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shawnssongs · 5 years

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Too Much

requested

warnings: mentions of an eating disorder, and hospitalization.

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“Hey, hun.” Shawn greeted as he made his way into his dressing room after his performance.

“Hey, babe!” You stood up, shutting your laptop before hugging him. “You were amazing tonight.”

“You say that every night.�� He spoke before placing a quick peck on your lips, his arms still wrapped around your waist.

“Because you’re always amazing. Really though, particular taste was spot on.”

“Really?” Shawn asked, his eyes lighting up. “All the falsetto in that one makes me so nervous.”

“Really. You sounded great.”

“Well, thank you.” He pressed another kiss to your lips before letting go. “I’m going to take a quick shower. You coming out with us?”

Shawn and his friends and team loved going out to bars and anywhere that happened to be open late at night after concerts because they always had way too much energy to go to sleep.

“No, babe. I have to work on my report.”

“Oh, okay. Maybe next time.”

You smiled up at him, nodding. You made your way back to the laptop while Shawn took a shower, working your hardest to get as much done as possible. You were going to university, but after being with Shawn for a couple years at this point and completely missing a whole tour, you decided to do a semester online to be able to go on this tour with him. He had been begging and begging ever since he found out he was going on another, and you knew how much tour means to him, so you couldn’t say no.

However, you didn’t join them next time. You didn’t join them the next either. It had been weeks at this point, and Shawn had stopped asking.

“I’ll see you later, babe. Don’t stay up too late,” he’d say before kissing your head and taking off with Brian.

Being on the computer all day every day save for sleep and Shawn’s concerts had become a daily norm. You tried to be with Shawn as much as possible and support him, but there was just too much to do.

“Wanna go out for breakfast today? Andrew doesn’t need me until two.” Shawn asked in the hotel room bed as he played with your fingers that were wrapped up in his, just like the rest of your body.

“You know I can’t, Shawn. I have so much stuff to do, and I haven’t been feeling too well recently.” You answered truthfully.

“Mm, okay. I’m sure you’re just homesick. I promise, if you can catch up on your schoolwork and take the time to enjoy this tour instead of locking yourself up in my dressing rooms or the bus, then you’ll have the time of your life.” He pressed a kiss to your forehead before getting out of bed and making his way to the bathroom, clearly unaware of how serious you were.

You really weren’t feeling well, and it wasn’t because you were homesick. You’d love nothing more than to explore and spend every night walking around a new city with your boyfriend, but you couldn’t. You were working so hard doing your best to please Shawn without falling behind on your schoolwork that you had stopped eating.

You didn’t notice at first, but every time you had to travel in the bus, you’d get nauseous, and you were never one to get carsick. After realizing you had been skipping meals, you noticed you were getting skinnier, and not exactly in a healthy way.

Despite all that, you figured there wasn’t much else you could do. You had to keep doing your school work. You had been through two years of college already with a 4.0 gpa, and you weren’t going to throw that away because of Shawn’s tour. The smartest idea would have been to take a gap year, but it was a little too late for that now.

As the weeks passed by, it kept getting worse. You had been able to catch up on your schoolwork a bit, giving you time to go out with Shawn and sightsee a little more, but every time you ate too much, your stomach would throw it all back out.

You were doing your best to hide it from Shawn, only eating small amounts of food when you were out with him and drinking lots of water instead of the substantial amounts of alcohol Shawn and his fiends consumed every night they went out.

“Y/n, you in here?” Shawn called from the hallway, making his way into his dressing room where you were currently laying on the couch, a cold wash cloth resting on your forehead.

When you didn’t answer, Shawn popped his head through the door. “Hey, come on. I want to show you something.”

“Not right now, Shawn.” You mumbled.

“Please, babe. You’re not doing anything.”

“I don’t feel well.”

“It’s okay, baby. You’re just homesick. Come on. You’ll love this.” You heard his voice getting closer, and you opened your eyes to find his hand outstretched to you, waiting to take you wherever he seemed so eager to get to.

You obliged, not wanting to let him down of course.

“Come on!” Shawn started jogging, pulling you along behind him, smiling like an idiot. You wanted to enjoy this, but your head was killing you.

“Shawn, my head really hurts. I don’t think I shou-“ but you were cut short when you tripped on a loose cord on the floor.

Luckily, Shawn’s fast reaction allowed him to catch you before you hit the hard, cement floor.

“Y/n!” Shawn called, noticing your eyes had shut. “Honey, are you okay?” He shook your body in his arms, freaking out. You were out cold. “Y/n. Wake up, baby. What happened?” He shook you a little while longer before screaming for help.

“Somebody call an ambulance!”

You remembered coming to consciousness, your head pounding. You felt a weight on your chest, and you knew you were in the hospital, Shawn resting his head on you.

It took you a few minutes to open your eyes, and when you were able to, you realized Shawn was laying on a tube which seemed pretty important seeing as how it was the only thing you were connected to.

It took another few seconds before you were able to make a noise, but Shawn immediately bolted up, causing a little bit of relief as the fluids started to flow once again. His eyes were puffy and red, his hair a mess.

“Oh my god, Y/n. I’m so sorry bab-“

“Shawn,” you interrupted, wincing at your hoarse voice. “Can you call the nurse?”

“Yes. Of course.” Shawn stood up and pressed the button to call in a nurse. “Are you okay?”

You nodded your head, and the nurse was in before either of you could speak again.

“Hey, y/n.” She greeted. “I’m Christie, I’m one of your nurses.”

You greeted her before she explained what was going on.

“I’m going to check check on your hypodermoclysis real quick.” Shawn moved to the other side of your bed so the nurse could check the injection site on your chest. “You came in yesterday with severe malnutrition. Right now thi-“

“Yesterday?” You interrupted, your eyes widening. How long had you been out?

“Yes,” she nodded. “You were awake for a few minutes last night, but you were pretty groggy. You just needed some rest.”

You looked over at Shawn who had captured your hand in both of his, holding it up to his lips, and you noticed he was just staring at you, tears in his eyes.

“Should I continue?” The nurse asked.

You nodded in response, Shawn agreeing as well.

“When you came in, you were severely malnourished, dehydrated, and you were suffering from major sleep deprivation. You’ll be okay. Right now we have these fluids running through the tube and under your skin to provide artificial hydration and nutrition.”

“How much longer?” Shawn asked, causing you to turn back to him.

“We’ll keep checking the injection, but now that y/n’s awake, you can discharge whenever you’re comfortable.”

Shawn nodded, a faint smile finding its way to his lips.

“Thank you.” You spoke to Christie, who nodded and left the room, shutting the door behind her.

“Y/n,” Shawn started. “I’m so sorry. I had no idea you weren’t eating. If I had known any of this was happening, I would’ve sent you home.”

“Shawn, stop. It’s not your fault.” You tried to reason.

“But it is. You told me you didn’t feel well. You told me so many times and I ignored it. I told you you were homesick.“

“Shawn!” You interrupted again, not wanting him to blame himself. “It’s not your fault. I didn’t want to disappoint you, and I thought I could handle it.”

After a few seconds of silence, Shawn released his grip on your hand before placing one over your heart, opposite the needle taped in place on the other side. He ran his fingers smoothly up from your chest to your neck, stopping when he was cupping your cheek, smiling as you leaned into it.

“You’re so frail.” He choked out. “I should have noticed. I’m so sorry, honey.”

And that had you. You always hated when Shawn cried, because when he cried, so did you.

“It’s okay, Shawn. It’s okay.”

Shawn sat with you the rest of the day while you rested. You started with ice chips, and when you were ready, Shawn went to the store to get you some of your favorite foods. You needed to start eating again, but Shawn knew hospital food wasn’t something you’d enjoy.

He interacted with a few fans at the store, but he didn’t tell them about what was going on. Despite most things in his life, he wanted to keep this private.

When Shawn came back, you were on the phone with your mom. The three of you had decided that for the rest of your, you’d stay with your mom. She’d take care of you, make sure you were eating and resting. Shawn wanted nothing more than to go with you, but he had to finish tour.

You were discharged that evening, and Shawn accompanied you on a flight to your hometown where your mom would pick you up and take you home.

“Please, be safe.” Shawn spoke, both his hands in each of yours as you said goodbye in the airport.

“I will, Shawn. I promise.”

“I love you so much.” He leaned his forehead in to rest against yours.

“I love you too. More than you know.” You tilted your head, capturing his lips in a soft kiss.

Shawn reciprocated, but his kiss was soft, almost as if he was afraid to break you. You hated that he felt that way, but it made sense.

After a long, tender hug, the two of you went your separate ways.

You were disappointed that you couldn’t finish this leg of Shawn’s tour with him, but both of you knew this break was for the best.

During the months on tour with Shawn, your motivation had been to keep good grades and keep Shawn happy. Now, your motivation was to take care of yourself as best as possible, and you figured that was probably the healthiest mindset to have.

A/N: Wow, I hate how I ended this. Feedback is greatly appreciated!

#shawn mendes #shawn mendes fanfic #shawn mendes angst #shawn mendes fanfiction #shawn mendes blurb #shawn mendes imagine #shawn mendes imagines #shawn mendes x reader #shawn mendes x you

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xladyxfatex · 4 years

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Chapter Thirteen (FMITN)

After returning home to shower, Balor heads to the Hardys’ home to inform them of the deed. To say Matt and Jeff aren’t a bit disgusted by the actions Balor made is an understatement, though beyond understandable as to why he did what he did. Jessica spends the night sleeping, not waking till early morning. A small cry leaves her as she tries to move, only to be stopped by an awoken Jeff.

“Lay still little one, your injury is still healing.” Jeff runs his fingers through his sister’s hair and explains to her what happened. He doesn’t tell her that Finn is Balor, or what Balor did, he’ll allow him to make that choice. Over the course of the next week and a half, Jessica heals and Finn brings her her school work. He eventually does tell her whom he really is, that he knows what she is and what he did to the demon who caused her pain. Though shocked by the revelations put before her, she still accepts Finn as he is, and only refers to him as Balor when they are alone with her brothers. She’s grateful to have such a wonderful friend and her amazing family. Matt and Jeff had called out of several shows to help take care of Jessica while she healed, but now they had to return to work. Before leaving the three, Matt, Finn, and Jeff went out. Jessica’s birthday was this coming Saturday and the brothers were going to have to miss it due to work. They knew buying her a gift wouldn't make up for their absent but it was something they chose to do regardless.

Matt chose a charm bracelet, and a ballet shoe charm, Jeff decided on a wolf charm and Finn wanting Jessica to embrace her inner witch chose a cauldron. Once back at the house the guys packed while Finn sat with Jessica. She knew her brothers were leaving again, that didn't make it easier. Matt and Jeff once again asked Finn to stay with Jess which after the attempt on her life he was more than happen to stay. Sadly though this time they’d be gone almost two months, before they could return. Meaning they’d be home just in time for Christmas. They hated being away from her, but Finn knew her truth, how they never did find out, and being the Demon King they knew she was safe. That night before the brothers left they sat to have dinner together, and all three presented Jessica with their gifts.

Jessica loved her charm bracelet and charms, and eagerly put it on, she held her brothers tight knowing she wouldn’t be able to for a long time. Finn patted her shoulder and she looked up at him with a smile, she knew what was coming. They left and soon began a new count down of when they’d return.

~* 4 months later*~

Thanksgiving came and went and only Jessica and Finn were there, Christmas came and the guys were home, they spent three weeks together before they left again for another three months. They apparently were doing really well, and had been receiving offers from scouts.

February came and it was one day after getting home from school that Jessica saw the package in the mailbox, she grabbed it and ran ahead of Finn, locking herself in her room. She threw the package on the bed, and paced back and forth. Her brothers wouldn’t be home for at least another month, and if this is what she thought it was, she’d need to get it opened and started fast. Besides, they wanted her to go to college right? Biting her nails and spiralling in thoughts and was brought out by a knock on her door.

“Now Jessica, you either open this door and tell me what that was about, or you know I can find a way in there. But I’m only going to count to three before I make the choice for you.” Finn said from the other side. Huffing Jessica opened door, and pointed to the package on her bed. Finn raised his eyebrow awaiting an explanation. Fiddling with her fingers Jessica spoke in a soft voice.

“That’s from the college I applied to for early acceptions. Its kinda too big to be a rejection letter don’t you think? If it is what I think it is, I kinda had hoped Matt and Jeff would be here to see me open. But I can’t wait to open it, I’ll need to do so much more if I was chosen to go.” She sighed, it was big moments like this she wished her brothers would be around for, not traveling and wrestling with their small promotion group. Finn hugged Jessica tight.

“I know you wish they were here mo cheann beag (my little one), but remember they are doing what they do to support the three of you. When your dad disappeared they had no choice. I know for a fact they wish they could be here to see this.” Releasing her he looked into her eyes to see she understood, she may have only been 16 but she was more reasonable than not. Taking a shaky breath she walked to her bed sat, and opened the package. Reading over the contents a smile graced her face and her eyes lit up. Not only did she get in, she got in to both programs and because of her grades was offered a full scholarship so long as she kept a 3.0 GPA she’d be covered. Tears brimmed in her jade eyes as she jumped up hugging Finn. He didn’t really need her to tell him what was in the contents it was clear she had gotten in.

That afternoon they worked in the ring, ate dinner, Jessica did her homework, showered and went to bed. Shifting from human to demon, Balor decided this was information the brothers needed to know. He grabbed the letter reading for the first time himself and smiled, he didn’t know about the full scholarship and he knew for a fact that Jessica was too smart to let her grades fall below anything less than a 4.0. Traversing through the shadows he quickly found his way to where Matt and Jeff were.

“Matt, do you smell…burning leaves and leather?” Jeff asked and Matt took a deep breath. “Alright Balor, why are you here? Is Jessica okay?” Jeff always worried about his little sister asked looking around the room at all the shadows. A laugh broke out as Balor stepped forward.

“The little gem is perfectly fine. I thought you might want to see this letter she received today. Honestly she was torn about opening now or waiting another month for your return.” Balor grinned which to be perfectly truthful freaked both Matt and Jeff out, they would never get use to the Demon King's stretched jaw and razor sharp teeth. Taking the letter from his hand, Matt began to read the letter out loud,

“Dear Miss Hardy, It is a great honor to welcome you as the newest student to Attwell Mystical University. Given your desire to not only study sports journalism, but culinary while hoping to continue dance, along with you 4.0 GPA which you’ve held since your Freshman year we are beyond pleased to extend a full scholarship for your four years attending our university, under the understanding that you cannot drop below a 3.0 GPA. Once again we’d like to congratulate and welcome you Attwell Mystical University.” Matt barely finished the letter without crying and Jeff and Balor were grinning. Balor cleared his throat.

“Our little gem will be on her own starting next year, lucky for us I have a few loyal demons whom will also be going to AMU for different studies but none the less will be able to befriend and watch over her when we cannot. Bayley is a bubbly thing that loves hugs she’ll be great to watch over Jessica, and Ricochet well he’s athletic, loyal and a wonderful little listener. I’ll start by introducing the two to her starting next week, so they can know one another. It won’t work if Jess doesn’t trust them at least a little. I have to get back, she may wake and not see me.” Balor took the letter back and went back into the shadows, making his way back to the Hardys’ home. Once home he placed the letter back where he took it from and then went to bed himself. Being in a human body was beyond exhausting for the Demon King.

#FMITN #Book 1 #jeff hardy #matt hardy #the hardy boys #werewolves #witches #supernatural au #magical #the demon king #finn balor #wwe superstars #wwe

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trustyourgutblog · 5 years

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When Shit Got Real - My Journey to Digestive Disease Diagnoses

Greetings everyone! C Here :]

One of the reasons that S and I decided to create this blog is that we both struggle with chronic health conditions. I thought a good place to start would be talking about my journey of how I got diagnosed. In May of 2016, I graduated from my clinical social work master’s program. The previous 2 years had been among some of the most stress-inducing years of my life and I have a feeling that the life stressors, along with genetic predispositions, were significant catalysts to my diagnoses.

I had grown up in the Upper Peninsula of Michigan (s/o to all da Yoopers reading this) and in order to pursue my dreams of attending graduate school to become a mental health provider, I had to move away from my family, friends, and the place that I had always called home.

*Enter huge stress catalyst number 1*

A few weeks before I was scheduled to leave for graduate school, I started to experience some major anxiety about moving so far away from my family and friends and attending school (thanks to the semester that I had taken off). I wasn’t experiencing full blown panic attacks, but my episodes of racing thoughts, rapid heart rate, and shortness of breath were enough to make me ask my primary care provider for anxiety medication. Thank the universe that she was a Doctor of Osteopathic Medicine (DO) and encouraged me to try more holistic ways to manage my anxiety such as going for walks, staying active, and seeking out help from natural supports.

Fast forward to finding an apartment, completing the 400 mile move, and entering graduate school. The first few weeks were pretty difficult, but eventually I made friends and began to somewhat relax. The academic and scheduling demands of grad school were constant and I was experiencing a baseline level of stress at all times (juggling classes, homework, reading, my internship, and a side job). Not to mention, I also pushed myself out of my comfort zone to study abroad in Europe for 2 weeks during the summer between my first and second year. Don’t get me wrong, I was having a blast and the busyness of my new life was exhilarating. But, I was putting my body under months and months of ongoing stress without pause.

Grad school seemed to fly by and before I knew it, it was May of 2016 and I graduated with a 4.0. You guessed it – I’m Type A and a self-proclaimed perfectionist (I’m including my GPA here to illustrate the level of chronic stress that I was experiencing – if you’re a control freak like me, you know this type of stress). A few weeks after graduation, I continued to work my student assistant job as I looked for a job in social work. I was also on the hunt for a rural location so that I could get more assistance with my student loans. Seven applications later and I had gotten a call back from a Community Mental Health agency requesting to schedule an interview.

A few days after the interview, I received a phone call stating that I had landed the job! Praise be! I was so excited that thinking about the stress of finding a new place to live and the 2- hour commute hadn’t even occurred to me. It turns out that they were short-staffed (big surprise in social work, I know) and wanted me to start right away. So, I gave a 2 week notice at my other job and began looking for a place to live. I started working a few days a week at my new job (since commuting 2 hours a day, 5 days a week is enough to make anyone go mad), and was able to able to find a place that was halfway in between my boyfriend’s job and mine. About a week after my boyfriend and I had signed the lease, he was given another work assignment and he would no longer be working at this site – he was now going to be assigned a traveling job where he would have to visit sites all over the country. So here I was. Stuck in a 1-year lease in a town with no friends or family and facing the cold, hard reality of a long distance relationship. Well, shit. I was now going to be separated from my best friend who I had lived with since I was 17 years old.

*Cue mental breakdown*

I tried to stay positive and began my new job with my typical enthusiastic, bright personality. However, your first job as a social worker, fresh out of graduate school, is anything but bright. Don’t get me wrong! I gained some invaluable experience and met the most phenomenal people. But, I’d be lying if I didn’t admit that it was confusing, stressful, and straight up terrifying.

*Enter gut health spiral*

A few weeks into my job, I started noticing some changes in my digestion. If you feel uncomfortable with females talking about their bowel movements, then you may want to stop reading here. Seriously - there’s gonna be a lot of poop talk. As a kid, I’ve always been a 3,4,5 times a day pooper (where’s the poop emoji on this thing?!). My bowel movements always seemed “healthy” and I never had any trouble going. So, it was very strange to me that I was starting to experience constipation.

Huh, that’s odd, I thought.

Too busy to think much of it, I “just kept swimming” with my fast-paced life. After a few weeks of on and off constipation, I started noticing that I had blood in my stools.

Woah. That’s not right.

My mind immediately thought of my older sister. She had been diagnosed with Crohn’s Disease within the last 2 years. My first cousin had also recently been diagnosed with Crohn’s after a major hospitalization and the removal of some of her colon. Naturally, I began to panic. I immediately thought I must have it too and texted my sister. She texted back a few minutes

later –

“You need to go get a colonoscopy.”

So, I went about finding a primary care doctor as I had barely been moved to the area for a month and hadn’t been established with anyone yet. The provider I found was nice enough, but she totally dismissed my concerns as some mild constipation and potential hemorrhoids. I requested that she refer me to a gastroenterologist for a colonoscopy and instead she sent me to a colorectal surgeon.

*eye roll*

Looking back, I wish I would have advocated further for myself. This provider was clearly dismissing my concerns and referring me to a surgeon would get me off of her back. She expected him to examine me and find that nothing was wrong. No, I’m not making a judgment. The next time she saw me I had already been diagnosed and she was genuinely surprised. I should have trusted my gut (see what I did there ;]) and pushed for a colonoscopy right away.

At this next appointment, the provider (who, mind you, was a dude) performed a Sigmoidoscopy. This means that he put a long tube with a camera attached to it up my butt (WHILE I WAS AWAKE) and promptly told me that he was seeing inflammation and I needed a colonoscopy.

NO FUCKING SHIT.

So, after spending an uncomfortable $40 at this appointment, he referred me to a gastroenterologist and said that there’s a potential that I have Ulcerative Colitis. Phew. Anything was better than a Crohn’s diagnosis. Since I had that appointment with the surgeon, I was able to skip right to a colonoscopy without a GI consult prior. I had to call my boyfriend (who was currently across the country in Utah) and ask if he could fly home for a few days to drive me to and from the appointment. Being the supportive angel that he is, he agreed to come home and a few weeks later I had my first colonoscopy.

My new GI doc - a pretty, blonde, and particularly cold woman, explained that she couldn’t figure out if I had Crohn’s or not. Basically, the inflammation in my colon that was causing the bleeding and constipation was so far up in my tract that they needed to try an Esophagogastroduodenoscopy (EGD). Aka go in the other way. She prescribed a mild steroid to help control the inflammation while they tried to figure out exactly what was going on. Thankfully, my boyfriend was home for a week, so I was able to schedule the EGD while he was home. Another round of prep (aka pooping my brains out), another 2 days off of work, and a procedure later and they STILL couldn’t definitively diagnose me with Crohn’s.

So, another procedure was recommended.

“We’ll need to complete a Capsule Endoscopy.”

Aka swallow a giant horse pill that is actually a camera and it takes pictures of your insides while it moves through your digestive tract. Am I actually in an episode of the Magic School Bus? Another day of prep and another day taken off of work to walk around with a giant fanny pack (and not the cute kind) of wires taking pictures of my insides.

Finally, here I sit in an exam room at my new GI’s office - four months later. Anxiously waiting at my GI doctor’s office for her to come in and inform me of the results of the plethora of testing that I had undergone. It had been 6 months since I first noticed the blood in my stool. Six months of labs, procedures, and office visits. If there was ever a drum roll moment, this was it.

My GI doc walked in, greeted me, and said, “Well, it looks like you have Crohn’s.” My heart stopped and ironically, my stomach dropped. Watching my sister endure the complicated symptoms of her Crohn’s over the last 2 years did not give me a hopeful look into my future. She had told me horror stories of having to poop in the woods while on a run because she just couldn’t hold it any longer, extreme fatigue that caused her to feel like she needs 12+ hours of sleep per night, and stomach cramping that was so unbearable it caused her to double over.

I wanted to cry, but I didn’t (see earlier reference to my doctor being cold AF). We discussed treatment options, she prescribed medications, and told me to “eat bland foods like bread, grilled cheese, and rice,” and sent me on my way. I got into my car after the appointment, called my boyfriend, and immediately broke down. The way I saw it, a Crohn’s diagnosis was a “see you later” to my former, happier existence. I couldn’t believe that this was my reality. My next call was to my sister, who I appreciate beyond belief. Because she knew the heartache that I was experiencing at that exact moment.

Okay, pity party over – flash to present day. I’ve now been living with Crohn’s, Irritable Bowel Syndrome (IBS), and Inflammatory Bowel Disease (IBD) for 3 years. Surprisingly, I am doing pretty well. My health isn’t perfect, but I’ve come a long way from 2016. If I’ve kept you entertained this far, I’d like to share more of my journey on how I’ve made my way to this healthier place in my next blog post.

As much as I felt like my diagnoses were a death sentence – I can now see that they were just a beginning to a new chapter in my life. This new chapter includes becoming more aware, mindful, and attuned to my body. In my upcoming blog posts, I’ll share how I have been able to improve my self-care, nutrition, and lifestyle in an effort to lead a more fulfilling, aligned life.

#crohn's problems #crohn's #crohn's disease #ibd #diagnostic #chronic disease #procedures #gi #ibs #inflammatory bowel disease

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japrilisotp · 7 years

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When Time Stops

So... I tried to write a thing... a cute little Japril AU thing! This is one of my favorite AU concepts, so I decided to try it out. It’s not just a College AU, but, you’ll see! I am fairly new to Grey’s and I haven’t written in a long time, so please bare with me. I hope you all like it! Enjoy!

Note: This story revolves around time, so the time you see (00:00:00:00) is for hour, minutes, seconds, milliseconds.

"Arizona! I - I am not wearing that!" I huff in exasperation as I stare at myself in the full body mirror hanging on the wall where Arizona is holding a slim black dress up to me. I turn around and eye the pile of clothes that she made me try on this morning. I shove them off my bed before I sit down with my back against the wall. There has to be at least twenty outfits strung across both our beds and several pairs of shoes thrown all over the floor of our cramped dorm room.

She rolls her eyes at me before she explains, "Come on, April! It's the first day of classes and you need to look nice! Plus, your timers almost up! First impressions are everything, April. You know that."

Her statement catches my attention and causes me to glance at the alarm clock on my dresser.

8:15 a.m.

Arizona walks over to me and yanks on my wrist. She has always been a lot more interested in my timer, since hers has been frozen since she hit puberty. Bold, black numbers stare back at both of us as the timer on my wrist ticks away.

09:50:15:43

We both sit there quietly as we do the math in our heads. I only have 9 hours and 50 minutes left. 6:05 p.m. That is what it counts down to. At 6:05, my life changes forever.

“It’s 6:05. That’s the time on your wrist.” She eventually determines and I just shake my head. I was never really interested in figuring it out and it used to be so high that it wasn’t worth trying. Some people took the time, but I didn’t. Arizona would’ve been one of those people, had she gotten the chance. Now she lives vicariously through me.

“Will you please at least wear something decent? It’s a special day! I know you don’t really care but, if not for you, do it for me!” She gives me her best pouty face and then goes to pick out another outfit from her closet.

“I’m just going to wear jeans and a t-shirt, AZ.” I tell her, but she doesn’t listen to me.

“You wear that every day. Don’t tell me you were planning on wearing those ratty converse, too,” She spins around towards me and catches the guilty look on my face, “April! Can you please try to act excited! This is important for your future!”

“And I appreciate this but I just want to be myself. So he-“ Arizona glares at me, so I correct myself, “or she- should see me how I am on a normal day. I don’t want to give a false impressions either.” I explain to her as I slip on my light blue skinny jeans. She nods and stays quiet. I assume she finally agreed with me, at least enough to not press me any further. I continue getting ready while she occupies herself. I go to put on my favorite baggy t-shirt with our school logo, but I see her frown at me from the doorway. Instead, I reach for the flowy, maroon tank top piled on the bed to please her. I put on my white converse before I deem myself ready to go. As I pass the mirror, I check my appearance and attempt to control my unruly red curls.

“Should I do something with my hair?” I wonder out loud. I grab a hairbrush to comb it out, but before I get the chance, Arizona has already offered to braid it back for me. She quickly fixes it up and I look at the clock again.

9:10 a.m.

“Oh crap! We need to go or we are going to be late!” Arizona grabs her stuff and ushers me to the door.

I take a deep breath as we rush out of the room. Anxiety starts to fill my body and butterflies bounce around my stomach as it finally hits me. I realize how unprepared I actually feel about what is supposed to happen today. I don’t now how act when my timer hits zero! What do I say? How am I supposed to feel? What if nothing happens? Ok, don’t freak out. I start breathing slowly, in and out, to calm myself down. This is a big moment, but that doesn’t mean it has to ruin my day. This is my first last day of college, and I’m not going to let it determine what my day is like. Today sets me up for the rest of senior year. It doesn’t depict how my day is going to go, just how it ends.

Just how it ends.

That wasn’t a very comforting thought.

“Earth to April,” Arizona waves her hand in front of my face, and only then do I realize I have stopped walking, completely captivated by my thoughts, “We need to walk quickly so we don’t show up late to microbiology.” She informs me and then we continue across campus to the science building.

9:30 a.m.

Microbiology.

That’s the class you have to take as a first semester senior on the pre-med track. Why must it be this early in the morning? No one’s paying any attention to the poor professor, but it’s syllabus week, and we all know we won’t be doing anything important.

“Hard to stay a wake isn’t it. I had her last semester. It doesn’t get any better, trust me.” The boy beside me whispers to me and I laugh at his remarks, “I’m Matthew.”

“April.” I smile at him and shake his outstretched hand.

Arizona watches our interaction from her seat behind me with a smirk on her face.

“What are you staring at?” I whisper to her as I lean back in my seat.

She leans forward to get closer to me, “If only you had met him a little later. Right day, wrong time. He’s perfect for you.”

I roll my eyes and turn my attention back to the professor. Matthew continues to make little comments about the way she pronounces certain words, or the way she paces in front of the board with a marker in hand, but has yet to write anything.

10:45 a.m.

She finally dismisses class after what seems like a century and Arizona, Matthew and I practically run out of the door.

“You’d think she would do more than read directly off of the paper she handed out.” Arizona quips.

Matthew chuckles, “Just wait until we have lecture. She reads directly off the slides too. It’s unbearable.”

I scoff and roll my eyes. Sometimes it’s very hard to pay attention to those types of professors, “At least she teaches, I guess!” I try to sound optimistic and Matthew grins widely at me.

We walk along the sidewalk in the quad until I reach the building for my next class.

“Looks like this is my stop.” I wave bye to Matthew as he walks away from us. I turn to Arizona, “Save me a seat by you in lab!” I call after her and she bobs her head in response.

I spin around and hurry up the stairs so I can get to my next class and get a good seat. I’d like to think I’m a good student. I had a 4.0 GPA in high school, and though I haven’t kept it perfect recently, it’s been pretty close! I had to keep it that way so I could get into med school next fall. Yeah, I said med school. I met Arizona my freshman year here, in the pre-med program. We instantly clicked when we met and we have been roommates for three years now. We’re even planning on applying to the same schools for med school. She’s practically my other half, as a best friend.

My other half.

06:35:00:12

My wrist reads as I go in to my next class of the day.

11:30 a.m.

The class starts and I zone out knowing that in a few short hours my time will be up. I don’t bother getting to know anyone in the class, because I see no point. I nod along to the professor as she tells us what to expect this semester and all that syllabus week bull crap.

After we get dismissed, I quickly grab lunch by myself at the café by the science building while Arizona is in class.

I check my phone.

12:30 p.m.

I have an hour to kill before my biology lab so I hang around the café and sip on some coffee while I wait. I need to be around people today. I don’t want to be alone with my thoughts because the ticking time bomb on my forearm fills my mind at all times. I play around on my computer until I realize its time to leave.

1:30 p.m.

I spot Arizona in the second row when I enter the room. I take the seat beside her at the lab table and she immediately looks at me, “How much time left?”

I show her my wrist even though I know she already knows the answer.

04:25:00:22

I glare at her in annoyance and she apologizes, “I’m sorry! You know why I’m like this.”

I immediately regret my rudeness towards her excitement for me. She will never experience this moment. She won’t know the feeling of the timer reaching zero. Her timer is frozen. It froze in some freaky accident when she was in high school. Sometimes that happens, however, it’s rare. The timers’ people were born with glitch and stop working. Sometimes, they freeze and randomly start working again. In rare cases, they freeze because your soul mate was matched with two people, and met the other one first. I have hope for her and the latter, even though she gave up a long time ago.

3:00 p.m.

Lab was over. It’s the first day and they have already having us jump right in. Something about being a senior and how we “should already be prepared for this.”

“I will come back to the room after my last class. Please, go freshen up at least?” Arizona begs me and I just laugh at her.

“But AZ, I want to go back and rest! I still have at least three hours!” I complain and pout.

She rolls her eyes at my act but cracks a smile, “Ok, fine. But when I get back in an hour, I’m fixing your stringy hair. Use your time wisely!” She throws her words over her shoulder as we walk in opposite directions.

“Apes!” Arizona enters our room and slams the door, “I am so hungry! Let’s go to dinner! Maybe your timer will run out while we are there!” I can see that she’s getting just as anxious as I am. This may be my moment, but as I said, it’s kind of hers too.

I look at the clock for the thousandth time today. Stupid time and its strange hold it has over us. It’s a man made concept yet we act as if it runs our lives.

5:05 p.m.

“AZ, it’s barely five o’clock. No one but old people go to dinner at this time!” I laugh at her, but I know why she wants to go. I only have an hour left.

01:00:00:00

I sigh and then set my laptop on the desk beside my bed.

“Alright, let’s go to dinner. I’m hungry too.” I stand up from the bed and grab her arm. I can feel her bursting with joy. I just know she thinks my timer will stop while we are in the dining hall.

5:20 p.m.

It takes us 15 minutes to eat all our food, but we wait around and talk anyway. After a few minutes, no new people come in and I lose faith that this is my lucky spot. Arizona has left me to talk to a couple of her other friends from the pre-med program, ones who I don’t particularly associate with, but I know them. I decide to take a stroll along the quad because the weather was unbelievably amazing and nice. I fidget as I make it back to my building. It wasn’t quite time yet so I decide to just awkwardly stand there. It was inching closer to 6 o’clock and I was getting anxious. I take a peek at my timer just to see how long I had left.

00:10:00:00

“April! Hey!” I turn my head as I hear a familiar voice.

“Oh, hey! Matthew, right?” I smile at him as he walks towards me. We stop on the sidewalk right outside my dormitory to talk. I bounce on the balls of my feet in anticipation.

00:05:00:00

I nervously watch my wrist as Matthew talks to me.

00:01:00:00

This can’t be it. I already met Matthew today. He can’t be it, can he? The universe doesn’t mess these types of things up. I try to look for his timer on his wrist for a sense of confirmation that this wasn’t happening.

00:00:30:00

His long sleeves cover up too much of his arm, so I can’t see even a hint of black numbers. My hope is dwindling as Matthew drones on. I zone out. I feel bad about being disappointed, but I can’t help it. I was expecting a real connection or a heart stopping moment.

00:00:15:00

As my mind starts trying to make sense of it all, I hear Matthew faintly call my name.

“April…”

00:00:10:00

“April?”

00:00:05:00

“April.” Matthew repeats, his voice wavering. His attempt fails to catch my attention.

00:00:04:00

“April! Watch out!” He yells right in my ear. This time I look up at him but I react too late.

00:00:03:00

Before I know it, my feet are being swept out from under me as a dog darts between us.

00:00:02:00

Everything turns to a blur as I brace myself for the fall that never comes. A strong hand grips my arm as I come face to face with my savior.

00:00:01:00

I keep my eyes closed tightly knowing it was Matthew who grabbed my arm in attempt to keep me balanced. Warmth instantly spreads throughout my body, head to toe. My arm gets tingly from the contact and my breath catches in my throat.

As I slowly open my eyes I whisper, “Zero,” but it’s not Matthew I see when I open them all the way. I’m met with the most beautiful, crystal blue eyes staring back at me. Everything around me seems to move in slow motion, but all I see is he. My eyes are glued to his mesmerizing ones as he sets me up straight.

“I’m so sorry. I was walking my friend’s dog when he suddenly got away from me,” His eyes suddenly widen as he realizes the dog is still running further and further away, “Oh crap! I have to go catch him!” He takes off running again.

“Wait!” I’m jolted out of my daze when I remember that I didn’t even catch his name, “What’s your name?” I holler at him.

He’s pretty far away and I barely catch when he yells back, “Jackson! What’s yours?”

I smile and respond, “April!”

I’m not sure if he heard for a few minutes until the dog comes passing by a few seconds later with Jackson in toe. He looks up at me one last time and says, “I guess I’ll see you around then, April.” He smiles gorgeously over his shoulder at me as he jogs away.

That was the moment everything had been leading up to. My timer was counting down for this. All the stories we heard growing up about our timers were true. That moment was it. When you meet your soul mate, that was when time stops. Jackson. He made time stop.

#japril #japril fanfiction #greys anatomy #i did a thing maybe #soulmate au #soulmate #april kepner #jackson avery #jackson and april

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