sonounadea

[sonounadea]

Merry Christmas, you. I can’t help but think of you today. Wondering where you are, what you’re doing, if you’re having fun. It’s taking all of my strength not to reach out and wish you well. It goes against my nature, my heart. But I’m trying really hard to protect my heart and my worth above all. You don’t value me anymore and that’s a hard thing to reconcile.

And so I will let the day pass without speaking to you, without stoking the tiny flame that still rests inside me, hidden away. I’ll let it pass and you won’t reach out and it will be one more nail in the coffin. It will hurt, but it is necessary.

So I’ll just tell you Merry Christmas here, send it into the ether and hope it finds its way to you, in some small way.

[sonounadea]

[sonounadea]

[sonounadea]

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[sonounadea]

When I was 17 I walked around PCAS looking for a dog to adopt. We went there for about 3 days. The last day we were originally going to pick up a bulldog who was already getting adopted upon arrival. As I walked to the back I came across a dog just sitting there. Not barking. Not moving. Just staring. He looked so sad and hopeless. When we asked to see him in the back room he was so full of life. Out of that cage was a different dog. Only a short moment and I knew that’s who I wanted. My ex at the time insisted we walk around and keep looking. I couldn’t keep my mind off that dog. I was persistent. I kept saying “I want that one” and “I’m bringing him home”. My aunt drove up there to help me adopt him cause I was not 18 yet. Something about him touched my soul. I couldn’t tell you what it was but I just truly wanted him to come home. Ten years have passed since that day. Ten years and that dog got to meet two of my children. He got to experience a whole life with me. We couch hopped. We were homeless. And today we own our own home. He had his own space. And he got some siblings along the way. I don’t know where it all went wrong. I wish I did. I save animals all the time but I guess this wasn’t the time. I rushed him to the ER vet just to be told he was dying. This is something I did not want to accept. It was the hardest thing to accept. A few hours passed and he died next to me. I gave him his kisses and I told him how much I loved him and how sorry I was. I wish I did better. I know it’s not my fault but it sure feels like it. I feel like a piece of my heart left with you. I hope you are here with me and I hope you know how much I love you.

#rest in peace #dogsarefamily #i love you #hard times #shelter dogs #dogslife

[sonounadea]

"Self-control is strength. Calmness is mastery. You have to get to the point where your mood doesn’t shift based on the insignificant actions of someone else.  Don’t allow others to control the direction of your life. Don’t allow your emotions to overpower your intelligence." - Unknown

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Harajuku, Tokyo

[sonounadea]

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