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isitgintimeyet · 5 years

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The Ties That Bind

AO3

Thanks to everyone for reading. Time for Jamie and Claire to have an honest discussion.

Thanks to @mo-nighean-rouge for the beta.

Warning : Some swearing and NSFW below the cut

Chapter 16: An Uncomfortable Revelation

I do not think I responded immediately, for it took me a moment or two to fully digest these words of Miss Kenton. Moreover, as you might appreciate, their implications were such as to provoke a certain degree of sorrow within me. Indeed- why should I not admit it? - at that moment, my heart was breaking. -Kazuo Ishiguro, The Remains of the Day

Claire opened her door to find a sweating Jamie leaning against the door frame.

“Claire, Sassenach...” He managed, between gulps of air.

“Oh, god, look at you. Come in, sit down. Have you run all the way from yours?”

Her eyes were immediately drawn to his scraped and bloodied knuckles. She ushered him into the living room and gathered her first aid kit, ready to tend to his injuries.

Jamie tried hard not to wince as the sting of the antiseptic cream hit his hand. Claire gently massaged the cream into his skin with her fingertips. Soothing and relaxing, she held his hand between hers before lifting it to her lips and lightly kissing his palm. His throat tightened, the pain in his knuckles was nothing compared to what he knew he had to do.

“So, can you flex your fingers for me?” In professional mode, Claire took Jamie’s hand through a range of exercises and movements, finally confirming that it was fortunately not broken, merely bruised.

“And how did it happen?” Claire released his hand and sat back.

“I banged it on a tree.”

“Did you lose your balance then? Are you hurt anywhere else?” She scanned his body for further signs of injury.

Jamie shook his head. “Jes’ ma hand. I… I may have punched a tree.”

Claire began to laugh. “Punched a tree? Is this some sort of male testosterone-y thing? You’re never going to…”

She paused as a thought struck her. Her face grew worried. “Geneva. You’ve been to see Geneva. And now you’re in a bad mood. Because you’re going to have to tell me something. That I’m not going to like. Oh, fucking hell, Jamie, you said you weren’t going back to her. How could you say you love…”

Claire stood up, about to move away. Jamie grabbed her waist and pulled her, protesting, back on the sofa beside him.

“Claire, please listen tae me. Aye, something has happened, but…”

Claire struggled to pull away as Jamie’s arms wrapped even more tightly round her.

“Listen, LISTEN, PLEASE.” Jamie’s voice raised, then softened again as Claire relaxed her struggles. “Claire I love ye and only ye. I want us tae have a future together and I have told Geneva that. Ye are my girlfriend and nothing will change the way I feel about ye.”

Jamie could feel the tension in Claire’s body start to disappear. He took her hands in his and looked into her amber eyes, those amazing whisky-coloured eyes, looking right into his with complete trust. She smiled encouragingly.

“I’m listening.”

Jamie took a deep breath and looked down at his hand. “Ye ken I used tae go out wi’ Geneva last year and we met up again at that wedding, where I first saw ye. After that we went out for a couple of drinks but I knew it wasna right, so I ended it, before it had begun really. And most definitely before ye treated Wee Jamie and I asked ye out. She didna take it too well but I hadna heard from her since, until she started callin’ this past week or sae.”

He hesitated and looked up to Claire. Anxiety was etched on her face, her forehead furrowed, her eyes half closed, her teeth gnawed her lower lip. Waiting for the killer punch she knew was to come.

“Why Geneva wanted tae talk tae me is… is… weel,” Jamie stumbled over the words. This was the first time he had had to say them aloud. “She’s pregnant, she’s having a baby and…”

“But you said you knew it wasn’t right between you. You said you only went out for a drink a couple of times. What’s it got to do with you?”

Jamie felt his cheeks burning red hot. Claire pulled her hands out of Jamie’s grasp.

“Ah, I see. You idiot. You fucking great idiot. You knew it wasn’t right between you. You knew she wanted a relationship with you. And yet you still slept with her. Was it that important to get laid? To have a shag? Was the fuck worth it?”

The words of recrimination poured out of Claire, each sentence cruder than the one before, little barbed arrows designed to smart and sting.

Claire’s voice grew hoarse. “How can you have done that? Is it too great a distance for common sense to travel from your brain to your dick? Or is all your thinking done by your dick anyway? Was Geneva just a convenient and willing hole for you to stick your prick in? Is that what I am to you, just another hole for your cock?”

Claire stood and walked to the kitchen. Jamie remained seated, ashamed. She returned with a glass of water, slowly sipping it.

“Talk to me, James Fraser. Explain it to me.” She sounded calmer.

“I’ll tell ye. I’m no’ proud of ma actions, but it wasna all me either. I made no promises tae Geneva, didna lead her on. I dinna ken what went on in her head. But when she asked me tae go tae bed, I did. ‘Twas jes’ the one night and when she asked me again, I said ‘No.’”

Claire sat down next to Jamie, on the edge of the seat, tightly coiled ready to spring up again. Jamie placed his hand on her leg. She let it remain there but didn’t react to its presence. Her eyes were focussed, not on him but over his shoulder, towards her shelves with the twinkling fairy lights. Even without looking at him though, he knew she was listening, processing the information, hopefully giving him a chance to explain. He took a deep breath and continued.

“That’s why she was tryin’ tae get hold of me. Tae tell me. I canna tell ye how much of a shock it was, how much it upset me knowing how I'd have tae make ye feel. And, yes, Geneva did suggest that she and I could make it work. But I told her, I told her straight that I was wi’ ye and that I love ye. And that wasna goin’ tae change, bairn or no. Ye must believe me. I willna lie tae ye. I said I will support her and help, but not wi’ out ye.”

Claire exhaled. Jamie hadn’t realised she had been holding her breath. Still not willing to look at him, she asked shakily, “How do you know she’s pregnant? What if she’s not and it’s a ploy to get you back with her? What if she conveniently fakes a miscarriage and has to rely more and more on your emotional support? She could drag you back into her world. There’d be no room for me. Or what if it’s not your baby? What if she slept with someone else?”

“Nah, I believe her. She’s no’ lyin’.”

An image briefly flashed into his mind of Geneva’s face when he asked about the pill. The unwillingness to make eye contact, the hesitation in her response. He thrust it aside. Now was not the time to dwell on that.

“Nah, ‘tis mine. I’ve nae doubt. The dates...they match”

Claire sat quietly for a moment then gasped as another thought suddenly manifested. “But how… we always use protection. Why didn’t you? Or would it somehow have ruined the moment?” The sarcasm was obvious in her voice.

“D’ye really want tae know these details?”

Claire nodded.

“Weel, when we were together last year, she was on the pill. I asked her, afore… afore we… er, and she told me she was still on it. She now says she got a wee bit of a sickness bug. I suppose the pukin’ would’ve affected it.”

Claire emitted a typically Scottish sound of derision, making her opinion on that very clear. “So what happens now? About the baby, I mean. I assume she’s keeping it.”

“Aye, she is. Weel, I have tae tell Da and Jenny. I’m piss scared o’ Jenny. I’m sure she’ll have ma balls in a vice if she could. I said I would go with Geneva tae the twelve week scan. And then we will have tae figure something out.”

Claire turned and rested her head against Jamie’s chest. He felt her start to shake as her tears mingled with the sweat stains on his running vest. He wrapped his arms around her and kissed her head.

“Claire, hush, ye are ma love. This willna come between us, I know.”

“But, with me now, it’ll never be the first. Never the first time you hear the heartbeat, or see that blurry image, or hold your baby in your arms. I’ll never have those firsts with you. That’s been taken away from me. They’ll always be reruns.”

“There’ll still be firsts. The first time ye tell me ye’re pregnant and I ken that bairn was conceived in love, the first time I go to sleep wi’ my arms around yer belly feelin’ the kicks within ye. The first time I’m there fer the birth. And even the reruns, as ye call them, will be all the more special because I’m sharing them wi’ ye.”

Claire sat up and wiped the tears from her eyes with her sleeve. “I’m sorry. I was getting ahead of myself there, talking about having children with you. We’ve only been together for such a short time, my thoughts there were somewhat premature.”

“Dinna apologise, Sassenach. I have the same dreams, meself, wi’ ye.”

Finally, Claire looked up at Jamie. So many thoughts crowded inside her head, a jumbled seething mass of emotions too complicated to unpick tonight. One stood out, a beacon in this whole mess. Jamie was hers and he loved her. As though seeking affirmation, she brought her hands up to his face, holding him before bringing her mouth to his for a moment then breaking away.

“Jamie, come with me.”

Jamie recognised a note of urgency in Claire's voice.

Claire took Jamie’s hand from her leg, pulling him up and leading him into the bedroom.

She pushed him onto the bed and straddled him, one leg either side of his hips. She pulled at his vest, peeling it off his body and flinging it to the floor. Her fingernails raked down his chest, leaving thin red paths through his ginger hairs, until they reached the waistband of his shorts. Jamie rolled his hips towards her, his arousal clearly defined through the thin material. Claire climbed off him and quickly pulled off his shoes and socks before tugging his shorts down his legs to join his vest on the floor.

Jamie watched as, without any ceremony or teasing routine, Claire quickly removed her shirt and unhooked her bra. He reached out to capture a breast but Claire moved just out of reach. She raised her hips and pulled her yoga pants and knickers down together in one motion. For a moment, she stayed still kneeling next to him, watching as he ran his eyes all over her body. Then swiftly she moved, bringing her mouth to his stomach, biting and nipping around his abdomen, red marks showing the path of her lips and teeth. Her hands cupped his buttocks, pulling his hips closer into her.

Her movements became more frantic as she raised herself up Jamie’s body. Her mouth pressed hard against his, her tongue pushing and probing, before biting his lower lip. Her hands moved through his hair, grabbing it in her fists. Jamie groaned in pleasure as Claire reached for his hand and placed it between her legs.

“Do you want me?” She whispered harshly in his ear, sending shivers down his spine. “Do you want to fuck me?”

“Oh, God, Yes.”

He rolled Claire onto her back, positioning himself between her legs. Stilling himself for a moment, he leaned over and opened the drawer of the bedside table, pulling out a foil packet.

“Do you want tae put it on me?” he asked.

Claire opened her eyes fully and stared at the little square packet. Snatching it from Jamie’s fingers, she threw it across the room.

“Oh yes, have to take precautions. Can’t have any little accidents with your girlfriend, can we? A one-night stand, well, that’s a different matter.”

She pushed him off her and rolled away from him, pulling the cover over her body.

“I think you should go.”

#outlander fanfic #outlander fan fiction #the ties that bind #Jamie Fraser #claire beauchamp #Chapter 16

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