#New crack otp meet ugly just dropped

[cosmicpeko]

Tool ㅡ Chapter 1: Rage

Word count: 1,071

OTP: Fuyuhiko Kuzuryu x Peko Pekoyama | Danganronpa 2

Story type: fanfiction

Short summary: Peko Pekoyama dives into her most precious memories in an intimate journey to self-love, trying to live with emotions she can’t control and to discover what is like to be a real person. More notes at the end.

Read on AO3

ㅡ

My voice repeats: I am a tool. I was brought to this world to be by his side; I shall fulfill my purpose.

Mid-march rain falls on a wet wooden floorboard. Semi-open sliding door of the minka house hidden in the woods allows the wind to enter between the internal walls, run under the furniture, play with the paper on the floor ㅡ it untidies the room.

It caresses blonde hair. Freckles expose to the water ㅡ silky smooth skin becomes its path down to the pointy chin, through the neck, hides in the collarbones. Drops rest on his lips, tongue catches them, it drinks. He's smiling. He's relaxing every muscle of his body. He's resting ㅡ he's letting go. He breathes deeply. "I love rainy days. It feels like time stops for a while. Doesn't it, Peko?" A calling voice awakens my thoughts. Head raises, shoulders tighten. Humidity hurts my bones, angers my bruises. "It does indeed, Young Master." Red eyes wandering to finally meet hesitant green ㅡ I shall converse more, he demands, silently, as he keeps his gaze on me. I apologize. "...It feels like the sky is in a rage, too, though slowly but surely, it will pass. It has a rash temper, and it needs to let its anger go, then eventually, it manages to stop. Sometimes, it calms itself immediately, sometimes it destroys everything that falls victim under his reign. Mother Nature gave it immense power over us." Green eyes look delighted. Sweet humming slips from his still-smiling mouth. "You always get this poetic, dontcha? It's a women thing, you give them nothing, they play with words around it until they done covering it in fuckin' pink and flowers." He laughs. "How are you even 18? You sound like a nostalgic granny." I do not know what being poetic means. I happen to imagine inanimated objects embody different personalities. My Master ㅡ he reminds me of the sky. Every mood he owns is similar to its changes. He is calm and still like a summer night, he is impulsive like a storm. He is cheerful and fresh like a newborn sunrise, yet he is pained and melanchonic like a dying sunset. I've lived enough to see them all. "Does it hurt?" I am unworthy of his worried touch. But I don't dare to move. "It does not, Young Master." "Peko- you're literally a whole purple thing. Not even a mashed sweet potato looks this ugly." "I do not feel pain, Young Master. I live to serve you at my fullest - I need to be trained." Careless fingers gently press over the darkest spots on my left arm, then retreat, as he searches for even little hisses or whimpers of mine. Not one sound leaves me ㅡ I learned how to control myself with time. But I can still feel it ㅡ broken bamboo swords echoe inside my ribcage. Pristine fists turning purple and blue. Heart broken. Soul stronger. "Fine," his figure rises again and stands tall in front of mine. Distress contained in a self-hug, "I know this is your job and all, but please, don't push yourself too much. You are already strong enough. Just yesterday, you beat the shit out of that asshole at the pub like he was planning to destroy the world." "I do not deserve your worry, Young Master." "Peko, I said quit that "Young Master" shit-" he stops, suddenly, eating his own breath. I cannot decipher what is that is eating the perfect green of his iris as his gaze locks into mine. Something I never quite encountered before. Rage ㅡ but not the same as the sky's, nor the storm. Something different. Hot wind of the desert, carrying sand and flames. Burning hills. Searing gardens.

I am ashamed of how long I have been staring into my Master's eyes.

Hands rub together, trying to reduce the silence into a paste of aching shame, cold sweat, shivers ㅡ quickening heartbeats. "Fuckin' quit it, Peko." he repeats, voice calm and still. Summer night. "We agreed on it since we're starting school together again. I asked you kindly - this is starting to feel like I'm commanding you and I do not. Want. This shit. Got it?" Composure fights distress in an internal war I do not desire nor understand. I am still capable of holding myself back. "Yes-" tongue plummets in my throat "yes." "My fucking name, Peko." More heartbeats. Uneasiness. Silence. Composure. "I said what's my name, Peko." Head rises. Eyeballs tremble. Rain drips through blonde hair, through freckles, through silky smooth skin. The wind stopped cutting my cheekbones. "Young Master." Quick steps and pace ㅡ few seconds pass before his skinny figure starts rushing towards me. Red eyes follow instinctively like those of a fox preying on a rabbit in the snow, hands steady, knees firm. Last breath, a millisecond. Hold. He does not attack me. Instead, he kicks the wall behind me, where my back was laying, seeking relatively satisfying rest. I do not move, but I quiver. He retreats, then shouts. "My fucking name, Pekoyama!!!" Mind goes blank. Ringing sounds conquer my eardrums in a blink of time.

"Yes, Fuyuhiko!!! For God's sake!!!"

A growl leaves with the wind, scratches my throat and steals my breath. Every wall of the minka house shakes as I step upwards, stand taller than him, confront him unconsciously head-on. Teeth unraveled like fangs.

"When did you lose yourself, tool?" I want to know. When did I first witness my balance crumble. When did I allow emotions to get the best of me. How. How did I lose track of my inner being. "Don't you ever forget your life's only purpose. You don't get to have any other meaning than that."

How dare I confront my Master like that.

Instead, something is born anew through his face. Simultaneously. Fresh and wet sunrise across shiny lashes. He saw me, getting weaker under his command for the first time. He knows something I don't know. He sees something I don't see. He cracked me open.

Delicious chuckles flourish beneath his teeth. "Let's go," abstract flowers crown his newborn smile, perfume so numbing, "I want to go deer hunting last time 'fore we join a brand new hellhole." The distance between us increases as he runs outside the safe perimeter, completely run over by pouring rain.

He holds the keys to my soul.

ㅡ

So hello again. I really hope you liked this first chapter! More are to come. Peko is an extremely fascinating character to me and I can’t wait to dig into her a bit more and let you meet my version of her personality! This was heavily inspired by @thewildwilds beautiful art. 

A special thanks to her, who indirectly taught me to love Kuzupeko in a brand new way - I’m so obsessed with them. (I also really hope she sees this ,,)

#danganronpa #danganronpa2 #fanfiction #kuzupeko #fuyuhiko kuzuryu #peko pekoyama #romance #otp #a little poetic but it's just my style #also ily ahn #notice me senpai

[thefangirlslair]

FIRE (A Touken One-Shot Fanfiction)

Note: This is my very first fic so please bear with me. This is a work of fiction so I hope you understand if ever there is flaw with the plot with regards to the original source which is the manga itself. There might be grammatical errors as well so sorry in advance. Please, if ever you’re just a hater of this ship or the fandom or Ishida or just life in general, leave the premises, thank you. Hahaha!

This is actually made just for myself coz I want to. So y'all actually can’t do anything about this shit. Lol. But I wanted to share this to my co-shippers because I’m a bit proud with this one and this is my first. This is how I would want and have imagined the story will go, if only I was Ishida-sensei. But I trust him tremendously. I love that man. He made our OTP canon as fuck! Fucking hell yes!!!

Finished this after 7hrs and a few hours before the next chapter, this is how I imagine would happen after Chapter 130. Enjoy and thank you for reading! I would love to hear your comments and suggestions. Love lots! Xo

IMPORTANT PS. This is the new tumblog that I made for my fangirl moments. So this is where I will fangirl hard on TouKen and the rest of Tokyo Ghoul :Re, and the other manga’s that I read, and the other things that I really love. Thank you! FOLLOW ME!!!

PPS. SORRY FOR THIS LONG ASS NOTE. —–

Touken Pairing (5,052 words)

A Poor Attempt at Writing Fics TouKen Edition I

Fire

If there’s one word to describe his feeling, it’s definitely this: fire. He feels like his whole body, heart and soul are burning in a hot, blaring fire. Kaneki never really felt like this before. Not until he saw what happened to Touka.

The said girl is sitting with her head down, obviously in pain. She’s clutching her right arm with her left hand and biting her lip to supress her groan because of her injuries. Fortunately, she only got few cuts in her arms, legs and face. But she hit her head while dodging her opponent’s attack so she feels a little dizzy.

Kaneki continues to seethe internally so he wouldn’t have to take his anger on Touka in full force. They’re in his room in their base at the underground located at the 24th ward.

—– After the fight, he immediately took Touka’s unconscious body to escape the scene. He didn’t want to risk being found by the back-up teams heading their way. He took a little damage since his body can’t heal properly but he managed to carry Touka all the way to their base, even in his worried state. He almost thought Touka’s dead while holding her in his arms. He felt so helpless and scared for her life. He had never felt so weak.

Entering their base, they were immediately surrounded by few Goat members including Tsukiyama, Nishio, Naki and Miza. Hirako also went up to them to check what happened. He shouted to ask if someone could check on Touka’s condition while laying her somewhere safe. He was ushered away by Tsukiyama to check on his head for there is a slight gash on the side of it, bleeding slightly. Tsukiyama tend to his wounds and he silently welcome the sting of it while never taking his eyes off Touka being treated by Nishio.

Nishio quickly went to her side and checked her limp form. He was a pharmaceutical student, but he knows a few things about medical stuff, thanks to his human ex-girlfriend, Kimi. He noticed that there was a quite deep wound in her right arm and few cuts and bruises all over her arms and face. Her legs have bruises and cuts too but nothing deep and serious. He checked for broken bones and discovered none. Other than that, there’s nothing to worry about. He cleaned the wounds and put bandages on them, and told Kaneki that she would be fine. She probably lost consciousness because of her current body condition.

A forbidden image of Touka receiving what she asked of him comes to mind. He remembered his curiosity when she asked him to buy human food. But then, it’s not his place to ask questions so he did what she asked. Besides, she asked him quite nicely. That was unusual of her. He told Kaneki that Touka was just exhausted and probably wake up in a few hours. He did not tell him anything else.

Kaneki breathed a sigh of relief. He immediately picked up Touka and carried her all the way to his room where he laid her down on his bed. He knows that Touka is strong. Hell, she’s one of the strongest people he ever met in his life and it’s not just as a ghoul, but as a person. Her personality and her whole being just screams braveness. But the fear of losing her because of his incapability to protect her overwhelms him every time. He’s the One Eyed King and yet, he still can’t protect the ones he care about; the ones who depend on him; the ones he love.

—– Seeing her right now, finally awake and looking down while hiding her pain from him, infuriated him more. Only God knows if it’s at Mutsuki who’s the sole reason of all this, at Touka because she’s as reckless as him, or at himself for being such an idiot. He should’ve burned the report regarding Yoriko’s death sentence. He knew it was wrong that he kept it from Touka but he just wanted her to be able to take care of herself. Especially now that he’s aware of her condition. She haven’t said a thing about it but he already have his suspicions right after his talk with Nishio, and it further strengthened when he saw her calendar and was literally thrown out of her room.

Kaneki stopped pacing back and forth and just focused on Touka. He wanted to say a lot of things. But his current burning feeling doesn’t help. Instead he quietly said, “You scared me.”

He finally saw Touka lift her head and their eyes locked. Her wide, suprised ones to his fearful and angry orbs. Slowly, his gaze went from her eyes down to her nose, and lips, and chin. His eyes roaming around her face, noticing purple bruises and ugly cuts on her cheeks and the corner of her lip. His gaze slowly going down, down, down; to her neck, her chest and her arms. Her long sleeved shirt and her tights were torn all over the place when he carried her so when Nishio finished her bandages and they’re in his room, he took off her torn shirt and her ripped tights and gently put her in his white t-shirt. It was too big for her so it covered half of her body, ending just in the middle of her thighs.

If not in their current situation and his mild rage inside him, he would’ve been aroused by her image – her hair messed up, her eyes wide drinking him in, her lips a pinkish color beside the small bruise on the corner of her mouth.

Touka in his clothes.

He committed this image to memory to think about when he misses her, a few rooms away from him every night. But his eyes flew to her thighs and saw cuts, her knee scraped, and a gash on her leg. He saw her consciously try to conceal them from his eyes and he saw her writhe in pain from moving. Her whole body aches and it can be seen clearly from her face. His anger went on another level. Touka clutching her deeply wounded arm did not help at all.

He continued, saying his words a little louder because of anger, with his voice a bit shaky and breathy at once, “You fucking scared me, Touka-chan.”

He lessen the blow of his remark with that suffix following her name but inside he wanted to scream. And it’s already evident in his voice when he continued to speak.

“How could you risk your life like that? How could you follow me knowing that it would be dangerous? How could you fight Aura in your condition?! Do you know how frightened I was when I saw you there?! I knew you were right here, safe and sound, and suddenly you appeared there and didn’t think about yourself! You should’ve trusted me! I know I could save Yoriko myse-”

At that remark, he saw Touka’s eyes flashed with anger and suddenly Kaneki’s heart lurched. He have never seen her this way before and his words got stuck in his throat until he heard her talk.

“Yoriko is my friend,” Touka said with her voice hushed laced with venom. Directing her eyes back at Kaneki’s, she continued, “Do you expect me to just sit here and wait for her to die? Do you expect me to just watch until the news of her death suddenly break me?” Her voice cracked a little, and Kaneki felt his heart did too.

“And what about you? Do you expect me to just do nothing while you risk your life? Alone? For fuck’s sake, Kaneki! Why do you always do this to yourself?!” Her eyes suddenly filled with angry and frustrated tears. Her voice dropped down a few notch until it’s almost like an anguished whisper, “Why do you always do this to me?”

Kaneki stood there, feeling his anger wane a little, but the fire remains. Whether it’s the fire of rage or fire of fear or maybe the fire of love, he doesn’t even know anymore. All he could see is Touka’s tears starting to form in her eyes, staring defiantly at him. His heart dropped as a tear did as well, spilling across her injured cheek.

He always thought Furuta and his games will be the death of him. Maybe his hunger or his recklessness. But now he realized that perhaps Touka’s tears will be his ultimate demise.

She took a deep breath and wiped away the tear from her cheek. She composed herself before opening her mouth to speak, “I know it was reckless. And I know you only meant good. But she is important to me and I would do everything I can to save her. You would’ve done the same if you were in my shoes.”

And then she added quietly, “I would’ve done the same thing over and over again.. just like I would if you were taken away by anyone.”

He put his hand over his heart by then, feeling like something squeezed it. Kaneki continues to stand there across from her sitting form, a few feet away from his bed. His anger being replaced by shame, longing and exhaustion. He wanted to gather her in her arms to console her for not being able to take Yoriko away.

—– Yoriko was never there in their meeting place. Mutsuki told him that he should go to the chateau as Mutsuki will break out Yoriko from the CCG headquarters, then bring her there to prove Mutsuki’s loyalty to him. He knew it was a trap but he was desperate to help Touka’s friend. For Touka’s sake. He knew how important Yoriko was to her. He was such an idiot for believing Mutsuki. When he got there, Mutsuki was there waiting for him. That’s when he knew he fucked up miserably.

They were fighting for a while then and it was evident that he got the upper hand until he sensed another force coming from behind and it was Shinsanpei Aura, a few feet from him and ready to strike with his quinque. Kaneki got distracted and Mutsuki used this as an opportunity to attack him. He blocked Mutsuki’s attempt and was struggling to dodge Aura’s quinque when shock gripped his whole body completely.

And that’s when Touka appeared behind him to block Aura’s attack. She managed to block Aura with her kagune and counter-attacked with her close combat skills. Kaneki didn’t have the chance to see Touka and Aura’s fight for he was busy with his own fight with Mutsuki but he was shaking the entire time, desperate to knock Mutsuki out to get him and Touka away from there.

After a few minutes of fighting, he was finally able to disarm Mutsuki of his quinque and damage his kagune. Mutsuki was lying down, knocked out from their battle. If Tsukiyama was there with him, he would’ve told him to kill Mutsuki and not just leave him be. Hell, his right hand man would probably kill Mutsuki himself.

But as torn as he was whether to do it or not, he did not have the time for that. His mind was occupied by Touka who was facing Aura, a very cunning opponent, and they’re nowhere to be found. Kaneki went cold all over.

He quickly searched around the area and scanned it frantically. His heart thumping wildly and his mind giving him possible scenarios of what happened to Touka are making him shake uncontrollably. Then, he stopped midway his frantic running and saw a body.

It’s obvious that its left arm was twisted and broken. A small puddle of blood pooling under it and the stench of it filled his nostrils. He fought the hunger and swallowed his fear. He ran closer to it when he recognized it as Aura’s bloody limp form. It was slumped a few meters away from Touka’s unmoving body and that’s when he saw her.

That’s when he knew he fucked up more than he did before.

He wanted to kill Aura right then and there but knowing that Touka is more important, he dismissed his initial reaction and took his Touka in his arms. Besides, Touka took care of Aura already, evident with his broken arms and perhaps spilled organs. He’s either dead or nearly dead. He doesn’t give a single fuck.

That’s my girl, Kaneki thought. Pride, fear and love swelling inside him. He’s taking them home.

We’re going home, Touka-chan.

—– And now, as he stood there in front of Touka, with her looking at him the way as he was looking at her, he thank whoever it was to be thanked for because she’s alive. She’s here. She’s safe.

Kaneki walked the little distance between them and kneels in front of her. She looks down on him as he raise his eyes on hers. He whispers, “I’m sorry.”

Tears starts to form again in her eyes. He raises his hand and use his thumb to wipe them away as they spill along her wounded face. Touka closed her eyes and cried silently.

“I know I should’ve told you,” Kaneki said, his hands still on her face. He wanted to kiss her tears away so bad. But first, they need to talk. “But you should’ve told me, too.”

Touka opened her eyes then. She starts to say, “There was no time and you were already gone so I-”

He immediately cut her off, “I’m not.. talking about.. that.”

A long silence ensued. They’re both looking at each other without uttering any word. Touka opened her mouth a few times, only to close them. Kaneki patiently waited for her to gather her thoughts and speak.

After a few minutes, Touka looked down and bit her lip. She was clearly avoiding his eyes.

Kaneki struggled to keep his smile. She’s so cute, he can’t help but think.

“I guess you knew when you saw my calendar.”

He smirked a bit, “Actually, it was when Nishio-senpai told me.”

Touka looked at him abruptly and angrily retorted, “What?! Four-Eyes told you?!” She struggled to get up but Kaneki, still kneeling in front of her, gripped her hands and put his arms on the sides of her thighs to keep her from standing up.

“You’re not in the right condition, Touka-chan,” he said, softly. Suddenly amused, he realized that his anger is finally gone and he actually find their situation quite amusing and endearing.

But Touka obviously don’t think so.

“Oh, I still have strength to kick his damn ass! I’m gonna kick them so hard he’d need another glasses coz I will shove it together up in his butt,” Touka furiously remarked while still struggling under his grip. Kaneki couldn’t help but chuckle.

Touka heard this and turned her attention to Kaneki, her intention of kicking Nishiki’s ass slowly being turned towards the white haired man kneeling in front of her.

“Why are you laughing?”, she asked, her teeth gritted.

“I can’t let you do that,” Kaneki told her. He’s keeping his face neutral, for his sake. “I can’t let you roam around our base looking like a feast for every man’s eyes. I won’t.”

The girl stopped struggling and just looked at him. She looked down at her attire. He saw how her face changed from an angry shade of red because of her pissed off attitude to a deep glow of pink because of shame.

She’s so fucking beautiful, Kaneki thought with a skip of a heartbeat.

He couldn’t take it anymore. He stood up and pushed Touka down his bed gently. She wanted to struggle but Kaneki hovered over her and she felt like the cat got her tongue.

Kaneki smiled softly at her and he gently lay down beside her. His left arm went under her nape to wound around so he could grip her shoulder, his right snakes around her waist and gently tug her body against his. Her face is red now, and Kaneki put his head a few inches from hers. He never knew Touka can be shy.

Of all the times they were alone, whether talking or doing unspeakable things to each other (which is really not often, to his dissapointment and relief at once), she was always the one who initiates it. And to be honest, he doesn’t mind at all. He secretly likes it. Besides, Touka is really far decisive than he is. She’s fierce, and passionate, and wild, and sweet, and everything good in this world. If she wants to do something, she will do it. Fuck the consequences. It may be her biggest flaw, but to Kaneki, it’s what makes her Touka. And he loves her for that alone. Her beautiful face, and her more beautiful body, and her most beautiful heart are just another extra bonus. A big, fat one at that.

He continues to stare at her face, relishing the quiet around them.

I missed you. I missed this, Kaneki thought to himself.

As if she heard his thoughts, she blurted out a hushed “What?” She tried to sound annoyed, but her blushing face says something else.

Kaneki patiently smiled at her, “We should talk. We could’ve avoided all this if we did this a little sooner.”

Touka silently looked at him, then nodded. “I thought so, too.” She laughed a bit and added, “We’re so stubborn, you and I.”

Kaneki couldn’t agree more. Because of their situation with their food and the issue with Furuta’s plans above ground, plus their plans on the counter-attack, Kaneki doesn’t have the time to talk to Touka and check on how she’s doing. They barely see each other and the only reminder he has of her is her sweet scent, the feel of her body pressed against him, and her parents’ ring now wrapped around his neck by a silver chain.

Touka is eyeing the said ring while she said, “I didn’t want you to worry too much about me. I know you have a lot on your plate right now. And I cannot be much of help. I can’t burden you with another thing.”

She said it really softly that if he was not paying his full attention, he would’ve missed it entirely.

“Why do you think you are a burden, Touka-chan?”, he asked her. He cannot believe Touka would think like that about herself. She have never been so wrong.

“I’m afraid, Kaneki,” she admitted. Her fingers unconsciously toying with her parents’ ring. “I’m afraid of what’s to come. What if this situation will be used against you? What if this pregnancy fails?”

Her fingers stopped fiddling with the ring and she splayed her hand against his chest. She looked at his eyes, fearful and sad at once.

“What if I don’t make it?”

His grip on her body automatically went tighter. “Don’t,” he half shouted, half whispered. “Don’t even think about it.”

“But what if, Kaneki? We don’t know what’s gonna happen. We don’t know if this baby needs a human food or what,” Touka cried. Tears started to form again and this time, they’re the scared kind. “I don’t know what to do. I don’t-”

Kaneki abruptly cut her words with his mouth. He kissed her lips, tasted tears and love and sweet, sweet Touka. He kissed her cheek, her wounds on them, her nose, her eyes. Everywhere his lips could reach. He could hear her quiet sobs and he doesn’t know how to ease her pain but he’s trying. God, he’s trying.

He buried his face in her neck, his hands rubbing her shoulders and her back as she quietly cries. Her hands now grip his shirt between their bodies, he could feel her shaking.

He continues to soothe her as much as he can. He couldn’t even imagine how hard must it be for her. All he could do is just be there for her.

After a few moments, she visibly relaxes. He turn his face towards her face and see her looking at him, tears drying on her perfect face.

Beautiful, he thought.

And it was not enough just to think about it so he told her, “You’re so beautiful, Touka Kirishima.”

She closes her eyes and smile. And when she opened them, her hands went to his face, tracing his eyebrows, down to his nose and lips. He puckered his lips to kiss them.

“I lost everything important in my life already,” he started. His gaze never leaving her.

“My dad at first. Then my mother. After being with my auntie and her family, I lost that too. I lost my whole family. I had Hide and then I became a ghoul. I thought it was a punishment. Because I knew I might lose Hide along the way because of it. And I did. I lost Hide. My bestfriend in the whole world, and I lost him. And I’ve never felt so alone. So lonely.

Then Anteiku. I was angry and scared when I became a ghoul. But Yoshimura-san’s solemn face made me at peace. I was happy for a while, being with all of you there. Only to be taken away from all of you after the raid. I felt angry towards myself again, for I wasn’t able to protect everyone I care about.

Then I became a Dove. I had friends there, Suzuya for one. And I got my so-called parents, Akira and Arima. My Quinx. The moody Urie, the shy Mutsuki, the sweet Saiko.. And the kind Shirazu. And I lost them all. Shirazu who I wasn’t able to see before he died; Tooru who went to a terrible path; Juuzuo, Urie and Yonebayashi who I haven’t seen for such a long time and probably sent to hunt me down and kill me; Akira who I lost as I lost Haise; and Arima, my only father figure that I had, who died in my arms. I lost them all.

And now, recently, the :re cafe. You worked so hard for that cafe, Touka-chan. Just to wait for me to come home. To you. And I lost it too. We lost it.”

Memories and feelings flooded him. His heart hurt remembering all these people and all these things that happened to him. His life really is a tragedy.

But every time his eyes fall on Touka, something blooms inside him.

Hope.

“But you’re still here. With me,” he tells Touka. His hand caressing her face, soothing her injuries. His arm wounded around her shoulders slowly tracing her bones with his fingers. His eyes roaming around her face, committing everything to his memory.

His hand stopped on the junction between her shoulders and neck, his thumb moving rhythmically. “I won’t lose you again, Touka. I can’t lose you.”

His emotions started to grip him powerfully at once, “I can’t lose you, too.”

He closed his eyes and felt hot tears spill on the left side of his face, tiny drops obvious on his white pillowcase.

He can feel Touka’s eyes on him. Then a split second passed and her arms are around him, his arms immediately doing the same, his body desperate for the comfort of her arms and her heart.

They cried together for a while. Because that’s what you do for the one you love. You don’t do anything alone. No I, no me. Always us. Always together. Always.

Kaneki loosen his grip on her after a moment then takes her face in his hands, “We can do this, Touka-chan. You and me, together.”

He looked down below at her stomach. Feelings of fear, anticipation and love overwhelms him.

That’s my child right there, he mused in his thoughts. My own flesh and blood. Touka and I’s child.

Ours.

He looks back at her, “I’ll do my best to protect you. Protect you both. I’ll make our future safe. I won’t fail you, Touka-chan.”

“Kaneki,” Touka stated. His heart hurts just by seeing her like this. He waited for what she’s gonna say next.

“Promise me one thing,” she whispered. Her voice soft but determined. Her eyes wet but steady on his. “Whatever happens, save the baby.”

Kaneki stopped breathing. “What are you saying? How ca-”

“Promise me!” Touka urged him. She’s hurting him and she knows it, but she wants to make sure the safety of her child. Their child. “Please, Kaneki.”

She’s asking him to choose their child if it ever comes to that point. That means he would lose her. He wouldn’t want that. He can’t take that. He might as well just die.

But knowing Touka, she might resent him when they meet in the afterlife, if ever there is one. And he can’t take that as well.

The thought of leaving a mark in this world, in that case, his child, is a pretty exhilarating idea. Knowing that his child will be there to witness the world he fought hard to create and protect. A world where humans and ghouls live together in peace. He will do everything in his power to achieve that goal.

Looking at her, he sees endless possibilities. And knowing that one day, he might not see her again; hold her like this again and kiss her senseless again – he made a promise to her and to himself.

“I won’t stop,” he started slowly. “Never, until my goal is achieved. And if there may come a time that I have to choose between you and our child..”

His voiced cracked a little but continued, “I promise to choose our child.”

Touka breathed an almost mute ‘thank you’ until she heard him again.

“But not without putting up a goddamn fight,” Kaneki declared, his gaze steady and determined on Touka. “I will always fight for you, Touka.”

She was breathless. His eyes are full of fire and determination that it took Touka’s breath away. Her heart skipped a beat.

I love you so much, she thought to herself. You’re so brave, my love.

Kaneki saw her eyes flash, full of unsaid feelings. He thinks he must look the same for there are words unspilled in his mouth. He can’t contain them anymore.

“I love you,” he quietly mused. He looked at her and saw her staring with shock. It’s the first time he said it and it just felt so right. “I love you, Touka Kirishima. I love you so much like my heart could burst.”

There, it’s out, he breathed a sigh of relief. What will she say? Does she feel the same? Nah, I don’t care if she doesn’t. I just wanna say it out loud. She doesn’t have to answer now, I could wai-

“I love you too,” she murmured. She’s looking down on the ring around his neck. She’s licking and biting her lips nervously. A slight blush creeping on her wounded cheeks.

After and despite all the heavy burdens they threw out of their chests, he smiled. A big, goofy one. She loves him, and he couldn’t ask for anything better.

Touka saw this expression and said, “What’s with that annoying face?”

She didn’t seem annoyed, she’s more like trying to be annoyed. It’s hard when his cute smile is right in front of her. Meanwhile, Kaneki feels like a real king.

“Nothing,” he answered happily. She chuckled under her breath and felt his body shake with mirth as well. They’re so weird. Crying, then laughing the next second. Perfect for each other.

Kaneki kissed her then. He kissed her like it’s gonna be the last time. They both know there are too many problems to solve, and friends to save, and plans to create. But right now, they kiss. They kiss and they love. And it would be enough, even just for right now.

Kaneki’s kissing Touka’s neck, hearing her softly moan against his ear, making him shudder because of too much pleasure and love. At this rate, they’re gonna end up banging each other’s brains out. But Touka’s injured condition may not take that. So Kaneki needs to stop this before he forgets her wounded form and pounce on her. It’s so hard especially when his hand is already gripping her exposed thighs and he could see her underwear because his shirt she’s wearing just rode up. He’s losing it.

Think! Kaneki pressed on his thoughts as he kisses her mouth, drinking her sighs as he stroke inside with his tongue.

Fuck, think you idiot!

He suddenly thought of something and he knows he’s gonna be in trouble for saying this but he had no choice.

He broke the kiss and breathed out, “What about Nishio-senpai? What are you gonna do about him?”

He haven’t told Touka that Nishio didn’t even tell him directly that she’s pregnant. He just hinted at it but well, Kaneki’s desperate now.

Sorry, Nishio-senpai.

Touka looked taken aback at first because they were making out when he blurts this shit out. She immediately thought of the four-eyed bastard and seethed under her breath, “Oh he’s gonna be in trouble. I can’t believe he told you I’m pregnant. I haven’t told anyone. Not even Hinami or Ayato.”

“What did you just say?! And what the hell is this?!” a loud voice suddenly came into the room.

Kaneki stood up abruptly and saw a very mad, very fuming Yomo in front of them, his face contorted in anger.

Touka and Kaneki looked at each other worriedly. Kaneki actually looked a little green. Yomo is either angry at the both of them because Touka is pregnant, or because he saw them barely making out like teenagers with raging hormones. Touka thinks it’s the former plus the fact that she was injured, the latter appealed to Kaneki more.

Well, Kaneki thinks to himself. At least Touka is safe from me. She’s still in no condition to be made love to.

But looking back at Yomo and his very angry face made him doubt his choices in life. Especially the choice to refuse his desire for the love of his life and the choice to use his Nishio-senpai as a cover to save his girl from his hormones.

Eitherway, karma is real.

One Eyed King or not, Kaneki thought to himself. You’re still an idiot.

#touken #touken fanfic #touken fanfiction #tokyo ghoul #tokyo ghoul :re #tokyo ghoul manga #tokyo ghoul fanfiction #otp #HEHEHE #fanfiction #fangirl's fanfiction

[tracey1302]

Episode 601 - A Fair Game

SPOILERS FOR 601 and 602....

Hi everyone!

As mentioned last week, I’m sorry it’s taken me so long to come back to the amazing online HL fandom. Better late than never. I also acknowledge I’ve been MIA since…. Pretty much the summer. Life got in the way as term started. And I got married…

And then I was hit with a barrage of Masters marking, so spent most of Christmas like this…

Not really, but god, so much work.

Anyway I am back and ready to party. I’m gonna try an episode by episode analysis this season. But I’m not promising anything….LOL. Between now and the end of term, my book should be coming out (not on Homeland, on another area of my research) and my sister is getting married. Talk about interruptions.

Anyway, so here we go.

So ‘Fair Game’. My favourite exchange in which was ‘Let me go.’ ‘Let ME go.’ 

So before I go on and do my analysis, I’m gonna include some of my thoughts on 5x12 which I’ve posted before. Simply because they link rather well into this discussion.

“Carrie has read the letter. She’s thinking about Quinn’s words, ‘This is exactly what should have happened.’ She’s thinking about what Dar Adal said, that this would be Quinn’s worst nightmare. I’ve no doubt it would be. So, she thinks she is doing the right thing by her friend. (I don’t want to get into a debate on this again.) This is my interpretation of this scene. I don’t think there is anything malicious in it at all. I recognise that Quinn’s vitals were okay - but as we had been told in the previous scene, the prognosis for Quinn wasn’t okay. And as we know, Carrie feels a deep responsibility for him now. 

So she goes in, knows what she’s gonna do, and then the light comes into the window and onto his face. What does this scene mean for me now?

Don’t let him go.

As much as Carrie thinks she’s doing the right thing by Quinn here, her change of heart (and the fact that Quinn is alive) proves that she’s not ready to give him up. She’s not ready to let him go. And indeed, she doesn’t let him go.

This also takes on a new significance if we think about the letter and the responsibility and poignancy it has. Carrie will feel the weight of the letter through the next season. He has given her everything, is she ready to give it back?

We know one thing, she’s not ready to give it up. 

Given our knowledge now, it’s easier to view this scene this way, and it’s a really lovely way to think about an episode that we all hated when it aired, for so many reasons. We know that she doesn’t kill him, and we know that she has a close relationship with Quinn next season (whatever that means)

We have also been told that the letter will be addressed, which proves that this scene, and Quinn’s words to Carrie has some serious repercussions for their relationship going forward. 

My thoughts? Carrie isn’t ready to be with Quinn, not yet. But she’s also not ready to give up on him, and most importantly, on them. They’re not friends anymore. This letter completely changes the dynamic of their relationship because Quinn’s laying it all on the line.Two years ago, there was a shift, and they kissed and contemplated leaving the CIA to be together. Now, there’s been another shift. Quinn confesses that he loves Carrie. That she is everything to him. This isn’t just, ‘let’s try a relationship that we both know can work if we leave the CIA’ (which in itself is huge for these two). This is, ‘You are the love of my life.’

While Carrie may not yet realise exactly what Quinn means to her, we’ve had a fair glimpse of it over the past few episodes, as we’ve been shown how Carrie reacts when she thinks she’s lost him. (Totally pips Brody. Just saying.) We’ve seen how she takes care of him, we’ve seen that she is ‘waiting for him.’

And for me, this scene, and its end, though not so ambiguous now, shows us just that. Carrie will continue to wait for him. Whatever that entails. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t think that Carrie is poised here thinking she will remain single until Quinn comes around. However,  I do think that ultimately her decision to keep him alive is based partly on the fact that she realises it’s not her decision to make, but also on the fact that she realises she’s not ready to let him go. Their relationship will be different now, but Carrie is acknowledging that, she’s taking the letter on board, it’s something she’s willing to accept, to take under advisement, to risk… and that, my friends, tells us everything we need to know.

She has Quinn’s heart… and she trusts herself with it. If that isn’t character growth for Carrie, I don’t know what is.”

 So fast forward to Season Six. We now have a fresh faced Carrie in a new job, thankfully not Carrie During. (Let’s have a moment and think about how happy we are that THAT didn’t happen.)

The thing is, there’s an echo of the dynamic between Carrie and Quinn here that we see in 504. That distance between them rearing its ugly head once again. Except instead of emotionally stoic Quinn, we have an angry, resentful and distant Quinn. They’re trying to underline that once again, Quinn has gone through another emotional and psychological transformation and is another person. Trying to underline that this is not a romantic show. Hell, this isn’t even a romance. Yet.

I still maintain that this is all part and parcel of the ‘will they, won’t they’ journey of OTPs. Both characters have to go on journeys before they’re ready to be together. A lot of the complaints about the C/Q pairing in S4 were directed around the fact that their relationship wasn’t earned. So they’re spinning it out longer than any other relationship on Homeland - so it does feel earned. And the emotional pay off will be flawless. How could it not be, with the state they’re both in?

Anyway, back to the VA hospital.

We do get this. You could hear a ruddy pin drop after this one.

‘Let me go.’ Carrie tells Quinn to let her go. He’s got her in a physical grip. It’s not like he’s got her by the scruff of the neck. It’s a very, very gentle push.

‘Let ME go,’ pleads Quinn.

Quinn wants Carrie to leave him be. To let him rot inside his own life. And I could believe this. It is believable given that Quinn’s self deprecation is right up there with all the Noir heroes. BUT it’s just this bit of the exchange that I struggle with.

We see it. I saw it. I know you saw it. We see a flicker of old Quinn. 

Quinn doesn’t really want Carrie to let him go. He just doesn’t want her to see him like this. It’s almost like the ‘It doesn’t matter now’ scene from 504.

And I think Claire’s acting in this scene is amazing. Carrie’s eyes after she hears Quinn say ‘Let me go.’

Reference to my earlier post. She’s not ready to let him go. She can’t let him go. I see the letter in Carrie’s eyes. She knows how Quinn feels. He doesn’t know that she knows how he feels. And yet she continues to take care of him. She continues to reach out to him. She continues to keep him close by. She’s not going anywhere. She’s not leaving him. She’s not.

Only this time, she actually isn’t. I just don’t think she’s ready to confront all of the very complicated reasons why she isn’t.

There is another scene I actually found VERY interesting from a C/Q standpoint and that is the scene that she shares with Otto. On a side note, how creepy is Otto? It turned my stomach (and Carrie’s by the looks) when he’s looking at her adoringly in the meeting room. Vomit. Anyway, this is the exchange I found interesting..

Otto: If it’s not me...’

Let it be someone else...

You see, the thing is....there’s only one person who it could be. Every Homeland watcher knows this. Even if so many seem resistant to the C/Q pairing, he’s the only one now that is filling that role.

And just in case we didn’t know who that was. The writers tell us.

Cut to.... Peter Quinn. HA.

But they also tell us that hell, romance is the last thing on Carrie’s mind right now. And that Quinn is...well... a mess.

In this episode, we see so much of the writers underlining that Quinn is a changed man. No shit. IMO, they pushed him a little too far down the rabbit hole. The scene where you could actually see the woman... doing her thing with him... was just a little too much. Lightyears away from the clean cut nerd we saw in 204, no? But that’s the point. We thought we’d seen Quinn at rock bottom – this is definitely rock bottom. It can only go up from here.

Carrie’s dedication to Quinn in this episode was actually really beautiful. As I mentioned earlier, I don’t think she knows all of the very complicated reasons why she’s so dedicated to him and why she won’t let him go. Conscience is a big one, of course, she feels incredibly guilty about what happened to him in Berlin. But it wasn’t all her fault. I don’t see Saul visiting Quinn every day at the Vet hospital. I think another reason drives at Quinn being her best friend. Because he was, once upon a time, he was the person she could always count on. And she misses him. She misses her friend.

Look at her sad little face when his ‘bye’ is so dismissive.

And I’d wager he misses her. The scene in the car post crack den was heartbreaking. He misses his old life and the way he used to be. Not in S5, before then... when he was on top of his game and their interactions didn’t revolve around his care. Quinn is a very proud man and the last thing he wants is to be babysat. Especially by Carrie.

I too, enjoyed the parallels with 302 (sorry if the episode number is wrong) when Quinn was being restrained by the security guards and Carrie was looking pained. The irony and sadness of the situation is not lost on Carrie either. Another reason why she decides to take such care of him. She’s been through it... and she doesn’t want him to have to go through what she went through. Or, any more than he has already...

She can’t stand seeing him like this and the scene builds to a head (very much set off by the music) in which she finally tells them to ‘Stop it!’

Drastic action is needed. Quinn’s moving in.

And that brings us to the last reason why she’s taking such care of him....she could fall in love with this man. He could be it. Thanks Leslie/Meredith. Can never remember which of them said this.

She loves him, yes, the care she’s shown for him this episode leaves me in no doubt about that. But is she in love with him? No. Not yet. But she could be. And I think everything that happened in Berlin, the way she felt when she thought he was dead, and all the very complicated emotions surrounding what happened at the hospital have left Carrie very very confused as to how she feels about him. And the letter is a big part of that. All she knows is that she doesn’t want him to go anywhere, and she’s not giving up on him becoming the man he once was (and still is, somewhere in there.)

She’s hesitant, yes. This is a big deal and a big risk for Carrie to take. Not just because Quinn isn’t exactly stable.

But because having him there, in her house, is a very different relationship. It’s a lot more intimate. And Carrie has never had this sort of relationship with any man. Ever. Are we counting Jonas? Yawn. But Jonas didn’t know Carrie. Not the real Carrie. So no, not counting Jonas. And Jonas isn’t a main character (thank Christ), Quinn is. Quinn has three seasons on Jonas. Jonas has time, yes, but it’s not significant time, because the writers didn’t show it to us.

So yeah, big step for Carrie. So much so, she’s not really ready to make it. So she locks the door. As well she should. I would have done the same thing.

But what’s interesting about this ‘locked door’ exchange is metaphorical.

I don’t mind admitting I actually choked a little watching this scene. 

God knows what he would have said if it had been open. Maybe he wanted to apologise. Maybe he just wanted company. Maybe he wanted to say ‘thank you.’

But there is, I think, a deeper symbolism to this locked door and (spoiler alert) the fact that we know that it’s Frannie that metaphorically opens it.

Quinn is not a prisoner in Carrie’s basement. He can get out, he can go into the garden. He can go anywhere, really. Except for the place that he really wants to go. Into Carrie’s home, and by extension, her heart. Yes, I know this is cheesy, but it’s true. Everything Quinn has ever wanted, that normal life

And by extension, a relationship with Carrie...

All of that is through that door. 

But he needs to change before he can really go through it. And Carrie needs to see that change in him before he’s ready to go through it. He needs to deal with his issues and work through what’s happened to him. It’s gonna be a long time but I like the fact that Frannie is going to be a facilitator to this change. It’s kind of beautiful.

But for me, that doesn’t really matter, it’s just part of the journey. Carrie (and Frannie) for that matter, are waiting for him. She’s true to her word. No, she’s not waiting with open arms, saying ‘Marry me...’ but a connection is there, if he wants it.

I will say again, when Quinn’s ready to walk through the door, we’ll get a lot of awkward moments. Inevitably Carrie and Quinn will get closer. And it will be an intimacy we’ve never seen from them before. They’re living in the same house, for god’s sake. When Quinn works his way back into Carrie’s life, which he will (I think it’s pretty damn clear from this opening episode that that’s the groundwork and journey for him this season) when we’ll see Carrie updating Quinn on everything that’s going on in her life with the new Pres, and the new job… and Dar… and Saul…. And when he will come to be something of a protector for Frannie (spoiler again there, sorry folks!)

I think this will be a very C/Q season. Quinn is literally the most important person in her life (apart from Frannie of course!) so they will share a lot of seasons together, confronting what has happened. Promised by this...

That’s just the thing.... why did you save him, Carrie? Carrie figuring that out will be a massive part of this season and her character development.

I am excited about what this season will bring for Carrie and Quinn. Bring it on.

#homeland #carrie mathison #peter quinn #carrie x quinn #quarrie #fair game