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(for the purposes of this poll, there is no monkey's paw situation: the chore you pick stays the same level of difficulty/grossness/etc. as it normally is for you, and you only have to do it as often as you want to. the chores you don't pick are magically done for you exactly the way you'd want them to be, just with zero effort on your part.)

#I can fold a fitted sheet and im proud of that achievement

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if I may jump in and point out, coffeeshop AUs do trend towards conflict free and cozy feelgood stories which is only rarely the vibe you get working at an actual coffee shop. Feelgood stories are fine of that's your thing but its a hard sell when they're set in food service specializing in under caffeinated customers. If you wanna write a story about the psychosexual obsessive dynamic between the lady stomping in with a personalized Stanley cup that says 'don't talk to me before I've had my coffee' who wants her boyfriends military discount and the barista making minimum and dreaming of homicide, now that's a coffeeshop AU.

okay so it’s basically a serial killer x stalker au, major emphasis on them both sucking! its basically the meme about a divorce court judge denying their divorce because they’re so horrible it would be a human rights violation to subject anyone else to their behaviors. one of them (let’s say A) sees the other on the train and immediately falls in love with him and is convinced they’re soulmates, stalks him relentlessly to find out where he likes to go, and gets a job as a barista at his favorite coffeeshop just to have an excuse to interact with him. the other guy (B) is kind of a dexter type serial killer (not as put together, doesn't have a moral code so to speak other than his victims aren't like, innocents/children) and eventually A witnesses one of B’s murders while stalking him and B almost kills him before he realizes that A is like. super into it, maybe too into it. definitely very much too into it. and he’s very flattered to be stalked by him too, because he’s equally as batshit crazy! they fall in love (in an insane way), move in together after like two weeks, and for a while they tag-team stalking and murdering victims and have a lot of slutty sex about it. they end up eventually going down in flames in a murder suicide situation after B flies too close to the sun in his enthusiasm to kill because it makes A go insane in a horny way. the end!

Ok listen I LOVE this. but. not to be pedantic. this is no longer a coffee shop AU. I think the moment you introduce serial killers it stops being a coffee shop AU and it starts being a serial killer AU with some coffee flavour.

the reason EYE don't vibe with coffee shop AUs (and many people do! more power to them!) is bc they're inherently. like. cosy. and it's not a dynamic I'm into for the kind of ships and characters I gravitate to, who are usually from a scifi/fantasy canon OR have some kind of crazy dynamic that can't be easily translated to "barista/customer". I feel like there's a certain Vibe that people associate with the words coffee shop AU, and if a fic it's about crazed stalkers then it's a whole different premise... but one I'd love to bits ngl

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I wish I could find the picture of the 100 foot penis the ski patrol stomped into the headwall after new management fired two thirds of the mountain staff and reneged on season passes after they jacked up lift tickets. I'll give your three guesses on who new management is.

Listening to Noah Kahan while having a conversation about how none of your friends can afford to live in your hometown anymore is not a pleasant experience. Like. We are talking shrimp colored emotions. A sort of melancholy rage. Evil nostalgia. Who the hell is moving into this far northern city who can afford this? Its not like this is a desirable place to live, there's nothing to do but work and get clinical grade seasonal depression and maybe mauled by a bear. I couldn't afford to live in the house I grew up in. And I am currently better off than my parents were at my age, if you're looking at the numbers.

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Listening to Noah Kahan while having a conversation about how none of your friends can afford to live in your hometown anymore is not a pleasant experience. Like. We are talking shrimp colored emotions. A sort of melancholy rage. Evil nostalgia. Who the hell is moving into this far northern city who can afford this? Its not like this is a desirable place to live, there's nothing to do but work and get clinical grade seasonal depression and maybe mauled by a bear. I couldn't afford to live in the house I grew up in. And I am currently better off than my parents were at my age, if you're looking at the numbers.

#wolverine warbles

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Welcome to the land of the worst aviation safety record on earth. Big planes are falling out of the sky, little planes vanish never to be seen again, there was that one time a plane vanished and the search party found the wrong plane that had been out there for decades but couldn't find the one they were looking for, and our state senator bought it in a plane crash as he was flying to an airport named after him. We have the most licenced pilots of any state and terrifyingly, more pilots than licenses.

The vendiagram of public figures who have died in plane crashes and public figures who have airports named after them cannot be large. But of that exclusive group there is yet another division which is the order of events. Dying in a plane crash and then getting an airport named after you is one thing, it may be gauche but there is a connection. Maybe its a sort of memorial thing, idk. There's probably some military airforce pilot thing somewhere.

And then there is the Ted Stevens International Airport.

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furious that i am not a playable character in this game

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YTA. A train car is a public space for everyone and destruction of a window affects the rest of us, letting in drafts and damp and creating a safety hazard. It could even cause delays and limited services while it's repaired. Even if you had a perfectly justified reaction to anothers behavior, the polite thing to do would be smashing his skull with your rock rather than a window. There should be a proper receptacle for garbage wither on your car or at the station.

I want to do a satire

AITA for killing a man on the train to New York

I (23M) was on a train from DC to Boston, I had prepared and everything, I had brought books, downloaded music to my phone, brought my headphones and even obtained a DVD player. I was having a perfect trip, listening to music in my headphones and reading my mystery novels when suddenly at the stop in Philadelphia I was oh so rudely interrupted by a young man, (late 20s, M) he said that he couldn't find a seat and that he would like to sit in the seat next to me. Being the reasonable man that I am, I got up and accommodated him, that was just basic decency of course. But then about 10 minutes later my book reading was once again interrupted as I heard a most awful noise. It was the man sitting next to me, his handsome face illuminated by a blue light, he was watching internet videos at max volume without any headphones. Immediately I was thrown into a blind rage, I pulled a rock out of my bag, threw it against the window, breaking it into pieces, grabbed my seat neighbor, lifted him up over my head and threw him out the window. It wasn't for several minutes that I realized what I did

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As of May 15th, image sharing platform Imgur will be purging its site of all not-safe-for-work and anonymously posted content. As part of the site’s new terms of service agreement, Imgur’s definition of “not safe for work” is concerningly broad: it will be removing not only every upload deemed to be pornography or sexually explicit content, but all depictions of nudity (no matter how artistic or educational they are in nature) as well.

Imgur was created in 2009, and has remained one of the most popular image hosting sites on the internet for decades. Its 300 million active users access content on the platform over 60 billion times per month. Compared to other image hosting sites of the early 2000s, such as Photobucket, Imgur has a reputation for being a place to host niche, originally created works, including memes, personal artwork, image macros, fan art, and yes, highly specific porn and fetish content that caters to small yet passionate communities.

Until 2016, the only way to share images on Reddit was by passing them through Imgur first. If you didn’t already have an Imgur account when you were making a Reddit post, you mostly likely uploaded it without bothering to create one, so your image files were posted anonymously. But Imgur is now mass-deleting all images that can’t be linked to an existing account. This means that the vast majority of image posts on Reddit that predate 2016 will be completely broken after Imgur’s new terms of service are adopted. That’s not just posts with pornography or nude photographs that are getting removed, which would be a sizeable data loss itself, but nearly eleven years worth of digital history.

The impact this mass deletion will have can’t be overstated. Reddit has been a crucial hub of information sharing, social networking, and documentation for approaching twenty years now. Over 1.6 billion individual people have made their mark on the site in one way or another — sharing their home renovation projects, posting tattered photographs of long-dead relatives and asking for assistance in getting them restored, pooling together genealogical records, showing off their latest power-washing job, demonstrating how to construct leather harnesses, exchanging theories about their continuity of their favorite German science fiction epics, and far more.

Many of these in-depth Reddit posts are absolutely reliant upon images. And every single one of them that came before 2016 can potentially be ruined following the Imgur purge. Even many posts that were made after 2016 will be destroyed as well, because many Reddit users who upload images to Imgur never create official accounts.

Whenever sexual content is driven from social media, there is little in the way of public mourning. If anything, there is a tepid acknowledgement of the harm that will befall sex workers, alongside outright celebration that at last these sites will be scrubbed of the most unseemly and dangerous sides of human nature, and at last rendered “safe.” But condemning future generations of queer and kinky people to ignorance and loneliness is not saving them. And exposing someone to sexual content too early in life is not the only form of sexual harm. Denying a person a chance at self-recognition can be equally traumatic, and violent.

Those of us who do decry the sanitization and Disney-Worldification of the internet are frequently likened to predators who wish to expose our bodies and proclivities to children. Our mere existence as adult sexual beings with adult bodies is deemed a threat. Paradoxically, we are also mocked for taking the removal of erotic art so seriously. Porn is somehow viewed in our culture as both frivolously pointless, and profoundly terrifying.

But in reality, sex is not dangerous. And sex is not frivolous. It’s a rapturous, inevitable, and an essential force in human life. Sex isn’t for everyone, but it is one of the most precious ways to experience inhabiting a body, and refusing to acknowledge the existence of sex makes it impossible to fully appreciate human history, identity, or any form of art.

Sex’s removal from public discourse and digital record keeping is a hateful, genocidal destruction of one of the most precious aspects of the human experience. We are right to mourn for it. And we are right to fear what comes next, after our bodies are rendered unviewable and our dreams unspeakable.

the first time i posted this essay link, tumblr removed it for being sexual content and then blurred my account. jesus fucking christ. read the piece, please. our ability to communicate and find one another online is rapidly eroding and this is no light matter

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The Lies of Lisbet

In a small province there lived a prosperous family of trappers. They were a handsome family of tawny hair, white smiles, and an easy grace. Like a jewel among them was their youngest daughter, Lisbet. She was the best at striking a bargain, owing to her dimples and her keen mind, and so it was she who most often minded their booth. One day at market a handsome noble appeared looking for ermine fur. She admired his well-brushed black hair, his velvet coat, and his broad shoulders.

They offered each other knowing smiles and he took instead a white fox fur at her suggestion. He came back each week for many months. Her siblings all offered to work the booth instead, wringing their hands. She declined. Lisbet’s parents fretted despite the steady stream of coin he spent. She greeted him with her dimpled smile each week and was not surprised when he asked for her hand, despite the difference in their stations.

Her parents begged her not to accept. “Lisbet,” her mother said in despair, “you’ll go mad there. There will always be eyes on you, every moment. And thick stone walls around you. It’s too dangerous for you, and for us.” Her father just looked at her with pleading eyes. She would not hear them, wedding him in the spring. They rode off together to live in his keep. Lisbet’s horse sweated and balked the whole way, hating to bear her.

Keep reading

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This post is from the end of last summer and from the early start of planting season I would like to report that I have learned absolutely nothing.

I have 156 tomato plants, 4 varieties of beans and 6 kinds of squash. And thats just the starts in the front room, because the ground is still frozen and I can't put them outside yet.

Check back in another few month to see what it looks like when a garden starts eating its gardener.

There is no grief like finishing the fresh produce out of your garden and returning to the store-bought variety.

#garden of the wolverine

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There should be an option for the even more classic quick kiss on the doorstep after the date

#But I also massively fucked it up and completely missed #So there's that

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I cannot begin to describe how greatly this is elevated by the 80s montage music

Sport is life

(Source)

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That's my take on them

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hope you and yours are all right, but this is easy inclusion into the top ten worst reading comprehension/ clarification posts I've ever seen.

if some asshole hurt himself because you turned him down that's on him not you. you don't have to take him to the ER you have to get yourself some place safe

Organ Rejection

Large Bastard is a transplant patient and is experiencing symptoms of *organ rejection* and I need to drive him to the hospital to have a biopsy.

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teenage angst: I feel small and misunderstood, the things I want to do and the things I have to do don't align, AND THIS IS THE FIRST TIME IVE DEALT WITH THESE PROBLEMS

20s angst: I feel small and misunderstood, the things I want to do and the things I have to do don't align, AND I THOUGHT I ALREADY DEALT WITH THESE ISSUES BUT THERE BACK

30s angst: I feel small and misunderstood, the things I want to do and the things I have to do don't align, AND FUCK THIS IS JUST LIFE.

40s angst: I feel small and misunderstood, the things I want to do and the things I have to do don't align, THIS CANT BE ALL THERE IS IMMA BUY A SPORTS CAR ABOUT IT *queue midlife crisis*

50s angst: I feel small and misunderstood, the things I want to do and the things I have to do don't align, good thing I've faced these problems before and know how to - THE FUCK YOU MEAN THESE ISSUES ARE DIFFERENT ENOUGH THAT DOESN'T WORK?

people like to make fun of teenage angst but quintessential teenage problems like "there are bad things in the world," "i feel small," "i don't feel understood," and "i can't do things i want to do/i have to do things i don't want to do" are also quintessential human problems at all ages idk

#I'd like to think that by the time you hit a senior discount you get some things figured out #But judging by the pattern that doesn't seem to be the case