#LIKE HOW THE FUCK YOU HAVE WHATEVER A PARSNIP IS AND NOT HAVE A CARROT???

[momonica05]

He

He added carrots

He added carrots to stardew valley...

I've never been happier

#sv #stardew valley #stardew valley 1.6 #NO BECAUSE LIKE #I'VE WANTED THIS FOR SO LONG??? #LIKE HOW THE FUCK YOU HAVE WHATEVER A PARSNIP IS AND NOT HAVE A CARROT???

[biromanatees-like-cats]

start watching a video called something like How I Eat Vegetables Even Though I Hate Them.

... close the video in a rage at the mention of "cut up celery and carrot for dip snacks"

like. fuck you.

When I'm trying to get myself to eat more veg, I have to treat myself like a fucking toddler and hide/disguise it. Like, I'll blend it up and use it as a sauce lol. Do NTs actually like veg?? Must do, surely. Must enjoy it? Like, otherwise does it not ruin the entire fucking meal to have something unpleasant in your food?? Why do you keep expecting me to do that???

Literally fuck youtubers who think "dip a raw horror in something mildly tasty" is enough.

List of vegetables I can eat with my current adaptions, when I remember to buy them and prep them, when I have the executive function and/or need for excitement to cook at all:

Tomatoes (most forms of, I've started to get used to raw again)

Garlic (does that count?)

Potatoes (I know they don't count, let me make the list look longer, I beg you)

Onions (bought pre-cut, only good when cooked)

Spring onions (chopped and stir-fried)

Carrots (grated and fried, or slow-cooked until flavoured mush)

Bell peppers (not the green ones. Can eat them most ways.)

Broccoli (only the green florets with zero stalk, with gravy or some other strong sauce)

Savoy cabbage (only the green bits not the white bits, cut up very small)

Pickled cabbage (tastes like vinegar, yum). Note, pickled onion and beetroot also go here.

What's the lettuce with the tiny soft leaves called? Don't know. Google is being unhelpful. Like, the size of small spinach leaves but not spinach. Not rocket, either. Whatever they are, they are tasteless, inoffensive in most situations, still hate it if a sandwich is stuffed full of them.

Parsnips (roasted. Very yum.)

Is that it? I think that's it.

#food #picky eater #neurospicy #vegetables

[qworflordking]

ADULTRIO HEADCANONS: THANKSGIVING FAMILY DINNER EDITION

Chrollo Lucilfer

he's offended at the amount of food on display. "Don't you know some people are starving, Y/N?"

lectures everyone on the genocide of Native Americans and the colonialist myth of the First Thanksgiving in front of the football game

completely falls for that pyramid scheme your wine-drunk aunt has been getting into. steals all of the superfood shakes out the back of her minivan later that night

insists on leading the family in prayer before dinner. mentions that he is thankful for the aforementioned genocide, because how else could we Fat Americans sit on the spoils of our crimes, enjoying such borgeouise pleasures as "stuffing" and "gravy". "We are the victors of Manifest Destiny, Y/N," he says, and raises a glass of sparkling water. Because alcohol is for degenerates, as he has duly informed your schnapps-drinking half-senile grandmother. meanwhile, your alt-right 15 year old nephew has /no/ idea what to do.

eats one bite of mashed potatoes and says he's full. ten seconds later, pointing at your turkey leg: "Are you going to finish that, Y/N?"

avoids the storebought pumpkin pie and advises you to do so as well. "I'd never allow you come into contact with High Fructose Corn Syrup, my love," he tells you.

yeah, he spiked the whipped cream with strychine. As your family lies choking and dying, he asks you if your grandfather left the Wi-Fi password in his will.

Illumi Zoldyck

your family? your family, Y/N? your mother buys gravy in a can. yeah, fat chance.

milluki is your only friend in this situation in that: he nudges your foot under the table. annoyed, you kick back. he nudges again. you flick a glance, pretending you're only adjusting the napkin on your lap, but.... is that... a bucket? why?

kikyou sends you an uncanny-valley-esque smile. like a sheepshead fish - you'd expect fangs, but they're entirely human. "Do try the coulibiac," she urges, pouring you and Illumi a helping of wine. "I worked especially hard on it."

"Mother makes the greatest coulibiac in the world." Illumi reaches for water rather than wine. His other hand is playing beneath the table - definitely on his phone. Wait, does he have an Airpod in - goddammit -

"You mean the servants worked hard -" Kalluto starts, but he's cut off by Milluki attempting to interest you in his latest cryptocurrency investment. You reach for your wine in an attempt to cope and discover why Milluki gave you a bucket.

Yeah, the wine was also poisoned. Enjoy puking until your entire stomach lining is on fucking fire, Y/N.

because Illumi loves you, Y/N, he washes out your vomit bucket. the coulibiac is perfect.

He-Soak-Ya

"Y/N, I'd love to meet your family! OOH, I'm so ~~excited!"

"Can you pick me up, please? I'll meet you on the corner outside my building at 5:30 precisely - don't you dare be late, my sweet Y/N!"

Of course you arrive on time. Of course he's nowhere to be seen.

You show up at Family Thanksgiving three hours late. Your mother is polite, but keeps making pointed mentions about just how hard it was to cook all of this. How she could have used an extra pair of hands to peel the parsnips.

"Alone again, Y/N?" your drunk aunt says. "Even your little sister has managed to snag someone" - entirely forgettable, you think his name is Jared? - and she reaches across the table to squeeze maybe-Jared's hand.

You smile, tightly, and ask your uncle to please pass the peas. You focus on your plate, ignoring your phone ad the desire to text Hisoka asking him where the fuck he is. You make a little volcano mountain out of your mashed potatoes - pile 'em up, make a crater, throw the peas and corn on top. Jared is staring at you the entire time. He offers you some carrots to stand up at the mouth of the volcano. For flames, he says.

Your aunt finds this adorable.

After dinner, you retire to the Football Game, or whatever the fuck normies do at Thanksgiving. Your family is watching a movie, or walking the dogs. Your little sister tells you all about Jared. How much she loves him. Look at their vacation pictures -

Wait.

He looks a little... familiar? -

"He loves to wear makeup sometimes," she giggles, and flicks forward, but.

Jared's not here.

Neither is your aunt.

#hisoka morow #chrollo lucilfer #illumi zoldyck #chrollo x reader #illumi x reader #hxh fic #hisoka x reader #chrollo headcanons #illumi headcanons #hisoka headcanons

[lesliebwrites]

Now that the internet has been restored, I bring you

The Pot Roast of the Post-Apocalypse

My dad is still talking about it and it's been like a week.

Step One: go to the grocery store and see what the marauding hordes of Karens have left you.

Ah yes, the "I have no idea what these are so I will leave them for the plebs."

Well SUCK IT KAREN, those are parsnips, turnips, and rutabagas and THEY'RE FUCKIN' TASTY.

Your selection of post-apocalypse produce may vary. Potatoes are good, onions, carrots, celery. Whatever.

Step Two: Clean and chop your veg. Dump enough in your crock pot to cover the bottom.

Step Three: Prepare the meat! Drizzle some oil in a pan and let it heat while you sprinkle salt and pepper on your hunk of meat.

DO NOT SKIP THE TONGS TESTING! Kitchen Law states at least two clacks before use.

Slap your meat in the hot pan and let it get nice and crusty on all sides.

Step Four: Get your liquid ready while the meat's browning.

Here's what I scavenged from the fridge and pantry: beef stock, red wine, dark beer. Whatever you have is fine. I am allergic to red wine and dark beer, but not if they're cooked, so I cook with them when I can. I dumped some cornstarch in there too, depends on how thin or thick you like your gravy, I'm shooting for more of a jus here.

Secret weapon?

FUCKING MISO.

When you can only buy miso in a giant brick, you know what it goes with? EVERYTHING.

Pot roast? Miso.

Brussels sprouts? Delicious with miso.

Ramen? Bet your ass there's a bunch of miso in there.

Chicken soup? FUCKING MISO.

And it's already fermented, so it doesn't go bad.

Deglaze your pan! Once the meat is done, pour a little of your stock or wine or whatever and scrape up all the little tasty bits and add that to your cooking liquid.

Step Five: Into the pot with you!

Throw your hunk o' beef down on that layer of veggies.

Then add your liquid!

Don't need the whole bottle of wine here, but if it starts to cook off, that's what I'd top it off with. The rest of the veg gets tossed on top!

Go through your spice rack and chuck in whatever looks good. Who knows, maybe you were able to find REAL garlic, onion, and celery, and didn't need to resort to bottled versions.

Whack the lid on, turn heat to low, and let it sit and think about what it's done all day.

Clean up your mess, and come dinnertime, you will have nice soft veggies and tasty meat--you should get 5-6 meals out of it.

#food #meat #coronavirus #quarantine eats #recipes #quarantine #covidー19

[dorkcresswxll]

Hi, hello, yes, the ship meme plz? With these two dorks? I need it?

send me a ship and I’ll tell you:

Who’s more dominant: dirk. he’s more loud and assertive and confident. he’d never do anything xeno doesn’t want, but he’d be the one to initiate.

Who’s the cuddler: dirk, at first – he’s so full of unbridled affection for xeno and he shows his affections freely: hand on his hip as they wait in line, forehead pressed against his temple as they listened to the radio, hands wrapped around his shoulders and midsection as they lay in bed. he takes every opportunity to caress his skin, every crevice of xeno he can touch, and every touch feels like a gift – like something he did not earn but could not turn away, could never have enough of. but xeno is full of affection and honesty and returns the sentiments completely – it only takes him more time to be comfortable with initiating touch.

Who’s the big spoon/little spoon: mostly dirk – but it depends on the mood tbh. they flipflop between whose the doting boyfriend and whose the one being doted on. lol.

What’s their favorite non-sexual activity: playing the guitar. or trying to lol dirk is hopeless. peeling parsnips and brewing potions, taking a stroll in the woods and gathering wild ingredients, baking goodies in xeno’s small kitchen, tending the flower patches outside the caravan, protesting in the streets of diagon. there is literally so much and tbh as long as xeno’s enjoying himself dirk is having the time of his life lmao.

Who uses all the hot water: dirk. he’s the fucking least considerate he’d be like ‘oh it’s not like im using ALL the hot water there’s gotta be some left in there’ but he is. all the hot water all of it. after which he’ll freak out and wave his wand and try n get the water hot again lmao. prolly spent a week looking for the right spell for that maybe even made one himself lbr.

Most trivial thing they fight over: whether to put the mushroom vase over here or over there – dirk is pedantic af and a perfectionist meanwhile xeno’s the most spontaneous and needs things to not be super organized lmao. dirk needs to chill.

Who does most of the cleaning: what cleaning. what do you mean. lol dirk does yes. xeno’s messy af and dirk’s not-as-messy-but-usually-pretty-messy self will have to haul ass and take responsibility for house cleaning otherwise the place’ll just be a fucking dumpster lmao.

What has a season pass on their dvr/Who controls the netflix queue: im gonna pretend this is about the radio instead and say that it just depends on the mood. mostly they just flip through stations and stop when something catches someone’s fancy and just listen.

Who calls up the super/landlord when the heat’s not working: dirk. he’s the one with a modicum of social skills lmao.  

Who leaves their stuff around: both. they’re ridiculously messy bois. dirk just ends up feeling guilty when stuff keep piling up and starts to try n clean up the mess.

Who remembers to buy the milk: dirk goes out to buy milk. comes back with flour, peelers, bracelets, a book on caterpillars’ breeding habits and a cork-bottle necklace. where’s the milk? he forgot to buy the milk. honestly he should not be allowed to go shopping ever it’s a hazard. xeno will have to step up here.

Who remembers anniversaries: both. dirk keeps a handheld calendar in his pocket when an anniversary is close by and ticks the days off meticulously. xeno leaves colorful notes beside his bed and on the counter and the fridge and places he knows he’ll look so he doesn’t forget. mutters and hums and probably makes up a song for every anniversary to remind himself.

Who cooks normally: depends on whose feeling it. when they can they both sit by the counter and start cutting up onions and peeling carrots and cooking. sometimes they talk about trivial things and sometimes it’s silent save for the sound of xeno’s humming. it’s always calming tho.

How often do they fight: not often. they always try and work things out between them but if they fight it’s either about xeno not appreciating himself enough, dirk not appreciating himself enough, one of them putting themself in unnecessary danger and making the other worried sick, or a clash on views regarding aversio. namely dirk thinks they’re the best things since peanut butter while xeno is less thrilled. lmao.

What do they do when they’re away from each other: ?????? i have no idea. whatever they do during their day usually. but when something funny/interesting happens dirk’s first thought is usually ‘i gotta tell xeno about this.’ 

Nicknames for each other: NO IDEA. this’ll have to come up during play cause i FEEL there’s gotta be three thousand nicknames somewhere but where. where are they. they will come i am certain!!

Who is more likely to pay for dinner: whoever gets their wallet out first. it’s a bit of a competition. dirk gets sneaky sometimes and distracts xeno with his pretty eyes and cheekbones then pays before xeno can blink. it’s his favorite thing.

Who steals the covers at night: xeno lmao. he’s not used to sharing the covers.

What would they get each other for gifts:

Who kissed who first: …….uncharted territory but prolly dirk. impulsively. he prolly thought ‘im gonna die anyway so i gotta’ and then was the most offended at the earth for not opening up and swallowing him whole immediately afterwards.

Who made the first move: u nch a r ted. ter rit ory.

Who remembers things: both. they watch each other closely. they pick up on cues and learn each other’s tells and remember things.

Who started the relationship: UN CHA RT ED.

Who cusses more: neither??????????? i can’t think of an instance where either of them cursed. i think dirk might if he was frustrated enough or something.

What would they do if the other one was hurt: they will find the reason and destroy it.

Who is the dirty talker: neither. lmao. xeno is a virgin and dirk is inexperienced. they giggle a lot while doing it anyway so like who even said they’re mature enough for that.

A head canon: at some point in dirk’s quest to set xeno and pandora together while pounding his stubborn emotions for xeno deep beneath ground level, he decides to teach him slow dancing. because it’s a skill any romantically inclined, respectable young man must learn, and because dirk is a good friend who will teach xeno this very important skill and will not let any stubborn, selfish feelings stop him from doing the right thing. and because he’d spent the last few weeks wondering what it would feel like to lay his hand on the other’s hip, thumb rubbing circles over cloth, fingers touching as he guides him through the dance.

it hurts. like stars have burst from within his belly, have set his insides aflame, have set his skin alight – it’s a beautiful pain and he would do it again. he knows this, resigned to the truth of his hopelessness, and as xeno’s lips stretch to a wide grin, dirk tries very hard not to kiss him. it’s the hardest thing he’s ever done.  

#( meme.) #( u kno i had too many feels to not do something about it. also that last hc is my fave ) #( xeno.)

[bitbraver]

Meta on Grover and food

send me shit 2 write meta abt.

okay…okay. y’know, we all joke about grover and food a lot, but. honestly? there’s a lot of things we can gather from grover just by his eating habits, which in and of itself really shows his character in this, like…certain light, you know? sure, there’s some humor to be found in how much he eats, but there is. a lot to it. and before you laugh and roll ur eyes, or say, “bane, that’s ridiculous”, i’m serious !!

to start off with something a little less dramatic, we know he’s a vegetarian. he’s fine with chowing down on dairy, and eggs are alright with him, but he is very not into the idea of eating meat. i mean, considering he’s a goat and…considered a delicacy in some places, plus he sorta can communicate with animals and is very, Very grossed out by the prospect of having something that was once alive and had a conscious in his stomach, yeah, no, i can understand.

what else can i say? well…let’s just make a small list of his favorite foods, yeah? just because we might as well.

that good raw n green shit (yes, he will eat these raw): apples, peaches, grapes, mango, avocado, watermelon, carrots, potatoes, tomatoes, broccoli, cucumber, bell peppers, parsnip, garlic.

MMM fuck yeah human food: cheese enchiladas, sour cream and onion pringles, quinoa, chana masala, literally any pasta that doesn’t have meet, pb&j, falafel, french fries, nachos and cheese, and any food sally makes bc lbr.

uuuuhhhhhhhhhh yeah i’ll pass: non-dryad tree bark bc he has some Respect, soda cans, hay (i know it’s for horses, but still), cardboard, cloth (furniture or clothing), grass, any thin metal or metal-like material he can bite through easily.

some of these sound kinda gross, and / or nonsensical, but hey, he’s not very picky. anyway —— moving on.

next off, he stress eats. he chews furniture, crunches down on tin, basically sinks his teeth into anything he’s capable of digesting. funny, right?? well. i mean. i guess. but also, not really? while the idea of him just randomly biting a fork in two and absentmindedly eating it when he’s stressing out might be humorous, it’s actually. just a teensy bit concerning when u think abt it tbh. like, he has to keep his jaw working and is only comforted when devouring anything in a 100 yard radius in situations that spark any kind of anxiety (i mean, he has other tics but we aren’t talking about those right now).

eating is one of his coping mechanisms. and considering how he’s stressed frequently, that. definitely isn’t healthy.

sure! he manages to keep a consistent weight and has an amazing digestive system and all, but seriously. when it gets to the point where he’s probably burst a pen open chewing on it bc he’s in a panic, it’s not good. i’m sorry if this is a weird mess because i literally cannot think of Words right now, but grover has an. extremely unhealthy relationship w food and him being constantly hungry + binging when stressed (n about ready to break his fucking teeth when doing it if he’s Messed Up enough) is not a good thing. tbh the more i think abt it the more Upset i get bc … grover ….. my son ………… please it’s okay i love you

like there’s nothing wrong with stress eating or anything like that, but?? again, i’m pretty sure grover has a near panic attack like, once a day, and . if he doesn’t get smth in his system it’s hard for him to calm down bc the Cronch distracts him from whatever it is that’s upsetting him n cools him down and that’s not a good habit to have, esp w how much he already eats and just ,, yeah this is trash this is a mess i’m so !!!!!!!

tldr; grover likes to eat to cope, and that’s hilarious until you realize the potential implications that follow that, and how bad it can be for him.

#amourdaughter #◜ answered ◞ ┊┊ from the voice of a fool! #◜ headcanons ◞ ┊┊ sort of his child! #UHHHH ASK TO TAG ????? #listen i got a lot of feelings on grover and food n v little of them are Good #but i’m like half awake and can’t think straight so i am so sorry for this ugly mess

[olafsdindins]

Michigan Lake Trout w/Garlic Butter Lemon Herb Sauce & Roasted Carrots, Parsnips & Fennel on the Side.

Here’s the recipe:

Ingredients (serves 2, takes just over 1 hour to make):

1lb Fresh Lake Trout Fillet, halved

4 Red Carrots

1 Large parsnip

1 Fennel Bulb, leaves removed (save them for later)

2 tablespoons Olive Oil

3 tablespoons Avocado Oil

3 Garlic cloves, finely chopped

Juice from 1/2 Lemon

2 tablespoons of the driest, but not expensive White Wine.

2 tablespoons fine Irish Butter

3 tablespoons Parsley, chopped.

3 tablespoons Herbs for seasoning: Thyme, Oregano, Parsley, Fennel leaves - all finely chopped and mixed - dried or fresh, whatever you got.

2 teaspoons finely grated Parmigiano-Reggiano cheese

Salt & Pepper to season fish & veg.

1 teaspoon paprika

sprinkle of cayenne pepper

Here’s how it’s done:

Preheat oven to 375.

Prep ingredients by chopping carrots and parsnips in half, then half the halves horizontally, then cut into 1.5 - 2 inch long strips. 

Cut fennel bulb into approx. 8 slices or wedges. I prefer wedges.

Lightly oil, using avocado oil, a glass baking dish large enough to comfortably hold the carrots and parsnips without them being piled on each other too much. Sprinkle 1 chopped garlic clove over the carrots and parsnips, then add salt and pepper, drizzle with avocado oil, mix together and bake, stirring once midway, for about 20 - 30 mins, or until they begin to brown ever so slightly. I like a bit of a crunch in my carrots and parsnips so I don’t let them get too tender, but if you prefer them softer, leave in the oven a little longer.

Once the carrots and parsnips are done, place into serving dish and cover. 

Use same baking dish for the fennel. Same seasoning here, except no garlic. Roast in oven for about 45 mins, until tender. Again, rotate the contents about half way through, and sprinkle on the grated parmesan. 

While the fennel is doing its thing in the oven, prep the fish. I like to do any fish/meat prep on a chopping board covered in parchment paper. Makes the clean-up much easier. 

Place the trout skin side down on the prep area, half the fillet horizontally, then sprinkle about 2 tablespoons of the seasoning mix evenly over the two halves.

Add a liberal dose of slat and pepper on top, then massage gently to make sure the seasonings become one with the fish... or something. Just a light rub will do. Don’t fuck up your fish.

Heat a large cast iron skillet at medium heat. Add about 2 tablespoons olive oil and allow to heat.

Add both halves of the fish fillet to the pan, skin side up and close together. Keep an eye on the heat because you want it hot enough to cook your fish, but not too hot that the oil begins to smoke and becomes carcinogenic. 

Cook for 3-5 mins, usually closer to 3 will do. Never press the fish down against the pan. And don’t lift it to check how it’s doing until after the 3 min mark.

Rotate fish skin side down for about 2-4 mins. The seasoned side should be lightly browned at this point. If not, give it a little longer skin side up. Feel free to add a little extra olive oil to the pan if it’s needed.

Remove from heat, cover, and allow to sit in pan for a further 5 mins.

Remove fish from pan and place in a dish skin side up. Remove the skin. Be careful moving the fish and removing the skin. It will have become very soft and delicate at this point. 

Set aside for now.

Now for the sauce: Return the same cast iron skillet to med-low heat and add lemon juice, remaining garlic, pinch of  salt and pepper and allow to simmer until garlic begins to soften. Add wine. 

Once the garlic is nice and soft, add the butter and remaining seasoning mix and leave to simmer until the butter has melted. 

Sprinkle in the paprika and cayenne and stir until everything is mixed. Remove from heat and allow to stand about 2 mins.

Add the fish back to the pan and sprinkle with chopped parsley.

Serve with either the same white wine or a more expensive one that you enjoy. I’m not really a white wine guy, so I’m happy enough finishing the bottle I used in the sauce. Oh, you might want to serve with a couple lemon wedges, though personally I was happy with the lemon content of the sauce and didn’t feel the need to add more.

Enjoy!

................................................................................................................................

Inspired by the recipes below:

Roasted Fennel with Parmesan on FoodNetwork

Trout with Garlic Lemon butter Herb Sauce on Julia’s Album

#dinner #recipe #cooking #dindins #olafsdindins #foodandwine #food #fish