#I’ve scraped myself down to nothing for peace in my family I grovel and shut up and bear it fucking all and even then

[urbanbirdbud]

it’s been. a very rough afternoon

#fun to know that even while in the midst of my worst disassociative episode in the past year I can still cobble together a good meme #anyways um. about to tear down literally everything I ever derives joy from in my room and put into storage and never speak more than needed #to my dad. I am. so so tired. every time I think things are looking up and I can relax in my own home something has to happen #and then I need to slowly rebuild any safety I felt beforehand. I hate knowing my stuff was looked through and I dont know to what extent #anyways yeah. yearly deeply oversharing personal post over. gonna go hide literally half of my mortal possessions in a box somewhere #personal #no rblogging etc etc #edit: having another breakdown bear w me #I’ve scraped myself down to nothing for peace in my family I grovel and shut up and bear it fucking all and even then #they have the fucking audacity to ask me more? to put away the few reminders I have of people who love me things I enjoy #and the friendships Ive held onto like a dying man does to water? #they say they care about my mental health and how the devil affects everyone insidiously. I think they should take a long deep look #in the fucking mirror. open their eyes to how fucking close I was to just. giving up while I was suffocating under the veil of religion #and no before anyone asks I’m not gonna do anything stupid. I’m not one to live for spite but I trudge on hoping to get somewhere better. #just gonna have a short cry before bottling it up and dealing w it ten yrs down the road. not gonna go thru another ‘check in’ to lose more #oops forgot my little tag -> #ubb chirps