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starwikia · 2 months

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suicide cw

look i have been in this area before mentally. it sucks and i wouldn’t wish this on anyone. but, and this is going to sound callous, but i don’t feel any sympathy for james somerton. even if i hope he’s like. not dead. But thats all the amount of goodwill im willing to give him. The more i think about this really, the more angry i am.

ngl this entire situation is another example of how white people weaponize their mental illness to avoid consequences. Im seeing it in real time.

this man has a continuous habit of using self-harm as a get-out-of-jail-for-free card. in both of his apologies, he has worded his supposed attempts in ways that were clearly meant to guilt people who displayed his plagiarism and overall horrendous history of racism and misogyny. i say supposed because, while i’m not saying those are lies and this would he such a fucked up thing to lie about that i don’t want to think he has, unfortunately, it’s been proven again and again that his word can’t be trusted, as he’s known to lie to try get out of consequences. Hes a proven liar. him lying about this is actually the best case scenario, because no one should go through this entire situation, wouldnt wish this on anyone, but you can only do this so often before people stop sympathizing with you. is this callous? Yeah, but like. I’m actually fucking angry he cant straight up take no as an answer. that this is how he reacts realizing he cant be one of the Cool Kidz™️ on youtube anymore. he acts like he DESERVES a career, like its not a privilege hes lost due to his own actions.

He lied about apologizing and forgiving people, he lied about giving the money to hbomberguy to give to ppl he ripped off (yknow, instead of doing it himself), he lied about the jessie gender situation and rewrote the narrative to make it so he isnt the bad guy, and hes the victim all along actually!

you can’t tell me that supposed last message of his isn’t meant to be a 13 reasons why esq attempt to deflect the blame “look i’m going to kill myself and it’s all YOUR PEOPLES FAULT for not letting me achieve my DREAM of being filmmaker IN PEACE!!! I just wanted Nick’s (the guy who I have thrown under the bus again and again) portfolio up!! Im just being a good friend dont you all FEEL BAD” he refuses to take ANY ACCOUNTABILITY of any of his actions and he IS STILL trying to shove the blame over to other people again.

it’s also pretty ironic people are like “uhhh well hbomber’s fans harassed him!!!” like hbomber outright told people NOT to HARASS JAMES!!! ALSO acting as if james doesn’t have a very real documented history of STRAIGHT UP sending his fans to harass and threaten smaller creators, more notably women, trans, and bipoc creators. especially after he’s stolen typically very personal anecdotes so he could profit from them. so why can he do it but the second people are like “hey this guys an actual piece of shit.” and he can’t handle it suddenly people are trying to white knight his shit? like no he doesn’t get that. he doesn’t get that at all just because he couldn’t handle the consequences of his actions.

what? were supposed to stay quiet about a man profiting off of other minorities because he wanted to be the spokesman for all gay people? people tried to solve this on a smaller, more private scales for YEARS and he kept doing it. it was clear that the giant public video was the ONLY way to get people to notice. HE WOULDVE GOTTEN AWAY WITH STEALING 87 FUCKING THOUSANDS WORTH OF DOLLARS. HE CANT HANDLE THE FACT HE CANT GET AWAY WITH IT.

am i supposed to feel bad for the guy who basically threatened a trans woman with the police? i don’t care what anyone says, it’s so fucking obvious that he threatened jessie by implying he was getting the police involved in their conflict. what am i supposed to act like that didn’t happen? are we supposed to pretend like he didn’t glorify nazi’s and outright said that gay people made up a good chunk of the nazis? That he didnt say america joined ww2 bc they were jealous of the NAZIS. WHAT WOULD POSSESS YOU TO FUCKING SAY THAT. but then? He gives women (not even women most of the time, he misgenders nonbinary ppl constantly) shit for writing mlm. are we supposed to act like he doesn’t straight-up sees himself superior and better than people of color and steals their works to put himself on a pedestal? Are we supposed to act like he didnt spit on our elders by saying “only the boring gays survived aids” like man! Fuck you! He BLANTANTLY MAKES UP HISTORY TO PUT HIMSELF ON A PEDESTAL!! HE ACTIVELY TRIED TO REWRITE LGBT HISTORY TO SUIT HIS FUCKED UP NARRATIVES!

yes this sucks ! no one deserves this but no one should be making him a martyr. Thats what he fucking WANTS! He wants to be immortalized as a victim!! (again, supposedly, it was reported hes alive but its not confirmed).

The shit he got isnt near the amount of fucking callous behavior hes done again and again. Again, to drill this point, EVEN IF HE DIDNT CALL THE POLICE HE THREATENED A TRANS WOMAN INTO THINKING HE DID!!! The fact he tried to use a head injury to justify years of the outright ghoulish shit fucking astounds me. Why the fuck did anyone in his life thought it was a good idea to let him TRY to come back. in the end, he had options. he didn’t need to try to make a comeback. HE DIDNT NEED TO FUCKING LIE OR IGNORE THE SHIT HE WAS CALLED OUT ON the reality is, he wanted to come back thinking he could shove it under the rug, was told that no dude, you’re not allowed to be a youtuber anymore. you’re done. you need to move on and went full nuclear. it’s not on anyone’s hands but his own. HES BEEN DOING THIS TO HIMSELF!! But nah man we cant call his shit out bc hell may or may not kill himself. Fuck the other minorities who have the same issues but worse and sometimes BECAUSE of him. This is going to SUCKKKK so bad when other ppl, specifically white gays, are going to weaponize this shit to get away with their stuff.

#warning: do not read this post if you want me to be nice to james somerton. i am extremely mean in this post.#before anyone accuses me of shit i legit never contacted him myself or anyone involved. i am someone who witnessed this behavior repeatedly #again. i hope hes alive and well. the fact is him lying about this WOULD BE THE IDEAL SITUATION. BC NO ONE SHOULD GO THROUGH THAT. but.#he HAS to forever be the victim in his eyes. attempting doesnt automatically mean youre free of sin.#its just terrible to see that regardless whether or not he did do it #its very clear his attempts to run away from his consequences are working on some people #we need to acknowledge that if your shitty ex friend can weaponize a threat to kill themselves #so can this internet person after being called out for horrendous shit #like what was the alterative? what were people supposed to fucking do? be nice about it?#yeah as if poc and trans women arent historically given shit for being 'too mean' about wanting justice.#this isnt just the plagiarism this is the fact a white dude has been parading himself as THE speaker for the gays(tm) but has been using hi #gayness to shield himself from his misogyny racism transphobia and antisemitism #its very clear regardless this means that ppl r going to side with him and then give him benefit of doubt #if you cant handle the heat stay out of the fucking kitchen dude. this is the consequences of your fucking actions.#hes a disgusting person who cant handle being told no so hes going to drag everyone down with him #like. idk this entire situation is frustrating to me.#its also frustrating ppl trying to be moral abt it like 'see! i knew this was bad all along!' no you didnt. shut it.#for the record im like mainly talking abt twit watching those spineless uwu cutesy ppl basically saying hes done noting wrong #oh and also alt righters who are clearly weaponinizing this where u know they wouldnt give a shit if a right ytber did this.#james somerton #idk might delete this later its just. ugh...

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the-judicial-assistants-notebook · 1 year

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oh yeah i hate this btw. lmao:

#so she didnt know phoenix had a daughter but she knew kristoph well enough to imitate his voice and parallel his sprites?#cool cool cool aha *explodes*#ema skye #kristoph gavin #ace attorney apollo justice #it's the. implications of it. the idea that phoenix wasnt talking to her and she got assigned to the prosecutor who took him down #and then she has to work with /another/ gavin but this one is. nice. strange maybe but nice.#and the only other person around who seems to fully be on phoenix's side. his one real ally aside from her and one he actually talks to.#her relationship with apollo shows that she's willing to cooperate with DAs so long as they're connected to phoenix and kristoph was #so she probably had no qualms helping him. i wonder how much info about him he got from her and how much he used her #all while exchanging them for little hints about how phoenix was doing and what he was doing and if he was all right #i wonder if she passed the pin phoenix wears in his beanie through kristoph. just to remind him she was still there if he ever needed her #aa4 explain ANYTHING about kristoph challenge (impossible)#im pretty sure she got it from him too? no one else around her really crosses their arms like that.#phoenix doesnt klavier doesnt lana definitely doesnt... mayyyyybe edgeworth? but he tends to tuck his left hand under which is opposite #and the way she folds her arms in the investigation games is different. there she DOES tuck her left hand out of sight like edgeworth #so it's like she did imitate him a little at one point and kristoph somehow overwrote that. like he overwrites miles's place in nick's life #ahaaaa anyway im so normal about them

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widevibratobitch · 6 months

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so i am singing that vitellia in the end... but at what fucking cost.

'you gotta sing this softer'

'what'

'this is mozart'

'this is vitellia'

'this is mozart'

'im singing about how much i hate this mf and want him dead before the end of the day'

'this is mozart'

'i wanna murder a guy'

'this is mozart'

'...'

'softer. gentle. mozart'

'...ok'

#they're killing me here #i already bargained for ONE (1) note in chest (thank you so so much that i am ALLOWED to sing an A3 in chest voice <333) and now THIS #THIS is why people hate mozart. fuck you.#i recorded that rehearsal and the first version sounds SO MUCH BETTER. after i did what she asked me to do its just. so fucking boring.#i hate it here #i love this duet so much but frfr im not sure i wanna do it if i have to do it on their terms.#also like sorry to be a bitch but you're a pianist girl. just stick to your stuff and let me take care of mine.#just because you're playing this like you're constipated because tHiS iS mOzArT doesnt mean the rest of us dont care either.#its possible i never will get the chance to sing the entire vitellia so i want to do justice. as much as im able. to this one chance i get #it took me A Long While to deal with the fact that i wont be able to bark that 'indegno' and 'regno' like i always envisioned.#but like. ok. whatever. i can still make it Entertaining. THIS however. no. no fucking way.#and its not even about me being a big-headed know-it-all who thinks she's better than everyone because. lol and lmao clearly im Not #but this is about having a fucking SOUL. its about actually taking the libretto into consideration too. its about trying to figure out #WHY mozart wrote it the way he did. like sorry but this is another fiordiligi case where its CLEAR that the amplitudes the crazy jumps #are there FOR A REASON. the reason is HE WANTED A CONTRAST. some fucking EMOTION. he sure as hell didnt want it to be Soft And Gentle.#i know it because i talked to him and he told me im right about everything as always and you can eat shit girl bye #grrrrrrrr im so angry #i knos i sound so arrogant here but please. please i just want to make this music fun and enjoyable. i just dont want it to be boring #please understand my vision im begging you

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netrix-at-centric · 1 year

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HE ATE THIS SCENE UP SO MUCH AND HE DESERVES TO FINALLY MFING JUSTICE FOR THIS MAN

ABOUT THIS PARRALEL ,,,

#THE FACTS ITS PARRALELING BACK TO THE FIRST MOVIE??#OH MY FOD I CANT #NAH BECAUSE IM SO GLAD IT WAS ANDY TO BE THE ONE TO DO IT INSTEAD OF EVERYONE ELSE #THE FACT THAT ITS BEEN 34 YEARS AND ANDY SAID HE WAS ALSO TERRIFIED AND SCARED? LIKE ABOUT DAMN TIME HE ACTUALLY FACED HIS FEARS #IK HES NOT ACTUALLY DEAD BUT THE FACT THAT ANDY WAS THE ONE TO DO IT MAKES ME SO HAPPY BECAUSE HE WENT THROUGH SO MUCH #ANDY JUSTICE IS SO IMPORTANT TO ME AND THIS SCENE IS SO MWAHHHH CHEFS KISS FR #chucky tv series #chucky spoilers #chucky #andy barclay #childs play #i cant actually even fathom LITERALLY that andy is so GOOD THIS SEASON??#WITHOUT HIM BEING BARELY PRESENT??#THEY ACTUALLY FUCKING PULLED IT OFF??#THERES SOMETHING SO GOOD ABOUT THIS SCENE ABOUT ANDY AND ACTUALLY COMING TO TERMS AND FACING HIS FEARS ABOUT THE WHOLE SUTATION LIKE OH MY G #GOD THIS SCENE IS GOING TO LIVE RENT FREE SO MUCH IDC #IM SO HAPPY IT WAS ACTUALLY ANDY TO KILL HIM !! LIKE THE WRITERS CHOSE HIM AND IT COULDVE BEEN ANYONE ELSE!! AND THEY PICKED HIM!!!#GOD IM SO HAPPY THEY DIDNT INGORE HIM LIKE IT GENUINELY MAKES ME HAPPY THAT ANDY CHARACTER IS LITERALLY NOT BEING THROWN AROUND #AND HAVING HIM NOT HAVING ANY REVELANCE TO PLOT OR CHR AND THEY DID IT!! LIKE THIS IS IT ISTG #GOD I LOVE HIM SO MUCH THIS SEASON THEY UTILIZED HIM SO MUCH AHHHHHH

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amugoffandoms · 7 months

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DAY FIVE OF MILGRAMTOBER EVERYONE!!

really tried to get something out of this, really wasn't sure what to do today!

Devil's Advocate - idiom, a person who expresses an opinion that disagrees with others so that there will be an interesting discussion about some issue. Historical Context: The Devil's advocate opposed 'God's advocate' (advocatus Dei; also known as the 'Promoter of the Cause'), whose task was to make the argument in favor of canonization. During the investigation of a cause, this task is now performed by the 'Promoter of Justice' (promotor iustitiae), who is in charge of examining the accuracy of the inquiry on the saintliness of the candidate.

Fuuta exhales as he impatiently taps his foot against the floor while staring at the wall across from him.

It's funny. A couple days of days ago, he didn't expect to be in fucking prison. He didn't even... commit murder. But, anyways, what does that matter? There are innocent people here!

"What kind of human rights violation..." Fuuta huffs.

MILGRAM is confining and imprisoning innocent people here! What the fuck kind of… That's wrong! On multiple levels! And, they didn't even them smartphones or computers! What the hell?? They're practically sick in the head for depriving people from the internet.

Everyone's acting like this is a good thing, either to just hang out or be properly judged. How in the slightest is this a good thing???

He's brought this up multiple times just for someone to agree with him and say that this is wrong, but they all seem to just ignore what he says.

It doesn't even matter. He'll fucking scream at the Warden about how wrong this is. He'll be the representative that brings up everything wrong if no one else will. He'll be the one to bring up better treatment.

He needs to make sure everyone knows that they're a prisoner and they need to find a way out because everything here is wrong. He'll shout as loud as he can so everyone can understand that they need to get out of this violation of everyone's rights.

He rubs his eyes as he throws himself onto his bed and stares at the roof instead.

This is wrong! So, why is everyone denying it? Why would you deny the very truth staring in your eyes??

He may be aggressive, but he's at least bringing up good points.

Why would someone kidnap ten different people just to "judge" them?? How fucking stupid--

Fuuta wants to throw a pillow across the room, pissed off at this entire situation.

He'll fucking destroy this place. Show them true justice.

Exhaling, he shuts his eyes. He wants to just forget this place for a little while when he sleeps.

Eventually, he drifts off.

Fuuta stares at his phone, posts he apparently posted but doesn't remember posting on his timeline. He must have posted this in a fit of justice. He saw how wrong this was and knew that there was an injustice being occurred, so he called them out!

He was probably trying to prove her injustice, showing that she's wrong. She needs to understand that! She's in the wrong, so she shouldn't make excuses, right?

He was promoting justice by vanquishing evil and proving how people are in the wrong. When they find out they're wrong, they can hopefully change.

Even if she's young, she... she needs to understand what she's done. She's just another offender, right...?

Shaking his head, he continues to scroll on his phone, lying on his back. He keeps seeing random posts and they're all uninteresting, so he swipes to see any other posts until-

High school student found dead after backlash online

"What?" Fuuta whispers to no one and quickly sits upright. He wraps his blanket around him, just... to feel safe, or something stupid...

He clicks the article and starts reading.

...Girl was found... dead... earlier this morning...

Parents... mentioned backlash online for something... unsure what really happened... stated she was... paranoid days before she died

Police are still... figuring out if... this was a suicide.

"No-- No way... She didn't--" Fuuta mutters.

She wasn't supposed to die.

Fuuta jolts awake with a scream stuck in his lungs. He's fine. He's fine. He's fine.

And... for a moment, he almost thinks he hears someone call him a demon for attacking people and letting the girl die.

He shakes his head. He's just helping justice by vanquishing evil doers, right?

Right?

#mug writes #milgramtober2023 #milgram #fuuta kajiyama #kajiyama fuuta #milgram fanfic #milgram fanfiction #wowee this was kinda!! hard to write #i kinda just used demon and devil interchangeable because i couldn't think of something that fit well with demon jdiwoajda #i did enjoy writing this though! i don't think i've properly written in fuuta's pov before?? so this was interesting :D #woah ill actually be on my phonr when this posts too!! (i have this queued up lol)#while i was reading this again i was like oh wow the ending kinda sets up for someone to be his devil's advocate and tell him #that he didnt serve justice by doing this #whoops o.o

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the-acid-pear · 11 days

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I never tried the option myself bc it'd probably mean skipping the Reason You Suck speech at the end (fire for speedrunners though) but I Love that you can frame your Phoneys in 3, especially so if you've already killed the previous two. Like yeah couldn't send you off to die so i'll let the goverment do it for me 🧸 like its just Peak evil imo.

#luly talks #i do relinquish in the pain and the agony but dont get me wrong the thought of any of them 3 getting jailed makes me SO sad #rog esp since he's the one im writing about and the biggest nerve wreck #gingi voice they'll be the last one to pick the board game for prison-game-night..........#actually yknow i wonder if rog would end up almost believing it after all when you try to gaslight him for the shits and giggles #(as in: telling HE was victim of the bite of 87 and the like) he tells you to not do that bc his brain is already scrambled or something #so there's a chance perhaps he'd believe it if he had everyone constantly accussing him of it?#not like it'd matter much i have no hopes for the dsaf justice system i know its been 35 years since jack got framed but still #i just remembered when the option popped up i said ''god im really becoming steven 😭''#first time i made the joke too was when i said ''imagine your boss sucks so bad you turn suicidal'' no clue what the context was #OH YEAH JAKE SAYING HE'D RATHER FUCKING DIE THAN KEEP WORKING HERE yeah. poor guy.#anyway im derailing my own post again uhhh. yeah. yeah i dont trust any phoney is avoiding the death sentence #dsaf #roger jones #dsaf roger #btw just for the sake of yapping longer i truly cant decide whether harry or jake would survive better in the enviroment #probably jake to be honest. I mean Harry has a lot of experience inside freddy's but he didnt really live outside it muhc #jake is so confrontational though #hey did you guys watch the hit movie felon? sure that guy wasn't framed but. i feel like jake would end up w that attitude #except for. you know. everything else that happens in the hit movie felon.#hey actually forget about this game go watch the 10/10 movie Felon from 2008 starring Val Kilmer and Stephen Dorff #because its one of my all time fave movies and probably the saddest i've seen #not bc there arent movies that are more tragic but bc no movie was able to break thru my walls of idgaf and make me cry anyway #yeah you thought i couldnt bring up my movie fixations on my different fandom posts well you were WRONG in fact #im gonna go tag my other post i left untagged yesterday bc my ass was Cooking

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kirayamidemon · 2 years

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HAPPY BIRTHDAY RIDDLE~~!

#twisted wonderland #twst #riddle rosehearts #drawings #BLESSED ME WITH BOTH OF HIS BDAY CARDS N ALL I CAN GIVE HIM IS THIS SHITTY MESSY ASS UNWORTHY TRIBUTE IN RETURN FKLSDJD #i wanted to finish it yesterday for his bday but i couldnt jkfdsk orz #this is so rough n messy n doesnt do him justice at all sobs i did this really fast cause i wanted to be done in time for his bday kjfsk #which didnt happen anyways jfjsdlk #this was even less effort than the tweels ljskfjkds iM SO SORRY RIDDLE I REALLY DO LOVE YOU THO I SWEARRR #BUT HAPPY BIRTHDAY RIDDLEEEEE MY LOVE MY HEART MY QUEENNNNN

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slocumjoe · 11 months

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hey uhhh i went thru ur oc post history and u said gus set himself on fire?? pls context

I love this character because whenever someone asks about him I always have to take a deep breath and get comfortable and suck a breath in through my teeth. I treat him so poorly

More Gus lore, because that specific event is actually tied to the very first event that would fuck him up forever, so I can't really talk about it without going in depth.

This is explaining the core tenent of Augustijn's story, which is guilt and its dangers. Basically, where that constant guilt came from, and how it...turned out for him...

It turns out okay. Just...takes 200+ years, an apocalypse, a divorce, and his son dying! 🥳Yay🥳

Tw; Religious trauma, child abuse, suicide, drug use, cannibalism, mental illnesses, and yet another suicide attempt.

So, some background, Gus's mom, Emma, was a fanatic catholic and generally Bat Shit about religion. As you might imagine, this is the Direct Source of both Gus' questionable worldviews, traumas, and his biological inclination to uuuhhh bad Head Times.

Emma was raised mildly religious, but she...took to it too hard? Her family was not the cause of her obsession, Gus's grandparents and uncles/aunts over there actually cut her off at one point, because she was starting to worry them but reaching out led to her lashing out. So, they just...backed off. Emma herself was a simple, homebody woman, who wanted to be at home raising her kids, and tending her garden. She would have been this way even without the religious thing.

But Emma and her side of the family were prone to addiction, see? And religion became her point of fixation and obsession. This could have still been okay, if not for the church she went into. A catholic church in the Hague that was known by all for being kind of fucking out there, even by other hardcore Catholics. This was one she went into, and even her grandchild 240+ years later would feel the ripple of this decision.

Emma goes into church and gets gnarly ideas about how life works. Its a woman's duty to have kids and raise them, to be good to her husband and her house, to listen and obey her men. Sin is inevitable and everyone does it, only those that admit and accept punishment can get another chance at Paradise. God knows every action you take and he does not care for the context, he only cares about the action. There is no "well, but" under the Lord.

Emma has mental illness, some kind of depression and anxiety, so this Big Brother Watching And Judging fucked her up. Especially since her church, in particular, was physically abusive if you did not confess to anything during confession. They thought if you had nothing to confess, you were lying.

At this point, she's met and engaged to Theodore Reinier, a rich heir to a European manufacturing company. He's pretty, a gentleman, and best of all, rich, so she can have as big and luxurious a garden as she wants. She likes him. She does not love him. She's in her twenties and unmarried with no kids, and her poor family needs to be taken care of. So she marries him. Theodore is smart enough to see this for what it is, and kind enough to allow it. He lets his wife do her own thing and treats her as a friend, rather than a lover. She hates this, she wants to be a wife (she doesnt). She wants kids, he gives her one. Augustijn. This birth goes rough, and she's told no more children.

Theodore makes one rule; August goes to a different church, or he does not go at all. Theo really didn't like Emma's church and he certainly wasn't exposing his kid to that shit.

Emma pretends to agree and takes Gus to That Church. Theo doesn't attend, so he doesn't know this is happening until much later. Gus gets all the same nasty shit Emma does. Theo learns of this when he sees Gus covered in bruises from confession beatings. This puts a huge rift between him and Emma, and he pulls all the strings he can to have her church shut down.

Emma grows to resent and hate Theo and Augustijn for not being the perfect husband and child she deserves as a good, God fearing house wife. Augustijn is left to his nannies, Emma hides away in her private garden, fuming. Theodore tries to bond with his son, but Emma's poisoned that well.

Emma tells Augustijn about demons, to fear them. She specifically tells him about church grims, demons that hunt around churches in the form of a dog to drag sinners to hell. She says this as she's admiring her new obsidian dog statues for her garden.

Eventually, Emma goes yellow wallpaper and loses her mind, and is sent to therapy and put on medications. Augustijn loathes his father for his mother's state. Theodore just wants his friend and son okay. But Emma, as she's out in town, coming back from therapy, she stops at a friend's house while the friend isn't there, and hooks up with the woman's husband. Friend's husband was stern, strict with his wife, God fearing, and generally an obnoxious 50s ideal shithead husband. Everything Emma wanted. This wasn't out of nowhere, it was brewing in the background. She knew both of them from her old church.

Emma goes home, and finally having a reason for the guilt that's always plagued her, elects to acknowledge her sin. She drowns herself in the pond of her garden, stared down by three dark, ruby-eyed dogs, overseeing her passage into the afterlife. Her young son comes into the garden to meet his mother, after she's been gone all day, only to find her in a red pool. He looks up into the eyes of the dogs. He remembers nothing of this incident, blocking it out and having been too young to understand.

Years pass, and Augustijn turns to drugs as well, though his come from the darkest parts of the Hague, rather than a doctor. He turns to sex, to crime, to anything he thinks will either corrupt him so much he doesn't care, or will finally make his guilt feel justified. He wears his mother's cross necklace through it all, and sees her beloved dog with every sin.

Augustijn goes to America for college, to Harvard, studying to become a pastor himself. (This is maybe the most terrifying part of him, the fact that he almost got it). But he doesn't feel satisfied with it, has a moment of clarity and realizes he isn't fit to preach anything. The grim certainly doesn't think so. He instead follows his only friend, Isadora, into the military. The US government allowing their soldiers to do chems means his failed drug tests don't matter.

Augustijn becomes a sniper. He has always hurt people, excelled in it, but taking life frightens him, because he knows he has no right to decide who lives or dies, not like this. But he's in China, and he's told to kill. He does, and he's very good at it. His teammates marvel at just how scrappy and determined he is, like a weed, a mold.

The Biandukou Pass Incident occurs. He eats his entire team, trapped in a Chinese mountain range during a blizzard.

Delirious from almost two months of surviving on nothing but psycho and human flesh, Augustijn is let loose back into Boston, honorably discharged. His lingering hallucinations from his Daytripper addiction, mixed with psycho withdrawal, trauma, guilt, shame, the fear of God—everything culminates. He looks up and sees the figure that has haunted him since that one, awful day; the church grim, staring expectantly.

His mother drowned herself, so he thought it fitting if he set himself ablaze.

#ss; alter #I hate to put a word to his specific illness because you always get people like 'this isnt what i think this is like so pls die'#but i imagine he'd be diagnosed with hppd #hallucinogen persisting perception disorder. basically lingering effects of hallucinogenics after use #the point of emma is that she did not ever see past the shit #Augustijn gradually learns how to reject his guilt and view himself objectively #and comes to see how he was hurt and how he hurt others. and accepts that he has a right to feel hurt but an obligation to be better #emma doesnt. she never would have even if she survived her attempt #its like. you only feel guilt because its a concept put into you #and emma taught him guilt. always feel dirty and shameful.#but. she didnt feel guilty. not really. she was confident in all of her actions and never once hesistated #she thought it was guilt just because she knew how it would look to other people. thats not guilt thats awareness.#she wasnt guilty she feared repercussions.#meanwhile her son grew up always ashamed and horrified at himself and was desperate for any kind of comeuppance #not to make it okay because he knew it wouldn't. but because he deserved it #accountability and justice are also big concepts in gus' character. the idea that someone becoming better and earnestly doing it #is better and more worthwhile than them suffering for their actions. this comes up with the Institute and Isadora #anyway if any of you come at me bitching about portaying a woman as abusive im biting #'joe no one does fhat' they literally do. its happened to me before. yall say you support womens wrongs until theyre abusive moms #anyway. fun fact; being beaten during confessions is why gus cant admit when hes done wrong for like 30 years. its a trauma/trigger #gus really is just. 'how do i process what happened to me without losing my mind'#and he lost his mind. but he does everything he can to find it again. because he doesnt want to feel this way anymore

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zurazakis · 7 months

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ok ive finished the dlc so now i can properly say my least favourite thing about dragon age awakening is that the women feel like an afterthought & don't fit in the group at all. & i want to care about them & their banter so much. but i really don't because the game is giving me fucking nothing

#dragonageposting #IM SO FUCKING UPSET ABOUT THIS. i was thinking abt it so hard last night.#(crying) please join my polycule why wont you fit in my polycule videogame why didnt you let the women fit in my polycule #it doesnt help that anders & oghren's banter w them is insufferable. especially oghren #sigrun is SUCH a sweetheart & i adore her i really do but her & velanna are just so... lacking compared to everyone else #& it's by design! & i fucking hate that it is!#did i fuck up something? did i miss quests that would've made them better? even then i don't know if it would fix the issue #with oghren you already know him beforehand hes got a whole plotline & everything in origins so its like. it fits within the plot #anders shows up at the centre of the main plotline. at the start too. he integrates himself as part of the group very easily bc of that #nathaniel also has very good reason to be there! you killed his father! he hates your guts but hes not a bad person! he has depth!#he is given the opportunity to fit in a group whose leader he comes in loathing #justice would be part of the 'you're making it hard for me to care abt this character' group if i didnt know abt him showing up in da2 prob #but even then his quest just. felt longer. he was given more to do than both velanna & sigrun #not only that but hes a spirit possessing a corpse which makes his deal very unique #i was elated to meet sigrun bc i love the legion of the dead but they just. didn't give her much.#& the whole thing w velanna wrt seranni is like;.. barely touched on. i was so disappointed the quest was so short #the women are just given nothing compared to the men & i fucking hate it i wanna care about them so bad. i want to care. so bad.#they didnt even allow me to have either of them do their joining like??? what?? it mightve been a glitched thing or w/e but??#i was just forced into the climax of the game without either of them doing their joining. and it fucking sucked #idk the later parts of awakening feel rushed. like they didnt plan to actually wrap it up & had to do it hastily.#the beginning was so interesting & i was genuinely having such a good time but by the end of it i was just tired #we barely got anything on the architect i was also hyped for him but then it was kind of nothing.

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chstart · 3 months

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thinks abt beanix's weirdo cryptic cryptid ass laughing during his own trial coz he was thinkin bout "how much fun" the trial was

#he really said ''lmaoooo SOMEone made a dumb mistake..''#i think for as at the core shattered as phoenix was abt the whole thing #i think he was even More just amused by kris fucking himself over right out of the gate before opening statements were even over #he did have two days to come to terms with everything so by the time his trial rolled up it was kinda fuck it we ball #he def didnt expect kristoph's own need for being a dramatic bitch to just. solve half the puzzle in court For him #once kris waxed poetic abt the cards the outcome of the trial was sealed & all nick had to do was sit back & enjoy justice unfolding #god im gnna be SOOOO annoying come wednesday #ooc. butterdog. the dog with the butter.

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mejomonster · 1 year

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Well. Silent Reading chapter 12, where they talk about Fei Du's moms death and how he doesn't accept the conclusion, how Luo Wenzhou advises he at least try to move on emotionally. The way Fei Du is tapping a song on his cup (perhaps his moms), that he stops tapping when Luo Wenzhou hits a nerve and becomes like a statue--revealing his true emotions in a way he doesn't/can't in therapy. The grief talk he probably has needed to hear for a while, but first a very painful talk where there is no seeing eye to eye and no agreeing because they both have their reasons. And Luo Wenzhou turns off the petty conflict for it because Fei Du deserves to genuinely discuss it with Luo Wenzhou as level headed adults with their analysis if Fei Du wants to. And Fei Du is so emotional, and in the end as he puts his mask back up. (A note on the show version: some portions of this changed, the main dialogue stayed fairly true and the function of the scene. In both cases, this scene absolutely cuts up my heart ;-; ):

"Someone once said to me that ‘everything that happens in this world leaves traces,’ but whether you can find them depends on each side’s luck. Is your luck good this time?”

Luo Wenzhou suddenly froze. The blow-for-blow probing, bantering, and hinting vanished utterly from his face. For an instant the corners of his mouth were even pulled a little tight.

Luo Wenzhou subconsciously got his cigarettes out of his pocket, thought of something, and put them back.

Instantly there was deep silence between the two of them. Neither looked at the other. They only sat side by side with a distance of about one meter between them, like complete strangers.

“The windows and doors were locked. None of the rooms showed signs of forced entry. The most advanced security system of the time was entirely untouched.” Luo Wenzhou abruptly opened his mouth to speak, his voice very low and his speech very fast, as if he had already recited these words many times and could smoothly say them without missing a single punctuation mark.

“She had done her makeup and changed her clothes, even put on music. The scene had a certain feeling of ritual. There was a suicide note arranged on the writing desk next to her. It was analyzed, the handwriting confirmed to belong to the deceased. The person who had written the letter showed clear depressive tendencies, which tallied with her daily use of antidepressant medication. The deceased was an adult, with no illness or injury that may have led her to be unable to act for herself. No drugs sufficient to cause unconsciousness were found in her system. There were also no defensive wounds on her body.—That’s all the evidence we collected at the time. You were the one who reported the case. You reached the scene before we did. Unless you want to tell me that you hid some evidence back then, it was without a doubt a suicide.”

Fei Du didn’t speak. His sitting posture seemed very relaxed—legs crossed, upper body leaning forward slightly, one hand casually lying on his knee and the other holding a paper cup that was no longer steaming. His long and slender fingers were tapping out a beat on the rim of the cup, as if there was a melody no one else could hear filling the air.

“I said to you then, ‘Everything that happens in this world leaves traces, as long as it’s real. Without traces to support your opinion, however much you believe in it, it’s still only a dead end of the imagination.’ Fei Du, you may have had a certain intuition, but we can’t do our job based on intuition. My intuition tells me every day that I can make five million.” Luo Wenzhou’s gaze stopped on Fei Du’s fingers. Then, in an almost callously objective tone, he said, “And you know, there’s a theory abroad that says that if a person wants to kill herself, she may suddenly use some means to confess it to the people close to her—you heard her confession back then.”

Fei Du’s fingers suddenly stiffened.

Luo Wenzhou reached out his arm, pulled the paper cup out of his hand and put it aside. “If you really want to talk over this case with me, I maintain my judgment to this day—but it doesn’t matter whose judgment it is. That isn’t important anymore. She’s been dead for seven years. When the coffin is closed, you can judge a person’s life. The relevant evidence has all disappeared. This isn’t going to sound good, but if she’s reincarnated she’ll already be attending primary school. The living can cling on without letting go; it’s a form of emotional sustenance. But there’s no sense in blindly clinging to the wrong course.”

Maintaining his original posture, Fei Du sat without moving a muscle, as if he had turned into a statue.

Just then, Zhang Ting and the lawyer came out side by side, and Fei Du’s gaze moved slightly, giving off a trace of living energy.

“I don’t accept your conclusion, Officer Luo,” said Fei Du.

Hearing this, Luo Wenzhou wasn’t at all taken aback. He only shrugged.

Fei Du adjusted his jacket and stood to meet Zhang Ting and the lawyer. He looked down at Luo Wenzhou. There was no smile on his face; his expression was even somewhat somber. “But perhaps there’s some merit in your heartfelt advice.”

Luo Wenzhou was surprised, but after saying this, Fei Du once again put on his graceful mask and left with Zhang Ting. They didn’t have any further interaction.

#silent reading #lb #..............................................................................................................#also im surprised zhang xincheng (i heard) said he didnt read the novel before the script. so based his performance on script #im actually really curious in MoDus case what everyone did. zxc performance is SO spot on with #the audiobook and audio drama in some ways. so either all 3 actors really got the Same main impression from book ro act similarly #or zxc had some exposure. in Luos actors case i cant believe he wouldnt read the book-hes doing Awesome #and luo is SO specific in my head i literally never even DREAMED anyone could play him to my tolerance let alone #to my satisfaction and hopes.#however? the Justice in the Dark script is SO dialogue dense info dense i think the actors COULD #get a faithful (mostly) read of the characters without checking the novel. since shows DO change characrers a bit as needed #but god so many people are spot its like they cane From the novel. the script writer #absolutely is nailing the characters

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