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sparring-spirals · 4 years

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I’m finally rewatching episode 85 properly! (aka not in gifs/shitposts/clips) I’m also putting off watching 86 because I don’t know if I’m ready for the return of Yasha yet. Some fun notes I have for the first half of the ep:

- good god they really got shanked while shopping, i had forgotten. “I’m never gonna feel safe anywhere again.” yeah laura thats fair.

- Pumat, panicked: “This really isn’t a normal day!”. Caduceus: “I mean. .. .. for us it kind of is...”

- “Have you ever heard of the Chained Oblivion?” “Haha yeah. ................wait are you serious?” “Yep.” “Does she not look serious?” (cue laura, making faces)

- oh i didn’t remember that this episode is like 50% Daddy Issues tm

- “what do i do if he says [you’re not my child i disavow you]??” nott: “I don’t know! I’ve never been in this situation!” yeah nott, because your wonderful parents travis and ashley would NEVER do that to you.

(dropping more under the cut for the sake of not flooding dashes)

- beau: *talking about the one personal conversation she’s had with her dad* nott, still trying to prove a point: and were you disguised as your mom. beau: “n- no. i cant do that.”

- “So lets all just walk in as the Ruby of the Sea-”

- wow this conversation (watches nott hand the gentleman a hankerchief)... could be going worse- “about the fact that you’re my dad!” “INSIGHT CHECK” ohp there we go.

- The M9 walking around/talking to anyone: “hello! perfectly inconspicuous! also yeah we’re being hunted by a horrifying eldritch creature/cult, lol. its super bad. hey where are you going? Why do you look so worried all of a sudden?”

- “Running into the maws of terrible black devouring gods-” *The Mighty Nein, thinking about the time they Literally Jumped Into The Mouth Of A Fucking Huge Monster* “I mean.”

- Jester is so upset after the Ruby of the Sea thing failed :( But god, Fjord leaning on her on one side and Beau leaning on the other. Those three. <3

- Beau: “My dad didn’t want me either.” Jester, through tears: “Fuck them.” Beau: “Fuck them!” god, my fucking heart. this also makes the scene in the bar for 93 way more painful.

- “He only trafficks humans sometimes!”

- Yall! how did i miss all of this! theres so much love for jester this ep! aaaaaaaa! Caleb sitting down with her too <3 Caduceus talking to the gentleman about it!

- Okay the conversation between Beau and Nott is just as hilarious and stunning as it was the first time. notts secret! the “you’re into caleb? you have a crush on ME???” “im trustworthy! look at this face!” “YOU TELL EVERYBODY EVERYTHING!”

- Also, Beau has such “god do not talk about my SIBLING to me like that” vibes when nott is talking about caleb i adore it.

- Also, travis’s face/matthews face. INCREDIBLE.

- can someone make a compilation of the extremely unconvincing “YEAH OF COURSE” from the M9.

- *drunkenly* i could be her ~beacon~.

- this isnt a comment this is me remembering i never got to go back and reblog all the episode 85 stuff. i can finally do that once i finish this episode! yay!

- i can’t believe harassing The Gentleman into admitting his love for marion worked. my thoughts on this conversation probably should have their own post, for the sake of keeping this one lighthearted.

- but like. damn. damn.

- “Its so easy to get caught up in drugs and alcohol and men and women and your own little game of kingpin, but when I saw you, all of that changed.”

Jester, who doesn’t drink, do drugs, or sleep around, gets her entertainment from masterminding chaos and not running an underground crime scene: “wow.”

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tumblunni · 6 years

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Oh fuck i cant stand this

Ive already almost used up my damn mobile data again and i only bought it yesterday. Fuck i want to go home. You guys are like the only comfort i have here and i dunno what im gonna do when i cant message you again

Fuckin hell stupid shit day! I was supposed to go to a therapy class thing today but the stupid bus went past where my abusive father lives and i had a MASSIVE FREAKOUT and had to go home and then ofcourse to go home you have to go back on the stupid same bus!! I fuckib failed and wasted the doctor's time and he had to grab me to stop me from running off the bus crying and back to fuckin hell dad's house because im shit and i deserve everything he ever did to me

AND THEN fuckin same doctor continues the relentless constant tide of everyone misgendering me and making crass transphobic jokes

"You see you've gotta understand the other opinion" he says, as if trans people werent fuckin raised SURROUNDED by cis people's predjudiced opinion of us and taught it was fact. As if it didnt take me SO MUCH WORK to even become confident enough to stand up for myself! I've gotta see the 'other opinion' that "yknow well families and children use public bathrooms and theyre scared trans people will molest their children so its understandable they want to kick you out or even act violent to you". Yknow the OTHER OPINION that MY OPINION DOESNT MATTER and also MY ENTIRE EXISTANCE IS A CRIME but i'm the one being predjudiced for not accepting that OPINION, right?! Im here trying to tell him that no that isnt rational because there have been LITERALLY NO RECORDED CASES of trans people molesting children in public bathrooms, or even "evil men faking being trans" to do the same thing. There's been more cases of actual cis men breaking into women's bathrooms to drag women out for merely LOOKING trans. More cis women have been harassed because of anti trans laws than they ever did before! But hey "respect that other opinion", right? And also "at least its not as bad as russia" and "but gay pride is everywhere now, that one footballer had rainbow shoelaces." Hey wow i never noticed that not only was homophobia totally over but also transphobia was remotely related to that! Wow! I seriously had to bring out the fuckin 1600s historical investigation on pre-british olde englishe that showed the existance of a gender neutral pronoun before the word "he" ever existed, and the existance of transgender pride and pronoun discussions in the 1800s before the word transgender was even popularized. I cant believe i fuckin had to do a 'show your sources that queer people existed before the internet' IN REAL LIFE. WITH A MEDICAL PROFESSIONAL. I can point at the damn NHS website but nooooo!

Oh and yknow what got me the most? YKNOW WHAT GOT ME THE MOST?? "We have sick people here, you cant expect them to remember stuff like that. Dont ruin their recovery by bringing up stuff like that." Like..fuckin..IM A FUCKIN PATIENT TOO. I wasnt even asking the other patients to stop hurting me i was asking you the staff to maybe consider it! And seriously you want me to be so super ultra perpetually prepared and perpetually rational and able to keep my existance secret and out of every conversation yet theyre too ill to learn about lgbt people existing? Just a sentence would be too painful? And me living every day being misgendered doesnt impact my ability to recover at all, eh? Fuckin shitting fuck hell.

And i hate it i HATE IT because he's being nice so i'll be the bad guy if i complain. Likehe fuckin..doesnt even know he's being rude and doesnt want to consider the idea. He says 'i dont like your tone' if i suggest the concept and FUCK in that moment i was so fuckin scared he was gonna hit me like my dad did. Or at tge very least kick me out of the hospital if i dont cooperate with him. He just fuckin..thinks he's perfectly unbiased and accepts everyone and "oh but i like to make fun of everyone equally". And i even fuckin raised the subject that people who say that often only make fun of minorities and never themselves, the majority, or major power structures. And he's just like 'yeah yeh i hate people like that'. Whoosh. Rigjt over the head. God i wasnt even TRYING to be passive aggressive i was trying tk outright tell him why what he said was upsetting me but NOPE. Trying to explain how its just so hard and tiring to have to verrrrrry patientlyyyyy explain yourself to EVERYONE EVERY DAY CONSTANTLY while they sling loads of rude words at you and it should be just allowed because they 'dont know better'. Like you ask me to educate you but at the same time im rude if i actually tell you?? And god i also tried to explain how the fuckin bathroom violence thing isnt an example of 'educating another opinion' AGAIN by saying like... If someone just asked me to explain being transgender i would. If someone just said they were uncomfortable i would leave. That's 'another opinion'. Reacting with slurs and violence to a trans person existing and not doing anything to you is not 'another opinion' and its not someone who 'just didnt know'. He was seriously trying to argue that it WASNT BIGOTED it was just someone rationally being afraid for their children because of a danger that doesnt exist, and rationally reacting with extreme violence rather than doing anything else. Rationally. RATIONALLY. oh just MISTAKENLY committing a hate crime! Cos they just didnt know trans people exist! Not cos they hate us! Oh no! Yeah sure we totally have a fucking DUTY to educate these POOR UNKNOWING PEOPLE while theyre attacking us, and its our damn fault if we didnt...

And just fucking FUCK i hate how someone can say all that stuff and still be "nice" and still not hate me personally? Like its so messed up?? He's not anti trans or anything he just has so much more damn sympathy for cis people than trans people, and puts all the onus on us to somehow prevent our own murders. And he thinks that "i dont have a problem with trans people" means doing LITERALLY NOTHING to change your behaviour to make trans people feel accepted. They should just magically know that your jokes are jokes when theyre surrounded by so many people saying it honestly, in CONSTANT FEAR OF THAT EXACT THING LEADING TO VIOLENCE. And like in order to be "a guy who has no problem with trans people" he has to do nothing, while in order for me to be not bigoted against HIM it means i have to never get offended by his jokes and also never talk about myself and also constantly educate him about things because he doesnt want to learn, even though he works in a hospital thats supposed to have an anti discrimination policy. Like fuckin just NOT HURTING LGBT PEOPLE doesnt make you discrimination free, shit like telling me to misgender myself because my pronouns would confuse the other patients is kinda fuckin fucked up. Also "that's a question for later" is all i CONSTANTLY get when it comes to talking about legal name changes or therapy or even just talking to an lgbt support group. I have to wait until i stop being depressed because oh no im talking about too many mental illnesses at once. Its been seven years and i havent fuckin stopped being depressed, bitch! Ever consider a fuckin symptom of gender dysphoria is a big ol fat depression!!! And just gahhhhh he was so fuckin baffled and angry that i would dare to get emotional about the subject?? Like he just saw DEBATING WHETHER TRANS PEOPLE ARE REAL and WHETHER PEOPLE WHO MURDER THEM FOR USING THE BATHROOM ARE JUSTIFIED as a perfectly normal casual discussion that a Non Transphobic Man could have with his transgender friend. Why oh why would i cry about this casual hypothetical discussion? Hey its not like it fuckin affects me directly! "Well its never happened to you right?" A Ha Ha Ha Ha. Also fuckin "so which bathroom do you use?" and "well you're not really transgender if youre not getting the surgery-oh wait you do want the surgery? How does that work then?" I swear i could just see the gears turning in his head and he was about to say "do you want both down there". Gahhhhhh *cringes myself into a tiny tumbleweed and blows away*

Also the entire time he kept calling being trans a sexuality and also asexuality. "No youre not trans youre asexual right?" Yeah sure ive just been saying im trans and saying im not a girl and wearing a chest binder and talking this entire conversation about my experiences as a trans person in public bathrooms just to pull an elaborate prank on you. And like i know what he meant is that he thought the word for nonbinary was asexual (has asexuality REALLY made so little progress towards getting into the sex ed curriculum in the entire 25 years of my life?) But like seriously he was like "youre not really trans if youre nonbinary". And then fuck dude i dont wanna explain how surgery works to you!! And especially not also my entirely unrelated sexuality that has entirely different equally upsetting predjudices!

Ans gahhhh fuck i just got no sympathy for crying and he acted as if it was just some wildly unexpected occurance he never could have predicted. And i hate it cos he's nice to me whenever the subject is about anything else. I cant get any symoathey from ANYONE because he's A NICE GUY and why dont i just understaaaaaand other opinionnnnnns

I wanted to fuckin quit this whole thing on the spot and go home. Only reason i cant is because my support worker is off work until thursday auauauaughhh

Fuck at least one positive i guess is that ive made progress in the social anxiety or at least gotten better at giving the impression im making progress. Cos i want to LEAVE AS FAST AS POSSIBLE. And also fuck all my other worries seem less suicide-inducing when im actually getting the closest ive ever been to killing myself on a daily basis because of a stupid other thing that i never could have predicted. Go here for one form of self hate, come home with another! Yayyyyy

And fuck i havent even made a single bit of progress on drawing or writing anything and i cant practise making ganes cos my laptop cant run rpgmaker and i havent even started reading my giant pile of books cos they fuckin LOOK THROUGH THE WINDOW EVERY SINGLE HOUR TO MAKE SURE YOU AINT KILLED YOURSELF. i have no fuckin pribacy and its making me wanna kill myself even more!! I just live constantly on edge looking at the fuckin door window and i cant even do anything to distract myself because im too scared of them looking at me!! Or barging in at no notice to tell me i have to do some big stressful thing RIGHT NOW because i dont even get advance notice of anything aaaa! And fuck i dont have anywhere to go to even calm down from a panic attack cos i have no privacy so at least im getting over being scared of going outside cos outside is the only place i can go to cry. Fuckin strangers in the crowd at least wont cause shit if they see me.

Fuck i want to go home. Fuck i wish i had enough money to keep buying mobile internet. Its like fuckin 750mb a day to run tumblr but its all ive got to talk to any person who doesnt hate me or patronize me or think im faking a bunch of shit or whatever the fuck. And im not even any fun to be around when im like this so im probably just ruining your day too. And im probably gonna vanish again soon and then just go back to crying alone and getting worse and probably never being able to leave

I knew it was gonna be stressdul but i didnt predict any of this.. I just wanna fuckin die. I wanted to jump out the car and go to my old dad's house and have him pull open the door and slap me around a bit. Like call me a fucking dyke, call me a sick retard, be honest about your feelings! I'd fuckin take being abused over this "oh youre the bad one for being mad because i had goooood intentions" reverse psychology bigotry from hell. Either these people are evil geniuses or theyre even more stupid like me. Fuckin shit dad please manifest in my room and slap me, killing me instantly. I feel like being scared of you would at least be a faster emotion than this nebulous sensation of confusing unease and dysphoria 24/7 for 6 fuckin months. One week done, haha! Hahahabahahahahahahahahahahahahshahahahahahshshshahshahahahhahahaaaa

#suicide mention #im sorry #all their no privacy shit doesnt even work cos i was just left alone all night when i wanted to kill myself #and took then three days to notice the wound on my arm #didnt cut my veins or anything dangerous i just couldnt stop scratching #at my skin for an hour and now there's a bit of a mess there #but its scabbed over so its fine #i drew all over the other arm to keep from hurting myself again #i thought i was okay after that nice experience at the build a bear workshop but im even #worse today cos now i k ow the staff are just fuckin fine with transphobia and im gonna just have to #shut my mouth i guess #fuck just look forward to the art classes whenever i finally get to do them #but i was looking forward to the class today and then i couldnt do it cos i got all scared of dad #fuckkkkkkk

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avasilvugh · 7 years

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Kara and Lena dealing with any of the kids being bullied?

HOO BOY

well kara “fight me” danvers and lena “come at me bro” luthor dont take kindly to anything or anyone threatening their kiddos, let’s just put that out there now like........they are such mama bears, it is ridiculous. their kiddos are sometimes a lil embarrassed like god moms we have it under control but also they three hundred percent appreciate it, appreciate the security that comes in knowing their moms are always in their corner

SO finn and maia dont rlly get bullied?? finn does once (literally just once) but he handles it himself, is so disarmingly kind and literally befriends his bully. to be fair, they’re like seven but still. and maia?? is literally kind of terrifying like no one’s going to fucking mess with her

what im saying is that its stella that gets bullied and she gets bullied kind of a lot?? its through her entire life tbh, or at least her entire time in school and she hides a lot of it tbh?? like there’s stuff that her moms dont find out abt until later, until its too late for them to do anything abt it bc stella has this habit of just internalizing everything and repressing the shit out of it. but they do know abt most of it and like..........u know that gif of kara throwing down her purse when lena’s getting arrested? pls picture that when i tell u what happens bc that’s.......that’s what’s happening

but yeah, she’s small and soft and cries easily, is a little weird and v intense and like?? she doesnt benefit from the innate magnetism her siblings have a la kara. like she’s v sweet and endearing in her own right, but stella is very much not of this world in a way thats entirely different from her siblings. where maia and finn grow into gods, essentially, the best analogy for stella would probably be like a fae or smth?? smth obviously not of this world, enough so that it makes some ppl uncomfortable

but its elementary school and kids are kids and they dont have the words to explain why they dont like the littlest danvers, so they do the basic kid bullying like excluding stella from stuff and calling her names and at some point it escalates and she starts coming home with the knees or seat of her pants covered in dirt, ripped up palms from getting shoved or tripped and she has friends, she does, but they’re the kids that are also getting bullied so its not as if any of them are going to stick up for each other, they’re all just trying to get by

when kara and lena find out about it

which they only do bc kara happens to be at the school to drop off maia’s book report that she left on the kitchen counter and decides to swing by the other kiddos to say hi for a minute and she happens to show up during stella’s recess, when the teachers are mediating an incident between stella and this girl and stella’s full sobbing, can hardly catch her breath and kara’s incredibly angry in that moment, like who did this, whose mom does she need to call

and the teachers spot her and one comes over and explains the situation, and like, to be clear, the teachers are kind of just learning abt this too??? like i got picked on a bit when i was little and those kids were always so good at figuring out the best moment to do whatever it was they wanted to do, always the second the teacher looked away, so theyre doing their best, only found out bc one of the teachers had a sobbing stella ask if she could go back to the classroom for the rest of recess

but basically this girl called stella a weirdo, said some shitty stuff abt stella being adopted, was basically the meanest you can be as a kid without like physically hurting stella, and they’re handling it and like kara kind of gets it, she does, they have protocol, but thats her kiddo crying and she’s like what exactly are you doing to handle it

and the teacher’s like well we’ll have a mediation with the school counselor and they’ll sign a contract but like.....and kara’s v rarely like this, she rlly is, she’s usually v understanding and gives everyone the benefit of the doubt, but she’s remembering all the times stella’s seemed like she didnt want to go to school, remembering all the times she’s come home covered in dirt, the way she’s been extra clingy recently and she’s like why does stella have to sign a contract and the teachers sort of......like well its to make sure that everyone behaves nicely towards one another and kara’s tempted to argue this point, but stella’s still sobbing and has just caught sight of her, is already running towards her, so instead she just asks politely that she and lena be included in the mediation and informs the teacher that she’ll be taking stella home early today

stella kind of falls asleep in the car, so kara takes the opportunity to call lena and lena’s like Ready 2 Fight tbh, she’s like okay so when are we meeting this kid’s mother to duel (this is paraphrased ofc) and kara’s like i dunno but do you have a meeting this afternoon? stella’s really upset

technically lena has several meetings this afternoon, but she’s already cancelled abt half of them by this point in the conversation and she’s sure jess is well on her way to cancelling the rest for her, so she packs up and meets kara at home and stella wakes up on the couch, crawls out from her blanket burrito and sprawls across her moms laps and they let her pick the movie so they end up watching princess and the frog and moana and the aristocats while stella dozes, still redfaced from crying

later, lena and kara press her gently for details bc like they’ll fight anyone for her with zero info but information would probably make it a lil easier, so they get names and dates (as accurate as a seven year old can give) and they spend a lot of that afternoon just cuddling stella, asking v gently that she tell them when things like this happen bc they can’t make things better if they dont know whats happening, reminding her that they love her a whole lot, that everything that other girl said is just what a very small, very mean person says when they’re angry that you wont behave like them

so then theres the mediation and its turned more into a mediation between the parents bc this girl went home and told her parents that stella danvers lied, that she was just joking abt what she said but lena sees the immediate flash of disdain in the woman’s eyes when she walks in, kara sees the barely concealed sneer on the dad’s face and wow, yeah, okay, she sees where their daughter gets it

it boils down to this: stella is v much the victim and everyone knows it, so kara and lena throw their collective weight around a little (and they rarely do this, truly, they want their kiddos to learn to handle their own problems without relying on reputation or money or whatever) and get this girl switched into a different class and may or may not start a blood feud between their families

but just a small one

as stella gets older, it’s different?? like she doesnt want her moms getting involved when she gets picked on (and lbr, its the same girl bullying her, just with different lackeys and lena grumbles under her breath abt a mini veronica sinclair every time stella comes home bearing a different story) but she does as they asked when she was little, she tells them about most of the stuff, usually keeps the really bad stuff quiet tho. they do end up finding out abt most stuff, no small thanks to maia hearing abt a lot of shit (tbh she’s like.......the final stop in the rumor mill?? she hears it all and shuts that shit down) and reporting it right back to their moms

though sometimes she........handles it before it gets back to them

like this one time there were these boys that were harassing tiny freshmen stella (she went on a date with one of them and told him to fuck off when he tried to feel her up, so he spreads it around school that stella’s several words that make maia’s hands shake with anger), and like?? its not something to involve their moms in, considering they thought stella was at ari’s house when she went on the date and she’d get in some trouble for lying, so maia just quietly ruins their lives. she punches one of them once, and they’re huge babies who talk a lot of shit and never expect to get called on it so she tells them with no uncertainty that they’ll be apologizing publicly and that if she catches them within ten yards of stella, she’ll make them wish they were never born

but mostly maia tells their moms bc she may not have ever gone through this shit, but she knows that just beating ppl up isnt the answer??? wont actually change anything. so kara and lena hear abt most of what stella goes through and they keep up their steady reassurances, that stella’s beautiful, smart, different in the best way, that she doesnt have to be like anyone else, that they love her just the way she is while they also fight the pta president, this girl’s mom, three teachers that think stella just needs to toughen up (they actually get one of them........not fired, per se, but she doesnt return the next year), an unsympathetic counselor and just abt anyone else that looks at stella the wrong way

like u know how the kids rally around lena and sort of......diffuse the impact of whatever shit the public’s pulling??? the family does the same for stella

eventually it gets bad enough that kara and lena sit down with stella and ask if its even worth it for her, if she even wants to stay at the school or if she’d rather switch to a smaller school that’s a bit more......understanding?? and stella thinks abt it for a long time, and she appreciates the offer??? she rlly does, but she’s never seen her moms run from a fight and she’s not abt to run from this one

the get stella’s bully’s mom kicked off the pta for unbecoming behavior tho

#supergirl #supercorp #kara danvers #lena luthor #superbabies #bullying cw #i didnt get into any specifics but i do have specifics tht r def showing up in a fic #also listen like.....maia would kill for stella #even more so than she would for finn tbh #maia would literally burn the entire fucking world for stella #she's the alex to stella's kara #she'd fucking die for her baby sister even if she doesnt say it a lot #she loves stella so so much #stella's hers and she like tries to make things easier for her #even if it doesnt seem like it all the time #anonymous #human interaction

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samanthasroberts · 6 years

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Southern Charm Recap: Can They Get Any More White?

I have emerged from my two-day hangover solely to write this weeks recap. Guess killing brain cells is one of my hobbies now.

When we left off I wasnt sure if I was Team Kathryn or Team Whitney, and I dont think thats ever going to get resolved tbh. However, I did just notice Kathryns facial expression in the opening sequence more or less sums up her entire personality.

Thomas and JD, back at it again with the polo. Cause that ended really well the last time. Can they get any more white?

Whitney has some fruit salad and is making coffee and Larissas like, If that’s cooking, I’m about to be the next winner of.

Whitney trying to explain what going steady means to Larissa is pretty hilarious tho.

Kathryn andKody? Corey? Fuck, I forgetare getting a seaweed facial or some shit, AKA Bravo is pampering them so they can talk shit in style. Nice.

Kathryn is bummed that once she has her baby she has to go home alone with her two children.

Kathryn: Im a 24-year-old soon-to-be mother of two. If you dont think Im overwhelmed and nervous then you dont think.

Wow that was like, unnecessarily aggressive Kath.

Cooper? Cooper! Calls Thomas a 50-year-old playboy and is like,

Cooper: Instead of letting it frustrating you I just say let it strengthen you.

Cooper is the moral compass this show needs.

Meanwhile Thomas is sipping bourbon with JD on his porch because Kathryn really needs him.

JD: Hows the baby? Thomas: The doctor said fine… JD looks skeptical, because Im sure he knows better than a trained doctor.

JD: Kathryn moving up the due date seems awfully peculiarseems suspect.

JD is a regular Hardy Boy over here.

JD: I think women dont like being asked for paternity tests.

NO FUCKING SHIT.

JD is like, and Thomas is like, Its clear hes forgotten who hes about to have a kid with because Kathryn is NOT going to be down with Thomas basically accusing her of slutting it up and then trying to trap him into fatherhood. JUST SAYING.

Its date night with Craig and Naomie. Craig chooses going to L.A. over the biggest event for his company, because hes never been to L.A. before. And Craig wonders why hes not allowed to head a bourbon division. I don’t foresee this ending well AT ALL. Craig, youre a fucking idiot and for once Naomie is in the right to tell you youre fucking up.

Craig: Do you see how hard Im trying to justify this?

Yeah, because you KNOW YOURE IN THE WRONG. Thats literally what justification is.

Cameran and Landon meet up for a candle-making class and I am kind of jealous because that low-key sounds fun. Landons explaining her travel guide to Cam, so Im going to take a quick nap.

Cameran: I think its hard for Landon bc she was a typical Southern stereotype of the woman who got married young and was taken care of and she doesnt have that anymore.

Wait, how is this the first Im hearing of this failed first marriage? How has this NEVER come up before this season??

Cameran: So any man prospects? Landon: IDK not really its kind of sad and pathetic.

Landon is like Same tho. Cameran: Do you think the reason youre not meeting anyone is because you want something to work out with Shep? Landon:…Yeah

Cameran and I are both like, FINALLY!

*Cue a montage of them looking really couple-y* I’m rooting for you guys!

Landon brings up every middle schoolers dilemma which is that if she dates Shep, then shell lose him as a friend. Can we get like, a violin quartet to score some melodramatic music or something?

Craig and Shep make it to L.A. and Whitneys bachelor pad is sick. I guess this is what that Bravo money gets you. On an unrelated note, I have a very compelling idea for a new reality show, if you wanna get on board Bravo, Ill get you in at the ground level.

Craig: I wouldve had FOMO if I hadnt gotten to come out heresothanks.

Whitney: Meh whatevs

Whitney: #NewCraig has taken on this persona thats like, not chill dude.

Whitney basically lets it go with the caveat that he may never fully trust Craig again. Eh, Im sure theyll be fine.

Shep: You know when youre perfectly drunk and youre really good at pool? Is that like when Im really drunk and I think Im really good at dancing?

Classic Shmosby.

Larissa crashes the boys weekend which is not at all chill. Larissa is, I guess, the WGG of the group.

Shep: Should I change? I dont want to look all fratty and Southern.

Well that ship sailed like, approximately 36 years ago. Whitney makes a joke about waking up in the morning covered in blood and vomit. Was he secretly with me and my friends this weekend? Unclear. V. possible.

These two slutty-looking blondes show up and Shep is in fucking heaven. Craig low-key wants to kill himself.

Whitney: The goofy, disarming thing works in Charleston but not so much in L.A.

I’m sorry, Whitney, but who you callin goofy? You’re not exactly a chiseled Greek god over there. Whitney takes a casual shot at Craigs bourbon knowledge, or lack thereof, and now that hes gotten that off his chest this friendship is back on track.

The aftermath of Whitneys party looks a lot like the scene I dealt with Sunday morning. So, like, maybe they really were there.

Whitney: The marker of a good boys weekend is a pool of vomit with a partially digested meatball in the middle.

Whitney talks about how Shep didnt get any last night and Whitney said he had a meeting with Hand Solo which made me LOL.

Sheps like, and Im getting soooo mf sick of this trope. I am convinced Shep just acts this way because y’all expect him to be a fuckboy and nobody challenges him or holds him to a higher standard. Also, there’s just no way his dick games that good. THERE IS NO WAY.

JD is on the phone with Paula and SURPRISE, Craig basically didnt do shit for this festival yet still wants to be head of the bourbon division. The entitlement is strong with this one. Craigs phone is dead, party casualty, so JD is calling around to all Craigs friends like the angry dad he is. Did I mention this was dumb af, Craig?

Also, LMAO at how hungover they all look. Their hangovers are giving me life.

Craig: I just feel like Im being used to do all the bitchwork and its annoying. I lied, THIS is the whitest thing to happen on this show.

Shep: People take work too seriously. What happened to just drinking beer and laughing your balls off?

Yeah Shep, I think this may be why your restaurant is struggling to pay the rent.

Thomas and Kathryn are discussing the ins and outs of labor, which I will file away for future knowledge. Thomas calls Kathryn an expert at giving birth which is like, kind of rude lol. But I guess also accurate?

Kathryns opening up to Thomas about being alone this time around, looking up at him with big doe eyes, and Thomas is like,SHUT DOWN.

Thomas: The timing is really bad for me, could you just like, not give birth rn?

Kathryn: Thats why I like having you around, youre like a calming presence IDK why.

Kathryn, do you know what calming means? Im starting to think not.

Back at Whitneys, some massage therapist named Megan shows up, and Shep clearly has a boner.

Shep: So youre gonna give us all massages now?

Megan: Its like holding space to really connect more with yourself.

Shep is blatantly sexually harassing this poor girl. JFC. This is so creepy. Tone it the fuck down.

JD & Co. is launching his bourbon line at Charleston Cup, this horse race in Charleston. Craig is nowhere to be found, shockingly.

JD: Work isnt all roses and cherries. Sometimes its dirt and trenches.

Im putting that on a needlepoint for my office.

Sheps not going because his grandpa died. OK thats actually like, very sad. My condolences.

We will now resume with our regularly scheduled program of shit-talking.

Craig is taking forever to get readyCraig and Chad from are both the secret Betches interns.

Craig is hungover with an upset stomach and a sinus infection, which is literally what happens to me every time I drink. AKA right now. We’ll get through this, Craig. Emergen-c and green tea all mf day.

Cams like,

Craig apparently slept in and didnt do anything to help JD set up. Which, Im not surprised by, but again, is a really bad move for when youre trying to show initiative.

Cameran: #NewCraig is starting to run its course because at this point hes becoming #OldCraig

Dannis dropping some random whiskey fun facts and Craig is like, Fuck the bourbon division, Im not sure Craig is qualified to have any job at Gentry HQ, PERIOD. How the fuck is he going to be a lawyer if he never wants to do work? He’s gonna have a rude awakening if he ever makes it to first-year associate (I have heard).

Craig is there for all of two minutes and is already like, fuck this Im leaving.

Oh JK Craig didnt actually leave. JD gives a speech and what do you wanna bet Craig is gonna get shafted in this thank-you speech?

Wait for it..

BOOM. SHAFTED. I called it.

Cameran is so into this race its scary. How much money did she put down on that horse? Judging by her reaction to losing, Id say a lot.

Once again JD is dressed like a 1920s fat cat. Live your truth, JD.

JDs like, and Craig is like,

JD: Do you think you should have gone out of town? Craig: I mean Ive never had to give up a trip for a job so

Oh boy, Craig. I fear for you in the real world. I really do.

At Kathryns, she and Thomas are eating dinner. Kathryns going into labor tomorrow morning. I hope they dont actually film her birth. That would be kind of fucked.

Thomas: I want to have a traditional family, hear the shnookums running around, hear the house fill with laughter.

Lol, “shnookums” only makes me think of one thing:

Thomas: I still love Kathryn, I care about her but Im afraid a day of reckoning is forthcoming.

UH OH.

Kathryn asks Thomas how he feels and he says hes apprehensive and shes like, BRUH, FEEL APPREHENSIVE?!

Kathryn: If I say anything mean to you tomorrow just give me a free pass.

OK thats fair, she is giving birth and all.

Kathryn gets up and eats some generic brand Lucky Charms before giving birth. I take it all back, she really is struggling with money.

OK low blow. Sorry. Kind of.

Seeing the sheer amount of diapers in Kathryns house is enough to make me never forget to take my birth control.

Thomas: For some reason, maybe through divine intervention we were brought together. Steven Spielberg I believe said, Ive made a lot of movies, but my greatest creation of all was a child.

So I wonder at what point Thomas is gonna be like Who am I kidding, theyre gonna drag that out at least over the course of another epsiode.

OK enough shit-talking from me. That baby is cute. What did they name him?? How they gonna leave us hanging like that?

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Source: http://allofbeer.com/southern-charm-recap-can-they-get-any-more-white/

from All of Beer https://allofbeer.wordpress.com/2018/03/16/southern-charm-recap-can-they-get-any-more-white/

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jimdsmith34 · 6 years