#Idk how coherent any of this is. It's late and I'm tired from work

[ya-gurl-emily]

What are you supposed to do when you finish a collection? honest question.

(a transformers collection memiour I guess?)

For reference: about 4 years ago (Holy shit it's been 4 years, covid time is fucked up) I got really into transformers,

it started by just wanting a fidget toy for my desk so I got Kingdom Arcee because I liked her as a kid and I was feeling very #Girl (also cause the only bumblebee was the ww2 buggy that I regret not picking up)

But that toy kinda sucked ass so I got 86 Jazz, followed by Kingdom Optimus because cmon it's the big man himself.

So yeah I figured this was just a hobby now so I gave myself a goal: Complete the main cast of Transformers Prime

Honestly I picked an amazing time to get into toy collecting, Just late enough that I wasn't stuck with siege figures or bad covid QC, but early enough that I got some basic G1 cast before legacy (like genuinely Bulkhead and Arcee in wave 1?? Along with my personal Glup shitto Dragstrip? It was made for me)

It's been a blast, it's so satisfying seeing my cast grow, I love finding old figures at any cons I go to (I got classics Bee and Thrilling 30 springer at my first comic-con and those 2 are amazing)

But that idea of having the complete tfp cast was always in the back of my mind and any casts I completed along the way were fun bonuses (07 movie cast, Devastation autobots, RID 2015 and I don't even like that show)

But now that's just about finished, I don't have literally every character in the show, I'm missing a few one off episode characters that I don't care enough to get (I'm not spending 60 euro on dreadwing again just because he's green, also tfp cliff looks sick but it's bundled with 90 euro worth of toys I don't want (also it's fucking cliffjumper, he'll get a new toy eventually) )

But yeah... Now what?

I still like transformers, there's stuff I'm excited for but there's no long term goal, yknow?

I'm already struggling to justify this to myself as is whenever I put a new toy on display I have an honest to God existential crisis about what I'm doing with my life

(I nearly cried transforming spoiler nemesis prime for this reason) but then a day or 2 passes and it's back to being sick

Idk it's a weird feeling, not bittersweet, more like, yeah okay, that's cool I guess (granted I still haven't taken a photo of them all together so maybe my brain hasn't fully registered that it's happened, we'll see)

Anyways tldr: funny toy robots briefly made me feel alive and that's gone now

#Long post #Like very long holy shit #For me anyway. I gotta say shit more #Anyways that tweet about adhd people using brackets because every thought has an echo fighter is very true and correct #My transformers shelf is my pride and joy and I refuse to talk about irl because I'm afraid people will think I'm stupid #But that's a post for another day and a private account #Or we bottle it up and die. We'll see #I have toyhax on the way for smokescreen so I'm waiting till that for the group shot #It's gonna be sick #RAHHH I LOVE CONSUMERISM!! I LOVE FILLING MY LONLIENESS AND POOR SELF ESTEEM WITH TOY ROBOTS RAHHHH #Idk how coherent any of this is. It's late and I'm tired from work #If you've read this far thank you. You are now breathing manually :3 #toy collection #transfomers #Side note 86 bumblebee and springer were revealed today #Honestly they look kinda lame and that makes me happy cause I'm happy with Netflix bee #Also springer was already a downgrade and now it's going for leader price lmao fuck that

[astarkey]

meta asks: 4, 8, 11, 16, & 19!

4. Share a sentence or paragraph from your writing that you’re really proud of (explain why, if you like) I guess this line from a drabble prompt I wrote.

She traces the inked flames on his arms delicately with her fingers, careful enough not to wake him. She follows the loops and swirls; her fingers dancing on his skin like a figure skater on ice. She reaches up to his neck where the trail stops, and stares at the two bite marks where his brother bit him. Although he had them covered up, she can still feel the scars as she gently touches the spot she once pierced through with a needle when she helped him shoot up. He might’ve found his venom that night, but her words stung more than anything. And it still haunts her just as much as it haunts him. She leans in and softly kisses his scars, and it stirs him awake as his chest heaves and his eyes flutter open.

It's a soft moment, but it's like the only paragraph that I've written coherently that makes sense for me, and not much is said, but it's like everything is told from those few sentences that convey these sort of feelings... Idk what I just said lmao, but it's the imagery and the tone that made me proud of it.

8. Is what you like to write the same as what you like to read? Umm... most of the time not really lol. Like the words I write doesn't grab me as much as I hoped it would, but it's like I don't know any other way to describe what I'm trying to convey because it's like if I explain too much in details and not enough internal thoughts or whatnot, I'll lose interest? Because I'll just feel this sort of disconnect because I'll be too busy focusing on what's happening in the setting or the scene, and it's like I feel like I'm not connecting with the characters... But it's like I don't know when there's a right moment for me to throw in how these characters feel because I have too many things happening. So I'm just confusing myself and thinking too hard that it's like I wanna get these stories out of the way rather than thinking of ways to flesh out the characters to give a good proper story. It's like when I read back my work, they all just fall flat to me.

11.What do you envy in other writers? How they write the characters thoughts, like in a way where it's like the story is written in their voice and not the author's, and it grabs the reader's attention perfectly that you feel what the character feels. Like I have no idea how they do that because I don't know enough words or feelings to convey something I'm trying to get across in the story, like something that'll make sense lol.

16. Tried anything new with your writing lately? (style, POV, genre, fandom?) I tried writing a fic for that movie The Guest lol. That was different since it was something I've written outside of the FDTD fandom and nothing related to any of the characters from that fandom. Like the characters are different and it was a challenge to try to write in their voice.

19. Is there something you always find yourself repeating in your writing? (favourite verb, something you describe ‘too often’, trope you can’t get enough of?) I noticed I keep writing "as" a lot lmao. As far as trope, I feel like there is a common trope, but I'm too tired to think of what it could be lmao. Like I think the bad boy/good girl, enemies to friends to lovers trope is common in stuff I write lmfao! Those are tropes I can never get enough of.

Thank you so much for asking me!!!

#alwaysupatnight #questions and mentions

[hazel-tv]

I have decided that I trauma dumb on here too now so hi <3

(feel free to skip. Tw: homophobia, misogyny)

My parents have always been conservative, in their values moreso than their actions, which isn't rly any better. I decided a while back that I didn't wanna be hedgemonically/generically masculine; that I liked wearing nail polish, hairclips, etc. Self discovery was - is !!! - a concept that is as banal to them as it is foreign. But still I tried. I never even came close to telling dad cuz he would just NEVER understand. Mom I had some hope for, almost even came out to her once after watching Love Simon too many times one weekend. Only for her to call me into her room for a serious conversation on how she's 'worried' at the PROSPECT of my brother being gay because he hangs out with male friends too much ! Glad I didn't tell her. Definitely won't sigh. I'm 19 now, i feel everything I felt at 16 but with a little more caution now. I understand that she has generations of trauma and conformity pushing on her and I can (try to) empathize with that ! But I can't justify her crocodile tears anymore.

After getting scolded not so lightly after telling her abt me wearing nail polish I decided to not wear it in front of her. For months I'd put it on in the car take it off before coming home, it was a hassle but it worked. Yesterday I went to this concert with a fren and my bag (with the remover and everything) was in his car when he left early due to safety concerns at the concert. Sidenote: my dad was then suppose to be my ride back but it was so crowded outside that after telling him it'd take me atleast an hour to get out he jus...left. Which, infuriating and worrisome a little, was fine because I was with female friends and I was NOT leaving them alone in that crowd. I ubered home after they were in their car. Anyways, over the years I've built myself a v holistic fren group (ly'all muah) and some who live near me so I called one of them and they lend me her remover and I went home. It was late - and I didn't have cotton - so I didn't remove them before going to the house cuz I thought every1 would b asleep, and they were. But I was so tired I passed out after getting home and forgot I had it on b4 mom saw in the morning. Dad wasn't home thankfully. and she was surprisingly calm Abt it (just said to take it off in her passive aggressive tone) which meant that I (stupidly) didn't go to the store to get cotton and she didn't have any. And then I slept again sigh. Waking up, she came into my room, shouted at me for a min, and sat silently cutting my nails and removing the nail color. I don't think I've felt this... humiliated??? Idk inhumane. I couldn't move, I couldn't say anything. cuz whatever I said wouldn't have mattered to her. so I jus sat there, wanting 2 die <3

I wanna understand ppl like her uno, like u're son likes wearing nail polish, Is that really a war crime? You're worried about what people will say, or that THIS is how someone starts to be gay etc. Idk I don't have the mental capacity for such disdained conversation anymore. It's one thing for them to not know any better because they couldn't - and ofc there are sm choices their parents took away from them, and I've tried my best to empathize as best I can with those dreams of theirs, but i think wanting u're own life and not one of ure parents' unfulfilled dreams isn't selfish either ! That doesn't justify any of what they pass onto me. It stops here. One way or another it stops here !

This isn't coherent with anything byeee <3

#parents #trauma #trauma dump

[binickandros]

(same anon from the start of this discussion) i love how in depth you got with the answer!! and i 100% agree with you now. of course i would never want 2020!nick and 2020!tom to be exactly like book!nick and book!tom. king's representation of disabilities was already outdated at the time. i just think they should've had the same importance to the plot as they do originally, and tbf, imo they have one of the best dynamics in fiction, which could be deeply explored. i do give the writers some (very very little) credit for kinda making it less ableist (like having nick sign), but they did so wrong from the start (hiring a hearing actor) that everything kinda went downhill from there. and also, nick and tom are not the only inappropriately represented dynamic, like where the hell did stu/fran come from?? how about some more stu&glen?? they made frannie know ASL, wouldn't it make her dynamic with nick more interesting?? idk i'm not very coherent right now. i just loved your answer and had to keep the conversation going lol (and im tired of talking about harold 😔)

Right, I mean it’s an adaptation, so making changes (especially updates) on a 42-year-old work is perfectly fine. Even accepted. Esp with Nick bc p much everything happens inside his head. We’ve gotta make some changes so we know what’s going on with him, what he’s thinking, etc. But that’s the challenge of any book-to-screen adaptation, and if you aren’t prepared to tackle that, you shouldn’t do it! Anyway once again I have a lot to say...

I liked that at least someone knew ASL, but it was so obvious that 1) Henry Zaga can hear and 2) they had no one on set who was deaf or HOH. The scene where the committee is deciding to send spies is the worst example. First of all, Glen, who’s leading the discussion, is BEHIND Nick. So Nick doesn’t catch a single word of what he’s saying. Secondly, at one point Nick got up and walked away, with his back to the room. So he missed that entire exchange. If I remember correctly, Larry was sort of behind Nick too. Or maybe in front of him w his back to him? Either way, seated so that Nick couldn’t read his lips. I kept pausing to bitch about it to my mom bc it was so gd annoying.

Obvs Rob Lowe is a hearing actor as well, but he made an effort to like turn ppl’s faces toward him or crane his neck to try to see their faces. He actively tried to follow conversations the way a deaf lipreader might. Some of that could be Henry Zaga’s choices, but a director’s job is to direct, and a writer’s job is to include (at least some) stage direction.

I know that Frannie wasn’t meant to be fluent in ASL, but the fact that she translated what she was saying, but not what anyone else was saying, bugged tf outta me. Also just how Henry Zaga and Odessa Young signed! ASL (all forms of sign language, but that’s the one we’re talking about here) is a 3D language: it’s not just the signs themselves, but also facial expressions and body language. That’s why you can’t directly translate ASL into written English (along w syntax, but that’s outside the scope of this convo), but instead have to “interpret” what’s being signed into written language.

Like I’m very glad they chose to have Nick signing, but just like everything else w him, they didn’t put much effort into it. Part of that could be put on the actor (I have no idea what prep work he did for the role), but like...just based on everything we see onscreen, I seriously doubt he was encouraged to do more than just “learn the signs for these words.”

When they first announced the casting for Fran I was concerned just bc of how much younger than James Marsden Odessa Young is. I think they meant Stu to be a bit younger than James, like maybe late 30s, but...idk she looked like his daughter to me. They didn’t have any romantic chemistry, and the fact that we got no backstory as to how they fell for each other just made that worse. I’m not criticizing Odessa Young here; the poor thing was given nothing to do besides sit around looking wan and pregnant; but like I mentioned in another ask, what do these 2 ppl have in common?! Who knows, bc we literally know nothing about either of them, except that Frannie’s pregnant and Stu’s a widower.

And, yeah, I would’ve loved more Stu and Glen. I’m iffy on how they characterized Glen in some ways. Like when I heard the casting for that I was a hard NO, partially bc Greg Kinnear isn’t old enough, but then they changed the character so that the casting choice worked...I’m just not sure if the character changes worked for me, personally. I did like his death scene better in this one, though. And that he actually got through to Lloyd.

Like we all keep bitching about Nick, bc that was the worst example, but ALL of the “good” characters were seriously under-served here. Where were the prophetic dreams? Where were the groups coming together out on the road? Where were any scenes of them bonding or getting to know each other in Boulder?

I was literally just telling a friend (in the middle of typing this answer) that I think sometimes when people adapt horror (I’m looking at YOU, Kubrik, bc yes The Shining is a gr8 movie, but it’s a dreadful adaptation) they think “it’s horror it’s gotta be scary” and forget that a lot of what makes the best horror is characters. Genre fiction is criticized for being too plot-driven, as opposed to literary fiction being character-driven, and while DUH obviously the plot is hugely important in a novel like The Stand, would you actually give that much of a fuck what happens if you didn’t care about the people involved?

Nick’s death carried so little weight bc they’d diminished the character to a shadow of himself, so it was just like “oh that cute boy with the eye patch died, how sad.” Unlike when I saw the 94 miniseries (before I read the book), and I was screaming at my TV. For all that I can bitch about Game of Thrones (and I can. a lot.), D&D at least knew in the first few seasons to make Ned a character you cared about, make Robb a character you cared about, so that their deaths were as hugely shocking and tragic as in the books.

Am I saying The Stand failed worse than Game of Thrones?! Idk. That’s...saying a lot...I’ll think about it and get back to you. Game of Thrones failed so much more often, and for so many more years...

#the stand #nick andros #frannie goldsmith #stu redman #glen bateman #anonymous #asked and answered #meg rambles