recoveryera

[recoveryera]

Anyone else just not miss childhood? Idk what y’all r talking about. That shit sucked.

[recoveryera]

Hi I’m back and active again, if anyone wants to be buddies or even send any spo or whatever, I’ll be very glad, I’m super motivated and really want to get back to work

EDIT: jk im recovering, fuck that, i was mentally insane last year

[recoveryera]

I’m beginning to understand why people use tumblr so often to vent about eD! Stuff. I was always a fat a kid and I had an on and off e4t!ng d1s0rd3r for most of my life. A few months ago, I decided my weight had gotten out of control and I got serious. I’ve lost the first 50 pounds and since my d1s0rd3r is getting more severe, side effects are kind of finally starting to happen. There’s no one I can really talk to about this stuff, the physical side effects can be so vulnerable too.

1. Drinking water is rlly difficult now, I’m always dehydrated because I used to mainly drink water during meals, I never got something to eat without a drink and now that I’m eating a LOT less, it’s really difficult to drink water. I have to constantly remind myself to take sips and I always keep some in my bedroom and take a bottle with me before going to work or school which does help though.

2. Fainting. I think when people first begin heavily r3str1cting, no one believes they’ll just randomly faint. Or idk maybe I’m projecting. But I didn’t expect to faint. Of course there were probably warnings like dizziness and wooziness but two things: i had been restricting for months when i first fainted, it had become very second nature to not eat and i barely thought about it, so I was almost constantly dizzy while standing up or making sudden movements and I’m also constantly high to essentially deal with a lot of the symptoms of my eating disorder (exhaustion, low-mood, soreness, fatigue, constant nausea) so I don’t really notice when I’m woozy because if I’m honest, I’m always a bit woozy lmao.

- worst thing is that I’m secretly pretty proud of fainting and I simultaneously wish for it to happen again and take precaution against it. On one hand, I can’t be fainting everywhere, it’s so obvious, someone will find me out so quick, so I keep low-cal mints that DO contain sugar for dizzy spells and water on me in public. But I want to do it again so bad.

I know it’s supposed to be unhealthy but everyone in my life is congratulating me on l0sing w31ght, everyone believes I’m doing something good for myself and yeah, they probably don’t know the extent to which I’m st4rving but they see me leave before I eat breakfast, they see me come home and skip dinner, and they see me rapidly l0sing w31ght. and if they’re ok with that, then so am I.

[recoveryera]

I keep feeling like I ate something despite having eaten nothing