#*we do have lynx in sweden only it’s called axe and not nearly all variants are available

[thetarttfuldickhead]

Do you have a headcanon list for the rest of the team's lynx flavors! Leather and Cookies can't be to the taste of all of them!

Let’s be real, nonny – of course I don’t. I mean, who has that? Really, who?

Well, yeah, okay, I do, but only because you asked and because I very randomly happen to be in Dublin* for the week and had the opportunity to stop by Boots and sniff all the Lynx stuff they had (which did not include Java or – to my great disappointment – Leather & Cookies) and take notes, which didn’t earn me any weird looks whatsoever.

The things I do for love.

Anyway. We know Jamie is a jack of all Lynx trade and that Colin favours Leather & Cookies. As for (an non exhaustive list of) the rest…

Isaac – our captain of righteous rage and impeccable taste could never choose anything but Africa, advertised (however misguidedly) as the G.O.A.T of scents. There’s sweetness and spice and fresheness reminiscent of good gin hovering over a woody base – it’s not outrageous by any means, but it’s not boring either: nuanced and reasonably mature, it’s a scent worthy of the footballer with the most fashion sense of the entire team. Has enough gravitas for a captain, too, but without weighting him down.

Sam – leans into the quietly playful notes of Excite; it’s a fairly standard pour homme scent but the hints of coconut (almost edging into sweet liquorice) gives it a little twist, turning it warmer and softer than your average man deo. Perhaps it wasn’t his own choice, originally – I can see Simi gifting it to him, and Sam going no, okay, this works.

Dani – would pull off all the muskier and spicer scents so beautifully but is ultimately (and perhaps unfortunately) attracted to the bright fruit of Epic Fresh. It’s vivacious and sweet and unapologetic about being happy and unrefined; carefree, like Dani when jogging onto the pitch.

Jan – has decent taste but does not care to spend too much time thinking about his deodorant; he selects the simple but not basic fruit and wood combination of Black, and sticks with it. It’s a good enough choice; it’ll do and offend no one (and if it does, Jan Maas will not give a fuck because he has more important things to worry about).

Bumbercatch – goes for the sickly sweet, bright pink and unpleasantly chemical Recharge only to confuse his enemies. “What enemies,” you might ask, but our man Bumber simply gives you A Look and does not answer.

Zorro – just likes chocolate, okay? He’s in tune with his emotions and desires and wearing Dark Temptation makes him feel good. We should none of us begrudge him that.

Richard – spits at your Lynx and your hamster of a mother and elderberry-smelling father. His deodorant is expensive and French and rather discreet because he doesn’t want chemical smells to overpower the sublime taste of wine and also there’s something primally attractive about the natural human musk and why would you ever want to drown that out?

Jeff Goodman – selects Icy Chill because he believes the cool menthol notes makes him seem like a tought guy. They do not.

Cockburn – is a man of few words and a gentle heart. He prefers Gold, both for the warm spiciness of its deep wood and vanilla tones, and for gold of it all. It makes him feel a little special, in a quiet sort of way. Cockburn doesn’t really need more than that (at least not from a deodorant); he knows what he’s about and what he’s worth, and if you do not? Not his problem, baby. It’s a solid, simple choice for a solid, simple man.

If I were to assign Java (unsmelled) to anyone, it'd be to Sasha Kukoč because he's my very special secret darling and is (supposedly) young enough to find 90s retro hot.

#isaac macadoo #sam obisanya #dani rojas #jan maas #moe bumbercatch #thierry zorro #richard montlaur #jeff goodman #declan cockburn #sasha kukoc #*we do have lynx in sweden only it’s called axe and not nearly all variants are available #this is such a random ask nonny #and i spent such absurd amounts of time both researching it and pondering it #the colleague i have with me on this trip just laughed at me #but like cockburn i know what i'm about #and i had fun #i realize i could have winged it but where's the fun in that when you can Do Research? #asks #afc richmond #a team of himbos