#CareGiverFatigue | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

musingsoflys · 2 years

Text

A Vent, caregiver fatigue

Lately I've been feeling like I live in a care facility, and I'm the only employee. This is my primary job despite the fact that I'm the one with *the* job that pays the bills and requires me to put time into it, during regular business hours, I can't just do my work whenever. I wish I could. The patients are capable of minimal self care; one gets left out a lot b/c the other two need so much in-person attention, but that attention can't be shared with anyone else at the same time. Clingy. Last night I had to sit in my older child's room, so she could focus on her homework that was due in 2 hours. (3 assignments. It got done. Yay!) Every time I leave her room with an armload of dirty dishes and have to use my foot to pull her door closed behind me, I remember that scene in Disney's Cinderella when she does the same thing, only I'm human and tired of it. In the middle of that, my younger child needed to get things ready for school tomorrow but is apparently constantly on the verge of having a breakdown. The prospect of trying to plan anything for the next day nearly caused her to curl up into a ball like an armadillo. She is very behind on the majority of her schoolwork, and it's only getting worse, which, of course, only adds to the stress. Vicious circle. And my husband is lonely and getting depressed again. He and his therapist keep missing each other or having to reschedule. He finally called his endocrinologist for more T (he's been out for months) and an appointment. Guess when the next available appointment was? March. March 2023. Fortunately he doesn't have to wait that long for meds. Even just now, I'm supposed to be teleworking. I had just sat down to do this little dump when he called me from upstairs to go scratch his back b/c he's in so much pain that he can't sleep. No one knows why he has so much pain; it seems to be nerves. He's got strong pain relievers and has had multiple nerve ablating procedures. I think he should give a pain psychologist a shot. It would make sense to me that, over time, his nervous system has learned this pain behavior and needs to relearn that there's no need for all this pain. There's no life threat. His neck and shoulders are also ridiculously tight; regular, frequent massage and learning how to relax those muscles would be helpful, no doubt. And I'm trying to figure out my personal development/journey (faith, sexuality, re-finding myself, discovering me, discovering god). Lately I've been stagnant. It's so easy to get busy with ... anything: dishes, laundry, TV, Facebook & Instagram. I would like to get out of my church weeknight youth commitment, but the other leaders keep leaving (for extremely valid reasons), but I don't want to put the girls through a sudden complete leadership change. It's hard to keep my foot in the door that way while also feeling rather icky about church as a whole. We have a good congregation, and sometimes I miss it, and it feels awkward being there. Very liminal. That's the word, still, yes. Liminal, like a hallway, not in any of the rooms, not having a place, just hanging out in the hallway. And I'm 50 now. It's very weird. Especially as once again I'm around significantly younger peers (same grade/responsibility level). I'm glad I had my last boss who loved being in her 50s, was proud of it, but it's weird and challenging for me.

#CareGiverFatigue #Venting #BrainDump

2 notes · View notes