Tumgik
#IM FORCED INTO LYING BY OMISSION. I HATE LYING. IT MAKES ME WANT TO DIE.
soldier-poet-king · 1 year
Text
Woke up >:( and it's like. Oh I need to LEAVE. I need to ESCAPE. Not even just The Parents now but bro1 is making this house actively hostile to life with the way everyone has to tiptoe around his maybe breakup and moodiness and like sure he's not actively aggressive but why are all my routines and habits having to be altered so he can mope and be angry and moody and sad and become an alcoholic and possibly give himself an ED because we can't just sit him down and have a normal human conversation nooo bc he's the favourite child and therefore we just have to wait and deal until he's *ready* on his own. Which has not happened in his entire 23 yrs of life. But y'know. I can keep waiting ig.
Like yes yes pot and kettle when it comes to moodiness. But I See Doctors. I take Meds. I take Responsibility for My Actions and develop Coping Skills and Apologize and Don't Take It Out on other people. I actually CARE abt people other than myself and how my actions impact them, even if they're ppl I don't like or who have hurt me before.
#also when My morning routines are altered. brain scream#but no i can just cope with active mental distress from diagnoses brain disease#so the bitchy little baby can mope and stay out all night drinking vome home and puke and then be a bitch#when he has to go to work at 6am#like ues i feel bad i liked his gf hes sad#but also. like. not to be like well hes apathetic and selfish and callous but ...#he also made a joke abt abortion at dinner yesterday bc our 16yr old cousin is expecting#and it was so awful??? she WANTS this kid???#ugh ugh ugh ugh#i have a horrible strained relationship with each of my brothers#but each one is a different flavour of bad or dysfunctional#and this one. this one. i cant even get into it.#i love my brother. i need a shovel to love my brother#my parents both complain abt their adult child younger siblings#and then like. trear bro 1 like this which will make him become an adult manchild#ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh#truly. i need to fuckin move out. i need it#ill lose free food and rent monies and free laundry and utilities and ooen backyard garden space#but oh my god the emotional toll this is taking on constantly tiptoeing peacekeeping#IM FORCED INTO LYING BY OMISSION. I HATE LYING. IT MAKES ME WANT TO DIE.#franposting#we're supposed to share a car all summer and commute together sans our father#i might just take the bus. even tho i have to leave almost an hour earlier#i don't trust him. or his moods. esp when mildly hungover at 6am. and without our father there to moderate?#this sounds horrible but im a little afraid. (plus i cant be late everyday all summer bc of him)#like. once again. fuck me. i am the ONLY responsible child and i get so much shit
16 notes · View notes
harfblarf · 7 years
Text
more rick and morty nonsense-- this time, rest and ricklaxation
i havent seen any posts outright pointing this out so: we know that toxic morty contains a lot of morty’s insecurity-- “I don’t want to be on camera I’m ugly”, “my voice is annoying”, so on-- and that he’s scared he’s gonna be in hell, but he also outright states that he "just want[s] to die”. Also that he’s in pain. 
Other things Toxic Morty says:
“I believe you” to Rick, with no hesitation-- Morty’s occasional blind faith in his grandpa is viewed as toxic? Healthy Morty certainly doesn’t just play along with Rick’s ideas
“*screams*”-- panic
“yes rick, i-i agree rick”-- stutter, capitulation, submission, avoiding confrontation
“i think my voice is annoying” in response to rick asking what morty thinks of him discovering electricity-- vaguely self-centered in a depressive way?
“i dont like confrontation”-- yeah no kidding
“i-i dont like this, this is scary” fear, aversion to violence
“i’m a piece of shit but I got the tank” obedient, self-hating
leans on dash much like healthy morty did, looking resigned
“jesus christ it hurts”-- unlike healthy morty makes no effort to reassure others
Toxic Rick :
“you can die when I say so”-- controlling
“why am I bragging about that, I have nothing to prove”-- insecurity
“I’m surrounded by inferior pieces of shit and--” *looks at morty* LOOK IM NOT SAYING HE DOESNT VIEW MORTY AS AN INFERIOR PIECE OF SHIT I’M JUST SAYING THERES AN IMPLICATION THAT IM CHOOSING TO READ INTO. YES HE FINISHED WITH ‘TOXINS’ BUT COME ON that pause tho
hey where did toxic rick get fucking glass test tubes
*destructive tendencies*
“I’m gonna rip your throat--”-- violent boi
“you little sociopath/okay shut up morty”-- considers healthy morty a sociopath, doesn’t want to listen to morty talking about people hating him (did not shut him up previously, only now)
“don’t negotiate with that little turd, you’re the rick, you need to show dominance!” insecurity, desire for control at any cost
angry when his plan goes downhill, angry about remerging
“I got a lot more use out of that thing than he ever did” considers his sexuality a toxic thing, bound to his anger and irrational attachments?
“fuck you summer” no respect, no apology
“alright fuck this time for plan b”, but leaves beth alone
fucking throws healthy morty out of the ship. not his morty, not his problem, i guess?
brags at a very uncomfortable toxic morty
“trapped in your brain... with delusions”
“relax, quit your bitching, you’re gonna be fine... grandpa’s here”-- that same arrogance that makes him call himself a god, is what assures him that he can help toxic morty
“just do it you piece of shit!” angry but resigned to the only solution he can see (small picture)
Healthy Morty:
“mind if i put on some music?”-- considerate, nonpresumptive
the whole “one song a day” thing-- optimistic, planning, looking to the future
“if anyone could [calculate happiness], Rick”-- deep respect for Rick, respect for intelligence, flattery
“thanks rick. I love you”-- affection for his grandpa, appreciation
“if we’re all bored, wouldn’t the common denominator be you?” this is a clever joke, but it’s mean. cleverness/humor is prized above consideration and kindness
“I knew you could” and the rest of this montage-- uh so Healthy Morty provides the confidence Normal Morty is missing to a bunch of people. if that’s not symbolism idk what is; plainly Morty considers supporting and helping people Healthy
“*doesnt react to being called a loser, not even to deny it*” I wonder if this is like, self-acceptance
suave but still in an awkward way? like he drops a pickup line on jessica with an awkward forced laugh
“happy to help rick”-- but no surprise, no real emotion. like it’s forced
“bad phone, chuck it”-- acceptance of simple answers
“if something’s worth saying, it’s worth eye contact”-- considers reliance on technology unhealthy? interesting especially considering his interactions with Rick and all his tech
“you shouldn’t have to deal with that, man”-- curiously, despite making it his job to stop other people from being in pain (helping all his schoolmates), he advises against helping the Toxins
“I think i know what to do. *snaps phone in half*” destruction of property, choosing simple solutions
“things are good... taking that away from me? that wouldn’t be healthy.” manipulation, selfishness, self-preservation
“world’s greatest grandpa, for reals” more manipulation
awkward chattering, spouting shallow wisdom
“pronounce it however you want, words are just things” lack of judgement
“please, thank you, we’re having a conversation”-- shoos away the waiter to make jessica less awkward, being rude to the waiter in the process. singleminded, simplistic solutions
extended metaphor of jessica to a planet, including some like very specific shit, “what’s the equator, what are the holidays”
“talk to me.” demanding, assertive
really... loud? and aggressive, and awkward and emotive; very little self-control
lacking attachments, passions, “life is a highway”, “no sparks no damage”
...really long metaphors with stacey too. u ok morty?
“bad parts of us, which includes our dishonesty” (emphasis mine); morty has no question that deceit is bad. of course, that’s what a manipulative little shit who believes in lying “for good reason” would say, too, so.
stacey will “do anything for you morty”? weird, probably more evidence of his manipulation. quickly earned her devotion
“kill him rick!” morty considers his violence and willingness to retaliate “healthy”
bites toxic morty-- willing to use unfair/dirty fighting techniques just like toxic rick did
also grinning while he attacks him
casually stops and leans on the dash, blank-faced, when beth appears. again, no passion, no emotion at all
also healthy morty was in the driver’s seat and only settled once he was in control
“we gotta stop him”
the one to explain why Healthy Rick shot Toxic Morty again
“you’re a better man than me Rick, I’m healthy enough to admit that”-- healthy morty to regular rick. what does it say that both toxic and healthy morty view rick as superior? man, that’s kinda fucked, even if healthy morty’s actions here are totes dickish
“have I ever lied to you? that’s right, and ask around, I never do” manipulaaaaaation
uses jessica as yet another extended metaphor
draws attention, revels in it, offers falsely specialized attention to people to earn and keep their affection (the wink, the friendliness with “dwayne”)
“red pill or blue pill”
“totally understand dwayne, you’re the boss”, then cuts to... jargon that makes his coworkers happy. i strongly suspect at least part of a lie here, or an omission of truth
the boy is really obsessed with organic carrots, who knows why
“is that how long it takes for rick to trace my location” but he’s smiling, not scowling, he’s... at best amused, at worst unbothered, i guess?
“you miss someone that loved you so much you never had to love ‘em back” holy shit morty
“you didn’t hang up”--”huh. how ‘bout that.” then to surprise into mild consternation when the fucking voltron drones show up
“do what you gotta do”-- despite not wanting it, recognizes the inevitability of rick getting him to remerge
apparently healthy morty told his girlfriend that he was “capitalizing on his lack of conscience by becoming a stockbroker”. interesting
Healthy Rick:
“heheh, this universe”-- considers the universe impressive/beautiful/awe-inspiring (compare to ‘the universe is a crazy chaotic place’)
“that is an interesting concept... listen to me, trying to calculate happiness over here”-- respectful of others’ ideas, still brilliant and trying to improve on them, recognizing that math/science isn’t the solution to everything
“here’s something no science could measure: i’m real proud to be your grandpa, morty”-- pride in his grandson, acknowledging the limits of science
“morty, a moment of your time?”-- so polite hot damn
“what if the toxic parts of us have their own identities-- their own will to live?”-- inherent respect for the value of life
“i’m accountable to my toxins”-- considers responsibility and facing it healthy
“locked ‘em in a cage *hits it while smiling as toxic rick swears*” my guy what the fuck; theoretical emotion, no actual immediate empathy
upset, sad about toxic rick’s deception
“sorry summer” considerate, apologetic
“summer get out of here, go”
“we can resolve our issues, we don’t need to resort to over-the-top--”
“just leave her out of this”
“it’s okay girls, i’m so sorry” takes the time to be reassuring and apologetic when danger is still afoot for the world, offers to cook??
“not our right to stop them”
“your morty”/”i know you give a shit dummy, because I know I don’t”-- i think this is again about “not my morty not my problem”, and that Healthy Rick doesn’t care about Toxic Morty
“merge with me and you’ll know how to save him”... except once they merge there is no saving him, is there? just preservation to merge him with Healthy Morty
“I had all my problems removed-- my entitlement, my narcissism, my crippling loneliness, my irrational attachments” -- things healthy rick considers unhealthy are identified, but he’s still doing this in part because healthy morty insisted it was the right choice, and he’s still proud to be morty’s grandpa
“you’re literally incapable of seeing the bigger picture” so large-scale thinking is considered healthy?
“if i ever gave you the wheel, we’d be dead in five minutes” and isn’t that true, because toxic rick is willing to sacrifice himself for morty, and is too arrogant to think anyone is a threat to him? he would get morty AND himself killed if toxic rick was always in charge. no, letting toxic rick guide him is inevitable, but being controlled by him is unacceptable
Regular Rick: 
“man i really overthink shit when I’m angry”
“now it’s time we re-merge your little ass” interestingly his priorities were a) fix planet (what morty asked him to do), b) remerge morty (save toxic morty)
“that kid is a real piece of shit” (about healthy morty only)
“part of me really wanted to [save you], toxic morty. part of me really wanted to.” 
“tiny american psycho”
“kept asking ‘did you get a new morty yet?’“/”because you kept drunk-dialing me and crying about it!”/”I WASN’T CRYING” /in the background “I didn’t care” (what a liar)
Conclusion: as funny as most of this episode is, it strikes me that what Rick considers unhealthy, Morty considers healthy. Healthy Morty is violent, lacking a conscience, manipulative, domineering, sexual, and lacking in passion and attachments (he does, after all, abandon his family, not just Rick, for three weeks). Yes, he’s also less of a coward, not suicidal, and helpful, but compare to Healthy Rick. Healthy Rick is similarly lacking in passion and attachments, but he’s nonviolent, honest, less arrogant and less willing to impose his will on the world, nonsexual, and calm. Everything Healthy Rick isn’t, Healthy Morty is. It’s a fascinating insight into how Rick’s lies and denial are fucking up Morty’s perception of what is “healthy” and what isn’t. He has come to view violence, foul play, manipulation, lack of emotion/conscience, and dominance as valuable skills, even necessities, instead of the shameful attributes Rick views them as.
4 notes · View notes