#I GOTTA DO WVERYTHING AROUND HERE!!!! | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

zhuhongs · 3 years

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oh god i honestly could cry rn im just so tired of everything. like it rlly Is August and im sick of being brave (rant incoming)

okay so like first thing rlly is this fucking job. like god i... its about equal the amt of money i make there plus one day at m/rshalls versus if i worked at marshalls my normal amt. so like... ok. and then theres just the sheer amout of atuff i need to do to prep for that job that i just dont get compensated for and like i still do the same amt as the other teachers but get paid less and have less hours. like What... why. and then theres just. the stress of the job bc i need to learn how to teach all year long and keep up the energy and i just. i cant do it. i dint think I'll be happy doing it. like rlly i may give it a month and its Not The Job For Me.. like. I'm rlly convinced. i remember snth myanager way e said to me before i trained someone and he said "you need to make sure they get it from the start bc if theyre lost at the beginning, theyre gonna be lost the entire time up until they leave." and thats how i feel abt this job. theyve lost me since the first day of training. rlly. i feel lost. and im gonna communicate that. and then i have this whole deal with my car that makes me want to cry on the spot. like its 1.3k to fix my car. and i font really understand why at all. like ik ive neglected it and that theres issues with it. but idk how it amts to that much. according to the technician, my engine mounts are all broken so my engine is shaking when u start it which us a huge issue and could cause the engine to explode p much if i dont do anything. and im just. okay well i gotta fix it. but jesus christ do i want to cry. its an used car i got a horrible deal on and i. i dont know if its worth ut. its nit fully paid off even so i cant sell it or trade it in i think and i just. i dont know what to do. i have the money for it. thank god. but still thatd be around half of my bank account. and i just paid my tuition and we just moved so money is tight on my mom and my rent goes up and i start in person classes so ill be spending a ton in gas and im just freaked out. and taking this job is honestly like a slight cut in my salary bc its pays biweekly and its like fjfjdjdjshfhdjsjsjs. im just trying to make good decisions for the long term so i dont burn out and nothing looks like its a good investment and i just wanna cry and my mom doesnt want to help me or even talk abt it bc shes also miserable and overworked. and also gets mad at me for overthinking but i cant help it. i dont want to live like i used to live when i could barely make ends meet. it was miserable and i dont want to ve miserable. i thought wverything was starting to look up but no its not!!! its rlly not!! idk how im gonna end up saving to build back up my savings (bc i have a feeling that the way im living rn will be unsustainable and ill be broke soon bc of rent and car payments and school) or how im gonna find a satisfying job after i graduate and im gonna cry. im gonna fucking cry. i. literally crying. i dont know what i want to do. i dont rlly want to teach or do art. and i sure as hell dont want to stay in retail and i know i dont need to have it figured put rn. im 21 with a job, a car, and a BA in progress. im doing really well but all i have is me bc my family cant support me. they have to support themselves so i have to be doing well!! i cant live otherwise. i just want the right answers and i dont know. like do i stick it out here and gain experience? but for what?!! i dont want to stay in this field. i just. i dont kniw. i dont know. i just want to be happy and i probably never shouldve taken the job bc i know ill hate leaving once i start bc ill feel bad for the kids. but its not my fault but i. but i. god. I dont want to be brave. i want to have everything figured out.

#i should sleep. tommorow ill head to the auto ahop first thing and get a detailed list of what the charges are and why.. so at least i have #that piece of mind squared away and i read on their website they offer financing for purchases over 600 which this def is so hopefully i can #do that and take that burden off of me #and then i have a vague lesson plan for thursday and friday... i think. and that will work out. but rlly i need to tell my supervisor #tomorrow that i rlly dont have faith in this job bc of how disprganized it is and like. ik its not their fault. everyone is feeling on edge.#its a hard school year ahead for literally all of us bc of covid. but still. i just. i dont know if im the right person for this job.#i need to let her know that... bc god. god #i think. i think ik what the right answer is. i think i do.#god ... im just sick of this though. i am.#🐌.txt

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futanaritalizorah · 7 years

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Yep. Way to be edgy too and say we all are angels who just forgot to fly Yeah lucifer was an angel. Shit. Bitch more lile you broke other angels wings and tore em off and claimed them as yours. Youre gonna float but you wont soar as high as others. Im just fucking speechless at this point. Relationships dont run on memes and edgelord comments you guys can relate to. You both will be each others undoing at this rate. You wanna know what ive been doing for the past 6 months? You ran away from your rl friends and went to swtor trying to find replacement friends. Yeah, replacements. I still remember your comments about aris or whoever reminding you of eric and aomeone else as jose. Im js. But you cant make othwr people replacementa. They are each unique. I wanted to make sure you had at least one real friend (me) but nope ive gotten fucked over wvery fucking sincere attempt ive taken. Fucking take a walk in my shoes where i had to choose you over me every fucking time your choice wouldnt benefit me much or at all. It was actually working against my odds if anything. Nope bitch dont twll me youre an angel kell. Your choicws were all for personal gain. Fun fact she has 25 mill. She didnt need your 3 mill. Yes i have photos cause she fucking bragged Ahe also bragged about the schematics she needs on when the bitch doesnt wven craft She doesnt craft. She fucking even wrote it in fucking ops chat "i just need so lmlei cant have it" She has like 15 schematics in her inventory that cant be used cause she doesnt craft. So its as if she needed on things she doesnt want or need but ahe lets it take up wmpty spacw in her life just so she feels like she has some worth. Bitch, i just used psychology. Fucking idiot. Cody, metaphorically, you are one of those schmeatics. You fucking are another object. Congrats. You yourself put your ass in that position to be used. Dont you fucking blame me or others. You are in charge. The time you fucking took charge, you fucking banned and kicked me. Gee gee Just gee gee Tired of looking aftwr your ass I was never required to but i...i cared enough to I was stupid to care enough to I didnt want you fqlling fast and hard and i was stupid cause i got caught in that fall. You have real frienda vut youre keeping too much trasg around to see. You are not obligated to ducking keep friends happy. Your real frienda are just happy you exist. God. Even yoyr rl friends saw what kell wrote on your post and wanted to jump on her. You...ugh! I know you. I know you hate making your friends happy 24/7. I know you hate its a daily fucking job. Because you cant even make yourseld happy so why are you gonna bother. Nah. No. Actually. You make it a thing to try making othwrs happy but yoy cant *truly* do that unless you even know what happiness is. Unless you can find happiness here, right now, in the present...you wont find it elsewhere. I know youre battling inner demons but you have real frienda that are simply hqppt be ause you are thwir friends but you choose to go to fake ass friends who need to be paid to be youe friends. Yes cody, you are too kind. But youre a fucking ass to the friends who kept it real with you. Its on me i stayed but its on you for being an asshole. Yes im saying it. You were an ass to me cody. You call me passive agressive? Fuck no. You going behind my back and shit talking is passive agressive. Idgaf if you didnt mean it.... cody you said it...its the principle of it all I keep saying ypure misguidex but fine whatevwr. I keep saying youre depressed but fuck no Grow up and have accountability because i am not the cause of your own inner demons. You blame me for wvery shir that happens in your life then,you should blame me for yhe good things too. I helped you get where you are. God damn. I fucking kept you company pn drives and i fucking helped talk you up to lwave your job Kell thinks she has shit over me. Yeah no. I fucking helped you take leaps from where you were. Shes helping you have no friends and be fake as fuck. Cody. Your real friends are waitinf for you. I see why they stepped back when you started running. They told me to watch myseld xause id get ducking caught. I see it now. You say i made you...ugh who cares abymore. Long story short all your friends, including me, are stwpping back. You are always worthy od my time if you straighten up and stop blaming me for everything like a child. You know that fucking brrak up month was fucking more hectic and it was hextic on your part. You were teaching the pawn shop people, you were packing, you were driving a lot, you were having to feal with your mom cause she talked about your depression I font fucking know. I just know it was hectic and i wasnt deluding myself. There were a lot of changes and i wasnt the xause of that fucking atress. You put the blame on me. Lets all be fu king realistic. I tried calming you and fucking telling you to get rest you blah. I will never regret staying aimply because my acts each came from a place of love. But now...i gotta step back like your friends. Fyi, i didnt make you stop talking to your friends. You didnt talk to them for 5 years. I caught up with each one more than you have. It takes effort to talk to people. I wasnt hete for 5 years cody. Dont blame me for uour lack of friends like kell does. You dont have friends cause you chose trash over your rral friends. We will genuinelt keep up with what you are doing...her? She will want to know gossip. Kell is different: she has no friends cause shes a hoe in rl too. Please i didnt fucking cause that. If she caused that shit in rl then its plausible she did it in game too. Shit. She sucked klebis dry, he sucked kldbis dry, and you have less than klebis or wick does so idk wtd she wants feom you other than your money. Money is money. Idk. I AINT fucking staying to waych tho Pft kell chased me onto other team speaks you idiot. Your ts isnt being used even by kell. Kell you lost more friends for sure by getting me kicked for your stupid shit. You stupid idiot. God. But yeah she xhased me onto otther ts but we were genuonely afk and even if we werent i wouldnt fucking talking to her. Fucking bitch. I gave you my number fucking uae it hoe. God. Shittiest girl ive wvwr met Grow up damn it. Take your sweet damn time but if im not around then who will ypu blame huh? I made your life easier....so yoy wouldnt have accountability Even aftwe all this bs guess what, i still succeeded I left you a successful guild and prog team. But you threw it away. Fyi they didnt mind a sorc being on the team Even then i left but got a replacemwnt. Dethus doesnt fuck around with operatives cause he likes clearing content. Ik he wont fuck around. I also considered his personality. Aris and gold liked him. Good for me. Dethus and onako know each other. They all fucking click cody. Yes. It was a good trwm. No fucking bullshit Gos damn it cody i left you a family Dont fucking go to them until you straighten youraeld up but ypu do have people yo turn to. Avoid fucking muffins. Fucking pastry fucking makes me wanna die. Ask avoniel. Shit. He was trying to gauge if i was the problem or muffins. Its fucking muffins. Jealous piece of shit. Im too busy fucking focusing on you to give wick any fucking thought. Fucking hoe got me punished for her own problems. Fucking shit i dont even wanna go through the wntire story yet. God. Fucking immature bish tho. They were on a break at the time and shes keeping tabs on him and wick was raiding with me cause he asked me to help distract him. Of course i will. With fucking raids. Idiot. We werent flirting. St all. I made him kill shit is all. Wick blames himself but its muffins who told vexus. Fucking idiot. Avon didnt even know. He fucking said he didnt believe it...then fucking wick confirmed and hes like yep muffins is the one creating shit and im here trryibg to just raid. Fuckinf shit. All those stwps i took to take muffins feelings into consideration and she does one thing and was careless and fucked so fucking bad. Fucked wverything even. Fuck. God damn i wont be around for you to blame anymore so straighten up. Then you can talk to me but even your mom says you cant fucking ask gor space and pull me back I never told you to raid with me I saw you wanted to hang There will be other raids vut you join mine The one i advertised for Dont say i dragged you anywhere. You wanted to participate. Im glad you raided. But im sad you keep pulling lie out of lie out of your ass to act as if you arent you. Bitch i saw yoy get me killed at dp or df. I saw you fucking not taunt. It chased my ass and killed me. Hope you had fun and got it out of your system. Yoy worked harder to make sure i couldnt tell but i dont see why. Cody...i want you to change if you wanna change. I never wanted you to change. I want yoy to be yourself. Fuck. It was a pleasure cause damn i can tell mechanics now and see how you play. Watching you through skype helped me learn ngl. I rexognized raids. I aint stupid. I told kell to,kick droids that explode onto the raid team. I can fuck around too. Shit. Have fun with this shit show you keep putting yourself in. Cody you put yourself in fake....sureoundings...sigh. i know mass effect is coming out and im like that is a blessing cause you and i will disappear to fucking play on our own. God knows i need fucking alone time. But you? God i hope you still feel the same way about tali'zorah. I hope what you said about hwr and me was real and still relevant.

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