#'its okay! youre not in trouble!'

[jvzebel-x]

🦋

#so ive been in contact w a clinic for a specific treatment plan&ive been getting paperwork together for this shit for like 3wks+ #&i just got a call about it-- a call ive been waiting for since last week-- only for them to tell me that #ill probably need to be hospitalized for the full extent of the treatment. lmao. #as if this in&of itself was not enough to send me full-on spiraling they let know that this will be totally out of pocket #(which i guess im more or less used to hearing at this point in my life lmao) #&also that i POPPED FOR AMPHETAMINES? #so i immediately start fucking freaking out&the person im talking to is trying to calm me down like #'its okay! youre not in trouble!' #&honest to god if i had been in person i wouldve smacked someone lmao. #i dont give a fuck what you fucking ppl think of me. ive been fighting for solid communication for this entire process #there isnt any reason i should feel inclined to respect any of you bitches enough to give a fuck about your opinion. #even if i didnt have my personal history or occupational hazard list IT WOULD BE CONCERNING TO FIND OUT I HAVE RANDOM DRUGS #IN MY SYSTEM THAT I WAS UNAWARE OF. &frankly that SHOULD be fucking obvious if i am panicking at all. #seeing as a did several different drug tests i dont see how any of it would come as a fucking surprise. #... then she realized that my blood test was negative&my piss test was 'presumptively positive' #&was like that bc of one of my other medications. #im not. THRILLED. that this was overlooked for a large variety of reasons lmao #but the fact that the med evals only last two weeks tops the list bc if i need to retest bc of this shit-- something that wont even #give them a different test result as i am still taking the same medication fucking daily as i have been for over a year now-- #i will need to do EVERYTHING again. for no reason. DEFINITELY for no reason caused by me. #all so they can tell me that they lied to me initially&they wont treat me unless i let them hospitalize me lmao. #im going to go fucking rabid. i Do Not want to be hospitalized. lmao.

[mhaynoot]

underrated joongdok moment but i just find it hilarious that kim dokja's narration is always describing yjh as having an "emotionless face" or some variation on angry but whenver it shifts to anyone else its always yjh being the most tsun guy possible when kdj does anything

#yes its usually murderous intent but its like loving murderous intent okay #orv #joongdok #orv spoilers #also yoo mia totally called him out and i will never not cackle #ehehehehe youre happppyyy with him loser #also kdj kin moment cause i too have a lot of trouble differentiating emotions #especislly negative emotions #orv analysis

[skitskatdacat63]

I don't know how I'd ever convey this in art but. Thinking very deeply about how in boy king au, a very crucial part of characterization is that Seb is a wolf in sheep(or lamb more specifically)'s clothing and Fernando is a sheep in wolf's clothing.

Seb is very unassuming, very delicate, seemingly very vulnerable and malleable. But, deep down, he can be very ruthless. It's in the the way he hesitantly declares war, with a spark in his eye and a suppressed smirk. In the way he challenges someone to a card game or a horse race, proclaiming that he's not great, but winning every round and prancing around the room and mentioning it ad infinitum. The way he's able to instantly turn the tide in a debate in one fell swoop. By showing all his cards constantly and letting himself be vulnerable, he's making himself invulnerable. No one would ever consider him to be able to make big moves, so he wins every single time, because no one even thinks to expect it from him.

Fernando on the other hand, is constantly committed to having a looming presence and harsh reputation, but deep down, he's soft. He knows what happens to people when they're vulnerable, and he's not going to let himself be taken advantage of. The way he keeps a brave face when being informed of the marriage proposal, but goes back to his room and cries. The way he proclaims that he was always going to be the rightful ruler of Spain, but confides to Flavio that he never thought there was any real chance of it ever happening. The way he takes himself so seriously in public, but inside feels so giddy whenever he can make someone laugh. Everything to him always feels unstable and ready to crumble at any moment, and he's not willing to contribute to that by letting himself relax.

I think thats why it's very difficult for them to get along at first, because they have completely different approaches to how they carry themselves and make their way through life. Seb is confused at Fernando because he feels that he's very bland and overly serious at first, but truthfully he's not really seeing the actual Fernando. And Fernando finds Seb to be naive and easily taken advantage of, but that's because he's never seen Seb at his most cruel. Seb really loves when he eventually gets to see Fernando being vulnerable, and Fernando really admires and respects Seb when he sees him being serious. I think it just takes a while for them to show the other their full and complete selves, even the parts they can sometimes be ashamed of. There's this very compelling dichotomy in Seb laying out all his cards, but still being very difficult to read, and Fernando keeping his cards to his chest, but his intentions often being easily seen through.

#meanwhile everyone else: what is this weird fucked up mating ritual they are participating in #though i think its very interesting how their motivations differ #seb wants to lull people into a false sense of security(and also really just likes to be his complete unadulterated self) #and fernando is guarding himself because he doesn't want to get hurt #and i think seb convinces Fernando that its okay to be openly soft and yourself :) not eveyrone is out to get you #and fernando teaches seb hey maybe dont invite this obvious assassin to your chambers????? #i think seb also has insecurites but Fernando's are just more easy to explain bcs hes in a much more difficult situation #at the end of the day both of them are putting on facades in some way #(i think seb likes to be himself but also does feel really hurt when people dont think he has the capacity or ability to rule effectively) #(he likes to be kind and playful and doesnt want to obscure that part of himself. but hes aware it can hurt his image unfortunately) #also lol the way i characterize fernando is very historically accurate btw #bcs the spanish court tradition was basically to be above it all and be a lofty unobtainable figure if that makes sense #yknow having just this insane level of confidence and infallible image of yourself as the ruler #the guy seb is based on really bought into that idea but i dont think it really suits seb so yeah #seb I think is very much a unique figure that others have a lot of trouble reading him and his intentions. which is great! #AAAAAHHH MAN FELT REALLY GOOD TO WRITE ALL THAT OUT !!!!!!!!! #i love writing their characterization so fucking much you dont understand #its nice to put it in words like this bcs yknow i dont rly enjoy actual writing. but this i enjoy greatly #hope this is compelling to more than just me hahaha #boy king au #catie.rambling.txt #vettonso

[vindegramont]

*knocks on the door* “Hey, Bisset, Chidi, Open up, fo’ me, will ya, sha? It startin’ to rain bad bad” *Georgia/Gigi leans against the door, figuring one of the two would answer her, having surprised herself by remembering how to even get there in the first place*

@alice-of-hightable

[ A familiar voice outside the door, the Marquis has the doors be opened just in time for a cold breeze to have swept the outside. ]

➜ The doors of the estate open

“ 𝐆𝐄𝐎𝐑𝐆𝐈𝐀 𝐒𝐂𝐎𝐓𝐓 ? I am rather . . . surprised to see you here in the middle of central Paris than the Continental in New York . ”

“ And I’m also surprised that you are a little… how to say this ? Vous avez besoin de vous rafraîchir (You need to freshen up) . Just a tiny bit. ”

[ She has not changed. Still a little condescending with more respect attached to his actions and words for Georgia since they know eachother. ]

#ooc: sorry for late reply i was fucking up a cake and scrolling thru facebook #rp account #john wick rp account #marquis vincent de gramont #john wick rp acc #marquis de gramont rp #high table rp #john wick roleplay #oc & canon #LANG: FR #LANG: EN #georgia ‘gigi’ scott #( ooc: i hope its not much trouble but i have trouble reading your rp texts😭 ) #( ooc: is it okay if you add a space seperating actions and words? :3 )

[good-beanswrites]

hello beans!! hope you're doing well 💜 ^w^ I know you've probably gotten a lot of requests - but I'm gonna add to that pile anyway because it's fun and also your writing is wonderful and always cheers me up to read!! I'm so inspired by your drabbles and you really bring these characters and this little world to life ;w;

From drabble list #1:

14. "Please tell me, this is not why you woke me up."

Character(s): honestly anyone, but my gut was saying Es as soon as I saw that sentence so... up to you!

Woo thank you pal, same to you!! Thanks for your kind words ah ;--; This is the perfect line for Es omg, I've been cracking up over it for so long 😂 I was tempted to write them waking up for T2, taking one look around and going "uh-uh," but decided on some T1 comedy...

Es rarely dreamed. Usually it was vague images and thoughts. Sometimes it was just them thinking about breakfast the following morning. Occasionally they were plagued by a nightmare of being forced to sing karaoke with the prisoners. Most of the time, though, it was just silence that welcomed them at the end of the day. Wonderful, peaceful, silence.

BANG-BANG-BANG!

Someone slammed their fist on the door. Es just about fell out of bed.

Mikoto’s voice came from outside. “Oi, get up! There’s been… uh… an incident!”

That was the last thing a prison guard wanted to hear at -- Es checked the clock -- 2am. Damn. 

They muttered to themself as they threw on their uniform. Why the prison’s cells didn’t lock was beyond them. Some of the prisoners were more troublesome than others, but the first trial had been going smoothly thus far. Why now? 

Their mind flashed with various possibilities, each one worse than the last, all urging them forward. By the time they were running down the hallway, their shirt buttons were a row off, and they had to switch their shoes to the opposite foot. They adjusted the cap clumsily on their head.

Fear gripped their chest as they heard Jackalope’s voice crying out for help from the panopticon. Jackalope never called for help. 

Es burst into the room. The prisoners froze, looking up guiltily. 

They sat in a huddle on the floor. Yuno and Muu held the little furry warden over a tub of sudsy water. Bottles of soap and shampoo sat nearby. An assortment of brushes and combs sat to the side. Splashes of water spread across the prisoners and ground, speaking to several failed attempts at getting Jackalope into the bath.

Nearby, Mahiru was holding up the tiny guard’s uniform, her sewing kit spread out on her lap. Es spotted bandages on Yuno’s and Kazui’s fingers. Shidou was currently dabbing blood off Fuuta’s nose as he fumed. Jackalope leaned over to nip at the hands holding him, but Yuno and Muu held him fast.

“Es!” came his frantic voice as he thrashed around. “You gotta help me! Make them stop, dammit!” 

From the group of prisoners who had been watching from a distance, Haruka turned to them. “Oh! Es! Th-they thought that he needed a -- uh, a bath! His uniform had a h-hole, and Mahiru can s-sew! And they thought, they thought we could do it all t-together… Muu called it a -- a spa night…” 

“At two in the morning?” Was all that came to mind.

“We tried to get him to do it earlier today,” Muu said, “but we didn’t get a chance until now.”

“They didn’t get a chance to kidnap me, she means!” He squirmed around some more, swinging his antlers wildly. “They hid around the corner and nabbed me like the filthy criminals they are!!”

Yuno said, “hold still,” as she brought him closer to the water. He kicked his feet wildly, screaming at Es to show a little authority and do something. 

“Hold on a second,” they stopped her.

They closed their eyes, pinching the bridge of their nose. They took a measured breath. They were here to contemplate sin and crime, guilt and forgiveness. Their job should have consisted of questions about morality and life and death; they never anticipated looking around their prison and asking, “is human shampoo even safe for his fur?”

Kotoko spoke up from the other side of the room. “That’s what I thought, but is he really a rabbit? He eats human food and everything, we didn’t think a bit of soap was that different.”

Jackalope disagreed (“that stuff is as bad as poison -- poison I tell you!”) but the others chimed in with their agreement. From around the room came promises that they were being gentle with him, and that they’d keep quiet, and that they’d dry and brush his fur really well when they’d finished, and that they’d feed him treats, and that his uniform was already good as new, and so on. A few complaints at getting bit mingled with Jackalope’s own insults. 

“-- Alright.” Es held up a hand to silence them all. They knew a warden shouldn’t be making compromises with their prisoners. At the same time, they didn’t have the energy to argue about bunny baths at this time of night. “You can continue, but wash him outside of the tub. And go easy on the shampoo. Any mess you make must be cleaned by morning.” 

They were met with excitement and thanks. Jackalope grumbled that they were too soft, but he sounded relieved as he was whisked away from the dreaded bathwater. 

Es sighed. There may have been a few bites and bumps, but that was all. No emergency, no fight, no danger plagued Milgram tonight. Their relief quickly turned to annoyance. They leveled their gaze at Mikoto as he entered from the hallway behind.

“Please tell me this isn’t why you woke me up.”

“Huh? Oh, this? No, no -- we have everything under control. Aw, Mappi, that looks great!”

He pointed at her sewing job, revealing bandages on his hands as well. It looked like no one was safe from the rabbit’s little teeth… Then Mikoto jabbed a thumb casually over his shoulder. “Nah, the faucet in the men’s room broke when we tried filling the basin. The whole room’s flooded now. I think it’s gonna start spilling into the hallway soon.”

“WHAT?”

#milgram #es #jackalope #mikoto kayano #and some others #rip es... they are eternally dealing with So Much Bullshit.... 😂😂😂 #half the fun was actually writing it and the half of it was sitting around brainstorming all the options of trouble the prisoners could #be getting into at odd hours of the night LMAO #i cycled through so many dares/challenges (the fucked up high school variety) - competitions - show offs - crazy games #and thats Before i considered the genuine trouble they could get into #the line was so versatile asdfsdfsd #anyway uhh dont try this at home and all that -- apparently bathing bunnies IS bad for their fur and very distressing 💀 #but im sure our little cryptid prison warden can handle it... #amane and haruka arent involved directly but they are chilling okay #its getting more and more difficult to write milgram humor as they reveal more and more character trauma but im trying!! 😭 #thank you so much for the request! these have been such a blast -- i really appreciate it! you are so kind :') #i hope youre doing well and taking good care of yourself pal!!👍✨ #i hope you enjoy :D #drabbles

[stamplerfag]

im gonna answer the other ask later but TRANSFEM SCARY I WAS. ALSO THINKING HBBBGNN

#willy goes both ways abt such things bcus. one he is a misogynist and a homophobe or at least was on earth. obviously #and he still holds you know that. hypermasculine toxic mindset as of s1 based on the uhhh #“overly feminine namby pamby” whatever he says #(kicking myself for not having it memorized) #but i assume that he encountered more variable things in the forgotten realms that may have made him more normal abt. gender variance there #god okay i. hes not. he has an opinion of “you can be a freak if you want whatever. ill play pretend with you. ill tolerate it.” #i really like transmasc ron for similar reasons.. of.... especially when they meet in the cabin where hes cooking fish #and willys like “thats right get some bass in your voice boy !!” #like i know its just regular like. ron isnt masculine enough. but it reads very sarcastic.... #“get some bass in your voice” like . you wanna be a boy so bad okay. ill humor you. hahahah. man up then. #um but transfem scary i like a similar. thing. of.... tolerating her being a girl and playing along but always being. #kind of chiding about it. #im so worried were not on the same pagw #which is fine obviously but i get so shy abt when. someone offers me headcanons that i dont agree with and i have to be like #“hahaha yeah whatever you say” like i cant say anything back cus its Wrong to me. BUT. #god though yeah her. visibly being hard around him & its both deeply sort of gross but very flattering to him like. i can work with this... #i think of him as a. opportunist. hes not into cock & not into kids really. dwindling upwards of teen girls but eh. #so when a cute troubled teen girl is literally. offering herself up to you at your feet man its like. why would i say no !! ♡ #hes more into taking advantage of her than any of her personal details you know. like her as a person doesnt really. matter. who cares #shes available and stupid and looking to him for advice and validation. #sorry again i havent LISTENED TO ANY OF THIS. I CAN BE WRONG #didnt anthony make the joke abt willy not being brave enough to try pegging. maybe this is his chance #who said that. who. said that #you really want to manipulate a teen girl then you humble yourself and suck her cock and shes yours forever. #im crazy. im crazy #.dxt #scary

[catgirlcrisis]

whoopsie-daisie hit reblog too fast

#supporting mental health conditions is not the same as enabling them but god forbid anyone on tumblr have fucking nuance. or care #Please brush your teeth and take a shower and clean your bedroom #if you cant do these things all at once or have trouble doing them #thats okay! #but You have to do them #Ok #You have to do them. And you have to recognize that not being able to them are harmful behaviors #hygiene isnt just about like... its not just superficial? you know? #and youre going to get really sick if you dont! okay! #same with cleaning your room! it can be super dangerous to your health if you never clean up #AND living in clutter is not good for the mental all the time! trust me ive been there #if you have trouble cleaning your room *takes your hand* its okay. so do i #if you have trouble keeping up with your hygiene *takes your hand* its okay. so do i! #but we shouldnt continue to enable these behaviors #and anyone who does and claims to be doing so in interest of supporting 'mental health' is #just a fucking liar #who needs help themselves #imho as someone whos in recovery :/ #Please andastand sometimes you gotta do things that are hard that u dont like because they are good for you and your physical health #as well as your mental health too

[aro-ortega]

constantly thinking about lonely!ortega

#hi im dani im going to combine elements from the media i enjoy #not necessarily in a -the entities are now also a thing in los diablos- way #just in a. the lonely is neat and its the best way to describe it way #but like. okay. imagine that you are ricardo ortega (lucky you !) #and it turns out that your best friend is still alive. and also he wants to and is kissing you now. and theres also this other girl you #you like who you kiss. and then you find out that theyve both been lying to you the whole time bc they are the same person #so your two romantic partners are not who you thiught they were at all #but also. at some point. apparently. your best friend and your oldest friend became friends #and not only friends but so close that when your best friend is in trouble and desperately needs help - #it is not necessarily you they go to for help. but your oldest friend instead #when did those two become friends ? how had you missed this ? do either of them even need you ? when they seem so happy together ? #+ your best friene and the man you love. can now barely look at you let alone talk to you. but he has no problem w looking at/talking to/ #/touching chen. not you. didnt they hate each other ? when did this happen ? how/why didnt you notice ? #are YOU the bad friend ? #ortega #op #fh

[mercless]

updated talons design... once more... to bring back the hair.

#‡ my art #OKAY IM DONE!!! PROMISE!!!! #a bonus eyepatch look too for your troubles #ive also updated pages with little fixes here and there. incoming updated pinned post! #im stealing the idea of having your muses theme song included that ive seen around cause its v cute

[ef-1]

the girls that get it, get it

#return of kelery kate! i never left i was just on a self destructive spiral #note to self dont wear your cunty little gym shorts shopping after gym bc men are gross #from a couple of weeks ago. i think im not as okay as i thought. ive been having trouble meditating and my sleep schedule is fucked again #after the first week after leaving south africa i thought i was okay but i literally think that was just me being determinedly delusional #i was having trouble eating and i had an msepisode and it makes senseand im trying to be better because i have to be better for myself #be better inspite of everything etc #so im taking my sleeping pills again and its making mornings a little harder and im dazed throughout the day but its for the better #take care of yourself! treat your body with love! love yourself! You're a little miracle and you dont have to earn self love. #being alive alone warrants being loved and loving yourself #anyway celery/ photo series

[nival-kenival]

The og leverage team has 5 people, there are 5 Thunderbirds...

#leverage #thunderbirds #I'm not sure if this is anything at all but you know when your brain combines hyperfixations? #like... okay it'd make sense for Eliot to be the pilot of 2 but I'm having trouble making the rest of them fit #is Hardison on 5 due to tech or is that more a Nate situation due to observation #Would Sophie pilot 1? in a first on scene kind of way or would Nate pilot 1 in the og way of command centre #I think Parker would do well with 3 (with either Nate or Hardison on 5 as a nice go between but also its fast as hell & space for redemption #but i could also see her doing well with 4 (and the interchangeability of the PODs) #I'm not sure if Hardison could pilot 4 as per the pool incident but then again Gordon piloted 4 after Stingray so thats in the air #nahl no

[mrfoox]

The fact I refuse to confront/inform the people who have basically ruined my mental state and my ability to function bc that would make them feel bad is honestly bonkers

#miranda talking shit #I cant say id be having a good and normal life if i wasnt abused as a young child but im 90% sure I'd not have this must trouble #Id still have my autistic and add problems but my anxiety and depression would definitely be a lot better #Its... Insane. That my older brothers probably have no idea how much they have actually ruined my life/mental state from such an earlh age #As 4 yrs old... Hell they might not even remember it or even think it was a 'big deal'. I know my second oldest brother probably falls into #The latter. I know now that they both most likely have undiagnosed adhd/autism and they used me as a way to act out/feel better #But being told youre stupid. Fat. Ugly. Useless from the age of 4 like... I cant stress how much it have ruined my self image #Ive tried to build confidence in myself and love myself since my teens and i can barely say im 'avarge' without doubting it #Like they also hit me but that's nothing compared to the mental torture i had to go through on an almost daily basis #Funniest thing is that bc it happened/started when i was so young i didnt think it was... Bad or weird or abnormal. #I started crying when my parents told me to go tell my brothers it was dinner time. I was terrified of knocking on their doors #I still to this day 20 years later am still incredibly uncomfortable and anxious talking with them and i havent been able to make much of #An relationship with them bc of it. Im scared to say anything to them even if its simple shit. And men/boys in general ive thus been #Terrified of since i was young. Once again i thought it was normal to mistrust and be scared of men until i was in my teens #I wish i could hate them i wish i could be angry i wish i had someone to blame #But no my brain is too nice and give excuses to them. Their actions are excused. They have ruined me mentally but thats not their fault #Fuck that might be true but they were still 6 and 11 years older than me. I didnt have a chance to protect myself in any way #I wish someone saw i wasnt okay. I wish someone understood that i wasnt well. I wish someone saw me. #Negative #Abuse

[millieshat]

some backlog of scuffed art to commemorate our dear overlord’s return \o/

#millie parfait #nijisanji en #drawmillie #hi allow me to ramble in tags bc i find that sm more comfortable than on twitter LMFAO #i drew the first one on my sib's ipad and it was so fun ahhahahh im not used to drawing on a tablet as well as on such a responsive program #such as procreate so i had a bit of trouble navigating #my dream is to just. own a graphic tablet one day i want to LEARN #that said the next two drawings are so OLDD wanted to finish them to celebrate millie coming back! but i struggled sm w lineart i gave up- #on coloringkjahkhfkajh #but its okay <3 have u watched her kikuo concert btw #if not what the fuck are ytou doing with your life go watch it right now you cretin

[dirt-str1der]

Do you consider any of the non protagonist yakuza girls well writen?

I think none of them had rights

#Thanks for the ask ! #like you have to actively like girls to notice them theyre inconsequential #also who is this why are you sewing discorse in my inbox #i spelled discourse wrong. my mom ordered the dog trainers to train ollie right now because he is insane and hes eating soo many treats #not because hes a good boy but because they are tossing that shit at him #they were literally almost there with yasuko #i thought her story was so fucking interesting ... #like its really not a fault of the girls they are all pretty good characters in their own right #like we have a variety of them too. we had miss tatsu who was out there turning guys inside out but she randomly had to go get kidnapped in #order to complete kiryus training arc. like how funny would it be for the whole thing to be staged and miss tatsus like Lol good job kiryu #for passing my test. oh this guy ? yeah he did get the better of me but i kicked the shit out of him then roped him into my schemes. dont #you think practical application is more effective than training ? anyway theres nothing more i can teach you but you can come train whenevr #we didnt even get an in game appearance for yuko but apparently she was a massive troll but too cute to get into any real trouble #mirei was. . . i literally said ‘are you kidding me’ when they revealed what happened to her like seriously ? is this real ? they did #that ? like literally she should have been living it up in cahoots with katsuya and being so sexy and divorced forever. she should have #faked her death because every single parentsl figure haruka had leaves her. and god haruka like honest to god i love that she just ran off #like that i thought it was so kiryu of her to be an absent father. but also my friends have all brought up very good points which is that #haruka should NOT have gone back to morning glory like she should have stayed in ono michi with her loser girlfriend whos a boyfriend with #her new extended family and only go back every now and then to see her siblings honestly i hated that .... like girl spread your wings .. #choose where you want to roost stop going back !! just get out !!!!!! its literally okay to tell the rest of your family ‘i dont wanna wipe #your asses forever i love you guys but im out of here’. and god i .. as much as i loved y0 makoto should have left her shitassed husband #girl had a whole ass baby with him ... find someone better im sorry ..!!! like whatever i know that thst was the ‘best’ option for her and #she deserves financial stability and a rich doctor husband but she also deserves crazy sex with a girl with one eye #i think what yumi did was awesome but like. actually i have no complaints about yumi. wait no i do. kazama was a shitass for marrying her #off to that politician because he couldnt stand having a woman in his house. im now thinking of that unecessarily hot doctor from y0 wtf was #her deal. and god the unnecessarily hot cho-han lady from y5.. oh wait ako had rights. she fell in love with kiryu at first sight then got #over him which is literally the best thing a girl could do for herself. PLUS she throws molotovs and is generally awesome #i cant remember any other girl. oh yeah god reina. .. reina .... god milky though .... i think she was fantastic and i want her badly. and #yayoi fucking disappeared after a certain point in time and ran off to another city with her baby daddy and sugared him to open a bar #well its not canon but im certain thats what happened because she literally went radio silence like girl where are you ....

[autogynephallic]

im um. having an okay night i swear

#hopping around #sorry about all the fire walk with me posts…. #that movie is just. auughhgh #its so much and its so much of myself #your luna’s gone its just me now #ahfjajcjsjfjsjfjfks #no nightmares tonight #but im just having trouble sleeping #even when i dont have them they feel so close #but ill be okay

[bloggirl8842]

My psych says I don’t like my mom or my ex because they make me vulnerable but I think it’s because they are/were both serial boundary violators. Well serial boundary violators sounds serious but I mean they are just good kind people who would not leave me alone when i ask(ed)

#i mean so am i so i dont exactly blame them but like. my mom doesnt knock used to hold me down and epilate my body doesnt take no for an #answer ever on anything unless youre MEAN to her and i dont mean anything serious i mean she asked me to go to the store with her to pick #out paint for her walls i said no she asked again i said no she asked again i said no so she went on her own and facetimed me so id help her #pick. my ex had a similar thing where if i was like hey lets not talk tomorrow im burnt out hed be like okay and then the next day early #morning he’d send a good morning text and then several more throughout the day and then we’d call at the end of the night #people do who not let you fucking breathe. i hate it. if i saw my mom less often id probably like her but her so much as sitting next to me #on the couch will have me tense and pissed. she also takes glee in hating things i like and its not a conscious or serious thing but its #really weird. ive done the same for her since i was little i dont know who did it first. like ok we’re moving our new place had wallpaper in #my room i wanted to keep it she wanted to remove it she agreed to keep it and then made plans to remove it bc she was going to get rid of it #at some point later on anyway for the house’s value or something. they removed it recently and she showed me a vid of the place and when she #gets to my room shes like hehehe its goneee like girl what the fuck is going on with you. she wouldnt let me change the decoration of my #room as a child it had to be the way she liked it. even my body had to be the way she liked it dude the epilation thing shed laugh as i #cried (in a shirt and underwear man) bc i was finally hairless. my ex was nowhere near that bad but again ZERO breathing room and whenever #id try to take some hed be like ‘’i just worry that if you take this space you’ll come back and break up with me’’ uh. yeah with that #attitude the breakup’s coming either way. he’s a good guy though just 24 and a man (both sad afflictions) he’ll shape up. or not. idk im no #t invested #he did listen to a lot of what i said just not the basic things of ‘’leave me the fuck alone sometimes’m #im annoyed that my therapist framed this as a me issue but shes right when it comes to me having trouble w vulnerability and i should just #clarify my pov here so she can change her assessment #my ex leaves me alone now. he does a great job at it i thiiink hes moved on which im happy about #i dont know if id ever want to be friends again though idk if either of us can do that #i cant. rn #i understand why he wanted so much from me though. i get it