#TheyHadSoManyBabies

[nic-because-gay]

A Poem I Shouldn’t Write

I am numb

I cannot let myself feel

For when I do

My chest collapses

Into the black hole

Where my heart once beat

My fingers drip bloody tears

For the treachery they have effected

My tongue decays beneath shards

Of all the trust it has shattered

So, I am numb

Because I do not know

If I want to survive

Drowning in my shame

The truth of that knowledge

Scares the breath from my lungs

Because I do know

This week

I’m still here for my son

Only I don’t yet know

What will keep me

Here

Next week…

He wanted a goldfish

I should get him one

He would smile so big

When he comes back next Friday

And I’ll have to feed it

Every day next week

I’ll name it Buoy

Because it will keep me

Afloat

When he’s not here

But I am numb

#WrittenInApril2020 #iWantedToDieEveryDayForMonths #iAmSorry #nic #personal #wlw poetry #MaybeWeCanBeFriendsAgainSomeday #iKilledTheGoldfish #AndTheBetaThatFollowed #ButThoseGuppiesMadeIt #YouGaveMeThoseGuppies #TheyHadSoManyBabies #GenerationsOfGuppies