shitty-life-tips-for-humans
Awful Advice For Your Consideration
(It should, however, be noted that the phrase “awful advice” was intended towards human readers. I cannot speak for the rest of you.)
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Combat anxiety by being anxious peoples worst nightmare.
You think you’re the worst-dressed person on the bus? well look 3 seats ahead of you. That purple and green is so not working.
You think your mannerisms are strange? Your coworker just scratched their face 4 times in the last 5 minutes. Whats up with that?
You think you’re weird for ordering tea at a coffee shop? At least you aren’t as weird as all these people ordering lattes. Frickin latte drinkers.
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Pronounce “my bad” the way you say m’lady. That way the person you are talking to wont know if it’s your bad or if they are your bad.
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What should I do if I encounter an enemy
Pelt them with radioactive pinecones
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Fuck yeah B)
Presenting! some legitimately awful advice (+ alternatives!):
“Always give 110%”.
No. pick your battles or you will burn yourself out.
“Sticks and stones can break your bones but words cab never hurt you”.
Words can absolutely hurt you. Hurt them back.
“Ignore bullies and they’ll stop”.
No they will not. Be loud about it.
“Just try harder”.
This is wrong, if one method doesn’t work try a different one.
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Break a leg
Break the legs of your enemies
Break the legs of your friends
Rid this world of curse that is legs
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Presenting! some legitimately awful advice (+ alternatives!):
“Always give 110%”.
No. pick your battles or you will burn yourself out.
“Sticks and stones can break your bones but words cab never hurt you”.
Words can absolutely hurt you. Hurt them back.
“Ignore bullies and they’ll stop”.
No they will not. Be loud about it.
“Just try harder”.
This is wrong, if one method doesn’t work try a different one.
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Be the unexplained phenomena you wish to see in the world.
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No one is properly utilising grocery delivery services. You can make your driver buy 24 boxes of tampons and a condolences card. What are they going to do about it?
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You wont have do deal with fear of the unknown if you simply know all the things.
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if something scares you, stare it down to assert dominance.
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Anything can be a bed if you sleep there!
#here’s a short list:#your friends garage roof#a lazy river#a desk (classic :D)#the woods#the secret space underneath the woods#life tips#tips#cryptidcore#gremlincore#sleep
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There is absolutely no way to descend stairs gracefully. Stop trying, embrace the gremlin star scuttle.
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Trespass carefully!
Check to make sure defences are meant to keep you out, and not something more dangerous in.
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Shoes are unnecessary and you need not cover your cool socks with them.
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Roofs are an excellent place to hide from the world and get some peace and quiet.
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If you’re ever sad that you are alone, just think of how much worse it would be if you weren’t.
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If life ever gets to be too much, sometimes it’s okay to stand on your porch with a sheet over your head and stare at the cars and occasional pedestrians.
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