#SCREAMING LAUGHING THROWING UP WHEEZING MYSELF TO DEATH I AM LOSING IT Y’ALL THE FIC I TRIED TO FIND FOR SO LONG I CAN FINALLY POST THIS

[crossbackpoke-check]

Here is cult leader Geno!

https://archiveofourown.org/works/31151726

thank you SO MUCH!!!! 😭🥰 this ask took so long to answer because i decided to find the other fics i had mentioned too and create a mini rec list (under the cut)

Blessed are the chosen by beggingwolf

cult leader geno fic. so good enough said i don’t want to spoil anything EXCEPT there is also a director’s cut which i personally am obsessed with because i love to know everything, ever

wine, flowers, & blood by malk1ns

the geno comes to take pittsburgh but doesn’t realize there’s already been a claim fic. oh my GOD i love this fic and the world building and there are so many small details that i want to chew on for hours

The Hockey Gods (Must Be Crazy) by Solarcat

ok this is the real reason this took so long. i was like SOMEWHERE there is a fic about how in a back alley wall in edmonton? winnipeg?? alberta??? there’s a shrine to wayne gretzky because he once took a piss there and if you’re having a shitty season you can leave an offering there to fix it but i COULD NOT find it and i tried every variation of looking for the longest time like. inputting random words into my bookmarks and then into the whole of the HRPF tag but WE FOUND IT

bonus (unmentioned in the original post but found while perusing my bookmarks):

omni devotione by CloudCover

They’d told him, at the beginning, that Sid was devout, an obedient follower of the old gods.

Still a child, Zhenya had laughed, careless and free of concern. “I’m Russian,” he’d said with a shrug. “We killed our gods.”

He knows better than to laugh now.

limned in gold by sebfish

It was tradition that anyone who made the team got called to meet the gods, and everyone knew what that meant.

#thank you for sending the link 🥰😭🥹 i appreciate you so much 💕💕💕 #hckyrcl #liv in the replies #these are all sidgeno because that was the thesis of the original post but if you can’t tell. i LOVE a good magical realism/hockey gods fic #SCREAMING LAUGHING THROWING UP WHEEZING MYSELF TO DEATH I AM LOSING IT Y’ALL THE FIC I TRIED TO FIND FOR SO LONG I CAN FINALLY POST THIS #also guess how i finally found it. guess #page two of the results of the ENTIRE hrpf tag with the ‘search within results’ of ‘brick’ #W H E E Z I N G #fic recs! #pittsburgh penguins

[krispyalpacaduck]

Music Lessons With The Devil Chapter 3

Part 1 Part 2 Part 4

Lucifer x OC fic

Rating: T

“You speak Italian when you’re angry? Oooh, that is hot indeed.”

I picked up my letter opener and threw it straight at his head. It embedded into the wall a hair’s breadth from his face, making a wobbling sound. He turned to look at it, eyes wide.

“Talk.”

“I can’t wait to tell Maze.” He said, laughing. “I think I may have just found her a throwing partner.”

He grabbed the letter opener with both hands, tearing it from the wall and walked towards me, dropping it into my hand. Looking me up and down, I saw something flash in his eyes.

“I am…quite intrigued…”

Standing toe to toe with him, I met his gaze with the most disinterested look I could possibly muster.

He smirked. “Tell me, Isra…what is it that you desire most?”

A pressure filled my head, chased by a buzzing noise. His voice echoed in my head, pulling me into myself. My eyes flitted back and forth between his, then narrowing with concentration. With a whooshing sound, something in me shoved him back until I was back in the present.

Blinking, I let out a deep breath. It took me a minute to realize my hand was gripped onto something. We both looked down to see my hand locked around his wrist. I immediately let go and looked up at him with murder in my eyes.

“Don’t… do that again...”

Chloe opened the door.

“Lucifer, there you are! What did I tell you?”

“I kept my word. I have a purpose for being here!”

“Uh huh. Then why does Is look like she’s about to rip your head off?”

He looked from Chloe to me, imploring. A smile curved my lips as I shook my head slowly.

‘I won’t save you.’ I said with my eyes.

He huffed, pouting.

“Fine! I may have interrupted her class a tiny bit. We’re here about the case!”

“About Cindy? You think someone here is involved?”

Chloe sighed, rolling her eyes at Lucifer.

“I was going to talk to you about this later, but from all of the evidence we’ve gathered so far, we think someone in your class is responsible.”

“Yes, so I enrolled as a student to ah…canvas…the class for any ne’re do wells!”

“Is, I’ll take care of this. Go back to class. Just be careful, okay?” Chloe said, walking over to me, putting a hand on my shoulder.

“I’ll keep my eye out.”

Chloe looked to Lucifer. “You. Let’s go. Now.”

“But, I’ve got to get back to class!”

“Now.”

“Detective, you’re interfering with my education.”

A smack across the back of the head with the case file shut him up. I had to struggle to hold in my laughter as I walked past Chloe. She reached out her hand to high five me, Lucifer’s voice following through the door.

“I saw that! Did she put you up to this?”

….……………………………………………………….

I was full on laughing as I walked back to class. The satisfying smack of the case folder as it hit Lucifer in the back of the head was just the pick-me-up I needed.

“So sorry about that. Now, shall we continue?”

“Where’s the tall, sexy guy?” The busty blonde pouted near the end of class.

“He’s here with the LAPD and they’re very busy.” I said, pointedly.

“It is awful about what happened to Cindy, but she got what was coming to her.”

“What do you mean?”

“She was embezzling from the college with the Dean.”

“That is a very strong accusation. Do you have any proof?”

“No. It’s sort of a rumor around here. Everyone knows it but no one can get close enough to him to find out.”

I could see waves of agreement wafting through the class.

“Huh. Thank you everyone. That’s all for today.”

As the students packed up and left, I caught Barb.

“Hey, hang back for a sec.”

She came over to me, shuffling the bag on her shoulder.

“Would you mind going down to the station and giving a statement? I’ll let Detective Decker know you’re coming.”

“Will… Lucifer be there?”

She went all flirty, finger in her hair, mouth open with her tongue glued to the top of her mouth after she said the last word.

I looked at her incredulously.

“I don’t know!”

“He’s so hot.”

“Yes yes yes yes yes go go go shoo.” I practically shoved her from my classroom.

“You two aren’t a thing are you?” She asked from the doorway.

“What? No!”

“Good, ‘cause I’m totally gonna hit that.” She laughed, making a lewd gesture.

I slammed the door in her face and groaned loudly. Taking out my phone, I called Chloe to let her know Barb was on the way.

….…………………………………………………………………………………………

The rest of the day went by in a sort of blur. LAPD officers came and went for interviews. I didn’t see Chloe or Lucifer the rest of the day (thank Christ for small miracles where that man was concerned.)

It was well passed 8 p.m. when I was ready to leave for the night. As I turned to lock my office, I heard a commotion coming from the the Dean’s office. Staying quiet just in case someone was in there with him, I snuck in quietly to see him running around, packing things up quickly, cursing when he knocked something over.

“Dr, is everything alright?”

He visibly jumped when he heard my voice.

“Oh! You scared me! Yes, I-I-I-I-I-I’ve had a death in the family. It’s a bit of an emergency, I’m afraid.” He was stuttering. I didn’t know Psychology well, but I knew this kind of stuttering was not emotional turmoil. He was nervous.

“Here. Let me help you.”

The man was juggling 2 suitcases and trying to cram a bunch of documents into another.

“No no! I got it! You go on home. I said I got it!”

We had a kind of tug-a-war with the suitcases until he pulled too hard and one of them burst open. His passport along with several financial statements floated to the floor in a paper rain.

We both looked at it and when he looked back up at me, I knew he had done it.  

“Oh, my God. It was you! Barb was right!”

He panicked then, dropping the suitcases and pulling a gun on me.

Taking a few small steps back, I said, “Frank, easy. Let’s not lose our heads here, huh? Put down the gun and let’s talk.”

“I didn’t mean to do it. It was an accident. Cindy was in on it too. She wasn’t happy about her cut so she threatened to talk and promised I would take the fall for all of it. I didn’t mean to kill her. You gotta help me.”

“You know I can’t do that, Frank.”

“Then I don’t have a choice with you either. You’re a witness.”

He raised the gun at my head, finger on the trigger.

“Frank. You don’t have to do this.”

“I have to… he said he would kill me if I didn’t.”

“...who said?”

What he said next made my blood ice.

“The Snake.”

Lucifer burst into the door, catching Frank off guard but not before he fired a shot that hit me in the leg.

I stood there in shock for a minute before collapsing to the ground, pain like fire running through my leg. I heard Frank choking and looked up to see he had been lifted off of the ground by his neck. I scrambled to find something to wrap around my leg. Frank had dropped his other suitcase when Lucifer picked him up. I saw a shirt near my leg and stretched my upper body as best as I could to get it so I didn’t have to move my legs. Once the shirt was tied, I focused my attention back on Lucifer.

“Lucifer, stop!”

He turned to me, murder in his eyes. “The man shot you!” He said indignantly.

“Let him go.”

He was ignoring me.

“I need him alive!” I screamed.

He turned and searched my face for a moment, then scoffed and dropped him to the floor.

“You humans. I don’t understand it. The man is clearly guilty of attempted murder and actual murder. You let these criminals sit in a jail cell for 20 odd plus years when they should get a one-way ticket downstairs!”

“You aren’t judge, jury and executioner! That’s what Chloe and the LAPD are for! Some people make mistakes. Some people do it on purpose and later on learn the error of their ways. Still, others…” My voice trailed off, looking into the Dean’s wheezing figure and finding the skeleton in my closet waiting inside. “Deserve to be taken out back and executed by a firing squad. They’ve done unforgivable things….death would be too easy a punishment.” I didn’t blink the whole time I was speaking.

Lucifer was down to my level, waving his hand in front of my face until my vision refocused.

“Hello? Come back. Come back. Yes, there we go!”

I blinked several times.

“There she is. Welcome back. Where did you run off to?”

“I didn’t go anywhere. I was right here.”

Standing back up, he sighed.

“All right then, keep your secrets.”

“Okay, Frodo. Are we off to throw the One Ring into Mordor?”

He laughed, his crow’s feet digging into the sides of his face. Other than his smile and his eyes, that was my 3rd favorite feature.

“But seriously, are you okay?”

I smiled. “I’ve been shot. So I’m going to wager no. But I do have you to thank.”

“Oh?”

“If you hadn’t busted in when you did, that bullet would be sitting in my skull.”

“What can I say? I’m amazing.” He shrugged his shoulders and accentuated it with his hands in the air.

He smiled, but it didn’t reach his eyes.

“I’m glad you’re okay.”

“Thanks, Lucifer.”

“I suppose we should get you patched up. Here.”

He reached inside his coat and passed me his flask.

“One for the road?”

I took it from him greedily and took a big swig.

“Not all of it!”

I laughed, some of the liquor spilling past my lips. I handed it back, wiping what had spilled with my sleeve.

“Here, you big cry baby.”

I let out of a cry of pain as he wrapped my arm around his neck and pulled me up.

“Now who’s the cry baby?”

I smacked his chest. “I’ve been shot, ass!”

He laughed heartily.

Chloe ran in through the doorway then, surveying the room quickly and barking an order for 2 stretchers into her intercom. She sent her officers into the room before focusing on us.

“Lucifer, what-”

“She got a bit banged up.”

“You were shot? Oh my God, are you okay?”

“I’ve been better.”

She smiled at me then turned to Lucifer.

“You!”

“Yes, I know. Bad Lucifer.”

“I told you to wait!”

“Bloody good thing I didn’t! Miss Isra would have been a lifeless corpse on the ground with a bullet in her head had my excellent timing and instincts not saved her.”

“Can y’all argue later? Kinda have a bullet in my leg and it really fucking hurts.” I said, impatiently.

A stretcher appeared then and the medics helped me up onto it. Before they took me away, Lucifer walked over to me, bumping me in the arm

“See what I did there? ‘Got a bit banged up’?”

I craned my neck to look at him. “Really?”

“I made a punny!” He said with a smile, looking so proud of himself.

I just rolled my eyes as the medics pushed me out.

“Because a gun makes a bang sound? Do you get it?” He yelled after me.

I heard him ask someone else, probably Frank, “Do you get it?”

When he still didn’t get a response, he said, “Geez…tough crowd.”

….………………………………………………………………………………………

Tag List: @ayanna-wild, @using-our-made-up-names

Please feel free to share and let me know if you’d like to be tagged!

#lucifer x oc #lucifer morningstar #lucifer