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writertitan · 3 years

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Midnight Snacks

pairing: eren x reader

words: 2058

themes: college au, lots of fluff, eren being a little embarrassing with his gas station order

requested by anon

Finals week had both you and Eren on high alert and in high panic. Truth be told, you didn’t need to really worry that much; you had prepared yourself for this all semester and had really kept up with your workload. Mostly, you were just stressed about the finals themselves and how, well, final they were. And so close together. A gift and a curse. You’d be done before finals week was even over.

What really had you in a panic was Eren. The boy, bless his heart, was not apt for cramming. He’d kept up with his work like you had, but you knew him like the back of your hand; he was prone to leaving the harder things until the last minute.

You glanced at your phone to check the time as Eren flipped back and forth between a page in his biology textbook, grumbling to himself under his breath. It was almost 12:30 in the morning and both of you had been at it all night, cramming and rememorizing things just to be prepared, and Eren especially was deep in concentration. You smiled to yourself as you watched his brows furrow even more than they already were, a feat you thought impossible. Just as you set your phone down to continue your own last-minute preparations, Eren sat up straight with a growl and pushed his textbook off your bed with his knee.

“I feel like my head’s about to explode,” he complained, flopping over onto your lap. His eyes found yours immediately and he pouted as he reached up to stroke your cheek, then turned his head to glare at your textbook, as if personally offended by it, and pushed it off your bed to join his own.

“Eren,” you whined, about to push his head off your lap, but he stopped you by reaching both hands up to cup your face.

“C’mon, let’s just take a small break. We’re probably gonna be at this for a few more hours,” he said, fingers lightly caressing your jaw to entice you into going with his plan. You pondered it, then thought about arguing back with him about needing to study, but then realized he was probably right. All of this endless cramming with no break was just going to end up in you not retaining any of it.

“Just a small break,” you relented, giving him a warning stare. He sat up, much brighter now, and pulled you off your bed immediately. He stretched his legs out and then reached his arms up to the ceiling for a full body stretch, already in a better mood.

“Let’s go buy some snacks,” he suggested, wrapping an arm around your shoulders to pull you in. “That’ll help with the brain juice.”

You hated Eren’s term, brain juice, but you knew he had a point. You had to keep up your energy.

“Okay, let’s go to the vending machines and pick something out,” you said, moving to put some shoes on.

“There’s a convenience store just down the street, babe. Please can we go? Your dorm’s vending machines aren’t gonna cut it,” he said, the pout back again. You rolled your eyes playfully but again relented, happy to just get out of your dorm room for a second.

“Okay, fine. But you’re not supposed to be here, remember? It’s way past visiting hours. We have to be so sneaky,” you said, voice already lowering to a whisper. If you’re RA found out you’d been holing Eren up in your dorm well past 10pm, she was going to lose her mind.

Eren made a show of zipping his lips and acting stealthy, which made you snort. You grabbed his hand after putting on shoes and jackets, and carefully slipped out to start your trek to the convenience store.

You had to admit, it was a nice idea. And Eren was right, your vending machines didn’t hold a candle to all the other savory treats you really wanted.

The night was a little breezy, but the impending summer weather kept the spring chill at bay. Eren had your hand engulfed in his, fingers laced as he swung your hands lightly, other hand messing with his loose bun. The night wrapped around him beautifully, streetlights casting glows that defined the most handsome parts of his face.

He caught you staring after a minute of him being deep in thought, and you flashed him a mischievous grin which he returned.

“Take a picture, it’ll last longer,” he teased, the lame phrase making you giggle.

“Okay,” you said cheerily, which took him off guard. You pulled your hand from his and giggled again at his confusion, before moving to stand behind him, hands reaching up to grasp his shoulders and give a small tug to make him stop walking. He knew immediately what you were getting at and crouched down enough to let you hop on, catching you easily and gripping your thighs as you wrapped an arm around your shoulders. Your other hand reached into your pocket to pull out your phone and you wasted no time in pulling up the camera app, jutting your arm out so you could capture Eren’s face right next to yours, the two of you flashing cheesy and ridiculous smiles as you snapped the picture. The automatic flash activated due to the low lighting and Eren whined and blinked, squeezing his eyes shut as the flash went off.

When you looked at the end result, you showed Eren with a pleased laugh. You looked fine, all smiles and bright eyes. Eren, on the other hand, had blinked a little too soon. His eyes were shut, eyebrows raised, a dopey grin on his face that matched yours.

“Delete that,” he complained, letting go of one thigh to try to reach for your phone. You were too fast, however, and eased it back into your jacket pocket. “Babe, delete it!”

“Nope! That’s my new favorite picture of us.”

“I’m not buying you any snacks once we get there.”

A lie, completely. If anything, Eren would play the little devil on your shoulder and egg you on in just a few minutes, into making not-so-smart choices. Why choose between the chocolate and the gummies when you can have both?

You moved to hop off once you were in front of the store, but Eren’s grip tightened on your thighs. You angled your head to give him a confused glance, which he ignored, but he turned his head to peck your lips.

“We’ll be quick. You’ll be my hands,” he said, and you rolled your eyes at his words, but hid your big smile into his shoulder. You knew he could feel the way your lips turned up over the thin fabric of his jacket and even thinner shirt.

“Alright, what do you want?” you asked him, letting him lead you where you knew he’d go first: the Lunchables.

“Ham and cheese and crackers, please,” he requested, but you already knew that and were grabbing at it with one hand. He kissed your wrist as a thank you and then asked, “Okay, what are we getting you? The usual?”

“Yes, please,” you hummed, nuzzling into his neck as he made his way over to your preferred snack of choice. And, after grabbing two drinks, your hands absolutely full, you made your way to the counter to pay. The clerk gave you a bored look, not at all interested in the sight in front of him, and rang up your items slowly and announced your total.

A contest as always, you and Eren both reached for your wallets. He somehow managed to be quicker, mostly because you were trying your best not to lose your balance as you held onto him with one arm and fished around for money with the other, and you grumbled as he paid for both of you.

You held onto the bag as you exited the convenience store, again trying to hop off, and again being secured in place by Eren’s tight grip.

“Aren’t you getting tired?” you asked him, genuinely curious, but Eren nearly guffawed at the question.

“Are you joking? I wouldn’t even consider this a warm-up, babe. Carrying Jean’s blacked-out ass home after a party, though... that’ll make me break a sweat. I don’t know how he’s so fucking heavy.”

You giggled, vividly remembering one of those times, and you rested your head on Eren’s shoulder after letting a yawn slip out.

“I wish we didn’t have to go back to studying after this,” you pouted, pressing a pouty kiss into Eren’s shoulder. “I hate finals.”

“Let’s eat our snacks before we get back to it,” Eren compromised. “My brain still feels heavy with knowledge. I gotta let it soak it all up.”

“Always saying the weirdest things,” you teased him, squealing at the pinch on your thigh.

Sneaking up to your dorm room was as easy as sneaking out, and you pulled Eren for a quick kiss as soon as the door locked behind you. You tossed the bag onto your bed and then began fishing your snacks out once your shoes and jacket were off and you were both able to situate more comfortably on your bed. Eren held you in his lap as he leaned back against your wall and browsed through his phone, the two of you watching dumb compliations on YouTube while you snacked. It was nice to turn your brain off just for a while, to rest up and come back to studying rejuvenated.

His hand would occasionally sneak up your neck and grab at your hair, lightly massaging your scalp as he pressed tender kisses to your temple. You shared your snacks and really took your time with finishing, letting yourselves soak in your study break.

“Thanks for making me take a break,” you told him, leaning your head back against his chest. “I forget sometimes.”

“I know you do,” Eren chuckled, squeezing you into a hug and pressing you into his chest even more. He noticed yet another suppressed yawn from you and hummed in acknowledgement, and you knew what he was going to say before he said it.

“I can’t go to sleep, I have to keep studying,” you said, beating him to it.

“You’re studying for your final tomorrow and it’s not even until noon. You know a really important habit before taking a big test is to get enough sleep before it.”

Damn it. You hated when he used logic against you.

“Fine, but just a nap,” you grumbled, sitting up to grab at your trash and discard it in your bin. You set an alarm and gave Eren a tired smile. “I’m gonna drag you down with me, though. You need to sleep too.”

Eren scoffed, his voice a little panicked when he spoke again. “No way. Unlike you, I have to cram. I’m nowhere near ready for my final tomorrow.”

“Yours isn’t until the afternoon,” you pointed out, hitting him back with the logic he’d used on you. “Like you said, a good habit is to get plenty of sleep before a test.”

Eren sighed, but you could tell he wasn’t going to argue with you. He looked just as tired as you and the two of you arranged yourselves in your cramped bed to doze off, if only for a little bit.

His hands found your hair and he played with it softly as you both curled up into one another.

“Love you,” he murmured, drowsy already, and you smiled to yourself, head on his chest with your hand tracing loving circles at his torso.

“Love you too,” you answered, warming at the soft touch of his hand on your chin. He tilted your head up to steal a quick kiss to your lips, then to your nose. You closed your eyes and let yourself relax, about to really drift off when you felt Eren shift under you.

Your ears picked up the quiet sounds of Eren taking your phone from your nightstand. You peeked an eye open, careful to stay quiet lest you arouse suspicion, and resisted the urge to let a huge grin overcome you as you watched him go to your camera roll, tap on the ridiculous picture you’d taken earlier, and send it to himself.

#i had to reveal my random hc of eren liking lunchables i'm so sorry #eren x reader #eren yaeger x you #eren yaeger x reader #eren yaegar #eren #eren fanfiction #eren fluff #aot fanfiction #aot oneshots #eren jaeger #eren jaeger x reader #eren jaeger x you #aot #snk eren #snk fanfiction #snk

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aleatoryalarmalligator · 7 years

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life story part 23

Going up to north Idaho that winter was one of the few things I really enjoyed. Somehow, I didn't get bored up there. My mom got me this old fashioned clickety click type writer and I would just sit around and write all day. It snows hard and constantly up there in the winters. The sights were lovely. After school on Fridays, and during winter break, I would endure the three and a half hour drive up there to be in my grandpa Roy's mountain cottage. I would write and draw, and I found some occult books that I started to read. I was especially fascinated with Aleister Crowley I remember. I didn't obviously have access to his books or anything, just his life story and some statements he made. I think, even though I am not all that big on the guy now, that he might have been a gateway for me to really actually begin questioning reality. I mean, naturally, I have always been very much in my own mind. I had questioned a lot about life before, but this was sort of different. I think it made me interested more so in the way the world works that lead me to be interested in consciousness, the human mind, things like that.

I also started studying Arthurian Legends. It was difficult to understand some of the stories that are in the original book of Arthurian Legends. I got through it though. I made this anime in my mind that revolved around king Arthur, and I was drawing that a lot. In school, we had to read The Outsiders and That Was Then This Is Now. I remember being pretty heartbroken about the later. A comic book shop had opened up in Moscow, and we all swarmed up there to get anime stuff, which we were all very excited about. When we got up there, my friends went towards things they knew they liked. Katie was in love with InuYasha I think. For some reason, I ended up in the vintage anime section, and I ended up buying this really strange comic called Mya the Psychic Girl. My friends thought that the anime was bad, and I grew to be embarrassed that I had picked this out at random, but on looking back, I actually think the art was really good. The story was -eh, but I am actually pleased that went for something a little different.

Going up north, I was removed from my own identity. There was always a fire in the fireplace, and as I would sit there and draw, the dogs, all three, Chester, Tasha and Pepsi would all gather around me to snuggle. There was endless amounts of food to eat in the freezer. I also found this stash of my grandpa Roy's pickled garlic – something he must have enjoyed in life because he had an entire shelf of it. I ate a lot of this. Roxanne also for some reason on one of her spending sprees would buy these enormous boxes of Valentine's day chocolates, and eggnog. This caused me gain a lot of weight. At my dad's as well, I was secretly buying cookie dough and tubs of frosting and eating them straight. I would end up hiding them under my bed when my dad came home, and if I didn't finish them, they would rot. I had to dispose of the waste and this strange pattern of eating horribly and feeling shame set in. I would never/ could never do this now not only because it is terrible, but it is also gross. I had not yet reached the total awareness that eating had any connection to weight gain. Around me, there was a lot of stuff going on that wasn't good. There would be twenty to thirty people who were driving up to find Roxanne to spend her money, and she was gullibly giving it all away, all 90,000 of it. Drugs were everywhere. The whole thing was a mess, and a temporary convenience that was sure to fall apart at any moment.

Roxanne and my mom found out that I was wearing five bras – one on top of the other because they were all training bras and were not in themselves adequate in the job they were supposed to be doing. So, Roxanne was nice enough, despite being high as a kite, to drive me all the way to Post Falls, and at the time I was blown away by the first Super Walmart I had ever been in. She bought me a bunch of stuff I really needed, make up, hair stuff, a hoodie to keep warm, bras and underwear. My dad didn't really get me that stuff even though he had the money to. Roxanne, even as high on meth as she was really helped me during this time. We would also drive around from gas station to gas station going to the sticker machines and she would give me absurd amounts of money to try and get me as many stickers as I could. We would drive around late at night, buying out the machines – which caused me to have a big collection of venting machine stickers that I don't have anymore but wish that I did.

The grandest and most memorable thing of this time for me, was going to the theaters and watching Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers. We went with my grandma Marie, my sisters, my mom and a my younger siblings. I honestly at the time thought that it was absolutely the best movie I had ever seen. I was on the edge of my seat. I remember every single aspect of it seemed amazing to me and perfect in every way. Though, now on looking back, I mean, it's okay. I am no longer that into the movies, and to be honest, I am not super into Lord of the Rings. But I mean, back then, that movie coming out had this major impact on me. I remember leaving the theaters feeling better than I had ever felt. It even made Kyle seem kind of distant and lame.

The worst time I had though was one night, I was waiting with Allison, and my mom had left with David. They were supposed to be back in two hours. Five hours went by, and I started to panic. I tried calling her on her humongous cellphone but given that we were too far out in the woods, I could not really reach her. Something switched in my mind, and in my mind, I knew that my mom and David were dead. I began crying out in despair. Another five hours went by. I had been hyperventilating. I had this perfect understanding by that point that the two of them were dead. I began throwing up. I could barely breath. I can't remember most of it, only that I was certain they had died. My mind was very lucid, and I could have been convinced of nearly anything. When finally, my mom and little brother did show up around three or so in the morning, I was at a loss. They had just stayed at my uncle Rusty's a little longer than normal. I tried to explain to them how I had known they were dead, and it was just like 'eh, well we aren't.' This was not my first panic attack, but this was in a way one of the first times where I could definitely point out that I alone had a way of mentally overreacting to my own thoughts. I try to take this side of me into account when I am upset. I have to remember that if I let my mind spin out of control, I can distort my own reality and do some pretty extreme stuff.

As anyone would guess, this arrangement in my grandpa's place did not last. My oldest sister Maria was there at my grandpa's home initially, but due to the poor relationship she has with our mom, there was a big fight. They had both been aggravating one another in ways that were unnecessary to me, but it was my dear old mom was actually really the vicious one. My mom has always been abusive towards Maria. Since Maria had had that panic attack that year, she had this big scar on her head from where she slammed her head into that can of green beans. In this fight between them, my mom grabbed a can of green beans and told Maria to bash her brains out on this can, and to go ahead and kill herself and do everyone a favor. It was extremely cruel, just a twist of the knife that made me sick in it's tone and how she meant it, and I was sickened by her. She always seemed hungover and moody. And to see this exchange go down – I watched something behind Maria's eyes crumple, and my mom had this bloodlust in her eyes like she really would like to see Maria die. I cried out 'MOM, WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU?!?' but she ignored me. Maria packed up Jasmine and baby Ian and went to Florida shortly after with Earl, whom she hated.

Then, sometime after I stopped going up there as well, as much as I loved being snowed in. Roxanne and I were in the house. My dad was coming to pick me up to take me back down to Kendrick to spend some of my winter vacation with my Uncle Bob who had flown up to see everybody, potentially go to Red River Hot Springs, and go to some kind of Christmas party with Jodi's family. As I was waiting, Roxanne was getting drunk on hard liquor and taking pills. I didn't know this, and it seemed to come upon her suddenly. We were just talking and hanging out, and suddenly she started telling me I was pathetic. I got confused. She started saying that if I didn't invite Kyle to stay up here during the weekends, than I was worthless. I tried to explain that under the circumstance and how close I was to Kyle, that that was absolutely crazy and sure to get a strong rejection. She started then screaming at me saying I was a ugly little bitch. I got teary eyed, and then kind of realized fully that she was drunk and high. I had absolutely no idea why she even did this to herself. She seemed suddenly quite miserable. She ran into the bathroom and began puking. My ride came and I left and decided that I wasn't going to go up there anymore. The drugs were starting to make people mean. Roxanne remembers saying none of this to me.

Jodi's family's Christmas party was long and boring. It was just a bunch of adults I had never met. I wasn't cute enough for them to be of any interest. There was a gift exchange. I ended up getting gifts from this crazy great aunt of Jodi's who was in a nursing home somewhere whom I never once met. Everyone seemed to silently agree that her gifts were the worst. We all took turns opening the presents. This crazy aunt's gifts were not all that bad though – for me at least. She got me this porcelain doll with this really fucked up look on it's face, with eyes bulging out. It was actually pretty cool, and where on earth did she find this doll? The second thing I received was this jukebox alarm clock. I didn't like it at first, but after awhile, I began having this appreciation for the oldies more so because of it.

I ended up skipping going with my dad, Jodi, Jessie and Allison and David to Red River Hot Springs. I loved that place and it was of course enchanting and all that good stuff, but I wanted to be alone in the house more. I wanted to charge food at the store, and just sit around and read and be alone for a few days. I felt really awkward going anywhere with them. So I pretended that I had the stomach flu. They left without me and I watched them go. And then, inn a strange turn of events though, I ended up legitimately getting the stomach flu. So perhaps it was better I had not gone after all.

I got better and I got to be alone like I had wanted. I heard Kyle going sledding one night, and seeing that my room had this big prominent front window that looked down over the street, I wanted to spy on him, but I didn't want to be noticed. So I sort of ducked and watched him. This behavior seems so ridiculous to me now, and I cannot imagine doing this at all, or even wanting to. In the process of doing this, funniest thing happened. As I was looking down and spying on him as he and his friend were getting their sled ready, I ducked before they saw me, and I think his friend noticed and said something. They watched for awhile looking up at my window, and I tried nervously to not move at all.. But then, Pepsi came to the window, and she looked at them intently and began howling like a coyote. I tried to stop her, but she would not be dissuaded. She howled for ten minutes. I had no idea what had gotten into her.

I had asked for a lot of empty tape cassettes for Christmas. I was getting for some reason obsessed with the radio. I had noticed over the years that songs stopped being played on the popular radio stations as new hits kept coming in, and I never got to hear them again. I didn't have money to buy albums, if there was a way to easily access them on the internet I didn't know how to do that. I have always been an obsessive archivist. I like collecting objects, noting small details. I try to write everything down even if I never put it online. I want to own music on my computer that I don't even like. I have about 100,000 songs on my computer. I like connecting small occurrences with major events. I try to take note of small details – while often times missing big obvious ones. I try to spin this comprehensive web, and I try to organize everything. Which leads to me forgetting about everything around me.

So, I go these tapes to tape the radio, hours and hours alone. I decided that somehow I was going to collect every single song I heard. I went through tapes and tapes. Then my tape deck stopped working to record the radio, and I had to get an individual tape recorder and set it close to the radio, which created weird static faraway sounding versions of the originals. I was up most nights doing this. I would listen over the tapes, and the entire vibe of these songs gave me this cold chill. I also started feeling like there was more to music than what I had always listened to on the pop radio station. There had to be more than Shakira, Sum 41 and all that. I eventually tuned into the AM stations, which I had never done before. And I got sucked in to these distant recordings that were probably being broadcast over 100 miles away.

This feeling in and of itself caused/ still causes my heart to get this imploding feeling. I found these Mexican radio stations that broke my brain. It sounded like a mariachi band playing from hell. The sound of scratchy faraway sad obscure tunes from the 50's. Some of them were even sixties songs. It felt like some distant memory of a party in sixties where someone overdosed and was forgotten. There was a radio station that played very old country, and occasionally Art Bell would be on. It felt like something was being dragged out of me and I have never been the same. It wasn't pleasant, but it was still good. Sometimes, I would listen to the static with some inaudible preacher ranting. I could not hear it all, but the feelings I got from it was eerie, and made me feel more alive. After doing this for a few months, I stopped listening to pop music. It was no longer good enough for me. It sounded hollow and plastic. The feelings that were generally conveyed were very cheap. Not that there is anything wrong with that. But it's like if you were only aware of the top layers of the ocean where everything is more or less understandable and safe. But things go much deeper, and most people aren't really aware of that.

I had also asked for a few CD's for Christmas. My friends were all really into Avril Lavigne, so I bought that album. I secretly hated it, and it made me feel kind of sick, but for some reason since my friends liked it, I was unable to contemplate not liking it myself. I did eventually give up listening to it though. And then I got this Los Ketchup album, which is this ridiculous girl group from Mexico that did this song that was popular for awhile called The Ketchup Song. I thought that song was just great when I was younger. And I actually listened that silly album a lot.

Jodi had convinced my dad to get Dish. So I started watching a lot of music videos whenever no one was home. Music was becoming my world. MTV by this time had just been taken over by reality television, which never appealed to me. So I spent more time on MTV2 and VH1 (which both eventually were also taken over by reality TV). I stopped going to school whenever possible so I could watch I Love the 80's, and music videos. I really was getting into the 80's music videos. I felt like there was this alternative world in the 80's that never changed. Spandex were always in, Bizarre Love Triangle was always playing. It had this surreal darkness around it. And I was very lost. It had just gotten to this point where I couldn't go to school. One day, I was ready to go and everything. I was even going to be on time. But then this rush of anxiety hit me and I passed out. I couldn't really keep doing this at all. My dad and Jodi were fighting by this time, so I was able to stay home without him noticing. He was never home when the school called. And before there was caller ID, you just used your senses to know who was calling. I always knew it was my school, or if it was a friend. You could just hear something between the rings. I think a lot of people know what I mean by that, but it's hard to explain exactly.

I started dressing differently, and putting my make up on differently than my friends. I dressed in black as much as I could. Somewhere, I had seen a picture of Robert Smith, probably on VH1 eighties hour. I didn't know who The Cure was, but I loved his make up and I wanted to emulate that style. I would usually walk to the school when it got out to greet my friends. I was there maybe half the time, and only because my dad would be home that day. Sarah once asked me why it was that I dressed all in black. I responded that it was the way I felt inside. Which, on retrospect is so cliché. I meant it though and had no idea that I was doing something that had been said and done before, and at the time that seemed really profound to my friends. I also loved watching The Breakfast Club. Today, I have problems with this movie because I don't like the way that the weird girl has to change her look to be acceptable to Emilio Estevez's character. It is actually quite a slap in the face to my kind. But I loved that movie, and would watch it every time it was on television.

My dad just didn't know what to do with me. He decided that he would have Jodi take me to get a makeover at the mall. I think he was hoping to get me more into being into normal 'woman things'. Nobody understood why I taped hours of the radio or had drastically changed my attire, or reading books on horoscopes and the occult. I think a lot of people have thought it was some kind of a faze, but it wasn't really. I mean, I have changed my look over time for sure, limiting some things and expanding others, but overall, this change was honestly one of the first things I had done that set me apart from everyone else and felt more true to myself. The same with the music I was listening to and everything else. For years I had been trying desperately to fit into a certain image, with this dull unsaid promise that everything would be okay, if I could only be like everyone else. But embracing what I liked, I think actually made me a lot healthier. Sure, I was a terrible student. But I started crying less and less because Kyle didn't like me.

The make over was lame. The girl who did my make up was really subtly rude to me. She seemed uncomfortable with touching my face because of my zits, even though my face had been cleaned. She told me I had ugly eyebrows and eyelashes. My eyelashes are really small and light colored, despite having very course dark hair. I think it's because I am part Swedish. They put such light colors on me that it didn't really make me look that different. Everyone was expecting that I would look like a new person when I got home. I could see the disappointment on their faces. I actually did my make up better on my own. The black stuff looked better.

My dad also tried to get me glasses. I feel badly about this, since it was a waste of his money. By this time, I was absolutely blind as a bat, probably genetic since neither of my parents can see well, but maybe due in part to all the times I had pressed my eyes as hard as I could to watch the colors, lights and images that my brain produced. Or maybe all the times I had stared into the sun just a little too long. I went to the eye doctor, and against my wishes, I picked out some glasses. They were very expensive. I thought glasses on women were ugly at the time, perhaps my own internalized sexism against myself at work. So once I had gotten these glasses, I intentionally broke them one day so I would never have to wear them. I didn't want people thinking I was ugly. And looking back, I do feel bad.

There was a winter dance that January. I ended up going. It was the first dance I had ever been to. I was really nervous. Mostly, I stood off to the side. My friends had started hanging out with this girl named Ava. Ava had been popular, but she was a lot different than the other girls, so she had decided to jump the group and moved on over to my group which seemed like a lot more fun. She was really outgoing and forward. I hadn't really talked to her much yet but she had found out that I liked Kyle and she was bold and kind of did her own thing so she intended on asking if guys would dance with all of us, including, and maybe especially me. She did not understand my hesitation at all. We were entirely different in that way, and she didn't understand the lengths I took or how I overthought things. She was going to go straight over to Kyle and ask him on my behalf without my permission. She told me she was going to ask him whether I liked it or not. I was shocked. I begged her not to. So, exasperated, she instead asked Andrew (boy who spit gum on my seat the previous year) if he would dance with me. He said yes. I have no idea if I danced correctly. I do remember that I was actually really happy. It wasn't bad at all. I didn't like Andrew like that, but it was actually really nice to just dance with boys. It gave me this tingling feeling in my head – which didn't last because I didn't have any real feelings for them.

Eventually I did dance with Kyle. I could not believe he had said yes. I really admired Ava for having demonstrated to me that I could do things like that. I don't even remember the actual dance. I was so overwhelmed and happy, but it seemed to go well (I mean, this was a lame small town junior high dance, so if you take that into consideration). I remember the song we danced to was some slow Usher song. My friends all danced with other guys. I was so excited that after dancing with Kyle, I went straight into the girls' bathroom and slid down the wall. In order to prevent myself from smelling like sweat, I had soaked my arm pits with perfume. The perfume was burning my skin terribly. Despite this, I could not feel any of the painful rash. I was shaking. Suddenly, a bunch of popular girls went into

the bathroom and surrounded me. They started asking me if I had a crush on Kyle. They said they could just tell. I denied it meekly, re situating my appearance of being on the floor to make it seem more casual and less like someone who was so happy they could not walk. They kind of tried to let me know that he was Kayla's, and to leave him alone. I acted like I didn't care.

PART 22 - http://tinyurl.com/yat6cfnw

PART 21 - http://tinyurl.com/y783egno

PART 20 - http://tinyurl.com/y8jskymt

PART 19 - http://tinyurl.com/rfhbms8

PART 18 - http://tinyurl.com/ycrznrwk

PART 17 - http://tinyurl.com/y77unlng

PART 16 - http://tinyurl.com/yadpsv8c

PART 15 - http://tinyurl.com/yb3lt6k5

PART 14 - http://tinyurl.com/yb4cfedq

PART 13 - http://tinyurl.com/yalanq9s

PART 12 - http://tinyurl.com/yc79mw94

PART 11 - http://tinyurl.com/yc9qhj84

PART 10 - http://tinyurl.com/yb734w24

PART 9 - http://tinyurl.com/yc2t6vfw

PART 8 - http://tinyurl.com/ybl37utq

PART 7 - http://tinyurl.com/ybvo283g

PART 6 - http://tinyurl.com/kbc9dwu

PART 5 - http://tinyurl.com/msnz4am

PART 4 - http://tinyurl.com/k9x8esg

PART 3 - http://tinyurl.com/mwp9atx

PART 2 - http://tinyurl.com/lbt6xq2

PART 1 - http://tinyurl.com/l8xbvg8

#text

18 notes · View notes