#Declan said he hated him but it was aspirational
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mister impossible chapter 10 i am kissing you with tongue
#might be my favorite chapter of anything honestly i owe it my firstborn child#tags by me#TRC#TDT#the Dreamer Trilogy#Mister Impossible#Declan Lynch#and his complicated relationship with his family and the absolutely PEAK brother dynamics#buckle your seat belt do you really wanna die in connecticut#why did i have to go through puberty lmao#there are fuckfaces out there#how does it FEEL to ask for something reasonable and be completely ignored????#Niall had made Declan a liar Aurora had made him an orphan Ronan had made him a nag but Matthew had taken Declan's youth#goodbye whatever Declan Lynch would have grown up to be#mary pls strike me deaf until the state line#Declan had put his identity crises on hold multiples times for the greater good Matthew had only been asked to do it once#Declan wanted to hate Niall. for being a bad father. for having favorites. for having favorites that who weren't Declan.#Declan said he hated him but it was aspirational#Declan's relationship with the criminal underworld was the longest and most stable one he'd had in his life#LITERALLY THE CHARACTER OF ALL TIME DO YOU UNDERSTAND
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Declan Lynch... Declan broke first. Declan Lynch was liar. He'd been a liar his entire life. Lies came to him fluidly, easily, instinctively. There were, Declan thought, so many things to be afraid of. Declan Lynch knew he was boring. He'd worked very hard to be that way, after all. It was a magic trick he didn't expect any prize from but survival, even as he looked at other lives and imagined them his. Declan never gave away a truth unless it was taken from his cold, balled hands. Because the safest shape was being both unknown and unchanging. But he was a liar, even to himself. He didn't have it in him to love another dream. It hurt too much. Loving anything did. It was not Niall Lynch's fault, but Declan wordlessly cursed him anyway, out of habit. And I never actually lived either. Declan said he hated him, but it was aspirational. Goodbye, whatever Declan Lynch would have grown up to be. He had been prepared to be the last man standing his entire life. "Our story was always a tragedy." you were the story I chose for myself Declan had been practicing secrecy his entire life. He had never practiced trust. How badly he wanted to be a son again, a kid again, to let someone else carry this. Carry him. Declan Lynch had become such a liar.
#i am thinking so hard about him#gnawing at the bars of my enclosure#declan lynch#lynch brothers#trc#td3#the dreamer trilogy
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"Nothing Aurora could say would persuade Declan to do more than tolerate him. Aurora was already a lie Declan was being asked to play along with. He would not play along with another." (Greywaren chpt 25)
There is a lot to unpack in this line, where Declan recalls the time before he learned to love Matthew. But this isn't about Declan and Matthew. The central conflict in the Lynch family was never between Matthew and Declan, or Ronan and Declan, nor even between Declan and Niall. The central conflict was between Declan and Aurora. This casts other events in a different light.
1. It's amazing how much Declan sounds like Ronan here. Who would have thought there was a time when the Master Liar himself hated lies.
2. When Declan cried at the end, Ronan said "I miss them too." But does that really reflect Declan's grief? Declan grieved for Niall, but it never really says anything about grieving for Aurora.
3. In CDTH, Declan's love for Aurora was called "skeptical". Lacking context, his brothers judge him for this, but when Declan says (in MI) that Aurora made him an orphan, he didn't just mean when she fell asleep. She was a symbol of his lost mother, and whenever Niall was gone, he was parentless.
4. Ronan recalls Declan saying he would never get married, right after trying to knock Aurora's wedding ring down the drain. This speaks to a level of acting out behavior on Declan's part.
5. Declan recalls the time he was sick at home with Aurora and Matthew. He was only able to rest once Niall was home. This means Declan didn't really feel safe around Aurora.
6. For her part, Aurora must have been saddened and disturbed by Declan's response to her. After all, none of this was her fault. Declan himself admits that she loved him. As far as Aurora knew, she had always been Declan's mother. But since Niall had effectively lobotomized himself, there was nobody to tell her otherwise.
7. The Christmas story shows Aurora enlisting young Declan to help with dream cleanup, and being insensitive to Declan's moods, which means she wasn't a perfect mother. However, it also shows Aurora trying to include Declan and even siding with Declan when he and Ronan argued over the Christmas tree ornament. Aurora was made to love. And yet Declan didn't respond.
8. With this knowledge, did Niall begin taking Declan on his business trips to give Declan and Aurora some relief from each other? Declan's reaction to Aurora was probably Niall's first clue she was a dream.
9. Also, when Ronan revived Aurora in Cabeswater, he failed to tell Declan, and then lied when Aurora asked about him. And yet he knew Declan would have heard about it from Matthew. It wouldn't have been like Ronan to deny his brother entry, so the choice not to come would have been Declan's. Did Ronan lie to Aurora to protect her feelings?
10. And yet, in the final chapter, Declan remembers being happy as a child, so at some point, he must have decided to rejoin the family. The turning point was when he accepted Matthew, but to do this meant he had to lie about how he felt about everything else, especially Aurora.
In MI, Declan states Niall made him a liar. That's why he aspired to hate Niall (while actually loving and desperately missing him). Niall's and Mór's choices placed him in an impossible position. To be a full member of the Lynch family, Declan had to sacrifice the truth.
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“Declan hadn't wanted a father like Niall. He liked to think he hated him, but he knew it wasn't true, because if it was, he'd have been able to set Niall's memory down and walk away. Instead, he took it out of the box and poked it. Declan said he hated him, but it was aspirational.”
“You’re the most boring person I know. Ronan leapt to his feet. He ran into the flock of birds with such speed that their shock took a few seconds to catch up. Then he was in the midst of them, surrounded completely by birds scouring the air with their wings, birds and brother indistinguishable.”
“He whispered, ‘I hate him.’ ‘My dauntless Declan,’ Aurora said and then she slid softly to the floor.”
“'I'm proud of you,' he told Declan. Her dauntless Declan.”
“Declan looked like the kind of person you forgot you'd ever seen.”
“Declan was tired of managing secrets. There was nothing brilliant about dreaming for the one left awake.”
declan lynch x phoebe bridgers
#i know what this song is about but i just keep thinking about it for declan#declan lynch#motion sickness#trc#ronan lynch#adam parrish#the raven cycle#blue sargent#richard campbell gansey iii#adam and ronan#the raven boys#blue lily lily blue#pynch#henry cheng#the dream thieves#gangsey#the gangsey#blusey#tdt#matthew lynch#call down the hawk#mister impossible#greywaren#mine
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"Declan said he hated him [his father] but it was aspirational," is a line that could've been stolen from my own brain and my own thoughts about my father.
how dare you ms. stiefvater, how very dare.
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Drown (G.D) - part 6
A/N: Grayson in this chapter is just so 🥺 I just can’t 😭
Summary: After the fight that night at the Dolan’s, Bianca got to meet Grayson once again. He finally noticed that he hurt her bad that night, so Grayson apologized and wanted to make it up to Bianca.
Word- count: 1.5k
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“Bianca, there’s no way he called you ‘bitch’!,” Hannah yells, reacting to Bianca’s story about what happened at the Dolan’s.
“He did, Hannah, just before we left,” She picks up her ripped jeans from her closet and throws it towards Hannah. “Is that good?,” she refers to the jeans. Fashion emergency. She’s having a date with Declan in the afternoon, and she needs her bestfriend to help her picking the ideal outfit.
“This one looks cool, though. How about the top?,” she hums. Bianca walks back into her closet to find something to match her jeans.
“Damn, bub. He ain’t shit, really. You don’t deserve that at all. You just want to try to move on and he doesn’t want you to? The fuck?,” Hannah protests.
“I think I hate him now,” Bianca throws her burgundy lace tank top towards Hannah. “What do you think?,” She asks her once again about the outfit.
“You’ll look bomb in it. Grayson could—“
“Stop. I don’t want to hear that name,” Bianca quickly cuts her off as she removes her t-shirt to change into the tank top.
“You sure you hate him now?,” Hannah seems unsure about her previous statement. There’s no way for her to get rid of the feelings that she has felt for years in a night.
This time, Bianca removes her shorts to replace it with her ripped jeans. “Uh, I think?,” She know that she’s not sure about that as well. “How do I look?,” She turns around to face her once again.
“Bomb, baby. Declan’s going to love it.”
Bianca takes a quick look at her reflection in the mirror once again, admiring the whole look. “Thanks for helping me. I know I can count on you.”
Hannah takes a quick look at her watch before she nods. “You got me, bub. Problem solved, now I need to leave, I have to pick up my sister from her ballet class,” Hannah groans.
“At least, it’s Saturday. Once you’re home you can chill and relax,” Bianca giggles as she follows her, heading downstairs to hear her Mom talking to someone.
Sounds familiar.
The voices come from the living room, so Bianca turns there to find her Mom talking to Ethan.
And Grayson too.
“Mom, Hannah’s leaving, she needs to pick her sister up from ballet class,” Bianca interrupts their conversation.
Her mom turns to face her and Hannah. “Ah, I see. Thanks for coming, Han. Take care, precious,” she gives Hannah a smile.
Bianca quickly drags Hannah out of the living room to head outside. A light sigh escapes her as they are out. “Shit, I had no idea that he’s here,” Bianca mumble.
“Just act cool, okay? Remember, you’re no longer crushing on him. You’re now Declan’s girl,” Hannah reminds her as she crawls into the driver seat. Bianca nods her head and waves her hand as her bestfriend leaves.
Back inside, Bianca heads back to the living room to join her Mom and the twins. She sits on the vacant spot beside her Mom.
“I didn’t know that you’re here,” Bianca gives Ethan a smile.
“Baby, I’m baking some brownies and I thought it’d be a good idea to share some. So I called Auntie Lisa, asking if she could pick it up, and said she got something to do, so she sent the twins instead to pick up the brownies here,” her Mom explains.
“Oh, I see,” Bianca nods, shifting her gaze back to her Mom quickly to avoid eye-contact with Grayson.
“Yes, and— wait, are you going somewhere? All dressed up?,” She notices her outfit.
“Um, yeah... I’m going to Penstock,” she answers.
“Alone?,” her Mom frowns.
“No, no... and a friend,” Bianca replies, hoping she’ll stop the interrogation.
“Ah, okay,” she stops. “Anyway, I’ll check on the brownies first. Ethan and Grayson, please make yourself at home,” she smiles before she disappears into the kitchen.
So there she is. Sitting with Ethan and Grayson in your living room. The most awkward situation she’s ever been.
“Have you ever been to Penstock?,” Bianca asks Ethan. “I’ve never been there before.”
“Oh, I’ve been there once. Their coffee tastes so good,” Ethan nods. “You’ll love it, Bi,” he adds. He knows that she’s so into coffee.
“Ooh, we’ll see!,” Bianca nods her head as she gives him a cheeky grin.
“Who’s taking you there?”
Her smile slowly fades as she hears Grayson speaking.
“Why?,” Bianca asks back in return.
“I’m asking you,” he replies. “I want an answer, not another question.”
“Why are you so nosy?,” she scoffs.
“That douche, huh?,” he guesses.
Not again, Grayson.
“His name is Declan, not ‘that douche’,” she sighs.
“You really aren’t going to listen to me, huh?”
“Grayson, don’t start it...,” Bianca mumbles.
“He’s not good for you, Bia—“
“What am I to you?,” She quickly stops him from telling her the same thing all over again. “Am I that important that you keep intervening?,” she adds.
“You’re my bestfriend, and a—“
“And a bitch to you?,” Her voice is shaking as her mind replays the scene where he called her a bitch before he slammed his door.
Grayson quickly shut his mouth, with his jaws clenched. He had no idea that she heard him calling her so.
Bianca sinks her teeth into her lower lip to hold her back from crying. “Answer me, Gray...,” she begs.
There is guilt in his face, but he remains silent for a moment. He turns his gaze back to hers as he replies, “No, I didn’t mean that—“
“Right, I’m a bitch,” Tears begin to roll down her cheeks as she gets up from her seat. She’s feeling so fed up of his excuse that she just wants to go back to your room.
“Bianca—“
“See you at school on Monday, guys,” she gently wipes the tears away with the back of her hand as she heads out of the room to head to the stairs.
And that’s when she feels a pair of arms pulling her into a hug.
“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean it,” Grayson whispers as he wraps his muscular arms around her small torso, leaving Bianca trapped in his embrace.
“Am I a bitch to you?,” she looks up at him with teary eyes.
“No, no, I was angry... I’m sorry, Bi. You’re not a bitch,” he coos. This Grayson seems so different from that Grayson who called her a bitch that night.
“I’m sorry I’ve been acting such a jerk to you lately, especially since you told us that you’ve been talking to Declan,” his voice is so soft, with his hand rubbing her back gently. She buries her face into his chest as she inhales the scent of him. He smells sweet, like vanilla.
She’s weak. She’s really weak right now. Being trapped in his embrace, with him talking to her like that.
“I think I hate him now,” she still remembers the fact she said that to Hannah less than an hour ago, but here she is now, nearly melting because of Grayson hugging her this tight.
She’s not over him.
“Hey, hey, look at me,” Grayson’s voice brings her back to reality. She remains quiet, but shifting her gaze up to meet his. He’s so tall compared to her that she needs to tilt her head back a bit to get a better view of his face.
“Hm?”
“I feel like an ass for making you cry, how can I make it up to you?,” he asks.
“What do you mean?,” she arches her brow.
“Let me make it up to you, for making you sad. Are you free tonight?,” his gaze never leaving hers as he speaks.
“T—tonight?”
“Unless you have plans, then it’s fine.”
“No, no, I’m free,” Bianca quickly replies.
“Okay, let’s get some burgers, okay? Your favorite?,” he suggests.
He remembers her favorite one? She’s really weak right now.
“Sonic?,” Bianca suggests, after thinking for a while.
“You name it, anything, Bi. Anything,” he nods his head quickly.
“Okay, Sonic then... But your girl—“
“She’s in New York. She left this morning to do casting call there. She’ll be back here tomorrow, so we’re good,” sometimes Bianca forgets that the living-Barbie-doll Isla is an aspiring model. She’s a part of a local modeling agency; being a top model is in her top bucketlist.
“Oh...”
“So, it’s a yes, yeah?,” he gently squeezes her. She has no option, so she nods her head slowly.
“I’ll pick you up at 7.30, okay?”
“Alright, Gray.”
“Okay. Good,” by that time, Bianca hears the beep coming outside. It’s Declan. Grayson finally lets her go as he notices that Declan has arrived.
“I’ll see you tonight, Gray,” Bianca gives him a small smile as she grabs her purse from the end table. He nods his head.
“See you, Bianca.”
“Mom, I’m leaving, see you!,” Bianca quickly runs to the kitchen to give her Mom a kiss on her cheek to wave her goodbye. She smiles and nods her head.
As she heads outside, Bianca gives Grayson and Ethan another wave before she walks out to meet her first date.
Bianca Reine having two dates in a day? Unbelievable.
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Angsty Edge Lord Lena Luthor Playlist
So, most of these songs are just your general teen angst, but some of them have strong Lena vibes.
p.s. I just saw Pitch Perfect 3 and I love the Bellas so much and Bechloe really should’ve happened.
Playlist Link: https://open.spotify.com/user/along_tiffanymaxwell/playlist/1OUdDPZXwfEOtU3B8YUkpI
Angsty Edge Lord Lena Luthor Playlist
Cold Hard Bitch by Jet
“Cold hard bitch / Just a kiss on the lips / And I was on my knees / I'm waiting, give me / Cold hard bitch / She was shakin' her hips / That's all that I need.”
I Wanna Be Yours by Arctic Monkeys
“I wanna be your vacuum cleaner / Breathing in your dust / I wanna be your Ford Cortina / I will never rust / If you like your coffee hot / Let me be your coffee pot / You call the shots babe / I just wanna be yours
Secrets I have held in my heart / Are harder to hide than I thought / Maybe I just wanna be yours.”
Come as You Are by Nirvana
“Come as you are, as you were / As I want you to be / As a friend, as a friend / As an known enemy.”
Dancing With Myself by Billy Idol
This song has always given me some angsty teen Lena vibes.
“With the record selection / And the mirror's reflection / I'm dancing with myself / When there's no-one else in sight / In the crowded lonely night / Well I wait so long / For my love vibration / And I'm dancing with myself…
Well there's nothing to lose / And there's nothing to prove / I'll be dancing with myself…
If I looked all over the world / And there's every type of girl / But your empty eyes / Seem to pass me by / Leave me dancing with myself.”
Bottom Of The Deep Blue Sea by Missio
“Welcome to my cage, little lover / Attempt to rearrange with you, baby / Still don’t know your name, Miss Honey / Let’s go up in flames, pretty lady
The sweet surrender of silence forces me to live alone / Locked and loaded, where the hell is peace of mind? / I wait on you inside the bottom of the deep blue sea / I wait on you inside the bottom of the deep blue.”
505 by Arctic Monkeys
“I'm going back to 505 / If it's a 7 hour flight or a 45 minute drive / In my imagination you're waiting lying on your side / With your hands between your thighs
Stop and wait a sec / Oh when you look at me like that my darling / What did you expect / I probably still adore you with your hands around my neck / Or I did last time I checked.”
Creature Comfort by Arcade Fire
“Creature comfort makes it painless / Bury me penniless and nameless / Born in a diamond mine / It's all around you but you can't see it / Born in a diamond mine / It's all around you but you can't touch it
Saying God, make me famous / If you can't just make it painless / Just make it painless
It's not painless / She was a friend of mine, a friend of mine / And we're not nameless, oh.”
Teenagers by My Chemical Romance
Staple teen angst song.
“They're gonna clean up your looks / With all the lies in the books / To make a citizen out of you / Because they sleep with a gun / And keep an eye on you, son / So they can watch all the things you do
Because the drugs never work / They're gonna give you a smirk / 'Cause they got methods of keepin' you clean / They gonna rip up your heads / Your aspirations to shreds / Another cog in the murder machine.”
Evil Twin by Arctic Monkeys
“It's more a hunger than a thirst / You'll break it out the second time / Before you know about the first / Looks well-equipped to leave you in the lurch / But you'll let her do her worst.”
The Kids Don’t Wanna Come Home by Declan McKenna
“You don't know how to give love to anyone / You don't know how to pretend / You told your kids that they'd live long forever / But the kids don't wanna come home again / No the kids don't wanna come home again.”
Smells Like Teen Spirit by Nirvana
The teen angst song that every teen angst playlist most include?
“With the lights out, it's less dangerous / Here we are now, entertain us / I feel stupid and contagious / Here we are now, entertain us / A mulatto, an Albino / A mosquito, my libido, yeah.”
Middle Fingers by Missio
So angsty
“I don't like the music other people tend to share / Hate your loser lyrics, middle fingers in the air / I'm a starving artist nowhere close to millionaire / I prefer my Kia, middle fingers in the air
I'll just keep on throwing middle fingers in the air.”
Misery Business by Paramore
“I'm in the business of misery, let's take it from the top / She's got a body like an hourglass that's ticking like a clock / It's a matter of time before we all run out / When I thought he was mine, she caught him by the mouth.”
Kiwi by Harry Styles
Honestly, I didn’t expect a song like this from Harry. Surprisingly angsty Lena-esque
“She's driving me crazy, but I'm into it, but I'm into it / I'm kind of into it / It's getting crazy, I think I'm losing it, I think I'm losing it / I think she said ‘I'm having your baby, it's none of your business’ / ‘I'm having your baby, it's none of your business’...
It's New York, baby, always jacked up / Whole tunnels, foreign noses always backed up / When she's alone, she goes home to a cactus / In a black dress, she's such an actress.”
1-800-273-8255 by Logic feat. Alessia Cara and Khalid
I feel like Lena would’ve felt like this at one point or another, but what do I know?
“I've been on the low / I been taking my time / I feel like I'm out of my mind / I feel like my life ain't mine / Who can relate? / I've been on the low / I been taking my time / I feel like I'm out of my mind / It feel like my life ain't mine.”
Movin’ Out by (Anthony’s Song) by Billy Joel
This one REALLY makes me think of teen angst Lena even though it doesn’t really fit with the other songs here.
“It seems such a waste of time / If that's what it's all about / Mama if that's movin' up
Then I'm movin' out / I'm movin' out.”
do re mi by blackbear
LENA @ EVERYONE WHO HAS EVER SCREWED HER OVER
“Yeah, if I could go back to the day we met / I probably would just stay in bed / You run your mouth all over town / And this one goes out to the sound / Of breaking glass on my Range Rover / Pay me back or bitch, it's over / All the presents I would send / Fuck my friends behind my shoulder / Next time I'mma stay asleep / I pray the Lord my soul to keep, oh
And you got me thinking lately / Bitch, you crazy / And nothing's ever good enough / I wrote a little song for ya, it go like
Do, re, mi, fa, so fuckin' done with you, girl / So fuckin' done with all the games you play / I ain't no tic-tac-toe.”
#admin cam#music monday#playlist#lena playlist#lena luthor playlist#lena#lena luthor#katie mcgrath#billy joel#blackbear#angsty lena luthor#logic#alessia cara#khalid#harry styles#paramore#my chemical romance#missio#arcade fire#arctic monkeys#nirvanna#declan mckenna#jet#teenage lena luthor
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