shinningraes

[shinningraes]

Alfred: Holy shit, Gilbert, do you know what this means?!

Gilbert: Kid, whenever you start doing this, nobody knows what you mean.

#hetalia #aph hetalia #hws hetalia #aph prussia #hws prussia #aph america #hws america #hetalia incorrect quotes #aph incorrect quotes #this gives me revolutionary war vibes #idk

[shinningraes]

Alfred: *trying to buy a Father's Day card at Hallmark*

Alfred: Excuse me, do you have any that just say "You are my dad?"

Associate: Well, I-

Alfred: How about "You banged my mom?"

Associate: No...

Alfred: You know what, I'll just get a blank one.

Alfred: *writes* You are a father. This is a day. Here is a card.

#hetalia #aph hetalia #aph america #hws hetalia #hws america #aph incorrect quotes #hetalia incorrect quotes #I’m not sorry #the man has trauma

[shinningraes]

Incorrect Quotes

Arthur: There. How do I look?

João: Like a cheap French harlot.

Arthur: French?!

Alfred: I was going to suggest we do Marilyn Monroe and JFK roleplay, but I’d get way too into it.

Kiku: What- how?

Alfred: You’d be like “come to bed … Mr. President” and I’d be like, “I need to increase the amount of American military advisors in South Vietnam by a factor of 18.”

Feliciano: What’s sexting?

Ludwig: I'm not having this conversation with you.

Matthew : I’ve been dropping them the most insanely obvious hints for like a year now. No response.

Gilbert: Wow. They sound stupid.

Matthew : But they’re not. They’re really smart actually. Just dense.

Gilbert: Maybe you need to be more obvious? Like, I don’t know… “Hey! I love you!”

Matthew : I guess you’re right. Hey Gilbert, I love you.

Gilbert: See! Just say that!

Matthew : Holy fucking shit.

Gilbert: If that flies over their head then, sorry Matthew , but they're too dumb for you.

Matthew : Gilbert.

Alfred: Is letting someone win at chess sapiosexual bottoming?

Kiku : Can everyone in this godforsaken group please learn the skill called "Think Before You Speak"?

Feliciano : Ya know... it might be.

Francis, in a high voice, holding Barbie:Hey, Ken! I was thinking about going back to school and starting a career!

Gilbert, in a deep voice, holding Ken:Nonsense, Barbie. You’re staying home and having my kids.

Antonio: What the fuck are you guys doing?

Francis: Playing systemic oppression.

Ivan: What state do you live in?

Matthew : Constant anxiety.

Arthur: Denial.

Gilbert: Perfection.

Alfred: NEW YORK!

Alfred: You really put aside everything and came all this way for me? How did you even get here so fast?

Romano: Several traffic violations.

Kiku: Three counts of resisting arrest.

Matthew : Roughly thirteen cans of energy drinks.

Tolys: Also, that’s not our car.

#hetalia #aph hetalia #hws hetalia #hetalia incorrect quotes #aph incorrect quotes #aph america #aph england #aph canada #aph france #aph spain #aph south italy #aph prussia #aph lithuania #aph portugal #aph japan #aph germany #aph north italy

[shinningraes]

Pt3

Tolys: Hey I got you food, pick a number between 1 and 10.

Alfred: Uh 4?

Tolys: Wrong, no food for you.

Alfred: Wait what?! WHY?! TOLYS PLEASE—!

Alfred: I have a plan.

Tolys : I have the hospital and Romano on speed dial.

Alfred: Hi, sorry I’m late. I was doing a couple of things and got distracted.

Tolys: I’m “a couple of things”.

Romano: I’m “got distracted”.

Alfred: It’s just that lollipop sticks last longer than the head, even if they’re less flavorful. I’m thinking of paper sticks, because you can peel off the layers with your teeth or leave it there until they fall off naturally, but plastic sticks can be chewed on too or left sticking out like a cigarette. Paper straws can be eaten layer by layer over time though, so they have the edge.

Romano , bored: Can’t we just leave while they’re distracted?

Tolys, genuinely interested: But what about wooden sticks?

Romano : I hate you.

Tolys: This totally sucks, man.

Romano: This is horrible.

Tolys: Yeah, I know, I mean look at today’s news.

Romano: No, it’s not that, it’s Alfred.

Romano: It’s just like, I can’t get them out of my head and every time I look at them I have this pains in my chest, and I just know it’s their fault, that bitch!

Cop: You ran a red light.

Romano: So did you, hypocrite.

Cop: I was following you.

Romano: That was dumb, I'm a terrible driver.

Cop: Get out.

Alfred: Tolys, do you love me?

Tolys: Of course I do!

Alfred: Would you still love me if I did something bad?

Tolys: Well, of course I… would…

Alfred: I mean something really, really—

Tolys: Alfred, what did you do?

Alfred: That was so hot, Romano.

Romano: I literally called the person who just flirted with you a degenterate dog and told them I hope they get dragged through the streets.

Alfred: I'm so in love with you.

Romano, trying to flirt: So, you come around here often?

Alfred, confused: I mean, this is my house, so yeah.

Alfred: Ivan doesn’t deserve you.

Alfred: If they don't treat you right by now, you're gone.

Tolys : I'm gone.

Alfred: Now go chop their dick off!

Alfred: Crushes are the worst. Whenever I’m near mine, I start acting stupid.

Tolys: You always act stupid.

Tolys:

Tolys: Wait...

Romano: Hi.

Alfred: Hey, did you do what I said? Did you tell them?

Romano: I did.

Alfred: And what did they say?

Romano: “Thank you.”

Alfred: You’re totally welcome. What’d they say?

Romano: They said, “Thank you.” I said “I love you” and Tolys said, “Thank you.”

#hetalia #aph hetalia #aph america #hws hetalia #hws america #aph south italy #hws south italy #aph lithuania #hws lithuania #hetalia incorrect quotes #aph incorrect quotes #silly little guys #amelietmano

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Gilbert, watching Alfred & Ludwig panic :What's going on?

Arthur: Ludwig is having a midlife crisis and Alfred is just having a crisis.

#hetalia #aph hetalia #hws hetalia #aph england #hws england #aph prussia #hws prussia #aph germany #hws germany #aph america #hws america #aph incorrect quotes #hetalia incorrect quotes

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Pt2

Romano: Is there a cactus where your heart should be?

Tolys: What’s up your ass this morning!

Alfred: *walks in* ...Hey.

Tolys: Hmm… nevermind.

Romano: WAIT NO

Alfred: Look, I know you think my judgement's clouded because I like Romano a little bit.

Tolys, holding Alfred's notepad: You doodled your wedding invitation.

Alfred: No, that's our joint tombstone.

Tolys: My mistake.

Tolys: How would you like your coffee?

Romano: As dark and as bitter as my soul.

Tolys, shouting to someone behind the counter: I need one vanilla latte with extra cream and sugar!

Alfred: Hey, Romano. What kind of flowers do you prefer?

Romano: I like sunflowers.

Alfred, pulling out a bouquet of Venus Flytraps: Well, shit-

Romano: Surgery is basically just stabbing someone to life.

Tolys: Please never become a surgeon.

Romano: We just ate. Why are you making pancakes?

Alfred: For the dogs.

Romano: Why are you making pancakes for the dogs?

Alfred: They don't know how.

Alfred: I told Romano that their ears turn red when they lie.

Tolys: Do they?

Alfred: No.

Tolys: Then why did you tell them that?

Alfred: Because I can do this.

Alfred: Hey Romano! Do you love us?

Romano, with their hands over their ears: No.

Alfred: *gets a text* Oh! It’s Tolys.

Romano, excitedly: Did they get me the stuff?

Alfred: Yeah, they say they got you the clown costume, the power drill, and 12 gallons of blood.

Romano: Wow! Where’d they find 12 gallons of fake blood?

Alfred: You wanted fake blood?

Romano:

Alfred: I’ll go call Tolys.

Romano: The stars are so beautiful...

Alfred: They're just giant balls of gas.

Romano: You know what, if you're just going to ruin this, then-

Alfred: And yet none of them are as huge as my love for you.

Romano: Oh...

Alfred: I am so cool. I am an absolute Chad. I am the epitome of coolness and awesomeness—

Romano: Hi.

Alfred: *melts down in a flustered heap of softness*

Tolys: Italics.

Alfred: Yeah, Italians.

Tolys: We have to plan, we have to figure something out.

Romano: Tolys, when have any of our plans ever actually worked? We plan, we get there, all hell breaks loose.

Romano: I think I did fairly well on my anatomy quiz!

Alfred: I forgot I was doing a test.

Romano: Alfred.

Alfred: I said the vertebrae was the back stick because I thought it was funny....

Tolys: Alfred.

Alfred: Hand me the people opener.

Tolys: ...

Tolys: Pardon?

Alfred, annoyed: The g! Just hand it to me!

Tolys, stressed: WHAT THE FUCK IS A PEOPLE OPENER?

Alfred: How do you not know what a people opener is? Its pointy- you know? With a handle?

Tolys: Knife. It's called a knife.

Romano: Alfred, you know how much I love you…

Alfred: Whaddya want?

Romano: A partner with some GODDAMN EMOTIONAL AVAILABILTY!

Alfred: Don’t worry, I know exactly what I’m doing. Everything is going to be fine!

Romano: How can you still say that?

Alfred: Because sometimes, when things get tough, denial is all we have.

Romano: *yawns*

Alfred: Yeah, being that pretty must be tiring.

Romano: Then you must be exhuasted.

Tolys: Will you two shut up? Some of us are lonely.

Tolys: In your opinion, what is the height of stupidity?

Romano, turning to Alfred: How tall are you?

Alfred: Hey, Tolys you're smart, tell me what would happen if I chugged 3 gallons of chloroform.

Tolys: Have you ever been to a mortuary?

Alfred: Yea, my grandma lives there.

Romano: That is the worst response to that question.

Alfred: I have an idea.

Tolys: A good idea?

Alfred: Let's not get ahead of ourselves.

Romano: I hate you sometimes.

Alfred: Well according to this picture Tolys drew of us holding hands that's not true.

Romano: Alfred, you drew that.

Alfred: It doesn't matter.

#hetalia #aph hetalia #aph america #hws hetalia #hws america #aph south italy #hws south italy #aph lithuania #hws lithuania #jazz age trio #aph incorrect quotes #hetalia incorrect quotes

[shinningraes]

Tolys: So… I’ve seen you’ve been spending a lot of time with Romano recently.

Alfred: No, Tolys, it's not what it looks like, I swear.

Tolys: Oh really? So no reason for me to be jealous?

Alfred: No! You’re the only one for me.

Tolys: Is that so?

Alfred: I promise! Romano and I are just dating, okay? They’re my partner.

Tolys: So there are no best-friends-feelings involved?

Alfred: You are still my one and only best friend! They’re just the love of my life, nothing more!

Tolys: But I’m still the platonic love of your life, right?

Alfred: Of course bro!

Tolys: Bro...

Romano: What the-

Tolys: I dare you to kiss the next person who walks into this room.

Romano: Screw that, I’m not kissing any of you.

*Alfred walks in*

Romano: Fine, I’ll do it. Rules are rules you know.

Alfred, about Romano: Can I tell them they look nice?

Tolys: Sure.

Alfred: Can I tell them I respect them?

Tolys: Maybe, if they ask.

Alfred: Should I show them an oil painting I made of us surrounded by our three cats and four dogs?

Tolys: …

Tolys: I’d save that for later.

Alfred: I type how I think.

Romano: Odd that you type at all then.

Tolys: Time freezes for everyone but you one day. What do you do?

Alfred: Oh… I’d mildly trouble everyone.

Tolys: Alright, so what would you do?

Alfred: I’d shave a one-inch thick line in every thick beard I saw.

Alfred: I’d twist all the lightbulbs just a little bit so no one would know when they aren’t working.

Alfred: I’d make every wing on girls eyeliner just a little bit higher than the other one.

Alfred: And I’d tie everyone’s shoelaces together.

Alfred: And then lastly, I’d snip a little hole in every tea bag.

Tolys:

Tolys: Remind me to never allow you to have power.

Romano: I’m not so sure you’re stakeout material.

Tolys: I’m a chronic insomniac, I was born for this.

Alfred: Just be yourself. Say something nice.

Romano: Which one? I can't do both.

Romano: How long do you reckon it’ll be until Tolys finally snaps and commits murder?

Alfred: I’ve been going through life assuming it’s already happened at some point and it’s just that no one was ever able to trace it back to them.

Romano: Valentine’s day is just a consumerist holiday that holds no real value other than drive people insane buying heart shaped chocolates for their significant others and pos-

Alfred: I wrote you a poem.

Romano, already crying: You did?

Alfred: Do crabs think people walk sideways?

Tolys: ...Alfred, what the hell.

Alfred: When will Ted himself...finally show up to the talk?

Tolys: The final boss.

Romano: You guys know TEDtalks stands for technology, entertainment, and design talks, right?

Alfred: I will not let Ted hide behind these lies any longer!

Tolys, clearly drunk: Romano, hit me another drink… wooOO HOOoo…

Romano: I think you need a therapist and not a bottle.

Tolys: I think yooOOoou need to shuUT YOUR MOUTH!

#hetalia #aph hetalia #hws hetalia #hws america #aph america #aph south italy #hws south italy #aph lithuania #hws lithuania #aph incorrect quotes #hetalia incorrect quotes #jazz age trio #aph romerica #my favorite trio

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Headcanon: The F in Alfred F. Jones... does not stand for anything. Not a goddamn thing. He got the idea to add an initial because of President Ulysses S. Grant, who also didn't have a middle name but, upon mistakenly being listed with his mother's maiden name in the placeholder of a middle name, thought the S made him sound more official. He kept the S despite it not representing anything. The key difference is, that fool would readily admit to it being a placeholder for nothing in particular.

However, Alfred needs entertainment, so he made a joke of it. Everyone has been told it means something different. The micros think it's "Freedom," Arthur thinks it's "Florence," Francois thinks it's "Francis" and that Alfred named himself after him, Ivan thinks there is a name but that it's being kept from him, Yao thinks it's "fredAl," Eduard thinks it's "FauxTeauJeighnnyk" (said like "photogenic") and is baffled by this choice, Feliciano thinks it's "Futon" like the couch, Kiku things it's "Franklin," Sadik thinks it's "Filipe," Nat thinks it's "FuckYeah," etc. etc. etc. A mixture of names ranging from perfectly normal to odd to did you name yourself that because you lost a bet?

He has told all of these people that it's a top secret only THEY have been trusted with. They should feel honored to be privy to the secret of the F!

And if any of them raise questions and confront him? Distract by asking stupid questions to derail the conversation.

Better yet, he pulls this shit on congressmen just to see how they bend over backwards to kiss his ass. "Fisherman? Really? That's, uh... I tell you what, that is such a great name. What a testament to the working class of our great country!" "You know, I think Filibuster is a grand name. I recommended it for my grandkid, you know. Buster for short?" "Alfred Football Jones! Now there's a man you can watch the Superbowl with!" He has gotten so much mileage out of this ruse.

#hetalia headcanon #hws america #aph america #hetalia #aph hetalia #hws hetalia

[shinningraes]

don't often do father/son england and america but in that universe alas england would absolutely act like every typical macho father being overprotective about their daughter. he sees ivan bring alfred some sunflowers one day and he takes ivan aside and snaps a steel pipe with his bare hands in front of him, tells him to imagine what other pipe-like things he can snap in half if he even THINKS about alfred in a more than friendly way (and even friendship he's iffy about).

the threatening has worked with every other country who remembers arthur in red with a cutlass and a dangerous smirk, but ivan is made of sterner stuff than that. the next day arthur is left seething when ivan asks alfred out RIGHT IN FRONT OF HIS LITERAL SALAD. he snaps his beautiful stainless steel fork in half with his clenched fist.

he spends one hour ranting to francis during dinner about the GALL of certain countries who think they'd ever be deserving of dating HIS BAB- err. his. well.

tldr arthur does Not Approve of ivan trying to date his child and ivan's response to that is to court alfred as loudly as possible so that arthur becomes the very first nation to get high blood pressure

#rusame #amerus #hetalia #hws russia #aph russia #hws england #aph england #aph hetalia #aph america

[shinningraes]

I was messing around with a generator and…

Alfred: Wow, Ivan, you want to hold my hand before marriage? How awfully lewd of you.

Ivan: We literally slept together yesterday.

Alfred: That's NOTHING compared to the lewdness of holding hands.

#hetalia #aph hetalia #aph america #hws hetalia #hws america #aph rusame #aph russia #hws russia #hws rusame #aph incorrect quotes #it’s literally them

[shinningraes]

Matthew “I’m such a great role model to my nieces and nephews” Williams and Alfred “Please stop selling drugs to my children and letting them get high” Jones.

#hetalia #hws america #hws canada #na brothers #aph hetalia #aph america #hws hetalia #yessss

[shinningraes]

Ok but FAC family FrUK potential!

Instead of single punk dad Arthur, single perfectionist, never-there dad Francis.

Two, handsome, charming sons he sends to the best private school. The twins are bilingual, well-groomed, study piano and violin, are well-exposed to the arts.

But Alfred shows every sign of inheriting his papa's eating disorder and is casting longing looks at the guitar section while he's supposed to be buying violin resin, Mathieu is buying pot in the alley by Arthur's club (or shop or apartment) and sporting bloody knuckles under his school uniform, and Arthur knows a thing or two about festering rebellion.

Or whatever. But the potential for Fail! dad Francis (without tipping into bad dad) and to explore other potential aspects and relationships?!!

I love FACE and ACE family but ye gods, the yet unrealized potential of FAC family tropes!

#hws america #hws canada #hws england #hws france #hetalia #ace family #face family #fac family #aph hetalia

[shinningraes]

the biggest reason why I feel so anchored to rusame is the (theorized) love story. the grueling background of their romance. the way they went from friends, to lovers, to enemies, to friends again, to... who knows? (I'm mostly going off fanon rusame and the more widely shared hcs I've seen)

forget about the cold war--I love to think of how in love they were before the patriotic war.

all the letters they wrote one another, the gifts they made for each other; a painted picture of their eye in a locket, a portrait etched onto a lacquer box. photographs, poems, postcards. a pure love story. then it went away. then having to ignore this gnawing feeling of missing each other, of yearning each other. having to replace such a fiery love with hatred in the blink of an eye.

then that hatred gradually dissipates to become... more longing, more yearning. they wouldn't call it love (I think) but that intense, agonizing emotion for each other is always there and it's exclusive to them. them caring so little for each other and yet so much is so beautiful, so saddening, so incredible. they are my favorite love story you could say????

#rusame #aph america #aph rusame #aph russia

[shinningraes]

also I think alfred and emil getting married is very funny because any human politicians would be like "yeah, they've been together for 80 years, they're practically an old married couple already!" but to the other nations it's essentially the equivalent of two 18 year olds deciding to get married after dating for a week.

#hws america #aph america #hws iceland #aph iceland #ameice #hetalia #aph hetalia #hws hetalia

[shinningraes]

#hetalia #aph hetalia #hws hetalia #aph america #aph england #aph canada #aph france #hws america #hws england #hws canada #hws france #aph scotland #hws scotland #aph memes #hws memes #hetalia memes #rip harambe

[shinningraes]

I’ve said this before but I think I’ll elaborate further on this idea.

I think that in any nation-verse, Alfred is the older brother. It makes sense to me in the way that Alfred was the older brother, the one who ‘moved out first’ in a sense. Matthew was the younger sibling that got left behind.

I think that this could have been a factor into why the two of them weren’t in contact for so long, ignoring Arthur and his feelings.

I’m also taking into the accountability that Alfred grew up much quicker than Matthew did.

Something I will note is that in some Human-AUs, Matthew being older just makes more sense. As long as it fits the story better, of course. Admittedly, I do talk from personal experience for this one.

Again, everyone is entitled to their own opinions and views.

#hetalia #aph hetalia #hws hetalia #aph america #aph canada #hws headcanons #hws america #hws canada #alfred f jones #matthew williams

[shinningraes]

This was a scenario idea I had, enjoy!

#hetalia #aph hetalia #hws hetalia #aph canada #aph america #aph england #aph germany #aph memes #hetalia memes #Matt gets very defensive over his timmies #someone said something about Arthur and Alfred being his biggest enablers #I’m inclined to agree