#Smokey's ADD Meds Journey

[thetreetopinn]

My ADD Medication Journey - Mar 12, 2024

Well holy hell I finally got my next prescription filled!

Took long enough! Gah-dam!

The doctor has me on a new formulation--25 mg, half immediate release, half extended release.

I will be very curious to see how this goes--because I'm not stupid enough to try it right now. It's 7pm. I have no intention of staying awake all night.

But finally, at long last, the power to focus is mine once again!

God feared me because he knew I would be too powerful if I could focus. So he nerfed me.

He was right to fear me, and he should again, because I now have CHEAT CODES!!

AND I AM GOING TO IDENTIFY AS A FUCKING PROBLEM FOR HIM!! MWAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

#ADD #ADHD #Attention Deficit Disorder #Attention Deficit Hyperactive Disorder #Medication #Journal #Smokey's ADD Meds Journey #Pink and the Brain is an allegory for having ADD #Brain just wants to take over the world #But Pinky keeps ruining things because Pinky #And yet Pinky is still an integral part of the dynamic #Julia is my inner woman raging to come out and bite people #Does that make me trans? #Or am I just silly? #Probably a bit of both

[kwayskitchen]

Smokey Plant-based Chili

Ingredients:

1 cup black beans

1 cup pinto beans

1 cup TVP

1 cup red lentils

1 cup corn

1 bell pepper, chopped

3 stalks celery, chopped

1 med onion, chopped

2 tbsp minced garlic

1 can (15 oz) petite diced tomatoes

1 can (4 oz) tomato paste

4 tbsp chili powder

1-2 tbsp garlic Powder

1-2 tbsp onion powder

1 tbsp smoked paprika

1 tbsp cumin

1 tsp cayenne pepper

1 tbsp liquid smoke *optional

INSTANT POT Directions:

Put everything in the instant pot. Stir. Put on manual for 35 minutes. Release immediately or whenever ready to eat. Can store for up to 7 days.

Right at the moment, I do not have stove top instructions. I will play around with that and get back to this post for those who do not have a pressure cooker. 

MAKES 10+ Servings (depending on serving size)

This is my go to, once-a-month meal that helps with my health journey. My boyfriend loves this recipe so much that he likes to add my Potato Cheeze sauce to it and eat it with corn chips while playing Destiny. He’s so CUTE! 

But really I could eat this meal every day without getting bored. I could probably eat the whole pot within a day if I really felt like it. 

Its high protein, low fat and packed with really good carbs for you to go go go!

Enjoy!

<3 KWAY

#vegan #veganrecipe #veganofig #plantbased #plantbasedrecipes #plantsforthewin #wfpb #wfpblifestyle #eatyourvegchallenge #hclf #hclfvegan #recipe #chili #chilirecipe #instantpotrecipe #instantpot #weightloss #veganweightloss #plantbasedweightloss #deliciousfood #yummy #delicious

[thetreetopinn]

My ADD Medication Journey - Mar 18, 2024

Slept really well--what time I could get, because I didn't go to bed as early as I should have. But hey, I fell asleep pretty dang quick.

Woke up and took my medication at about 7:30 am, went to work, was able to focus pretty well throughout the day. It certainly helped that the office was more empty than usual so it was quieter, fewer people interrupting me and pulling me away from my work.

Got a few things done after leaving work. Had pretty good energy all day. Didn't notice any serious uptick in my tremors or any suppression of my appetite.

We'll see how tonight goes.

#ADD #ADHD #Attention Deficit Disorder #Attention Deficit Hyperactive Disorder #Medication #Journal #Smokey's ADD Meds Journey #Here's hoping I sleep good #Don't like just laying there TRYING to sleep #We'll try without a sleep aid tonight

[thetreetopinn]

My ADD Medication Journey - Mar 19, 2024

Slept pretty well--all things considered. Didn't use a sleep aid, nor did I put on any music. I'm encouraged by this.

Woke up and took my medication at the usual time.

All the usual expected effects--though the tremors were a bit different this time.

They lingered kind of all day but to a lesser extent. Just barely enough to be annoying, but not enough to be a proper hindrance. I'm thinking it was a matter of blood sugar because I was pretty hungry before lunch. After lunch, the tremors seemed to abate a little.

Aside from the tremors, if this is the direction things are going with this dosage, then I think this might work out fairly well.

#ADD #ADHD #Attention Deficit Disorder #Attention Deficit Hyperactive Disorder #Medication #Journal #Smokey's ADD Meds Journey #I had spaghetti for lunch #Chef Boiardi was on to something #Yeah he was a real person and he sold spaghetti dinner in a box #Learned about it in a youtube video #Tasting history with max miller #Parmesan emulsion on angel hair pasta

[thetreetopinn]

My ADD Medication Journey - Mar 15, 16 & 17, 2024

Oops... got distracted by other things (visiting the parents over the weekend). Forgot to make an entry here.

Friday, March 15th

Slept a little better then the previous night. I'd guess I managed somewhere between 4 and 6 hours. Not quite enough for my liking but it was sufficient to get me through the day.

I had taken a sleep aid--some over the counter antihistamines repackaged and rebranded as a sleep aid--and put on some soothing stuff to listen to while I lay in bed. It seemed to do the trick. I hope I don't have to keep taking the antihistamines every night I've taken my ADD medication.

Woke up feeling tired, but I'm used to that. Took my medication as soon as I was able to get something to drink--around 8:30am.

Work wasn't terrible, not as productive as I might have liked, but I did get enough done to still feel accomplished. The workload has eased down substantially now that A) we've kind of streamlined the process a bit and B) the backlog is effectively gone.

There's still some older stuff sitting there waiting for me to tackle it, but it's not super critical, and I've got other matters to address.

Tremors weren't as bad as the previous day, but still enough to notice.

I was able to focus enough on the things that mattered such that the most important things got taken care of.

I left to go see my parents immediately after work. For a not small stretch of the night, mom sat with me to go over my taxes so that we could both be reasonably sure I hadn't missed anything. I'm not super fond of the tax preparation services, and my state doesn't offer a proper free-filing method... because... well... fuck this state.

I got notice that I've been approved for my new apartment, and had to deal with some paperwork with that. More will be coming soon.

Went to bed later than I would have liked, but such is life.

Saturday, March 16th

Had trouble sleeping, but I got something like 5 or 6 hours of sleep I think. I always have trouble sleeping in a new bed, even if it's one I've slept in before, just not in a while.

Not taking my medication on the weekend so that I can guarantee a good night's sleep.

Got up early enough to eat breakfast with dad at a local place. Came back in time for him to go with others to go see a movie while mom and I babysat. That kid has waaay too much energy for me to keep up with.

Energy level was markedly lower than the last couple of days, but not low enough to make me need to nap as hard as I had during the weekends while on the previous run of medication.

Ended up napping anyway, but not for very long.

Finally came back home later than I would have liked but oh well. It didn't take long for me to start feeling drowsy enough to want to crawl into bed. Fell asleep fairly quickly.

Sunday, March 17th

Slept pretty well. Got more than 8 hours, which helped with the sleep debt from the week.

Took the day pretty slow and lazy, didn't have a lot I needed to get done, but of the things I should liked to tackle, I only got some of it done--such is life with ADHD and you don't take your meds.

I ended up feeling pretty tired at about 1 or 2 in the afternoon, to the point where I fell asleep in my computer chair for a little while.

I don't know if it's specifically the sleep debt thing because of the medication, or if it's also a function of just getting older.

Feeling a normal amount of tired as I'm looking at going to bed here in just a minute. Hoping to have a normal night's sleep.

#ADD #ADHD #Attention Deficit Disorder #Attention Deficit Hyperactive Disorder #Medication #Journal #Smokey's ADD Meds Journey #Family is more distracting than ADHD #Seriously they can't stay focused on one thing #I'm trying to do a thing and they try to drag me off to do another #The kid I can understand because they're a kid #It's bad enough I can't focus as strongly without the meds #Compound that with four other adults pulling me in different directions #And they wonder why I don't visit more often #That and their pretty conservative #I went there just to see my parents but of course more decided to show up #Sister does that all the damn time

[thetreetopinn]

My ADD Medication Journey - Mar 14, 2024

Didn't sleep very well last night. I'm hoping that it's the result of starting medication that I've not been on for like... 6 weeks or more.

At end of day, I AM feeling some fatigue, and I'm going to try a couple of things to help me get to sleep faster and easier. We'll see how it goes.

Focus was good today. I felt accomplished at work because I had managed to take care of a decent amount of the workload.

There was some increase in hand tremors, but not as bad as yesterday. I'm assuming it's because I ate something early on.

I took my medicine at about 8:30 am and ate a little something at about 9:30, that way it wouldn't be as likely to interfere with the medication. If it did, oh well. Maybe THAT is what will help me sleep.

Tonight's plan for sleep: Put on gentle music that will turn itself off with a sleep timer Take some antihistamines to help make me drowsy

We'll see how well it works for me. I intend to take my meds tomorrow, but not over the weekend. That way, if I don't get to sleep well tonight or tomorrow, I can have a better shot at it Saturday night.

#ADD #ADHD #Attention Deficit Disorder #Attention Deficit Hyperactive Disorder #Medication #Journal #Smokey's ADD Meds Journey #Sleep is the elusive game that I hunt but cannot catch #Racing thoughts suck #They're not unpleasant thoughts #Just random and rapid #Oh hey here's an idea for a story #Oh have you considered making this character? #You forgot to pick up milk while you were at the store #I LIKE CHEESE #Here's a list of 100 things you need to do when you clock in for work #SHUT UP BRAIN I AM TRYING TO SLEEP #DON'T MAKE ME GET THE HOSE

[thetreetopinn]

My ADD Medication Journey - Jan 1, 2024

1/1/2024 – Monday

Happy new year!

Slept pretty poorly, spent a lot of the time lying awake trying to sleep

Managed to lose consciousness a few times, but not long enough to be a proper sleep

Ended up staying in bed later to compensate

Morning dose taken at about 10 am

Appetite was suppressed and forgot to eat lunch

Tremors intensified for a short while, then calmed down again

Went to the grocery store to pick up some staples I ran out of

Picked up a very late lunch, early dinner while I was out

Will continue to stick with the one dose in the morning, though I may try 2 doses again

While it still affects my sleep, it feels like I might be overcoming the insomnia

Hard to say, will continue trying as opportunities present

#ADD #ADHD #Attention Deficit Disorder #Attention Deficit Hyperactive Disorder #Medication #Journal #Smokey's ADD Meds Journey #The forgetting to eat thing is kind of annoying #I really need to stop doing that #Stupid thing is I know what would help stop it #Living somewhere without stairs #Yes the stairs are keeping me from getting lunch #It's dumb I know #But if my apartment was on one level #I wouldn't feel as repelled by the idea of going DOWNSTAIRS to the kitchen #They're not very good stairs to be honest #The apartment is very shit #Can't wait to move out

[thetreetopinn]

My ADD Medication Journey - Dec 21, 2023

12/21/2023 – Thursday

1st dose taken at 8:30 am

Slept better last night, especially since I went to bed much earlier than typical

Today should be a smoother day at work

I should be able to take a normal lunch break

Somewhat hectic day at work again today

Lunch was taken late – 2:30 pm

Tremors were pretty pronounced throughout

Likely because it's cold, I haven't eaten, and the meds

Eased down around when I ate lunch

Mood is good, focus is good

I would very much like to get to a point where I have a very regular schedule

Once I'm done training my coworker, I should be able to arrange for that

Cooked dinner and finished eating by 6:30

Noticed dry mouth during the morning this week

#ADD #ADHD #Attention Deficit Disorder #Attention Deficit Hyperactive Disorder #Medication #Journal #Smokey's ADD Meds Journey #Really ready for work to calm down #At least it's not what it was in August #Let's not do August again #Gonna try two doses tomorrow if it works out

[thetreetopinn]

My ADD Medication Journey - Dec 20, 2023

12/20/2023 – Wednesday

1st dose taken at 7:30 am

Didn't sleep particularly well despite only taking one dose yesterday

Planned on eating both granola bars at work after enough time had passed

Started eating one at about 9:30, didn't get to the second

Didn't notice any uptick in tremors at this time

Today was a very busy, very hectic day with a few deadlines I NEEDED to beat

Ended up not taking my lunch break until 3:15

Tremors picked up the longer I went without eating

It was still unpleasantly cold in the office so that didn't help

Focus and mood were good but I did notice a small uptick I irritability

This was specific to a certain co-worker who tends to make problems

Noticed this mild irritation elsewhere as well but not enough to feel like I had prior to starting my meds

Assuming this is because I didn't sleep very well and the stress level of the day

Working from home tomorrow so it should be an easier day

Probably going to go to bed earlier than normal tonight

Very lazy night, not much will to do anything, very fatigued

#ADD #ADHD #Attention Deficit Disorder #Attention Deficit Hyperactive Disorder #Medication #Journal #Smokey's ADD Meds Journey #Just really tired #Today was A DAY #At least I don't need to do lots of overtime #Hope I sleep like a log

[thetreetopinn]

My ADD Medication Journey - Dec 11, 2023

2/11/2023 – Monday

Woke up shortly before my alarm went off, actually slept.

Single dose in the morning and no dose in the afternoon prevents insomnia.

Will continue with this until Friday. Will attempt two doses to see if insomnia returns.

Hoping that the insomnia is the body not being used to the change in brain chemistry and that a week of only a single dose helps acclimate to it.

Ate a couple of granola bars before taking the morning dose.

Dose taken at 7:45 am after eating two granola bars

Did not start to feel the effects until about 9 am

Digestion seems to delay the onset

Appetite suppression is diminished

Correlating eating prior or at the same time of taking dose with reduced appetite suppression

This will help keep me from forgetting to eat

Mild increase in tremors—assuming either because 'breakfast' was light or because medication affects brain chemistry in a similar fashion to either low blood sugar or increased excitement/arousal.

Known instances when tremors are more pronounce: When very hungry (assuming low blood sugar) When very stressed/angry/agitated (assuming raised blood pressure) When very excited Elevated positive mood, heightened enthusiasm, perceived sense of urgency

Current mood is relatively calm, but generally positive

Possible combination of medication and light 'breakfast'

Will need to try eating larger breakfast to test theory

A cursory google search shows that Adderall can increase metabolism

This would explain much of my experience

Felt hungry like normal, at lunch at 12:15 pm

Tremors eased down after eating

Online community has been sharing information with me about ADD meds and interactions

There is documentation that certain foods interfere with Adderall

Largely anything with Vitamin C

This can also include shelf-stable items like pop-tarts, power bars, and granola bars I may very well be sabotaging my medication Will try oatmeal for breakfast instead

Extremely grateful of the fact that I have been sharing this log with others and asking advice

Information has been provided that can help me adjust my habits to maximize the benefit

Diet, timing, setting a schedule for certain activities, etc.

#ADD #ADHD #Attention Deficit Disorder #Attention Deficit Hyperactive Disorder #Medication #Journal #Smokey's ADD Meds Journey #Well shit #These meds should come with pamphlets #At least there's tumblr #Thank you for sharing your ADD wisdom with me

[thetreetopinn]

My ADD Medication Journey - Dec 9 & 10 2023

12/9/2023 – Saturday

Repeat of the previous night, no success in finding sleep

Laid in bed, trying to drift off, and it's possible I did briefly here and there, but I only recall being awake for the majority of the night

The sleep aid had no tangible impact, possibly unable to overcome the Adderall's lingering effects

It's the weekend, I'm going to skip taking my meds today

The hope is that I will give myself enough time to work any lingering traces out of my system and I will be able to actually sleep tonight

Much stronger tremors this morning, finding it difficult to type, likely due to low blood sugar

Ate a couple of granola bars to help mitigate tremors

Visited parents for essentially the full day

Mood was stable and positive

At about 6:30 pm, started feeling fatigue—"couch gravity", a good sign that I might actually sleep tonight.

No sign of physical symptoms described during Thursday and Friday, assuming effects of medication are fully cleared.

If I sleep properly tonight, will resume medication tomorrow, only 1 dose in the morning.

Went to bed around 10:30 pm

12/10/2023 – Sunday

Woke up around 9am, I was able to successfully sleep and just let my body decide when it wanted to get up.

Ate something shortly after waking up and took the morning dose.

Will not be taking the afternoon dose to see if just the morning pill affects my sleep.

Morning dose taken around 10am

Decided to take the morning easy, wait for the meds to start up

Ran some errands around noon, noticed my tremors are stronger than baseline

Assuming this is because I have not eaten lunch

Will pick up lunch and re-evaluate after eating

Tremors seemed to diminish back to baseline a while after eating—around 2-2:30 pm

Uncertain if this is a matter of eating, or if the medication has worn off.

If it's because I've eaten, that suggests the increased tremor issue is not a DIRECT result of the medication, but an INDIRECT issue, due to altered appetite.

If it's because the medicine has worn off, will need to discuss the situation at follow-up.

More data is needed to get a clearer picture.

#ADD #ADHD #Attention Deficit Disorder #Attention Deficit Hyperactive Disorder #Medication #Journal #Smokey's ADD Meds Journey #Finally slept properly #Trying to find a balance #Don't want to deal with insomnia again

[thetreetopinn]

My ADD Medication Journey - Dec 8, 2023

It's only about 8:30 pm right now, but I'm probably going to go to bed soon so I very very likely won't have any new observations to share.

Observations:

Was not able to sleep. Laid down and put in every effort to sleep, but never drifted off. Full night of insomnia.

Will continue medication but will also take melatonin tonight before bed.

Ate a couple of small granola bars before taking morning dose.

1st dose taken at approximately 8:30 am

No light-headedness like yesterday

Appetite suppression is not as prominent today, will continue to monitor

Kept a bowl of dry cereal (Crispix) on hand to slowly nibble on throughout the day.

As of 11:30 am, can confirm that appetite is very much present as would be normal

This may be due to eating something before taking the 1st dose, or slowly snacking on the bowl of cereal out of a need for calories due to yesterday's lack

Will continue to observe how appetite is affected based on when and how much I eat near, before, or after taking the morning dose

2nd dose taken at 1:15--almost forgot

Did not really notice any symptoms or changes, was far too distracted by work (more running a training class, and then heavy research)

Around 5 pm, started to feel a curious tactile sensation that I can't quite articulate, the best I can try is "I am more aware of my skin now"

It isn't uncomfortable or painful, but just slightly odd, like how I'm processing sensation is just tweaked just a little bit.

Mild fatigue setting in around 6-6:30, assuming the medication is starting to wear off and the lack of sleep is catching up with me.

I did better about making sure I ate today, hand tremors were less pronounced than yesterday, but still slightly heightened, likely because of lower than average blood sugar.

Took a shower and experienced a drastic change in sensation--the feeling of spray on the back of my head, neck, and shoulders was substantially more pleasant and relaxing.

This experience was shocking, taking me completely by surprise. Though it only lasted about 20-30 seconds before it slowly drifted back down to the normal level.

By 7:30, the lack of sleep the previous night was catching up with me. I had planned on doing overtime due to workload at work, but the fatigue has caught up with me so I bowed out.

I'm noticing that it's much easier to get goosebumps. It's not unpleasant or uncomfortable and it doesn't impact my ability to function, but I'm very aware of it.

I had planned on taking a sleep aid tonight, but I may not need it. I will reserve the right to change my mind if I find I can't fall asleep or stay asleep.

Was mistaken thinking I had melatonin, when I have an antihistamine packaged as a night time sleep aid--diphenhydamine 25mg per tablet, following recommended dosage of 2 tablets before bed

#ADD #ADHD #Attention Deficit Disorder #Attention Deficit Hyperactive Disorder #Medication #Journal #Smokey's ADD Meds Journey #OH MY GOD THE SHOWER WAS SO GOOD #PLEASE TELL ME THAT IS GOING TO STICK AROUND #I COULD HAVE JUST MELTED #Funky tactile sensory perception is funky #Goosebumps all over the place #Exhausted from insomnia #Zzzzzzzzz

[thetreetopinn]

My ADD Medication Journey Begins

I got a physical back in early August this year. While I was there, I reminded my doctor "Hey, any chance you could maybe get me the contact details for that specialist you mentioned last year so I can get an evaluation to see if I'm ADHD or ASD?". He immediately remembered that I had asked about that last year and promised he would get me her card.

Well, it slipped is mind back then, and even though I called and emailed a few times, he just didn't seem to respond.

Oh hey, turns out HE has ADD and HE takes medication. Sometimes he just forgets because he deals with a lot of patients. It wasn't anything super hardcore pressing to me, so I just let it go after a while and decided to ask when I went in for my next physical.

When I brought it up this time, he stopped me mid-sentence, walked out of the room, and returned about two minutes later with the specialist's business card. He apologized for not getting it to me sooner, advised that I should call her as soon as I leave his office, try to schedule an appointment with her, and get an evaluation done. He said that if it turns out she thinks I am in fact ADD or ASD, that I should call his office just as soon as I get out with the diagnosis, and we would have a conversation about medication.

Well, we had a conversation about medication right then and there anyway, but it still was worth calling and talking about anyway.

I called the specialist and left a message--this was around 11am.

I got a call back from her receptionist about 30 minutes later--they have an opening that day! It's around 4 or so. I tell them "YES! I WOULD LIKE TO SCHEDULE TODAY IF THAT IS OKAY!"

They slot me in. It futz around that side of town because i live in a big city that is extremely car-centric (thank you good ole US of A... [sarcasm]) and show up at her office about 15 minutes early. I don't have anything better to do, so I show up that early. I also like being early to doctor appointments because you never know what the situation will be. They may have a patient cancel and you get seen earlier. It may be that the doctor is running behind so you have to wait anyway. You might have issues fighting traffic to get there (again, thanks... Uncle Sam). I just like being early for this kind of thing.

I end up waiting the full 15 minutes that I was early because the doctor was with another patient. When she's ready, she calls me back. I don't have to wait a silly amount of time, she's just ready to see me.

We have a conversation. She goes over her pre-written questionnaire. I answer the questions to the best of my ability. I try to be honest. I try to give as much accuracy as I can and confess my lack of answer when I don't have one but try to cobble something together to provide SOME kind of insight for the question.

About 15 minutes pass as we talk. She's very affable, friendly, funny, she actually laughs at my stupid dorky humor. She asks me what I do for a living, and what I've done in the past. I explain my last few jobs and how they have not gone well for me.

She looks me in the eye and says "those are all extremely detail oriented jobs... how are you able to do them?"

Half joking, half serious, I reply with "I'm not!"

The truth is, I find little hacks and tricks to try and keep myself on task, to minimize mistakes, maximize accuracy, try to maintain a calm demeanor... but that has always been a problem for me, especially when I'm under a heavy workload... or when I'm taking a hundred calls a day from people who are just looking for someone to scream at and make actionable threats against--despite the fact that I have no power over their case, I can only get them to the person who IS handling their case. I'm just a glorified receptionist in that specific role--a role I was fired from several years ago, and fuck did it knock the wind out of me.

She looks over her notes for a moment, then looks back at me and says "Yeah, I'd say you are DEFINITELY on the spectrum, and I think you might benefit from some medication. I think you should start on Adderall, low dose, see how it affects you. Have you talked to your PCP yet?"

(I had to have it explained to me to know what that means so I'm going to just go ahead and say for anyone else who might not know and is too afraid to as: PCP = Primary Care Physician... basically, the one doctor you see regularly, if you're lucky enough to be able to do so. I went YEARS without having a PCP because insurance is a fucking nightmare)

I explained to her what he had advised, that all I had to do was call him after I got out, explain that you confirmed I'm on the spectrum and that you think I should try Adderall, which is what he recommended too. We would discuss it, answer my questions and concerns, then he would put in a prescription at the pharmacy I had on file. I didn't need to go back to his office to do it. He would just forward it over.

This whole day kind of amazed me.

I had heard all manner of horror stories about how hard it is to get evaluated as an adult. Then how hard it was to get prescribed medication. THEN there's the fact that there is STILL an Adderall shortage going on. It's not as bad as it was, but it's still causing problems.

I call my doctor as soon as I'm out--he's already gone for the day but I leave a message explaining the situation. The specialist forwards confirmation of the diagnosis over to his office, it's all in order.

And then I wait. And wait. And wait. And wait. After two weeks, I try to call his office to try and catch him for a conversation. Have to leave a message. I do this every couple of weeks until about the end of September when HE calls ME back while I'm working from home and while I pace around my bedroom chatting with him about the situation, he tells me everything I want to know, what to expect, what to do if I have trouble getting medication, it's all groovy. He says he wants to have a follow-up with me--if I recall correctly it can be just over the phone, I don't need to go into the office I don't think. I'm sure I'll find out later--once I've been on the medication and have enough experience with it to see how it's affecting me, then we can adjust dosage or try something else, or maybe I'm good with the 20mg twice daily situation. He wants to follow-up and see.

He says he's going to forward the prescription over that day. And so he does.

It's a pharmacy that's in a grocery store. I've gotten one or two prescriptions filled there before. It's fine. Nothing to write home about. This grocery store I will not openly name, but it rhymes with Dom Crumb... those of you who live in the southeast United States probably already know exactly which store I'm talking about... and how it shares a name with a character from English folklore about a very tiny lad about the size of one's... well... only opposable digit on their hand.

The pharmacy does not call. I figure, okay, they just don't have any medication in stock. There's a shortage after all... all us millennials are eating it all up because holy fuck do we need some help just being able to function HAHAHAHA LATE STAGE CAPITALISM ISN'T PURPOSEFULLY OVERLY COMPLEX AND TRAUMATIZING AT ALL!!

So I wait about a week, then I try to call, but their automated system doesn't give me the option to speak to a pharmacist, a tech, a live person at all. It doesn't even let me leave a message. Fun.

I decide to go in person after work. It's just around the corner, picked because of how close and convenient it is. I shop there all the time anyway. I wait patiently behind other folks, then politely explain my situation to the lady behind the counter and she--very helpfully--starts looking up information and goes into the back to see if they have any in stock.

Alas, they do not. She also advises me that there is a hold on my prescription BECAUSE they don't have any in stock, and that there are other prescriptions ahead of me, so depending on how much they get in their next delivery, I might not be filled at that time and have to wait longer.

Again, this is no big deal to me. I understand. Supply chain issues. Greedy pharmaceutical companies not producing enough because it probably increases demand--or maybe they just underestimated how absolutely and deeply FUCKED my generation is. I tell them I'll check back in a couple of weeks.

So I wait. A couple of weeks pass. I check. Still none in stock. This repeats SEVERAL TIMES until THE WEEK OF THANKSGIVING.

I remind you--I got an evaluation and diagnosis back in early August. It is now LATE NOVEMBER and they finally say they have some in stock. The lady asks if I can wait. I tell her I've got some shopping to do and I'll wander on back later.

I do my shopping. I wait patiently. I do my thing. I come back and the lady flags me down.

"We do have it in stock but... I'm afraid your prescription has expired. You'll need to get a new one from your doctor."

UGH... are you kidding me?!?

I comport myself well. I'm understanding and polite. It's been a long while, sure, and I'm hugely disappointed, but I understand. Out of curiosity, I ask when the prescription expired.

She says it ended back at the end of September.

***GIANT. FUCKING. EYE-TWITCH.***

Again, I comport myself well in public. Inside, I'm FUMING.

WHY WOULD THEY NOT TELL ME THAT MY PRESCRIPTION HAD EXPIRED DURING ANY OF MY LAST FIVE VISITS?

Whatever... whatever, they probably don't check the paperwork until the meds arrive. Fine.

I call my doctor's office, worried I'm going to have a hell of a time getting someone to help me out just like it took so long to have the convo with my doc in the first place.

I get a call back--I forget exactly when. It might have been same day. It might have been the next. It might have been a couple of days. Regardless, it's a lot sooner than I feared.

I had left a message explaining the situation and the medical assistant says "I see that you need a new prescription for Adderall. But I also see a note on the file that the doctor wants to follow-up with you before refilling, so we can schedule a time for you to get with him to have that follow-up."

"I mean... okay, if you need to have him sign off on it before you send it, I understand, but the follow-up was to check on me after I had started it and been taking it for a while to see how I was doing. I haven't even GOTTEN the medication yet. I haven't been able to START taking it yet. Is there any way you can send a new prescription to my pharmacy so I get this ball rolling?"

He realizes he misread the transcription of the message: "OOOH... you haven't even GOTTEN it yet?!? WOW... okay yeah, we'll go ahead and submit a new prescription for you."

Our communication mishap is resolved, we end the call in a jovial fashion, I'm feeling pretty mildly okay. Things have been super stressful elsewhere in life for the last several months, and have only just really gotten real bad all over again and so if this is one thing I can get settled... I'm down to clown.

I get a call from the pharmacy THAT. DAY. Not even three hours later.

Fucking baller. Love it.

The pharmacy says they can't fill my prescription.

...wat...

They cite some law about needing to be within 20 miles of the prescribing doctor's office because it's a controlled substance.

It's Texas. I 100% believe the asshat lawmakers in this state have ABSOLUTELY taken ridiculously egregious steps to limit access to legally prescribed medications for a wide variety of reasons. No doubt, the front-facing explanation is "We want to make sure no one is using it as precursor to making Meth" and sure... that's a legit concern... but it's 60 pills, 20 mg each, my first prescription. I have no history of getting this anywhere else. I'm literally new to this. It shouldn't raise any red flags.

I'm willing to bet that these same asshat lawmakers also have a pretty dim view of mental health care.

"You don't have ADD, you're just hyper and lazy and undisciplined. You just need Jesus and a boot in the ass. NOW GET TO WORK!!" or some shit like that. Not saying they all think this... but I'm willing to bet a disgustingly shocking number of them do. Don't have proof. Just have experience with how fucked up my state is, and how the dominant party has--as a matter of record--acquitted a man who is credibly accused of getting an underage girl drunk and taking advantage of her. I won't use the R word here because I know some folks are triggered by it, but yeah... that's what he did. That's the state I live in. And moving out of state is prohibitively expensive... also, I wouldn't know where the fuck to go. My job is here. I can't take it with me I'm pretty sure, despite working part of every week from home.

Anyway, getting into the weeds: shit's fucked, yo.

The pharmacy won't fill the prescription. I frantically start trying to find proof of this law. I can't find it. I go on google maps and measure. Straight line from the doctor's office to the grocery store is 16.5 miles. So that's absolute fucking bullshit--unless they're going but like... DRIVEN miles... HORRAY!! MORE LOVE FOR THE CAR-CENTRIC CITY!!!

I call up my doctor's office and leave another message. I explain that the pharmacy says they can't fill it because of some 20 mile law. It's Friday. I know the doctor isn't in the office. I'm not expecting a call back that day.

As a fact finding mission--not really expecting to get any movement or satisfying answer--after I get off work, I go over to a local Walgreens. It's literally a block from where I live, even closer than the grocery store. The pharmacy is open until 9pm. I go in, I wait in line, and then I ask the pharmacy if they have Adderall in stock, if they know anything about a 20 mile law, and explain that the Rom Bum just down the street is cock blocking me on getting my brain fixed.

He's very disappointed to hear this. He doesn't know anything about a ***20*** mile law, but he's heard of a ***50*** mile law. I try to look this up later but I can't find anything about it either. Maybe I'm not searching in the right places. Maybe it's not a law, maybe it's a store policy and the pharmacists just SAY it's a law? I don't know. The Walgreens pharmacist gives me all kinds of options to get around the Adderall shortage--because it's specifically the 20mg he's having trouble keeping in stock. He offers the suggestion of different dosages taken at different frequencies. I politely tell him "Well, this is what my doctor wants me to start on to see how it affects me. Maybe we can adjust later once we know more."

He accepts this, apologizes that I've had so much trouble at the other place, and says "Yeah, if we can get someone at your doctor's office on the phone to confirm--because it's a controlled substance--then we should be able to fill it no problem if we have it in stock."

I thank you for his help and go home. I go to bed, unbelievably livid over this whole situation. Like... all day since I got the call from Gom Rum... I'm just... infuriated. I want to scream. I actually do scream, into one of my pillows. I want to break things. So I grab my pillow and start slamming it on to my mattress as hard as I can until I wear myself out. This is the only thing I will allow myself to do because I'm not apt to break anything--and yeah... I have anger issues. I have a BREATHTAKING temper. From what I understand, emotional disregulation is another symptom of ADD or ASD so... hey, it's in my fucking wheelhouse.

I knock my glasses off in the wild swinging of my arms to get some sense of physical satisfaction in wanting to do harm. I step on them and knock a lens out. Thankfully, it pops back in, but I have bent the frame just EVER so slightly and so I'm going to have to figure out how to bend it back so my glasses are more level on my face.

This is why I need to get my shit handled. This is why I self-isolate. This is why I stay away from people. Because I do shit LIKE THIS and I just... cannot control my temper sometimes. It's frustrating and it leaves me absolutely hating myself for failing to keep it together, for breaking something, for losing my cool, for letting the mask slip and showing the monster underneath. I'm told that ADD medication can help with this.

That bit doesn't click until much, much later. At any rate, I'm absolutely exhausted, angry, depressed, and thinking I should just give up on this whole endeavor because I've got too much other shit to put up with to deal with this nonsense as well.

I hold off on making any decision on that for the moment, because decisions made while emotional are frequently regretted. Ask me how I know.

The weekend passes and I just kind of sit in a funk the whole time. Nothing seems fun or enjoyable. Nothing holds my interest. I just coast through the weekend watching Youtube mainly.

When Monday comes... there's no return call from the doctor's office all day. Tuesday, I call and leave a message again. No call back the rest of the day. That's not unexpected, but it's still disappointing and it's getting me pissed off all over again. The decision to give up is gaining popularity in my brain.

Wednesday morning, at about 8:45 am, I've only just gotten into the office, I'm setting up, my phone is set to vibrate--but stupidly, I didn't learn my lesson from the lengthy game of phone tag back in September--the doctor's office calls.

I miss the call. ...FUCK...

I see the notification pop up on the screen after the fact, saying I have a voicemail. I lock my computer and hurry off to some quiet place where I can have a phone call without disturbing everyone else on the floor. I call, expecting to have to leave another message.

They pick up.

They actually pick up. Holy shit, red letter day, I've got a live person on the phone.

They say they got my message, they ask me a few questions like "Are they just saying they need to delay? They need more time?"

I tell them, "No... they are straight up refusing to fill the prescription because of some 20 mile law I can't find on the books, and the pharmacy is 16.5 miles from your office. I don't get it. I don't understand why I'm having so much trouble. Can we move it to a different pharmacy? I'm kind of done with this place."

The lady on the phone is disappointed and disturbed by this information, so she happily lets me pick a new pharmacy. It just so happens that because of my little fact-finding mission Friday night, I have one already picked out. I give her the details, she confirms, it's all good, she says she'll send it over that day.

At least I've got the doctor's office side of this taken care of. Now we just wait to see how Walgreens decides to dick me over.

Sports-fans, you will never guess what happens next.

I have another missed call at 3pm that same day.

It's Walgreens.

I have an email from them too.

MY PRESCRIPTION IS READY TO PICK UP.

THEY FILLED IT WITHIN 6 HOURS OF RECEIVING IT. IT'S READY. I CAN GO PICK IT UP TONIGHT!!! HOLY SHIT!! OH MY GOD IT'S A MOTHER FUCKING MIRACLE!!!

Unfortunately, I have another errand to run and I don't know how long it will take to get that sorted out. I have to drop my car off to get some maintenance done on it. Something about the CV boots leaking grease on the engine... the place actually showed me photos of my car doing this when I got the oil changed a month back. I didn't have the money at the moment to take it on so I decided "Let me save up a couple of paychecks and we'll tackle it... possibly December, no later than January. I don't drive that much. My commute to work is 10 minutes on the side roads. I can wait a bit longer than most."

Well, the situation happened to yield good results, I was able to get the money I need in my bank account to pay for the maintenance. I just needed to drop the car off overnight. They'd get it fixed over the course of half a day, call me when it's ready, and I can come pick it up. They even set me up with a loaner car in the interim... and fuck did I stress the hell out about my complex possibly towing it because I didn't get back home until after the front office was closed (it wouldn't have made any difference to call ahead of time, I wouldn't have the loaner car's details to give them).

I get the loaner, I head back up towards where I work, pass it, and go the other direction towards home... fun stuff needing to go in the opposite direction of home to do something right after work. Makes everything take so much longer to get done, but whatever. I've got the loaner, my car is gonna get worked on, I'll get it back tomorrow unless there's something that throws a monkey wrench into the plan.

I head up to Walgreens, I get my prescription. I go to a bookstore to buy a physical copy of "Project Hail Mary" because the audiobook I've got is damn good and I want a physical version I can hold... just in case... you know... Audible/Amazon decides to be a colossal dick. Then I pick up dinner. Tacos, from a really good taco place. I'm celebrating the fact that this whole Adderall thing has actually finally paid off. Now I just need to start taking it to see how it affects me.

That will come in the morning.

For now, tacos and tatter tots. Oh and youtube, lots of youtube. I watch lots of stuff on youtube. And the whole Somerton situation has shaken loose a lot of videos from a lot of people talking about it. And happily, it's not just rehashing the same details. They're all looking at it from different angles. Like "Why did we fall for this?" "How do we move forward?" "What should we as leftists do to try and keep this from happening again?" "What changes can and should we make?" stuff like that. It's great. I love seeing people try to problem solve rather than just try to dog-pile on. It's real NASA level shit and I'm a space nerd so NASA is my jam--as is their approach to so much of what they do. Just ask me about how I help my mom plan to cook large meals for holidays... I call it a flight plan... and it's one, giant recipe, planning out what needs to be done in what order, starting with prep and ending with service. Love me a good flight plan.

Just almost never have the will, interest, or focus to build flight plans for other aspects of my life, so I just end up winging it a lot. It works okay, but not always.

That's one reason why I wanna try the Adderall I've got sitting on my desk staring at me while I've got a mouth full of taco.

Among other reasons. I hear it's a mild appetite suppressant, and if it helps keep me from snacking between meals, hey, I might just lose a little weight, make my pants fit a little better, get some flexibility back. But... tomorrow. Not now. Now, I need to be able to sleep.

And sleep I do, grateful that at least one major issue has finally FINALLY been dealt with and I can actually FINALLY START this journey properly.

From early August to early December. Roughly four whole months, and I am less than 12 hours away from starting a medication that may help me get my brain to act a bit better, help me focus, help me even my temper out, help me lose weight--I honestly don't know what all it might do... hell, it might not do anything. I could have no reaction. Or an allergic reaction. No way to tell. That last one is super rare, but... with my luck and my allergies... I don't rule it out and keep in mind that I might need to call for rescue if I have a problem.

That was last night.

Today was my first day on the meds.

I've started a log of what I notice while I'm on the pill.

I'm going to collect data, review it, share it with my doctor, and we can make whatever decision best addresses what I find.

So far though, I'm encouraged. I'm very encouraged. It didn't have any shocking, intensely powerful effect... it's just been one day. I'm told it takes a week or two for the dosage to build up and start showing signs.

But what I've experienced so far... I'm encouraged.

It's hard to tell if it was because of the medicine, or if it was just because I had a really good day at work, but I'm energized, I'm enthusiastic, I have energy again... and I... may have... forgotten to eat my lunch (I did a lot of training today, people learning how to do workflows that I have information on, so I didn't have much time to stop and eat). The appetite suppressant aspect kept me from feeling hungry, so I wasn't distracted by that. That was nice.

We'll see how tomorrow goes.

Let me know if you'd like to read what I've got in my log. I feel like this might be info that other folks could find helpful or useful... or maybe more experienced ADD folks on the same medication can offer advice for how I can maximize what benefits I get from this... or share things to watch out for.

I'm new to this, and I'd love feed back.

Let me know if you wanna read the log. I don't really care about being too insanely private about it--though I don't have anything too revealing in it, nor plan on putting anything too revealing in it.

Anyway... yeah... long post is long.

This is probably the longest thing I've written since... fuck... February? March? And I felt good writing it.

Again, not sure if it was just how the day went, or if it's the meds.

But I'm hopeful about finding out more.

#Long post #journal #ADD #Attention Deficit Disorder #Attention Deficit Hyperactive Disorder #Personal Journey #Fuck the American health care system #Dragon Rant #Smokey's ADD Meds Journey

[thetreetopinn]

My ADD Medication Journey - Jan 3, 2024

1/3/2024 – Wednesday

Slept better than last night, almost all the way through

Woke up at about 3:30 am and remembered I needed to reserve my desk at work

Yeah, we do that stupid hoteling thing where you have to persistently reserve a desk

And we don't have enough desks for all the people that have to come into the office

So if you don't reserve a desk, you don't get a desk, you have to use one of the other spaces

Spaces that are not conducive to getting your work done

And the app unlocks the available week (two weeks from now) at midnight on Wednesday

I didn't stay up late enough to do it at midnight so it's good I woke up when I did

If I had waited until my alarm went off, I'd have missed the chance to get my desk

This system sucks and I hate it and you can't even personalize your desk anymore

Morning dose taken at 7:45 am

I remembered to eat a granola bar after I got into the office, was around 9am or so

Mood was good, focus was good

Didn't see much of an uptick in tremors

Remembered to eat lunch at noon again

It helps when you don't have a lot of people pulling your attention everywhere

Very productive day despite needing to field several questions

Energy stayed pretty good after I got home

Might actually try to do some writing tonight

#ADD #ADHD #Attention Deficit Disorder #Attention Deficit Hyperactive Disorder #Medication #Journal #Smokey's ADD Meds Journey #Hoteling sucks and the guy who came up with it should be ashamed #So much 10 Minute Power Hour while working today #Arin reminds me of a friend of mine #There are many changes coming to work soon

[thetreetopinn]

My ADD Medication Journey - Dec 31, 2023

12/31/2023 – Sunday

Slept mainly okay, but not as long as I probably should have

I stayed up far too late, need to stop doing that

Morning dose taken at 9 am

Going to try taking another dose at 1 pm, another test for insomnia

I SHOULD have taken my morning dose earlier so the afternoon dose could be earlier too

Didn't wake up early enough to do so, but I have Monday off so it will be okay

Appetite suppression keeping me from being too hungry but still ate around noonish

Afternoon dose taken around 1 pm

After I ate lunch, I did a bunch of cooking to prep for the coming weeks

Cleaned up the kitchen, prepped and packed food, ran the dishwasher

Spent much of my downtime catching up on the Christmas movies & tv shows I didn't get to

Chatted with a few new friends I met via social media

Ate dinner around 7 pm

Did not notice any uptick in tremors

Energy level was good all day long

Looking forward to seeing how the next year goes if I can stay on my medication

I'll be interested to hear if my doctor suggests a different dosage

I will also be very interested to see if I can actually sleep properly tonight

Felt tired enough to need to go to sleep, hoping that I actually do sleep

#ADD #ADHD #Attention Deficit Disorder #Attention Deficit Hyperactive Disorder #Medication #Journal #Smokey's ADD Meds Journey #Was a productive day in the kitchen #Plenty of stuff to take for lunches #Actually tired and hope I sleep #Would love to actually be up to the dosage the doctor prescribed

[thetreetopinn]

My ADD Medication Journey - Dec 30, 2023

Forgot to post this yesterday because I was wrapped up in a personal project.

12/30/2023 – Saturday

Had another somewhat unsatisfying night's sleep

Combination of noise from outside and mind kind of refusing to stop processing

Nothing intrusive or unpleasant, things like "I should do this and this and this tomorrow"

Decided to lounge in bed later than usual to offset

Morning does taken at 10 am

Lazy day, relaxed to recoup from a very busy week

Didn't notice any serious uptick in tremors

Appetite was suppressed but managed to remember to eat around 2pm or so

Purchased some computer equipment to finally tackle a project I've been waiting on

Spent the evening working on this project—learning curve

Ate dinner around 6:30 – 7 pm

Stayed up later than I should have trying to get past the learning curve on the project

#ADD #ADHD #Attention Deficit Disorder #Attention Deficit Hyperactive Disorder #Medication #Journal #Smokey's ADD Meds Journey #Days off are nice #I can afford to buy the stuff for my project #Plex server upgrade #I've never used Linux before #Thankfully it has its own graphical interface I can kind of intuit my way through #Oh my god moving so much media takes SO LONG