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corkisms · 2 years

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Dude I am super excited to read about Eldritch Duke and Eldritch Bain’s backstory!!

im soo mad i had such a comprehensive answer to this post and tumblr ATE IT so now i gotta rewrite the whole thing from memory. hell on earth :[

alright i CANNOT take credit for eldritch bain thats @des-paa-cee-toeee BABYY!!! eldritch duke came about on a whim before i knew abt despaa’s take on eldritch bain but it was soooo fun learning abt this bain and throwing ideas at the wall (discord dms) to see what stuck (exploded in the microwave). i cant speak to bain's origins bc im still learning them myself but ive got some eldritch duke facts down. readmore placed below to contain the brainspill ^_^ (and it really is one hell of a brainspill like it got way longer than i intended so sorry in advance😭)

right so dukes a university student in the late 60s/early 70s(?)

hes taking part in an archaeology project with one of his classmates in a forest near his uni (studying bone fragments, arrowheads, just collecting random samples) and keeping audio logs of the whole project

his classmate strays too far and messes around in a bunch of forestbeings' turf

the beings retaliate by possessing/driving the classmate mad

classmate offs duke via rock crimes (fly high babe) and duke gets to spend some time getting acquainted with the spirits in the trees

one of the forestbeings decides that that was kinda fucked up in hindsight and takes pity on duke, searing life and consciousness back into his broken body and resurrecting him from the mud as a nothuman trapped in a mostly mortal vessel (you work with what ya got)

this process might take a while but idk if itll make up the 20 yr gap in his lifespan yet (give that hes 20ish in the 70s and shows up in pd2 in 2017 as a 50 yr old and not a 70 yr old)

i just think hes neat!

tbh idk how i actually feel abt writing this duke au given that i think im also writing some other stuff rn but i looove gnawing on it when im spaced out during class its like my screensaver. i actually started a little smthg as a sort of taste-test for this au where its a police report on the case of duke's initial disappearance in the 70s, documenting the weird facts from an in-universe after-the-fact pov (i am such a sucker for dramatic irony its not funny) and working through the story in the form of aforementioned audio logs. pasting the scraps below

~

Friends initially report 20-year-old August Lindenhurst missing on August 18th, 1968.

Over summer break, Lindenhurst had been taking part in a month-long personal project proposed by 19-year-old Gillian 'Gill' Dorsey, both students at Dennington University. Classmates became concerned when the project's allotted time period ended and Lindenhurst had still not returned to campus. He and Dorsey were last seen entering the forest behind the main building (see map in addendum 2A) with bags one month prior. Investigators organized search teams, which found their equipment still intact in a makeshift bell tent approximately 1.8 miles from campus, and CSI later noted that the project seemed largely archaeological in nature. Around the same time the tent was discovered, a welfare check conducted on Dorsey's dorm discovered her partially decomposed body still in bed (Dorsey case filed separately, though it shares many unusual circumstances with this one).

CSI recovered a collection of microtapes from the tent in the forest, dated throughout the month as audio logs leading up to Lindenhurst's disappearance. Detective Greene was able to transcribe a majority of the logs’ content despite questionable integrity following recent storms. Following analysis of the tapes, the Lindenhurst case was changed from missing persons to homicide. Transcripts deemed relevant to the case are attached below (transcripts for the rest of the tapes available in addendum 2F).

~

and then the transcript of the first tape starts! from there the rest of the story plays out over multiple tapes as duke n his classmate (using gill dorsey as a placeholder name for no reason in particular) pick through tiny buried oddities over the course of about a month. all the while we see signs that theres Something In These Woods thrown in (discussing strange dreams in passing, unidentified voices heard on tape, odd changes in behavior seen in casual conversation, etc) leading up to the discovery of The Final Tape later on in the case, recorded on the day the project was supposed to end

~

The original recorder was recovered in a clearing approx. 600 feet from the tent. Clear signs of a fight present in surroundings (see addendum 3A-3G). Blood at the scene matched with Lindenhurst. The recorder still contained the most recent (presumably final) microtape inside. Det. Greene reassigned for transcription.

~

and then we get into the nitty gritty of the day of the attack. the report basically concludes with “well that was fucked up” given that lindenhurst’s killer classmate is also dead under mysterious circumstances (found in bed with their mouth and lungs all full of dirt, more thoughts on that but this post is more than long enough rn) so theres kinda. no one to prosecute. the story itself ends with the whole case file being completely wiped by bain, revealing that we were just reading the report along with him the entire time as part of a background check on duke. hes troubled by the implications to say the least, like sorry man you found more than you bargained for in this funky crime grandpa!! the whole ‘coming back nothuman’ thing isnt super covered in this version of the story bc it is still just a police report and obvs cant have ALL the details but that does still happen

thoughts n suggestions n corrections welcome i love having thoughts and making words i love it to bloody pieces. i love kneading ideas in my brain like dough. also ty for reading this far mwah 😭 😭 😭

#nonpd2 mutuals if u see this NO tf u dont. im sorryfhrjrgjg #this is the first time ive ever posted fandom writing anywhere and it might just be the most embarrassing thing ive ever done #i keep telling myself 'do not start a writing blog babygirl thats the devil talking' but it gets harder every day... the ultimate temptation #the way this is a mile long in my post editor has me running and hiding like i genuinely cannot stfu abt this old man. im squeezing him #SORRY IM SO SORRY IM BOWING DOWN WITH MY FOREHEAD ON THE GROUND AND CONTINUOUSLY POURING DIRT OVER MY HEAD AS PPL WALK PAST IM SORRY #normal content will return eventually i promise im just. so soooo im srsly going thru it #AND TY despaaceetoeee for the submission TY for the lore TY for the encouragement i owe you EVERYTHING!!!!!!!!!!!

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artcupcakes · 3 years

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Okay okay. stop me if I’m wrong. We don’t know what makes the Kings get their titles except that it probably has something to do with the Kataru. (And that a fourth is mentioned but not expanded on) I haven’t done the Secret so bear with me here!

Watchers are apparently aliens that have come to take over the world,,,? What does that make Bain then?

Remember the origin story in that outfit description that one anon mentioned?? Yeah it says “in the late 1960’s, a man was born”

WHICH WHAT. Hold on but he’s a Watcher and Watchers are supposed to be aliens?? But this says he was born???

Why did the Kataru experiment on Bain? Could’ve been anybody else, but they chose him. NEVER EXPLAINED. Bain has an alien bloodline or something, I swear. This might’ve been the reason why. (Side note: stealth Big Bank, Bain mentions that his grandfather used to go heisting, so def born)

Even in the Safehouse, Dallas questions if the virus was really what gave Bain his whole power boost thing.

What if we redefine Kings as the highest rank in Kataru you can have? Bain being the Elephant’s Watcher doesn’t make sense lore-wise. Wiki says that Duke has a voice line that alludes to him being trained for it, though I can’t confirm whether this is true. (Are the Kings immortal or what? Do they reincarnate every so often??)

(Duke’s grandfather had a hand in all this Kataru stuff, I remember that they used to be a benevolent organization before they defected and became Kataru? Description in one of the heists says, when I find it again I’ll refer. The tape Bain left behind DOES mention it being Duke’s family issues and such)

Him being the Elephant’s Watcher won’t fly because! He’s rude when he talks about him. The description of the mentor sounds a lot more like someone he’d look up to? Also the Elephant betrayed the PAYDAY gang, so there’s that.

And if Bain is the PAYDAY gang’s Watcher. Maybe he’s using them to take over the world? If the team took down the Dentist (a King) then they would be more than worthy to hold that title, with the whole relic box and all.

Him being an alien (and your Watcher) would explain a few things: his protectiveness over his gang, “you better not be messing with my crew!” (Alaskan Deal, he probably hadn’t contacted Locke by that point. Because why would the next heist have happened if that were the case?)

him seemingly being able to communicate with them no matter the circumstances, (EMP bomb, Boiling Point. Bain is able to talk to you AND see through your eyes. How else would he know about the lead scientist?) in all of the trailers and live action stuff, the gang is never shown to be speaking to Bain. Verbally, that is. CANONICALLY in the side comic (on their official website) Bain is shown to be talking to them outside of a heist,,,on Dallas’ smartphone. What is that??? (And it’s not like they were to lazy to model earpieces onto the heisters, the Train Heist guards have them)

him marking things for you through walls, especially when he said (Diamond Heist Classic on Loud) “the CFO thinks he’s clever, but he can’t hide from me.” MARKING HIM WHEREVER HE IS. Bain is psychic somehow, if you take the briefcase early in Boiling Point, sometimes he will ask you if you are psychic. No really! This is one of the things that tipped me off about it.

his near omnipresence, during times he’s taken off-guard, he’s always there for you? (Goat Simulator Day 2, nothing was supposed to happen)

his near omniscience, yeah you’re totally a normal person Mr. I-Don’t-Know-Where-The-Vault-Is-Try-Moving-Bookshelves. (Framing Frame Day 3)

and him putting his team’s life above his own. If he was your Watcher, that would make so much sense. He’s getting attacked while you’re in the van already and he wants to ‘get you guys out of there’???Curiously, I think OVKS changed the dialogue for the “Cutting the Red Wire” achievement? Earlier recordings has Bain congratulating you for defusing the C4, but now? He sounds very worried about you??

There is definitely something weird about the Paygang, actually. Mind Control? Defying Death itself? Completely normal. “Your persuasion tactics were resisted,” and then you can convert the same officer once you have a slot open. (Not to mention that they curse at you then fight their comrades for your sake?) let’s not talk about the regenerating armor or anything, run-of-the-mill everyday stuff y’know? (no wonder they’re feared by the government, and how they never get caught)

The only crew voice lines that refer specifically to Bain (besides the tutorials, where Dallas treats him like he’s a servant) is them being worried/afraid over their navigator not being able to guide them. This is either a severe case of dependence or?

All in all, I just want to say. The PAYDAY Gang are collectively the fourth King, and Bain is their Watcher. They’re also psychic and he’s probably an alien. (his dad is the alien from Shacklethorne Auction, lol jkjk)

But that’s just my opinion.

(besides the tutorials, where Dallas treats him like he’s a servant) Listen, he's just being extra careful. It's been like two years.

Also pretty sure it's implied somewhere that the alien boios are dead(Well almost but let's not talk about the Shacklethorne Auction). But they did gift the three kings a form of immortality alongside their watchers.

Honestly you just have a case for Bain having supernatural powers more than alien heritage in my opinion. I mean things like the sixth sense skill and the Halloween stuff already have some implication on this kind of stuff.

However I still like your fourth king theory as it's pretty fun if anything. Even if I think it has a couple of holes in it here and there.

There's also a joke about parasocial relationships with Bain but idk how I'd word it XD

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artcupcakes · 3 years

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Dude I just realized that the Yacht heist is a thing cus we’re messing over the mayor that we rigged the election for back in the Election Day job?? So we’re betraying the Elephant???

In the words of every child ever: He started it!

#But yeah that's what's happening #The Elephant Payday 2 #Senator John Henry Simmon #The Elephant Payday #Jonh Henry Simmon #The Elephant #Payday #Payday 2 #Payday 2 spoilers #Yacht Heist #Textpost #ask #DesPaaCeeToeee #ACresponds

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artcupcakes · 2 years

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Welcome back!! Okaaaay I know it’s not spooky month anymore. But imagine what a downright possessive Bain would look like. (Thank you dumb noodle brain, for getting to the end of two different fics and not having the energy to finish them!!!)

I’m thinking main antagonist AU. I’M THINKING ALL THE PRONOUNS. Canon him sacrificed himself for his team so let’s put a little spin on that, let’s.

P!Bain: ‘I don’t like Vlad. He’s putting my crew into jeopardy. Let’s come up with a reason to betray him’

And the gang wouldn’t find out for awhile, either! Bain handles everything and they follow his orders without hesitation, because they recognize him as their leader. (Hoxton refers to him as ‘the boss’ in the opening to Hell’s Island if I remember)

It’s not Halloween, but slow creeping things. Like your instinctive alien brain taking control of you, what a mild inconvenience, amirite?

Dallas gives reports to Bain (we don’t know how often) and he would be the first to notice as both the Mastermind and having known the guy for years. Others would be John Wick (experienced criminal) and Chains (ex-military, team veteran)

P!Bain says weird things like his first line in the old Safe House. “See, you didn’t even need to pick up the phone! I’m keeping my eyes on you as usual.” (THIS LINE IS CANON)

P!Bain’s obsessive nature becomes too much to just watch his crew from the screen. He goes to meet them and—!

Integrating this into another AU like;; I’m done for. I already have too many ideas WHATS ONE MORE I GUESS?

When in doubt throw all the idea's together like a pasta.

Also I feel like Duke would already know what's up already or at least have an idea since he's known Bain the longest(I will continue to stan Duke to an obnoxious degree. He has a lot of untapped fanfic potential that maybe one day I'll capitalize on)

#Also the old safe house do be looking kinda wonk #Me and the boys having possessive pronouns #'They're MY heisters'#hoarding heisters and closely guarding them like a dragon does it's hoard #Payday 2 #Bain #DesPaaCeeToeee #Possesive!Bain #Payday 2 AU #Payday #Possesiveness #textpost #ACresponds

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artcupcakes · 3 years

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But even with the reverse,, why on earth would the Elephant betray his Watcher? Was that ever confirmed or am I just tripping?? Wiki says the trailer alludes to it, can’t be sure

Payday Lore: The return of nobody knows what's happening anymore

#Round 3: FIGHT!#jkjkjk #Though you do have some good questions #Payday 2 #Bain Watcher Saga #Payday Kings and Watchers #Elephant’s Watcher #Watcher Bain #Payday Watchers #Payday 2 Watchers #The Elephant Payday #DesPaaCeeToeee #Payday Gang #Payday 2 spoilers #ask #ACresponds

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artcupcakes · 3 years

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if Bain is the Elephant’s Watcher, why on earth would he be badmouthing him in all his mission descriptions?? That description seems like he would look up to his mentor. Who is the mentor, idk man I guess it’s never explained???

I honestly have no idea what I’m talking about, haven’t finished the Secret yet so,, but thanks for telling me about that! The translation for the tombstone is pretty compelling though;; along with Bain’s voice lines referring to the gang as “his.”

That’s in Alaskan Deal’s opening. Even Garrett and Locke refer to him as the leader, the latter actually saying the same pronoun (with him included) in one of the Career mission descriptions. (maybe Hell’s Island I don’t remember)

But that’s just my opinion; and I haven’t watched those lore videos yet so you could be right.

(and thanks op for letting me possess your body)

Damn imagine finding out that you're a watcher only to realize that your king is a piece of shit

Bain is possessive over his band of bastard.

They might be chaos having pieces of shit, but they're his chaos having pieces of shit

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artcupcakes · 3 years

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Yup, on further inspection it seems that it says “BAIN OUR WATCHER”

Though I’m not sure what the last word says? Kataru language is read right to left top to bottom, and doesn’t have punctuation from what I know.

But then that joke about them as a unit being a King? That actually seems plausible now?? ARE THEY THE FOURTH KING???

Damn now you get to coin a name for your joke theory like Gang King Theory or something

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artcupcakes · 3 years

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You know,, doesn’t the funeral cutscene have some Kataru language in the back (around the part Jacket throws in his tape recorder)

And I thought it said “Bain, he was our Watcher”?? I can’t confirm it right now but I’ll try lookin

Good luck, bigger brain than mine!

#POV: Your solving mysteries from 2018 #I guess #Bain Watcher saga #Bain Payday #Bain #Payday #Payday 2 #Watcher #Kataru #DesPaaCeeToeee #Ask #Textpost #ACresponds

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artcupcakes · 3 years

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Thanks for being chill then!! I’m gonna leave a very long detailed review on the actual fic itself, but for now here is the preliminary (critique) overview.

Buckle up, AC;; this is kinda picky of me to be pointing this out. I am BY NO MEANS a trained author! Just putting that there.

So I only spot,, about three typos. If you meant them that way, of course!

Carving (divide, engrave) < Craving (longing, hunger)

Withdraws (take away, verb) < Withdrawals (can refer to drugs, noun)

Revenant (revived) < Reverent (respectful, awe)

(I thought “contentions” was a typo but turns out there’s a second definition to it. The more you know.) That’s sort of a minor thing though, the rest of my complaints are just quality of life things!

Awwww AWWWWW “his soul sang at its rightness?” bruhhhhh that’s so cute dude ughhhhghhghhhh in my opinions, how amazing a fic is would be measured by the emotions it elicits from the reader. When I read this particular line, I felt something akin to a punch of pure fluff. No joke, that means it’s really good.

So when writing, you want to try and not use the same word twice in a single sentence! (and if more experienced, connecting paragraphs count, too)

For example: “The ending might be close, but the new beginning was also just as close.” < “—just over the horizon.”

Same thing goes for metaphors and similes (imagery)!

“Which might be why his soul sings upon seeing the rare visiting heisters, It only made sense.” (WHICH IS SUPER ADORABLE BY THE WAY) < “—why his heart flutters in his chest upon catching a glimpse,”

Preference: I normally refer to the characters with different terms so it doesn’t feel quite as redundant. Like for Dallas: “Mastermind, Crew Chief, the leader, the heister, the veteran (uncommon), the caporegime (rare)”

Bain is my favoritest FAVORITE and he gets a lot more: “the hacker (case sensitive, capital refers to Joy), the navigator, the contractor, the guide, the veteran (rare), the Watcher (unused)”

(There’s a neat trick you can do with this: the way the characters refer to each other! My version of Dallas calls Bain “their navigator,” and likewise the hacker thinks “his colleague.”)

I really enjoy gen fics, THANK YOU OP for writing this! Also the dude is stinkin’ touch starved I love it hehdidjsjskxn

(I’m aware that it’s kind of ironic; me screaming at grammar and immediately swapping over to spamming keys. If I were writing myself, I would say I was “alternating/oscillating between the differing states.” The best way I’ve described this imo is as follows: “blinking on and off like some kind of defective binary code.”)

Last thing, most sentences can be combined using commas; semicolons are used when a sentence can technically end but you want to add something more.

AAAHAHHH the hopelessness is STRONG in this one! I NEED MORE PLEASE YEAAAHHHH

ESPECIALLY THE FIRST FEW SENTENCES!!! which I rewrote for you because I really really REALLU LIKED IT

“No matter what you do, death would always come to claim your soul, in the end. It was inevitable, eventually happening to everyone, with no exceptions.

Bain had known this unchangable fact ever since he had the ability to understand his circumstances.

His plans were meticulously lined up, and he had made peace with the situation. And yet, there is a stark dissonance between what he believes and what he does. The navigator would quietly panic about it as his remaining days steadily ticked down to zero. Dread pooling in his gut as the date ceaselessly approached.”

Bain knows that his relationship with them is far too close for it to be classified as strictly business, but he doesn’t care. YESSSSS OP THAT’S EXACTLY WHAT I WAS THINKING YATAAAAAAHHHHH

All in all, REALLY GOOD for your first post!!! NICE

Spelling, truly my oldest and worst enemy(Yet Grammar as whole I do pretty alright. One of my best subjects even).

Some of your rewrites are a bit too wordy for my taste; but that's a taste thing more than anything. Also me being a scatter brain but that's not the point! I'm so glad you the fic enough to show your passion by wanting to see it to be more! :D

As well as liking that the characterizations. That was something I worry about.

I'll make sure to not over use the names next time. It's a bit harder to do with a character like Bain instead of say Dallas(Nathan, Steele[and all of it's various additions that can be added such as Elder and The], Crew Chief, Banker, Mastermind, Medic, etc) but I'll see if I can scramble my brain eggs!

Either way really glad you liked it ^u^

#I was doodling all day hence the piss poor response time #The Revenant Mastermind #Fanfic Feedback #DesPaaCeeToeee #Sometimes you just need advice from a frog bois #Also the Soul Sang thing could also be constructed as Watcher Bain PDG Fourth King Theory #But we aint gonna talk about that ;)#Interpterion and all #The Revenant Mastermind - Armcannos #feedback #My Fanfic #AO3 Feedback #ACresponds #ACfeedback #ACwrites #textpost #Bain #Payday #Dallas

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artcupcakes · 3 years

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Yooo yooo yoo, dude, homie, buddy. Is that. A NEW FIC AAAAAAHHHHH ITS ABOUT MY BOY AAAAAGGHHH

I dunno if english is your first language? But this is like really good, has no business being THAT thought-out for your first post!!!

YEAH YEAH Jiro does in fact refer to the gang as his “new family” in one of the Kento trailers! I love your attention to detail, in fact, I love your ideas so much that uhhhh is it okay if I rewrite the first few paragraphs of this fic??? (I say this, waiting to send you the new sentences and metaphors I came up for them)

op, I’m gonna be honest with you. I do have a few gripes about the way you presented it, (not the concept itself!) but I don’t know if. If you are doing this as a hobby or working towards self-betterment. I know some people are emotionally hurt by constructive criticism, and that’s okay! Know your limits, definitely.

That being said, is it fine if I give my advice/opinions on your fanfiction? I would hate to insult you in any form, so I want to make sure. I’m being careful, see?

Oh yeah feel free, It's my first fic as long as you don't emotionally crush me at every chance you get I'd be more than willing to hear.

Of course First fic being used loosely, I got a whole vault of stuff I've written that I never finished or just never showed anyone for one reason or another. It's mostly been just a fun hobby I do as a way to do something creative when my brain doesn't want to draw. But that doesn't mean I don't want to better it.

It might not be my main focus but I do enjoy seeing improvement in my work. Helps me be my best self and fulfills something in the back of my mind to know I'm not stagnating

But yeah English is my first(Currently only as well but I'm trying to expand that) language.

Though I did took a lot of writing courses as a kid, and my mom's a teacher so I guess that might've rubbed off(But not her handwriting or math skills)

I can understand why the presentation might not be the best I can get a little, uh, scatter brained when writing and have trouble with paragraph's at time(I know a good theory behind it, I just have issues getting my brain to actually uh use that knowledge. I'm not sure if that makes sense).

I'm also aware I have a repeating words problem. Most of the time my brain just uh get's bent on certain phrases and doesn't want to let them go like an angry dog so I try to clean it up into something a bit more fancy looking(Something that can be past off as a stylistic choice).

I did not know HTML before this, so I image the italics might be a bit wonky. (Thank god Bandit is an amazing friend who helped me)

As for the detail comment? Thank you ^u^. I really like making things(Whether it be art or story) that you can come back to and notice something new. Also hyperfixation commands me try to know stuff down to the detail(While also being detrimentally lazy in other areas lmao)

So yeah feel free!

And thank you for the feedback ^u^

#The Revenant Mastermind #My fanfic #Fanfic feedback #DesPaaCeeToeee #Jiro met #Payday 2 fanfic #Feedback #ask #ACresponds #ACfeedback #The Revenant Mastermind - Armcannos #AO3 feedback #textpost #Payday #ACwrites

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artcupcakes · 3 years

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I mean if you haven’t finished Career, I could help you out;; I’m almost Infamy V rn and I’m able to carry one person.

Oh and for not dying I use the Anarchist perk deck, (regen armor over time, you have a ton of it. if you’re using this, equip the two-piece suit)

Maniac is for you and your team (damage absorption, also required for DW/DS) and Stoic can definitely carry the crew. (apply 75% dmg as poison, restores hp when not hit)

I understand these words, I think.

But at the same time I have never been more intimidated

#You are a beloved you know that #But yeah I'll think about it #also yeah still haven't finished career as I've been wanting to experience it fully with my brother #Alas job scheduling and personal life has made that a bit hard #also stop being so goddamn sweet and nice #You're gonna make me blush #DesPaaCeeToeee #Payday 2 #Payday #textpost #ACresponds #ask

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artcupcakes · 2 years

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Also as a side note the thing I’m writing is gonna be three parts, I’m almost done with the first and have started on the third.

Here are the titles I’ve gotta choose between: (1. third month/on tuesdays 2. plastic comb/an unrealistic fantasy 3. can’t let go/undone/a beautiful dream)

And it can be read as canon compliant! *wink wink wink* hahahahahaaaaaaaAAAAAAHHHHHHHH WHAT HAVE I DONE OH NO

I like Third Month, Plastic Comb, and A Beautiful Dream!

Also Payday is one of the few fandoms that I fear the words canon compliant Lmao

But yeah good for you, glad you're getting progress done on your writing ^u^

#It always makes me happy to hear such things #Fanfic stuff #DesPaaCeeToeee #textpost #ACresponds #ask

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artcupcakes · 2 years

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TIUR UWYSKDK YOUR FIC!! ART!!!!

DESTROYED BRUHHH

Yes I can already see a lot of improvement in this new fic you wro— YOU USED THE *fist slam PROPER NOUN THING!!!

You worked on your parsing a lil bit, I can see that! I don’t know if you meant it but the contrast between blue screens and “golden light” is metaphorical too?? YEAH I LOVE METAPHORS

“His” no I’m dead op I’m deaaaddd. I use “his” one single time in my fic, that is, when Dallas is being pulled away in that flashback sequence.

“A Mastermind controlling the Controller,” very potent. Hits hard. I like.

In-character internal dialogue: Bain sometimes uses the same word in a different way in a single sentence. Makes a bunch of jokes about gold, too.

OHHH READING BETWEEN THE LINES. Feelings of uselessness, self-depreciation, the works. “For treating him like something valuable,” mirrors stuff that they steal!

(Ch. 3 of my fic says ‘it made him feel important, like he mattered.’ What do they say about great minds, op??)

“RELEARN THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN LIVING AND SURVIVING” 👏 STANDINNG OVATION FOR THIS LINE YEAH SAY IT LOUDER

Yooo Bain never thought they’d be meeting like this;; he wanted it to go down differently but he’s stuck with this insteAD

So I see a small grammar thingy here.

“It’s” = “it is” while “Its” = akin to “his” or “hers.” If it is a name you’re referring to, it’s “(Name)’s.”

Unless the name ends in the letter S, then just add an apostrophe to show possession/ownership. “Dallas’ medic bag.” (Pronounced ‘Dallas-is,’ kinda stupid)

The use of the one curse word (that I avoid typing) is,, VERY in-character. Bain says that one a bunch, also the one that starts with S. He says the F-bomb on two occasions only. How do I know? ..uhhhhh

MEDIC IS A GOOD NOUN. But also WAIT he learns into his touch? Oh and you use both “protect” and “tumultuous” two times, might want to try “keep” and “conflicting” as substitutes???

HE TELLS HIS NAVIGATOR. WAAAAAAAA

See the word “visions?” It should be “vision’s,” because “his vision is blurry.” No apostrophe suggests that he’s a seer and his visions are fuzzy. Maybe whitehouse should be White House? it’s a building like Taj Mahal, but proper nouns are capitalized? Idk actually I’m just speaking from memory here

HIS PARTNER!!! Mmmmm unlabeled is a juicy word hheeee

A SOFTER ALTERNATIVE!!! DUDE I— YOOOOOOOOO

“All the world's money and yet what Bain wants is forever out of reach,” CLAP CLAP CLAP money can’t buy you happiness, homie!! FAVORITE LINE best summary yeha.

Next line you switch to a ripple metaphor instead? It’s a little jarring and such because you already had something going! The pond?? You didn’t mention a pond yet,, not to say that the metaphors AREN’T good, just that they would be better separate!

I will give you my all, is that a reference to the song? YES there was this thing I wrote before, where Bain gets betrayed by his partner in my friend’s AU. Quote: “he gave him his all, but his all wasn’t enough.”

The tunneling mental vision;; THE FOCUS is like AAAhhhhh it hurts so much,, possessive promouns hhhehhhhuurrttsss but GOOD yeah ANGST

ONly thing that could make it better is that he doesn’t want to burden Dallas with a love confession cus he knows that he’s dying. Wouldn’t that be cruel?

HAHAHAHA *maniacal laughter* KEEP IT UP OP I love getting emotionally demolished

Oh boy this is a long one, so buckle in for the responses under the cut!

Hey I can learn from critiques >;3

Also yes "His" >:). Bain has always been a bit possessive of his crew, so why not bump that shit up.

Also so glad you the little in between the line stuff ^u^

I would say in my defense that I have ADHD and it causes my head to get think farther ahead from what I'm typing(I've spelt 'the' as 'teh' to give an example of this word scrambling) and also it was 3am.

But I edited this shit afterwards. Also that doesn't explain my misuse of comma's later. So I aint got no excuses. XD

But hey apparently I also just don't use hyphens as I should as pointed out by my friend and Beta, so I'm still learning stuff. An example of this was me realizing that I forget spacing a lot. Such as gun smoke being gunsmoke(like the tv show) or each other as eachother.

So I'm still getting the hang of writing with a lot more revision and editing. This is the "first" time I got critique on writing I cared about. (First being the feed backing I'm getting from both this fic and The Revenant Mastermind).

My mom(An English Teacher) tried her best; sadly I'm my daddy's daughter. But I try and that's all that matters lmao

Your avoidances of cursing, whether it be for professional reasons or do to personal taste, is admirable. Like damn that's a lot of self control.

Yeah proper nouns are capitalized, hence why I capitalized Roles, Skills, and other such things in reference to characters such as Medic, Controller, and Mastermind. I guess I just missed that one. Oh well at least it's just the White House and nothing important XD

Partner is vague word I love. Also it has yeehaw energy!

He's so close yet so far from what he want's, like a lot of things in his life. How could I not write that line about the money.

Oh god I never even thought about metaphor set ups, payoffs, and consistency. FUCK! ...Time to go back to one of my almost finished WIPs. Damn.

Listen, I Will Give You My All is technically a Bain song(Technically also a Cloaker song by that logic too but shhh). Also I Will Give You My All 2017 finally after forever dropped on Spotify so I got a little hyped.

The Good Angst PainTM

I kinda implied that he didn't want to confess his love do him dying, but I guess it didn't come across well. Big L on my end lmao.

Me and the boi's emotionally devastating each other with glee

But yeah! Thank you for the feedback! I appreciate it so much when people leave comments or kudos and stuff! Plus you're very nice and polite about your critiques. A rare combo indeed!

So I hope you have a love day ^u^

#DesPaaCeeToeee #3AM me is my most productive self unfortunately so #Example would be my previously mentioned and current WIP which has been for the most part written and edited at night #Which is not ideal considering my beta lives like 5 hours ahead of me give or take #It's You and Only You - Armcannos #Fanfic Feedback #It's You and Only You #AO3 Feedback #My Fanfic #AcWrites #ACresponds #ask #Bain/Dallas #MasterGuide #Bain #Payday #longpost #textpost

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artcupcakes · 3 years

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HAHA op stopp. stopppp. You say I’m being nice but wait until I start trash talking you in-game.

PFFFTTT I’m just capping, really the only thing I get angry at is if someone is idling or if they’re not listening to me. Other than that I have a perpetual amount of patience with anyone!

Unless it is a board game or something: if you make a bad call, me and my friend group will never let you live it down. I still remember one of my friends dying from a silver bullet (betrayal at the house on the hill) and we kept referencing that for months.

Hey I just remembered, y’know your tags?? I posted the link to my fic a few days ahead because of them. I’m gonna level with you, I think that’s the nicest thing anybody has said about my writing, (though there’s not a high bar, MAN your comment def made it into the all-time top 3) I didn’t know if it was too self-indulgent, out of the question, etc.

So thank you. For that, I mean. (buddy I got like 16 views on the last chapter and I hope everyone is rolling on the floor crying or/and plotting my assassination KEK)

No U!!!

#I DON'T KNOW HOW TO SPEAK EMOTIONS #BUT I A VERY HAPPY #BIG EMOTIONS #AHHHHHHH #NO U #YOUR TOO NICE #DON'T THANK ME AHHHHHHHHHHHHH #I ONLY SPEAK TRUTH #DesPaaCeeToeee #Also Good Good Lord Vader Use Their 'hatred' aka the feels #Stop being so damn nice I can't word good when you do that #textpost #textpost with reaction image #ask #ACresponds

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artcupcakes · 3 years

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Hey dude. So I’ve been thinking about Payday 2, and how it’s a coop game,, with online features..

Y’know it took me awhile to do this, but. If you ever want to do a heist together? Just message my alt and I’ll tell you my Steam username.

Counter argument: I play so casually that I got down more than three times on hard difficulty. So unless you're okay with carrying hard-

#Also I'm unobservant af it took me over a month to remember how to dash #But fr I'll think about it #just a bit shy and socially anxious and all #Either way thank you for the offer #you're quite kind ^u^#DesPaaCeeToeee #Payday #Payday 2 #heisting #textpost #ACresponds #ask

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