sweetfacebabyyy - Tumblr blog

sweetfacebabyyy · 2 years

Text

Hot love- Hot blood❤️‍🔥

Hey good night to those who are up.. today’s blog will be something that’s on my mind.. Everything in life.. all is unknown to us.. We aren’t given a set rules or guidebook to go by. Life can definitely give you a whirlpool of emotions & my life the last week has been that. Not only did I loose a family member but I lost one of those people you meet in your life .. that’s meant to be one of your “soulmates”. Y’all are probably reading this like .. “one of many”.. such a polygamy .. and I’m not. You have friends.. lovers.. and companions .. so “soulmates”..

So to capitalize on so many thoughts that I wrote in my first paragraph this blog will be about love of a family member and love of a soulmate.

My mind has been so tired this week.. stressed taking off work for my mental stability.. for my aunt.. not knowing I would loose someone bigger to me in my life.. my aunt yes was big to me don’t get me wrong, but have you ever had such a dysfunctional family it’s better to stay away.. Am I wrong for using the time off for me to breathe and meditate? I am all the way in reno and my family is in California when your not mobile, that access could be difficult. So my mind was like okay, I was feeling overwhelmed by situations in my life.. that was a easy way to be like okay 3 days off paid.. let me do that. I love my family.. but you know toxic is toxic. But I used that as advantage.. so to cut that short, I was upset about my aunt Wanda passing and it hit home cause she was a second mom.. but I haven’t ate at a family holiday in like 4 years.. so? Enough said. Love wasn’t there and I wasn’t going to beg for it, that’s a story for a different day.. so that was a RIP to my aunt, and that’s that. I have a lot of things in my life to be grateful for.. family isn’t a big one.. so that was short.. sorry to those who have a good family.. but shit ain’t sweet over here.. it’s uncensored.. unfiltered thoughts & feelings..Now let me get to where my heart hurts.. I lost someone I genuinely loved.. I genuinely cared for and I’d drop anything for.. but our paths crossed again when I wasn’t “available.. as I should have been.. I tried.. but my “toxic” life is for another day.. this is for my soul love.. or soul tie right now.. as I was saying.. I wasn’t available because when you get caught in life.. drugs.. feelings .. you can loose what is most important to you.. and I did. And I can’t forgive how blissful I was to it.. I was so into my feelings.. my head.. my “fake problems” or my fucking anxiety pushing me away.. saying “stay alone.. no one loves you.. bleh bleh bleh..” and I did that.. let me take time to breathe.. “zen like I said”… but I closed out someone who needed my love.. Kyle roberts this is for you.. I love you.. I’ve always loved you.. you have been what I’ve needed.. what I have wanted.. but drugs took you.. drugs could do what I couldn’t .. I couldn’t numb you from all your hurt drugs could. This is for those who lost someone from any sort of drug.. it’s not your fault.. I’m dealing with that thought as I type this.. he was not in the best situation.. and I over extended myself cause I knew that’s what he needed.. imagine reconnecting with a old lover.. you know someone who’s truly special.. and if you never found that.. you will. There will be many times.. many soulmates.. but this is a soul lover.. I loved his soul. So when he called I was there.. I reached out.. I reached out for months.. after we stopped talking .. and I did think he died .. but then out of nowhere.. I get a text.. my whole world was up.. when you think you lost someone and they come back.. It’s like receiving water in a drought… I was alive again .. we were talking.. we were texting.. showing love.. I felt loved and cared for.. I felt like a princess again.. when I’ve been neglected in my relationship now.. that’s why I showed him attention.. is that my fault? No.. I loved him. Let me tell you why I’m hurt.. why this is fucking with my sanity.. is I feel like I could have stopped it.. I could have showed compassion.. understanding.. and it would have been ok.. I think..we made plans for valentines .. I had the worst valentines.. that will be for another time.. but he was making plans.. drove out to my town without me knowing but he was out.. waiting .. and waiting .. and my depression made me cut him off.. again in my own damn head.. when I should have been there.. sent him some $ cause I wasted time.. but that was the 1st mistake I made… he texted.. I apologized.. we talked he told me how he felt.. and disappeared for 2 days… I was like okay.. Kyle.. I get your mad but you loved me and all my flaws but still wanted me.. still said you loved me.. still melt my heart.. and you made me feel whole again .. I kept texting.. calling.. (pt.2 coming)❤️

0 notes