he is, and yet how human, but if you follow me, odds are you probably all feel the same or similar! So simply put, I would never have felt the inspiration to return to improving my art or to share it again were it not for Ignis, and for the wonderful work Adam did in bringing his character to life. So on that note, I decided to showcase the part of the game where it clicked for me that there would never be another like Ignis - his masterpiece DLC <3