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the-dj-is-asleep · 7 years

Text

Watching From Afar

AO3

Kara remembers Del-Or. His eyes were blue, though when reflecting the red tones of Krypton’s sun they had often seemed more purple. And his hair had been brown, a deep, rich brown that made him seem royal, not that Krypton really had royalty. He’d been smart too and always willing to work with Kara on her projects as they were both fast-tracked into the science guild. Her father had liked him, her mother had liked him even more. And Kara had really liked him.

She’d been young. Young enough that she hadn’t really considered being with him, just considered the what-ifs and the maybe-somedays. But the implosion of her planet, the loss of everyone in and on it had destroyed those thoughts, those imaginings. And when Kara had arrived on Earth, a brand new planet, so different from Krypton, from everything she remembered, she hadn’t had a chance to think about it. She’d thought she’d never be able to. Humans were so… fragile.

How could she date a human when she could break bones by just holding their hand? How could she date a human when an ill-timed kiss could shatter their nose? And how could she love a human if they could never know who she really was?

At least that’s what Kara had thought back when she’d first arrived. Back when the world had been so bright and loud, back when she hadn’t been able to stop herself from tearing doors off hinges, and back when her strange speech patterns drew unfriendly eyes. But she’s better now at fitting in, at being normal. And she’s held Alex’s hand plenty of times and hasn’t hurt her. She’d hugged Eliza and kissed her cheek. It’s been years since she broke anything using super-strength (breaking things using plain old clumsiness was another story).

And now Kara is in high school. A sophomore in high school to be exact and once again she was the new kid, though for very different reasons this time. It wasn’t technically her fault Alex had been kicked out of their last school. She knows that. It’s just that… it kind of feels like it sometimes. Because Alex had punched someone, hard enough to break his nose, after he’d made some pretty obnoxious comments about Kara’s adoption. Eliza had yelled at Alex for half an hour, reminding her that violence was not the answer, but Kara had heard the proud undertone in her voice, the one that said, “thank you for watching out for your sister.”

To be honest, Kara doesn’t mind starting at a new school. Too many of the kids at her last high school had gone through middle school with her and they remembered her from before she could pass for human. They mostly ignored her now, but they remembered how weird she’d been, how out of place. And they will always see her as Alex Danvers’s weird adopted sister. Here, she can get a fresh start.

And there’s another reason she does not mind going to a new school. That reason is tall, dark, and handsome, and his name is James Olsen. He’s a year older than Kara, a year younger than Alex, and he is everyone’s favorite person. He’s funny and smart and he’s captain of the hockey team. And on top of being a generally perfect human being, he is also one of the nicest people Kara has ever met.

Not that they’ve actually met. Not really anyway. She’s seen him from afar and once he helped her pick up a book she dropped after colliding with a locker that she was sure had not been there three seconds before. And even if they did know each other, it seems unlikely that he would want to date her. She’s just… Kara. She does her best to seem unremarkable and other than her ability to lift a car, which she hides really well, she actually is pretty unremarkable. She’s not funny or cute or interesting in any way at all. And the last person James Olsen dated was Lucy Lane, who is gorgeous and funny and cute and pretty and smart and badass and Kara could go on for days. Next to Lucy Lane, Kara Danvers is nothing.

But that’s not going to stop Kara from admiring James from afar. And there’s a lot to admire. He’s tall and muscular and has a penchant for tight t-shirts, and his arms… no one should be allowed to look like that. His eyes are warm and soft but by far, Kara’s favorite part of him is his smile. Always wide, always happy, and always lighting up whatever room he is in. She could drown in that smile.

“Earth to Kara Danvers! Earth to Kara Danvers!”

Winn is cupping his hands around his mouth to make it sound like his voice is coming from a patchy radio receiver and it’s enough to jolt Kara back to reality.

“Huh?! What?”

“Could you please, for just a second, stop drooling over James Olsen over there and pretend that you actually enjoy my company?”

“I do enjoy your company,” Kara says with a jolt of guilt. She loves Winn’s company. They’d only known each other for about a month so far, but he’s her best friend in the whole world already (other than Alex of course).

“I know, I’m just messing with you,” he says with a grin. “I mean, I get it, y’know? James Olsen is… wow. I mean, a good-looking dude if I’ve ever seen one. But… this is getting painful to watch. Either you need to go and ask him out. Or you need to stop staring at him from afar and instead help me with this physics homework.”

Kara rolls her eyes, but turns a little so that her back is to James and she will no longer be tempted.

“Man, how do you do that?” Winn says, as Kara writes down three quick equations and comes up with the right answer.

“Eliza tutors me at home,” Kara replies quickly, with the age old excuse for her much too advanced understanding of science.

It’s not like she can tell Winn that she was on a fast-track to join the science guild as soon as she came of age. It’s not like she can tell him that Krypton’s science was years ahead of earth’s and that even by Kryptonian standards she was advanced for her age. She wishes she could though, because being stuck doing basic block-moving-along-a-frictionless-surface problems is getting very old.

“Too bad she can’t tutor you in history,” Winn says gleefully, recalling the only class that he’s doing better in than his friend.

(Not much better though because Winn is science-minded as well. He just has the advantage of having Earth’s history being poured into his mind since he was born. Kara a lot of catching up to do.)

“She’s a scientist. Not a historian. Anyway, it’s not like I’m failing the class.”

“Not yet anyway,” Winn mutters under his breath and yelps when Kara pinches him lightly.

Kara gets called into Mrs. Hamilton’s office after physics ends on Tuesday.

“Hello, Kara,” she says kindly.

Kara likes Mrs. Hamilton because she doesn’t get frustrated when Kara gets distracted by sounds in the background and she doesn’t force Kara to speak in class.

“I know that you’ve been helping Winn out with some of his class work,” Mrs. Hamilton says.

“I’m sorry,” Kara replies quickly. “I’m not just writing the answers for him. I explain it to him so that he understands. I was just trying to help.”

“Don’t worry, Kara. I’m not mad. Winn always does well on the tests so I know you’re not just doing his work for him. And he’s a smart boy. I’m not sure why you’re helping him at all, to be honest. But, I was just thinking that if you wanted to help students maybe you could get something out of it. I have some students who need tutoring for a few bucks an hour, if you like.”

Kara blinks in surprise.

“I, um, can I think about it? I also need to ask Eliza.”

“Of course. Take your time and let me know. I don’t want you doing this unless you’re sure.”

“I think it’s a fantastic idea, Kara,” Eliza says over dinner.

“You don’t think it could get me in trouble if I show people I’m too smart?”

Eliza lets out a little huff of amusement.

“It could get you in trouble if you were tutoring them in rocket science but unless you really go out of your way, I don’t think anyone will notice the difference. Plus, you’ve learned how to hide by now. I trust you’ll be able to keep it under wraps.”

“Ugh, but now I’ll go from having weirdo as a sister, to having a nerd as a sister,” Alex fake-whines.

“You were top of your class last year, Alex,” Kara snarks back. “I’m the one who has to put up with having a nerd for a sister.”

Alex sticks her tongue out at Kara and Eliza rolls her eyes.

The first person Mrs. Hamilton assigns to Kara only introduces herself as Vasquez and never bothers to tell Kara of her full name. Kara tries not to be offended. She’s brusque and sharp in her mannerisms but she’s not stupid and she listens when Kara explains.

It’s frustrating at first because all of this stuff comes so naturally to Kara that having to explain it at all is exhausting. But she learns what works best for Vasquez and herself and they start to make progress.

She meets with Vasquez on Tuesdays and Thursdays after class. Then Mrs. Hamilton has Kara work with M’gann, a transfer student, on Fridays. She’s incredibly nice but very bad at physics.

“I’m good at science,” she says. “I swear. But I’m more into biology. This stuff doesn’t make sense to me.”

She and Kara end up wasting half of their session together as M’gann tells Kara all sorts of interesting biology facts. (Kara soaks them up like a sponge because earth’s creatures and their biology are different from Krypton’s and it’s all really cool.)

And then, Mrs. Hamilton asks Kara for one more favor.

“Okay, so I know this is a different situation because he’s an athlete and therefore he can’t work with you directly after school. You would have to meet either on weekends or later during the day. He says he’s happy to work with your schedule to make it work, if that’s okay.”

Kara nods immediately because she likes tutoring. Before, her afternoons after class had been largely uneventful, as she waited for Alex to get home from lacrosse practice. Also, she can see that she’s helping people and she likes that. She likes feeling useful to someone. And it gives her a chance to meet new people, which is always fun.

“I really don’t mind. I’d be happy to,” Kara says. “Um, who is it?”

“James Olsen,” Mrs. Hamilton says. “He’s a bright boy from what I understand but he doesn’t quite have a head for the sciences. You’ll need to work hard with him. He wants to do well in the class, but I’m afraid he needs more one on one attention than I can give him.”

Kara’s brain short-circuits. Attention. One on one. James Olsen.

“Kara,” Mrs. Hamilton says. “Are you okay? Will that be alright?”

“Uh, yeah… I mean, yes. Definitely. That will be fine.”

“Well then, I’ll give James your email address and he’ll get in contact with you.”

Kara nods and bids her goodbye. The moment she’s alone in the hallway, she giddily covers her face with her hands and tries not to blush.

Hey Kara,

This is James Olsen. Thank you for agreeing to tutor me. I’m free anytime after five during the week and most of the day on weekends unless it’s game day. Let me know what works best for you and we can meet up.

James

——

Hello James,

How many times would you like to meet? Any of those work for me but if you want to meet more than once a week we should spread it out. Maybe Monday and Thursday nights? Where would you like to meet? School is usually closed by five but we could meet at the library.

Kara

——

Actually, my house is only five minutes from school. Closer than the library and then I can drop my gear off so you don’t have to sit around smelling that. And Monday and Thursday is great. I think I really need a lot of help in this class.

James

——

Sounds good to me. I’ll see you Monday at 5:30?

Kara

——

Perfect!! See you then!!

James

——

Kara hasn’t breathed properly in half an hour. When she’d knocked on James’s door, he’d opened it with a smile already in place. He’d showered after hockey practice and was wearing just shorts and a tank top that put his arms openly on display. He smelled nice too, and if Kara were able to string a sentence together, she might have asked him what shampoo he uses.

She has been doing her best to stumble her through tutoring him and it’s much harder than it had been with Vasquez and M’gann, but then again neither of them had been sitting there all distractingly attractive. On the bright side, it seems that James’s only problem is visualization. He understands the concepts and the equations and when to use them. He just needs help setting up the initial force diagrams.

“Okay,” he says, as he draws the diagram for the third problem. “I think I’m getting this. How’s this look?”

“Uh… good! Mostly… you forgot the normal force again… and friction goes in the opposite direction of motion.”

James groans and slams his head down none-to-gently on the table. Kara wants to help, wishes that she could do something other than offer weak condolences.

“Don’t get frustrated. You’re already doing so much better than when we started! I mean it!!”

James lifts his head up from the table and grins at Kara and her heart trips and stutters because she’s never seen that smile (so warm and open) up so close before.

“Thanks, Kara,” he says, softly and then turns back to his work.

Kara does her best to not spontaneously combust. By the end of the hour, James’s has finished his homework and he did the last two questions mostly without Kara’s help. He slams the textbook closed triumphantly and leans back in his chair to stretch. Kara does her best not to look at where his tank-top rides up above his shorts (she fails and oh man, those abs would make Superman jealous).

“Man, it’s a lot easier to do the way you explain it,” James says. “I mean, I like Mrs. Hamilton but what she says in class makes no sense to me.”

“Different people learn differently,” Kara says, adjusting her glasses as an excuse to hide her blush. “We just had to find what worked for you.”

James’s expression shifts from gratitude into something even softer somehow.

“You’re incredible,” he says. “I mean, you don’t know how many people have tried to help me with this stuff and it took you one day.”

This time, there’s no hiding her blush.

“No… I mean, I just… It was really no big deal. You’re smart so… it’s not like… it wasn’t a problem.”

“It still means a lot to me. Um, but I don’t want to keep you past your time,” James says, suddenly flustered, jumping out of his seat. “Let me walk you to the bus stop.”

“Oh no,” Kara replies, standing. “You really don’t have to. I’ll be fine on my own.”

“Sorry Kara,” James says, and he grabs Kara’s bag for her and slings it over his shoulder. “My mom raised a gentleman so there’s no getting out of it. I'm walking you there and you're just gonna have to deal with it."

Kara opens her mouth again to argue but he’s already sweeping past her to grab the keys and holding the door open for her.

“I… thank you,” she says.

They walk to the bus stop in silence. Kara desperately wants to find something to say because she doesn’t want this to end now. She wants to pretend that she and James are actually friends (ideally more but she won’t kid herself) and she wants to pretend that he isn’t just being nice just like he is to everyone else. But she’s terrified of saying the wrong thing, of showing exactly how weird and not human and not worthy of his attentions she is so she bites her lip instead.

James waits with her until the bus arrives. He doesn’t try to talk and he doesn’t seem uncomfortable or awkward. Instead, he looks out over the street regarding everything that goes on around him. He watches the birds that flit overhead and the kids playing in the yard and the red card that zooms past them far too fast. His eyes seem to soak in and catalogue everything around him. It’s only when James glances over at her that Kara realizes she was staring and she quickly looks down at her feet. She’s saved from having to make something out of it as the bus pulls up along the curb.

“Thanks again for tonight,” James says, handing Kara her bag. “I’ll see you Thursday? Same time?”

“Uh-huh. Yeah. I’ll see you.”

Through the tinted windows of the bus, Kara watches as James stands on the corner until the bus is out of sight.

“Soooooooo,” Winn says as he slides into his seat next to Kara at lunch on Tuesday. “How was tutoring the Great James Olsen?”

“Good. He knows how to do all of it. He just needed a little help with the force diagrams.”

“I bet you helped him.”

Winn waggles his eyebrows.

“That’s… that wasn’t even funny, Winn,” Kara says in exasperation. “And like…. nothing happened. I mean, he knows I exist now, which is more than before, but nothing happened.”

“Nothing at all?” Winn seems genuinely disappointed. “No casual touching of hands? No catching each other staring? No leaning closer than necessary to talk?”

“Nothing. I mean, I’m sure he caught me staring a bunch of times but… He looked at the textbook more than he looked at me.”

“What? You’re way prettier than a textbook,” Winn says and Kara rolls her eyes at him. “Well, this was just the first time. Tutoring love stories never unfold at the first session. But you have to keep me updated okay? I am living vicariously through you right now.”

There’s not much to tell Winn at first. Every Monday and Thursday Kara goes to James’s house at 5:30. They work for an hour and then James walks her to the bus stop. James keeps getting better at physics and Kara keeps getting better at not being caught staring (at least she hopes so).

And then one day, James cancels. He sends her a text on Sunday telling her that he can’t make it on Monday but that he’ll see her on Thursday. Kara spends the rest of the evening feeling strangely empty. It only gets worse the next day when she doesn’t see James at school at all, not even sitting with his hockey team at the lunch table.

“Why wasn’t James in class today?” Winn asks Kara.

He seems to think that she has some sort of inside knowledge about him as if they’re actually friends and not just casual acquaintances.

“I don’t know. He cancelled tutoring tonight as well.”

“Weird. Maybe he’s sick.”

“Yeah, I guess so.”

But the next day James seems fine. Completely healthy and happy as he messes around with the guys from his team at lunch and Kara only gets more curious. It’s strange that James would just skip school. He’s a good student and a hard-worker and it’s entirely out of character.

On Thursday, when Kara knocks, James lets her in with pleading eyes.

“This oscillation stuff makes no sense to me Kara. You have to save me,” he says. “Ugh, this is what happens when I miss one tutoring session. Everything falls apart.”

Kara laughs because she’s fairly certain that it’s not as bad as James is making it out to be. The way he grins at her tells her she’s right. Kara sits at her usual seat at the kitchen table and then turns to James.

“Can I ask why you cancelled? I noticed you weren’t in school either.”

James glances at Kara and his eyes suddenly seem dark enough to drown in.

“I-I mean, you don’t have to if it was personal or something. Gosh, I shouldn’t have asked… It’s none of my business,” Kara says.

“No, no,” James says, reaching over as if to touch Kara’s arm but stopping just short. “It’s fine, Kara. It was the anniversary of my father’s death and every year my mother and I go to visit his grave. It’s at a military cemetery about an hour and a half away so we usually make a day trip out of it.”

It’s only then that Kara realizes she’s never seen or heard James talk about his father at all. She’d crossed paths with his mother a couple times as she came in and out of the house but she had assumed that his father worked late or something. Really, she hadn’t even thought about it.

Now, she does, and she thinks about her own father. She thinks about crushing sadness. She thinks about how every day is bad, but the anniversary of the day she came to earth is the worst because the date resonates. April 15th. It’s a date that is engraved into her mind. She doesn’t skip school on that day, because she doesn’t have a grave to visit and its better if she stays busy but she can understand the desire to.

“Oh,” Kara says, and there’s nothing else she can really say.

She’s been searching for the rights words for situations like these. The ones that would make everything a little less terrible. But there aren’t any. In her experience, everything falls short. So instead, Kara reaches across the table and places her hand on top of James’s. He glances down at it and then flips his hand over so that he can squeeze Kara’s finger’s gently with his own.

“There’s not much you can say to that, is there?” James says playfully but, while his tone is light, his eyes remain firmly locked onto their joined hands and the smile he’s trying to force doesn’t quite make it to his eyes.

“Not in my experience,” Kara replies softly.

James looks up at that and his eyes are a little wet as he does.

“You’ve lost someone?” he asks.

Kara nods.

“My parents, in a fire when I was twelve,” she says, and she has to swallow down everything else that she wants to say.

Not just her parents. No, she lost her aunt, who she loved like a second mother. She lost her friends and classmates, and teachers. She lost Del-Or. She lost the sound of Kryptonian in her ears every morning and she lost the technology and the way the air always smelled slightly of sulfur. She lost the way the red sun turned everything soft shades of deep red. She lost her whole world.

But she can’t tell him that. She can’t ever tell anyone that, and even those she could tell, how would they ever understand. So she keeps it simple. She lost her parents. In a fire. It’s enough though to make James’s eyes soften with understanding and sympathy.

The moment hangs between them heavily and for a moment neither of them moves, fingers still intertwined over the table and tears gathering in their eyes as they let themselves, just for a second, feel the overwhelming crush of their loss. But then James is clearing his throat and pulling away and Kara lets him because this is not what she came for.

“So… um, wave motion,” James says. “I don’t understand it.”

Kara nods and reads over his work so far to see if she can help.

That day changes the dynamic between them somewhat. James’s eyes always soften now into something warm and familiar when they see each other and it makes Kara’s heart race each time. He says 'hi' to her in the halls now and every so often, when they catch each other with time between periods they’ll chat about their classes. He’s frighteningly easy to be around. Winn keeps encouraging her to make a move, to ask him out, to do something but Kara likes the way things are now and she’s afraid of messing it up.

Of course, that balance can’t last forever and it’s broken in the most surprising way possible. One day, a Thursday after tutoring James, Kara comes home to find Lucy Lane in her living room. She and Alex are sitting side by side hunched over a poster board with markers and glue sticks in their hands. They’re leaning together, talking under their breaths but when Kara walks in they both look up.

“Hey, how was tutoring?” Alex asks, glancing at Lucy as she does.

“Fine,” Kara replies.

She doesn’t know if Lucy knows that Kara is tutoring James. Doesn’t know how she’d feel if she did know. Technically it’s none of her business who James is being tutored by, especially after they broke up, but Kara is still nervous in the face of James’s ex-girlfriend. Even without the fact that Lucy had dated the guy Kara is interested in, Kara is pretty sure she would be nervous in front of Lucy Lane. She’s just so… perfect.

“Well, Lucy is staying for dinner, which Mom said you had to help her with when you got home. I helped last night.”

Kara nods and gives Lucy a little wave of acknowledgement. Lucy smiles back at her and waves as well. Alex snickers at the exchange and Kara darts away into the kitchen to hide her blush. Eliza is busy chopping vegetables that she hands over to Kara the moment she walks in, in favor of preparing the chicken. Kara doesn’t actually mind helping with dinner. It had taken a while before Eliza had really trusted her with a knife, not because she might hurt herself (she couldn’t) but because she when she’d first arrived she’d never been gentle enough. They had bought three different knife sets before banishing Kara from the kitchen until she got better at controlling her strength.

Now, she does much better and she likes that she’s being useful and helping out. Kara, for the longest time, had felt bad about encroaching on the Danvers’s family. She knew how much they were doing for her (how much money they were spending to keep her fed and replace the stuff she broke). She also knew that Jeremiah leaving and subsequent death could also partially be blamed on her. But whenever she tried to promise to make it up to Eliza when she was older and had a job of her own, Eliza shut her down.

“You’re family, Kara,” she’d say. “You don’t owe us anything and if you try to give me money at any point in our lives, I will not accept it.”

So Kara has stopped trying to make promises and resorted to helping out in any way she can. She knows that Eliza appreciates it after long days at work and Kara likes being able to spend time with her adoptive mother, who is kinder to her than anyone else has ever been.

“Hmm, well, that should do it,” Eliza says, putting the final touches on the meal. “Would you please call Alex and her friend?”

Kara walks into living room to see that Alex and Lucy have either finished or abandoned their project in favor of watching youtube videos or something. Kara hadn’t known that Alex and Lucy were this close, or close at all for that matter. But from the way they’re curled up on the couch together, they seem like old friends. Kara clears her throat awkwardly.

“Uh, dinner’s ready guys.”

They both look up as if surprised that she’d there in front of them but it only lasts a second before Alex is rising off the couch and practically running to the dinner table.

“I’m starving,” she says in lieu of an explanation and Lucy laughs.

They’ve barely settled down before Eliza starts asking questions. She wants to know everything about Lucy and Alex’s project, which is apparently for the US Government class they have together. Alex is well-used to her mother’s questions and she answers her promptly and easily taking care not to allow any openings that would lead to further questioning. Lucy just nods along and adds anything she can wherever it’s relevant.

Eventually though, Eliza’s attention turns to Kara.

“So, how was tutoring?”

“Good,” Kara replies. “He’s getting a lot better. Mostly doesn’t need me anymore honestly. I should probably stop taking his money.”

“That’s good to hear. But hopefully there will be other students who need your help. I can tell that you’re enjoying it.”

“I think that might have a little to do with who she’s tutoring,” Alex mutters under her breath.

From all the way across the table, Kara knows Eliza didn’t hear it. Kara wouldn’t have without her superheating. But Lucy is sitting right next to Alex and she glances over curiously.

“Who are you tutoring?” Lucy asks.

“I-I,” Kara stutters. “I’m not supposed to say. It’s confidential really. I think there have been cases in the past of bullying?”

Lucy nods politely.

“Oh, don’t be silly Kara. Lucy’s not going to bully anyone,” Alex says. “Kara’s tutoring James.”

Eliza shoots Alex a sharp look that tells her she will be getting a lecture later while Kara does her best to just… sink into the floor. She watches recognition flicker across Lucy’s features. Lucy looks at Kara closely, her green eyes darting across her face, most likely cataloguing how Kara won’t look her in the eye, how she’s blushing, how Kara reaches up and fiddles with her glasses. But thankfully, she doesn’t press.

The moment passes without Eliza noticing thankfully and they move on to talk about the conference Eliza is going to next week. After dinner, Alex is roped into cleaning up while Lucy goes back to the living room to work on their project a little more. Kara tries to sneak upstairs to her room but her foot is barely on the first step before Lucy calls out to her. A little reluctantly, Kara turns back to face her.

“You like him,” Lucy says with no preamble.

Kara wouldn’t say she knows Lucy that well, but she does know that she can be a little blunt and very forward at times.

“Who?” Kara asks, hoping that playing dumb is the right move.

“Don’t play dumb.” Okay so not the right move. “It’s okay, it doesn’t bother me. I think I’d be happy if he ended up dating you actually.”

Kara blinks because of all the ways this conversation could have gone, she could never have predicted this.

“I… what?”

Lucy sighs.

“Come here. Sit.”

Kara knows her movements are jerky and unsure but she feels like she’s walking into a proverbial lion’s den. She sits next to Lucy and doesn’t say anything.

“Everyone at school has a million and two ideas about why we broke up,” Lucy says, and she leans back as if she’s about to tell a very long story. “I know that we were, for lack of a better term, the ‘It Couple’ and that our breakup shocked a few people.”

It’s true. It had been the talk of the school when Kara had arrived though it had happened over the summer long before Kara had arrived. People kept wondering when and if they would get back together. Kara had done her best to ignore it but it was nearly impossible.

“But not many people know why we broke up. It’s nothing dramatic,” Lucy adds hastily catching Kara’s curious expression. “I mean, it’s the opposite of dramatic really. We both realized that we liked each other, a lot, but mostly as friends. I think I was dating the idea of him, y’know? The golden boy, good at everything. I thought my father would be proud if I took him home with me, he wasn’t, but I thought with my sister dating Clark Kent, maybe I could live up to her somehow. And James, it turns out, was dating me because everyone said he should. And, I mean… He liked me, but not as much as he should have I guess. And we had a really long conversation about it and we’re still friends, but I… I don’t have feelings for him anymore. So if that’s why you’re being weird, don’t worry about it.”

It’s a lot to process all at once and Kara has to sit quietly for a second. She had thought… she wasn’t sure, but it had been hard for her to imagine that James and Lucy had been a clean split after all the time they’d been together.

“Lucy!!” Alex calls from the kitchen. “Your dad’s here to pick you up!”

“One sec,” Lucy shouts back.

She gathers up her things and then looks back at Kara who is still sitting nervously on the couch.

“What I’m saying,” Lucy says, “Is that we’re still close, me and James. And we talk sometimes. And you? He talks about you a lot. You don’t have to do anything with that information. I’m just letting you know.”

And with that, Lucy walks out of the living room, leaving Kara completely stunned.

“Are you okay?” Winn asks. “Because you haven’t said a word since you sat down and it’s freaking me out a little.”

Kara fiddles with the crust of her pizza and pensively takes a bite. When she’s done chewing she looks at Winn.

“What if… What if you knew someone you liked liked you back?”

Winn’s jaw drops in pure surprise and then his lips curl up into an excited grin.

“Did James ask you out? Did he say something?”

Kara tells him about her conversation with Lucy, including her parting words. Winn listens, his blue eyes shining with excitement.

“Dude!! That’s great! That’s great news!! Gosh, you two are going to make a very attractive couple.”

“Winn!” Kara hisses emphatically. “I don’t… what am I supposed to do?”

“Ask him out!!”

“H-how?”

Winn opens his mouth, as if ready to retort and then falls silent. He scratches his chin thoughtfully.

“With words I guess? Say hey, wanna grab lunch or something? I don’t know. It’s not like I have that much experience in this…”

Kara sighs and glances over at where James is sitting with his friends. She watches him as he laughs at something they say, his white teeth glinting like a toothpaste commercial even in the fluorescent lights. And then she watches and he slowly turns to look at her. Her first instinct is to blush and turn away, but before she can, James already has, a small smile dancing at his lips. Slowly, cautiously, he turns back to look at her again, and when he finds her still watching, his smile grows and he lifts a few fingers in a wave.

“Oh my godddd,” Winn whines. “Honestly, if I didn’t know better I’d say you were dating already.”

Kara swats at his arm and pouts when he just laughs before breaking down and laughing with him (she can never stay serious for long around him, that’s why he’s her best friend). When she looks back at James’s table, he’s looking away.

At this point, James barely needs her help. But Kara would come even if he wasn’t paying her. (She feels a little bad that he is still paying her because he really doesn’t need to be anymore.) She loves spending time with him. Her crush on him before she’d really known him had been difficult to manage but now that she knows him better, knows how kind and smart and wonderful he is, it’s nearly impossible.

Whenever she’s around him, her fingers itch to reach out, to touch him, hold him. She wants to hug him and curl up with him on the couch to watch movies. She want so kiss him and feel him kiss her back. She finds herself staring, and since she doesn’t need to help him that much anymore, more often than not, she daydreams.

“Kara? Kara.”

Kara blinks away the images of her and James eating potstickers together and focuses instead on the way he’s looking at her with mild concern.

“You okay? I’ve been saying your name for a while,” he asks.

“Yeah, yeah,” Kara assures him, waving away his concern. “Do you need help with something?”

“Uh, no actually. I finished.”

Kara glances down at her watch to find that there’s still technically half an hour left in her session.

“Wow! That was fast!” she says.

“Uh, yeah, this week’s homework was pretty easy I guess,” James says, rubbing awkwardly at the back of his neck.

Silence falls heavily between them. Kara doesn’t want to leave yet. With Lucy’s words echoing in her years, she wants to believe that James doesn’t want her to leave either. Still, she’s not sure what she’s supposed to say now.

“It’s kind of weird that we don’t hang out at school,” James says suddenly. “I mean, I feel like you know more about me than most people. I haven’t told that many people about my dad and all that stuff. And I like you… I mean, I feel like we’re friends and it’s just weird that we don’t really spend time together.”

Kara blushes and shrugs.

“I mean, you’re usually with your hockey team and I’ve got my other friends I guess.”

“Right, right,” James says and he looks… disappointed.

Kara thinks about Lucy's words, the implication that James maybe liked her. The implication that her feelings weren't one sided and if she asked, James might not say no.

“Do you…” Kara says, “want to hang out some time? We could… go to a movie?”

“I would love to,” James replies and his voice and eyes are soft. “I’ll text you. Or you can text me. Are you free this weekend?”

Kara feels giddy with something that’s hard to describe and she can’t stop smiling long enough to speak so instead she just nods.

“Cool.”

“Great! Awesome!” Kara says, nearly tripping over herself as she stands to leave.

She drops her backpack twice and James laughs good naturally as he hands it back to her. As he walks her to the bus stop, Kara feels butterflies in her stomach that only get worse every time she glances up at him to see a small, content smile on his face. When he waves goodbye to her as she boards the bus, Kara thinks her heart might burst.

“Oh my god,” Alex says. “You have a date? You have a date with James Olsen and you didn’t think to tell me until fifteen minutes before you had to leave?”

“It’s not a date,” Kara says. “We’re just hanging out. And I need help picking a shirt.”

“Why do you need a fancy shirt if you’re just hanging out?” Alex says.

“Shush and just help me okay?”

Alex rolls her eyes and hands Kara a blue shirt.

“I can’t believe you’re going on a date with James Olsen and you didn’t tell me. You better give me every single detail when you get back.”

“It’s not a date, but fine, I’ll tell you everything, I promise.”

When James rings the doorbell, Kara nearly breaks her bed in her haste to get up. It groans under her weight and Alex shoots her a warning look. Kara hears Eliza greeting James downstairs and she gets downstairs as fast as she can so as to spare James as much parental interaction as she can. When she gets down he is standing charmingly in the doorway, politely telling Eliza what a wonderful home she has. When he catches sight of Kara though, he falls silent and his smile grows. Eliza follows his line of sight and her expression softens.

“Uh, hi Kara,” James says and, gosh, they’re just hanging out but it feels like the beginning of a date.

Alex seems to agree because she whispers under her breath so that only Kara could possible hear, “not a date my ass.” Kara really wants to say something back. Instead she blushes and tucks a loose strand of hair behind her ear (it’s not meant to be flirty but the moment she realizes she’s doing it, she thinks it might be).

“Hey James. Are you ready to go?”

“Uh, yeah, we don’t want to miss the movie,” he says.

“Right, yes,” Kara says.

“Be back before dinner,” Eliza reminds her. “Have fun you two.”

“I will make sure she’s home on time, Mrs. Danvers,” James says politely, making Eliza’s smile grow.

It’s not a date. It’s definitely not a date, but it feels like one when James buys Kara her ticket and a large tub of popcorn before she can protest. It feels like one when they sit next to each other, reaching into the popcorn tub at the same time. It feels like one when James leans over to whisper a comment and his breath brushes against her cheek.

They stop for ice cream afterwards and they eat as they walk through the park. James laughs as Kara talks rapidly about her favorite parts of the movie, acting scenes out with sound effects and everything. (It’s a bad habit she picked up from Winn but James seems charmed by it more than anything else.)

But eventually they finish their ice cream and everything seems to slow down. Kara doesn’t want to go home even with the promise of Eliza’s dinner waiting for her. She slows down her walk subconsciously so that she can pretend that as she slows down, time will too. James matches her without complaint until eventually, they both come to a stop.

“I had fun today,” James says.

He’s smiling a little, his eyes crinkling at the corners as he looks down at her. Kara ducks her head.

“I did too.”

“We should do this again,” James says. “Hang out, I mean. We don’t have to go to a movie.”

Kara nods. “I would love to.”

“I’ll, um, I’ll walk you home,” James says.

He’s about to start walking again, and Kara is flooded with panic. Today was... perfect. It was everything Kara had been dreaming of since first seeing James and she doesn't want it to end. She wants to know that after James drops her off at her house that they can do this again, and she wants to know if maybe next time i can mean something. So, with a rush of bravery (encouraged by Lucy's words) Kara steps up in front of him and shakes her head.

“Not yet,” she says. “I don’t want this to end. I... I had a lot of fun today and I don't want it to be over. James, I...”

James looks down at her and blinks slowly. His eyes dip to her lips, probably subconsciously, because they flicker right back up to her eyes. But Kara doesn't miss it, and without meaning to, she mirror's him. When her eyes dip, Kara hears his breath hitch quietly. They move at the same time, Kara pressing up onto her toes and James leaning down until their lips meet softly, gently, almost cautiously. Kara’s heart races and she can feel James’s thundering as she presses her hand against his chest for leverage. It stops being cautious when James brings his hand up to Kara’s neck, pulling her closer. He’s smiling against Kara’s lips and Kara can’t stop herself from smiling in response.

When they pull away, Kara knows her face is flushed and James’s smile is bigger than Kara’s ever seen it. It only makes her fall for him more.

“I’m so glad I wasn’t the only one who wanted to do that,” James says.

Kara ducks her head and nods though it wasn’t really a question.

“Can I take you out tomorrow?” James asks. “On a real date?”

“Yes please,” Kara says.

James grins at her and leans down once more, slowly as if he’s not sure he’s allowed. Kara doesn’t hesitate to press up onto her toes.

“I should… um,” James says after pulling away. “I should get you home. But tomorrow, a date, definitely.”

Kara uses his collar to pull him down for one more kiss, “Definitely.”

#karolsen #supergirl #kara danvers #james olsen #high school au #supergirl fic #my writing

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