#Uthorim/Loke | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

callsignbaphomet · 4 months

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Something cute and wholesome with Loke and Uthorim. I reeeeeaaaaally hope I did Uth some justice and portrayed him correctly. It's always nerve-racking to write someone else's character but goddamn is it not a fun experience.

TWs: None.

It was automatic by now, Uthorim would wake up and the first thing he would do is stretch his arms to gently place them on Loke. On a shoulder, thigh, chest or midsection, as long as there was some contact he would leave his hand on him. Loke was usually warm to the touch which was a soothing contrast to some of the cold nights and despite all the scars and how worn and beat down he was for his age he felt soft. Uthorim softly inhaled as the light from the rising sun peeked through the tattered curtains. Before he even opened his eyes he turned over and gently dropped his hand on where he thought Loke’s thighs would be. His smile quickly dissipated when his palm touched the cold sheets. He quickly opened his eyes and found Loke’s side of the bed empty, while disappointed he figured Loke had woken up and couldn’t go back to sleep so he got up. Uthorim decided to do the same and get started on breakfast though before he did he looked all over the cabin for Loke. When he didn’t find him in the cabin he figured Loke had gone out to hunt down some radstags or check to see if the traps had caught any fish. The nearby river was surprisingly low on radioactivity and the critters swimming within those waters seemed safe to eat.

After Uthorim washed up and made breakfast he noticed Loke hadn’t returned yet. A sharp pain slowly made itself known in the pit of his stomach when the thought of Loke having run off again quickly flashed through his mind. Before panic could set in he went back into the bedroom and found all of Loke’s things neatly tucked in the corner. As he exhaled in relief he leaned on the door frame. All those weeks without him felt like something reached inside of him and ripped everything out, he couldn’t go through that again, not after he found him again and vowed never to leave his side no matter what. Once he calmed down he grabbed his jacket and decided to look for him. He knew Loke was capable and his parents had trained him well but his right knee and shoulder were in pretty bad shape, going out to hunt on his own was a bad idea so Uthorim wanted to help him out in any way he could.

As soon as Uthorim opened the door he was stunned to see Loke sitting on the wooden swing that hung from the large tree in front of the cabin. When Uthorim first got to the cabin that swing was broken but out of boredom he decided to fix it as the mere sight of it gave him a delightful sense of whimsy he hadn’t felt since he first met Loke.

“Honey? What are you doing out here? It’s freezing.” Uthorim said as he made his way towards Loke.

Loke didn’t answer. He just kept his head down while his hands loosely gripped the rope. He wasn’t even swinging on the swing, he was just sitting on it.

“Loke? Baby, are you okay?”

“Couldn’t sleep.” Loke finally answered in a croaky tone as he kept his head down.

“It’s okay.” Uthorim crouched in front of Loke and gently tucked some of his hair behind his ear to get a better look at his face. Loke’s eyes were puffy and red as if he’d been crying. His pale green eyes avoided Uthorim but as soon as Uthorim placed his hand on Loke’s chin and slowly caressed his cheek with his thumb Loke looked at him and closed his eyes while leaning towards him. A thin stream of tears trickled down his cheeks. Loke opened his eyes again and looked right into Uthorim’s. His eyes looked so worn down and tired that for a second Uthorim thought Loke was going to faint right then and there.

As Uthorim opened his mouth to say something he noticed the sleeves of Loke’s jacket had fresh blood on them. A wave of panic washed over him and he quickly unzipped his jacket. Uthorim was horrified to find his shirt drenched in blood, he then noticed there was blood on the lower parts of his pants and on his boots. Uthorim lifted his shirt to check him for injuries but Loke grabbed Uthorim’s hands and in a monotone and low voice said, “It’s not mine.”

Confused and concerned Uthorim looked up at Loke and waited for him to clarify.

“It’s his.” Loke said as he pointed behind him.

Uthorim stood up and looked towards the direction Loke was pointing to. Several yards away the mangled and torn remains of a body sat up against a tree. He couldn’t see the details and preferred not to but by the looks of it it looked like a yao guai tore the person apart. Uthorim looked around in case whatever did that was still around but then knelt in front of Loke.

“What happened to them?”

Loke looked at Uthorim with a deadpan look on his face. He was devoid of any emotion which made what he said next almost terrifying, “Me.”

“Babe, what happened? Who were they?”

“Woke up in the middle of the night and couldn’t go back to sleep. Had a dream that made me feel just really out of it. Think I didn’t wanna go back to sleep in case it came back, you know? Tossed and turned for a while but I got out and went for a walk. Kept walking and walking until I saw this other cabin further west, didn’t really think nothing of it until I saw a man sitting on the porch brooming it. I kept my distance in case he felt threatened enough to shoot first and then ask who the fuck I was. Never know how tweaked people are out here.”

“Smart, people tend to act out of fear.”

“Yeah. Thing is I had this gnawing feeling just eating away at me so I looked at him again and I recognized his face and this overwhelming burning sensation just took over. This was rage unlike any I ever felt before in my life. Without thinking I just walked up to him and as soon as he saw me he instantly recognized me. Bitch actually had the nerve to apologize to me for what he did. Like apologizing to me would take back what he and his friends did to…” Loke swallowed hard and took a deep breath as he tried to compose himself.

“Did what?” Uthorim asked with concern in his voice, “To you?” His tone turned stern as he grabbed Loke’s arms. The thought of anyone hurting Loke sent Uthorim into overdrive.

Loke couldn’t bring himself to answer. He wished what happened had been done to him instead. He would’ve switched places even if it meant carrying around more trauma, though he’d simply do what he does with his trauma: swallow it and pretend it isn’t even there. Anything to have spared a minor from experiencing something so horrific and cruel. Uthorim could feel as Loke began to shake and saw that he was visibly uncomfortable which made him all the more worried.

“Honey, talk to me, please. What did they do to you?”

“That caravan we traveled with hired a group of mercenaries to get them up north but they made everyone uncomfortable. Most of the time they were drunk and high off whatever they had, and could barely shoot straight. Spent almost every night shooting into the air and being loud enough to draw unwanted attention to the caravan. From the second Jela and I joined the caravan one of ‘em was eyeing Jela and tried to get close to him but I shot that shit down as soon as I noticed it. Told him he’s a minor, he told me to fuck off so I threatened to curbstomp him. Sometime later Jelani told them to fuck off with their bullshit ‘cause they were scaring some of the people. Then sometime after that happened the caravan lead came to us with a proposition: he’d pay those guys for their services and then tell ‘em to fuck off and hire us to take them as far north as we were comfortable with. We agreed and they left after making a scene and throwing threats around.”

Loke paused for a moment. He wasn’t sure how to navigate around the subject, especially without Jelani’s consent. He remembered how horrified Jelani felt when he found out other people aside from Loke knew what happened to him.

“A week later I woke up and Jelani wasn’t at the camp, he wasn’t anywhere. A few people from the camp and I went out looking for him and after almost two hours Dagny came running up to me. Her mouth was shut with duct tape but Jelani wasn’t with her. I panicked and got her to take me to him. Found him in some old run down house two miles from the camp. He was in the basement beaten and…” Loke knew he could trust Uthorim but remembering how he found him that morning was something that would haunt him for the rest of his life and the less he thought of it the better though he knew he couldn’t just ignore what happened. It hadn’t happened to him so ignoring it wasn’t an option.

“That asshole,” Loke pointed to the body, “and the others came back, grabbed him in the middle of the night, beat the fuck out of him and…when I found him I thought he was dead. There was so much blood and he was covered in bruises…found him with his jeans down to his knees and a lot of blood down his thighs.”

Uthorim circled the words Loke had said in his head for a bit, they felt heavy and rancid but the more he thought on what Loke had just told him the more his brows furrowed as he realized what Loke had just told him.

“No.” It was all Uthorim could muster as he understood what Loke was trying to tell him in a subtle way. Uthorim looked back at the body and understood why Loke had torn him up the way he did but part of him thought he’d gotten off easy. He felt the same way Loke did, apologizing to Loke instead of his actual victim, and after the fact as well, felt like an insult. Had Uthorim known and had he been there when Loke was tearing into that man he would’ve gladly helped. No one deserves to be subjected to such a brutality but he felt it was twice as brutal since it happened to a seventeen-year-old kid, to his family. What was worse was that Jelani wasn’t there, the need to hug him was overwhelming. Sure, it wouldn’t take back what happened to him and it sure as shit wouldn’t make him forget it happened or probably make him feel better but it was Uthorim’s way of letting him know he was there for him. Jelani’s absence felt all the more rotten now that he knew what had happened to him and why Loke was so worried about him.

“That shit happened to him because of me. Every choice I’ve made has been a mistake and he ends up paying for it.” Loke lamented as he began to cry.

“What? No! No, baby. It wasn’t your fault. They did that to him.” Uthorim pointed at the body with one hand while he used the other to lift Loke’s face so he could look at him to make sure Loke knew he was being truthful. “You have done everything you could to take care of him, you’ve put your own needs aside to make sure his needs didn’t go unanswered. You chose to risk your life so he could live. Not many people would do that. You’re an impossibility, my love, no seventeen-year-old kid who just lost his parents would’ve made it this far and in one piece much less with a two-year-old toddler.”

“Uth, look what happened to him. He was raped under my watch! I failed to keep him safe!”

“That doesn’t mean it was your fault and you didn’t fail him. Shit’s always gonna happen but it’s what we do after it happens that determines whether we failed our loved ones or not. You took care of him after it happened, I wasn’t there to see it but I know you, the second you found him you did everything you could to make sure his injuries were taken care of and you were right there with him to see to any and all physiological and emotional injuries too. I know you, I know what kind of person you are, I saw it the night we met at the fort. You were freezing because you gave all the blankets to Jelani, you didn’t leave his side for one second even though you were starving, you didn’t get any rest despite the fact that you hadn’t slept in days to make sure his fever didn’t come back. You were sick too but you didn’t say anything so the doctor’s attention was fully on Jelani. The love you have for your kid? I’d never seen dedication like that in my life. I think I fell in love with you that night. Everyone’s too busy taking and getting but hardly anyone gives of themselves like you do.”

Loke had no idea how to respond to that, he was overwhelmed by what he was feeling and what Uthorim was saying. There was truth to his words but the amount of guilt Loke felt was enough to choke him, he felt it was his fault for letting his need for revenge get the better of him when he saw Iain again. When he saw her all he could remember was the look on Jelani’s face when she shot him and at that moment he acted without thinking. If he hadn’t killed Iain neither of them would’ve needed to run away to avoid the NCR. If they didn’t need to run away Jelani wouldn’t have been assaulted and they certainly wouldn’t have been separated like they currently were. That sickening guilt that had been haunting him for fifteen years had reached its peak that morning when he found Jelani in a puddle of his own blood and since then it was lodged into his throat and no matter what Loke did it wouldn’t budge. He just wanted the two people he loved to be safe and happy.

Uthorim gently pulled Loke’s face towards his and softly kissed him. He didn’t need an answer, the look on his face was enough to let him know his words had reached him even if it would take a while for the realization of it all to manifest itself. Loke lazily returned the kiss. He felt spent and emotionally raw not to mention the fact that even if he wanted to he couldn’t stop crying.

“I’m sorry, love.” Loke whispered into Uthorim’s mouth as he kissed him back, his tears were sliding down his cheeks.

Uthorim picked Loke up from the swing and brought him back into the cabin. By that time breakfast had gotten cold and Uthorim was sure Loke wasn’t hungry and if he was to be honest with himself he was more concerned about Loke than he was hungry. When he first got to the cabin Uthorim had cleaned it up and fixed various things around the cabin to make it more livable, one of them being the bathroom, he managed to jerry rig the bathtub to act as a shower. When he noticed the river nearby was safe to use he kept several gallons of the water after boiling it. A neat little trick he learned from his days in the Brotherhood of Steel. He walked into the bathroom and undressed Loke who had gone mute, it was a response to stress he had since he was little, and turned on the shower. He walked Loke into the tub and as Uthorim reached for the soap Loke grabbed his hand and pulled him towards him. He understood the gesture and undressed to join him in the shower. Uthorim washed Loke and then himself, it would’ve been a bit easier had Loke not spent the entire shower hugging him but he didn’t care, Uthorim knew he was feeling vulnerable and as long as he could he’d offer whatever solace he needed. Once Loke stopped crying they shared kiss after kiss with the occasional light touching. It wasn’t meant to lead anywhere, it was just pleasant and soothing and even if it did lead to something else Loke wasn’t about to complain, he missed Uthorim more than he thought he could miss anyone.

Once Uthorim dried Loke and then himself he grabbed Loke and carried him back to the room where he sat down on the bed and placed Loke on his lap. Loke sighed as he wrapped both arms around Uthorim and leaned his head on his chest. Hearing his heart beating was the single most soothing thing he ever experienced. Loke wanted to tell Uthorim how much he missed his touch, how much he missed hearing his heartbeat, how he missed running his fingers through his hair and softly brushing the tip of his fingers over every inch of his body, how much he missed seeing his smile that could easily light up the night, and how much he missed holding him in his arms and being held by him. Tears began to form in Loke’s eyes again as he closed them and just took in Uthorim’s scent. He had so much he wanted to say but didn’t want to overwhelm him so he did the only thing he could think of that he knew for sure could summarize all that he was currently feeling and wanted to say. Loke wrapped his arms around Uthorim’s neck and nuzzled the side of his neck for a bit before he slightly opened his eyes and with a slight trembling in his voice whispered, “Jeg elsker deg.”

#001022 #Uthorim/Loke #Oracle Corp au #OC au: Fallout #fo: Loke tag #Uthorim #friend's oc #au oc things

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