ok so considering im decently sure a good chunk of the f1 drivers dont actually like driving road cars on roads (fair) i propose a new grand prix to determine the real Best Driver.
behold. the rush hour grand prix.
1 lap. at rush hour on a friday night. all the usual normal commuters and terrible drivers are still on the road along with all the drivers. in the rain. everyone drives a car of their choice. they have to count out all their tolls using change, no one gets ez pass. and you get disqualified if you veer from the instructions (no wrong turns!)
and where does this take place?
thats right.
new jersey. (and new york city) (but mostly new jersey)
here is the proposed track:
we start and end on route 22 right outside the staples. a terrible awful road that would cause harm to any driver, especially european ones. route 22 is so terrible because there is a long stretch that has a center median with shops in it, so theres shops on the right the left and in the center with u turns every 500 feet.
they go east on 22 towards us route 1 and 9 and, thats right, newark liberty international airport. here they have to do a loop around all of the departure terminals before exiting and heading towards jersey city on route 78.
they take route 78 through the holland tunnel, which is a hilarious tunnel to go through as you can literally blink and miss the signs because theyre so small.
upon arriving in new york city they will head towards the canal street station, doing an awful little loopy loop to take hudson street to 8th avenue. new york will prove a challenge for many of them because every other street and avenue there is pretty much a one way in the opposite way.
theyre going to turn right on 23rd street and take it three blocks towards the flatiron building on fifth avenue before doing another turn around and heading back up sixth avenue
here theyre going to turn left on 40th street, then right on 7th avenue then immediately right again on 41st street and then back to 6th avenue which they'll take all the way to the bottom of central park. here they'll turn left onto 59th street then go around columbus circle, exiting on broadway and then going right onto 57th street, which they'll then take down to 11th avenue, then after. few blocks cut over to the west side highway (12 avenue) and then they'll get off at 40th street and enter, you guessed it, the lincoln tunnel.
they'll exit the lincoln and get onto route 3 which they'll take down to route 120 and then they'll do a single doughnut in the parking lot at the american dream mall (a terrible place) before getting onto, you guessed it! 95!! they'll take 95 (devil highway) to 78 to the garden state parkway before getting back on route 22, doing a quick hairpin turn at one the first u turn and then end up straight back where they started. outside the staples.
i think maybe 3 people would finish the whole thing. logan sargeant, being the only american, would come in first. fernando alonso takes second and valtteri bottas takes third.
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As Long As I Have You
Jackson Era!Joel Miller x F!Reader
Main Masterlist | Joel Miller Masterlist
Author’s note: My entry for the Space Sisters Discord Valentine’s exchange! Hope you like it @joels-shitty-puns ❤️
Summary: It’s yours and Joel’s first Valentine’s Day in Jackson and he wants to do something special. So he enlists the help of Ellie to distract you all day while he prepares his big surprise.
Word count: 2k
Warnings: reader is able-bodied, very light angst, drinking, kissing, super fluffy ending
Fic notifs: @beskarandblastersfics Fic recs: @kelbellsficrecs
Joel Miller is not one for grand displays of affection. He shows his love in simple ways such as holding you tight as you’re lying in bed together or saving the last bit of coffee for you, things like that. So when it comes to things like Christmas, your birthday, or even… Valentine‘s Day he flounders, never knowing what to get you to show you how much he loves you. That’s exactly what’s happening now in what will be your first Valentine’s Day in Jackson together.
After he met you in Kansas City almost a year and a half ago at this point, you quickly weaseled your way into his heart, unbeknownst to him. He’s not one for love. He’s not one for caring about other people. His “relationship” with Tess was a business partnership turned sexual, with no strings attached (at least out loud anyway). But you and Ellie made him realize what he missed most in this cruel world; people to look after and love. And that’s why he wants to show you how much he loves you.
He spends the days leading up to Valentine’s Day, planning out in his mind what he’ll do. It’s still winter so picking flowers is a no. There’s not exactly a mall down the street where he can buy chocolates or purchase a necklace. Fuck, what do people even do for Valentine’s Day? It’s been years since he properly celebrated. Maybe he can cook you a nice meal? He’ll want it to be a surprise but that’s hard to pull off when you two are basically attached at the hip. He’ll need help if he wants this to actually be a surprise.
So he turns to Ellie.
It’s two days before Valentine’s Day. He and Ellie are walking home from the dining hall while you’re at the stables tending to the horses, a rare moment where you’re not around so he can ask Ellie for a favor.
“I need help,” he says.
“What kind of help?”
“Y’know… Valentine’s Day is coming up and-”
“Gross,” she snorts, turning and looking at Joel, expecting there to be an amused expression on his face. But to her surprise, there’s not. “But continue.”
“I want to do something special.”
“I didn’t take you for a romantic.”
“I’m not but… she deserves something nice.”
“For putting up with your ass? Yeah, I’d say so,” she laughs, turning to look at him again. But again no amusement from him. “What do you need me to do?”
“Distract her while I make dinner all day.”
“Got it,” she nods, “Distract her how?”
“That’s for you to figure out,” he chuckles, opening the front door to his house.
He and Ellie sit at his kitchen table, feeling full from a meal at the dining hall. It’s silent for a moment while Joel ponders what exactly he’s going to make for you. What kind of post-apocalyptic dinner screams romance? Well for one, he could ask Tommy for a bottle of wine from the Tipsy Bison. He could ask Maria if she’s got any spare candles to set the mood. And he can probably go out and hunt something, perhaps a deer or rabbit. Maybe pair whatever he catches with a side of roasted vegetables. It’s all coming together in his head.
“Well, if you don’t need me anymore, I’m gonna go out with my friends,” Ellie says, getting up from her chair.
“Sure.”
“What time do you need me on the day of?”
“Around noon so and have her back by dinner time.”
“Jeez.”
“I have to make sure I have everything right, okay?” he sighs.
“Right right. Master chef Joel Miller is gracing our presence that day. Gotta make sure we’re all ready,” she jokes.
“Alright. Alright. Get outta here,” Joel says, slumping down further into his chair as Ellie leaves. Tomorrow, he’ll ask Tommy and Maria about the wine and candles. But in the meantime, he needs a drink. For a man who’s fought clickers, crossed the entire country with Ellie, and took out an entire hospital of Fireflies he’s so nervous for something as mundane as a Valentine’s Day dinner.
-
It’s the big day, Valentine’s Day in Jackson. Ellie asked you the day before if you could help her get her own Valentine’s Day surprise ready. Though, she won’t tell you or Joel who it’s for…
But that’s beside the point. He’s gotta get going on his plan. The wine and the candles are secured, hiding somewhere in the house where he didn’t think you’d find them. His meal is ready to be prepared and cooked. And after he’s done with the food, he’ll tidy up the house as best as he can. As he starts his day he wonders what exactly Ellie has planned to keep you distracted.
-
“So what is it that you need?” you ask.
“I, uh, wanna make a Valentine’s Day card.”
“Sure, that sounds like fun! Should we go back to Joel’s or-”
“No!” Ellie says a bit too loudly, “We’ll go to the dining hall.”
“Okay,” you nod, leading her there.
Maria has a table set up in the dining hall with papers, pens, pencils, paint— practically whatever art supplies were left over from before the outbreak. But she also has some homemade paint made from plant and vegetable dyes. It's a special thing for the holiday that Jackson does every year to make Valentine’s Day feel at least a little bit normal during these trying times.
You and Ellie sit across from each other, picking out what art supplies you want to use for your cards. You hadn’t thought too much about Valentine’s Day until Ellie brought it up. You just assumed you and Joel would spend the day together but you’re also happy to help Ellie out. It’s cute that she has a Valentine of her own even though she won’t tell you who it is.
“So who’s the special someone?” you ask, folding a piece of paper for your card.
“A person,” Ellie says nonchalantly.
“Well, we know that,” you snort. “But you don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to.”
She nods, resigning back to drawing her card. You try to take a peek at what she’s writing but it looks like she’s drawing a few plants, no name written yet. You keep your card simple on the front, drawing a heart and writing “To my valentine, Joel”.
But on the inside, you try your best to draw a silhouette of you and Joel sitting on a bench. The drawing is from behind and you’re resting your head on his shoulder. Ellie looks up from her card and steals a glance at yours.
“He’ll love that,” she says.
“You think?” you ask, holding it up to show her your progress.
“I do,” she smiles, looking down at her card. Still no name written on it yet.
You go to finish the inside, writing “Happy Valentine’s Day, Joel. As long as I have you, I’ll always be happy” followed by your name.
You notice that Ellie’s taking an exceptionally long time on her card, painting the flowers she drew. She must really be trying to impress someone. Eventually, her card is done and you assume this is where you part ways. But she says, “Alright, let’s go to the stables.”
“S-Sure,” you say, a bit surprised. You rise from your chair and hand your cards to Maria, who’s letting you keep them at the dining hall to dry before heading to the stables.
For some reason, you expect for this to be where Ellie gives her Valentine her card. But instead, you spend what feels like hours tending to the horses and the other livestock, giving the baby animals extra love. As you pet one of the new lambs, you wonder what Joel’s up to.
-
Joel’s plan is going to shit. He burned the rabbit and the vegetables. He found a tablecloth in the closet, presumably from the previous owners of this house, but he spilled red wine all over it. And to make matters worse, he caught it on fire slightly with one of the candles that tipped over. But he put it out before it spread any further.
The only thing that’s going his way is cleaning the house and even then, the kitchen’s still a disaster. You’ll be home in less than an hour and all he has is spilled wine, burnt dinner, a dirty kitchen, and a ruined tablecloth.
-
“Alright we can go now,” Ellie says right around dinner time.
“Okay. What now?” you ask.
“We’ll go get our cards. And then you should probably go home to Joel.”
“What about you?”
“I’m gonna go… deliver my card.”
“Good luck, Ellie. I’m sure whoever it’s for will love it,” you tell her, looking her in the eye and putting a hand on her shoulder. She looks away and mutters a “thanks” before walking with you back to the dining hall.
It’s packed inside, filled with all the couples of Jackson. You and Ellie grab your cards and prepare to part ways for the evening. But before she goes she blurts out, “Wait! I have to tell you something.”
“Okay,” you say, facing her again.
“There is no valentine.”
“Oh?”
“I lied. I’m sorry.”
“It’s okay. I still had fun spending the day with you,” you reassure her.
She sighs and says, “Just… When you go home it’ll all make sense,” before turning and walking down the street.
You shake your head, wondering what sort of shenanigans she has planned for you at home. But you’re just excited to see Joel and give him his card.
Except when you head inside, it smells… like something died in here.
“Jeez, Joel. Did a bomb go off in here?” you joke, taking off your shoes in the entryway.
He doesn’t respond and you don’t see him yet either. You take off your coat and grab the card from the pocket before turning into the kitchen to find Joel, sitting at the kitchen table with his head in his hands.
“What happened?!” you say, pulling up a chair next to him.
“I just… I tried doing something nice for you but it all went wrong.”
“What do you mean?”
“I burned dinner. I spilled the wine. And the tablecloth almost went up in flames,” he says, gesturing to the mess before him.
“Oh, Joel…” you sigh, wrapping your arms around him and pulling him into your chest, “It’s the thought that counts.”
“I know, I know,” he sighs, “You just deserve something special.”
You pull back, look him in the eye, and say, “As long as I have you, I’ll always be happy.”
“You mean that?”
“Swear on my heart,” you say, reaching for his hand and squeezing it, “And besides it’s not a total loss… You didn’t spill all the wine,” you add with a chuckle.
That gets a laugh out of him and he smiles for the first time today, a sight you’ll never get sick of seeing. He reaches forward and hands you a glass of wine before grabbing his own.
“I have something for you,” you tell him.
“Oh no, you’re about to make me feel worse,” he sighs.
“It’s nothing crazy,” you say, holding up the card.
He takes it in his hands and reads your note, admiring the drawing.
“I don’t deserve you,” he says after a beat, setting the card down on the table.
“Well now you’re just talking crazy,” you laugh, holding up your glass of wine to clink with his.
He laughs too, holding up his glass of wine and tapping it against yours.
“I love you,” he says, taking a sip.
“I love you, too,” you say.
And for a moment, you two sit there, leaning against each other and enjoying the stillness. But eventually, you hear his stomach growling so you laugh and say, “Should we go to the dining hall? I was in there earlier and the food smelled pretty good…”
“Might as well,” he sighs, standing from his chair.
He pulls you in for a hug, kissing your temple before whispering another “I love you”. And with that, you two walk hand in hand, ready to enjoy your first Valentine’s Day in Jackson together.
Banners by saradika, dividers by cafekitsune
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