broken, pt. 1 (3tan) | myg
title: broken (pt. 1)
pairing: 3tan!yoongi x reader(f)
series:masterlist | three tangerines | fireworks | house party | basketball | stay | sidewalk talk | friends | dalo | like that | anytime | sundress season | yoongiās interlude | forfeit | flutter | video call | busted
rating/genre: m (18+) ; angst , fluff ; brotherās best friend au, implied age gap au
summary: chilling conversations prolong things even furtherā¦ until everything goes to hell.
note: this is only one half of what was supposed to be a whole chapter! broken, pt. 2 will come out after i've had time to make it something i'm proud of. trying to rush everything out didn't do any favors, so hilariously and ironically, broken is broken up into two hahaha.
warnings: language, angst, tension, yoongiās pov is longgg, alcohol consumption, tobacco mentions, broš„², yoongi in the studioš©, the studio boys make another appearanceš, ā¦someone else makes their first appearancešš, scuffles, tense situations, did i say angst?, water bottles get their own warning, long hair yoongi, basketball yoongiļæ½ļæ½, crying, bro a ha ha, jimin has tats and heās not afraid to show them, the chains stay on(???), ā¦bad boy yoongišš, honestly he is on another level of warning here donāt perceive meš, the fluff is fluffing here like what, backstory weāve been waiting forš, yoongi on the phone, hand holding :ā)), kissing :ā)), oh god the kissingā¤ļøāš©¹, thereās just a lot in both parts i'm sorry y'all
playlist: broken (lp)
drop date: dec 3rd, 2023, 4:00pm est
word count: ...19.1k š¶āāļø
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Words abandon you.
They stand far from your form, pitying observers of your decaying state in front of the man youāve been lying to. At once, you feel completely alone, not even Yoongiās lingering presence helping when those eyes are piercing through time and space. Everything youāve experienced over the past two years slings across your vision, from the first time you left your house in the pouring rain to get to Yoongiās, to the car ride back you just took with his kiss still on your lips.Ā
All of those moments shattering into dust around your heels.Ā
Your feet make lines in them when you move to close the front door, something leaving your mouth before you can judge if it makes sense, āAbout what?āĀ
Zero sense. Absolute zero sense. Which your brother has absolute zero patience for. The drone in his question hits you like a punch to the gut, āReally.āĀ
āJust out late, is all,ā you grumble, trying your best to not acknowledge an atmosphere so tense itās almost crowded. āJimin had another party, remember?āĀ
āCourse I do.ā
Huh? Wait. Why does he sound soā
āI was there.ā
Dread launches up your veins, rocketing right to your heart in the middle of a pulse. He was there? You saw his car when Yoongi pulled up close to the house. He was there? When the fuck did he arrive? Oh, fuck, if he got there early enoughā¦ did he see youā¦ and Yoongiā¦
No. Thereās no way. Because one, Yoongi parked far down and around the corner. He made sure not to be close just in case you two could be spotted.Ā
With a thought you really cannot afford right now, you also assume he stayed that distance just so that he could pin you against his car. Fucking hell, focus! Upping the strength of your resolve to match cardboard, you lamely stall in your hunt for clarification, āYou were?āĀ
āI was.āĀ
The watch on his wrist glints in its twist. When aggravated veins stare back at you, itās obvious your brother is on the edge. Because he is deathly calm. āSo whereād you go?āĀ
You blink, not having expelled a single breath since you stepped foot inside.Ā
Does he not know? Or does he know and heās just waiting for you to finally spill? With all the hope in the universe, you yearn for it to be the first one. Because you cannot deal with a fallout right now. Not right after what happened with Yoongi.Ā
Itās just not the right time.Ā
āYuriās,ā you blurt, finally kicking into gear and strategizing how youāre gonna finesse this. āShe came and got me.āĀ
Your sibling just stands there, eyes a solid beam before he sighs at clasped wrists.Ā
Here it comes. Heās gonna ask why you didnāt say anything. Like he always does because for some reason youāre still not a true adult to him and he has to keep tabs on you at all times and you canāt just sneak around with his best friend in peaceā
āK.ā Your eyes shake once. āJust tell me next time.āĀ
And just like that, your brother vacates the foyer, dark dress shoes clacking as he retreats back into his room. Leaving you standing in silence.Ā
All the words around you just as speechless.Ā
Just like that, youāre gone again.
After watching you leave and wishing you didnāt have to, Yoongi shuts his door to rest ponderous thoughts on worn wood. Eyes closed and a storm on his mindās horizon.
Just a little longer. He hopes youāll understand. This is just something he needs. More than anything else.Ā
Exhausted, he peels himself from the door, meandering through the bog of his living room. Trudge, trudge, trudge to the dining table, skirting fingers along the edge and noting that it feels different than before.Ā
At least something in his apartment has changed for the better.Ā
Who wouldāve thought that table would witness both an end and a beginning. That it would see the worst and best of him. If it was ever called to stand, thereās no doubt that it could recite all his failures and shortcomings. But he hopes that it would also attest to how much heās fucking tried.Ā
As much as Yoongi wants to throw it out, he hasnāt. Because despite being withered to hell, all it needed to recover was the new company of a familiar face.Ā
And a little bit of summer rain.Ā
It watches as his thoughts move on, and soaks in the blues and pinks of sunrise as he crosses into the bedroom. At the feel of your lingering presence, Yoongi gnaws on his lip.Ā
What the fuck does he do now? The moment you leave, he wants nothing more than to have you back in his bed. Itās the one fact that he has come to fully acknowledge. Because there are many times youāve caught him slipping. But when youāre lost to your dreams? Visibly at peace and safe under his sheets? Thatās when he canāt even think straight.Ā
How your serenity throws him into disarray, Yoongi has no fucking clue.
But he canāt afford these feelings right now. Because how can he want you close while being the reason for this distance? Make it make sense. Donāt be a fucking hypocrite. Tsking, Yoongi once again accepts the consequences, heading to his bathroom before going back the fuck to sleep.Ā
Lies. Who is he kidding? Thereās no way his rest will be the same without you. Especially since he doesnāt know when heāll get to see you next.Ā
There is a way to remedy that. To put an end to your time apart. But Yoongiās been so in his fucking head that itās chaining him down and pulling taut. No matter how much he struggles, he canāt break free, and itās driving him to the brink.
But last night? With you? Half moons mar his palms as he stands. Staring. Branding that whole memory into his heart.
After three months of questioning his existence.Ā
All it took was your soft hums to give him a reason.Ā
And you wonāt ever know how much that meant to him. Not until Yoongi finally decides to tell you. Which will most likely be never. Maybe thatās why this time tears at his chest more than all the others. Maybe thatās why he stood in his doorway longer than usual. Maybe thatās why he canāt quite carry the weight in his chest.
Dumping himself on dark mountainsācreations of his and your designāYoongi buries his face in those valleys. Inhales those aromas like some hit he can live off of for however many days left he needs.Ā
Desperately grasping for a fading world where only you two exist. Drifting. Dreaming. Disarmed by a vibration on his nightstand.
The fuck.
Who is texting him this early. There are only a few people he has notifications on for wait itās probably you saying youāre home.
Peeling himself off the sheets with a groan, Yoongi simply shifts his upper body to reach for his phone, squinty-eyed as he checks his screen.
And he doesnāt see your name.
Dumbass: 1 New Message
But your brotherās.
What the hell does heā
Dumbass [07:30]: We need to talk.
ā¦Shit.
Yoongi grips his phone in panic, ice water streaming through his veins and mind set ablaze with potential scenarios.
Heās awake. You went home. And heās awake. Fuck, did anything happen? Did you say anything? What are the chances this text means he found everything out?Ā
Shit.Ā
Does Yoongi answer now? Or does he sleep and pretend that this is just a text and isnāt a problem at all? Think. Your brother may not even be referencing you, or him. Right? It could be something completely different.Ā
Why canāt he fucking move?Ā
Every regret Yoongiās kept at bay floods his brain, crashing into assumptions of your mental state and creating a massive whirlpool of dread. Just answer. Donāt answer. Just answer. Donāt fucking answer. Suddenly, another alert lights his home screen and itās a call oh fuckāwaitā¦ Itās Jungkook?Ā
Why not. Sure. Whatās one more issue.Ā
Picking up, Yoongi runs hard fingers through his hair as he answers.
āHey, you coming?ā
āHuh?ā
āWe have that session in thirty.ā
The what. The session? Oh, fuck. The session. Yoongi completely forgot they had a recording booked today because they were so hyped last night to get a date for the release party shit. Vacating his bed, Yoongi answers with a low, āYeah, Iāll be there.āĀ
āYeah, donāt be late. Itās those guys from before.āĀ
Fuck, itās that one. The dudes that stopped by the studio just as things were wrapping up, shocking everyone when they scheduled some time. Highly successful musicians and performers booking something with a no name studio? Things are rolling in the right direction and coming along fast.Ā
But as things go. If they donāt take this shit seriously, everything can crash just as quickly.
āHeading out,ā Yoongi finally says as he yanks a hoodie from his closet, and a loud vibration against his ear makes him flinch.Ā
Dumbass [7:40]: Heading over
Fuck!
āYou okay?āĀ
āShit, yeah.ā Yoongi grips soft material before his phone hits his desk with a thump. Hastily dressing, he grunts, āMaybe. Might be like two minutes late.āĀ
āNah, come now.āĀ
Heās heading over? Your brother? If thatās the case, thereās no way he doesnāt know.Ā
Fuck, relax. Donāt overthink. If anything, there wouldnāt have even been a heads-up. Yoongi figures heād just find out as soon as heās thrown against a wall. Or the ground. Or right onto his coffee table that this very guy helped pick out. Shit, he needs to know but he doesnāt wanna find out.Ā
But nevermind him. Are you okay? Swiping his device, Yoongi quickly types a text before fast-walking out of his room, going on autopilot when he assures into his receiver, āIāll get there.āĀ
Yoongi [7:42]: Going to the studio
āOn time? You better!ā
Goddamn, heās juggling too much right now.Ā
As Yoongi breaks into the dining room, he hears a rustling on the line before other voices jut through the speaker. Sounds like Hobi and Joon are already there, and the next thing said further spikes his stress level another peak,Ā
āWeāre already cutting it close with the prep.āĀ
Fucking hell, the prep. The mics, the tracks, the setup. They forgot to do all of it. Something inside of him starts snarling and almost pounces through the phone, āFuck, we shouldāve been ready already.āĀ
āShit, I know.āĀ
āWe canāt keep doing this.āĀ
āDude, relax, I get it.āĀ
āDo you? Cus this isā¦ Fuck.āĀ
āYeah, yeah, weāll get it done but itās gonna be tight. Hey, whereās theā¦ Damn it, whatās it called?ā
Frustrated and rummaging through his pantry, Yoongi knows he sure as hell didnāt think about anything else as soon as he heard you crying on the line. If he had remembered while leaving the studio, he couldāve spared a brain cell to rush everyone back in. āThe what.āĀ
āTheā¦ The overhead mic for the drums.āĀ
Of course, heād repeat every decision he made last night. Over, and over, and over again. But any of them shouldāve remembered this step before leaving, which pisses him off. The studioās lack of experience is showing and itās making him nervous.Ā
And Yoongi still doesnāt know whatās going on with his best friend.Ā
āWe need two overheads for drums,ā he corrects while swiping a water bottle from the counter. And heās about to rattle off where they are when he feels another long buzz.Ā
Dumbass: Incoming CallĀ
Of fucking course.Ā
Mind whirring so hard he can feel steam, Yoongi quickly recalls where the mics are, āTheyāre somewhere in the back by the amps, but I gotta take this so Iāll see yāall there.āĀ
āWait, where are theāā
Nope. Kookās just gonna have to figure out whatever heās asking on his own. Switching calls, Yoongi answers while opening his door, hastily putting out the food and water he grabbed from the kitchen.Ā
āHey.ā Fuck, is his voice shaking? What the hell is he gonna be faced with in the next few seconds? Can he freeze time and rewind and keep last night on repeat? āIām about to head out.āĀ
āDonāt leave yet, Iām coming.āĀ
āNo, justāāYoongi dashes back inside before grabbing his wallet and keys from the barāāYou good? I canāt be late.āĀ
āDonāt lie. Yāall are done, right?āĀ
Donāt lie. Yoongi feels like hurling.Ā
āWe got another project,ā he huffs as he meets sunrise again, blazing a trail through his corridor and rounding the corner to his car. āA bandās coming in for a session.ā
āShit.ā
Thereās a pause on the line. And itās the first bit of silence Yoongiās had since he got the first bone-chilling text. Is his secret safe? Are you okay? Should he work extra late and run from a problem yet again? Heās very good at that. Running. If there was a medal for distance ran from issues, heād be on the podium for both gold and silver.
āOkay, fine.āĀ
Relief is temporary. This could just be him biding his time in order to figure out what to do. Or maybe he truly doesnāt know whatās going on and Yoongi has a bit more uninterrupted time with you.Ā
Delusion is a great place to stay.
In any case, his friendās behavior is alarming. Whatās he doing up this early? And why is he wanting to swing by so bad if not to slice him into tiny pieces? Nerves slow on the downslope, Yoongi shuts his car door and lends his ear, āBut serious, are you okay?ā
āI justā¦ Tch. I canāt even say it.ā
He lets his friend go through a series of small sounds on the line, pulling out of the lot and hitting the road with tire squeaks. āWhatās up,ā he finally pushes, looking sideways and remembering the car ride home.Ā
There was no way Yoongi was gonna say no to you. He didnāt in this universe, and heād bet his whole life he doesnāt in any other one, either. Not when your wings looked like you hadnāt used them in months.Ā Ā Ā Ā
Pained, Yoongi hopes youāre completely fine and sleeping. Tucked away in a bed that captured part of his heart, visiting him in your dreams so that some version of him can be at your side.Ā
āEverything, Yoong.āĀ
But, as it so starkly turns out, he has to deal with reality. And with the fact that youāre just as far away as you were before last night. Maybe even further out of reach.Ā
So, so far away.Ā
āThereās a ton of shit, but. Fuck. Guess weāll have to wait.ā
Right now, deal with the studio prep and get through the session that will probably take awhile. After that, meet up with your brother and hope to god he doesnāt know. āK.ā
āJust lemme know when you get back.ā
Then, when all of that is done, Yoongi will be alone. Staring into the night and trying his hardest not to give up on himself again. āYeah, I will.āĀ
āNo running.ā
āK.ā
When the call ends, Yoongi lets out the harshest breath heās ever let out in his life. Hoping you went right to sleep without dealing with any of that.Ā
āHow did that sound?āĀ
Looking into the recording room, Yoongi raises a thumbs up as Hoseok clicks back to the beginning of the track. At their side, Namjoon hits a button on the console before speaking into a microphone, āYāall wanna come hear it?āĀ
āWe can move on. Wanna get the doubling done.āĀ
Huh? Theyāre gonna move onto vocal doubling already? With a few blinks, Yoongi think itād be better if theyā
āOkay!ā Jungkook agrees from the couch, cutting out any other thoughts. āIf any of you need adjustments, let us know.āĀ
āYeah, actually, can one of you come switch this out?āĀ
Joon throws a suggestion over his shoulder, but Yoongi is already heading for the booth before his name is even mentioned.Ā
Get everything done smooth. Stay disciplined. Be professional, goddamn it.
Entering the soundproofed room will always make him want to occupy the mic instead. That feeling hasnāt gone away, and there have been countless nights where heās spent time just sitting in this very space, visualizing what it would be like to work on this side of the glass someday. Deep down, Yoongi knows he could be somebody. But imposter syndrome runs deep.Ā
Avoiding cables strewn about the room, he offers his hands without a word, taking a guitar from the lead singer and making his leaveā
āHey.ā He turns. āYouāre good.āĀ
What? Where the hell did that come from? Did he even hear this guy right or was he just daydreaming again? Yoongiās so thrown he can only stare with question marks for eyes.Ā
Amused, the singer simply points to the side of his beaming countenance. āYou have an ear.āĀ
Huh. How the hell can this dude tell? All Yoongiās done is indicate if a recording take was good or not, and given a few minuscule suggestions to the keyboardist and guitaristāinstruments heās well-versed in.Ā
Yet again, heās so in his head that the man outright laughs, āRelax! You can talk to us like normal, you know. None of us care about etiquette shit.āĀ
āShit, my bad,ā Yoongi finally responds, instrument in his hands proving a little lighter. āThanks.āĀ
āOf course.ā Swishing long bangs to the side, the performer rests a hand on his hip. āWeāre open to anything. Weād just tell you if your opinion sucks.āĀ
Eyes creasing with his lips, Yoongi puffs out a laugh.Ā
āKidding. Only a little.ā
Even though these people are world-renowned, theyāre the first humble group to run through the studio. Everyone else has been either cocky, standoffish, or super opinionated, which made for unproductive hours.
Yoongi likes this change of pace. His shoulders start to feel composed, less scrunched than they had been since you left his place this morning. Comforted, he looks down at the guitar in his fingers.
Choosing not to say what he wants to.Ā
Should he? Nah. These guys know what theyāre doing. Despite the nice offer to speak up, itās not his place. Far from it.Ā
ā¦But what would you tell him to do? What would you be proud of?
Committed to his answer, Yoongi grips the neck and decides without another thought,Ā
āDo the chorus again.āĀ
The whole studio stills. But all heās looking at is the man in front of him, shaking his head when they ask, āSame way?āĀ
āUhm. No.ā As he hands the guitar back, Yoongi wordlessly checks if he can see the sheet music. When given the go-ahead, he scans the lines before pointing out a passage to note,Ā
āMm. Here. Vocals are fine as is, but. Ride the build-up quicker and hit the next chord after a bit longer.ā When he stops, he has to fight to ignore the eyes on him. Thereās no doubt that his extended time in the recording room is being questioned, and his hand movements probably make him look stupid. āItāll keep in time but hit harder.āĀ
Done. He said it.Ā
And the response that follows puts complete silence to shame.Ā
Instantly self-conscious, Yoongi swears he can hear Hobiās pants shift in the control room through two closed doors shit he took it too far. Fuck, if these guys walk out now the studio is done for and heāll be the only reason whyā
āWell, goddamn. Letās try that then.āĀ
Huh. Theyāre gonna take that?Ā
As he steps away, Yoongi feels slightly awkward doused in attention. Yeah, expressions seem like looks of approval, but they could just be polite.Ā
The man hums the chorus with Yoongiās notes in mind, and his eyebrows tick a bit before he addresses the others in the room, āYou heard him?ā
āMmhmm.ā
āYeah, we can try that.ā
āWhy didnāt you think of that, Woosung?ā
Yoongi canāt keep his amusement under wraps as the singer laughs, addressing his keyboardist with a grin, āDamn, not even Sammy? Straight to Woosung, huh.ā
āSammy wouldāve thought of it.ā
Another bout of mirth spreads joy around the recording booth, and Yoongi shares a look with the singer before they both nod.Ā
āLetās see how it sounds.āĀ
āK.ā
Proud and adrenaline-filled, he turns to walk back to the door, head so buzzed he doesnāt know what to do. But when Yoongi canāt see into the control room anymore, he misses a stare through the glass.
A stare that lingers on him just a little too long.Ā
The rest of the session goes smooth, and Yoongiās relieved that they havenāt asked him for anything else.Ā
After all. He doesnāt wanna push it, or step on Jungkookās toes. What happened in the recording room only went down because you would have scolded him for not seizing that moment. And the suggestion he gave was lauded after the next take.
It was the first time since you kissed him goodbye that he felt a healthy pulse in his chest. Despite the chaos of the morning, amid the thoughts and worries penetrating his brain, you reached out and kept him steady in just the right moment.Ā
Fuck being his good luck charm. You give guardian angels shame and you donāt even know it.Ā
āOkay, weāll take ten after this.ā
Jungkook holds up an arm while agreeing, āOkay! Weāll save what we got!āĀ
Yoongiās scanning the tracks when he feels hovering over his shoulder, and he already knows itās the kid without looking. āSup.ā
āNothing.ā
āYou sure.ā
At this, Jungkook pauses before he sighs. āYeah, itās nothing,ā he clearly lies.Ā
But Yoongi will let him figure out whether to run with that or not. He seems a little bothered about something, and it very well could be what happened in the booth. This is work, and theyāre both adults. If he wants to talk about something, Yoongi will gladly have that conversation.Ā
Suddenly, a vibration erupts in his hoodie pocket, and his phone is fished out without him even thinking.Ā
Hustler: Incoming Cā
Shit. You wouldnāt call him at work unless itās urgent. Which is quickly throwing any possible theories about your brother not knowing out the window.Ā
But fuck, he canāt answer yet. Thereās no way. Not only is he in very close range to someone you donāt wanna speak to right now, but heād get blasted for being on his phone during a session. Hoping you can wait just two more minutes, Yoongi turns the buzzing off within his hoodie pocket, anxiously waiting for the take to start.Ā
Hoping to everything that Jungkook didnāt happen to see what was on his screen.Ā
As soon as everyone looks pleasedāthree takes and thirty minutes laterāYoongi quickly excuses himself from the control room. His head practically overheats on the way out back, but the gust of morning breeze serves to soothe it some.Ā
Itās been chilly lately. A bit grey. But whatever the weather has been outside, itās no match for the atmosphere of his brain.Ā
Pulling his hood over hair he hasnāt cut in months, Yoongi looks around before ringing you up. Hoping that youāre good and didnāt have to go through a version of his panic earlier.Ā
Hustler: Outgoing CallĀ
Straight to voicemail? Shit.
Hustler: Outgoing Call
Fuck, still voicemail. Are you okay? On the phone with someone else? Did your brother actually end up finding out and things are worse than he thought? Clutching his phone, Yoongi glances up while giving it slight shakes, body on alert while deciding what the hell to do now.Ā
Maybe he can at least text you to ask what the hell happened this morning? Typing. Erasing. Retyping. Retrying.Ā
Yoongi [9:02]: Got a session today, doll.Ā
Thatās what he had to say? That wonāt do you any good, the fuck? Berating himself with a sigh, he takes a few steps while texting a follow-up.Ā
Yoongi [9:03]: Still going, but are you good?
Staring, it takes him a few seconds to decide if this is enough. If these two messages are gonna suffice to help him figure out what the hell heās getting into later.Ā
Itās not. Thereās too much he needs to know.Ā
Hustler: Outgoing CallĀ
When it doesnāt ring a third time, Yoongi gives up, cursing before turning and raking his hood off in distress.
Only to see Woosung materializing out of nowhereārelaxed, silent, and taking a drag.Ā
Shit. How much of that did he witness?
āBeen there,ā the man empathizes, blowing out smoke into crisp morning. After a swell of early traffic fills the alleyway, he continues, āIn trouble?ā
Great. With a sound of dejection, Yoongi answers to a stack of random boxes, āMight be.āĀ
āDonāt wanna commit anymore?āĀ
āI do,ā Yoongi blurts without hesitation, looking right into eyes that have seen plenty more than he has.Ā
And itās the first time heās admitted anything out loud. To a stranger miles above him in status, no less. Hands stuffed in his pockets, he clarifies, āItās justā¦ Thereās something I need to do first.āĀ
Wait a sec. Why the fuck is he talking about this so freely? This isnāt something he does. Privacy is practically his brand. So why is it easy to talk to this guy? Itās him, for fuckās sake. But whatās done is done. Woosung probably wonāt even remember this conversation even happened, or is already annoyed as hell he didnāt get a good read on him.Ā
To Yoongiās surprise, his alley companion speaks again after another white wisp. āMmmā¦ Something you need to do?ā
Well. Yoongi walked right into this one. Swallowing and knowing he canāt dip out, he sighs, āSome shit I wanna finish.ā The smell of tobacco wafts around him when he looks at dulled skies. āShit I need to get through.āĀ
An amused hum floats through empty space. āBeen there, too.āĀ
Yoongi slowly turns to regard his client, watching as Woosung becomes very interested in wet concrete.
What kind of shit has this guy seen? Surely, he could have had some of the same experiences. The slight droop in his confident shoulders tells enough. But would he understand the exact same situation?Ā
No. At least, Yoongi hopes not. Quite fucking frankly, he hopes no one has had to go through the same shit that he has.Ā
āLet me know if you ever need help,ā Woosung offers, shocking Yoongi to the point of speechlessness. As he drops his cigarette to squash it out, he runs a hand through wild dark locks. āWeāll be around again.āĀ
Wait. What? Yoongi can only blink. āSerious?ā
āYeah.ā The man looks down the outside corridor, watching as people start heading to their jobs through a central courtyard. āGot a good feeling about this place.ā
What does he mean by that. What can Woosung possibly mean by that what does he mean theyāll be back? To the studio? To the city? Whatās happening. Yoongi simply lets a pause prevail before offering the only response heās capable of,
āItās the food next door, huh.ā
That laugh has got to be top five in the world. Not as great as yours, but definitely up there in terms of what makes Yoongi feel like things are alright. Not that heād ever admit that shit to anyone. Ever.
Mercifully, the conversation moves away from risky topics. Instead, there are talks about a tour one is planning for his bandās album, mixed in with mentions of equipment the other is saving up for. Then the rest isnāt about music at all.
Finally, itās time for them to continue recording, so they know to head back inside. āDonāt wait,ļæ½ļæ½ļæ½ Woosung advises as he turns on his heel.Ā
And Yoongi can only stare somewhere else.Ā
āIf thereās something you need to get through...āĀ
Stare, and stare, and stare some more.
āHit it until it breaks.ā
Because heās already aware. More than anyone.
As Woosung shuts the back door, Yoongiās gaze finds the crushed cigarette at his side. Another reminder of how things were.
And a reminder that heās still a fucking coward.
Hours later, Yoongiās car awaits him in the lot.Ā
And when he realizes that you still havenāt responded, he shuts his door just a little too hard.Ā
Whenever his friend comes over for drinks, itās always the same routine.Ā
Both of them donāt talk much, instead opting for a quiet greeting before someone dumps themselves on the couch while the other grabs a bottle and cups in the kitchen. As soon as glasses are filled, conversation sparks as a game plays out on tvāor a sportscasting show if nothing interesting is airing.Ā
But this time? None of it happens that way. Because when Yoongi opens his door, heās pinned with a shadowed visage he's only seen piercing through others.Ā
And the whole arctic starts to seep into his bloodstream.
Raising a brow and giving space is his chosen course of action. Best to not disturb a beast if theyāre already ready to lunge.
And his friend eyes him as he stalks into the house, scanning around in search of somethingāliving room, dining table, even looking into the open doorway of the bedroom.Ā
Fuck. Relax. Donāt assume anything until things are on the table. Yoongi has got to pretend like tonight is normal and fine and that heās obviously and positively not seeing and sleeping with his friendās little sister.Ā
And that he most definitely didnāt eat you out where your brother is sitting now motherfucker he needs a drink. Or a smoke. Or both with a plane ticket out of the whole country.Ā
At least the television is already on. If it wasnāt for that ambiance, Yoongiās head would be jam packed with every goddamn sound known to man. Including the adorable way you talk in your sleep, and how you strain so beautifully when you come fuck, fuck, fuck! Focus.Ā
Whatās happened has happened. And whatās going to happen will happen. Whether itās a consequence of his actions, or nothing to do with any of this at all.Ā
But when faced with everything smushing together at once? Yoongi will probably need to be revived no matter what the outcome. This is the most stressed out heās been in years.Ā
Not only that, but his stress is more than obvious. Even now in the kitchen, heās scanning through his bottles with a fingerāan action heās never done while sober since the choices are always predictable. Holy shit, he needs to pull it together.Ā
Has he ever been this panicked? Does he appear just as chaotic and disjointed as he feels? This is too new. This is very new and if he doesnāt regain control thereās no telling where this foreign road leads.
But the silence still remains as he turns. And apparently the road hits a dead end at his dining table. Since itās occupied rather than the living room sofa.Ā
Sighing, Yoongi ambles to his friend, placing everything down with clinks and ignoring the way his furniture is getting burned through. Both whiskyās are ready. Yoongiās already holding his. And your brother still hasnāt moved a muscle. Honestly, what the fuck is going on withā
āI went to Jiminās last night.ā
ā¦What.Ā
Donāt react. Heās staring. Donāt fucking react. Take a drink. A sip. Pick up the goddamn glass. Doing so, Yoongi slowly brings the liquid to his lips, not quite following his own instructions as he asks behind a barrier, āHow was it.ā
His question is met with a laugh that isnāt funny at all. The kind that drags a finger along the chalkboard of your soul. And the next question directed his way pulverizes Yoongiās denial,
āCare to share whatās been going on?ā
Heās sick. Beyond sick. The room is closing in and closing in too fucking fast. Shit shit shit. Thereās no way he saw. No fucking way. He parked down the street he deliberately stopped as far away as possible and you saw your brotherās car in your driveway. Did he get there after you left? And didnāt see you while also not hearing from hiā
āWhy her, Yoong? Hmm?ā
Fuck!Ā
Yoongi canāt feel the air in his lungs. Because there isnāt any. Just a barren wasteland of shriveled futures and cracks in the foundation of every relationship heās had in his whole life. The millisecond before a crash and only his wheels spinning and spinning and spinningā
Your brother shoots out of the chair, making the glass in Yoongiās palm feel infinitely more solid.
āI mean, fuck! After all the shit weāve been through? Youāre gonna go back to her?ā
All theāshit, he canāt evenāback to? Back to you? What does he mean by back to you? Does he know about the first tiā
Volcanic, the man interrogating paces beside the dining table. Back and forth, back and forth. A pause. Back and forth.
And Yoongi still feels frozen in time. Is this it? Is this when things come crashing down? Glass suspends in midair all around him; an orchestra trembles beneath his feet, waiting for the moment to rip into his rib cage with swift strokes and a flourish as heās taken down.Ā
āCanāt fucking believe you.ā
When Yoongi finally chooses to speak, what comes out only feels like a horrible attempt more than anything else, āListen, itās my fauāā
āWhat, you just decided to fuck that bitch again? Couldnāt stay away?ā
Oh, fuck that.Ā
Wood scrapes into flooring as Yoongi vacates his chair, hard feet planted as he gets into the face of his best friend, his confidant, his day one. Only to speak so low only them two can hear, āHow bout you use your fucking words already and Iāll tell you.ā
āYeah? Is that what you want?ā They are only a breath apart. But no oneās going anywhere now. āNeed me to spell it out for that fuckass brain of yoursāā
āSay itāā
āStop fucking your ex, dude!ā
Yoongiās back connects with the chair behind him, palms flinging back to brace himself through a jolt of pain. And his eyes go so wide they stretch at the edges.
ā¦Motherfucker, what?
Your brother is not done in the slightest, but Yoongi can only stare as heās being berated for something that is one-hundred percent news to him, too.Ā
āEveryone was happy when you finally left. All of us. Only for you to go and, what, get back with her?ā
Nothing makes sense. This isnāt about you? Yoongiās heart canāt even reset to start beating again. Everything is coming as shock after shock and thereās no way he can keep up at this pace.
His ex? Her? Where the fuck did that come from and why the hell does he of all people think thatās actually true?
āIf youāre gonna be with her, you can count me out.āĀ
No. Never again. That would never, ever happen again. āThe fuck are you even sayingāā
āIām not fucking joking, Yoong. If youāre seriously back with her thenāā
āLook, I donāt know what the fuck you heard, but Iām not.ā
āSo everything I heard was a lie?ā
āHuh?ā
āHe told me!ā
Heāwho? Who the fuck would say that? And when how what the fuck and why? Yoongi stares, chest heaving with every inhale and exhale. Because he has a choice to make. Either he trudges into this lie and rubs sludge all over his bones, or he denies it like he wants because itās not fucking true.
What the actual fuck. Itās already bad enough that someone sent this along the rumor mill. And itās making him sick thinking about all the implications surrounding it. But itās even worse that his best friend believes it so easily. Heās coming at him so quick without even asking if itās true.Ā
The only silver liningāthe singular bright spot in this hellholeāis that he can use it as an out. An out to protect you from wrath and further fury from your older sibling because if you were the rumor? Heād be laid flat on his floor next to a broken dining set.
āYou gonna say anything or what?āĀ
Truthfully, Yoongi feels queasy knowing what heās gonna do. But itās for you. You, you, you. And for that, Yoongi will do anything.Ā
Even if it kills him.
āNo, I, ummā¦āĀ
āNo?āĀ
Just hurry up and fucking do it.Ā
Resigned, Yoongi lets the memories flood through. Every moment thatās haunted him from a distance charges forward as he surrenders to the pain of his past. āItāsāā Fuck, he canāt even begin to lie, head thundering, thundering, striking his heart in the rain. āI...āĀ
His friend halts. Tense before his shoulders fall back to normal. āYou what.ā
What the fuck does Yoongi do? What can he say when his brain is only firing up to beg him to run? Technically, he doesnāt have to say anything. He really doesnāt. But he can deflect. Itās what heās best at, after all. Heās been doing it to you and he will do it again.
In the most defeated voice he can muster, Yoongi comes up with something that will placate his friend while still prolonging this horrid fib, āYou donāt have to worry about that anymore.āĀ
āYou sure?ā
Itās true. More true than anything. āItās over now.āĀ
A century passes. Then another. Then another. Every piece of furniture waits in silence as the television seeps back into his ears.Ā
Then his friend sighs, not looking back as he slumps into the same chair that you always occupy. And Yoongi hopes his sigh of conflicted relief isnāt witnessed.Ā
Following suit, he rubs his lower back before taking his regular seat again, not giving any shits about waiting to drink.Ā
His ex?Ā
As his throat warms, Yoongi starts to harden the more memories keep crashing into each other like jagged waves fuck he really hates how she was brought into this he swears as soon as he figures out who said this he is going toā
āSorry.ā Haze shattered, he lifts his gaze. āIām so fucking stressed and hearing that last night justā¦ā
āItās done.ā Yoongi reaches for the thick bottle, pouring more into his glencairn. Wanting to talk about literally anything else, he diverts the conversation, āBut something else is up with you so say it.ā
It works. The man inhales deep, rubbing his face with weary hands. When he rests elbows on wood, he finally talks about other things clouding his mind,
āWork is shit,ā he groans downward. āTheyāre having me travel again.āĀ
āDomestic?ā
āYeah. But for longer. And I donātā¦ā Tapering off, he sits back, slowly playing with his glass. As if he doesnāt want to mention the next problem.Ā
When he finally does, Yoongi wholeheartedly understands the hesitation, āI dunno know whatās going on with my sister.ā
Oh. Fuck, how the hell does he respond? Keeping his cool, Yoongi just repeats the question, taking out his phone and pretending to check his screen. āYour sister?ā
āYeah.ā A sigh is sandwiched between explanations. āThe past few months, I feel like.. They havenāt really been themselves.āĀ
A sudden crack splits him through.
āNot laughing. Not eating as much. Like even when they sound happy, I can tell itās a front.. I donāt know.āĀ
The clunk of his phone hits the table very hard.Ā
No. No, no, no. Your texts have been so positive. So encouraging. Other than a few sad calls, youāve been happy to hear from him just as he had been relieved to hear from you. Even in the car, you mustāve put your feelings lightly.Ā
Your wings. Youāve been enduring all that? For him? Yoongiās heart rears its head, snagging one of his breaths and slamming both lungs into the floor.
And hatred paints his heart another shade darker.
āThey finally went out last night, but. Didnāt come back until this morning.ā Running rigid hands through his head, the man looks so pained. So helpless. āSame clothes, dude.āĀ
And Yoongi can only stare, feigning nonchalance but raging and tearing himself apart inside. āMm.ā
āI justā¦ I know I suck at this, but. I donāt know what the hell to do. Or if I even do anything.ā Your brother finally takes a swig, wincing at how much ethanol coats his tongue.Ā
Relax, relax, relax. As much as he wants to erupt on himself right now, Yoongi has to stay calm.
Not like he doesnāt know how. Thatās usually how he operates, anyway. Itās hard to tell heās struggling unless you look deep enough. And almost no one thinks to do so because his surface is all they want.Ā
But right now? He doesnāt think he can sequester this anger any longer. At him, his past, and his stupid present decisions.Ā
āLike I tried to say something but I just.. I felt like if I push too hard, theyāre gonna shut down even more. Ever since that fight with Kook, itās like..āĀ
Seeing an opening and keeping a neutral stance, Yoongi asks the most ironic question to date, āAre they seeing someone?ā
At this, his friend shakes his head, eyes glued to dark amber liquid. When he answers, all the breaths in the world cut at once,Ā
āI think she feels all alone.āĀ
This hit is the strongest. Straight to the gut, breath stuttering and muscles clenching so hard they lock. Itās almost severe enough to affect how Yoongi feels around his eyes.Ā
āAnd it sucks not knowing what to do.ā
Yoongiās heart lurches, deflating and slipping out of the crack in his chest. Piercing on the jagged edges before slumping down onto a table that continues to judge him.Ā Ā
Youāre hurting. Your brotherās hurting. And itās all his goddamn fault. Why canāt he just break free and admit shit? Why is he still haunted by the phantoms of his past? Why is he still so fucking weak? Itās clear that he hurt you. For months. Youāve been cheering for him that whole time while youāve been visibly broken and itās all because of his dumbass decision toā
āIām heading out again.ā
Yoongi raises his eyes. Because he canāt seem to move anything else. āWhen.ā
Your older sibling takes a slower, more measured sip. Looking towards the channel playing in the living room, he answers, āAfter our game. Dinner Friday, game on Saturday, fly out Sunday.āĀ
āMm. Weāll still be here,ā Yoongi assures, keeping things as normal and neutral as he can. āJust like last time.ā
How ironic. How hypocritical. He hasnāt been there for you in the slightest so how the fuck can he say that with a straight face.Ā
āThanks. I know itās a lot for yāall but..ā
Not at all. Yoongi is more determined than ever to make everything up to you. Itās the least he can do after putting you through something he decided on the fly.Ā
On the run.
āDonāt worry about that,ā he vows into his drink. Honestly, if youāve been having second thoughts about this whole thing, he doesnāt blame you. Absolutely doesnāt blame you if you realize youāre better than this. But Yoongiās at least gonna apologize in every single way he can. As soon as he possibly can. āWe got it.āĀ
āK.ā The man finishes his glass and goes to pour more. āDid I ever mention that she liked you?ā
Now whatā Coughing on whisky is a bitch and a half. Hitting his chest while both eyes squint from burn, Yoongi croaks out his exact thoughts, āWhat.ā
At this, his friend finally breaks into his regular smile. Setting the bottle down with a hollow clunk, he points, āDonāt you fucking get any ideas. Jiminās already on my shit list.ā He scoffs out a laugh. āBut it was obvious when we were younger.ā
And Yoongi can only cough some more. He shakes his head through the sting, swallowing and trying to compose himself. He doesnāt know where the hell that came from, but he hopes your brother will understand when all is said and done. Even though heās been the reason youāve been soā¦
Yoongi almost fucking confesses.
āYouāre a good person,ā he blurts instead. Whether the guilt or last cough pushed it out, thatās still on the table. āYou donāt suck at what you think you do.ā
āYou think so?ā
āWhy wouldnāt I?āĀ
The hell? Does this dude really not see how successful he is? How much heās overcome and conquered and sacrificed? Truthfully, Yoongi wouldnāt be where he is today if not for your brother. Him. Jimin. You. Anybody. Which is what makes this ongoing betrayalā¦Ā
Unprecedented.Ā Ā
āYouāre the best out of all of us.āĀ
Your brother finally looks at him, though Yoongi isnāt doing the same. But he can still tell when a fist is held out for him to bump, so he does.
And they both share a drink in respectful silence.Ā
After a moment of them watching the tv, the man finally sighs. āGuess we did shape up pretty nice.ā When heās agreed with, he keeps going with a grin. āWe were so fucking bad.ā
Yoongi can only chuckle, much better memories fighting off the terrors. āOld me was a little shit.ā
āYou still are.ā
āSays you!ā
āI still am, too!ā
Laughs precede big swigs of whisky and comfortable quiet. Bit by bit, shoulders start to relax with the surrounding air, and Yoongi lazily releases tension in his neck.Ā
After a few more pours, your brother decides to call it, using the bathroom before announcing that heās gonna head out. Yoongi gets up from his chair to clasp hands goodbye, not expecting to hear one more plea,
āBreak up with her, Yoong.āĀ
Shit. He sighs, and their conversation continues from the dining table to the front door. āItās not like that.āĀ
āYeah?āĀ
āItās over now.āĀ
āFor good?ā As they stop beside the coat closet, your brother pins him with a look. āI was about to drive over and break down the door.ā
Even though Yoongi shares a tsk with him, he canāt help but imagine what couldāve happened if that was the case. And it sends an unwanted jolt of chills.Ā
āSerious. Iām gonna keep saying this, but. she was just making you miserable, dude.ā He slips on his shoes, smacking his foot on the ground to push one in place. āIām sure it was good at first, but I meanā¦ You gotta move on. You deserve better than that.āĀ
Anything would be better than that. Yoongi just disagrees with the whole deserving part. āI guess.āĀ
āYou sure itās over?ā
āYeah,ā he assures, because that is something he intends to keep true forever. āIt is.āĀ
āGood.ā Keys jingling, your sibling then points into the open area with his whole arm, seven words leaving his mouth like ice,Ā
āThen get rid of that fucking guitar.āĀ
Ah. Among all the things. Of course he would bring that up, too. Jaw working, Yoongi looks away, now assaulted by all the torturous thoughts surrounding that painful reminder and fighting them off with no success.Ā
Get rid of it? Heās been trying.Ā
For three. Fucking. Months.Ā
āI might.āĀ
āā¦K.āĀ
And his best friend departs, leaving Yoongi inside and staring at the same black spot heās kept in the corner for years. It has mocked him as he struggles. Laughed at him whenever heās tried to throw it out. And aside from the times heās made you feel better stinging himself on those strings, he has accomplished nothing except letting it win.
Pissed off and doused in guilt, Yoongi yanks himself away from the door, the instrument, and everything else except for his bed.
Keeping his shadow exactly where it stands.Ā
Yoongi knows he needs to talk to you.
But his phone exists somewhere on the other side of his bedroom door.
And he doesnāt have the strength to go get it.Ā
What time is it?Ā
All that greets him is darkness.Ā
Nothing new, but darkness all the same.Ā
Why was she mentioned? What does that mean?Ā
He needs to call you. Heās lying to his best friend.Ā
Her? You. His sheets still smell like you.Ā
Inhale. Breathe. Inhale.Ā
He needs to call you. But heās so, so tired.Ā
And the darkness pulls him back under.Ā
Without even telling him the time.Ā
Buzzing.Ā
Faint, gentle buzzing softly lifts Yoongiās eyelids before a loud series of smacks causes him to rush out of bed what the fuck?Ā
Oh. His phone fell outside. Fucking hell, his heartās beating way too quick for that to be the only thing that happened.Ā
Head in his hands, Yoongi sighs deep before making his way to the dining table. And it takes all of his strength to bend down to reach for his phone.Ā
Hustler: Missed Calls (6)
Dumbass: 1 Message
Hustler: 3 MessagesĀ
Chim: 7 MessagesĀ Ā Ā
Chim: Missed Calls (3)Ā
Holy fuck.Ā
With only the light of his phone illuminating the dark, Yoongi rings Jimin up. His heartās a little disappointed it wasnāt you calling just now, but itās probably best to stay away while his brain is so scattered and torn.Ā
āOh, fuck. There you are.āĀ
āMm.āĀ
āDonāt scare me like that, bro. I was starting to get ready to drive overāāĀ
āItās fine,ā he juts in. āWhatās up.āĀ
Alright, maybe he shouldnāt be an asshole. Thereās no reason to let his lingering shadow from earlier control his temper now. Jiminās just being himself, for fuckās sake.Ā
āI, umm. I wanted to tell you Iām sorry.āĀ
Now thatās not what Yoongi expected at all. āFor what?āĀ
Thereās another pause on the line, and his reaction is immediate when he knows for a fact Jimin is fighting back tears.Ā
āIā¦ I got so drunk last night, IāAnd Iāā
Shit. A sinking feeling starts to weigh Yoongi down, his center pulling the rest of him in like a black hole. And he doesnāt need to hear the rest of this to know what this call is about.Ā
āHe was looking for her, Yoong, and you werenāt there, either. He had this look, IāI couldnāt think of anything else to say in the moment and I told himāā
Jimin canāt even finish his confession. And it hits right in the gut.Ā
Despite his perceived persona, Yoongi doesnāt like hearing people cry. At least, if they donāt deserve to or donāt deserve to be sadāor if theyāre you. He could care less about the rest.
But Jimin is one of the only people that can get him like this: eyes stinging at their edges and his chest concave. In the dark, though, no one can tell. No one can see him.
So he can openly swipe at his eyes before dumping tired limbs into a chair, catching his forehead in a damp palm.Ā
āIām an idiot. Iām sorry.āĀ
Exhaling through his nose, Yoongi tries his best to calm his emotions. Because they are still raging and itās going to take all of him to quell this tempest.Ā
Jimin knows more than anyone what this means to him. To you. The time you spent apart? If it wasnāt for his friend, Yoongi may have been in a much different position. If this was the only thing Park could do, then his effort has to be acknowledged. It worked like a fucking charm.
But goddamn, Yoongi wishes Jimin thought of literally anything else. He couldāve made up some random, some fling from another city, the damn studio itself.Ā
āDonāt worry about it,ā he finally rasps out. āItās just been a fuckinā day.āĀ
Jimin sniffles before cursing at himself and, judging by the sounds on the line, Yoongi figures heās opening his fridge. If he reaches for soju, that would not be surprising in the least, and now that sounds like a good idea.
āSame. Gah, I justā¦ I shouldāve warned you. I didnāt know he went over there.āĀ
āHe told you?āĀ
āI called him after you didnāt answer earlier.āĀ
āOh. Yeah, I passed out after he left.āĀ
āAh.āĀ
Something shuts before thereās a crisp clink on the line, validating exactly what Yoongi was thinking.Ā
āI really am sorry. What did you end up saying?āĀ
āThat itās done.āĀ
A hum.Ā
āThatās very true.āĀ
Thereās a question that Yoongi thinks to ask. Context that he needs. But as important as this information is, Yoongi doesnāt feel like talking about it right now. Or ever. But now still counts. So he switches the conversation over to something less daunting, āPractice still on tomorrow?āĀ
When Jimin laughs out of surprise, it gives Yoongi the smallest kick of energy.
āAh, someone actually ready to go for once?āĀ
āYeah. The plan is to make this game quick.āĀ
A hearty swallow spills out of the speaker before a hum follows,Ā
āMm, that reminds me. Got something that might help with that.āĀ
What the hell does that even mean? āHuh?āĀ
āIāll bring it over tomorrow. You might find some good uses for it.ā
Yoongi rubs the grogginess still clinging to his face. āAll these years and youāve never given me a straight answer.āĀ
āWhereās the fun in that?āĀ
āKnowing the answer.āĀ
At least Jiminās back in a good mood. Or a better state than puffy-eyed and regretful. He doesnāt have to share the pain in this, too. It was an honest mistake.Ā
āYouāll know it when you see it.āĀ
āAnnoying.ā
āLove you, too!āĀ
Yoongiās huff billows through his nose, and Jiminās energy almost brings enough strength for him to clear the table.Ā
Ehh. Heāll leave it alone. Heās been pretty good at that lately, too, no matter how early or late it is in the night. What time even is it? Checking his phone, Yoongiās brows crease when he figures that out. Why the hell are they even on a call right now? āWait, is it really three?āĀ
āHuh? Yeah. Iām telling you, dude, I was getting worried.āĀ
He was really about to drive over? āSorry. I really did just pass out.āĀ
āMm. Well, Iām gonna go do that now.āĀ
āK. Same time tomorrow?āĀ
āAh, a little earlier. Just so I can give this to you before everyone else shows.āĀ
That just makes Yoongi infinitely more curious. āSeriously, what did you get?āĀ
āRelax! You will like it.āĀ
āChim, I swearāā
āYouāll thank me later bye!ā
As soon as Jimin disappears from the line, Yoongi is left alone again.
Exactly where he always ends up.Ā
Exactly where he doesnāt want to be.Ā
But now that heās done dealing with those notifications, Yoongi roams lidded eyes over his screen again.Ā
Wait. You called him six times? Fuck. What did you text? Were you wondering where he was, too?Ā
Hustler [20:01]: HOLY FUCK!! my phone died after i tried calling you this morning and i just fully woke up to charge itš heās not home so call wheneverĀ Ā
Yoongi clutches his phone a little tighter.Ā
He very much wouldāve rather been in your bed with you all day.Ā
That sounds like fucking bliss.Ā
Hustler [23:37]: tried calling but heās home now. are you ok?? idk whatās going on with him but i think we need to be careful
Shit, Yoongi didnāt get to tell you. Youāve probably been worried about that every second youāve been awake today.Ā
And he couldnāt even make it out of his goddamn room to help.Ā
All he comes with is worries for you. What kind of shit is this? What is he even doing? He even outright told you that you were dating only for that to be ripped from your hands for months. Why are you still giving someone like him a chance?Ā
Hustler [23:40]: but all i wanna do is see you
Fucking hell.
Nothing in the world can stop his heartbeat quite like you can. With that smile, or those eyes, or the simple shit like this. Not even lightning can strike him the same way.Ā
Despite the consistency Yoongi has with admitting his own shortcomings, and despite the way he keeps reminding himself he doesnāt deserve youā¦
All he wants to do is see you, too.Ā
Youāve been more than he ever wouldāve imaginedāyour consideration, your intellect, your mind. And there have been times when youād look at him as if he was the center of your galaxy.Ā
After all this time. All these days and nights.Ā
You still donāt realize that he was destined to orbit you.Ā Ā
Itās been decided long before his mind was made upāat least, the part of him that doesnāt traverse the dark side. His heart had been tugging him to you ever since that rainy day, no matter where heās drifted or which direction heās gone in. All of them lead back into your arms.Ā
But just like the feeling he gets walking into the recording booth, imposter syndrome eats him alive and doubt scavenges on whatās left.Ā
He will never be good enough for you. One of these days, you will realize that you donāt have to settle for him. Itās good now, but youāll only give him so many chances, which he is swiftly running through at breakneck speeds.Ā
How fucking stupid. Having these thoughts while wanting nothing more than to hear your voice.Ā
Just like everyone else, youāll eventually be done passing through. His winter will return after your inevitable departure, all the warmth you give focused on something else that deserves it more.Ā
Something that isnāt broken.Ā
Yoongi whips his head up at the sound of buzzing, noticing thin lines of light beneath his phone on the table.Ā
What. No way.Ā
From the rapid beats inside his chest, he shoots his hopes right into the dark.Ā
And they burst into beautiful sparks when he reads his screen.Ā
Hustler: Incoming CallĀ
But just like the streaks of color he witnessed with you on that balcony, his brightness is short lived. Because as soon as Yoongi answers, the way your throat constricts scorches his windpipe through.
And the first thing you attempt to get through makes his eyes shut tight.Ā
āAre weā¦ is this over?āĀ
Fuck.
āI get it, if we are. If youāif you donāt wanna do this with me anymore.āĀ
Fuck. Fuck everything this is not happening right now. āHold up,ā Yoongi breathes, body on full alert. āWhatās going on?āĀ
āI thoughtā¦ When you werenāt picking up, Iāā
āBreathe, babe,ā Yoongi softens, hating, hating, hating himself all over again. āI passed out before you called. Thatās it.āĀ
āOh. Shit, I really thoughtāā
āYou would know,ā he whooshes, syllables squeezed out by the mountain of regret on his back. After hearing what he put you through? Hearing how you sound now? Thereās no way he can do that shit again. No more disappearing from the grid because he canāt fight himself. āYou would know if I was done.āĀ
Your sniffle sinks the ship with his heart inside.Ā
āAre you? With me?āĀ
Yoongi folds, fingers digging through his hair and blocking it in hard chunks. The amount of things he wants to say to you could wrap the whole world before repeating. But he settles with a truth he can say out loud,Ā
āNo way in hell, doll.āĀ
Please. Donāt cry. Because he can only handle feeling his eyes sting so much in one night. Thereās only so much he can take before heās grabbing his keys and speeding overāfriends and brothers be damned.Ā
āOkayā¦ Iām just. Itās been a day.āĀ
Thatās okay.Ā
Because heās had a day, too.Ā
āI donāt wanna bother you with it, though, itās so late.āĀ
Please keep going.Ā
Please donāt leave him alone.Ā
āTalk to me.āĀ
Like a gentle stream, your recapāthough not idealāwashes away the weariness from Yoongiās eyes. Lifts the weight he bears on his shoulders, even if just a little bit.Ā
Youāre so good at that.Ā
āWell. Umm. He saw me coming home this morning. And, umm. It was weird. I donāt know why but I think we have to be really careful. And ugh, itā. It sucks because heās going on a trip soon and I donāt wanna stress him out even more but IāāĀ
Shit, youāve probably been holding all of this in ever since you got up. You donāt know that your brother believes something entirely different. But of course youād be considerate, even now. Thatās just who you are.
āI, umm. I feel so fucking bad about it but I donāt wanna mess him up right now. Or maybe he knows but just wonāt say it? Fuck, sorry, Iām trying notātoāāĀ Ā
The phone goes mute, and Yoongiās head suddenly weighs ten times heavier.Ā
āHe doesnāt know, babe,ā he soothes, hating how he canāt be there to comfort you with more than his word and waves in the sky.Ā
If he was stronger, things could be different by now. Vastly different. Vastly better. You would cry less, he knows that for damn sure. Weak, weak, weak. Thatās all he fucking is.Ā
The only one he seems to be strong for is you. āHe came over earlier.āĀ
āFuck, really?āĀ
āYeah.āĀ
You pause, seemingly to roll this information around that beautiful mouth of yours, and Yoongi has the strongest yearning to kiss all your worries right out of it.Ā
āWhat did he say?āĀ
Shit. Youāll just have to forgive him later. Because Yoongi chooses not to tell the whole truth. You donāt need to bear the same worries as him, anyway. They arenāt yours. He will shoulder all of those on his own. Because heās the reason for them in the first place. āNothing about us.āĀ
āOh, thank fuck.āĀ
Good. Your relief is all that matters. But Yoongi still feels bad for not being able to pick himself up. You couldāve known that a lot sooner if he was stronger. If he was better. āSo donāt worry, doll.āĀ
āOkay. What about you? Are you okay?āĀ
Huh? Your questions catch him completely off-guard. Itās almost comical how his first reaction goes straight to a No. But sticking to his earlier stances, he wonāt bother you with any of that. There is a truth that he can admit. One thatās always true and will continue to be so. āJust wanna see you.āĀ
And this is when his eyes slowly shut. Donāt. Donāt cry.
āMe, too, baby.āĀ
Hearing that? Chipped and broken from your lips? That is another thing Yoongi canāt handle. His heart beats once before it free falls, and he clutches his phone just a little tighter.Ā
Fuck everything. Heās gonna find a way to do this. All of it.
āIāll figure it out.ā
āYou will?ā
Heāll figure out how to move mountains to make it up to both you and your brother.Ā
āJust a little longer.ā
He has to.
āOkay.ā
Neither of you deserve this. And he doesnāt deserve either of you. Truly, the only thing he deserves is to be alone. And judging by the way things are going, itās only a matter of time before you start resenting this behavior and leave, too.Ā
āThank you.ā
What? Something in Yoongi flickers, and he lifts his whole head to eye his screen.Ā
āFor putting up with me.ā
Oh. Of course youād assume youāre the issue. Seems like you need the same type of assurance that he does. Both of you the same? Who wouldāve thought his bruised soul would sync up with a perfect one like yours.Ā
At this, he holds his breath before chuckling soft. āThis has been the highlight of my day, doll,ā he admits, finally breaking into a tiny smile and sitting back.
āReally?ā
Wait. There was another good part of his day. But he wants to save that for when he can tell you in person. āOne of them. But youāll hear about the other one later.ā
āBoo.ā
Cute. Wait, isnāt it absurdly late? You have to be up for work in mere hours. Itās a miracle you reached out when you did. āDonāt you have to be up soon?ā
āA haā¦ Yeah.āĀ
āWhat are you still talking to me for?āĀ
āI miss you.āĀ
Well. Thatās not something that he expected. And your admittance being so immediate actually sends shivers down his arms.Ā
Yoongi can only laugh to himself. He knew he had it bad, but this feeling is something else. āDonāt do that.āĀ
āDonāt do what? Miss you? Yeah, right.āĀ Ā
God. Youāre getting too fucking good at this. Heās gotta fight back or else his throne will be taken before he even sees you again. āJust a bad night to say it, doll.āĀ
āWhy?āĀ
Perfect. āCus Iām willing to get in the car.āĀ
āFuck.āĀ
Yoongi happily lets his mouth slant when you groan, chuckling into the receiver and getting up to clear the table. When he flicks on the kitchen light, he doubles down, āWanna try again?āĀ
He knows youāre gonna say no. Even though your brother doesnāt know, itās definitely not a proper time to sneak you outāas much as he fucking wants to. Fuck, to be the one sneaking you out of your houseā¦ Maybe thereās another version of you both out there thatās done it. A version of him watching a version of you creeping out to his car, face shining in nightfall and etching a permanent smile into his heart.
āI hate you.āĀ
Yoongi shouldāve expected that. The sudden laugh that flings out into his liquor cabinet ricochets off multiple bottles, and he shuts it while sporting a wide grin. āThatās better.āĀ
āHa ha.āĀ
Youāre smiling, too. Cute ass. Just the fact that he knows makes him excited for the future, and heās determined to make it count. Make it worth it. You deserve every goddamn apology he can give. āI miss you, too, babe,ā he whispers, grabbing the glasses from the table to wash in his sink.Ā
āNu uh! You hate me, too.āĀ
Wait. Did youā¦
Did you just pout?Ā
Hell no, thatās outright cheating. Thatās when Yoongi will never be able to win. Putting the phone down, he promptly states his new plan into a basin, āNah, Iām going to sleep.āĀ
āWait, huh? Why!āĀ
āNothing.āĀ
āI swear to godāāĀ
āNothing at all,ā Yoongi lies, voice straight as he can muster while hot water runs over his hands. Itās a good kind of sting as his chilled skin adjusts, and he cleans one glass before he hears you ask in his ear,Ā
āGetting ready for bed? Or are you in the kitchen?āĀ
The smallest smile graces his face. āGuess.āĀ
āKitchen.āĀ
The hell? āHowād you know?āĀ
āYouāre always in there.āĀ
Canāt deny that. The glasses are both set to dry in the dishwasher as Yoongiās amusement dies down, and his next comment flows out before he can think much of it, āYou like to keep me in here.āĀ
āIt does seem to be where we end up, huh?āĀ
āIt does.ā Which is fine by him. Heāll never forget all the times youāve been in here. Your laughter and your storms, he will remember them all.Ā
āThe world said let them cook.āĀ
Your giggles will be the fucking end of him one day. Fuck, he canāt wait to see you. He may even find a way to see you before the game.Ā
But for now, Yoongi will figure out how to talk to you, every day, no matter what. Texts, calls, whatever the fuck. The effort has got to show from now on. No more of this dark headspace shit. He needs to try harder and figure it out faster. For you.Ā
āGo to sleep, doll,ā he huffs with full cheeks.Ā
After another adorable batch of sounds, you rustle on the line before sighing,Ā
āYou better sleep, too.ā
āI will.āĀ
With a blink, Yoongi notices two things. One, he just cleared his table and cleaned up without even thinking. And two, despite feeling like absolute shit the entire day and dreading the coming of night, falling asleep wonāt be an issue.Ā
Because of you. Itās always you.Ā
Maybe thereās a way out. Maybe he can finally face it all and come out on the other side. āTalk to you tomorrow, babe.ā
āIād like that. And youāre sure he doesnāt know?ā
Just like that, the demons are knocking again. Closing his eyes, Yoongi murmurs into the receiver, āIām sure.āĀ
There will come a time when he will tell you. But that will be way in the future, when he is ready. For now, youāll just have to trust that heās telling the truth. Not the whole truth, but enough for it to calm your nerves.Ā
āOkay. Good night, baby.ā
One more heartbeat to get him through the night.Ā
āNight, doll.ā
When the phone cuts, Yoongiās hand falls, his stare shifting straight to the living room.Ā
Right towards the corner that stares back.Ā
Itās been five days.
But it feels like youāve aged twenty-eight years.
Ever since your brother confronted youāafter your much needed reunion with his best friendāyouāve been floating through time. Lost. Confused. Wondering why that conversation went the way it did and gnawing at your sanity bit by bit.Ā
And even though Yoongi explicitly told you he didnāt say anything concerning your relationship, you still havenāt shaken that feeling. No matter where you are, who youāre with, or on a pretty Friday like this one, you feelā¦ Strange.Ā
When you saw your brother waiting, you for sure thought you were gonna get grilled. It was a given you were gonna break as soon as he started asking deeper and more specific questions. The fallout was gonna happen in your own house right at your door.Ā
ā¦So what in the fuck was that?
You shift your legs, the chill of the office failing to comfort you in your manufactured, building distress.Ā
Somehow, that version of the conversation proved much, much worse. Because now youāre spiraling trying to figure out why he just took your lie as the truth. Truthfully, you feel nauseous. And as much as you need to get some semblance of closure, you still feel hesitant. Because if heās just biding time? Heās not just thinking about what to do with you.Ā
Heās thinking about what to do with Yoongi, too.Ā
This is so hard.Ā
The only thingāthe only thingākeeping you grounded. Is Yoongi himself.Ā
Ever since the call you never thought heād answer, youāve been contacted every night. What was once days of radio silence quickly shifted to him reaching out however he could, hours of the day be damned. Just last night, in fact, Yoongi sent you texts at four in the morning, and you beam just thinking about what he said so casually.Ā Ā
Yoongi [3:57am]: That keyboard I told you about is fucking dope. Just got it today and it wonāt let me sleep lmaooo
Yoongi [3:58am]: I was gonna say sorry for texting but fuck it youāre getting all the updates :)Ā
No matter what it is, be it a text, call, or video chat, Yoongi seems fully committed and in the moment. Present. And itās beenā¦ Really nice. If you didnāt have your brotherās shadow hovering over your brain, life would be practically perfect.Ā
Forcing yourself to actually work, you manage to get some small things done. Even the meeting you attend goes smoothly and you leave any outside worries on the other side of those glass walls.
So when you get back to your desk, an awaiting paper bag makes you pause. And your whole body prepares to weep.
Only one person has ever sent you food while youāre at work. And staring inside the parcel, you wouldāve been able to tell who it was from even if said person had never sent any before.
Thereās a small note on top of a to-go containerāone that you immediately recognize as that super good restaurant next to Jungkookās studio.Ā
What the hell? How did Yoongi know you wanted some this whole week but didnāt wanna risk being so close? With careful fingers, you pluck the tiny paper from the bag, opening it with care before your eyes get so teary eyed you canāt even read.
Tonight.Ā Ā
This man.
I got the next one.
This wonderful, charming man.Ā
But youāre getting what I need so hereās the list:
Goddamn it, Min Yoongi.Ā
Seeing an actual list of food squeezes a laugh through your throat in a squeak, tears rushing out of your ducts before theyāre hastily swiped.Ā
After five days. Yoongi really just sent you on a grocery run to surprise you with another meetup.
The gesture is so him that you cannot help but shake your head, ruefully huffing to no one and pocketing the note in your bag. And all your worries scatter even further.Ā
A dinner before the big game is risky, for sure, but at this point you couldnāt care less. Your brother has his own work outing tonight, anyway, and you are dead set on breaking all of this to him soon.
Even though you are very much unprepared. And he is going to lose his fucking mind if he doesnāt know already. Fuck.
Youāve had all five days to think it over. All the possible combinations and possibilities and outcomes. Some of them are extreme, some of them are hopeful. But for a majority of these projections, you have a feeling that none of you are gonna leave it without wounds.Ā
And you donāt know how youāre gonna save both of them if theirs are cut too deep.Ā
Regardless, thatās in the future. Not now. Right now, you are staying in the present and working like molasses until you can jet out the door, nary a care nor concern weighing on your heels.
Tonight. Heās gonna cook for you?
Youāll have the first substantial meal youāve had in months.
Even though you want nothing more than to see Yoongi, your nerves are still buzzing and bumping into each other nonstop. Thereās a lot you still need to know. Like why he was radio silent for months, and why your brother has been a little weird this whole week.Ā
Save it for later. Hopefully Yoongi will tell you why eventually. Or that gap will stay elusive to your brain forever.
Sliding into your car, you dump your bag in the passenger seat before pulling out the list, clutching it close and taking a leap that could either calm your nerves or spike them.Ā
Yoongi: Outgoing CallĀ
When he picks up, you legitimately donāt answer. Because even after all this time, you still canāt quite function when you hear that deep voice addressing you directly.Ā
āHey.āĀ
All you have to do is say something. Anything. You could rattle off the damn list, stumbling over all the syllables just like theyāre currently smushed together in your fingers.Ā
But you donāt snap out of this trance until he speaks again.Ā
āHello?āĀ
āHi,ā you squeak out, clearing your throat while watching other people walk to their cars. āHi, sorry. I just umm.āĀ
You just what? Somehow lost all sense of language just from him saying hi? Get it together. Stop that racket in your stomach and say what you were gonna say. āThank you for the food. Iām off work now so Iām heading to the store.āĀ
He simply huffs a quiet laugh.
āGet whatever you want, too. Just let me know how much it is.āĀ
Huh. Did Yoongi just say all those words in that order? If you heard him right, forget the damn food. Youāre close to speeding directly to his place and breaking down the motherfucking door. āOh, I definitely will,ā you respond with instead of hauling ass, the words pushing through your lingering smile. āAnd donāt worry about that, I got it.āĀ
āYou sure?āĀ
āYeah! I got big girl money now.āĀ
Yoongi laughs again on the line, fuller and closer this time. Are you on speaker?Ā
āItās like that? Maybe I should work there, too.āĀ
āOh, youād hate it,ā you giggle, scheming hard in your head for tonight already. Pretty bubbles in your ribs lift all your spirits. āIām actually pretty bossy here.ā
The groan that seeps through your car should be illegal.Ā
āThat is literally what Iāve been wanting to see.āĀ
Itās your turn to chuckle as you finally make your way out of the parking lot, heading right to the market that you know for a fact has all of what heās asking for. āIām only that way at work, though.āĀ
āDo better.āĀ
Your immediate response makes his laugh crunchy in the speakers, and you go along with him because life is good. Life is fucking great right now. āNever mind, youāre paying. And Iām getting stuff for dessert now, too.āĀ
āWhat? Who said anything about dessert?āĀ
āMe,ā you huff out in pride. Since he wants to see that demanding side come out so bad. With a fleeting thought, you think about what it could be like if you end up confident enough toāĀ
āIām starting to regret this.ā
āRegret what?ā
āEverything.ā
Liar! Your cheeks hurt as you look both ways before making a turn. āCanāt fool me. Youāre excited.ā
āI am.ā
The way there was no hesitation sends shivers up your spine. But itās partly because you thought youād be faced with another joke or dig. Not a sudden one-eighty. Stopping at a light, you clear your throat before shyness puffs right out of it. āWell, good,ā you state while checking your mirrors. āCus I am, too.āĀ
āThatās a given, though.ā
āExcuse you.ā
Yoongi laughs before you hear the sound of cabinets, and you wonder which ones he could be touching.Ā
āMm, babe. One more thing.āĀ
Can he stop making your heart beat two times at once? āHmm?ā
Thereās a little bit of pause, followed by the clank of a pan on metal. When you hear another hum, you wonder what he could possiblyā
āI think weāre out of condoms.āĀ
Who is out of what. If you werenāt still at a red, your foot wouldāve slammed on the gas because what the fuck! All you can manage out are sounds without substance, random syllables, gibberish. Nothing is computing in your head.Ā
āWait. Or are we?ā
Okay, Yoongi needs to stop with that two-letter word before your behavior turns downright criminal. With as much seriousness as you can manage, you accuse, āAre you just fucking with me?ā
And his response launches you forward just as the light turns green,Ā
āYeah. Thatās why weāre out ofāā
āAlright!ā you cut in, stopping stopping stopping him because for whatever reason, this conversation is too much. Despite seeing this very man naked in many, many ways, just having this talk with him is making you shier than ever before. āGuess Iāll, umm. Get those, too.ā
āNah, you donāt have to.ā
āOh. Found some?ā
āNo.ā
Wait. If he didnāt find some why is he telling you that you donāt have toā āOh,ā you peep in realization. A very sudden, jaw dropping realization. āGoddamn it, youāre too distracting now, bye.ā
And he finally breaks with laughter thatās contagious as hell. Which isnāt fair when youāre pretending to be upset with him. Even when you canāt see Yoongi, you can imagine the way his cheeks rise and his eyes crease. The way the whole room illuminates when heās packed with happiness.Ā
And you want that to be the case forever.Ā
āYouāre just lucky Iām not there with you.āĀ
āYeah, youād be annoying as hell.āĀ
āDamn!āĀ
As the market comes into view, your teeth shine as you grin, roasting this man quickly becoming one of your favorite pastimes.Ā
āTo be fair,ā you start to amend, fingers drumming on the wheel as you decide whether or not to say what you want. After deciding that thereās no wrong answer here, you softly admit, āI really do wanna get groceries with you.āĀ
Thereās no words that come out in response. Only the slight movements of shuffling and water running and what could be more cabinets closing. But you donāt really know for sureā
āItās gonna happen, doll.āĀ
You clutch the wheel.
āCus I want that, too.ā
One of these days youāre gonna see this damn cat again.Ā
Foot connecting with Yoongiās door, you grunt as multiple bags burden your limbs, pride digging divots along your armsāsecond trips be damned.Ā
It doesnāt take long for him to let you in anyway, and you swoon at the way he doesnāt even ask while taking some of your baggage. But the kiss on your cheek makes your heart bang into everything between the front door and the kitchen. Itās so distracting that you barely smell the spices greeting you, too.Ā
āThanks for getting all this,ā Yoongi says as you both cross onto tile.Ā Ā
āOf course.ā Lifting the much lighter load that you have, you revel in the small thumps and thuds on his counter. Not really knowing why. āLetās put this up before I yell at you.ā
His laugh comes out in hisses while you both start reaching into bags. āFor what!āĀ
āSent me everywhere to find some of this shit.āĀ
āYou couldāve asked somebody.āĀ
Feeling a bit silly and high off his presence already, you repeat his words in a goofy mocking tone, and the way he blows out air sends your belly fluttering.Ā
And just like that, things are back to normal again. No worries about your sibling, or work, or anything else looming by the door. Inside is what matters, and the whole apartment fills with jabs and jokes as groceries find their homes.
But Yoongi finds a bag you had separated from the rest, and you snap your mouth shut when he looks inside, something rising in your core when he turns to you with an eyebrow raised. And a smirk so salacious it makes you quiver.Ā
āWhat about it,ā you squeak out, crumbling when he simply takes the bag and flings it through his bedroom door. āYou said youāwe were out, soā¦āĀ
āThatās a big box, doll,ā he points out on his way to your tightly bitten lip. Mouth slicing through your sanity, he approaches you with a glint in his eyes. āGot something you wanna say?āĀ
āNope,ā you whoosh out oh god he looks way too hot in those sweats wait is that a growing bulge? āAlthough I will say it took me forever to pick out whatāā
Sparks ignite your hands when your lips are claimed, launching them into his shirt and tugging him backward because youāve been waiting way too long to kiss the shit out of him.Ā
And Yoongi responds in kind, pinning you to his fridge and so, very obvious that heās been waiting for this, too.Ā
Heaven probably wonders how to replicate this feeling. How to imitate this treasured yearning that only he can pull from the depths of your ocean. Deep, deeper, deepest. All these kisses. Your ascending affection.Ā
āAs much as I wanna throw you on my bed,ā Yoongi jokes, pulling away and giving your cheek a light tap. āIām taking you somewhere.āĀ
And youāre so thrown from the impact that your brain mini-resets. āHuh? Weāre leaving?ā
āUh huh.ā
Hold on. Wait. Is this what he meant when he said heās getting the next one? Youāre going out to eat? Together? No. No, thereās no way. Yoongi knows thatās the worst possible thing to do right now, as much as the idea is sending your belly in a frenzy. āAre you sure? What about dinner? Wonāt peopleā¦ You know.ā
āItās ready already,ā he reveals. āBy the door.āĀ
Your head snaps to where he points out, even though you canāt see through the bar. āReally?ā No wonder it smells like a cooking aftermath. All those smells twirling around your head. How did you not even catch the dishes in the sink?Ā
But hold up, you just bought a shit ton of food! āThen what the hell was the run for?ā
Yoongi blinks. Then he does it again. Expression stone still, he responds as if you were privy to his plans this entire time, āI told you to get what I needed.āĀ
Your turn to blink.
āAnd I needed food.ā
This man is going to be the death of you. Affronted, your jaw hangs before you grit through a smile that betrays you, āOh, youāāĀ
āSo thanks,ā he quips through another tilt of his lips. āLetās go, doll.āĀ
The begrudged sound that leaves you makes him kick his head back on the way out the kitchen.Ā
āEat.ā
The container on your thighs warms you through. āNow?ā
āMm.ā
āI can wait,ā you assure, watching as night paints the surrounding scenery in navy and black. āWe can eat together.āĀ
āJust a bite then.āĀ
Turning to Yoongi, you donāt see a change in his face as he eyes the road. The veins in his arm catch all the streetlight, and you gulp before your gaze falls to what he made. Music fills the car, and you decide that maybe you do feel a little hungry. So you listen to instruction, popping it open and being careful as you pluck a piece to try.Ā
Thereās no denying it. This motherfucker is a chef. āFuck, this is good.āĀ
Your borderline moan sends Yoongiās shoulders bobbing, and you will never get over those low, gravelly laughs. āSorry.ā Your hand hovers over your mouth in embarrassment. āI donāt react like that unless Iām alone.ā
āI donāt mind.ā
āYeah, well,ā you swallow. āCourse you donāt.ā
A tiny peek of teeth show as Yoongi smiles, and you donāt expect what he offers next, āJust be you, doll. Itās just me.ā
The next bite of food pauses on the way to your mouth. āOh,ā you murmur. āSame for you then.ā
āNah.ā
āWhy not?ā
āCus we wouldnāt make it to where weāre going.ā
That was legitimately the worst time to put food in your mouth. Sputtering, your words come out low and chortled, āYou fucker.ā
His hisses are brief before he dips into silence again. As he slowly turns the wheel, you can see a glimpse of something deep in his eyes. āIām sorry,ā he suddenly apologizes, swallowing as you keep your gaze.Ā
What is that look? Werenāt you both just having a good time? āFor what, baby?āĀ
āEverything.āĀ
Your lungs flinch. This is definitely not what you expected to hear on the way to wherever the hell youāre going. āOh.āĀ
Yoongi still doesnāt look your way, and with each pass of a light over his face, you catch quick snapshots of those eyes youāre still so shy of. āI, umm. I didnāt expect shit to pan out this way.āĀ
āItās okay,ā you whisper.Ā
After a slow motion of disagreement, his head falls forward just a bit. And your eyes find his hand clutching the gear shift in what you sadly think is frustration. āIāve just thought about some things,ā he starts, another song playing. āHow worried you mustāve been.āĀ
You look forward. Because this is the part where you canāt face him. āI was. But not for the same reason as last time.ā Without a hesitation of your own, your palm reaches between your seats. And you can tell Yoongi watches as you take his hand to hold.Ā
āI was worried about you,ā you correct with softness. āIt was hard because I didnāt know what to do.ā Donāt fucking cry. You filled quite a few buckets already. āWhen you started not really saying much, I justā¦ Hoped it was for a good reason, so. Yeah.āĀ
You feel your hand gently pulled, which is already enough to make you melt. But when itās kissed, you donāt know what the hell to fucking do.Ā
āIām sorry, doll,ā Yoongi whispers into your skin, lips brushing with every syllable and painting a canvas of his reconcile. āI wonāt leave you hanging like that again.āĀ
Thereās a tiny fire in the back of your throat, the embers reaching your eyes just a little too aggressively. You attempt to squash the growing flames before they flare. āOh. Umm. Thank you.ā What else do you say? Yoongiās being wonderful, but why do you feelā¦ sad? Why is there lingering snow on your windowsill? āWere you worried?āĀ
āMe? Umm.ā He stops at a light that he clearly didnāt want to stop at. Resting your conjoined hands on his pliant thigh, his jaw works as he observes them.
And you wonder if he thinks they slot together perfectly, too.Ā
āā¦Yeah.āĀ
Fuck. āAbout what?āĀ
āThat youād hate me.āĀ
Your heart meshes his fingers with yours. āYoongi.āĀ
āOr that you shouldnāt be with someone thatās gone this much.āĀ
Fuck, heās doing it again. Regressing. Youāve seen it happen in his kitchen and youāll be damned if all that work, all that peeling, all that resolution amounted to nothing wait, wait, stop. This isnāt gonna be an overnight fix. And you have no clue whatās been happening, so just keep trying, trying, trying.Ā
āIām used to people leaving,ā you joke, but not really. āLike seasons.āĀ
He whips his head to you, and you backpedal because that probably sounded so random. Youāve got to think about filtering your thoughts a little more now that youāre getting comfortable. Yoongi says you can be yourself, sure, but you have to admit your quirks are a little out there. āI know itās weird, but..āĀ
Heās quiet as the light turns green. And when you donāt finish, he admits, āI think the same.āĀ
āYou do?āĀ
Your hand is brushed as a hum peppers it from above. āMmhmm.āĀ
āWell.ā Thatās interesting. You didnāt know anyone thought about that stuff like you did. Now you wonder if thereās anywhere else your wavelengths sync, and if theyāve been syncing up all this time. āAt least you come back.āĀ
Yoongi squeezes your hand tight before he holds it against his lips. Again. Fuck, this is a lot. Youāre so wrapped up in his gesture that you donāt catch what he whispers.Ā
āHmm?āĀ
He glances at the center console before putting your hand back on his thigh.Ā
āAlways, doll.āĀ
And the fire you stepped on rages back with a vengeance. Heat and sting surrounds your eyes, and you donāt hide how you press your feelings into his skin. āMe, too.āĀ
If you werenāt lost in the surrounding scenery outside, you would have caught Yoongiās look. But all you feel is his hand clutching you tight, and it breaks you down all the same.Ā
The rest of the drive is spent with him telling you to eat more, and a bunch of your sing-alongs to almost every song that comes on. It seems like the tiny bit of closure opened you both up, and you donāt even realize that youāve been on the road for a really long time.Ā
But finally, Yoongi pulls up to a building, and youāre haphazardly rapping along to a song before you notice. Wait. What? He drove you to a rec center?Ā
Your fingers curl around his forearm before you even notice. āWhatās this?āĀ
āWhere weāre going.ā
Hold on, youāre going inside? āAre we even allowed to be here?ā
When Yoongi responds, his teeth make you shiver as he smirks. āCanāt say for sure, no.ā
āThen whyāā
He unlocks before you can finish, and youāre left in an empty car until he rounds the hood, coming over to your side and opening the door. You almost donāt hear what he says next, too focused on the jewelry swinging from his neck as he bends forward.Ā
But you catch it, and glance once more at the sight in front of you before biting your lipāin nervousness or excitement, you canāt decide.
āYou cominā?ā
Damn. Obviously, you want nothing more than to see him here. And itās much too late for anyone to be around. But if something happensā¦ Whatever.Ā
Your mouth finally unsticks. āIf we get caught, youāre gonna pay for this.ā
And you canāt resist his stupid grin. āNow get your pretty ass out before I put you in the back.āĀ
āYoongi!ā
Grinning, he leads you out, and you follow him to the trunk. After bouncing his stowed ball a couple times, he decides to lean in and reach for something else.Ā
Wait. Is that what you think it is? āDid you always have that in there?ā you ask, pointing to the contraption that Yoongiās using to air up his basketball.
And he does a horrible job at suppressing a smile. Which makes you burst into flutters and beats beats beats. āYou liar!ā Oh, you are gonna wipe those laughs from his throat. āI had to change up my plans because of you!ā
Palming the ball, Yoongi tilts his head dangerously to one side. āAnd I got to see you,ā he proudly claims. āSo Iāll take it.ā
You hate how the memories come packaged with whatās haunted you. What else happened during that time, and what happened after you left. But thereās no way youāre gonna bring that up. Not when the night has transformed into something so magical.Ā
So you just clutch your food and lean on his car, opting to compliment him to wipe the murk away. āGot to see you, too,ā you puff into the brisk night. Because you harbor a bit of nostalgia in your bones. And because he still makes you shy. āYou and your stupid hair.ā
Another bout of hisses wisp into your side. As you turn to regard Yoongi again, he slips his chains into his hoodie before continuing, and you swoon at the veins popping out of his skin with each pump.Ā
How can he look so perfect doing the simplest things? So unfair.Ā
After seconds that feel like an hour, Yoongiās done. And he scans the parking lot before telling you to follow him.Ā
What you expect is some outdoor courts. Maybe getting past a gate or two. So when you approach a back door lit by the shine of a single light, you freeze. āAre we really going in?ā
Fishing something out of his pocket, Yoongi simply turns over his shoulder. āYeah. Why not?ā
āOh.ā You didnāt think youād actually get inside the building. If there was an outside court just as accessible it wouldāve made sense. Can you even bring food in here? Is that question even relevant? āNo reason.ā
āSo I shouldnāt bust in?ā
Huh. āWhat?ā
āIāve already done it a few times, so.ā
āWait!ā Nerves throw your hand on his bicep before you can stop. āWhat if someone sees us?ā
Heās so warm. And so toned. And if he plans on taking his hoodie off? Youāre not prepared for whatever the hell he has underneath.Ā
Voice softened, Yoongi tries to placate your paranoia, āThey wonāt, doll.ā
āAre you sure? If we get caught here theyāre gonna call the police and I am definitely notā¦ Gonnaā¦ā
The object in his hand jangles, and you clearly see he was just joking the whole time because keysākeysāstare you in the face.Ā
What is it with him and keys?Ā
When Yoongi speaks, you feel like youāve never done anything bad in your life, and suddenly the thought of trespassing with an official way in is so scandalous,Ā
āYou picked the wrong night to be a good girl.ā
You have to admit. Seeing him so mischievous and dashing makes you wanna follow him wherever the hell he goes. Even if it gets you in trouble. Even if you were breaking in tonight, you would be all in. And that thought should frighten you, but it only does because of the wings tickling your rib cage.Ā
How can he make you feel rebellious and yet still so shy? The power of Min Yoongi. Heās way too good at destroying you.
When you glare, the man only grins, hisses of laughter leaving him way too happily before he unlocks the door to no alarms or sirens. He doesnāt need to throw a wink your way, too, but of course he does as he lets you in. Which causes you to float through the dark entryway instead of walk oh he did not just slap your ass!
A jolt in your cunt causes you to regard him in shock. To which he hums in a feigned question. āHmm?ā
With nothing but darkness and his cologne surrounding you, itās only natural that giddiness takes hold. Truthfully, youāre packed with so much adrenaline that you feel a little wild yourself. āYouāve been waiting to do that, huh.āĀ
āSo fucking long.ā
You are not surviving the night. And you donāt give a single shit.
But as shy and out of control as you feel around this man, you also feel safeāeven in a faraway, dark building that youāve never been in before. Thatās gotta say something about him, right?Ā
Yoongi feels along the wall beside you for lights, purposefully bumping your chest with his front even though heās securing a ball with an arm. When you question his joking decision with noises, a chaste kiss on your lips shuts you right up.
āYouāre in the way,ā he jokes through what you think is a smile, and youāre about to move when he flicks on a switch very far away from your shoulder.
Liar! Your jaw drop must be comical because Yoongiās grin stretches astronomically wide. But you cannot find a retort because seeing him so chill while youāre stiff from paranoia has you at a loss.
Is this how he used to be all the time? This carefree, all caution to the wind? Heās so fucking handsome like this. No wonder heās pulled so many hearts just like yours.Ā
When you still donāt find any words to say, Yoongi makes it harder, stepping so close that you have to swing the plastic container away. Taking one of your hands in his free one, he gives it a warm squeeze while murmuring,
āYouāre so cute.ā
āHow,ā you ask just as softly.
And Yoongi responds with lights in his eyes. āJust are.ā
Your lips mesh with his as he keeps your fingers secured, and suddenly every cautious thing in your body gets launched into the skies, too.
But it ends as soon as it begins. And Yoongi backs away from you with a smile,Ā
āEat.ā
āHuh?ā
āEat, doll,ā he orders before turning and dribbling onto the court.
When you call out that he hasnāt eaten yet, Yoongi tells you that he already did. When you look around to figure out where to even sit, you decide on the closest set of bleachers and make yourself as comfortable as you can.
Which is impossible. Because theyāre bleachers. Which is now triple impossible. Because Yoongi just shucked off his hoodie and the only thing he had under it was his chains goddamn it.
If you werenāt already sitting down you wouldāve fallen right into the next dimension. How the fuck are you supposed to eat in these conditions shit heās walking over!Ā
Your throat seizes as Yoongi approaches, face trained as if he isnāt aware of his overwhelming presence. All he does is bend to place his sweater next to your legs. But the quick smooch on your lips makes you swoon harder than you ever have.
And the way his silver taps your chest makes you mentally hold on for dear life. Wait. What the fuck, Yoongiās taking them off right now? Right in front of you? Just as you're supposed to eat oh okay heās handing them to you great wonderful fantastic.
The metal links feel so warm yet slightly cold to the touch. Weighty, yet light. But you clutch them in your hand as you connect a gaze to his.
āRelax,ā he orders, lightly slapping the side of your thigh. āNo need to worry.āĀ
And with bangs swishing, he goes right back to the ball waiting for him. Leaving you starry-eyed to hell with silver in your palm.
ā¦Did all of that just happen? Is any of this even real? Quite frankly, you fucking forgot what you were even worried about.Ā
No matter what he doesāsimple lay-ups standing in place, dribbling to different spots to shoot, or even lazily jogging after the ballāyouāre so enthralled with his actions that you forget that youāre not supposed to be here.Ā
And it takes your last bite of food for something to finally hit you. How does Yoongi have keys to this place? Where the hell did he score those because you donāt think he ever mentioned anything about working here. Or anywhere else other than the studio.Ā
Yet another mystery to add to this walking, bare-chested enigma.Ā
But thereās another question forming behind your eyes the longer you watch him practice, the more you notice how heās actually going hard. Yoongiās really good right now. A lot better than what youāve seen of him before.Ā
Has he been coming here more often than heās let on? And why does he look soā¦ serious? Youād be surprised if he even remembered youāre here.Ā
Setting your empty container down, you gather the chains in your hands again, deciding to slip them over your head for safer keeping. After, you grab a water before stepping down the bleachers, hanging a little ways away until Yoongi notices youāre courtside.
And when he sees you, he stops practicing immediately, jogging to you so sweaty and shining and gross and handsome andā āWait, youāre all sweaāā
Youāre pulled into a kiss the same time you hear a basketball drop, salt on your tongue and damp palms on your cheeks. And you melt right into the shiny wood floor, drifting, drifting, sailing into dreamland even though youāre technically already there.Ā
āSweaty,ā you whisper into his hot breaths of exertion, a twinge between your legs when he kisses you even deeperābreathing, inhaling, taking you in. āGross.ā
āThanks.āĀ
You flash a smile against Yoongiās lips, giggling because this is all better than anything your brain couldāve conjured on its own. When you ask why heās going so hard, all you get is a question in return,
āYouāre perfect, you know that?āĀ
Huh? Blinking, you suddenly donāt remember your own train of thought. āWhat did I do?āĀ
āNothing.ā He presses a wet mouth to your nose. āDid you eat?ā
Laughing, you reassure him, āI did, I did.āĀ
āGood. You bored?āĀ Ā
āHuh?ā
Yoongi leans to softly take your lips this time, and you want to say heās approaching the legal limit for kisses tonight. āThought you came over cus you wanna leave.ā
āAnd stop seeing you play? I could watch this forever.ā You squeeze the water bottle a little tighter. āJust checking on you.ā Another strike hits between your legs when Yoongi takes another, lazier glide over your mouth, and you sigh when he tugs you forward by your bottoms, fingers slick from use.Ā
You could do this for eternity, too.
āWell I got about five more minutes in me, so..ā
This man.Ā
āForever might be a stretch.āĀ
āAh, shut up. Here,ā you offer through a giggle, holding the water out for him to take.Ā
āThanks.ā When he does, he tilts his head at just the right angle to cut you through, gulping down liquid and making you do the same to your nothingness.Ā
So unfair. āYou looked like you were going pretty hard.āĀ
Lowering the bottle, Yoongi shifts his jaw before taunting something a ways off. āI kinda was.āĀ
āIt was kinda hot.āĀ
His laugh makes you smile, and his next swig makes you weep. āNah, but. This is our practice gym. I can just zone out here, so. Itās been one of those things.āĀ
Ah. Was this one of the places Yoongi ended up during those months apart? You wish he couldāve brought you along sometimes. Or at least thought about asking. Itās nice just to be around him while he does something he likes. Gaining courage, you say exactly whatās on your mind, āYou can always bring me, too. If you want.āĀ
And itās true. You donāt really have to do much when youāre with him, because just being around him is what brightens your day. Lifts your mood.Ā
But you have to admit that watching him play basketball while shirtless is the biggest fucking win in history.Ā
When did Yoongi get so close? When did his eyes retreat so far away? āI didnāt wanna bother you with this,ā he admits, a drop of sweat clinging onto his chin. āI donāt even put music on.āĀ
āYou never bother me,ā you whisper back. Hoping that he believes you and that he will start to accept that as fact. Because it is. āEven if youāre being annoying.āĀ
The bottle crinkles as he smiles, and thereās a soft kiss to your lips that has no real desire behind it. Just a nice peck that sends you careening down a hill of flowers. āYou wonāt be feeling that way tomorrow, babe.āĀ
āAnd why is that?ā
āCus of what Iām wearing.āĀ
And he says that while half-naked? Like any look on him could get any worse. āOh,ā you scoff out, fully calling his bluff. āAs if.ā
Well, fuck. You donāt enjoy the smirk plastered on his face. It has you both dreading and excited for whatever demon youāre gonna run into tomorrow. āDonāt say I didnāt warn you.ā He shrugs as he starts to hand the water back. āWe can go soon, by the way.ā
āOkay.ā
But before you can grab it, Yoongi pulls the bottle from reach. āUnless,ā he teases. āYou wanna play me.ā
āWhat.ā
His grin shines, face glistening and turning your insides to jelly. āYou told me youād win, so. Letās see it.ā
You said that? While sober? How does he remember something like that when you canāt even recall a time or place youād tell him something so bold. āWhen!ā
āRight after you woke up once. Said youāre a master?ā
Oh. That was ages ago. Fuck, you already forgot how did Yoongi remember?Ā
āOh. Well.ā Your nose turns up in feigned haughtiness. āWouldnāt wanna throw you off your game before a championship.āĀ
āUh huh.ā
āIād make you cry what the fuck!āĀ
Water spills down your head in rivulets as you freeze, stunned and watching Yoongi jogging his laughs back to the bleachers like a punk. āThink you got something on your face, doll.ā
āYoongi!ā What the hell possessed him to do that to you here? Racing after him with purpose, you slam into him just as he reaches for another bottle, shoving a laugh out of his throat and making him catch himself on hardwood. āNu uh, gimme that!ā
āItās mine, I just ran outāā
āBitch!ā You lunge for another bottle lying further away, distancing yourself to quickly rip the cap off and to avoid feeling his slick back on your hands.Ā
And itās a lawless gym as both of you start spraying water, arcs and splashes of bottled liquid spewing over the court and soaking into your clothes and his bare skin. Which proves to get worse and worse for your wellbeing the more he gets soaked in your attacks.Ā
Running ends up being the only option to avoid getting completely drenched, and you hightail it behind bleachers before your waist is grabbed. āFuck!āĀ
āUh huh.āĀ
You try to wrestle out of his hold, his wet forearm digging lovely into your stomach, and youāre temporarily let go just so Yoongi can spin you around.Ā
Your back connects with solid wall, the impact shooting a grunt out of your throat before you laugh out of pure disbelief. āI canāt believe, you got me to do that,ā you rush out, sentence punctuated by your breaths more than anything else.Ā
Here you are. Under bleachers. With Yoongiās skin caging you with radiating heat.Ā Ā
You can only stare as he drinks you in, no doubt looking at his silver around your neck and your chest heaving from exertion. Butterflies float across your stomach when his smile drips, and you fold as soon as he swoops in.Ā
Everything in your being pulses hard. Itās so visceral that you teeter on the edge of sanity and logic, and the thoughts slipping through your mind are just as wild as you feel. Before youāre even aware of it, a mischievous finger slides along the hem of his shorts, and you jump at the downright boulders rolling down your front,Ā
āCareful, doll.ā
āHmm?ā You feel bad. And it feels fantastic. āWhat was that?āĀ
More gravel slides down his tongue, and you shake at his attractive as fuck threat, āFuck around and find out then.āĀ
Your giggles add feather lightness into his murky laughs, but youāre so preoccupied that you donāt notice his hand between your legs until he slaps the inside of your thigh. āYooā!ā
āUnless.ā He leans forward. āMy babyās too scared.āĀ
Holy fuck, you might be. Is he really willing to do something with you? In a public place very similar to where youāre gonna watch him play tomorrow? You donāt know why the fuck thatās attractive as hell, but it is.Ā
Yoongi grips your chin, eyes falling to your lips and brows knitted before claiming your lips even harder. And despite your bones vibrating to hell, you put your all into the kiss, relishing in the growing hardness you feel against your front. An animal starts to wake inside your core, and you almost feel like stroking it. Feeding it. Raising it only for it to consume you in return.Ā
āFuck it, weāre leaving.āĀ
āHuh?ā Dazed, you let your vision refocus as Yoongi chuckles at your hazy state.Ā
āFuck this. Iām taking you home.āĀ
For some reason, the game makes you nervous today. Even while Taehyung strides into the gymnasium with you, thereās a lingering feeling swelling in your stomach, and you donāt have any reason for it yet.Ā
At least this is another rec center entirely. Because thereās no way you wouldāve sat still knowing you had a clandestine meeting in the same place not even twenty-four hours before.Ā
But the activity already bustling around hardwood catches your attention. Not on both sides, since only one team is here, but they are active on the other end doing drills.Ā
Wow. They look really intimidating, matching jerseys that were clearly done professionally and warm-ups having a set routine. You wonder if this is gonna be a tough game forā¦ Wait. Thatās your brother under the basket. Thatās them?Ā
Fucking hell, Yoongi was right.
Because youāll already never get over how attractive he looks in athletic clothes.
But team jerseys?Ā
Seeing this man rock a basketball uniform with his toned arms and legs so visible makes you want to claw your way out of your invisible cage.Ā
When the hell did they even get those? And why is he already slightly drenched during the warm-up alone?Ā
As soon as you see him make a lay-up, you know for a fact that you shouldnāt be here.Ā
Yes, youāre gonna stay and yes, youāre gonna cheer for them all game. But you are absolutely gonna feel like jumping him, which will in turn make you wanna bolt and run all the way out of town every agonizing second.Ā
Shit, shit, shit. Youāre gonna have to try your damned hardest to unstick your eyes from that man the whole time. Already, you can hear Taehyungās teasing, and your groan is to lament your future state.
Your name suddenly rings across the gym, and four feet pause in your ascent up the bleachers. When you catch both him and Jimin waving you down from their courtside chairs, you tilt your head in intrigue.Ā
They want you to come over there? What the hell is this about?Ā
Sighing, you turn. āGuess Iāll go see what they want.āĀ
āHere,ā Tae offers his hand. āIāll save you a seat.āĀ
Your bag is transferred to his grip while you nod, and you step down onto the court, wondering if youāre even allowed to walk onto it to see them. And Jiminās grin can be seen from miles away. āCome here!āĀ
You gingerly step onto shiny wooden floors, making your way over and becoming hyper aware that someone else notices your presence. But youāre so puzzled as to why thereās no one on the other side of the court yet because isnāt the game about to start?Ā
Whereās the other team? As you approach their row of chairs, your hands immediately find your hips. āWhatās up?āĀ
Jiminās eyes stay creased as your brother explains the reason he waved you down. A very stupid, very innocuous reason. āCan you keep score?āĀ
āMe?āĀ
āYeah.āĀ
āWhy me?āĀ
Your brother uses his jersey to wipe sweat from his brow, and you wince at the brand new material getting gross already. āThe girl that usually does it for us is sick.āĀ
āAnd you know the game,ā Jimin quickly tacks on, rubbing at some tattoos on full display. Wait, are there more than you remember? When did he get more ink?
Your sibling asks another question you had in mind, āYou arenāt gonna cover those?ā
āNah. Not today,ā the man elongates in a stretch. āJust got another one. This one!āĀ
Ah, you were right. āI like it.āĀ
Jimin couldnāt look more proud. But enough of that because you really just wanna go back and observe the game from another place entirely. āCanāt yāall find someone else to keep score?āĀ
āWe donāt think anyone else can,ā your brother explains, looking over your shoulder. āAt least, not the people coming to watch us.āĀ
Cool. You get to be met with heat and sweat from all these guys without compensation. How is this something you would say yes to? āWell. I donāt really feel like being a scorekeeper for free.āĀ
When your sibling laughs with Jimin, they share a look before he says so matter-of-factly, āTold you.āĀ
Youāre sticking with that. If youāre gonna sit next to a bunch of smelly people, theyāre gonna payā¦ youā¦ somehow.
A ways down the row, you catch Yoongi dumping himself onto a random chair, head tilted back before he hangs it forward to wipe sweat from his forehead.Ā
And suddenly this temporary gig doesnāt seem terrible in the slightest.Ā
Because one, you can sit on a team bench that will have his fine ass right there. And two, this will give you a way to objectively focus on the game. You wonāt have time to be distracted by a demon and his hair thatās gotten criminally long.Ā
āIāll get us all dinner,ā your sibling slices through your thoughts. āAfter we win.āĀ Ā
āFine,ā you sigh, taking the end seat and shooting one more glance to the other side of the court. āThen I get to pāā
The air around you squeezes inward. And all sounds plunge underwater.Ā
Because you recognize someone you knew from a dark club walking onto the court, his team looking just as sharp and cocky as his eyes.Ā
Shit. Shit, shit, shit.Ā
You donāt notice the way Jiminās hands flex, nor the way a familiar presence walks up to join your brother.Ā
All you can do is stare back.Ā
And without even realizing.Ā
Youāre already rubbing your arm.
-
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tbc. :((
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a ha ha... so how do we feel? | taglist | discord!
a/n: okay, hello, loves. apologies this part took so damn long to post! can you imagine if i tried to post everything at once LMAOO yikes talk about too much at once. but i hope this part was enough to still be good on its own, and broken, pt. 2 will be... well. you can probably guess that's where a majority of my brainpower is going to go.
a/n 2: thank you all for being here! it's been an amazing two years working on this series and i cannot tell you how grateful and appreciative i am to have such wonderful people alongside me. i hope this series continues to be there for you when you need it, bc it has become that for me, too.
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ā„Ā for the ones that are too shy to reblog with a review, comment on this, or send a message,Ā i went ahead and made another anonymous form where you can send in what you think!
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In Heat! 4/7
They're in heat, and you smell so hot...
Warning: 18+ smut, noncon, hybrid!bts, snake-hybrid!jimin x human!reader, dark yandere, Jimin is a stalker, and kinda a psycho, corruption, somnophilia, biting, paralysis, technically its not tentacles but I meannnn š lemme just warn you in advance YOU CAN'T SAY I DIDN'T WARN YOU, Jimin has two penises because snake???
Slithering, he moves closer.
The snake watches as you sleep, inching towards your bed. He lifts his head up, tilting it curiously towards your outstretched arm, right by your hand lying over the edge of your bed as you sleep peacefully. The snake hybrid moves closer, slithering back and forth, left and right until he's wrapped himself around your slender fingers, closer, closer, around your wrist, forked tongue licking the faint outline of the vein in your arm, he's so tempted to pierce his fangs into you.
He slithers under your blanket, into your sheets, moving across your body as you shift in your slumber.
His cold snake form enjoys the warmth of your bed, of your heat. He moves across your thighs, curiously exploring his surroundings, over and under, until he settles himself right under your night shirt, in between your breasts, resting his head on your clavicle.
As you breathe in, he moves slowly across your chest, until he's comfortably wrapped around you and satisfied.
The snake hybrid has done this every night since he first met you, getting comfortable with your body, learning what you like most.
It is your luck, or perhaps your unluck that he's patient and enjoys the slow exploration into your world.
---
"Hey Jimin."
"Hey, y/n."
Your neighbor smiles wide, holding the door to your apartment building open. "Let me help."
"Oh! Thank you!" you stumble into him as he lifts the heavy weight in your hands, taking your grocery bags.
You stutter out your apologies as your body knocks into his frame clumsily. Jimin laughs heartily, only making you fluster even more.
Ever since you've moved into this area, your new neighbor has been so helpful and kind to you. Yet however many times it's been now, his attention continues to make your legs buckle.
What is it about your next door neighbor Jimin that makes you a stuttering mess? Is it his charming smile? His silky voice? His beautiful features? The way he steadies you with the softest touch while he manages to hold your bags easily?
He's just so...perfect.
"You okay?" He looks towards you, a smile curling up at the way you stare at him entranced.
"Huh? What? Yes, right, I'm f-fine," you stutter, jumping into action and rushing towards the elevator.
You stand in awkward silence as the elevator doors close. "Let me help," you felt bad having Jimin carry all your groceries. You try to grab at least a couple bags to lessen his load, but Jimin moves gracefully to the side and out of your reach, tsking.
"It'ss okay, I'm stronger than I look," he teases.
"You look strong. I think you look strong! I mean, you are strong, thatās obvious..." you laugh nervously.
āObviousss?ā His smile widens. āYou have to pussh the floor number.ā
āRight!ā You press it a couple times out of your nervousness.
What is wrong with you? Why do you always have to embarrass yourself in front of Jimin? Why must you always act so stupid in front of your crushes?
Ever since you were a kid it's been like this, you would have hoped with age you would have gained some wisdom on the matter, and you had gotten better at overcoming your awkwardness, but there's something about your neighbor that makes you so jittery, makes your heart race and palms sweat and your body react in the most mortifying ways...
You wipe your forehead, looking away as the elevator rises higher and higher. It's hot in here, isn't it? It's stuffy. You're sweating like you're under the sun when you're only under Jimin's gaze. You fear you might even pass out if he keeps looking at you like that.
Ding.
You rush forward, pulling out your keys and racing to your apartment door. "Thank y-you-" Jimin walks in, right into the kitchen and sets the bags on the counter. "You don't have to do that!" But Jimin is already opening your fridge and putting away your groceries for you.
"Sssoooo...what are you making for dinner?" he asks.
"Oh! I was thinking pasta?" You grab one of the tomato cans before he puts it away, smiling shyly. Jimin shuffles closer to you, reaching behind you to open the cabinet and putting your coffee away on the highest shelf.
You try to move away to give him space, but you're trapped against his body, trying unsuccessfully to steady your heartrate the closer he moves.
"I looove passta!" he chirps in his soft melodious voice so suited to him, enthralling like everything else about him. He is seemingly unaware of the affect of his body pressing up against yours as he moves the pantry food around to better organize your cans.
"I'll make extra and bring you some! If you wanted me to, I mean."
You wait, unable to decide if this sweet torture is worth it. Sure, you have Jimin so close you can smell him, the muscles of his body rubbing against you with each movement, but the ache of his presence was almost too much to bear.
For the second time today you fear you might pass out as you pretend not to be wholly besotted by your naive neighbor.
Once he's done, instead of moving away, Jimin rests his hands on the counter behind you, caging you in and escalating your heartrate even more.
"Okay, but this time, you have to eat with me, promise?"
"Eat with you?" you repeat, "Eat dinner together?"
"Yess! Y/n! C'mon, you never eat with me," he whines, moving forward so close you have to lean backward, too shy to get any closer, your head knocking into the cabinet door in the process.
The idea of getting ready to eat dinner with Jimin seems like an impossible feat. The last time you agreed you took so long trying to find the perfect dress, redoing your make up over and over again that dinner time had long passed, and you pathetically packed his food and left it on his doorstep, hiding away in shame.
"Okay, yeah...yes!"
"Promise me."
"I promise!"
He smiles wide and wraps his arms around you, hugging you tightly. "You're the beessst, y/n!"
Dinner with Jimin was perfect, just like him. He came over instead, probably worried you were going to stand him up again, and surprised you with flowers from his favorite garden. It felt like a date, was this a date? It didn't feel real, it felt like a dream.
A dream that turned into a nightmare.
---
"Y/n? What happened?!" Jimin opened the door, pulling you into his apartment.
You tried to stop crying, but you were a blubbering mess. Yet somehow you were able to explain to him what had happened to you.
There was a snake in your house! The largest snake you've ever seen. You couldn't stop shaking. Snakes terrified you, and to wake up and have one...in your bed...
You were frozen in fright, unable to do anything while it moved and constricted around your body. You don't know how long it had been, the minutes stretched to hours, and you couldn't do anything but lie there while it slithered on top of you! Under your clothes! It tightened around your stomach every time you tried to escape, making you terrified you were going to die if you moved too much.
Jimin held you delicately until you calmed down, then he made some tea for you. "Are you hurt?"
"The snake..." You couldn't explain everything to him, it was too shameful. You just nod, unable to speak, pushing the edge of your left short leg up slightly to show Jimin.
Jimin looked down at the rope-like bruise across your thigh, chest tightening at the sight.
He took a deep breath, calming himself down.
"Do you want to sleep here tonight? And I can check your apartment in the morning."
You nod again, covering your face before tears escape once more. Jimin wouldn't let you sleep on the couch, offering you his bed instead.
You tried to rest, but your dreams were consumed with snakes. Horrible slimey snakes. You dreamed you were in a pit full of them, slithering over you like that snake had done. You woke up crying again.
It had felt so real...
"Well, he's gone now," Jimin sighed after looking through our apartment one last time.
"What if it comes back?" you mutter, eyes tearing up, worried he didn't really believe you, you barely could believe what happened yourself. "Jimin...I'm scared."
"Do you want me to stay with you?"
Your sweet next door neighbor Jimin spent the night.
He wouldn't let you sleep on the couch, and you couldn't let him either, so you shared the bed. Even if your heart was jumping to have him so close to you, it felt comforting to have Jimin in your bedroom, you didn't want to be alone at all.
Jimin reached for you in his sleep and you were able to finally shut your eyes, letting his embrace lull you to sleep.
Jimin watched your chest rise and fall as you slept in his arms. His finger ran along your collar bone, trailing down, between your breasts, over your belly button, stopping when his fingertip hit the fabric of your shorts.
He pushed the band down, revealing a bit of your skin, humming delightfully at the sight.
'So soft,' he thinks. He felt bad for you, you were so terrified, even now he could tell you were afraid, he could smell your fear...
Even if your fear smelled sweet, he didn't want you to be afraid...
Jimin dipped his fingers under the band of your shorts, lower and lower until he could feel wetness.
Jimin held his breath, biting his lip.
He can't help but smile, to feel you so wet.
He resists pressing inside, happy to feel you shudder as he runs his digit left and right across your mound, softly, slowly.
And like always, the slow rubbing heated you from within, until you were gushing, shaking, whimpering from Jimin's touches.
---
Jimin didn't like when you were gone, but he could explore and learn more about you in your absence. He looked through your photo albums, took note of your favorite music, went through your closet and found the clothes you were too shy to wear yet bought on a whim. He went through your drawers, picked out his favorite panties and placed them on the top of your pile in hopes you would choose to wear the pair for tonight.
He took his time going through every corner of your bedroom, until he heard the door to your apartment open.
You sigh, undoing the buttons of your blouse, pulling the tight fabric off you, and pulling off your bra, heading for the bathroom. Work was stressful today, you need a nice long bath first and then you'll invite Jimin over to watch a movie.
Your smiled, thinking of him.
Jimin and you had gotten so close now, and even though you knew he was just being nice, it felt like maybe he was starting to think of you as more than just a neighbor. At least you hoped. It was what you longed for, cuddled into his embrace on nights alone together. And you were hoping tonight maybe his soft touches would become something more. Maybe, maybe, tonight Jimin will kiss you.
You texted him your plans and relaxed into the warm bath. The hot water felt so good on your tired muscles and you felt yourself drifting asleepā¦
You woke up suddenly.
The water was cold now, your neck ached. You stretched and sat up.
And then you screamed.
Over the edge of the tub, the head of a large snake peered up at you, forked tongue poking out.
You reached for your cell and knocked it over onto the floor as the snake slithered curiously closer.
Should you scream for Jimin? He was right next door, but would he hear you? Was he even home?
You jump up, backed into the farthest corner away when the snake plops itself into the water. But before you can escape it slithers quickly around your ankle and you panic, falling over and banging your head-
You groan as you stir awake. The tub was only half full of water now, and you shivered wet and cold, realizing your predicament.
The snake was wound tightly around the lower half of your body, and tighter around your wrists, your arms stuck under you as you kicked and splashed.
This is not real, this is not real. It's all you could tell yourself, all you could hope for.
You had almost believed that night was a lie, a horrible apparition when it never returned.
Jimin and you had taken turns sleeping over at each other's places until you were comfortable enough to sleep on your own. Yet at that point, Jimin was always over, never leaving your side, so even when you had those bad dreams, you woke to him beside you and never worried.
But tonight you were all alone, reliving your nightmare.
You began to cry.
The water made it easier for the snake to slither itās body around, it seemed quicker, it seemed rougher.
You trembled, in cold and in fright. You shivered. You wept, unable to lift yourself out of your tub.
You whimpered, please, please, please, please, repeating the phrase, unable to articulate anything more.
The snake moved up higher around your wet body. It's head was now right above yours and you finally found your voice and screamed.
You screamed for Jimin.
The snake hissed and wrapped around your neck, silencing you almost instantly.
You couldn't move.
You couldn't scream.
You couldn't call for help.
You could barely breathe, but at least you could still do that.
The snake had you caught.
It was wrapped around you like a rope, like it knew exactly where to place it's body so you couldn't escape. And it was tightening around you, around your wrists, around your stomach, around your legsā¦
---
Jimin wished you would just love him!
Of course he treasured those moments when you would embrace his human form, of course.
But why couldn't you love all sides of him! The real him!
He had watched you so longingly from his garden when you moved to the city. When you would visit and watch the flowers, he watched you. You were more beautiful to gaze upon, you were like a flower to him, just bloomed and unfurling in front of him. He picked you, you were going to be his.
But you screamed when you noticed him in the rose bushes, leaving before he even introduced himself!
So he had to find another way, a better way. Something about you, there was something about you that changed...altered something in him, like a chemical reaction. He changed for you, because he loved you. He changed so you could love him.
He found you cute, the way you would react to his human form like a timid mouse.
It delighted him, the way he could entrance you. Jimin was always very skilled in charming his conquests.
When you were asleep, you were such a sweet treat for him, he could gaze upon your whimpering face all night, embrace you in his favorite way, run his whole body along your curves and watch you unfurl again and again, his own beautiful flower, he only wished to pluck your petals until you loved him.
But you loved him not.
Then after he had finally slithered his way into your day to day life using his human form, he began to feel more confident. After such a successful dinner date he visited you that night again. He rested his head against your heart and tightened himself around you, the urge to get closer to you overwhelming him. Jimin had woken you up, and your fear was another overwhelming.
Jimin tried to calm you, do all the things he knew you liked, slowly and steady tickle your body until you were shuddering, until you were tightening your legs around him.
Yet you only looked more horrified after, so Jimin sulked away. But you went to him once again, found comfort in him, and it only confirmed what Jimin already believed, that you were meant for him.
Jimin enjoyed you, pleasured you, treasured his time with you, but he knew it could be better than this. You just needed to accept him.
If you could just love him how he loved you, everything would be perfect, it would be sssssssooo much better.
---
Your muscles ached, you were starting to feel the coldness travel into your nose and in the back of your throat, you started to feel sick.
Jimin followed the familar track along your slick body again and again, touching every part of you.
You grunted tiredly. You couldn't do it again.
You knew what this terror seemed to want from you, the way it slithered in between your legs over and over again. The very first time, that night long ago, you had thought it was a freak accident, something so shameful for you to have reacted in such a way, something wrong with you. But no, it was the wish of this monster wrapped around you, controlling you.
You had no way to escape, you had no way to hold it inside, you couldn't ignore the rolling pressure against your most sensitive parts, the rubbing across your clit nonstop and precise, the kneading of your flesh, the way your breasts were pressed together, how it tightened around each one, torturing you until the friction against your core became too much and you writhed along. It kept going, even when you thought you couldn't any longer, you somehow came harder.
But now you really really couldn't, you felt yourself slipping away, exhausted, your temperature dropping.
You whispered meekly, "No more. I can't. Please." Before darkness settled in.
---
"Jimin?" Your voice was hoarse from the pressure around your throat for so long. You tried to sit up, but you couldn't. Your muscles were too tired, and the way your neighbor had his body wrapped around yours, you couldn't have moved anyways.
Jimin sighed, relaxing more against you. "You're finally awake."
"What...what happened...there was...the snake...help..."
Jimin had received your last invitation to come over just before he was about to slither away back home. Listening to the soft rumbling of water as you started your bath while he was hidden away in the darkness of your bedroom peaked his curiosity. He decided to go to you then, he decided it was the perfect time. "It'sss okay, don't worry. I'm here now, and I'll never leave you."
You grunt, dizzy, looking around, you notice the familiar bedroom was Jimin's instead.
"Wait."
Jimin sighs lazily.
You're dry now, but your clothes...
And Jimin's clothes, where are his clothes?
Jimin feels you tense in his embrace, he shushes you softly, nose nudging your neck as he kisses your shoulder.
"I don't understand." You want to cry. "What's happening?" you ask him.
Jimin lifted his head, staring down at you, at your lips. And he slowly lowered his head again, softly kissing you.
For so long you had wanted this, you had longed for a kiss from your beautiful next door neighbor Jimin.
His lips were just as soft as you imaginedā¦but they were cold.
Jimin deepened the kiss, licking across your mouth and forcing you open. His tongue roamed your mouth, invading inside and stealing your air. It felt like his tongue never ended, filling your mouth and down your throat until you begin to gag.
You cried against his lips.
"Sssssshhhhhh."
Jimin cradled the back of your head, he didn't want to do this, but it was the only way! Eventually, you'll learn to accept him. This time, to make things easier, he will indulge in his primal instincts, since it's been so long since he's used his fangs anyways.
They were part of him, meant to be used, so you should accept them too!
You whimpered as he opened his mouth wide and you saw the length of his teeth. Jimin mouth clamped down on your throat, right under your ear, fangs piercing deep into your skin. The pain was quick and then it was gone, and you felt no pain as his venom coursed through you. You felt nothing at all actually, you couldn't move.
Jimin's venom had paralyzed you.
Your breathing slowed down, you were no longer hyperventilating.
Jimin smile brightened, his fangs now showing, his long forked tongue darting in and out reminding you of...
No no no no!
"Oh y/n, you're sssooo beautiful." He pulls the sheet away from your body to admire your curves, the marks of his constricting love across your skin.
Jimin wanted to claim all of you, and in his human form he could do even more to you.
He pulled your leg open, frowning when he touched your center. You were usually wet. He smirked as he moved your leg open wider. This time, he wanted to try something new just for you.
Jimin settled between your legs, pulling you to his mouth.
You felt his slippery tongue enter you, going deeper than even his fingers. You let out a shuddering breath. Jimin hummed happily, lapping your growing wetness up. You couldn't tighten around him, but that was okay, his venom would began to wear off eventually, and you would be able to clench around his tongue soon enough, you would be able to moan out his name.
Jimin had been too eager and given you too much venom, now he knew and could give you the appropriate amount to calm you down just enough next time. For now he could enjoy you as much as he wanted, Jimin had all the time in the world and the patience of a saint.
The patience of a saint, and the tongue of a devil. What kind of twisted nirvana had you found yourself in?
This was a different kind of torture, Jimin putting you right on the precipice of orgasm and you unable to climax. Tears began to fill your eyes as he continued to wiggle his tongue around your insides for hours, massaging you until you were begging, screaming in your mind to come. Jimin happily continued as you gushed more wetness for him to lick up, until finally your muscles deep inside started to tense as the pressure built.
You let out a quiet broken moan as you clenched over and over around Jimin's tongue.
Jimin's tongue finally slithered out of you, and you finally met his gaze, his face glistening with your wetness and his eyes sparkling down at you.
"Oh, you're sssssoooo fucking perfect." Jimin groaned as he slipped his cock in easily.
You inhaled sharply when you felt another pressure further down, against your second hole. He pulled away, watching with glee as the sudden realization washed over you like cold water, because you realize the snake hybrid had a second cock. He pumped both cocks in his hands, both thick and long and intimidating.
He pressed into your slick again with the head of his first cock. You tried to plead with him with your eyes, but he looked back excitedly, rubbing his second cock against your hole, ecstatic to feel your body wrapped around him another way. He smiled wickedly, features shinning so beautifully your mind reeled and you wished to cry out in frustration.
Your slick helped as his other cock pierced into you, Jimin now inside both your holes. He settled down on top of you with a deep groan. He kissed you, tongue prodding to make a point, that you were his inside and out, and there was no place he wouldnāt reach.
He was so long you didn't believe he could fit himself all the way in, but Jimin was determined to mold you to him, his skilled hips rolling against your sex, pressing himself in deeper and deeper, and though you couldn't voice your grievances, his venom thankfully dulled the pain at the very least as you grunted the softest whine.
"Yesssssss, fuck yesssssssss." Jimin was lost inside you, feeling the most euphoria he's ever felt in his human form. "Ssssssoo fucking good."
Jimin hugged you tight, pistoning into your heat, faster and faster, both cocks growing thicker and thicker until he burst. You eyes rolled back, you were fuller than you've felt before, the tightness was overwhelming. He used you, fucked you and made sure to stay secure and suffocatingly tight around you as his long cocks throbbed and filled your cunt and ass full of his cum.
You were still paralyzed when he dismounted, kissed you and transformed back.
You were still paralyzed when he wrapped his snake form around your neck and shoulders and fell asleep across your chest.
Thankfully, you were still paralyzed, because who knows what Jimin would have done if you had started screaming.
this took such a turn IDK WHAT HAPPENED I mean I hope you liked it, hopefully I left the appropriate amount of warnings cause a whole lotta shit went down t-t
KNJ | KSJ | MYG | JHS | PJM | KTH | JJK | BTS
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crybaby (explicit)
genre: all pwp all smut babeyyyyyy
pairing: jungkook x reader
summary: your boyfriend has always mixed his pleasure with pain.
word count:Ā 4.3k
contains: explicit sexual content!!!!!! like that's the whole fic lmao šµāš« established relationship, marathon sex, wrist restraints/bondage, cocky yet eager sub!jungkook š„µ, soft dom!reader but she can be a lil tough, clothed tit play, objectification, she calls him bunny which i think is cute š„ŗ, spitting, dick riding, unprotected sex, fingers in mouth, humping/grinding, jk has a nipple piercing š, overstimulation/multiple orgasms - for both of them hehe, vibrator use, jungkook (and reader!) pushing himself to his limits bc..... he's jungkook, he cries š„², reader finds it hot š, a lottttt of sweat & cum lol, cum licking/eating, blowjob, maybe some subspace if you squint, winners never quit šŖ, talk of coming dry at the end, jk is kind of a little shit lmaooooo - alright i think that's it š©
A/N:Ā not me barely managing to get this up before the ticket sales start š
happy hunger games to y'all who have codes!!! this fic is a birthday gift to my love, my angel, my cunning linguist @moni-logues š HAPPY (yesterday) BIRTHDAY bb, can't wait to marry you on our first date, it is the joy of my life to build castles in the air with you~
and god bless jk for his lives the past few weeks bc they breathed so much life into this regular degular "sub!jk" fic idea. i'm v obsessed with his personality and the way he always pushes himself "just a little more", whether it's in staying up til 5 am singing karaoke on his couch or giving his absolute all in a workout. just so in love with our bunny tbh, so i hope you enjoy this spicy version of him too!! š„°
read on AO3!
~*~
You know your boyfriend has always mixed his pleasure with pain.
He stays up late even when heās exhausted, likes to do his workouts to failure, could spend hours in a tattoo session with the needle pressed to his skin and his bones humming from the buzz. Always holding out for as long as he can, always wanting just a little bit more before he calls it quits, even when itās hard, even when it hurts. Because he wants to test his limits.
And today, you want to test them, too.
Thatās why you text him to meet you in the bedroom, let him find you in nothing but one of his oversized Carhartt shirts, kneeling up on the bed as you affix a pair of purple silk restraints to the headboard.
Thereās the soft creak of the mattress from Jungkookās added weight, and you feel the heat of him as he crowds you from behind, hands dragging up the curve of your hips and taking the hem of your borrowed shirt with it.
āThis was the emergency, huh?ā The low murmur of his voice is chased by the cool touch of his lip ring as he drags his mouth up the nape of your neck. A blossom of arousal starts to unfurl in your core. āWanted to use these?ā
āYeah,ā you answer, feigning nonchalance as you give the silk a firm tug to test that it holds. Satisfied, you let yourself sink back into Jungkookās touch, dropping your head against his shoulder and smiling when he leans down to brush his lips over yours. He hums a soft little sound into your mouth.
You cup your hand to the nape of his neck when you pull away to finish the thought. āThought we could try them on you.ā
The words are seemingly all your boyfriend needs to hear; he drops down onto the mattress so hard that he bounces a little. You canāt help but laugh at the way he scrambles to strip out of his sweatshirt, like heās being timed, then hurriedly centers himself on the pillows, eyes glinting dark with desire.
When you first started talking to Jungkook, everything about him made you expect that he would be the one to call the shots. The good looks, the tattoos and piercings, the musclesā and definitely the motorcycle. But once youād sat across from him at dinner on your first official date, only to watch him blush and fumble his way through a conversation, you started to suspect that maybe he preferred to follow rather than lead.
That thought was certainly confirmed the next time you saw him out in public: itād been a full two weeks since your first date, with nothing but radio silence between you since. You were admittedly maybe a little too drunk when you spotted him out with his friends at the same bar youād been dragged to by yoursā drunk enough to have no problem walking right up to him to read him for filth, in front of all of his friends, for ghosting you.
Except heād just blinked those big brown eyes up at you, mouth dropped open in disbelief, and quietly admitted that heād been waiting all this time for you to text him.
One of his friends had clapped him on the back, laughing loudly as he corroborated Jungkookās confession. āHeās been having midnight karaoke pity parties because he never heard from you. Please take this boy out again before his neighbors have him evicted!ā
That night told you everything you needed to know about how the dynamics in your relationship would work out. That if you wanted something, there was a very good chance Jungkook wanted it, too.
Which is why it doesnāt surprise you that your boyfriend is already sprawled out half-naked on the bed beneath you, arms folded behind his head in a way that makes his biceps bulge, dangerously attractive.
His mouth pulls into a cocky, flirtatious grin. āAh, so you wanna use me?ā
āI do,ā you murmur, straddling your thighs over his torso and leaning up to take the smooth purple silk between your fingers. He offers you one hand before you even have to ask for it, and takes advantage of the otherās last few minutes of freedom to paw at you over your shirt. His tattooed fingers seek out your breast and squeeze, his thumb flicking lazy strokes over your nipple.
You tug the knot of the restraint to tighten it, then look back just as Jungkook closes his lips around the clothed bud of your breast. The rough drag of cotton against your sensitive skin makes you hot all over, your nipple stiffening easily at the rub of his insistent tongue.
āHowās that? Too tight?ā
He smirks with your tit still in his mouth, soaking a wet spot into your shirt, teeth scraping gently. āCould be tighter.ā
āYou are such a show-off,ā you huff, more endeared than aggravated as you redo the knot, this time as tight as you can manage. Jungkook pulls against it teasingly, but it does actually seem to hold him in place, and you can feel a dull thud between your legs at the flex of his muscles on full display, the image of him already half-helpless beneath you.
āIām Jeon Jungkook,ā he says, as if in explanation, giving your breast a final playful jiggle before you tug his other hand off to tie it up, too.
āWell, Jeon Jungkook,ā you retort with a smirk and a grunt of effort as you lean over him to tug the knot tight. You glance down to find him already using the leverage of his restraints to pull himself up so that he can continue to nuzzle his face into your shirt between your tits, abdominals shaking a little from the effort, undeterred despite the loss of both of his hands.
You take his jaw in your grip and scoot yourself further down his body, dipping in to plant a kiss on his soft lips.
āAre you gonna be a good little toy for me?ā
āUh-huh,ā he grunts, and you enjoy the tease of hovering just past where he can reach, watching him strain up toward your mouth to seek another kiss and fall ever so short.
You can feel arousal already dripping from your folds as you slide further down the bed, slipping off from on top of Jungkook to easily rid him of his joggers and briefs. His dick smacks against his stomach, thick and hard; wet, too, at the pretty brown tip. You toss his clothes over the edge of the bed, then strip your own shirt to follow before lowering yourself between his spread legs.
The muscles in Jungkookās thighs tighten with visible anticipation as you hover above his cock, letting the heat of your breath fan out over him, not unlike the warm afternoon air leaking in through the cracked bedroom window, the first taste of spring. You can hear the wet clicks of Jungkookās tongue in his mouth.
āEasy, bunny,ā you murmur, and then you work up a mouthful of saliva and spit it right onto the head of his dick.
He hisses in a breath at the splatter of it, then gasps a soft little sound when you take him in your hand to slip your fist down the length of him. Thatās Jungkook all over; always so eager, always so sensitive.
āWhat do you think?ā you muse, your mouth ticking up as you feel Jungkookās hips roll into your grasp. āThink itās ready for me, baby?ā
āāSready,ā he grunts, teeth clenched. āUse it, jagi.ā
You waste no time, crawling back up Jungkookās body to settle your hips over his, flattening your palms against his chest. Heās still squirming, thighs flexing against the bed as he rocks up in a desperate attempt to find the wet heat of your cunt, and you giggle as you work yourself backwards until the head of his dick catches on your entrance.
Itās a bit of a stretch, but youāre wet enough to take it. You bite down on a smug smile as you manage to seat yourself on him hands-free.
āFuck, love when you do that.ā Jungkookās voice is a low growl, and you slide a hand up the firm definition in his chest and slowly start to rock yourself along his length. His cock fills you up like he was made for it; you can feel every detail of him drag against your ridges, trailing sparks of pleasure as you tilt your hips to drive him right into your sweet spot.
Jungkookās head kicks back against the pillow as a groan rips through him. Thereās a gentle crease in his brow, furrowed in the way that tells you itās so good: the tight heat of your pussy, the slick stretch of it when you work it on him. You ride him rough, make him take it like a good boy.
Another noise stutters out of Jungkook, chased this time by a huff of breath that it takes you a second to realize is a laugh, the tone caught halfway between shy and horny. You watch the way he squirms, restless against his restraints, like he canāt help himself.
He answers before you can ask. āThe way your titsā fuckinā bounceā fuck, I wanna touch you.ā
The feeling sinks in as you watch him writhe beneath you, as you shove your hips back harder to pull more desperate sounds out of him. Itās fun, not letting him have what he wants, makes you drip that much more down the length of him.
āYou canāt.ā
āI know,ā he grunts, wrists tugging uselessly. āItās hotā that I canāt.ā
āIt is,ā you concede, feigning composure despite the hitch in your breath, the way youāre already close to the edge and pushed that much closer by having Jungkook like this. Tied up, all yours, free to do with as you please.
And still fighting against his fucking restraints.
āThink I could rip these?ā
Itās like your body acts faster than your pleasure-driven mind can keep up with: all at once, youāre tracing the pouted curve of Jungkookās bottom lip, then slipping two fingers past it into the heat of his mouth.
āShh, bunny,ā you murmur. He blinks up at you, glassy-eyed as you pet over his tongue, all lush and wet on your fingertips. āToys donāt talk.ā
You press down more firmly as if for emphasis, enjoying how his soft parts give so easily to your touch, and then Jungkook outright moans around your fingers in his mouth.
The needy little sound makes your pussy pulse hot between your thighs.
āFuck,ā you hiss as you take him to the hilt, changing the stroke of your hips to grind against your toy, used solely to get yourself off now. Humping, really, rubbing your clit over the smooth skin of his abdomen where heās blooming feverglow, flushed with need. Jungkookās eyes flicker back in his head at the way your pussyās taking him, squeezed tight like a vice and gushing wet. Working raw sounds out of him, his jaw gone slack; you can feel the blunt edge of his teeth and his heavy, shaky breath on the palm of your hand.
Your thighs shift to spread wider and the next drag of your clit is at just the right angle that pleasure surges up in you, undeniable, overwhelming. Itās all you can do now to chase your release, to keep rocking yourself into it, Jungkookās thick cock plugged up inside of you and drool slicking out of his mouth to drip down your wrist.
āGonna make myself come on my pretty little toy,ā you manage to gasp.
Jungkookās eyes find yours, burning intensity, the way he gets, and then he closes his lips tight around your fingers in his mouth and sucks, as if heās begging to be used, and it sends you over the edge all at once. Your head tips back as your orgasm kicks through you, white noise pleasure, enough to get lost in.
Hips still rolling, you grind yourself through it, the waves of your climax swelling and receding again, until you finally drop forward against Jungkookās chest, breathless and buzzing all over.
You let your fingers slip out of his mouth, exhale a laugh as they skip over the defined ridges of his stomach when you wipe your hand dry, taking full advantage of the fact that heās powerless to stop you.
āShit, that was hot.ā
Jungkookās voice is hoarse with desire as you shift to find the curve of his neck under your mouth, trailing kisses until your lips brush over the pretty lines of ink just behind his ear. Heās still thick and stiff inside you, with a steady pulse-throb that tells you how badly he needs to come, how worked up he is from being used as your personal hump-toy.
āYeah,ā you echo, paired with a tentative rock of your hips that makes your cunt flutter, overstimulated, tugs a little whine out of Jungkook, too. Your tongue feels thick in your mouth as you breathe against his flushed skin.
āThink Iā wanna keep using my toy. Kinda feel like being greedy.ā
Jungkookās cock twitches, shameless, at your admission, again when you flick a thumb over the silver jewelry studded through his nipple. Thereās a part of you that wants to keep him like this, his leaking-hard dick filling you up while you purr nasty shit in his ear, just to see if he can come from it.
āMight ride it until I break it.ā You scrape your teeth up his neck and he moans. āGonna take all I can give you, bunny?ā
His throat jumps visibly as he swallows, fights to gasp a desperate āuh-huhā. Answers with his body, too, arching up to press himself deeper into you, rubbing the slick, hot tip of his cock into your front wall in just the right way to melt pleasure down your spine. You reward his eager submission with a soft kiss, then lick along the seam of his lips, enjoying the sweet little noises that pour into your mouth when you open him up.
Still intertwined, his tongue stroking over yours, your hand goes fumbling for the nightstand, comes away with the slender cylinder of your vibrator, and switches it on before slipping it down to press between your bodies.
āOh my god,ā Jungkook groans as you nestle the shuddering bullet between your folds and find the bud of your clit. You know he can feel it too from the way his hips jerk beneath you, the steady buzz engulfing his cock as you squeeze your pussy around him, all lush sensitivity from your first orgasm. āOh fuck, Iām gonna come.ā
āYou can.ā The words are hardly more than a warm exhale from your mouth to his, your lips brushing. āBut Iām not gonna stop.ā
You donāt give him time to respond or even heave in another gasp of air before your thumb finds the button at the base of your vibrator, clicks it once, then again.
āFā ahh!ā
Jungkookās body jolts like a live wire as he falls apart beneath you. You sit up to take in the whole of him, your free palm slipping to the jut of his hip, fingertips splayed out and pressed heavy to anchor.
Pinned down and helpless, he trembles through the hot rush of his release, dick buried deep and pulsing as it all comes spilling out of him.
āThatās it, baby,ā you coo. Your nails scratch lovingly against his skin to coax him out of itā taking such good care of your toy. His breath is punching out of his chest in these ragged, overwhelmed gasps, sweat glittering at his temples while he whimpers through the comedown. So fucking beautiful like this.
The hum of the vibrator rolls through you, strong enough with the change in angle that your eyes drop shut to focus on the feeling.
Jungkook whines when you circle your hips with him still tucked up inside of youā itās a wrecked little noise, high and sweet, underscored by the thick squelch of his cum starting to leak back down his shaft. Your thighs tense just right from the filthy sound of it, and then itās all throbbing velvet glow in your core as you clench up and come on his cock again.
āFuuuuuck, bunny,ā you groan up to the ceiling, your head tipped back as it washes over you. āGod, yeah.ā
You flick the vibrator off when it gets to be too much, let it go rolling down the mattressā the bedroom feels bigger for the silence. Sweat slicks at the back of your knees, warm spring breeze still licking through the window to flutter the sheer-gauze curtains.
Youāre fluttering too, all over: the kick of your heartbeat, the breath stuttering out of your lungs. The throb of your cunt, split open and drooling out juice, messy-wet fresh fruit.
The sound of the bedsheets shifting has your lashes flickering open again, and thereās Jungkook. Dark hair fanned out on the pillow, wrists bound, and that look in his eyes. Like he can take a little more. Like heās waiting for your cue. Like thereās this whole-heart want brimming up inside of him, making his blood run hot.
Heās still hard between your legs.
āGo on then,ā you tell him. āGive me another one.ā
With a concentrated growl, Jungkook flattens his feet to the bed, grips tighter to his restraints for leverage, and starts to pound up into you. You can feel an overstimulated shudder in the stroke of his hips, how his cockhead twitches, sensitive, as it rubs over your g-spot. But he doesnāt stop; doesnāt even lose his rhythm.
He fucks you like a machine, and itās all you can do to brace your palms against his chest and tip forward, rocking yourself down to meet him thrust for thrust.
The harsh slap of body on body is almost enough to drown out the rest: your open-mouthed panting, Jungkookās groan when your nails dig crescent moon slivers into his tan skin, the gravel edge to your words, āYeah, like that, fuck me just like that.ā
It takes you a second to notice, the sound buried beneath it all, but then it floats throughā Jungkookās sucking his breath in through his teeth now, his jaw tight. You can see the jump of a muscle working there.
āDoes it hurt, baby?ā you gasp, more air than voice.
Jungkookās head drops back against the pillow, brow pinched from the focus of keeping his pace steady. Heās breathless, too, when he answers: āFeels good.ā
āFeels good because it hurts, huh? Is that how you like it?ā
A strangled noise tears out of his throat, and he shoves up even harder, like he wants to fuck you into the shape of him. You splay one hand over the column of his throat and watch his pretty brown eyes blink-blink back at you, and then you have to bury your moans in the crook of his neck as you come hard.
The world around you returns a little at a time. First, the tremble of your tired thighs, the dull ache thatās already started to bloom at the bend of your knees. Then, Jungkookās body curved up against yours, hips still slow-rolling as you exhale in hot, jagged bursts against his skin. Thereās the distinct drip of his cum sliding out of you, and all the sticky-wet places where itās slicked up the swell of your ass.
āShit,ā you laugh when you manage to find the breath for it. āThat was crazy.ā
Jungkook shifts a little, but doesnāt respond, and then he makes this wet, soft gasp. You realize heās shaking beneath you.
You sit up so fast the room spins; your tether is Jungkookās face, cupped lovingly now between your palms.
āOh, baby.ā
A fat teardrop traces a path down his cheek. Another threatens the dark border of his lashes. He canāt wipe them away with his wrists tied up, but you can see him trying to hold back even as a sob shudders through him, his chest heaving.
āYou okay, my love?ā you murmur, swiping a thumb across his face. He sniffles, nods, hiccups a little. The tip of his nose is flushed pink. āShoulda told me to stop, if it was too much.ā
āIt feels good,ā he insists, and his voice cracks around the words. āItās just a lot. But ām notā donāt wanna stop.ā
āNo? You sure?ā
Jungkook sucks his lip ring into his mouth as he nods again, sniffs again. That sends a bolt of something through you.
āYouāve been so good to me,ā you praise, and you tip your ass back until his softening cock slips out, smeared glossy-white with your shared release. Jungkookās still wound-up, pulled so tight inside himself that he flinches when you slip a hand down to ease his legs apart, sliding lower on the bed to slot yourself between them.
āCan I take care of you, bun?ā The questionās posed sweetly, chased with a flutter of your lashes and kisses dropped down on the flat plane of his abdomen. āIāll be gentle.ā
He whimpersā answers in the way his hips lift up to meet your mouth.
Your hands press flat to Jungkookās broad thighs, and you can feel the overwhelmed static-shiver beneath your palms, little tremors that jolt through his muscles. Head dipped low, you drag your tongue up his length and it punches a thick sob out of him, hips stirring like heās trying to crawl up the bed. But you just keep going, pin him down and make him take it, working broad flat stripes over the whole of his shaft, root to tip. Tasting him, salt and slick and your own heady flavor; you lick him clean.
Jungkook comes quietly this time, feet flexing restless on the bed as you tongue it all out of him. You swipe two fingers through the mess on his stomach and suck that up, too.
Humming around the digits in your mouth, you surface from between Jungkookās legs to take him in: eyes closed, face wet with tears. You can see the rise and fall of his chest as he gasps for air, shaky, coming down from it.
āAlright baby,ā you soothe, shifting up to straddle his chest, knees sinking into the sheets. āAll done now, just breathe. Gonna untie you.ā
Reaching up, you gently tug open the knot on one restraint, then the other, easing Jungkookās limp arms to the mattress. Your thumbs find his wrists to massage soft love-circles in case heās gone numb there, gently coaxing him back to earth.
āDid so good for me, bunny.ā
Thereās a whimper, and then Jungkookās surging up to kiss you, forceful enough that you give a little hum of surprise against his lips.
His hands are all over you, all at once, tugging at your legs to drag them forward until youāre flat on your back on the mattress. Your sore thighs shake when he shoves them up and apart, and then a sharp buzz rolls right over the bud of your clit and you keen. Fuck, when did he even grab the vibrator?
āWanna make you come again,ā he pants, and you smile even as your spine arches off the bed. Of course. You shouldāve known.
Itās Jungkook all over, you think, hyper-focused on your pleasure even when heās out of commission, and then you feel the head of his cock push inside and you both gasp. Your cunt aches, so swollen that itās like heās stretching you out all over again when you take him to the hilt.
āOh my god,ā you breathe. Jungkookās hips snap, punctuated by a strangled grunt of effort, but he keeps going, making soft little sweet-pain whines with every thrust, brow scrunched as he brute-forces his way well past overstimulation.
Heās still crying, you realize.
Tears roll down his face and drip onto your collarbone, and everythingās somehow hotter for it. His length is slick, painted in the stored-up remnants of his cum, and you can hear the squish of your folds at the base of his cock each time he fucks it all back into you, so dirty it makes your head spin.
āJ-just like that, baby,ā you groan, overwhelmed; you can barely get the words out. āOh fuck, Iām gonna come.ā
Jungkook buries his face in the crook of your neck, and you can feel him shaking, dripping, still rabbiting his hips into you, and then the hum of pleasure reverberating through your body explodes. Your clit throbs with an orgasm that feels endless, dizzying, divine. Jungkook outright sobs as your walls pulse pulse pulse around him, begging for every last drop.
When itās all too much, you swat at his hand, mumbling shapes that arenāt words until the vibratorās switched off and tossed away. He pulls out with a thick wet sound and the hiss of his breath between his teeth.
Together, you come down slow. Exhaling staccato, limbs tangled, bodies flushed and sweat-sticking.
Jungkook moves first: flops onto the mattress next to you, entirely exhausted, the way youāve seen him get after a particularly rough workout. Scrubs at his face with one hand, this shy laugh fluttering out of him. āCanāt believe I cried. Ah, so embarrassing.ā
You turn onto your side, tugging his hand away so you can press a kiss to his open palm. āDonāt ask me why butā¦ in the moment? Very hot, actually.ā A flush colors his cheeks and you giggle. āMy perfect little crybaby.ā
He flashes you his signature cocky grin, eyes squeezing shut as it morphs into something nearer to a wince. āFuck, Iām so sweaty.ā A breathless gasp, again. āAnd my dick hurts. I think I came dry that last time.ā
āPoor baby,ā you coo, not quite sincere. āYou really couldāve stopped atā¦ what, three?ā
Eyes closed and still smirking, he shakes his head, damp hair falling in his face. āNo I couldnāt haveā Iām Jeon Jungkook.ā
āYou certainly are.ā
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