#Kuroko and Mura are ace as hell and you can fight me on this

[berry-cat7]

Philia

Summary: That time Murasakibara and Kuroko started kinda-sorta fake dating, and kinda-sorta never bothered to brake up. (Or, the queerplatonic fake dating AU where nothing goes wrong.)

Characters: Kuroko Tetsuya, Murasakibara Atsushi (Ft. Momoi Satsuki, Haizaki Shougo, and the rest of the GoM)

Kuroko no Basuke

T Rating

Warnings: Cursing (Haizaki)

976 Words

Can be read on AO3 or Fanfiction

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The Beginning (Ch1)

Murasakibara carelessly flops into his chair, which squeals in protest. He groans and runs a hand through his long hair in frustration. "Kise-chin, how do I get rid of them?"  

Kise sets down his chopsticks in surprise while everyone else at the lunch table looks on in interest. It's rare that their tallest friend asks anything of anyone if it doesn't involve food, and it's usually Akashi or Kuroko that he goes to, so this is particularly strange. "Eh? You finally wanna know?! Gosh, I thought you didn't care! Okay, so I don't think shampoo is going to cut it at this point, because those split ends are bad. But don't worry! I'm pretty sure I can save at least-"

Murasakibara growls. "No. Girls. How do I get rid of them?"

"Girls?" Momoi repeats curiously.

Kise's face scrunches in confusion. "Isn't your face usually scary enough?" Murasakibara scowls at him but Kise feels vindicated by the cold sweat beading on his forehead. "S-Sorry, but I thought they usually avoided you..."

"It's the Home Economics class isn't it?" Deducts Akashi, before taking another dignified sip of his tea.

Murasakibara grunts his confirmation but Aomine still scratches his head at the conclusion. "What's Home Ec. gotta do with it?"

Midorima scoffs, pushing up his glasses with the finesse of any good Megane-type. "He recently transferred into that class after there was an opening, remember? That's the only obvious change in his school routine that comes to mind. Not to mention it's a predominantly female course."  

Aomine rolls his eyes. "Oh I'm sorry, I didn't realize this was all so obvious. Thanks Wattson."

"Hey. Help." Murasakibara pokes Kise in the cheek for emphasis, which the blond bats away.

"Okay, so what's the problem?"  

"They won't leave me alone."

Kise sighs. "Meaning?"    

"They keep trying to cling onto me and confess, it's a bother." The giant slumps into his seat, reaching into his pocket to pull out a stick of Umaibo to eat.

Haizaki snorts, rolling his eyes. "Oh no. What a dilemma. God, what suffering you must endure. My heart goes out to you in these trying times-"

"Shut it Haizakicchi!...Ahem. Murasakibaracchi, what did you do to attract them anyways?" Kise laces his fingers together on the table and leans towards his friend as if to project a professional air.

"Haaaah, I don't know. The teacher was impressed with my cooking so he had me assist some people."  

"I...I see..." Momoi mutters with a glazed look in her eyes.

They could all see it. Murasakibara with his long hair pulled back into a ponytail, showing off his surprisingly handsome face. Him, tottering around the classroom in an apron, accidentally spewing lines out of a shoujo manga as he helps a bunch of very single and very imaginative teenage girls. No doubt they've clicked him into the trope of Jerk-With-A-Heart-Of-Gold who's both excitingly rugged and cute boyfriend material.  

"Just tell them you aren't interested." Reasons Midorima.

"I did, but then they try harder."

Much like an insect caught in a web, the more he struggles the worse he’s entangled.

"Then just be meaner!" Then, as if to lead by example, Haizaki nabs a piece of sushi from Kuroko's lunch box and is quick to shove it in his mouth before anyone can object.

Just as Aomine angers on his behalf, Kuroko says, "It's fine." He then pushes the rest of his lunch towards Haizaki to avoid further drama and focuses on reading his book.

"Tch, don't encourage him Tetsu." Grumbles Aomine, leaning back in his seat and crossing his arms petulantly.

"Kise-chiiiin," Whines Murasakibara. "Help."

Kise can only shrug unsurely. "I don't know what to tell you, I usually just flirt with them a bit and excuse myself. I don't think that's really your style thought..."

"Ugh."

Seeing how disheartened he's becoming, Momoi thinks fast. "Hey Mu-kun, sometimes I just say I'm already taken. Maybe that'll work for you too?" She suggests.

"But what if they ask for proof?" Prods Midorima.

"You wouldn't owe them anything." Argues Akashi, setting down his cup.

Kise grimaces. "Fangirls are pretty persistent Akashicchi, I've had to deal with a stalker or two." He shutters at the memory. He never did get those shirts back.

Aomine gets a smug look on his face as he comes up with a solution. "Just pretend to date someone."

Haizaki immediately shoots him down. "That's fucking stupid."

Momoi cringes "He's right, fake-dating never works."

Kise agrees, even nodding knowledgably. "Someone always gets hurt, and since Murasakibaracchi isn't interested in anyone, it'll be the other person."  

Haizaki snorts. "Who gives a shit, it's a problem solved. If they catch feelings, that's on them."

Akashi is the only one to notice that Murasakibara has been suspiciously quiet.

"That's not how it works Haizakicchi, haven't you watched a Rom-Com?!" Screeches Kise.

"Pfft, I'm not a pussy. I'm not surprised you watch that garbage though-"  

Murasakibara cuts over Haizaki mid-sentence. "Hey, Kuro-chin,"  

"Yes Murasakibara-kun?"

"Be my boyfriend."

"Okay." Kuroko fails to even lower his book throughout the exchange.

There's a pregnant pause where everyone but the two involved look absolutely gobsmacked.

Momoi and Kise shriek in unison, almost as if practiced. "Heeeeh?!"  

Even Aomine is in a state of disbelief. "Wait, what?"  

"Are you fucking serious?! Why him?!"  

Calmly, as if he isn't causing total anarchy at their table, Kuroko simply shrugs and replies with, "He asked."

Kise practically leaps from his chair and slams his hands against the tabletop with a loud smack. "Kurokocchi, be my boyfriend!"

"I'm sorry, I'm in a committed relationship."

"Ack! Kurokocchi stop playing with my heart!" Kise collapses back into his seat, dropping his head against the table with a sound thud. Momoi rubs his back in sympathy, a rather defeated expression on her face as well.

"Congratulations on your relationship, you have my support."

"Thanks Aka-chin."

AN: Idk?? What this is?? But I just love their relationship so I thought, 'Lets write a MuraKuro fic because there are none!' But then I thought, 'I just can't imagine them actually kissing.' and this beautiful AU was born. I ship Kuroko with too many people and I ship Murasakibara with Himuro, but I also feel it in my soul that they're somehow Ace.Not sure how many chapters this will have either, but I have some ideas. This'll also probably be a series of drabbles, so don't expect an over-arching plot or tight continuity.

Feel free to send it requests for future chapters! If you're Ace I'd love to hear from you in particular, since I myself am not. Updates will be sporadic o)-(

#MuraKuro #Murasakibara Atsushi #Kuroko Tetsuya #KnB #kuroko no basuke #Fic: Philia #Philia ch1 #hope you're ready for a shitshow #The last thing I needed was to start another multichap #Kuroko and Mura are ace as hell and you can fight me on this #catch me in rarepair hell