#“You did say we just had to do this so’s people’d believe—” he began and then stopped and started again.

[p4nishers]

god. GOD. the underlying anger in everything terry writes really IS apparent in hogfather bc fuck u mean this is how things should be? no the fuck it shouldn't. poor people shouldn't have to be satisfied with what they get, that's just fucking capitalism. i REALLY like that terry decided to use death as projection for what he thinks bc death doesn't know anything and it has to be explained to him and by it being explained to him it shows how fucking stupid those things are. bc ok here's this world where an equivalent of santa ACTUALLY exists and, because it mirrors our world, it's still unjust. santa actually fucking exists in this world and he could give ANYONE ANYTHING bc he's essentially a god and people gave him that power by making him up, BUT because ppl imagined him in a way that poor people don't get shit (like they usually do) and rich people get EVERYTHING they want, he exists like that. whereas death has seen the absolutely WORST of humanity and he STILL thinks that's bullshit and it's not how it should be, it's just how it goes. bc capitalism is always capitalism where there's money and the world will always be fucked up as long as there are oppressor to hold it up. like i just.

#IT IS HOGSWATCH said Death AND PEOPLE DIE ON THE STREETS. PEOPLE FEAST BEHIND LIGHTED WINDOWS AND OTHER PEOPLE HAVE NO HOMES. IS THIS FAIR? #“Well of course that’s the big issue—” Albert began. THE PEASANT HAD A HANDFUL OF BEANS AND THE KING HAD SO MUCH HE WOULD NOT EVEN NOTICE #THAT WHICH HE GAVE AWAY. IS THIS FAIR? “Yeah but if you gave it all to the peasant then in a year or two he’d be just as snooty as the king #NAUGHTY AND NICE? said Death. BUT IT’S EASY TO BE NICE IF YOU’RE RICH. IS THIS FAIR? #“You did say we just had to do this so’s people’d believe—” he began and then stopped and started again. #“When it comes to fair master you yourself—”I AM EVENHANDED TO RICH AND POOR ALIKE snapped Death. #i love him i love him #discworld #gnu terry pratchett #discworld death #hogfather

[jimbartholomew]

‘Tis the Season: HO HO HO

Below I have transcribed a few paragraphs from one of my all-time favorite books, “Hogfather” by Terry Pratchett. I read it every year, right before Christmas, just as I try to watch “Scrooged” with Bill Murray, or “A Christmas Carol” with Alistair Sim, or George C. Scott, or Captain Picard, or the Muppets. It helps to remind me of all the things I need to keep in mind at this time of year: to be kind, and tolerant, and irreverent, and human. I am using it without permission of the author or his survivors, but I do it with great respect and the desire that more people seek out his books. His Discworld novels are brilliant and will make you laugh out loud in public places and shoot milk out your nose if you’re not careful. Remember: you’ve been warned!

As a brief set-up, (so that you don’t start out too confused by it all): When the Hogfather, an anthropomorphic personification who brings all the little children of the Discworld gifts on Hogswatch Eve Night (sound familiar?) is not available one year, DEATH (who speaks in capital letters) steps in to the red suit, jumps into the flying sled (which is pulled by four boars) with his assistant, Albert, (a rather jaundiced pixie), and makes the Fat Man’s rounds so that the tradition will not be broken. The following conversation regarding the “true meaning of Hogswatch” takes place after the duo deliver a rather embarrassed peasant from the “charity” visit of an unnamed King (Wences-something?) and his page. DEATH is feeling rather disenchanted by it all.

“He’d thought that Hogswatch was all. . .plum pudding and brandy and ho ho ho and he didn’t have the kind of mind that could ignore all the other stuff. And so it hurt him.

IT IS HOGSWATCH, said Death, AND PEOPLE DIE ON THE STREETS. PEOPLE FEAST BEHIND LIGHTED WINDOWS AND OTHER PEOPLE HAVE NO HOMES. IS THIS FAIR?

‘Well, of course, that’s the big issue-‘Albert began.

THE PEASANT HAD A HANDFUL OF BEANS AND THE KING HAS SO MUCH HE WOULD NOT EVEN NOTICE THAT WHICH HE GAVE AWAY. IS THIS FAIR?

‘Yeah, but if you gave it all to the peasant then in a year or two he’d be just as snooty as the king –‘ began Albert, jaundiced observer of human nature.

NAUGHTY AND NICE? said Death. BUT IT’S EASY TO BE NICE IF YOU’RE RICH. IS THIS FAIR?

Albert wanted to argue. He wanted to say, Really? In that case, how come so many of the rich buggers is bastards? And being poor don’t mean being naughty, neither. We was poor when I were a kid, but we was honest. Well, more stupid than honest, to tell the truth. But basically honest.

He didn’t argue, though. The master wasn’t in any mood for it. He always did what needed to be done.

‘You did say we just had to do this so’s people’d believe- he began, and then stopped and started again. ‘When it comes to fair, master, you yourself-‘

I AM EVEN-HANDED TO RICH AND POOR ALIKE, snapped Death. BUT THIS SHOULD NOT BE A SAD TIME. THIS IS SUPPOSED TO BE THE SEASON TO BE JOLLY. He wrapped his red robe around him. AND OTHER THINGS ENDING IN OLLY, he added.”